What Skills Should My Kid Have at Their Age? A Parent’s Guide to Youth Hockey Development

“Is my kid where they’re supposed to be?”

It’s one of the most common questions we hear—and this week on Our Kids Play Hockey, Lee, Christie, and Mike break it all down with a level-headed, age-by-age guide to youth hockey development.

Whether your player is just learning to stand on skates or preparing for juniors, this episode helps you understand what skills are appropriate right now, what’s coming next, and how to support your child’s journey without rushing the process.

🏒 In this episode, we explore:

✅ Benchmarks for each age group—from U6 to U18

✅ How hockey IQ and habits grow alongside physical skills

✅ What to really look for in your child’s development

✅ The role of parents in keeping the game fun and productive

If you’ve ever wondered, “Are we behind?” or “What should we focus on next?”—this episode is for you.

Because in youth hockey, the goal isn’t just skating faster or scoring more. It’s building skills, confidence, and love for the game—step by step.

Timestamps:

• 0:00 Intro
• 5:35 6U hockey: Organized chaos and fun
• 11:50 8U hockey: Skating with purpose
• 18:09 10U hockey: Golden age of learning
• 31:38 12U hockey: Hockey IQ starts here
• 36:37 14U hockey: Strength meets strategy
• 47:43 16U/18U hockey: It's a lifestyle
• 1:01:32 Closing thoughts on youth hockey development

📖 Want a written version you can reference anytime?

Check out our companion blog: A Parent’s Guide to Youth Hockey Development

🚨 The Puckaround™ Pro Training Puck is being called the best off-ice puck ever — same weight, size, and feel as the real thing. Perfect for training in the driveway or on the outdoor rink.

🎁 Use code OKPH at hockeywraparound.com for a special discount on a 2-pack — just for our listeners.

Let’s puck-around and find out. 🏒

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Transcript

Lee MJ Elias [0:08 - 2:17]: Hello, hockey friends and families around the world, and welcome back to another edition of our Kids Playing Hockey. It's Lee Elias and Mike Benelli with you today. Today's episode completely inspired by you. We got a great email from someone that was asking us, hey guys, could you go through the different age groups and tell us kind of what we should expect at each age group? And that is why today's episode is titled what's on Going Skills Should My Kid have at Their Age? And it's going to be a guide to youth hockey development by level. Now, for those of you that are long time listeners, if you want to just fast forward to the age group your kid is in, we're going to put in the description of this episode some hyperlinks so you can tap on them again. You got to kind of come to the main page to do this and it'll go to your age group. But I would also say you should listen to the entire episode because to get the context of where your kid was, is and should be, you really do need to listen to each and every age group, even if Your kid is 18 years old right now. Okay, so Mike and I are going to run through each age group in about four or five minutes max. That's the goal. At least. We talk a lot. And we're going to go over again what you should expect at each age. What are the benchmark skills coaches like to see at each age, Keeping in mind that if you don't hit these, it's okay. We're just trying to give you a gauge. We're going to tell you what you should be building towards at this age, which we think is important because Mike and I hear parents in the crowd telling us what their kids should be able to do when we're like, your kid's not quite there yet. There's about five skills you need to build to that. And then we're also going to talk about key points for you parents to keep in mind. So just before we get going again, got to say it. There is no direct path in youth hockey. What we're doing is simply sharing some ideas and thoughts of this is where we like kids to be, keeping in mind that it's okay once again, if they're not there. And I think, Mike, before we even get going, some of the benchmarks are going to surprise people because I think we're going to say things and people are going to say, no, no, no. A kid has to be way farther along down the line at that point. And the truth Is no, they don't. Some kids will be, some kids will not. But before we get going, Mike, any thoughts on this just to just kind of warnings to the listeners before we dive in? 

Mike Bonelli [2:20 - 3:33]: Yeah, well, number one is I think, you know, hopefully we didn't have 700 people just go right to the skill level of their 7 year old as an 18 year old. But I think it's. But, but again, and this is all really the reason there are age kind of classifications of development and where in the benchmarks of where players should be is more so about building a curriculum around what they can handle and what they need and less about. Oh, the better, the more skills you have at this age, the higher level player you are, like, it's just, it's really for coaches and parents to understand, like, well, this is how we have to devise how we work our kids out and really what their threshold is for learning. And like everything else, this is not, I don't even know if it's 50, 50. It's not 100%. Obviously it's your own child is developing at their own pace. You've all seen those players that you look at like, my God, this player is better than any player I've ever seen and he's six. So all the, you know, this is an overall guide for coaches, parents and players to be able to fit into a category so that we're not doing things that we would be doing with adults without any kind of foundational skills for, for the player of that age group. 

Lee MJ Elias [3:33 - 5:33]: I love it. Okay. And with that we're going to dive in. And last bit of knowledge again is we're going to use terms like u, 7, 6 u. That obviously means under or 6 and under. Just to keep it not confusing. I'm just going to say the, the number U moving forward. It's, it's all collaborative in the sense of wherever your kid is on the scale, you're around this age. So let's start with 6U, which is ages 5 and 6. Look, let's just be very blunt. This is the fun zone. This is organized chaos. This is about sticks and skates and just getting them on the ice so they can laugh, they can fall, they can fail and get used to playing in hockey. You know, the benchmarks here, gang, are pretty simple. Obviously. Standing up, being balanced, marching maybe with some glide, falling safely, getting up unassisted and starting to glide on one foot. You'll notice we didn't say take a big slap shot, take a big shot. At this age, it's all about just getting comfortable on the ice. And it's a great place to start because I've met so many anxious parents, Mike, in the Adam6u area that my kid can't skate, my kid can't do this. Your kid doesn't need to be doing too much at this age, right? It's just about getting on the ice, having fun, and making sure that you can move a little bit. Right. What you're building towards is actually two foot stops, controlled turns, confidence and moving different directions. That's what you want to kind of get towards it, actually the next level. But for this level, organized chaos. Just enjoy it. So, parents, the key point for you is to support here, not stress out. I'm going to say that one more time. Support your kid. Don't stress out. Think about when they were learning to walk, how supportive you were, all right? You didn't get crazy with them, you just supported them. Right? Here's the golden rule at this age, again, 6U. If they're smiling, you have succeeded. I'm going to say that again. If they're smiling, you have succeeded. You could say this at every level, but it's super specific to this one. Have fun and enjoy it, Mike. 

Mike Bonelli [5:35 - 7:27]: Yeah, so, I mean, you know, again, there's, there's certain, you know, seven U players that are playing since they were three and they're probably really advanced and they're doing well. I think this is really for the parent and, and the, the consumer and the, the sport parent that's sitting at Wawa or sitting at the A and P or wherever your local supermarket is, and you run into that one parent and you're like, oh, does your kid play hockey? No, he's seven. He's really missed out. You know, he's start. It's. It's like all our friends have started already and they're playing travel hockey and, you know, and these are seven year olds. So this is like, to me that, that's always like a, that's like a trigger point for me is that, you know, there you could start like, you know, like me, starting at 12 years old. You could start any age, right? So I, but, but I, but the skill level that you're in and what we're looking for here is knowing that at 6U 7U, the biggest part is fun and getting great positive reps in rather than, you know, three hours of skills instruction trying to catch them up. So if you, you know, again, it's probably, it's probably a good rule of thumb that if you get Your kid out there for 20 minutes doing something five days a week, it's better than one day a week at three hours. It's just these are all just like walking, right? Just like learning how to walk. It's just like anything else. You know, you want your son to hit a son or daughter, hit a ball off a tee or you know, shoot a ball in the driveway. It's all just about giving them the ability to get a little bit of success and then shut it down a little bit more success. Not to the point of frustration. You're frustrated, they're frustrated. You don't understand why they're not skating across the ice yet. And they just got on. It's. This is all about the, the long term process of smiles, enjoying, having fun, and begging you to go back to the rink to try skating again. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:27 - 7:46]: Yeah. So parents, that's what you're trying to create Again. I'll say this too. From a game standpoint, I get to ask this. You probably shouldn't be playing more than four or five games a year, if at all. At this point, this is just about getting on the ice and being comfortable. I think in our Adams program, Mike, there might be three to four games a year. And there's. Those are chaos too. 

