In this episode, Mahalia interviews research author, clinical trainer and therapist Faust Ruggiero’s. Author of The Fix Yourself Handbook, we discuss more details of The Fix Yourself Process, a step-by-step program Faust created that can transform your life into one that is happy, healthy, purposeful, and content.
Who we are is the product of the interplay between our physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual attributes. The Process Way of Life’s fifty-two internal processes will help you create a state of internal balance as these four attributes operate together, providing you with a pure loving energy source that will change your life. Learning to understand and love yourself, and to apply your love to others, is the enduring final gift of the Process Way of Life.
Faust A. Ruggiero’s professional career spans almost 40 years, and is diversified and compelling, as it has consistently established new and exciting cutting-edge counselling programs in its pursuit of professional excellence and personal life enhancement. He is a published research author, clinical trainer, and a therapist who has worked in settings that have included clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centres, inpatient facilities, and as the President of the Community Psychological Center in Bangor, Pennsylvania. In that capacity, he developed the Process Way of Life counselling program and has developed it into a formal text presented in the Fix Yourself Handbook.
SILVER WINNER, Nonfiction Authors Association Book Awards
The Fix Yourself Handbook Can By Found here on Amazon
Don't forget to connect with Mahalia and join the journey on Instagram -www.instagram.com/mahaliajaneco
LIMITED SPACE FOR 2021 - BOOK 1:1 call with Mahalia here: https://calendly.com/mahaliajane/discoverycall
In this episode, Mahalia interviews research author, clinical trainer and therapist Faust Ruggiero’s. Author of The Fix Yourself Handbook, we discuss more details of The Fix Yourself Process, a step-by-step program Faust created that can transform your life into one that is happy, healthy, purposeful, and content.
Who we are is the product of the interplay between our physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual attributes. The Process Way of Life’s fifty-two internal processes will help you create a state of internal balance as these four attributes operate together, providing you with a pure loving energy source that will change your life. Learning to understand and love yourself, and to apply your love to others, is the enduring final gift of the Process Way of Life.
Faust A. Ruggiero’s professional career spans almost 40 years, and is diversified and compelling, as it has consistently established new and exciting cutting-edge counselling programs in its pursuit of professional excellence and personal life enhancement. He is a published research author, clinical trainer, and a therapist who has worked in settings that have included clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centres, inpatient facilities, and as the President of the Community Psychological Center in Bangor, Pennsylvania. In that capacity, he developed the Process Way of Life counselling program and has developed it into a formal text presented in the Fix Yourself Handbook.
SILVER WINNER, Nonfiction Authors Association Book Awards
The Fix Yourself Handbook Can By Found here on Amazon
Don't forget to connect with Mahalia and join the journey on Instagram -www.instagram.com/mahaliajaneco
LIMITED SPACE FOR 2021 - BOOK 1:1 call with Mahalia here: https://calendly.com/mahaliajane/discoverycall
SPEAKERS
Faust Ruggiero, Mahalia Jane
Mahalia Jane 00:04
Hi, welcome to the uncoverypodcast. I'm your host, Mahalia Jane.
Mahalia Jane 00:15
Every episode, I take you on a journey, talking about life, wellbeing, and mental healing, the uncovering connects with different people from different places who share stories of growth and enlightenment. It's my passion and privilege to be here guiding you with my own truth and experiences. Because it is possible to live in a beautiful state. We're on very different sides of the world right now, aren't we?
Faust Ruggiero 00:43
We are a mere 15 hours difference.
Mahalia Jane 00:47
Yeah, yes. But in saying that something that we've already spoken about is were quite connected through this pandemic that we're having, that's one thing that we already have in common.
Faust Ruggiero 00:59
Yeah, we are, you know, it doesn't matter what part of the world you're in the viruses have the virus, and it's amazing, everyone do pretty much the same thing. And it's causing pretty much the same reaction with all of us. You know, so you want you know, when you look for something that really makes us understand how you not only how unique we are, but how connected we are. So this is one of those.
Mahalia Jane 01:21
And something that I've heard you speak of already, in your own podcasts, is how much as individuals and as people, our reaction that we're having to this pandemic is quite similar to the reaction that we will have to life. So you speak of some people go against what we need to be doing, to keep this virus at at bay, and then others will completely resist that and go the other way.
Faust Ruggiero 01:50
And that's the way I look at it, you know, I always tell people, that if we're strong on the inside, every day, we really work on ourselves, and we want to be able to transition to things and, and to accept new challenges, embrace the world that we have, that's the person we are, and then we're going to, we're going to have our challenges. And if if we're willing to do that in everyday life, when the big ones come up, you know, the ones that that instigate loss, and grieving those types of things, we're going to be able to deal with those because we're not going to be working against ourselves, you know, the virus who's doing enough of that. But we don't want to put ourselves in a position to continue to work against ourselves. So, you know, the stronger we are inside things that, you know, you know, are the way we're honest with ourselves and the way we we use our our minds, as opposed to only our emotions, because we're going to come through this, but the best thing we can do is just work with it get to the other side, and then we can rebuild life as we choose.
Mahalia Jane 02:52
Yeah, absolutely. And on that, I mean, you've written a book called The fix yourself handbook. So can you tell me a little bit more about what inspired you to write that book?
