Everyone Loves Someone Who Had an Abortion: Abortion Storytellers Part 4

We repeat: your reason is the right reason.

For this incredibly special part four of our storytellers podcast series, tune in to hear the abortion stories of Candace and Trenece -- abortion storytellers from We Testify. 

For more information, check out: https://www.cbc.ca/listen/cbc-podcasts/2058-two-blocks-from-the-white-house

Transcript

Jennie 0:03

Welcome to RePro Spike Back, a podcast on all things related to sexual and reproductive health rights and justice. Hi, RePros. How's everybody doing? I'm your host, Jenny Wetter, and my pronouns are she, her. So before we get started, let's do just like a little bit of quick housekeeping. If you love the podcast, it would be great if you could show your support by either rating and reviewing the podcast on your favorite podcast platform. It helps other people find our show, and we are always looking for more people to get involved in the fight. So that would be wonderful. If you really love the podcast and want to show your support beyond that, you can also donate through our website. We'll have links in the show notes where you can donate. And we also have giveaways associated with those donates. So if you give $25, you get these amazing stickers we had designed by Liberal Jane. If you get donate $50, you get the amazing Liberal Jane stickers plus bags that say abortion is a human right, not a dirty word. I love that bag. I have multiple of them. And if you also really love those sticker designs and want to get them on all the things, we have a merch store where you can buy, unfortunately, not stickers, but you can get the designs on a t-shirt or water bottle or coffee cup, bags, little pouches. They're so great. I have I have t-shirts, I have bags, I got a water bottle recently. I love all of them. So yeah, if you want to support the podcast, there are multiple ways you can do it, and we would love that. And to last, tell a friend. Like I said, we are trying to bring more people into this fight, so the more the merrier, and we would love to have more people tuning in every week to get engaged. Okay, with that, I am recording before the holiday weekend. So I hope everybody had a wonderful holiday. I am looking forward to a pretty chill weekend. I I don't know if I've talked about this on the podcast before. I feel like I have, but um, maybe not. I have been doing cross stitch uh recently. It is very relaxing and like something I can do while I'm watching TV. I discovered the joy of the like pre-stamped on the fabric kits, which is so delightful because then I'm not like going back and forth between the pattern and the thing I'm stitching, and it makes it so much easier to not have to have like complete focus. Like I can watch TV and do it, and it's it's so much easier. So I I started this project for my mom that I was gonna give her. Honestly, at first I thought for Christmas, but it ended up being the size I ordered was much bigger than I had originally thought, and the gauge on it was smaller, so it was a lot of work. I was hoping I could give it to her for Mother's Day when we were in Key West, but I didn't finish it. I had like just a tiny bit left, but more than I thought I could do if I took it with me to Florida. So anyway, my goal, my goal is to fish it finish it tonight. I'm so ready to be done with it and start a new project. So that is my goal for the weekend is to finish that project and to start a new project. I bought a bunch of like really random kits that are honestly some that I would never like hang, but they look like they'd be really fun to do because they're like bright and colorful. Some that maybe I will hang or have make into a pillow or something. Anyway, I am really excited to start a new project. I really I'm one of those people I love starting new projects, and I do love finishing them, but at some point it's like I need you to be done. I need this done. So I'm very excited that it will be done this weekend. Um, so that is my goal, and I'll probably do some reading, and I feel like I haven't baked in a while. I don't know what I'm gonna make this weekend, but I feel like I'm overdue to bake something. So yeah, those are my plans for the weekend. Pretty chill. Um, especially with rainy here, I think, most of the weekend, so probably won't do too much outside. But yeah, looking forward to having a nice chill weekend to uh lead into a short week, which is always delightful. I think with that I will stop there, and I am really excited for this week's episode. It's gonna be a little longer, but that's okay because it is a wonderful, wonderful episode. We have another round of abortion storytellers to coming on the podcast to share their stories, and I am so grateful to them for coming and sharing their stories. I it's a lot of emotional labor, and I'm just always so grateful for them taking their time to share their stories. I think storytelling is just one of those things that really can move hearts and minds to understand, you know, see the people behind the healthcare, right? I think so many people talk about abortion and and aren't focusing on the people whose lives are impacted. So I'm very excited to share some people who are sharing, gonna have share their stories with us. And so I'm very excited for y'all to hear this week's episode. And I also just want to say huge, huge, huge thank you to Kenya with We Testify. Thank you for all of the work you did to make this episode happen, for providing us with such amazing storytellers. I am so grateful to you and to them for sharing their stories and for making these episodes happen. And y'all make sure to check out We Testify. They do such amazing work getting storytellers out there and training them to tell their stories. I just We Testify is so wonderful. So make sure you check them out as well. Okay, with that, I am going to turn the episode over to the storytellers. Hi, Trunice. Thank you so much for being here. Hi, thank you for having me. So before we get started, do you want to take a second and introduce yourself? Um, sure.

Speaker 2 6:00

Hi, my name is Trunice. I usually her pronouns. I am an advocate for reproof of justice based in Tallahassee, Florida.

Jennie 6:08

Wonderful. I am so grateful to you for taking time out of your day today to share your abortion story with us. I think stories really uh have so much power to be transformative, so I'm just really grateful that you are here today to share yours. Why don't you go ahead and get started and we'll we can talk about it as you get going?