Mike Bonelli [7:47 - 7:54]: Right. But be very careful about how to define. So like, I would define games at 6 and 7 as every single time they step on the ice, they're playing a game. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:54 - 7:54]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [7:54 - 8:40]: So I think it all depends on what, what, what defines a game. If it means buying a uniform, buying a bag, getting matching stickers for your helmets, and getting in a car to drive to another facility to play 12 minutes of hockey, then that's probably what you would consider like a traditional game. Me, I think the kids should be playing games more than skills work. Every time they step on the ice. Like at that age, it is a game. And I, I used to use the analogy that, like, you would never go to a playground with a bunch of kids and, and instruct them on how to use the monkey bars and slide them go right. At that age is. Nobody is. There's no coaches at, you know, at parks there. If there were, trust me, if you could make money as a coach at a park, they'd be filled with coaches. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:40 - 8:40]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [8:40 - 9:20]: But you can't. Right. So it's a, it's just the same thing at 6 and 7 years old. Play, play, play, play. Play as much as you can play. The better the, the more it's unstructured, play even better the more it's not attacked Attached to a. A fee is better. And the more it could be, just your player can explore how good they can be on their own, the better. So anytime it's not a structured environment is always, always going to be better. And this is any sport. Soccer, lacrosse, hockey, basketball. It's why great kids become basketball players and soccer players, right? Because they're. Those communities are in unstructured environments. They're just out there playing well and. 

Lee MJ Elias [9:20 - 11:50]: And let's get into the next age group because that is the first structured environment, right. We're talking eight years sometimes called mite hockey. I'm, I'm recently graduated two kids from this age group. So this is the one I'm most familiar with. And Mike, you know, before we even get into it, right, you just said it. You're going from no structure, no team, no coaching, to having a little bit of that for the first time. And I'll allude to that again in the parents things you got to remember, you're stepping into a team for the first time. So again, by far most important thing. And this is where I think a lot of parents get lost in, in might hockey. 8U is skating with a purpose. Skating, skating, skating, skating has to become confident. Now we want to know about chasing pucks and also learning what it means to be part of a team. That's usually the biggest frustration for coaches at this level is that the kids are still very young and they're having a hard time understanding the we over me mentality. That's a process too. So the benchmark skills for Mike, obviously two foot and one foot stops. Now your kid has to be able to do a hockey stop on the ice. Tight turns and crossovers. Again, these are what we want to learn at the age level, not what you should have when you get there. All right, Puck control while skating slowly passing and receiving at short distances. Understanding offensive and defensive roles. If your kid has those by the time they get out of 8U, that's where we want to be. Now what you want to build towards this is important because I think this is where we, we have too much expectation of this at 8U is positional awareness and gameplay. You're not going to effectively get that at 8. Uh, playing with heads up more consistently and small area game instincts. That's what you're building towards and I think that's what a lot of people think kids should have at the end of 8U. And you're building towards that. Again, parents, key, key point for you. And this, this is a really good one. Expect Effort, not perfection. Applaud the try. When I see the anxiety of parents at might hockey and what they think the kids should be able to do, I'm going to tell you parents, it's not much. It's very basic. Can your kids skate? Can your kid get the puck and can your kid pass and shoot? Basically. Right. Positional awareness, not something beside offense and defense. Those broadly that they should understand. Right. That's what we're looking for. So Mike, talk to me about might a little bit at you. Hockey. Skating with a purpose again. Skating, skating, skating, skating, skating is the key for that age. 

Mike Bonelli [11:50 - 12:19]: Yeah. I suspect if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably not in the mo. It's a low percentage that you have the child that is playing, you know, games every weekend and traveling everywhere and playing structured environments of like a league. And I don't know, just, I just, that's the sense I get when I'm out and about. I mean, you know, I had, I was lectured just actually a couple of weekends ago about, well, the fact that I've never really watched a great 8U game. Like, Mike, you just never appreciate it because you've never seen a great eightu game. 

Lee MJ Elias [12:19 - 12:20]: I'm like, right. 

Mike Bonelli [12:20 - 13:13]: Like no. 35 years. I've actually never seen a great eight u game. I've just never seen, I've seen fun environments and I've seen, you know, kids having a lot of fun out there. And again, it doesn't necessarily mean you're not playing a full ice game where there's, where, where somebody has a system that's all great. I mean, and there are lots of programs that do that. But I think to Lee's point, you're building towards those benchmark skills for long term athletic success and to keep your player and you sane to stay in the sport. So we're not lucky. We're not talking about the 1 percenters here. We're talking about the, the majority of us that go into a rink. We want our kids to skate, we want them to have fun, come back. We want to see them progressing in their skills. And then I say, I look out and say, oh my Sonny, he can't pivot to his left and he falls every time. Well, it's not. He had. His career hasn't ended well. Correct? 

Lee MJ Elias [13:14 - 13:16]: Yes, correct. That's what they need to work on now. 

Mike Bonelli [13:16 - 14:45]: Right, Right. And again, that's. And that's an or he keeps going off sides in a full Ice 8U game. That's fine. It's gonna happen. I, we, I just watched NHL playoffs where I saw people go offsides and they get paid millions and millions of dollars. So, I mean, so really, who really knows what offsides is, right? So I think it's about a matter of what's your expectations, what do you want to push for? And this is the age where you, you have to be so careful not to get all this FOMO and look across and see another kid's success and think that's where your kid needs to be, because this is where the kids start separating. A kid that started at 3 and is a great, Loves hockey and is a great natural, I'll just call it a natural athlete, but something naturally takes to playing. And your son started at seven and, and you're pushing them into it. Of course there's going to be a change in their, you know, a, a discrepancy in their environment and their development, but just live with it and you can't force it to come. These little things of understanding offensive, defensive rules. Again, that doesn't necessarily mean a system. It means that when somebody has the puck, you're doing this, and when somebody else has the puck, you're doing that, right? And all those little nuances of the play. Just like when you go to your soccer field, every kid, every single kid plays soccer, right? So when your kids are out there running around, you're just hoping they're running towards the other team's goal and not with the ball towards your goal. Like those are basic concepts of offense and defense. 

Lee MJ Elias [14:45 - 16:01]: Right? And again, just to kind of make sure people understand what we mean by that even more, Mike, the way it's described for this age group is there's, there's four layers to it. There's having the puck and being on offense, having the puck and being on defense, and then there's not having the puck on offense and not having the puck on defense. That is, that is how broad it is at that age. We're not talking about two 1, 2 systems with a hard 4 check making sure that F2 is in the like. None of that happens at this age, right? Not to mention most AU programs are 4 on 4, not 5 on 5. So the basic positional awareness at that age is what is offense and what is defense. And parents, I, I hope you're hearing that because that, that should calm you down a bit in helping your kid understand that level of transition. But just to close this one out again, Skating, skating, skating, skating is the most important thing at this age. And remember, this is also the first age where you might start seeing aaa, double A, a B. It's all relative, guys. All of it. All right, don't get lost in the letters, please. At this age, right? At this age, and really the next one, your kid should be placed where there is best for their development to take place. Do not get lost on the letters, okay? Right. 