Faust Ruggiero 03:04
You know, I've been counselling for a long time, in private practice on about 32 years in and, and when you do that, you know, you come out of school, and they teach you all things that you think you're supposed to know. And then you'll go about trying to apply them. And as you're doing that for a few years, you start to realise some things just don't work. And then you can have one template for every one. So you start working with people and putting things in and taking things out. And what I found is that all life, every way we live life is made up of processes. It doesn't matter what we're doing, you know, you and I are doing a podcast. Now there's all the processes that were involved in getting us to this point, from the initial communications to all the things that we're doing. And now here we are doing this life is made up of all these processes. So I started to identify those came up with about 52 of them, and put them in the book and in the programme and in 36 chapters. And I wanted that book to simulate a counselling session, I wanted them to people to understand that it's not just one thing that ever upsets our world, it's usually five or 10 or 15. It's, you know, there there are a whole lot inside we're everything's entwined. And, and we know so we want to get in there and get all the things that are that are concerning us. So the book is written in those 36 chapters, to address all the specific problems, all the processes are involved in helping us do that. And then I wanted to give people a book that at the end of each chapter, I can say here are the exact things you should do. Oh, you know, we're talking about people pleasing. For example, if you're a person who's just caught up in that, and you don't know how to get out of it. That chapter which is about four or five pages, is going to tell you all the information you need to know in a good capsulized view and then after at the end say here do all these things, and you know, help move you away from that. I wanted each chapter be like that, because I've never seen a self help book written that way. And so that's why people can look at it and say, Okay, he's telling me, this is the problem, this is all the information I need to know, here's what you need to do. That's what we do in a counselling session. And then when they're done reading the book, and maybe it's a year later, I want them to be able to go back and have a reference book. So, you know, if it's you, what did he say about people pleasing? lango, right back there, four or five pages? And then I get to my steps. Okay, those are this is where I went off track, and I can get myself back on track.
Mahalia Jane 05:38
I mean, that's a lot of steps to, to, to go through. And I can imagine the, that'd be much more in depth to the history of how you wrote that book. You have you found that people want to skip the steps that they want to hone in on say, one or two?
Faust Ruggiero 05:55
No, that's what I you know, those are the when you when you write a book like this, that's what you initially say, Gee, I hope they're not going to skip those. But what actually happened is when I'm hearing people say, it's finally someone is saying, first of all, I don't have to go through 40 or 50 pages of a chapter and and hear all this information that someone else said, like, we really have to love ourselves, and then they don't tell us how to do it. So that what they're what they're actually feasting on, if you will, are those steps. They're saying, Okay, finally someone said, do this, now I can go out and do it. Because I it's, it's put in, you know, what it steps one through five, or 10, or whatever, at the end of the chapter, depending on on the chapter. So that's, obviously one of the concerns, but it actually is the strength of the book, that is what they're the readers are holding on to the most,
Mahalia Jane 06:44
Do you truly believe that it is possible to fix ourselves?
Faust Ruggiero 06:49
Yes, I do, I think, and the really, spot on answer to that is that we have tried to do this forever. But we do it by trying to do it from things outside ourselves, what's trending today, what this person says, do what everyone is doing. And it becomes very fragile, because that's their statement. That's their programme. We just need to simply go inside ourselves. And there's loads and loads of strength inside all of us. You know, people think that when we say fix yourself, it's going to go in, we're going to go in and get all the the terrible things. But no, we're going to go in and get all the strengths. That's really what the goal is go inside yourself, find out what really works for you. And then begin applying those things. And that's how you change your life.
Mahalia Jane 07:41
So for someone who feels a complete, out of balance, and not in alignment, because you you mentioned internal balance and inner strength, with a place someone can start from the first step that they can look at applying
Faust Ruggiero 08:00
the first step I just started hitting on, which is and I call it taking your life off autopilot, you know, we have a tendency to follow the crowd, we don't even think about what we're doing. We make this we allow other people to make decisions for us. And then, so when we become people who don't gather information very well, because we like to skip that step. And then where we seem to be content and allowing other people to say go here. And just so we're following the crowd and we're in step, we feel that's okay, the first step is to just stop doing that, take your life off autopilot, stop following the crowd, you're you know, you're going to go inside yourself, so to speak, and let's start looking at the information that's important to you and making and start making some decisions. Let's look at that's the first skill I want to teach people is, let's make a few life decisions and that nothing grandiose, you know, let's define what it is that you want to change about yourself. Let's start setting goals about where you want to go. But the first step is, stop doing the things that you that you've been doing.
Mahalia Jane 09:05
Definitely, because every single person is different and wired differently and have different strengths. So to say that there's one way that we can all programme our life and work how have you found to approach this because we are so different. So having one strategy for someone may not work for another person. So how would you go back then if someone is a completely in a completely different state or mind set to somebody else?