Speaker 2 6:29

Okay, so for I like to say I travel state by accident for my abortion because I was living in Louisiana in 2019, and me and my ex we were getting ready to travel up to Tallahassee for our winter break to visit FanBiu because we were thinking about attending um that particular school. So we're getting ready to head out to travel to Tallahassee for winter break, and I stopped in front of the bathroom because I realized I missed my period. And he asked me, my ex, he had asked me what's wrong, and I tell him, like, I missed my period. He asks, hey, so do you want to like take a privacy test right now? And something in my mind, I don't know it was my intuition, I don't know it was God, I don't know it's the universe, I don't know if it was it was a cosmic koala or whoever. They told me, do not don't take a privacy test in Louisiana. So I said, Well, we could just wait till we go to Florida, it's probably not that serious. I think we'll be fine. Maybe I'm running a little behind because um finals was kind of a lot. So we travel uh over to Tallahassee. Me being a little country gal, I was very impressed by Tallahassee. You know, everyone I know who comes to Tallahassee hates it. Um literally everyone.

Jennie 7:58

I get it. I'm from a rural area. I get it.

Speaker 2 8:00

I'm I was very easily impressed. I'm like, ooh, they have a Ross here. Like, I was impressed. I was I was so happy to be here. So we can tell them like, wow, I can't wait to go visit our Ross. Let's take this privacy test. This would be safe. So we take a pregnancy test. It came out positive. And I'm like, man, that's so crazy. I'm not pregnant. Let's take another one. So then we take another person test. I'm like, nah, it's probably like faulty because I remember when I was a kid, I would watch reruns of beat of the um Parkers, and that was a whole storyline with um Nikki, where she has a phantom predicts. So I'm like, maybe it's that. So we took like we took the um person test with the lines, we took it with the plus and minuses, we took it with the letters, we took it with the ABCs, we took it with the colors, we took every single person test possible. We spent so much money on precy tests until I'm like, okay, fine, like I guess I'm pregnant now. I already knew what I was gonna do, and it was it was hard, even though again, like I already knew what I was gonna do. Like, we've had a whole conversation before, and this was during like our first plan B run. I'm like, hey, I'm getting an abortion if I ever if we ever end up pregnant, like I'm getting an abortion, and I need you to be able to support that. And he said, Oh, of course, I'm gonna choice, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, okay, cool.

Jennie 9:24

So that's fine, even though you had that like uprunt conversation.