Mike Bonelli [16:01 - 18:09]: And if your player's eight and in a drill, they go skate to the corner and they put their chin on the. On the. The bumper, and they just look out aimlessly and have no interest in playing, is what it is. It's like the kid in left field pick. Maybe they're bored out of their minds. Maybe they're just not inspired. That. That child I just watched, it's not my kid, but another. I just watched that child graduate high school, captain of their hockey team and lacrosse team, will go off to play College Hockey at 8 years old, Chin on the dasher board, looking out into no man's land. Disinterested, had. And the parents freaking out. I'm like, look at this. I mean, this is, you know, 11 years later, your kid's going to be a college athlete, captain of lacrosse and hockey. And I should have demanded that child never, ever step foot an athletic field again and get off the ice because they were embarrassing me, right? Because they couldn't. They didn't do anything. They just sat there. That's. At eight years old. That's what's going to happen. Sometimes you're just gonna sit in the corner and be like, no, I'm not doing it. Like, I have no interest in it. So. And this is all part of the ebbs and flows of watching your children. Yes. Now, if that, you know, and my son's done that, now I'm sitting there, I'm more embarrassed, certainly, than he is. He doesn't give a crap. I'm the embarrassed one, right? I'm the one saying, I can't believe. Like, so at 8 years old, this is going to happen. You're gonna have. And. And we. I do a lot of learning to play a lot of beginner hockey programs. I can't tell you how many times I've seen parents literally fighting, begging, you know, manipulating, you know, bribing their kid to go on the ice for something, and they have no interest in going. And this is like those. We've talked about this on our podcast a lot. These are the snapshots in time that really mean nothing on that weekend. And sometimes it's best if your son is not controlling the puck while skating, passing, and Receiving in short distances. If they really don't know how to do a two foot stop and they look like they shouldn't be playing hockey, as long as they keep wanting to go out there, it doesn't matter. And if they didn't want to be out there this weekend, bring them back next weekend and see what they say. 

Lee MJ Elias [18:09 - 18:31]: Yeah. And Mike, I'm going to add in here too because this is actually a good age to start thinking this, but it's, it applies for all ages. Don't start thinking about where your kid's going to be now when they're 18. I, I, I, how, how are we going to make a college team? Man, you're so far from that at 8 years old. You're far from that at 15 years old. Don't even bother going beyond where you're at. So again, I love, I love the. 

Mike Bonelli [18:31 - 18:33]: I love the expect effort, not perfection. 

Lee MJ Elias [18:33 - 22:21]: I was just gonna go there. Right. That's the key point. And, and let's, let's just really not break it down too much, but expect effort. It doesn't mean you're going to get it all the time. That's what you got to cultivate. There's no perfection at any age. And applaud the try. What you want your kid doing is going out there and trying hard. Believe me, parents, that is a skill set for the next stage. All right. Which we're going to transition to now. Tenu Hockey, also known as Squirt, usually 9 or 10 years old. We have it here. This is the golden age of learning. And I'm going to be very blunt with you parents. I'm going to tell you the truth. This is where it gets really, really fun to start watching your kid because all the rules are in place at this age. The scores are on the scoreboard, there's kind of standings. So it's a little more entertaining to watch. But you can't allow that to dictate the worth of the level or the worth of how your kid's doing because it's still all about development. And this age, 9 and 10 years old is really the sweet spot for skill development. Again, I have one child just graduating out of this. Now I've got another child entering this. So I'm well familiar with this. But again, sweet spot for skill development. This is where your motor skills and brain development sync together so you can start to really teach kids. This is the age as a coach, I start to show kids things on the ice and I can see them really processing and learning. But again, they're not super advanced concepts. What are we teaching? What are the benchmark skills? Skating. Surprise. All the time. Skating is going to be there, but now we're talking about stride and edge control, the inside edge and the outside edge. This is the age you start to see a little more advanced skating technique. Shooting with proper form, okay? Not taking the gigantic clapper, but shooting with form. Understanding a wrist shot, understanding a snapshot, understanding the weight transfer and the balance of that shot. This is the age we like to see kids shoot and not fall down every time they take a shot. We start to teach that puck control in motion, right? Basic puck handling. Again, we're talking 9 and 10, basic puck handling, basic passing and accuracy. Under some pressure now. Understanding that. And also a little more basic offensive and defensive concept. So now we're talking five on five, and we're talking about, again, not so much a system, although there are some minor tweaks to that at this age. But we're talking about really understanding, okay, you're on defense, where should you be? You're on offense, where should you be? What are we working towards? Again, not necessarily something you need at this level, given go plays, all right? That's something that develops at this level, not something you're going to necessarily have stick handling in stride, okay? There's always hot shots at this level, which is nothing bad that can really move the puck and stick, handle and dangle. And there's plenty of kids who can't. Neither one of those is right or wrong, all right? You don't have to be Connor McDavid at any age, for that matter. And then this is a big one. Reading space and puck movement. This is where you start to understand. Let me not just get it on my stick and off my stick. If you have some space, take the space. All right? And the key points for parents, Mike, you're gonna like this one. The key point, and this is hard. Parents. Let the coaches coach at this age. Let the coaches coach. Mistakes is how they learn, all right? At practice, you want your kid to be messing up a lot so they can learn and then obviously transfer it to the game. But remember going. But before I go to you, Mike, this is really the first organized hockey that your kid's gonna play unless they played Mike Aaa, which is a whole nother topic, all right? But this is the first time they're playing five on five, full ice, off sides, keeping score. That's a lot. That's a lot. All right? And I. I can tell you this after the two years they'll have a good grip on it. But if you're just starting out. 

Mike Bonelli [22:21 - 22:22]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [22:22 - 22:43]: You're gonna have about 55 offsides a game for the first five games. All right. The funny part is the kids learn it quick. Mike. But anyway, Mike, we're back to this. Ages 9 and 10. Golden age for learning. This is where they've been in the oven for a few minutes now. You start, you're starting to see the bread rise. We're nowhere near done, but you're starting to see the bread rise a little bit. 