Faust Ruggiero 09:43
That's actually the beauty of the programme. That's, that should be the beauty of any counselling experience or life in general. We want to define the way we are, it's going to be different. You know, people will you know, you've heard this slogan before. We're unique. There's no other person like us in the world. And that's true. So it's that's why I say it's all about going inside you and finding out what's important to you. Let's talk about the way you are wired. Let's understand that. And the more we understand how we're wired, then the less dependence we have on letting someone else tell us well, this is what I think you should do. This is what we're all doing in this country is now economically, socially, politically, there is so much pressure for everyone to be the same. And when you're not, I mean, you can be attacked for your values or your beliefs. And then that, you know, that doesn't do anything that is the ability to diversify and, and present new information is what we're looking for. So I, and I don't want people to feel so fragile that they depend on other people to lead them. Let's go in there and get all those nice, those really good strengths that you have, let's find out what's different about you, you yourself are going to love that you're going to embrace it. Why would you not you know, once you find, start finding all those good things about yourself, you start to say, God, living life, all this, the way I was for all these years, and I had this inside me and I never even knew it. You know, it's when I see people starting to grasp that it's like, you know, if you're a counsellor, this is you say, Oh, my God, that's what I've been waiting for to see you experienced that and, and you can almost feel good with them as they're grasping that part of themselves.
Mahalia Jane 11:25
Definitely, I think one thing that I've experienced as well, and the work that I'm doing, sometimes people don't actually realise that something that they were viewing as potentially a negative self belief is truly a positive thing, and an incredible strength until it's brought to their attention, or I mentioned it, they go, I never realised that this was a strength of mine. I was speaking to someone not long ago, and she was constantly focusing on how she has all of these different projects in the air. So many, many different things. And none of them are coming to completion. But then I said to her, you have this incredible ability to start. And that's a strength. There are many people that actually don't know how to start. So opening her eyes to Wow, I have this amazing ability to start things. Because I think the starting can sometimes be the hardest thing for people.
Faust Ruggiero 12:29
It is the hardest thing. You know, and I always tell people, you know, you've been doing this for a long time, the way you've been doing it, but let you know, we're gonna make some changes. And the first step, the first thing you have to say is, am I worth the effort? Do I really believe that I'm worth the the effort it's going to take to change and change doesn't have to be again, from horrible to good. It may be that you're doing pretty well. But just like you said, I didn't know I had that. And gene. And and and the other thing is sometimes they're doing it and they don't even know they're doing it. They're they're doing well. And they're just not sure because they don't know how to define it. And once you learn how to define it, not only will you do well, you'll enhance that position, and you'll expand it to so many other parts of your life.
Mahalia Jane 13:21
I am Excuse me? Yes, live. I'm loving what you're saying. It's very, um, it's very relevant to some of the work that I'm doing with people as well. So when you started counselling, what was the What was the reason behind why you wanted to become a counsellor? and work with people?
Faust Ruggiero 13:44
Yeah, no, I think I was just born into this. I was I was the kid in, you know, in school, and everybody came and talk to you know, and, you know, as I'm doing these interviews, because sometimes you know, you do this, and I've known that I've known I've been the counsellor inside, and it's been there forever. But what I think what I've defined, is how well I listened to people. I think that's really the skill you can you can be the greatest counsellor in the world. But if you can't listen to people, and really connect with them, and when they're talking to you, they look and they say, Well, he is really engaged. He really is interested in what I'm saying, he really wants to help me and he's willing to go the whole route with me, then it changes everything and and that whole process for me, is is just wonderful. And I've been doing this all these years. And I still love going into the office every day and I I look at every person that comes in as a gift. And not only do they learn from me, but I think I've learned from each and every one of them. So that's the other part of counselling is that you kind of have to remain a perpetual student. You have to be able to to connect with them. You're going to you're going to get some things and sometimes you get you're getting them and you know and sometimes you Don't, but um, this is just me who I am, I can't imagine my life without some type of in service part of me, it's just just what makes me go.
Mahalia Jane 15:11
That's really special to know as well, that the way you're leaving your mark on this world is to, to serve. I think that many people when they reach a point in their life, and I communicate and connect with them in a way, and I say, what is it that you you want? So when you've overcome something in your life, what is it that you actually want, and there are more people than I realised who say, I want to help, I want to give back. But I find sometimes it's the ones that maybe have gone through their own journey, their own process, and had people help them like counsellors or coaches, and they've experienced the need for that, that paying forward serving nature.
Faust Ruggiero 16:01
And that's true, you know. And when you do that, as long as I have you have those, those kids who came to see you, and now they knock on your door one day, and they don't need your help, and they say, just wanted to come in and say thanks. And guess what I did with my life since, you know, I left you when I was 18. I said, Well, what did you do? And I say, well, you can call me Dr. So and so now, and I'm counselling people. And you're, you're the guy that brought that out in me. And I said, Well, I didn't really bring it out, you had it all the time, all you did is identify it, we took some time to define some things, you made some good decisions, and you went inside, found your strengths. Now here you are using them. And that's just that's a wonderful thing to see.
Mahalia Jane 16:43
Definitely. So in the work that you've done, I can imagine you would have worked with many people. What is a common theme that you have seen in people?
Faust Ruggiero 16:57
The most common theme is the the difficulty defining who they are. Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to be attached to other people, but defining their own individuality and what makes them work. That's, that's the difficult part. And that's why people then kind of fall into situations, you know, fall into relationships. And then down the road, the job doesn't seem to be so good, the relationship isn't working anymore. And I always tell people, you know, it's sort of like, if I sent you, if I said to you, let's go buy a car that you want, and you walk in the lot, and you have absolutely no idea what you're looking for. Expect the salesman to sell you something, you never want it and you're gonna pay for it. Okay? But when you go in and say this is specifically, this is exactly what I want. This is what I want to spend, and I'm not taking no for an answer, you will either leave there and say I'm fine. I didn't get that and I'll go somewhere else and get it or you will walk off or drive off the lot, say in something that you wanted. So you really want to be able to define who you are inside, because that's the person interacting with the rest of the world.