Speaker 2 9:28

Yeah, honestly, like I normally tell people that a lot, especially younger girls. I'm like, if you are having like sex with people, and because regardless of gender, I don't know the gender of your partner, but like if you're if you're having sex with someone, and especially if it's unprotected, y'all need to be having a having that very important conversation because you will hate to find yourself in a situation where you're pregnant and they're pressuring you to keep it, or they dragging you to a crisis prevailing center to like make you feel guilty and shameful, or something like that. So I think it's important, which is why which is why politics does matter when it comes out to dating. You need to be making sure you're with someone who will support you if you need to get an abortion, not just someone who pretends to be. So important, so important. Oh, yeah, back to the story, I guess. So let's see. So I was saying, like, so we had the conversation, but honestly, despite the fact I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna get an abortion, I cried a lot, like I cried so much, like no one ever talks about like the weird sense of guilt you feel for making that decision, and I felt like a lot of things at that moment, and it was I think it was a mix of grief, a mix of guilt, a mix of rage and frustration. Because a part of me is like, I do want to be a mom, I really do. I wanna be able to have my own kids. I have a whole list of baby things already prepared, but all I could think about is like one, seeing how hard it was for my mom to um be a parent at a young age. At this point in time, wherever I discovered I was pregnant, I was 20. I just turned 20. I was celebrating not being a teen mom and be able to like beat that um statistic because that's so common um where I'm from Louisiana for young black girls to just get pregnant before they're 18. So I'm just grateful to be able to beat that statistic, but also seeing like how my mama struggled with taking care of me and my siblings because there really aren't that many resources made available to moms. There aren't that many resources to support moms, and oftentimes like people just shame um young moms for just existing. They're rather they rather point figures and shame them than to help. So I didn't want to have to struggle with that. Then also I was just starting school. I'm like, I just got started with school. Like, I feel like I can't be a mom and go to school because I just started that academic year. I was starting off as a as a residential assistant, and while I was getting ready to move into the dorm um to help when movement for the fall, a pregnant girl was being escorted off the property. And we're like, oh, where's she? What's going on with her? And the director at the time said, Well, she's pregnant and we don't do so, we don't do family housing. So she got they told her she can't she can't stay there no more. And that's what they told us. So I'm like, that's gonna be me. They're just gonna tell me I can't, I can't be on camp, I can't stay on campus anymore. And sadly, on that campus, which was it was at Louisiana State University at Alexandria, so it's like their shuttle campus. That was like the only dorm. Like, if you're trying to, which is required for students, required for um students um up until you're a junior to stay to stay on campus, that's the only dorm there. So I'm like, I can't afford to like try and get an apartment. That means I might not be able to get to um finish my degree, and then also the whole I'm still processing a bit of my childhood trauma. I went through some not so fun things as a kid, so I'm still processing all these things, all those things. And I'm like, I don't think a child needs to be thrown into a mix of me trying to heal because I don't want to like pass on the trauma that I'm trying to get rid of onto them. And then also climate change, it was a whole bunch of things. Climate change, the state of the world, and I'm just like, this is so unfair that I'm not able to just have a kid, just have a kid, and the only option I that's not the only option, but the only option I felt was like safe, safest for everyone, including myself, which is very important because this is my life and it will impact me the most, is for me to get an abortion. Because I know like the world, even like now, 26, like about six years later, I'm like, I probably will not have a kid right now because I don't feel like this is a safe sp this is a safe time for me to for me to be pregnant. Also, in addition to like all those other factors, I was thinking about the three times more likely statistic. I was thinking about the fact that like black moms are three times more likely than a childbirth because I just watched a documentary talking about that um right before we took the on-parity test, actually. Um, we're watching, I think it was Box. They did like a whole like little documentary series, and one was some on like the history reprint of health in America, and they brought up that statistic. And I'm like, I'm not dying. Like that was it's a lot, it was a lot, it was a lot of emotions, but I yeah, so like I cried for days. Like I cried while trying to call clinics in Louisiana, and I'm pretty sure the clinic, the clinic outside we got in touch with, because I will say it was during the holiday season, but the clinic I was able to get in touch with, they were very rude and pushy. They're like, Oh, well, you need to make up your mind, huh? Make up your mind. And I'm like, Well, I don't because they were saying, like, you have to wait 24 hours, you have to wait 24 hours. Once you go in, you have to wait 24 hours, and then you have to come back. And I'm like, I I came, I have I have school, I don't know what to do. It's like, well, you need to make up your mind right now. I'm like, uh, uh, okay, can I just call you back? And she's like, sure. Or I think I made an appointment and just didn't show up. I'm convinced that that was probably a crisis for eSC Center, and I just didn't realize it. And I was looking up to where I'm like, one, y'all are way too far away for me. I'm not sure how I will be able to make it to that appointment. And two, I don't have the finances and ability to just stick around or to stick around Byron Rouge for like a few days and hope that I'm able to get the care I need. But yeah, so I was crying, crying dealing with that. And lucky for us, we remember that we saw a clinic um while we were driving around the town, and we were able to call in. I'm like, can y'all take me in? They said, sure, we'll take you in. They took me in that same, not the same day, but they took me in a few days later, and I was able to get the screening. I was able to get the abortion. I did surgical all within a day, and the people at that clinic were very kind and caring. My ex is an ex for a reason during the ultrasound. Actually, he tried, they asked, Do you want to look at it? I said, I didn't want to look at it, and for some reason, I could see him in the corner of my eye. He was trying to look at the ultrasound, and I just kind of felt hurt because I'm like, Why why is he doing that? And the person during ultrasound, they immediately turned the screen away from because they saw him, they turned a screen away from him, they're like, No, and it was very nice to be surrounded by people who cared about me to that stand where they prioritized my well-being and health and my feelings on the matter. I felt very taken care of, especially since like a lot of the people who worked at that clinic was like were black women, so I'm like, okay, I I feel safe because also I was nervous, someone's gonna throw tomatoes at me. I'm like, someone's gonna throw tomatoes at me, and it didn't happen, so yeah, I'm very grateful to that clinic um to this day. I actually work with some of the folks at that clinic, and I always try to thank them like thank y'all so much. You know, y'all weren't there during that time, but thank y'all so much. Yeah, I got very lucky and very blessed. It wasn't too dramatic or anything like that, it was just like after the fact was like very hard for me, I guess you could say. But yeah.

Jennie 17:16

I mean, there's a lot of feelings to think about and so many things to deal with. There's all the stigma that whether it is internal or external that that you hear just like in the world, like it there's so much to process. And you know, it's it's sad that that makes it harder, but there are just so many things, and having your feelings is just as important.

Speaker 2 17:45

It really is, especially with the Sigma. Oh, I like to say that I think God's a convenient because wherever I made back from winter break and made back to Louisiana, there was a pro-life march happening a few weeks later. And there was a pro-life march, and I'm like, oh I'm like, really? Oh my god. So, like, there was a pro-life march, it was held by the Catless student organization, which I felt very sad because I've gone to like a couple of their events at that point because my friend was heavily involved, and then I saw the friend there holding the sign, holding the signs and stuff, saying, like, we gotta protect the unborn. And I'm like, oh my god. I was lucky enough to where I was like at the little coffee shop at the library, and we and I was like with some other people, and they were kind of making fun of them. They're like, look at them like small little group. No one else came out came out to that. It was only 14 of them, like, no one's really there. They're making fun of them, like, they're so weird for I'm saying this stuff, and I say, Yeah, they're so weird. And at that point in time, like, none of them knew I had an abortion. So I'm I just felt lucky enough to be in a space where it's like, yeah, people might open their mouth and like say, like, this is so wrong, but they're usually the small loud minority, and that there's always people who cares and support this about what.

Jennie 19:13

Yes, it is a very loud minority who is often heard. But I'm really glad that you f were in like supportive space when there was that that march, like, even if they didn't know that you had just had an abortion, like having it reaffirmed in that way of like, no, this is this is like the the anti-uh view is wrong. Like, that's I felt feel like that would be I don't know, would help in some small way, especially in that sea of stigma.