Mike Bonelli [22:43 - 26:23]: Yeah. And it depends on what part of the country you're in, what part of the world. Right. Because TENU hockey in a lot of circles wouldn't be full ice a lot. In Seattle, Washington, right now they're, they're experimenting with TenU Hockey on half ice. So at TenU Hockey, like me, I come from the camp that at 10U hockey you shouldn't be playing full ice. It's nuts. It's ridiculous and it looks ugly and it's not age appropriate. You might have all these skills passing it actually under pressure. You want to get more pressure. Go to half ice, you know, skating stride, edge control. You want more inside edges, want more transition, want more stops and starts, want more movement. Take the tenu, put them in half ice. Just like you do in basketball, just like you do in baseball, just like you do in soccer. You play small sided games. 10, 10. Most people around the country at 10 years old and 9 years old are not playing on the full surface of the environment. Hockey. Why? I have no idea. It's ridiculous at me all you want, it's the wrong thing to do. But if you want more people playing at higher levels than a 10 year hockey, we should be concentrating on, you know, all these skills and not worry about, you know, that full ice. My hockey rankings environment. The other thing too is you got to remember is depending on how progressive your organization is in your coach, you may never hear offense and defensive players, you might never hear left wing, right wing, right D, left D. You might just hear about this phenom of a, of a concept called positionless play and just playing the sport and understanding to cover and uncover. And unfortunately we all want to get there at the highest levels. But if you ingrain this in your 10 year old and 9 year old, it you, it's so hard to come get out of it at 11 and 12. So if you're an organization that embraces like just free play, positionalist hockey where players just cover zones and areas and we're not saying there aren't defensive and offensive plays. I mean, unless you're playing in a different league than I am and there's no red line, blue line and, and goal line and creases and boards, then there are concepts that we all have to understand in the sport because the sport is constrained by the playing surface we're on. So the tendency is like, oh, there's a blue line there. We should have two players standing on it. And I think that's what, I think that's what, what really hurts most of us as coaches and parents looking at that going, well, shouldn't there be two people standing there? Well, why. If the puck's at the net. Well, why do you. Who do you care about being? No, they're not doing anything. They're just spectators. So you're playing a five on three, down low. So it all depends on where you're from. But as far as I know, we're on. What skills should you have if you want to enhance those skills? Go the route of the other. Go the route of the small area game side. But as far as given goes, stick handling and stripe. And I think the biggest thing is here to le point. Let coaches coach. But then go back to our initial Christy Casiano Burns philosophy. Do your homework and make sure you go in a program that you already respect the coach don't. If you, if all of a sudden you're sitting in December saying, I can't believe this, coach, and you knew that going in, that's your own fault. Let that coach continue to coach. But if you went into a program and you did your homework and you know that the coach is doing their job and they're in every year, they're producing, you know, kids that love the sport. Then let the coaches coach and let them be the ones that are driving the development of your child. At the end of the season, you can reevaluate everything you want and then think about how you want to reassess. But let those coaches coach because now they are starting to work on personalities. Kids playing with different kids. 

Lee MJ Elias [26:23 - 26:24]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [26:24 - 26:39]: Understanding that you have to be it in a team environment in order to win at the, the highest levels. I'm not sure 10U is that yet, but these are the foundations of how we teach our kids how to play within a group and, you know, be good teammates. 

Lee MJ Elias [26:40 - 31:37]: Yeah. And the one thing I'll add to that, Mike, is that it's my personal philosophy that this, this is somewhat the last age group where you really want your kid rotating through all of the Positions like Mike, that you said. Because the amount of people, sorry, people, parents, players that come up to me, stuttered there for a second that, that say, well, I'm a center, it's like, you know, you're not, you're not anything at this age. In fact, if you want to be a great center, you really need to learn to play defense, you need to learn to play wing. You need to understand all the poss positions. Excuse me. So parents and coaches and players listening, you really want to experiment with all the positions at this age because as you move up, you will get somewhat slotted into an area, right? Not just offense or defense. Keeping in mind too that we've said this a billion times on the show that high level hockey, there really is no position anymore, right? That's something we can be teaching at a younger age. Mike's alluding to it now. But as you graduate out of 10U, which again, really is a fun level, right? When you get to that competitive nature, reminding yourself, guys, that skating is the most important now you have some shooting, now you have some basic positioning. You're not playing systems yet, but when you get to 12U, all right, sometimes called peewee, this is where Hockey IQ really starts. This is where coaches also start expecting to see it a bit more. This is also where from a, we'll say a cognitive maturity level, how you represent yourself on the ice really does start to play out, right? And again, look, maturity comes at different ages. But the kid now who has, think about the way we did this, that has the skating, that has the effort, and that has the basic understanding of the game, that becomes a very coachable kid, and that kid now starts to get selected for the higher team, okay? If your kid's not there yet, and I cannot stress this enough, which is okay, if your kid's not there yet, they may be selected for a different team. As long as they are on a team that is appropriate for their development at this age. 12, you. You are doing fine, okay? When we get a little older, this will change. This is kind of the crux point. 12U hockey IQ starts here, okay? What to expect. The game is going to speed up. And I've been in 12U for a few months now since I've played 12, uh, the game starts to speed up now. It gets really exciting to watch, but it's speeding up, not just physically, but mentally. Okay? Now the stakes are higher for the kid, right? Parents, they should not be higher for you. You're still parenting a kid. All right? But smart players start to stand out at this age. Okay, here's the benchmark skills for the age group. What we want to see them accomplish in this two years. Anticipating plays and supporting the puck. Scanning the ice, off ice, on ice, looking around with the puck without the puck. Consistent back checking and zone awareness. Positioning and offensive and defensive systems. And skating transitions from forwards to backwards. Transition at this age is paramount. If you can transition fast, you're going to be a good hockey team. The building towards reading special teams plays. Keep in mind we're at 12 years old now and down. Combining skill with strategy, adjusting to game pace and situations. I'm bringing these up and Mike, I'm actually getting a little energized here because again, at 12U is when you start to see those benchmarks and you look towards it. The amount of people in 8U that tell me we need to be understanding special teams. Crazy to me, right? This is why they're benchmarks. Again, anticipating play, scanning the ice, back checking, four checking, positioning in both zones and skating, skating, skating. You're going to hear it at every age. Transitions forward to backwards. You're gonna build towards special teams. At 12U, you'll have them, but you're gonna build. It means they're not going to be good at it. At 12U. They're gonna learn. Key points for parents. Encourage consistency, not comparison. Boy, is that a big one. Boy, is that a big one. At 12U. Some kids are really gonna succeed and exceed and get beyond. And some kids are really going to be struggling, man. Just encourage consistency. It's not about comparing yourself to a double A player. AAA player. At this age, your kid is where they're at, right? Everyone develops differently. And I'm going to promise you I can. I'll tell a quick story about this. If your kid's 12 and not the best player out there, it can be easy to say, ah, it's just not going to be for them. I didn't start playing until I was 12. I didn't start playing hockey until I was 12. I did just fine. All right? And I developed. You know, I was behind the start, but I developed very quickly. Every kid develops differently. Do not compare at 12 ute. I'll tell you this right now, Mike. I'll throw it to you. Your kid's gonna do that enough on their own. They don't need your help with that, okay? In fact, they need you to help quell that and tell them not to do that too much. But peewee Mike, we're in peewee hockey. Every hockey movie Maids about peewee hockey, the Mighty Ducks, all the good stuff. Talk to me about 12U for a minute. 

Mike Bonelli [31:38 - 32:25]: Well, the reason for that is because Everybody quits at 13. So I think, I think so. I think, I think 12, 12U hockey is. So it's, it's very similar to me that, that, that TENU hockey is to you where it's so much fun because this is where the combination of skill and passion and the player kind of driving their own development happens more and more. I mean, there was a reason why age classifications are built, you know, 12 and under and 13 above, because puberty starts to kick in and, you know, they're not teenagers. There's, there's. It's a great. You know, most of the time they're listening to you as a coach, and a lot of times they're listening to you as a parent. I mean, most. This is when you probably have the least amount of. Of pushback, and sometimes that's bad because the kids won't push back because they don't feel like they can. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:25 - 32:28]: They will in time, but they're going to push back. 