Mahalia Jane 18:09
Mm hmm. And do you think the thing that most people are looking for in life is to really know who they are first? Yeah,
Faust Ruggiero 18:17
well, they don't know that in the beginning, what they're looking for is to be happy and looking for the shortest route there. And that leads to all that good, old, quick fix stuff that you know, you know, and quick fixes, as you know, you, you get what you want real quick and it's like a credit card, then the bill comes in, you know, and then you're gonna pay it and then you're gonna go reestablish that Quick, quick fix over and over again. I tell people, it's a life plan, you are alive every day, we should be able to enjoy the journey that we're on. It's not about the destination. It's not about putting these little sparkle places in your life. If you can get up every day and say, I'm happy with where I am I happy with myself. And you can serve people in the process. That's wonderful. But it's your journey every day. So why not give your life attention every day. It doesn't have to be work, you should be enjoying the process. That's the key is that you enjoy? You know, you are your your the best project you're ever going to have in your life. Why not enjoy it and keep working on it?
Mahalia Jane 19:18
Yeah, it doesn't stop the project. There's no, there's no conclusion. You don't hand it in and get marked on it. No, it keeps going. It definitely keeps going keeps evolving. I think one thing that does come up quite a lot for me with individuals is they find they're constantly putting others before themselves. They say I'm always putting others before myself, I can't do something for me. But if I'm doing it for someone else, I'll finish it and I'll do a great job. I think some of the time that might come from mothers who have That behaviour within them, that nurturing nature about them. But it's something that people really struggle to come to terms with what it would be like to prioritise themselves and to make that project like you said before. And I love the way you put that as the priority for someone that has that's foreign to them, what what would you say,
Faust Ruggiero 20:24
and it comes up all the time. And the conflict, as I've found it is to prioritise myself, in the normal standard way of doing things is to say that I'm selfish, and I want everything for myself. And I said, That's not what we're talking about, when we talk, what we're prioritising is growth. That's what that's what it's all about. And once you start doing that, and you grow, you're going to connect more efficiently and more productively, and more lovingly to other people. You know, it's like, if your parents, if the two parents are not working, well, the children suffer. So you want to be able to get strong, as I say, inside, you want to be able to take that time for yourself, and grow. Be willing to help everyone else to take care of your job and have fun and do all those things, but prioritise your growth, prioritise the journey that you're on, and then just spread it out to everyone else, all the neat things you're going to find about yourself, it's not like, you know, you're going to keep them to yourself and say, Well, I got them, and now they're all mine, and no one gets any, all those all that nice growth, all that Beauty Inside you is going to come out and wrap itself around your world. So in the end, everyone wins.
Mahalia Jane 21:39
That's a very powerful thing to say. Focus on that self, and that growth, and then everyone wins. If you do that, not the other way around, focus on yourself first, then others, rather than the other, it sounds simple, when we talk about it,
Faust Ruggiero 21:58
to go back into whatever. The thing is the key to this, you know, as I tell people slow down on your life, because we're making snap decisions. You know, when you take some time and slow down, then your brain can kinda, you know, take the information and start breaking it down and making it work for you. We go so fast, and I don't just mean physically from place to place, our minds are constantly rolling, we don't even realise that we're multitasking. You know, sometime at the slowest phase of our life, there's a whole lot going on in our head. So we want to slow down enough so that we can just take that information, look at it. It teaches us how to be honest with ourselves because you can't be honest with yourself while you're going 100 miles an hour, it just doesn't work. Because that that but I call brutal honesty, that going in and really getting all the good information about yourself doesn't happen while you're going so fast. So slow down everything first, again, give your give your your mind a chance to work on things. That's that balance I'm talking about. If we slow down, we allow our brain which is our intellect, the intellectual part of us to work with good factual information. You know, the other parts of that balance are the emotions and emotions when they, when they just just spike like most of us allow them to do that nothing, you know, in our life throws our balance off more than our emotions, you know, we can get we can just, you know, go from zero to 60 in a heartbeat. And, and that interferes in the way your mind works. Because now you know, again, emotions just rev us up. So the mind doesn't have a chance to hear things. So we want to get we want to get those emotions down. You know, physically. I tell people try to, you know, work on things to slow down, whether it's meditation or breathing exercises, and we do it, I get some some hints in the book, just you know, the basics for breathing and get your body down. We talk about how to physically work with things like meditation, or if you want to go in a spiritual side with prayer, whatever it is, that's going to slow you down enough to allow your emotions to relax a bit. It's not that we can emote. We just want to emote later, you know if something. An example is is the pandemic it came up and in this country, someone went on soon as it happened, said My God, we're going to quarantine get paper products. And so here we are in the middle of a quarantine and we can't find toilet paper. You know, that was all emotional. They didn't no one took a step back and said you know what, if I have to get quarantined, I've got family and friends and everything. I can leave a few dollars at the door. They'll go do my shopping, they'll put it on the porch and I would go from there. No one said that and everybody hoarded everything they could find and the shelves were empty. If we would have slowed down a bit, said okay, let me look at the information. Let me get my emotions back here a minute. Let me look at the information we could have put together a plan that would work for us. We And then when our emotions came back into it, we'd be emoting over something that made some sense a little, little healthier way to eat to emote on those things. And that's how we start things I, the first four chapters of the book, get you started, you know, and then and then we go into a format, I call them present, understand and fix, you know, the president the problem, you wonder, you get the information, understand it, you put together a plan, it's not really what I what I put together here is not like, some guy came out, oh, my God, he's brilliant. Look at what he's done. It's all the normal things we should be doing every day, I just wrote it down.