Speaker 2 19:45

In retrospect, it does, but even then, like I because honestly, I didn't tell anyone about my abortion until like later. I think I probably only told like one friend, I'm like, I had an abortion and I was crying about it. I'm like, I feel like an awful person. I think God's bad at me for getting an abortion, and I think I thought that because of the Catholic, because oh pro-life march, because while I was in Louisiana, it was a lot of like pro-blay propaganda all around us. Like, there's even like billboard, there was a billboard in the middle of the field, in the middle of a field, um, in between um the school, the community college I was at, and the actual city of Alexandria, where it was like a billboard and it says like Jesus will be sad if you get an abortion. So it was just like constantly being surrounded by although, like, yes, there are people who are able to like say, like, yes, like I I think what they're doing is ridiculous. All that sadly was said, like, in was said in group chats, that was said like it but at a coffee shop, and I don't think anyone on that campus was really equipped to like step to like stand up and like do a counter protest against it. So that was all I saw or heard. Like, I think the first time I was around I felt safe enough to start telling my story was during I'll later during the Dobbs decision protests that took place across the country. I went to the one in Tallahassee, I was part of an organization called Um Generation Action. I was, I just joined the um Fam U chapter, which fun fact that's the first HBCU chapter that was ever established with that program. Yeah, I like to say that all the time. Like, I think they may take years next year, actually. But the organizer um for Tallahassee have reached outside the chat and she was like, Hey, we're looking for people to like speak at to speak at the ZAS protest. Who wants to speak? And I'm like, Well, I done spoke and word in theater. Maybe I could say something. So I gave a speech. So I went there to give a speech in the poor rain. It was very short and sweet and to the point, but it felt good to be surrounded by people who are like, I support abortion, abortion is healthcare, her body, her choice, and just being surrounded, surrounded in like love and care and learn more about abortion funds, which I wish I knew about abortion funds when I needed. I was so bad. I was like, that's a thing. So what could I pay? Because we have to use all of our trip money for my abortion. We use all of our trip money up. I'm like, dang. So being able to be surrounded by a community in a loud, bold way, like we're in front, we're in front of the Florida Supreme Court, like screaming abortion as healthcare and stuff. So after the rally wrapped up, I went to the organizer and said, hey, like, I had an abortion and I want to help. Eventually, like I went to like a training and I got training on abortion stigma, and which is which was done by one who eventually became my mentor. Um I always I try to tell her that every now and then I'm like, your treat, your abortion stigma training changed my life. And for the first time, I had language to fully articulate like all this weird feelings, like the whole God's body me thoughts that I have, and all these weird feelings of like guilt and shame. It wasn't because, like, because honestly, like the abortion itself, I didn't regret it, but I just knew I was supposed to feel shameful and hide it. But for the first time, like I was just affirmed, like, no, like this isn't something for you to be ashamed of. And then I became an abortion storyteller. I started telling to talk about my stories to tell my story to everyone. I remember I even told my mama, my mama was like, Oh, okay. And she has been very supportive. I won't lie. Like, Judy, I was so nervous to tell my mama, I'm like, I bet she's gonna she's not gonna like the fact I got one, and she's gonna be so mad at me. And she's like, Oh, me too. Anyways, I just kept going next, next, we just we got into like a whole like gapping session about like uh about abortion to kind of stuff afterwards, but I just appreciate the fact that like for her, like for my mama and for my siblings, like for the most part, they're like, Oh, anyways, they like like they didn't judge me for it and judge me for it for the most part. So I've been very blessed in that regard, but yeah, I started telling my story to everyone, anyone could listen, and I feel like that has helped out a lot, especially in terms of like black folks who talk about their abortion. Like, I've had someone tell me that I was the first person that they've ever heard be open and honest about their experiences, and that it's very rare for them to come across black women and girls who are open about that. So that has been a big one. I even have um helped people get their own abortions in the past, like with me having that type of platform and me being open about it, I'm able to be the help that I wanted whenever whenever I was like 20. And that has been such a huge blessing for me to be able to point to people to like resources and tell people about abortion funds, which I wish I would have known. Yeah, honestly, this journey has been a very beautiful one. The only sad thing I could think of is the fact that I really wish the experience I had was was norm. It's very tragic that like me being able to go in and within the same day is no longer the norm. It's no longer the norm for someone to get an abortion in Florida when they're at six weeks and five days like I was. It's really tragic that like people are like rushing against time and they're bumping to crisis pregnancy centers. Like, I think that's the most heartbreaking thing because I di this isn't that serious. Like, I don't like if I'm being honest, like outside of like this work, I don't think about think about the fact that I have an abortion like that. Like sometimes I forget, like, oh I have an abortion. Like, I just forget unless like unless I'm doing stuff. Like, I will literally forget about it because it really shouldn't be that big of a deal. Like, I just got a tattoo, like um, I just got myself a tattoo um in March, and I'm like, oh, oh yeah, I got a tattoo. That's exactly how I throw about my abortion. Like, oh, I got one.

Jennie 25:49

Right, like I had my wisdom teeth out. I don't think about it. It's a healthcare procedure.

Speaker 2 25:54

So it's very frustrating that like we're supposed to people people who have had abortions and that heavy on the ass, people have abortions, and people who have at least one or even more, that we're supposed to carry this big cross of like shame and guilt and sadness, and say, Oh, I had an abortion and I'm so sad about it. Because that's a reaction I get whenever I'm even in spaces full of people who are like, Yes, I suppose more abortion, their whole mood shifts the moment I say, Yeah, I had an abortion. And they're like, Like, they can't fathom the idea of being in the safe space with someone who actually had one before. Like, oh my god, like it's one in four women. Like, I it's one in four women, and they're shocked every single time. Like, especially with the college kids, they're very shocked. They're like, You had one? Oh my god. Like, I was given giving like a talk on not too long ago, and I said that, like, yeah, like I like for me when I got my abortion, and I know it's like the room just kind of made like the tone, the room shift. And this is this was like an event talking about like a talking about abortion accidents, by the way. So I'm like, oh.