Mike Bonelli [32:29 - 33:38]: Here is that, here's the chance for you to just say, okay, listen, you're driving this development. I was very similar. I started very late in my life with hockey. I played everything else, but hockey was just late. And I, I will say I was better than every. I. I was better than any kid I played with at 12 years old on my teams. Excuse me. Now they're probably. I mean, I'm sure they would kick my butt in adult league, but I think that now, you know, but I look back and say, well, you know, it's all about your own passion and your drive more than these other skills. The benchmark skills are important, but a player can overcome a lot of this, having effort and tenacity and passion, big time, and their drive to want to be better. Because a lot of the kids that have all these other skills at this age group just to have dead eyes, like, they're just. They don't want to be there. There's no real motivation for them to want to improve. This is when you're going to see the most change in players from year one to year three like this. The gap of, of development and saying, like, where'd this kid come from? I mean, God, you know, he wasn't even that. That's the kid that had his, you know, chin on the dasher board. 

Lee MJ Elias [33:38 - 33:38]: Yeah, yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [33:39 - 33:53]: And now he's out there beating everyone up. So I think it's just, you know, and, and it's a really, it's a really time. It's a really. Based on your skill and what your, what your player can do, it starts to define, you know, what position they're going to play. Are they going to be a full time goalie? Are they going to be a defense? 

Lee MJ Elias [33:53 - 34:08]: Right, let me, let me dive in here, Mike, because great story again, right? Just to prove your point, I'm going to use my own kid. We all have stories, but I remember my kid as a first year might, coming up to me and say, it broke my heart. He said I'm the worst kid on the team. 

Mike Bonelli [34:08 - 34:09]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [34:09 - 34:42]: He said that to me in his first year might, when he was what, 7 years old. You fast forward to this age and I'm not, I'm not trying to make like, like, I'm not trying to brag, but like he's a double A starting goaltender. It's like could not have predicted that when he was 7 that he was even going to be a goalie. That, that shows you like none of that made sense. Right? From I'm the worst player on the team to the starting double A goalie. Right. And again, not brag. I'm very proud of him, but he put the work in. But it's like you just have no idea how this is going to unfold. Go ahead, Mike. 

Mike Bonelli [34:42 - 35:29]: No, no. And that, but that's, we have to look out for those things. That's our job as parents, is to kind of, you know, structure that into a place where, you know, you can continue to, to, you know, feed the passion and the drive. This is probably the time when, you know, you want to get that player a little extra work and private lessons and yeah, maybe some extra shooting work or goaltending work. You know, this is the, this is a time where you want to give them the benefit of, you know, having an opportunity to better themselves if they want that and they feel they need it. I think you mentioned it earlier, like I never knew anybody outside my community was better than me because I never saw them. I didn't even know. And now these kids could see the best 12 year old in the world. They could see them on Instagram and Snapshot all day. Like all day. They could obsess on that one kid somewhere. 

Lee MJ Elias [35:29 - 35:29]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [35:29 - 36:37]: And, and those kids, those players, I work with a lot of these players that are phenomenal, I mean, unbelievably skilled athletes at 10 and 11, 12 years old. But again, that's just one piece of everybody that we come in contact with. So if you start to go down the road of watching other players and, and then you're, and then all you're doing is watching them, but you're not developing like you're not doing any work. Then of course you're gonna get what you get right and you don't get upset. But I think, but I think it's. The other side of it is if you do have a passion and a drive and a want, if your parents have the means and it's, it's amazing what parents will do to, to, to get the means right if you want to get better. We've had a million episodes on the fact that you don't need ice to get better. You don't need a private coach to get better. You don't need a fancy. It does help to have these fancy tools, but it, but, or it can be beneficial, but you don't need them. You just need the, the idea and passion. And this is the age where you got to really see players that want to separate themselves and those players that are just really, really good and that, you know, at 15 may really never be playing hockey again. So. 

Lee MJ Elias [36:37 - 36:38]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [36:38 - 37:27]: This is, that this is, this is a really fun age on both ways. Like, and this is kind of one of those times where, you know, if your player doesn't have all these other skills, you know, a lot of times it's just like, you know, maybe they're just not good enough. You know, maybe that's not, maybe it's not. It's the wrong sport. And you know, we talk about it all the time being a multi sport athlete. This is the one time you might want to start focusing on something else that they're really good at and, and love and are better at, you know, developmentally than trying to force something that they're not great at. And you know, that's a hard, that's a really hard thing to do because that's upending a lot of the. Cocky is a very family oriented, community based kind of sport. And it's really hard to just say, I'm going to extract myself from that and just try to put myself in a whole nother environment. 

Lee MJ Elias [37:27 - 39:07]: Yeah, look, I'll tell you this too. We should add this. Your kids should absolutely be playing different sports at this age other than hockey. Really, every age leading up to this, that's number one. You know, number two is that Mike said it like they might enjoy a different sport more. I mean, it was actually. We had a really cool moment the other day when my son plays baseball, my daughter plays Softball. And I remember my, my, both of them kind of said, when are we playing hockey again? Which is a great feeling for me as a hockey person. Although I've never, never forced them to play. And my son said to me, you know, hockey's home. And I, it's like a really cool moment for me to hear him say that just, just as, oh, he loves the game. That's so, so special. Not, not that I did my job or anything like that. It's just, oh, he loves the game. That's, that's special. So again, encourage consistency, not comparison at 12U. And remember that parents, the, the, the, the gap is huge at that age. Skill wise consistency. Last note on 12U As a coach, this is where we start expecting the kid at home to maybe take 20, 30, 40, 50 shots a day or work on their passing, do more away from the rink. I'll say it again, if your kid doesn't want to do that, it's okay at this age, but we encourage that your kids should be doing that. All right, let's move up to the next one. 14U. This is where hitting starts to come in. Okay. We start to teach hitting. We start to understand hitting. And we wrote here strength meets strategy. When I became a bantam, which was the name of this age group and there's, it's a little spread out now. I grew 5 inches in the off season and I was the tallest kid on the team when I started. And I thought that was wonderful, Mike, because here I am the tallest kid on the team. By the time I left this age group, I was no longer the tallest kid on the team. Yes, your kid. 

Mike Bonelli [39:08 - 39:10]: That could happen within three months. 

Lee MJ Elias [39:10 - 40:59]: Right. And that's what I'm saying. Players are going to hit growth spurts at this age. Okay. They're pubescent. So you should come to expect that strength. And another big one. Emotions will start to come into play. Just cognitively. It's very hard to control your emotions at this age. You got to keep that in mind from a hockey standpoint. Systems now do start to matter now. Now we're going to start little bit more advanced the benchmark skills. At 14 you full speed execution of skills. Now we want to see them skating, passing, shooting, all of it now starts to, to sink in at 14 you not 8U or 9U or 1014 you is when we start wanting to see this. Okay, think about this now we're four years out from junior or college, so it's a lot closer to that than you think. All right, Zone entries Exit with puck control, defensive gap control and angling, strength on puck and physical play, responsibility. That's when we start. Want to start to see that at 14U. Keep in mind you're developing this up to that, but now these are the strategies in the game. Not before. We're building towards for the next age group. Game specific conditioning now is when you start to learn how to work out. Okay. Not. Not that you're doing it. Special teams understanding. All right, now we start to understand a little bit more of that and then situational awareness, leadership on the bench. That's what we're looking towards. But right now at 14U, we want to see more of a complete player. We want to see good understanding of zone exit and entries and obviously some. Some angling, defensive gap control, and again, strength on the puck. Now you're starting to see a hockey player emerge. But they're still in the oven. The bread's rised, but it's not night. Doesn't have that nice golden covering yet, right? It's not ready to eat, Mike. It's getting there. Don't take it out of the oven too early. All right, parents, key points for you. 