Mahalia Jane 25:36
Definitely, there's so much attention around how to walk more around how to be happy and finding a light in life and going towards the light, doing the things that bring these quick fixes of happiness and contentment. And we've spoken about it a couple of times that there are so many of these quick fixes. But one thing with my own personal experience and working with other people, their moments of transformation happen when they are in those stages of darkness, and really being in the things that are completely uncomfortable. So with your own experience, how I'm sure you've just like any other human being, you've had moments of having to face being uncomfortable, to then overcome your own transformation and grow within yourself. Have you ever experienced those moments and just thought, this is completely impossible? How am I going to overcome this or thought, I'm teaching people this, but now I'm in it, it's actually harder than I preach,
Faust Ruggiero 26:47
to try to tell people that I'm not the counselling machine, I do have a couple of these things going on myself, you know, and what is okay, I'm in this, do I want to make myself crazy, or let me start looking at where I need to go with it. There is going to be another side, and this is going to end. And when I get there, I would really like it to be something that taught me a few things. Because not only that, will that bring me through what I'm experiencing, it will give me some life lessons that I will apply again, the next time something comes along. The key is just and this is we're back to that uncomfortable thing. If you tell someone what we're going to put you on a treadmill for five minutes, the first thing they're going to think about is I'm going to be uncomfortable, I'm going to sweat and I hate to sweat and I, I'm in my breathing. And they're starting to really get themselves so emotionally packed with negative energy, that it works against them. If you're able to go and say, well, it's going to be uncomfortable, but I think I'll ride it out and see where it goes. It's such a, that alone is such a different way to start the process. Let me let me do this. Well, let me see where it goes. Maybe I'm going to come out, okay. And you usually do, you know, anticipation of pain is usually worse than the pain when you get there. It's how we look at it and say, Oh my god, this is going to happen. And when we get there, it didn't happen. It wasn't that way. You know, we don't have that ability to see into the future. So you know, you're in it, you're living life, moment by moment, that's your day, what's going on in front of you is your day, trying to embrace it, try to work with it. And some of its difficult, more difficult than others. I mean, we lose people, we, we we hit tragedies, people are suddenly killed, whatever it may be in our lives, we have to deal with some of those. But most of the things that come on most of our uncomfortable places, they're really not that bad. They're just not what we want.
Mahalia Jane 28:55
And like you said, it's talking about fear, really, the fear of facing the pain is often worse than truly facing and overcoming it.
Faust Ruggiero 29:08
And you want to have something to look forward to every day and, and people you know, I talked about being passionate about life and they're looking for something to be passionate about, or they want to be creative and looking looking for some way to be creative. And I keep saying that you're going outside of yourself again, your passion should be inside you every day. If If you have to be passionate about something that's really excitement, that's you know, something happened and then you got excited. Your Passion should be that that feeling of I can't wait to get into my day and I'm going to wrap myself around everything that comes along. And then that's passion coming from the inside and it works his way out rather than excitement from the outside coming in. You know, and that's just a whole different way to live life. Creativity is the same way people are looking for you know, they They look at the at the, the actress or the singer or what? And their creative what they do one thing creatively, they identified it. Before they got there, they decided to be creative people every day. I don't you can be creative taking the garbage out, you know. So it's all that stuff's inside you would tell you, you, you work from the inside out, not bring the rest of the world in.
Mahalia Jane 30:24
Definitely, and coming from someone who is a creative and who has worked as a, I'm a singer, songwriter. And it's what I do. It's what I've done for so many years. And many people ask me, how did you start? How did you get there? How do I do that. And it really becomes just part of what you do. But along the way along the journey, there are many things that I had to master within myself to then be able to have that creative outlet. be something that was a stable thing in my life, rather than all over the place. And it's like a job. You can be passionate about a project or a job.
Faust Ruggiero 31:08
You can be passionate about anything, what you're being passionate about, what I've tell people is, and we're back to the same thing, be passionate about you, be passionate about your growth, be passionate about the way you're going to feel about the world, be passionate. If you're doing that, that thing that you hope you're going to score on so to speak, whether it's songwriting, or it's writing a book, or it's playing a sport, you'll find it, you'll it will not find you. And they all ask, they asked me the same questions, how did you? How do I get to the point that I'm going to get that published. And it's not about that. It's about being passionate about your work about about your life, it's about getting up and say, every day, I could be stuck in the house in a pandemic, or I could be out doing that wonderful thing I like and I'm still going to be passionate about my life. If you can do that, you you will, I guarantee you, you will define something that helps you make a mark on the world. But you can't but it's got to come from the inside. And it's got to be there every day. You're writing songs. I mean, it's not that people will say, how do you write that song, it's in you. And it's going to come out. And and you have identified the vehicle for that to happen. But you had, if you're an artist, you identify what the passion is inside you is all about. That's what allows it to come out for us. If we don't do that with the writers, we get writer's block, you write a song, you know how it goes. Now, when I Where do I go with this, you know, I got stuck. And I think I'm playing the same things over and over again.