Jennie 27:08

I think of it as like a lot of these kids had like terrible sex ed, right? Like, probably had some form of abstinence only. If they're lucky they had like semi-decent sex ed, and like there is still so much stigma around abortion. So, like when they're getting to college, that's probably the first time they're in like a community where it's talked about more. So I can see how to them, like, it could still be like surprising when you come from that background where you like it wasn't talked about, which I guess you're right.

Speaker 2 27:46

I never thought about it that way before.

Jennie 27:47

I mean, I still think like seriously, come on now.

Speaker 2 27:50

Come on now, y'all as an event talking about abortion access. Why are you surprised that somebody here has had that that's the kind of thing that kind of trips me off sometimes? It's just uh, but I do feel like I feel like people who have an abortion, and sorry for going on tensions, um, that's a bad habit that I have. I'm a tension person, but I feel like people who have had an abortion or abortions, we are told that we have to carry this cross, we are told that we're supposed to feel shameful of ourselves and hide it away. Even my ex got mad at me one time because I made a joke because afterwards we went and went to a fast food spot and grabbed food, and I said, Oh, that's the abortion food spot as a joke. See, he didn't think it was funny, though. He did not think I was funny, he didn't think it was funny, like he he um got serious. He's like, Don't ever make that joke again.

Jennie 28:48

Seriously, I see X.

Speaker 2 28:50

He's an X. But honestly, I've been honestly, I don't think people who've had an abortion or multiple abortions and I sat beside them every time because they have their reason, and the reason is they don't want to have kids. So I don't get the stigma around that. I just think that's weird to like keep a tally on people who have had multiple abortions. I don't think people should feel shameful about that. Like, you got the health care you needed if you didn't want to have a kid, or you were in a circumstance where you need access to health care, and honestly, that's a blessing that you're able to have that. Like, that right there is a blessing, and you shouldn't feel no feel no shame about that. And it's the silence.

Jennie 29:31

It's the silence breeds the stigma. So, like having storytellers out there telling stories of their abortion experience like tears down that wall of stigma of like this doesn't need to be something you are ashamed of, like, it is just you accessing healthcare and having autonomy over your body, and and it helps break down the stigma for somebody else who maybe is considering getting an abortion and see these these stories is like, oh, I don't need to feel that shame and carry that across.

Speaker 2 30:03

Like, there is this community out there of other people who have had abortions, and that's one thing I'm definitely proud of because for me, the way I kind of learned about abortion was through being a television. I remember even watching, like, um, I don't know if you ever see the show Dear White People. It's um a satirical, it's a satirical comedy.

Jennie 30:25

I saw maybe the first season.

Speaker 2 30:27

So there's a storyline with within Dare White People, weirdest character named Coco. She is a first-generation college student. She's a black girl who comes from a low-income family, and she's just trying to um trying her best to like move up the ladder. She is pretty much a little a a black girl boss. So she discovers that she's pregnant, and she's talking to like her um her ex-boyfriend, because I think at this point in time, her and Trey, her ex were broken up. So she goes and try to tell him, like, hey, I'm pregnant, but he is going through a quarter life crisis, he is not in a good space mentally, like he is bummed, he's like basically being a bum low-key. So she's like, Oh, well, I can't talk to him about this. So she talks to one of her friends, and she's like, I think I might have to get an abortion because I'm not raising a child by myself, and also I want the thing in school, like, I want to get my degree. So she and her friend, I forgot what the name of her friend was. She and her friend, they go get they go to the clinic, and she is saying the papers, and then we go through this weird sequence of what if she decides after I'm getting an abortion, where she turns away, turns away, and we flash forward where everything turned out alright. Her and her boyfriend, her and her ass co-parent a kid, the kids go into the same college they went to and stuff, and then it's revealed that this is like a vision, pretty much like a what if scenario playing Coco's head, and then we see her get an abortion, it's played out so dramatically, like, um, okay, it's like quiet and sorrowful, and I'm like, oh, and then like for the rest of the season, she's like hunted by the embodiment of her aborted baby, which is the college student that um we see in the vision, and I thought that was gonna happen to me. I thought I was gonna be hunted, that was gonna be me. I'm like, oh my god, why don't they be oh my god, I'm gonna be hunted by this forever. And I really do hate that that for me, that was like my one of like my few depictions of seeing a black woman get an abortion. Because at this point in time, I've already read like sex memoir, sex object by Jessica Blunty, where she's talking about her abortion experience. I've already read um Anna Kana's memoir where she's about her talking about her experience of getting an abortion. But in this case, this is like the only few times I've ever seen a black girl who was in a similar situation that I was getting an abortion, and I'm thinking in the back of my head while I'm getting mine, like, oh my god, I'm just gonna be cursed. Like, so I really do think I guess it's a long way to say, like, it's so important for us to be out here saying, like, no, you have nothing to be ashamed of, you have nothing to be afraid of, you're not gonna be hunting. There is no skeleton class about this. Like, that's nonsense.

Jennie 33:21

Yeah, like storytellers and yes, depictions on TV. Like, I think like when I was growing up, there was a lot of like maybe exploration of like thinking about abortion, and then there was like the convenient miscarriage or something like that, right? Where someone didn't choose to have an abortion but the pregnancy didn't continue. And so there wasn't that same like depiction that you saw on TV.

Speaker 2 33:47

Yeah, so like wherever you're even going into it too, which is another reason why storytelling is supported. Most people don't even know like how angular procedures work, yeah, or what is like to get it. Because I've gotten that question, like I was just at an event um this weekend, and someone they actually like, oh, so how you got into this work? I'm like, oh, well, I had an abortion. I told them my story, and they're like, Oh, so I have a couple of questions if you don't mind me asking, like, did it hurt? What was it like getting surgical abortion? Like, they they don't know because in the world. It's like a mysterious thing. Like, even the um, even within the story now just telling about and dear white people, I don't even think we even see her go into the operating room. I don't even know she what type is what type of abortion she got. I don't know if she got the pills, I don't know if she got surgical. I don't know. But to be fair, I saw this like years ago, but also Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, all I saw was like she goes into the room and that's it. So most people don't know. Like, even for me, whatever I got mine, they're like, do you want to do surgical or a pill? I'm like, what? Yeah, like I didn't know. Yeah. Like, oh my god, like we cannot be silenced about, especially now, we cannot be silenced about like about like us getting up about I'm getting tight tied. Especially right now, in these unprecedented times, I hate saying that, but in these unprecedented times, times where our access to healthcare across the board, and especially in terms of reproductive health care and both abortion access, maternal health, and everything else underneath the sun, we cannot keep hiding these experiences anymore. People need to know how to get access to care. People need to know how an abortion works and what does that look like. People need to know how all these things work, especially since we already know there's crisis privacy centers already working, taking advantage of the fact that we don't understand these things, taking advantage of the fact that we don't understand most people don't know what a crisis privacy center is, and manipulate you and waste your time, especially where you're in states like Florida, or wherever you're in a state like I can't even say Texas anymore. Oh god, it's so sad. Or in states like Florida and other states that has like insane restrictions where time is of the essence. We have to be open about these experiences and open about crisis privacy sitters because it's just scary out here.

Jennie 36:11

Well, Trinice, thank you so much for sharing your story. I had so much fun talking to you today.

Speaker 2 36:16

Thank you so much for having me. I also have fun with you today.

Jennie 36:25

Oh my god, hello. Thank you for having me. So before we dive into your story, do you want to take a second and introduce yourself to the audience?

Speaker 1 36:33

Yes, of course. So I'm Candace. Um I use she, her pronouns. I've born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana. Um, I've lived in New Orleans my whole life, and then so I recently moved to Atlanta about five years ago. I came originally for graduate school. I went to Georgia State and I got my master's in women's studies. And so once I graduated, I kind of just like stayed here. Um I fell in love with Atlanta. I love the culture, um, I love the organizing space and the reproductive justice values that are like really intrinsic to Atlanta. And so yeah, I consider myself like a sexy black feminist. Like that's my brand on Instagram. So, like, yeah, so a lot of that is reflective in my RJ work and my abortion story. So I'm excited to be here.

Jennie 37:14

I love all that. First, congratulations on getting your master's. That is such hard work, so like amazing.

Speaker 2 37:20

Thank you.

Jennie 37:21

Um, and I did the same thing. So I'm originally from Wisconsin. I moved to Washington, DC for grad school and ended up staying because I loved uh all the work I was doing here, and it was the space that led me to uh focus more on uh national things, which was a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 37:37

Nice. Oh my god, look at that. That's literally like the same thing, is like before I knew it, I turned around and I had like this amazing organized organizing community and all these like values aligned people, and it was like, oh, I'm not going back to New Orleans, like this is this is my home now, so I love that.

Jennie 37:52

Yes, and I've learned so much. Like the cool thing about DC is like there's people from all over the world, but all over the country, and like I I just have learned so much for and I love just getting to take in all the different lived experiences that people bring that have helped me become a better advocate and like shape my work and how I talk about things, which has been I I just think so important to growth. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 38:16

I I mean Norris is home, but Atlanta, I'm proud to call Atlanta my second home, you know, it's like that part of growth that is like you can't really stay in the same place and grow the same as if you were to leave. Yeah, I totally feel that.

Jennie 38:30

Yes, okay, awesome. I am so glad that you're here today to share your abortion story. How would you like to share it? Start where you would like to start.

Speaker 1 38:41

Um, I think that what really always grounds me in my abortion story when I start to tell it is that I was in college, I was a senior in college in undergrad in New Orleans, and so I went to Xavier University of Louisiana, which is the only Catholic HBCU in the entire country. So HBCU just means like it's a historically black college, like it's been around for a really long time and it's always predominantly served black communities and been a pillar in black communities, and so it's a private Catholic, historically black university. I didn't know that. Yeah, a lot of people don't know it. It's the only one like that, and so I think that adds like a lot of complexity to my story because I was a senior at that school and I found out I was pregnant at my school's clinic, and so just being there, I feel like really kind of like started having my experience, finding out that I'm pregnant at that school grounds my story a lot because I remember being in the clinic, finding out I was pregnant, and me being like immediately like so shocked, like, oh my god, what am I gonna do? Like, I don't wanna be pregnant, I don't want to be a parent. Like, I'm a senior in college, like literally about to graduate. And so I remember like asking the the nurse in the office, I was like, So what do I do? Like, I have to have something, isn't there a pill I could take? And she was like, Oh, well, you're too, you're too far along, like you can't take a plan B. She was like, You can't take a plan B. There's like nothing you can really do. And I was like, Wait, I at first I was like, I didn't know that much about reproductive justice at that time. Like, having an abortion is really the catalyst that got me involved in becoming an abortion duer, an abortion organizer, and stuff like that. And so at that time, I was I didn't have the information or the tools to really understand what I was being told. And she was basically telling me that like there was no pill that I can take. But I knew that wasn't true, but I just didn't know exactly. Or like that they were keeping information from you. Bro, looking back on it, I'm not sure if that nurse was just genuinely misinformed, or were they telling me that because it was a Catholic university? Like, I'm still to this day, like not sure about that. But so, of course, like I just like left the clinic. I was like kind of like really confused. Like, I remember just sitting in my car thinking about like, okay, what am I gonna do? I had work later, like this was like a break in between my classes, and I just found out I was pregnant. So it's like everything had to like my priorities immediately changed in that instance. And so I remember like just looking up um online on my phone, like where to get an abortion at in New Orleans. And so, luckily, there was like this women's health clinic not that far from my house. And so I was really thinking about it, like I was very privileged in that situation to be able to like sit in my car, look on my phone, where can I go, call them, end up making an appointment to get a consultation and everything, like all within an hour of leaving the clinic. And so just thinking about how like even before I knew the extent of the decision I was making, I was still able to like advocate for myself and know that this wasn't something that I was just gonna like settle for and like fall for. Thinking about like, oh, I do have options, I just have to do my own research, like how to take medicine to my own hand. And so like I'm really proud of that because I feel like I often think that having an abortion is a way of like empowering yourself to make decisions. And I know that sounds like corny or whatever, but it's like you know, it's like you learn to advocate for yourself in all situations, like not just medical ones, like thinking about like that. We I think oftentimes we have like this unquestioned authority when it comes to like people telling us what to do or giving us information, especially in a doctor's office. Like, oh, I have to just follow everything you say. And so I think that was like a really big catalyst to just get me more involved in the reproductive justice work in general. And so I know I'm like jumping all around in my story, but ultimately, like, I ended up going to the clinic, I ended up getting a prescription for Mr. Pristol. I ended up being able to go home and take the medication. I had my pregnancy pass, like, you know, I was really thankful. Um, I ended up telling my mom, and mom was really supportive. Just thinking about like I had a lot of like privileges in that story that I feel like a lot of people don't have access to. But I think that's also one of the reasons why I was so enthralled and getting involved in the work after. Um, I remember sharing my abortion story in my close friends on Instagram before I even knew like the extent of like the outside perspective. Because for me, this was something that I just wanted to do, like it wasn't a lot of like turmoil and conflict for me to make that decision. And so when I decided to share it on my close friends, um, I got a lot of backlash, and I was so shocked by that. I was like, wait, what's going on? Like, I made a joke about this picture I had posted, and I was like, Oh my god, y'all wouldn't even know I was pregnant in this photo, like lol, oh my god. And so my friends was like, Oh my god, why are you making a joke about it? Like, what's so funny about that? Like, it's something very serious, like, and you're making a joke about it. And that that was like the first time I had felt like a negative emotion attached to my abortion when I shared it with other people. My so-called friends, I had thought at the time, and so that's when I immediately thought, is like, wait, am I supposed to be feeling a certain type of way? How am I supposed to be feeling? Honestly, like I generally had those questions like, how am I supposed to be feeling? Because I felt fine, I felt happy, like I felt empowered, I was so thankful that I was able to like navigate the situation and be so happy with the outcome that I wanted. And so that really is honestly what got me involved into doing abortion storytelling work because I knew I wanted to be a part of a larger conversation. I knew I wanted to let people know that there's no one type of way you have to feel about having an abortion. So I know I said a lot, but like that's ultimately like the catalyst of my story, is just feeling like how was I supposed to be replaced. Reacting when I felt so genuinely like happy for myself.

Jennie 44:03

I feel like that's such a common thread I hear from abortion storytellers is confidence and comfort in their decision, and then this outside stigma and shame that gets put on them and then causes them to maybe reevaluate or not. Um, and that and the work that storytellers are doing is such important work to break down that shame and stigma that exists and gets put on people.

Speaker 1 44:30

Absolutely, absolutely, and so I think that's a part of like the narrative work that is so powerful in storytelling because you ultimately see that there's way more like similarities between us than there are differences, like you know, the idea of me being in college and not just not wanting to be a parent and making that decision, like I feel like a lot of people can't relate to that. Ultimately, we could be in completely different phases of our life and different points of our life, but I feel like we can all relate to that feeling, and so I just feel like I noticed I had to be a part of a larger conversation. I wanted to let people know there's not just one type of abortion abortion experience, that there's not just one type of acceptable abortion experience. So that's really what got me involved in telling my story. Thinking about like when I am sharing my story, like I'm shout out We Testify because We Testify tells me told me this in an abortion storytelling workshop. Ultimately, like when you're telling your story, your audience is you, the people who love you, and those who may have an abortion in the future. That's it, that's your audience. And so it's like if you don't fit that audience, I'm not talking to you, like I'm not speaking to you when I'm telling my story, I'm telling my story for to those people only. And so it's just like it's just very freeing and liberating. And I love my abortion, like being pregnant is honestly my favorite thing about not being pregnant is honestly my favorite thing about myself. I told people that all the time. And so just really I'm really thankful for my experience.

Jennie 45:48

You know, you mentioned a couple times about feeling really lucky for for how it went, and I just could just hear so many points of where things could have gone differently or wrong, right? Like leaving that appointment and assuming that that person was right, that there wasn't anything you could do at that moment. You saying you searched to find a place, like all I could think of was, I'm so grateful she didn't run into like a crisis pregnancy center and have to deal with that barrier as well. Like, and that you didn't have to travel, like all of these places where things could have put extra obstacles in front of you. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 46:26

I feel like that's such a good point. I feel like that's such a good point because I feel like oftentimes like people who have like, like for me, I had less barriers to access abortion than somebody else may have, but I think it's ultimately like so those stories are never oftentimes told in the media, the ones where it seems like everything went okay, but it's like that should be everybody's experience. Right. Hold on, hold on, like that should be the norm, like it should be easy, it should be like Googlable, like literally, like it should be that easy for everyone. And so I think that's also a part of the narrative power of storytelling. Is like, oh, like you had an experience that wasn't traumatizing, that wasn't devastating, you know. Like, so I feel like that is a narrative that is just as powerful and a part of the normalization of it. Okay, so I feel like that's just so it's just so important to me. So I feel like you said that so well, is like that should be everyone's experience to be able to have access to abortion with less barriers. Right? You shouldn't be lucky, like that should just be what it is. Yes, exactly, exactly. And I feel like that's really part, a really part of powerful point of me telling my story, also. And it's like I think that you said something really interesting about like I never I didn't run into like a crisis pregnancy center. And it's like I was in Louisiana, yeah. I could have easily I was kind of waiting for it as you were telling your story, and you're like, this women's like health, whatever, and I was like, oh shit. Right, literally, literally. And it's like I and it's like I've done so much reproductive justice organizing work now, but undergrad candies would have never even known that that existed. They could have easily like swindled me in, showed me an ultrasound of the baby, had me crying, like anything, like it could have gone so bad. I'm so thankful. I'm so so thankful. And now I'm able to like share information to people so they can avoid crisis pregnancy centers to be able to look out for them. You know, I'm able to like, I'm always advertising that I have pregnancy tests and resources at my house in Atlanta, like, come pick them up at Georgia State, come pick them up in Midtown because as ultimately, crisis pregnancy centers are able to like swindle people because people need resources, people need help getting stuff. So it's like, oh, I can get a free pregnancy test over there, I can get a free ultrasound. It's like, no, don't go over there, come over here. So I'm thankful that I could be a part of that work now, since having to experience no one not having to experience that, but be able to be informed about it now.

Jennie 48:43

Yeah, I I'm so happy that you had an easy you didn't run into all those obstacles, you were able to get the care you needed and wanted. Like that is really how it should be. And hearing like in Louisiana that was the case, right? Like that is amazing.

Speaker 1 49:00

Yes, I'm really thankful. And so now I live in Georgia, and so Georgia and Louisiana and Texas are like running a race to see who can share people away of their rights the fastest. And so thinking about like just my own experience and how do I like practice like safety and risk management and different different things like that now. Um, I'm just really thankful that like I was able to like have that experience and just use that as like a guide and an information source, not just for me, but for people in my community.

Jennie 49:28

And being a resource is so important. I feel like that's one of those things I talk about on the podcast. Like, you don't need to know all the things, but if you know where to send people to make sure they can get accurate information, that is so important.

Speaker 1 49:40

Yes, and uplifting accurate information too. Like, yeah, I was saying that my brand is like a sexy black feminist because like I will be on Instagram, like uplifting abortion funds and sharing out abortion positive information and cartoons and like oh this Barbie needs an abortion, or like come donate to this reproductive fund. Like, so I'm always like uplifting positive things like that on Instagram, but at the same time, I might be outside with my titties out. So, you know, it's just like it's a duality, it's a it's a mixed blend. And so I love being able to be a resource for people to like, oh, I know Candace posted about this, I can ask her about this. Because I oftentimes find people in my DMs, like, oh, can I get an abortion in Louisiana or where should I go? Like, I found that I'm pregnant, like, what do I do? And so I'm just really happy that like now it's a part of that like abortion companionship and abortion dueling to think about that, like, I'm a resource people can come to in my community to ask these questions and to like navigate these things, but at the same time, being in the south is like risk management, protecting myself, protecting the people who are reaching out to me because it's real, it's real right now. Yeah, yeah.

Jennie 50:47

Well, I am so thankful that you came on today to share your story. Do you have any final things you would like to say?

Speaker 1 50:53

I feel like I always have to say things like really like positive and moving, and just thinking about like your body is yours, and you don't have to apologize for your body. That's what I'm gonna say. Love it.

Jennie 51:03

I think that is a perfect ending. Okay, y'all. I hope you enjoyed hearing the stories. I like I said, I am always so grateful when we have storytellers come on to tell their story. I really I fully believe in the power of storytelling to change hearts and minds. So I am just so grateful for them to for all of that they do and for coming on the podcast to share their stories. So I hope you enjoyed them and learned a lot. And with that, I will see everybody next week. If you have any questions, comments, or topics you would like us to cover, always feel free to shoot me an email. You can reach me at Jenny, J E N N I E at ReprospyFack.com, or you can find us on social media. We're at ReProSpy Back on Facebook and Twitter, or Repros F E on Instagram. If you love our podcast and want to make sure more people find it, take the time to rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. Or if you want to make sure to support the podcast, you can also donate on our website at reprosfightback.com.