Mike Bonelli [40:59 - 41:02]: I'd rather use cupcake reference, but that's okay. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:02 - 42:38]: You. Whatever you want. You do cupcakes, I'll do. I'll do the bread. Right. I like cupcakes. They taste good. All right, key points for parents. This is where off ice really starts to come in. Off ice. Training, strength, nutrition, mental rest. These become game changers for your kid now and again. Creating those habits really at any point, but creating them at the 14U, it's really important because if they want to progress in the game, they can't do this when they're 18. So you're starting to get in the gym, you're starting to work on mobility. Another warning to parents. Do not think that the workout plan you did in 1997 is in any way applicable to today's athlete. Seek out information. Mobility, band training. Obviously, weight training does play into it. There's been a lot of advancement in science, especially in this realm, over the last 25 years. Nutrition, man. If your kid eats like crap, you're gonna have a problem moving on. Okay. And again, this is a habit. You need to start earlier. But if you're catching the candy bars downstairs and they're really not taking care of themselves, it's going to hold them back in the near future. And then obviously rest. Kids that age need a lot more sleep than kids that are old. I'm sorry. Than adults. Okay. So very hard to regulate that as a parent. Really hard. But encourage it. Okay? Kid needs, like, about 10 hours of sleep at this age. Very hard to get. But, Mike, talking Bantam, we're talking 14 you. They stink. They're sweaty. There's zits everywhere. They're disgusting parents. I'm not gonna lie to you. All right? This is the age you actually kind of back up. You're like, I don't know if I want to touch that gear. I don't know if I want to touch it. 

Mike Bonelli [42:39 - 45:29]: Go ahead, Mike. Yeah, I think it's also. I mean, it's. This is. This is. This is a tough time. This is when this high school starts, girls or boys start or whatever. All these other. Other things, like, other interests are life. And, you know, I'm like, me. Like, I'm always like, it's hockey. That's all we're talking about here. Like, let's not talk about this other stuff. But it's. You know, but it's. And it's. This is the time, which is when you're looking at players. You know, the players. You know, demeanor really means a lot. Their. Their personality starts to mean a lot. Like, how are they contributing to my team? Are they giving me more headaches or less headaches? Are they somebody. You know, a lot of us still at this age, you probably have parent coaching still, and you have, you know, or coaches that have had kids at this age group, and how are they responding to each other? And how are all the. The different. Like, this is when you really get to see different dynamics of teams. Now. We don't get to see enough of this, I don't think. Especially where we are in the Northeast because there's so much movement within teams. Like, it's sometimes like. Like, holy crap, where'd this kid come from? This kid's crazy. Like, why is he on my team? Well, because he was on six other teams. You. You are just the final, you know, nail here. So sometimes you end up getting players that you're like, how'd this player even survive? Well, because they're a great hockey player, or they're not. They just keep landing on your team. So I think it's. This is the age where you start to define who you are as a player. This is where parents have to look and say, oh, geez, my son is gonna have a hard time making different teams because they have all the skills, but they don't have the right attitude, or they. They. They're in the penalty box all the time, or they don't know how to control their emotions or I don't know how to control my emotions. Like this is the time where coaches start making decisions based on who's in the stands and do I want this family associated with what we do. And do we. Even though the player is good and they can contribute, can I, can I take all the baggage? Like there's so much stuff going on this age group because it's really the time where coaches don't have to be so invested in you and the family and the kid because there's so much movement. But as we talk about going to like that 18U where once you make a commitment to a player, you're talking about junior and college programs, like you're making, like that's a big commitment you're making. You're making a three, four, five year commitment to a kid and a family where at 15, still we're only making that six month commitment. We're really not, you know, diving in. So yes, all the skills are important. Understanding hockey iq, understanding how to play in the game. But this is really where all the other non skill stuff comes into play. And it really does affect how players and where players are placed on, on certain teams. And that's just. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:29 - 45:57]: Yeah, yeah. Let's say it kind of bluntly, Mike. Parents, I'll talk directly to you if you're a pain in the butt, your kid's not making the team. All right? And I can also say this too, Mike, that the really highly skilled kids. And again, look, there's always going to be instances where this isn't true. But I think majority, the really good kids, their parents are not a pain, right? I mean, they might be sarcastic or they might be a little cocky, but they're not a pain in my ass. 

Mike Bonelli [45:57 - 46:16]: Well, the ones that are too have to be really, really good. Like if you have insanely good. Yeah, that kid better be he, you know, I listen. You know, the fact is, you're like, oh God, I just got to keep this kid around. He's, he's the best kid I could, I've ever had. And you look at the mom and dad and you're like, can I just, can I, can I separate the kid from that? 

Lee MJ Elias [46:16 - 47:02]: Right? But think about it. That's how we approach it, right? Is I gotta get this kid away from his parents. I don't ever want to be in that position with a player or parents. So parents like this is, this is tough, right, because your kid kind of has to advocate for themselves. But you also have to be A parent and guide them because a kid can be a jackass at this age, really every age. But I, I will tell you this warning, right, words of wisdom here. If you are a pain in the ass parent, I'm probably not taking your kid. And I, Mike, I'll say I don't really care how good they are because they'll destroy the team if we're not careful. All right, so let's keep going here. That, that's tough age. It is a tough age group. A lot of changes, and I think that's the last known of that. You should anticipate extreme change in your kid, emotionally, physically, talent wise. 

Mike Bonelli [47:02 - 47:43]: This. This is the age group when we talk to the most pros that were cut from a double A team when they were 13, 14, 15 years old. This is it. This is the one when a pro hockey player was cut from, like, a A team and they still made it to play pro. Like, so this is an age where you just don't know. You just. Yeah, they're all still in the mix. There's less and less kids playing. The pyramid's getting tighter and tighter, the pool is getting smaller, and you just don't know who's going to kind of pop out of there. But again, this is where passion, drive, self reliance, all other. All those other qualities come into play. And we probably should spend more time on that with our kids growing up, because this is really where it pays off. 

Lee MJ Elias [47:43 - 48:34]: Well, how about this, too? And this can be true for a few levels here, Mike, is that, you know, oh, you made the B team, they made the B team, or they're not the top team consistently here. Like, well, I mean, man, they're not going to make it. They're not going to make it. First off, I'm gonna read what I said in 6U. Stop worrying about them making it. At this age, you're still pretty far away. First off. Second of all, Mike just said it. This is the age a kid makes a choice. I didn't make the team I want to make. And as a parent, you get to say, well, what are we going to do about it? Are you gonna put the work in? All right, here's another side of this, too. If your kid's content playing the lower levels, there's nothing wrong with that, but keep the real, the expectations realistic. Like we're always saying in our house, like, if you want to play hockey at eye level, you got to put the work in. And if you don't want to put the work in, you got to be content you can't expect this expectation without the work. 

Mike Bonelli [48:35 - 48:35]: Right? 

Lee MJ Elias [48:35 - 48:37]: That's the conversation we end up having. 

Mike Bonelli [48:37 - 48:47]: And it's so funny because if you're in my generation, you say, my dad never even made a comment about a team I didn't make or debate. I'm like, he's like, oh, you didn't make the team? 

Lee MJ Elias [48:47 - 48:52]: Yeah. You know what the comment was? You're going, you're showing up, you're going to finish what you started. That, that's. 