Faust Ruggiero 32:40
Exactly.
Mahalia Jane 32:43
those insights, thank you, and you then you love the process of doing. And that's all the process is when you love the process associated with doing anything, you will eventually find success. You have to love, you know, if you work out and so I want to build muscle or I want to be able to run that marathon, it's being in the gym every day, I'm loving that time in the gym. Because otherwise, the other parts Not going to happen that will eventually just it'll happen because you put all the time in. Enjoy that time be passionate about it. Love it.
Mahalia Jane 33:20
Yeah, it needs to start with you though. And I think is I'm I'm in the process of I'm almost about to launch a new programme. And so many people I've connected with recently think that it's all about, at the end of this, I'll know exactly what I want to do. I'll know my purpose. And I'll have the strategies on how to get there. Because right now I'm confused. And I don't know what I want. And I've already explained to many of these people, this is probably more about understanding who you are as a person, loving that person so deeply. That then anything that you do that comes from a place of passion you fall in love with because you are being truly authentic, and you are you and then they get anxiety instantly around that. Well I'm such an anxious person and I'm, I'm you know, I've I'm so confused. I have all this stuff going on. And it very much relates back to what you've already spoken about. To truly identify yourself and get in touch with those emotions. You have to slow down first. And if you're focusing on a to do list that is 10 pages long. How can you ever work through the anxiety and something that's coming up a lot is anxiety, anxiety is everywhere. And it turns into a self identification of I have anxiety and I'm How has your experience been with people who have severe anxiety or suffering from severe anxiety when they're trying to really understand who they are as a person,
Faust Ruggiero 35:06
two ways I look at that I have people that come in and they're having the panic attacks and their body just is either out of control. And okay. So we have to some some of those folks have come in with some medicines already. And, and the goal, of course, is to get them off of that. But if it, I'll get them to a doctor, let's make sure physically, you're okay. The other anxiety things are because of the way you're dealing with things and you're letting things build. You know, when you're a person that learns how to take care of your life, the anxiety goes down, anxiety is often a function of not being inaction, something happens and rather than me say, you know what, let me do it, let me look at it, I'm gonna slow down, let me look at it, get a plan, I'm going to fix this. Without it go. And it builds, and it continues to build. And when we become people like that, then it's, you know, it's that chicken or egg thing, am I anxious, that's why I can't do anything, or am I not doing anything, and that's why I get anxious. So I always try to say, get into action, that doesn't mean you have to go get an action to solve the problem, just be active, go in your workshop and build something go work out, go, go do something that that takes your mind off of anxiety, and allows you to show you to show yourself that you can be productive that and the exam, and then those people who are just experiencing your routine garden variety, anxiety, really work right through it. And and they also show themselves examples that they can do that. But again, that whole balance, I talk about, very, very few people who are balanced, internally experienced anxiety. I mean, if you think about it on on your best day of the year, when you said, Gee, this was the day that was the best, you weren't intellectually in conflict, your head clarity of thought, emotionally, you weren't bouncing all over the place. Physically, your body felt good and spiritual, you felt connected in some fashion, that's balance. That's what we're going for. And those people who practice that rarely, if ever get bogged down with anxiety, it doesn't mean they don't have anxious moments, something will happen and, and they had a bad day. But they work through that. And next day, the next day, they're back to where they need to be. That's what balance should be all about. And again, you know, we got away from that in the more modern world in the, you know, everyone looks to the eastern philosophies, and, and why those herbs and everything went well, because they didn't go to medicines, and they didn't go to quick fixes, none of that existed there. So they learned how to be much more unified with the world with the earth, if you will, and everything went slow. And they there was very little anxiety, we have a very artificial society. Everything is mechanical and data processing and goes a million miles an hour, and the demands are there. And if you do something very small, that's wrong. The whole world seems to know it because someone posted it somewhere. You know, so we have all these anxiety provokers. And, and it's just about getting back to yourself slow down. You know, pull the plug a little bit, it's nothing I tell people to pull the plug on your social stuff. Turn the phone, when I was a kid, we didn't have cell phones. It was a phone somewhere, outs and it rains. You know, and we'll be happier probably. And we have all the things we have now. No, but how much of them do we need that that's the other thing. balance your needs and your wants, know what you absolutely have to have. And don't describe a wallet as in need, because you're putting a whole lot of useless energy on something like the newest iPhone that cost 20 $500. And I'm not sure what that phone does that my regular smartphone doesn't do. But I guess the cameras better I don't know.
Mahalia Jane 39:05
I think what you're saying so much of it relates to really training your internal muscle, so that when these things come up in life for us that throw us out of balance. If we work really hard to get to a place of finding internal strength. Then when something in life comes along to throw us out of balance, the more we've trained ourselves and the more we've built up that muscle. It's easier than to work through. I think so so much of my learnings when I look back quite a few years ago, when things would get in my way to my my growth and my journey of healing. I took a much longer time to overcome those obstacles. Whereas now when they come along, I just look at them as life's obstacles, guiding me in a different direction and it doesn't affect me so deeply. But that does truly come from the the resilience and the strength that I've built up internally. And it's one thing that I think everyone has the potential Actually, I know, I believe everyone has the potential to really build up that, that internal muscle.
Faust Ruggiero 40:22
And I think you're I don't think I could have said it better, that's what you're doing. If you're strong on the inside of that muscle is strong things. You know, too many people work with the notion that will maybe if I, if I do some things, all these things will stop, they will never stop. Life happens, it keeps on going, it will stop the day you stop breathing. So in the meantime, doesn't it make sense to be as strong as you can, so we when you know these things are going to happen? You're not saying, God, this is here? What do I do, you're, you're really not even reacting, you're saying, All right, that's there. Now. Let me look at this, you know, and your confidence goes up, you say, I know, I've done these things before, I can probably get through this, I'm strong enough, this is not going to tear me down, I'm able to do this. That's that positive language, stuff I talk about all the time, stop saying to yourself, I can't never do this, it's going to be horrible. The way we talk to ourselves usually sets the tone for what we're going to do, you know, language expresses what we feel, but it also controls it. And if we're willing to talk to ourselves, as a stronger person, as a loving person, as a person that wants to embrace your world, that's what we'll do. If we want to talk negatively, and I can't and those people out there, they're the ones that did it. That's the way life will go. So if you want a tool that really can get you started on this, talk to yourself differently. Talk to yourself as a, as a person that you love as a person that you feel is worthy. And that you really believe that you have the ability to acquire the skills to move forward and you will just don't give up.
Mahalia Jane 42:02
And it really does stop there as well changing the way that you speak to yourself some nurturing a relationship, because it does start with you. And it's almost impossible to look at creating change in your life and overcoming that discomfort if you haven't allowed the relationship with your own self to be a more positive one. And it does sound quite simple. When you put it into words, just be kinder to yourself, but when we're so conditioned, because we've placed all these beliefs on ourselves in life to be quite negative or through you know, self sabotage, throw ourselves to the curb, when we've done something that we don't agree with. It's very easy to jump back into old habits of waking up with
Faust Ruggiero 42:52
not it is self appreciation becomes the default way of doing things. You know, there's a and I've always told people when you wake up in the morning, though, that first two or three minutes has a huge impact on the way you're going to live your day. You know, you may wake up and have a ritual, whether it's prayer or stretching or whatever you do, but begin from the the moment that you wake up and say, No, greet the day, if you will. And so Okay, let's go, you know, you know, you put on that that that tough suiting go forward, and and tell yourself, it's going to be a great day. Because not because things are gonna happen that are good, or you're going to get that thing you wanted to be a great day because you're going to make it a great day. That's what's going to happen. You know, you can buy the new sparkling car and a month down the road, it's gonna have scratch on it. That's just the way it is. But you get up every day and say, I'm thankful to be alive. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go have fun, I'm going to do whatever I have to do, maybe on a scale of one to 10 I'm going to get to a 10 maybe I'm going to get to a one but I will tell you this, I'm plugging in and I'm going to be ready to go. That's a whole different mindset.
Mahalia Jane 44:05
Yes. And that can take people a little bit to get to. And the the My first tip around that is, do not start your day with your phone. If you need your phone as an alarm, put it in another room, but whatever you do, do not roll over and go on your phone because then your very first experience of the day is taking on information of other people's lives and being exposed to something
Faust Ruggiero 44:34
you know, I tell I tell people it's one of the most powerful things I can say. If you're doing something for a payoff. You're not going to be happy. Do it because you love to do it. So get up in the morning and say, This is my day. It's the gift I have in front of me. I'm going to make this a wonderful day. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to wrap my passion and I love in my creativity around it, I'm going to move forward and expect absolutely no payoff, you're not doing this for a payoff, you're doing it because you love to do it. That is your payoff. And you'll be surprised how much more comes along. But you've got to love the process of doing it. And if you do, you will get up every day and say, Let's go, bring it, bring it on whatever is there, I'm going to go and whatever happens, that's fine, but I'm going to love me in my day. That's what that's what
Mahalia Jane 45:33
do you still do that?
45:35
I do. Every day, every day? Yeah.
Mahalia Jane 45:38
Do you have a routine in the morning,
Faust Ruggiero 45:40
you know, I get up in the morning, and I'm one of those that I get the little things ready at night, you know, if I'm going to go into the office, I get the clothes and that kind of stuff ready, because I don't want to focus on running around, Okay, you know what, I took a little extra time in this, I get up, I have my my devotions. If you I sit down, I relax him and get myself where I want to be. And then and then I start tuning in and I start posting some inspirational things for people in the morning, I start my day with that with some inspirational quotes I, I have tomorrow's already created. And I'll post those in the various social media places. So I'm actually I want to help other people get their day started. So we do some of that in the morning. And then it's off to the to the office. And then I start seeing people come home a little bit in the afternoon, I have a couple hours off, and that's my, my workout time. If you my exercise time, I have a little Training Centre in my home and I go in and I do all that and then it's back to the office. And I might get back at eight o'clock in the evening, you know, it's a long day. And there's writing and there's publicising the book, and all those things all day long. So my day is typically at least 12 hours long. But I will tell you, why don't get tired. The type, the type of getting tired comes from the anxiety and the worry and the emotion and overloading yourself there. The long day is a passionate, loving event that just keeps on unfolding. And when it's not, I always said that if I could figure out a way not to sleep and keep my day going, I would love it. Because once you wrap into this, it's just so much fun. And the end of the day comes and you say well, I know how I'm gonna deal with my body and my rejuvenate myself. But in the meantime, I could really go for a little more.
Mahalia Jane 47:22
And if you figure out if you find out how to keep going in life by not having to sleep let me know.
47:32
Oh, I will,
Mahalia Jane 47:32
I would love to know how I can keep going. Sometimes, when I know that it's definitely time to sleep. Yeah, I get a little bit disappointed about all the things that I wanted to continue to achieve. And that's a really kind reminder to myself that I'm living a very incredible life. Because what more could you ask for not wanting to go to sleep because life is truly incredible, and hasn't always been like this, I tell people that I tell my clients who are in the very early stages of their transformation or their healing. I didn't always be like this, I would have loved to have stayed in bed at one point in my life. So it's important for people to know that I didn't just wake up and all of a sudden feel this way it took it took a journey. There was a lot of growth there.
Faust Ruggiero 48:24
Well, you know, I think about it, if I find taking advice from someone, and that person never really had a difficult time in their life. I'm not sure I'm going to listen to them. Because I really want to know that they went through it too. And they know that it works because not only are they giving me advice, they're giving me wisdom now they're giving me you know, the trial and error and they're able to connect with me, if I'm truly struggling, they've already gone through that struggle. They know what that struggle is. So they're going to help me a little better. So, you know, and I always say that the people that Yeah, you know, please don't look at me as the guy that had all the answers all his life. You know, yeah, I went to school, but life taught me the best lessons. And, you know, fortunately, I made some decisions to say, Well, yeah, okay, I'll engage I'll, I'll connect, I'll get in there. And I'll, and you get to a point where you love the work. I love working on me. There's no project, there's no one in the world. I love working on more than me. And if someone can say to me, I don't think that's a good idea. And I look at that and say, gee, they were right. That's a good day. You know, I just got to something I wasn't going to get to on my own. Now I can take it from there and integrate it with everything else that I'm doing. And and then when I'm done, I'm going to give it to the next person, which is what we should be doing, I think.
Mahalia Jane 49:47
Yeah, like our clients and our students can, can be our teachers, as you said that our biggest teachers are the ones that we continue to work with. And having having that mindset that it doesn't stop. There's no i I have all the answers. And here you go. Because your journey is still evolving, and I've even read books where later the author has added to it based on the feedback they've been given, or based on how people's transformation have come from that they've gone back and then rewritten sections that they've gone, thank you for teaching me that we can add on, we can keep going together, it's not just me telling you. It's a together journey.
50:29
You know, I do a chapter in the book on wisdom. Because everyone wants that, but it's just what you said, We don't ever get to a point that we know everything, the moment we get there, we've become arrogant, and we stop learning. So wisdom, is really a product of humility, I think, and the willingness to always remain a student of life, and then to continue to take information in and to be able to say, I don't know everything, will never get to the point that I will. And I'm willing to have even the weakest person in the world, say something to me, and I'll listen to that. And maybe I'll be able to take something from that I don't have to doesn't have to be a professor doesn't have to be a doctor, it may be just a fellow on the street who's struggling. But if I'm humble enough, I will learn and I will always learn. And that is what wisdom is wisdom. Wisdom, to me, is knowledge, knowledge, with a touch of humility. And that's what produces I think, the greater wisdom. So if you can, that you keep on learning, you keep on feeling better, and you keep on passing that along to the next person. So you're helping to create a much better world.
Mahalia Jane 51:40
So to finish off, I would love to ask you, what is the greatest piece of advice that you've ever received in your life.
Faust Ruggiero 51:49
For me, it really was just what I told you what we talked about wisdom, I had a professor in school, and I who said that talk to us, please stop, you know, don't ever lose the gift of student hood. Be willing to, to grow, be willing to take information from any source, work with it, see where it fits, and keep growing. If you keep growing, then you will keep learning if you keep learning your knowledge and your wisdom will increase and your ability to help other people will increase along with that. So for me, that's just very important. And the other thing is what I've been saying everything's inside us, that that that's a huge, a huge, huge lesson for me. You know, I mean, as I'm sure in your own journey, we all start trying to figure out where we fit in. We will never do that, we will create how we're going to fit, you know, so, you know, I can pass anything along to anyone I tell them stop riding, the wave the rest of the world creates. Create your own wave, you'd be the creator of your own wave, you ride your own wave in life, and you will arrive at places you never thought you were gonna go.
Mahalia Jane 53:03
Beautifully said. That concludes another episode of The uncovery. Thank you so much for being here and sharing this space with me before you go. I would love to remind you that if you are struggling with self love, anxiety, or gaining momentum, you do not need to walk alone. I am here to empower you to really help you throw your excuses away. And to get clear on purposeful living. If you are wanting to join my community of warriors. If you would love to work with me one on one. If you feel drawn to making this year, your year, please jump into the description of this episode to book a free no obligation call with me. So with that all being said, until we connect next week, I'm very excited to bring another episode to you. Take care of yourself. Look after yourself. Speak up if you're not coping, or you need some support. I'm Mahalia Jane, and this is the uncovery podcast.