Mike Bonelli [48:52 - 49:40]: But again, it was so funny. All the parents I knew back then would have been like, okay, well, whatever, thank God I don't have to drive you anymore. Like, this is great. Like now it wouldn't be like, how can we fix this? What can we, what can we do to make this better for you? It's like, listen, you. If you want to go outside, drag logs and, and shoot pucks and stick handle through the dog all day, then you do it. You're. You're the driver of that. And I think this is where we have to step back and be like, is my kid dry? Like, again, I get it. We all want to help the kid, our kids. I get it. But am I, am I enabling them or are they actually want the help? Like, am I making it where they feel like, oh, God, dad really wants me to do this, so I've got to do it, or are they. They saying, oh, thank God, Dad's there to help me out and want. Because I want to do this right. It's a big difference. I think that's just, that's. That's the age. 

Lee MJ Elias [49:40 - 54:13]: I'll say it too, before we get this one, especially towards the later half of this, the 14 or 50 year old. This is where my dad, I've told this story before on the show told me, or he didn't tell me to practice. And I remember going up to him and saying, hey, why didn't you tell me to go out and shoot pucks today? And this is when he said to me, because if you want it, you'll do it on your own. I won't have to say anything. And I. That had such an impact on me. I never missed a practice again, like off ice practice. I did it on my own. From that point, a decision was made on my behalf. I'll say it that way. All right, let's go to the next one, the final one. That might surprise some of you. We're going right to U18 now. Okay? So the reason we're not doing U16 is because U16 and U18. Everything we're about to say is the same. It's a, it's a big broad age group. This goes back and reinforces what we said about. Everybody develops differently. But the, the what, the expectations, the benchmarks and what we're building towards are actually the same at 16U and 18U as we look towards junior and college. Beyond that. Okay, so what to expect, It's a lifestyle at this age. If your kid is playing at this age, it's most likely, quote unquote, their life. Okay? Players are going to be sharpening specific tools and managing their mindset. So listen, there's still a tremendous amount of development cognitively and physically happening at this age. That's why we said every kid might be in a different position here. Okay? But we're starting to sharpen now. Your kids starting to have an identity in the game. The benchmark skills from 18U. Elite Edge work and top speed control. Your kid should be moving. All of that skating is now paying off. We're seeing it on the ice. Keeping in mind too, you should still be working on your skating consistently at this age. High level puck protection and vision. The brain is there. Consistent execution under pressure. If you're playing at this level, there's hitting, there's less time, there's less space, you're executing. And now we're looking at position specific habits. Okay, Positions. Now your kid is a center, your kid is a wing, your kid is a D. I'll stress again, that only matters on face offs. Obviously when we get on the ice. F1, F2, F3. You'll learn more about this at this age. But you know where you're supposed to be on the ice is the, the point. Okay, what are we building towards again? Building towards mental preparation for high stakes games. These games are the ones you will remember when you get older. Right? Game film review and self evaluation. Now this classroom now, we're really, really teaching the ins and outs of the game. And then obviously recovery routines and long term planning, that's what they're going to get at the next level. So you got to start teaching it now. Key points for the parents, a transition has now been made. You have to let the journey be theirs at this age. Okay? There's no you. There's not much control anymore. Obviously you're driving, you're probably still paying. But now they're on their own. You're not having the same talks with them after games as maybe that you did when they were 8 or 9 at this age, okay, they have to own it and celebrate their love of the game. Okay, again, it's not just about the level. This is a really important time to say this. Don't equate your kids worth to how many letters are after the team that they're on. It's a mistake. Okay? Equate their worth to the effort and the time that they're putting in. I can tell you right now, I have met 18 U triple players that were horrible people people and 18 UB players that were some of the greatest kids I've ever met. And they're going to succeed in life. Maybe not in hockey, but they're going to succeed. The letters are not how you show value. They are not. They are skill based, I'll give you that. Okay. If you want to say the kids more skilled in aaa, sure. All right. But what type of person are they gonna be? And I gotta say this, Mike, before we get into this. Yes. If you're playing at a high level at the stage, you're definitely looking for college or juniors or a higher level of hockey. I will remind all of you, none of these kids are going to play hockey forever. And the type of person that they're becoming at this age is insanely important for their profession, for their, for their hockey if they continue to play and what they're going to do for the next 40 years of their freaking life. So keep that in the back of your mind, okay? Because the professional kid, the one that has the work ethic, the one that knows how to be a teammate, whether they play hockey or not, it's going to be a pretty good member of society, a pretty good work, a pretty good student. You got to keep these in mind at this age. Don't get lost on the skill level. All right? It's a lifestyle. Mike, your thoughts on 18U and 16U together. So 15 to 20 years old, we'll say. I'm sorry, 15 to 18 years old. 

Mike Bonelli [54:15 - 55:13]: Yeah, well, it's also as a parent too, it's the hardest to navigate as far as, like what the expectation should be of, of, you know, where you can go with this, right? Because there are 16 year olds that are getting drafted to the BCHL and there are 16 year olds that are barely, you know, gonna make their high school team. So I think it's just like, you know, so. And they both, they both have the same drive, like they both have the same. I want to make it, you know, they both have the same. I'm gonna, I'm gonna play at the highest level of the game. So I Think it's a, A lot of this. Is 18, you know, 16, 17. Do I, am I leaving for juniors early? Am I, am I, is my, is my, is. Am I making commitment now that I'm not gonna, that I want to play college hockey? And if I do, then I, then I'm probably not playing college hockey till I'm, you know, 21 years old. Like, so can I, can I take. Imagine that you're 16, 17, and, and, you know, you want to play college hockey and you're good enough, you know, you're in the right developmental place. You're not playing until you're 21. 

Lee MJ Elias [55:13 - 55:13]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [55:13 - 55:35]: That's as much time as you've already played youth hockey. Right. So it's like, it just, that's a lot of time. And so I think it's just, you know, and then there's other kids that, you know, know that where their journey's taking them and they just want to squeak out that extra one or two years. But to say it is, it is a, it is a lifestyle. It is a. Wow. I've kind of defined myself as a hockey player. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [55:36 - 55:38]: It can't be their only identity, though. But yes, 100. 

Mike Bonelli [55:38 - 56:09]: Right. And, well, hopefully, you know, they have a lot of other things going. Going for them and, and, you know, not, not to have a backup plan, but to have something that, you know, works within the same, the same system. I mean, and again, if it's a vehicle to get you to the school you want and so it's a vehicle to get you playing. I, I worked with a player. I won't say what country they're from. Just recently, I worked with a player that had no interest in playing college hockey. Like, well, I don't want. Why would I play college hockey? I don't want to. I want to make money playing hockey. So in my country, I can go play pro hockey right now. 

Lee MJ Elias [56:10 - 56:10]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [56:10 - 57:45]: I'm like, well, yeah, go do that then. Why, why wouldn't you do that? Like, if there's no. If you're, if you're going to be. If you're going to get into a profession that maybe doesn't need a college education anyway, then go play hockey and make as much money as you want and go play pro and have fun and tour around Europe and go crazy, and there's plenty of people that can do that, or if you don't. If you go into a profession that doesn't need a college degree. Yeah, I don't know. You're only, you're only 17 once. Play as long as you can play as many play, play as far away as you want. I mean, so it's, this is really where though, you know, you do definitely. I, I think it's great to have good support systems around you and have people kind of giving you some great sound advice and helping you navigate that journey. Because this is when the biggest trip ups can happen and the biggest shysters there are out there that say, I'm going to bring you here and you're going to play and we're going to make you our guy. Oh, but by the way, you need to pay to do it, so be very careful. This is the age where, you know, the youth hockey, you know, tuition payment is not the same. It's living with different people. It's living with a billet family, it's leaving home. It's, it's, it's, it, it's making a commitment to something that maybe that person doesn't have your best interest in mind and doesn't have your best health in mind. Like, so these are really, you know, this is the time where a lot of players will get an advisor or get, or get advisement or look for a trusted person to help them navigate this journey. Because there are some really bad pitfalls that can happen if you're really not careful between 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 years old. It's a long time to make a lot of different mistakes if you're not around the right people. 

Lee MJ Elias [57:45 - 1:01:31]: Yeah. And look, I'll say this too, that parents, there's a lot of guidance at this age from you. Right. It's not a bad thing. But the kids have to make decisions. And here's one we, all right, they gotta live with their decisions. I actually say that to my players on the ice. Live with your decision. And guess what? You're probably gonna make some mistakes, right? I know everything at this age feels like it's a high stake decision. And look, yeah, there's some more stakes on these decisions than when you're 9, 10, 11 years old. But it's not the be all, end all of your life. In fact, the more important decisions are what they're probably doing away from the rink. Right. So those are some things to think about right there. And look, we'll close it out with this too. Like the next level up is we'll just say 20, 20 and under, 21, 22, college and junior. So parents, to finish the analogy, the bread's done. All right? The cupcakes are done. You, they're out of the oven. And now, and this is the key. Now, you hand them off, you're going to give them to somebody else, whether it's a teacher or a coach or a junior coach, a college coach. And this is the kicker. You don't get to put the toppings on the bread or on the. On the. On the muffins. That's someone else's job. Now, you've baked the bread, you've baked the goods, and now someone else has to put the. The sprinkles on top of the whipped cream on top of the butter on top, or whatever you're making. All right? You hand it off. And Mike, I'll be honest with you. Obviously, as a parent, I'm not there yet, but we've heard from so many parents that have done this, and we. I've been told one of the hardest things and one of the most proud moments of every parent's life is this point where you're handing the that your child is now a young adult and they're gonna have to find their way into the world. All right? But it proves a few things. Takes a long time to cook a hockey player. And parents, also, you have done a lot of work over that 18 years, right? And I can only imagine. I mean, this is just a younger parent can only imagine the pride and the despair of that moment, but you did it. Okay? So again, we hope you gave. We hope he gave you some great what to expect and benchmarks for each age group. I'm going to say it again. We sit at the top. Everyone's a little bit all over the place, right? If you get some of these earlier or later, it's okay. But this is just a guide of, like, this is kind of where you want to be at this age. If you're ahead, great. If you're behind, okay, now you know what to work on. The other thing we're going to do is we'll make sure we put the notes of all these things on the website with the episode, right? So maybe you can download this or we'll have it available to you in a way that you can kind of look at this with your eyes as well as much as the episode. But that's it. That. That's what skills your kids should have by their age. Remember the difference between benchmark skills and what you're building towards and have some realistic expectations. And then, parents, I'm going to say this to you as well, too. Remember, this is like our favorite quote here. You're not crazy. It's the hockey world that's crazy. Okay? And there's a lot of stuff out there. Mike says it all the time. If you're listening to this show, you're probably in the non crazy part of that journey, but the world of it is crazy. So you're doing a great job wherever you're at. Okay? I know as again, I have the youngest kids on this show, how much this show benefits me as a parent and me and my kids hockey journey. And again, I think that just brings me to my final point, Mike, and I'll throw it to you. Just enjoy every day as it comes. Don't be looking in the future. Don't be looking too far in the past. Just be present with your kids. Because there's one thing I do know, Mike, it's you're never going to get any of those days back. You never get them back. You get the time you have. So be present with your kids. Enjoy every moment with your kid, the good ones and the bad ones. Remember, a lot of the growth comes from the bad ones. All right, you're doing a great job. If you're listening to this episode, you're doing a great job. All right, you want to know, right? You want to learn? All right, Mike, give us some closing thoughts and then we'll close the episode out. 

Mike Bonelli [1:01:32 - 1:04:15]: No, I mean, you know, it is, it is a fact that it comes, it goes fast. There's no, there's no reason to speed things up. You, you actually, when you get to the end of the journey, you're like, oh, I wish I would have just not sped that up. I mean, it. There's so many opportunities to take and listen and, you know, kind of digest a lot of the advice you get from the, the generation before you. And, you know, a lot of us don't listen. And it's just part of the process of, like, I, well, yes, that's great for your kid, but that's not my kid. And you know, my son or daughter is not that person. I know them. And you do know them best. You know them better than anyone. So you're the one that probably has to help make these decisions. And they are hard. They're not easy. We've talked to again, the benefit of being on a show like this is talking to pro athletes that had the hardest, worst youth hockey experiences ever, and still they were able to overcome that and play at the highest levels. And then the people we don't get to talk to are all those people that had horrible, worst experiences ever and amounted to nothing like, or, or in, you know, Some, some rehab center somewhere so you don't like. Again, you don't know. And again. And, and many. Every player we've talked to, I don't think there's one that we haven't that would say, oh, when I was 12, the, all these kids are better than me. They're all better than me. And, and guess what? They're really great people now. They're still doing great things. They're presidents of work organizations or they're, they're heads of their companies or their leaders in their fields. And they don't necessarily have to be a great hockey player. Just happens to be a very select group of people, become great hockey players. And you say it all the time, just be a great person, you know, be a good person, be a great individual. Add to your, you know, add to your community. Or don't, you know, I don't care. But just, but just, you know, be, be aware that the hockey piece is just one little, tiny little piece of this. And in our episode here, the skill development piece is probably the most. The fact that we can look at the easiest say, oh, you either have it or you don't. Your personality and all this other stuff, ah, who knows? But as far as like looking at skills and looking at, you know, can my son Sock draw that pocket? Six years old, great. Now move on. Now. Can they do it on their back end now? Can they do it under pressure? Now? Can they do it in a, you know, in these small areas, can they do in a big area? All the other kind of stuff? But I think overall it's a long, long process. I'm very hungry with this, with the cooking analogy right now. And I think it's just a matter of understanding that all these processes take place in your own world. Don't compare yourself to everyone else and let that journey, you know, happen on your own. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:04:16 - 1:04:30]: And Mike, to, to end this right, I'm gonna go back to the, just looking at the, the five and six year old key point for parenthood support. Don't stress. If they're smiling, you're succeeding. That is true at every age group. 

Mike Bonelli [1:04:30 - 1:04:30]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:04:30 - 1:05:10]: Okay, so just remember that. All right, gang. What a great episode. Mike, again, what skills should your kid have at their age? If you're new to our show, remember we've got like 400 episodes. You can listen to it anytime. We, we appreciate this audience so much. If you have a question, comment, you agree, you disagree, whatever you're at, you want to contact the host of the show team at our kids playhockey.com, send an email to us or accompanying the show. In the notes, there's a link. If you click on that, you can actually text us. Just leave your name and who you are, where you're from, and we'll. We'll create episodes from this. This episode was created by an email that we got asking for this. So you're the best audience in the world. All right, Mike, Great job today, man. This has been. This has been fun. I always love being up here with you. 

Mike Bonelli [1:05:10 - 1:05:11]: Awesome. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:05:11 - 1:05:48]: All right, we're gonna see you all in the next episode of Our Kids Play Hockey. For Mike Benelli, I'm Lee Elias. Everybody skate on. Have fun. We'll see you next time. Take care, everybody. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network, or our website, Our Kids Play Hockey Dot com. Also, make sure to check out our children's book, When Hockey Stops at When Hockey Stops Dot com. It's a book that helps children deal with inf adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode.