With this month being Sanctity of Life Month, we're talking about all things adoption. Trisha was adopted, has adopted, and now works in the adoption community. So on this episode she's answering Bethany's list of questions about adoption. If you've ever considered adopting, this episode is for you.
With this month being Sanctity of Life Month, we're talking about all things adoption. Trisha was adopted, has adopted, and now works in the adoption community. So on this episode she's answering Bethany's list of questions about adoption. If you've ever considered adopting, this episode is for you.
Trisha Priebe 0:08
Hey, Friend. Welcome to episode #16 of the Laundry List Podcast. My name is Trisha Priebe. And, of course, I'm here with a one and only Bethany Hager. And by now, you know the drill. This is the podcast for list junkies, where each week we bring you a brand new list. We talk about important things. We talk about trivial things. Basically, we talk about all the things, and we do it by presenting you with a new list. This week, however, is a little bit different. We're not bringing you a traditional list. We'll get back to that in a couple weeks. But today, we do have an important conversation for you, so we're very thankful you're here. Alright, let's go ahead and jump in.
Okay, so I know that this is not unique to me at all, but I crave hot tea whenever I'm feeling big things. Whether it's happiness, sadness—it doesn't have to be negative.—it's not just comfort in the negative sense. But whenever I have big feelings, I crave hot tea. And every single time I have thought about the conversation we're getting ready to have right now, I crave hot tea. So I don't know what that means. But I'm sitting here with my mug of hot tea, and I'm ready to talk about this.
Bethany Hager 1:22
Yeah. So I love that this month is our first go-around on the podcast airing episodes during January, which is Sanctity of Human Life Month.
Trisha Priebe 1:34
Yep.
Bethany Hager 1:36
It's a special time of year for both of us in the work that we do, so I'm glad we get to spend some time talking about it in this episode and the next episode, I want people to hear your story, Trisha. Your story is fascinating. And I've got questions lined up for you about it.
Trisha Priebe 1:51
So that may be why I needed the hot tea. [Laughter]
Bethany Hager 1:55
While you're talking and telling some of your story, I may have to change some of my questions. But we'll see.
Trisha Priebe 2:00
Here's what I know, Bethany. When you and I first started talking seriously about starting a podcast—when it kind of moved from the theoretical to the literal—one of the things that was very important to both of us from the very beginning, was that our podcast would be used to start conversations of impact.
Bethany Hager 2:20
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 2:21
Obviously, you and I can have a good time. We can laugh. We can make a silly list. But there are some things that matter deeply to both of us. And just like you said, this issue of sanctity of life is one of those things. And so I am very thankful for this opportunity to talk about it. And specifically, from my perspective to talk about adoption. So yes, let's get into your list. Let's hear your questions today. And I want to say to the listener really fast, that this is still a very spontaneous conversation. I have no idea what Bethany is going to ask, and that is actually a little nerve-wracking, considering she's a lawyer. I'm pretty confident she's going to have some hard questions. So I am nervous. But I am thankful as well.
Bethany Hager 3:03
Yeah. So yeah, let's do it. I hope that it can be hopeful. I think it will be. Even as I look ahead to the future of the movement that each of us is involved in, I have hope for the future of life work. Yes, I know, January can be a dark month for people. It can be very heavy—very difficult to come off of the holiday season. And, too, there's something about maybe thinking that all of our problems will be solved at Christmas, and then January rolls around. And we realize, you know, life still goes on with some of the same heaviness as before. I think this January is especially heavy for people.
Trisha Priebe 3:44
Yeah.
Bethany Hager 3:45
In my family, January is a month that has several losses marked in it. So I think that honoring Sanctity of Human Life in this month has both a weight to it—a gravity and soberness—but a light of hope, too.
Trisha Priebe 4:03
Yes.
Bethany Hager 4:04
And I'm hoping that we can give both sides of it in these conversations that are coming.
Trisha Priebe 4:08
Yes, very well said. Bethany. Thank you. And, Listener, just for your information, today we will talk about adoption, and Bethany will ask me some questions. And in our next episode, I will ask Bethany some questions. The tables will be turned.
Bethany Hager 4:24
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 4:24
She directs a women's care clinic for women who are pregnant, women who are young moms, etc. And so I will ask her questions about her life work in that regard. Okay, Boss. What do you want to kick us off with today?
Bethany Hager 4:39
Well, to start us off, I guess this is technically my first question. But before we get into my list, I think I would like for people just to hear from you. How did you get started into the adoption work that you're involved in? What was it that pulled your heart that direction? There's a personal component. So as much of your personal story that you care to share with people, I want them to hear.
Trisha Priebe 5:06
Okay, I can do that. And I appreciate you starting with a question that I know I can answer. So thank you, Bethany. [Laughter]
Bethany Hager 5:12
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 5:13
I will start by telling you where I'm at, at this point in my life today, and then I will briefly explain what the Lord did in my life and in my heart to bring me here.
Bethany Hager 5:23
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 5:24
So I have the incredible privilege of working for an organization that is near and dear to my heart. I work for a nonprofit called Lifesong for Orphans. Maybe you've heard of it? If not, you need to look it up. Basically, our organization exists to reach children and families through three basic avenues. One is global orphan care. One is through Christian adoptive families. And one is through foster care initiatives. We're actually an organization that hugely and firmly supports family preservation whenever possible. We often say the best form of orphan care is actually orphan prevention—we are fully supportive of that. But when family preservation is either not the goal, or when it is not possible, we still believe that every child deserves the love of a family and deserves to be in and part of a family.
Bethany Hager 6:17
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 6:18
And so we also believe that the answer to the orphan crisis is the Church—the big C Church—that God has filled his Church with individuals, where each member can provide a unique and special service. So some can adopt, some can give, some can go. There's so many ways that we can use our specific giftings from God to meet the needs of families and children in crisis around the world.
Bethany Hager 6:45
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 6:45
So how I arrived at the place where working in orphan care, adoption, and foster care really became the deep desire of my heart was really early in my life. My story begins in 1980—literally begins in 1980—when my birth mother was given an ultimatum by her boyfriend at the time. As I understand the story, she was told that she needed to choose between relationship with him or the child that she was carrying. And of course, that child was was me—spoiler alert. But she decided to pursue a relationship with him, which meant she obviously needed to do something with this baby. And so she went to an abortion clinic. And by the grace of God was told that she was too far along. I don't know what the laws were in 1980, or how far along she was when she was told that she was too far along, but I do know that there is a very high likelihood that if this had been 2020 or 2021, instead of 1980, that I probably wouldn't have had this extraordinary privilege called life.
Bethany Hager 7:51
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 7:51
So, I know right now, in the United States, you can get an abortion at any point during your pregnancy.
Bethany Hager 7:57
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 7:58
I think 43 states prohibit some abortions after a certain point in the pregnancy, but there are states that will still allow you to get an abortion at any point. So my birth mother went to a Catholic Church and asked for help when she couldn't get the abortion, and a Catholic Church in her community was very gracious and helped her through the end of her pregnancy.
Bethany Hager 8:22
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 8:22
I'm very thankful to those individuals. I am not Catholic, but I am still very grateful to those people for loving her, and for showing her love at that time. So she decided that I belonged in a Catholic family because of the Catholic Church being so kind to her. And so she went to the Yellow Pages—because we all know there was no Google at that point—and she started looking for an organization that she thought sounded sufficiently religious, because if it's religious sounding, or maybe the more religious it sounds, the more likely that it was Catholic.
Bethany Hager 8:55
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 8:55
And she found an organization that she thought sounded religious enough. And the name of that organization was the Protestant Youth Organization, which of course, we all know Protestant is not Catholic from World History. But she chose that organization. It is now—by the way—called Christian Family Services. It is still in existence. Little shout-out to Audrey Brown, who is now retired but worked there for a long time. Very, very thankful for that organization. But anyway, so when I was born, she surrendered me to the Protestant Youth Organization. I did live with a foster family. My foster dad's name was Tony Evans. I thought that was so cool. When I was growing up. I would hear about Tony Evans on the radio or the TV and I'd get really excited that my foster dad was Tony Evans, and my family who adopted me would remind me—maybe not so subtly—that it was not the same Tony Evans.
Bethany Hager 9:54
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 9:54
But anyway, I did grow up in a good family. And it is not lost on me that I had a good foster family and a good adoptive family—they're my family, but for the purposes of this conversation, I'll call them my adoptive family. I know that many children do not have that privilege. And I suppose that very reason right there really prompts me to get involved in adoption.
Bethany Hager 10:19
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 10:20
And I know the privilege that I have had—the privileges that I have been given. And I want that for every single kid who needs a family, every single kid who is going through tough situations. I want them to have the same gifts and privileges that I have been given.
Bethany Hager 10:39
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 10:39
And so I grew up knowing that I wanted to do some sort of adoption work, or some sort of orphan care or foster care work. And then when this opportunity became available to me several years ago, I jumped on it. And I have never looked back. I'm so thankful to be adopted. And I'm thankful for Lifesong for Orphans. So there is the answer to that question.
Bethany Hager 11:02
That's amazing. Okay, I know, there's more details that could be filled in there. So as I go through my list of questions for you, some of them go back to your personal story. Some of them are just about adoption and foster care in general. But again, we don't script this, it is a conversation. So hopefully, if there's more pieces of your story that come into those questions and answers, then that'll be encouraging to people. And if there's something that we don't touch on, and it leaves a question for you, Listener, then you can message us with that. And we'll try to answer them later as we can. Because it's real life. It's fascinating stuff.
Trisha Priebe 11:43
And that's a really good point, Bethany, I'm glad you brought that up. Listener, we get a lot of notes through our Facebook page, and we get some private email. You can find our email address on our website. If you ever want to talk to either of us about anything we've said on an episode, we are more than willing to get those notes. We get them directly—nobody else reads them. We're the ones who check those messages. So if you have any questions or concerns or follow-ups or thoughts, we welcome those. So please do send us a note any time. Probably the easiest way to reach us is to go to our Facebook page and send us a private message that way. But yep, that's a really good point, Bethany.
Bethany Hager 12:25
I want to come back to something, Trisha, that you've said about how God acts as a Father to the fatherless. And we've talked about this, that the essence of what He calls us to as Christians, he literally spells it out—True religion is this. You keep yourself unspotted from the world, and you go and you visit the orphans and the widows. I mean, we can boil it down to—love God and love people. And then He literally gives us that list.
Trisha Priebe 12:49
Yes.
Bethany Hager 12:49
So maybe that leads into my first question that I had. So you have experienced the adoption world from many different angles. I mean, being adopted, you have adopted, you have also cared for foster children, domestic adoption, international adoption— you've seen all the angles. So in those different angles of your life, what are some ways that you have seen God shine into those spaces and ministered to you? What are some of His character traits that He's revealed to you through those different angles of the ways that you have been a part of adoption?
Trisha Priebe 13:30
I love that question. You know, Bethany, I love the fact that in every season, and in every situation in which we find ourselves in life, we have new opportunities to learn new things about God.
Bethany Hager 13:43
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 13:43
So I love this question. I would say, certainly, I've learned many things about God, both because of my adoption, and also because of the work that I'm called to do now. But one of the most profound things I have observed or learned about God during these last few years, especially, is how faithfully God serves as father to the fatherless.
Bethany Hager 14:06
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 14:06
You know, you read these verses all throughout Scripture—you mentioned James 1:27, which is a go-to verse in orphan care. And I love James 1:27. And I need to circle back to a story about James 127. But all throughout the Bible, God talks about orphans and widows—I think both are important in this conversation. But beginning in Exodus and going all the way through James—and depending on what version and how different words are translated—I have seen as many as 50 verses that specifically mention the orphan. One of my favorite verses, by the way, in this conversation, is in Psalm 68, I believe it's verse 5, which says, "Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation."
Bethany Hager 14:27
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 14:22
God is Father to the fatherless, we know that. If you believe the Bible, if you know God, that probably doesn't come as a surprise. But what has been profound to me are the ways I have watched Him provide for these kids. I don't consider myself a charismatic person by nature, but I can get charismatic when I start telling you the stories of the ways that money has come in to meet needs. And we don't even know where the money came from. Or prayer requests that have been answered in absolutely profound ways. I have said before, you know, you hear the story of missionaries who cared for orphans, and they would pray these extraordinary prayers, and then food trucks would show up or needs would be met. And I used to think, "Wow, those missionaries must be profound pray-ers." And in reality, from this vantage point in my life, I think it was less about the missionary and more about God fulfilling his promise to be Father to these kids.
Bethany Hager 16:02
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 16:02
I have seen God work in so many ways. And in so many specific situations—surgeries have happened or bills have been paid, or parents have stepped forward to fill in the gap of a need for a child—and time and again, I just I feel like I'm sitting on the front row watching God do extraordinary things. And that has been so exciting to watch. I think I may have shared the story, even here on this podcast, so I will make it brief. And I'm sorry if you've heard it before, Listener, but when my husband and I were praying about whether or not it was the right time to adopt our oldest son, we were at a point in our lives where we probably financially shouldn't have been talking about adopting. My husband was in seminary, we were students, right? And I remember we were praying, and during the prayer, our mail arrived, and enough money showed up in the mail that day to cover our application fee to adopt.
Bethany Hager 16:56
Wow.
Trisha Priebe 16:57
And I could truly sit here and share story after story after story where I've seen God provide. And I know He cares for all of us as His children—all of us who know Him.
Bethany Hager 17:08
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 17:09
And yet at the same time, I feel like it's not about us; it's about these kids. The only other thing I would quickly add, because I really could fill this entire episode with things I've learned about God because of orphan care and adoption. I would add that I'm continuing to learn more about God's heart for justice. I think the fact that there are children who have been orphaned in this world is a huge injustice. And I love the fact that throughout the Bible, from start to finish, you see God's heart for justice, illustrated in both the fact that he commits himself to care for the fatherless, and also he calls us to commit ourselves to do things to help provide care for orphans.
Bethany Hager 17:52
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 17:53
Caring for vulnerable children should not be considered parachurch ministry. I know there are parachurch organizations—or faith-based organizations that carry out their mission independent of the church—but the idea of orphan care should not be delegated outside of the church. Pastor and author David Platt loves to say, "The Church absolutely must be leading the way in orphan care. It's not a negotiable. It flows from the reality of the Gospel." And there's a lot I could say about that. But the bottom line is I have learned so much about God, just from seeing how He provides, how He keeps His promises, and also how He calls us to care for these kids, and to care about families and children in need.
Bethany Hager 18:43
I love that. Okay, so I know meeting you in college, honestly, I think was one of the first times in my life that I'd interacted closely with somebody who had been adopted. It made me think differently about adoption, the process, the effect that it has on all the people involved in the process.
Trisha Priebe 19:09
Sure.
Bethany Hager 19:09
And so even now that I am in an a segment of life work myself, when I hear about adoption or foster care, there's this tug on my heart of, "Okay, I want to help there. I want to. Yes, that's important. I need to do something." And yet, it feels so big.
Trisha Priebe 19:31
Yep.
Bethany Hager 19:31
It feels like a huge issue. It feels like you're going to get sucked into foster care. And then people think, you know, about these horror stories that can happen. So what are some things that people can and should consider when they're feeling that tug of their heart to do something in this area, but they don't know where to begin? Maybe they're even scared to think about beginning. What are just some some thoughts that you would put out there?
Trisha Priebe 20:00
I would just say that I think it's a good thing to feel the tug in your heart, I get concerned about people who don't feel the tug in their heart. Now, that doesn't mean everyone is called—as you said—not everyone is called to foster. Not everyone is called to adopt. I remember at one point, probably in my late 20s, early 30s, I was just on fire and thought everyone should adopt Why are people having children when they could adopt? And that's not right, either. God does not call us all to the same thing. But I do think it is important to acknowledge that God does call us to care, right? And I said in the answer to the last question that I needed to circle back to a story about James 1:27. And I didn't do that yet. I think this is the place.
Bethany Hager 20:48
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 20:48
I remember when I was in college, I was doing my Bible reading. We had to read through the New Testament for one of my classes. And I remember tripping over James 1:27. And I'm sure I had read it before. I'm sure I had heard it at some point. But it really grabbed me by the shoulders for the first time. And of course, we all know it says "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this, to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." And I remember I was in the snack shop in college, and I saw a Bible professor whom I respect—I still respect him. This is not meant to put him down in any way. But I remember going up to him and asking if I could ask him a question. And I explained to him that I had found this verse in my Bible reading and I just said, you know, if the Bible says that this is pure religion, why aren't we doing more? Why aren't we talking about this more?We hear about keeping ourselves unstained from the world, which is hugely important. But why don't we hear this other part about visiting orphans and widows and caring for them? And I remember him saying, "Well, because that's just, you know, an example. God just wants you to care about people. He's just putting that out, basically, theoretically." And that never sat right with me. And I still don't believe it's theoretical, simply because of the number of times throughout the Bible, that He specifically lists these individuals. I don't think you specifically list the same individuals repeatedly if you're just reaching for random examples. But all that to say, I think you nailed it, when you said we should do something—whatever that something is.
Bethany Hager 22:30
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 22:31
Whether it is supporting a family in your church who has adopted or is adopting, Whether it is just faithfully praying. And I don't just mean "checking-the-box praying" so you can say you're doing something, but faithfully taking these children and families before the Lord, right? Get involved in your community. If you want a place to start, I would say have conversations with people in your walk of life who are doing things. So if you are considering adoption, there is no harm, and you have made no commitment by talking to a family you know who has adopted. If you're considering fostering, but you're scared of it, you know what? That is totally normal. I would say talk to families you know who have or are fostering. Probably somebody on your Facebook friend list is doing the thing that you have thought about doing. I would say the worst thing you can do is do nothing. And so I would say start with conversation. Do some research. Don't be scared by what you read. Don't be scared off so that you do nothing. I think the worst thing we can do is get to the end of our lives and realize we missed something important that God wanted us to do.
Bethany Hager 23:43
This is a little bit off topic, but I have a friend who has foster children in her care. I think she may have finalized the adoption of a couple of them. But one of the things she has mentioned throughout this process is feeling "less than" when she brings her children into the church nursery. Almost like—because she didn't give birth to them in the hospital—people don't know how to handle it. They didn't throw her a baby shower. They didn't bring her meals home when she was adjusting to having this child in her home. And she felt a little bit "less than." Well, what it has done is it softened in her heart a desire to make sure no other foster family feels that way.
Trisha Priebe 24:27
Good.
Bethany Hager 24:27
And so she's spearheaded in her church a supply closet to help other foster families or anybody who's caring for children to be able to come to that closet and get supplies that they might need. So dropping off a package of diapers or food or a gift certificate or a meal. There are little things we can do that just help those those families who are called to that ministry know they're not alone. They're not forgotten.
Trisha Priebe 24:53
Yes. And I'm sorry for your friend. I have heard people in my own circle of friends who have shared very similar experiences bringing home a child and not feeling the love and support of their church family. My husband and I were very fortunate in the church that we were in, in the Detroit area. When we brought our son home—our oldest son, Andrew—and we adopted him, our church family was truly family to us, not even church family. They were family. And I guess I just kind of always assumed that that's how church families were. I didn't realize there was any other way to view families in the church who are adopting or fostering. We were very fortunate to be in a church that loved and supported families well, and we were the beneficiaries of that very definitely.
Bethany Hager 25:41
Good!
Trisha Priebe 25:41
Then my husband and I went to another church. And I'm not going to say where because that's not even the point. But we went to another church for ministry, and we made the decision to foster. We felt like that was important. That was something the Lord wanted us to do. And I'll never forget the first Sunday we took this little boy to church. And he was not welcome in his Sunday school class. And he was turned away from the nursery. And I remember just thinking, "They don't understand! They don't realize who this is!" And, by the way, he was not a threat to anyone. He was not, you know, biting or anything like that. He was just this little kid who had never been to church, and he didn't know how to sit in the chair or how to sing the songs. And so he was turned away. And the more I have been in this type of ministry, and I've interacted with families, I have learned that this is not terribly uncommon. It is more uncommon to be in the type of church we were in, in the Detroit area where they love these kids and welcome them. And you make an excellent point that we need to remember that these kids matter deeply to God, and they must matter deeply to those of us who love God. And really, if you're looking for something tangible to do, maybe if you're not called to foster or adopt specifically, you can take it upon yourself to be the person in the church, who sets the precedent of how you're going to welcome kids from hard places, how you're going to support families who make this decision that can be so impactful in a community.
Bethany Hager 27:21
Yeah, I heard a pastor say recently—he's the founding pastor of his church—and he said, "Look, when I started the group that came together to start this church, one of the burdens that we had was that the churches we could see all around us were kind of built and designed for people who already knew how to go to church. And the church treated people as if, you know, you already need to be mature in some areas and have some things figured out. And then you can come to this church and be a part of things." And he was like, "There needed to be a church for the people who didn't know how to go to church, because church is for them, too. And there needs to be a church for the people who are that down-and-outers who have messed up or who don't have it all figured out."
Trisha Priebe 28:04
Yes!
Bethany Hager 28:04
Actually, people, that's who church is for because none of us have it figured out. So I think it's good for all of us to remember to let the broken people come in. Let the children, the immature people, come in, because that's who we all are when it comes down to it anyway. Okay, that's my soapbox.
Trisha Priebe 28:20
Love it.
Bethany Hager 28:21
Now, I'm going to ask you another question, because I'm supposed to be letting you talk here.
Trisha Priebe 28:24
Ha!
Bethany Hager 28:25
So when people think about adoption and foster care, and they are ready to jump in, I think a lot of people's minds go immediately to, "Oh, a cute little baby. Let's go save the babies! We're going to bring a newborn home." And that's terrific, absolutely. Have a place for vulnerable newborns. But as you've said in the past, there are kids that age out of the foster care system. And so can you talk for a little bit about those older kids? And is there a place for them? And how can we better think of taking care of those kids who don't have maybe the factor of being a "cute baby" on their side as an "advantage"?
Trisha Priebe 29:10
That's another great question. Let's talk for a minute about who the average kid in foster care is today.
Bethany Hager 29:17
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 29:17
And I know you asked about adoption, specifically. But of the 400,000+ kids currently in foster care, over 100,000 of them are waiting to be adopted, and most of them are not infants. Which by the way, I'll take a tiny rabbit trail here to say that I am not against families bringing infants into their home, either. Every child deserves the love of a family. And in many ways, bringing an infant into your home gives that child the best possibility of growing up in a healthy bonding environment. So I don't advocate, you know, just going for the older children and leaving the infants, either. Every single child needs a home. And the sooner we get any child into a permanent, loving, safe family, the better in my opinion. But back to who the average child in foster care is—today, of those 100,000+ kids who are waiting to be adopted, the average kid has been in foster care over a year, and the average age of a child in foster care is eight. And also the average kid in foster care is a white male.
Bethany Hager 30:28
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 30:28
So the only reason I share all of that is because I think sometimes who we picture in foster care is inaccurate. There are a lot of children who need and are waiting for the love of a family. I also want to say quickly that the term "special needs" gets thrown around a lot. You hear about many children in foster care having special needs, and I don't want that term to scare people off. First of all, it shouldn't be a scary term. Every child needs and deserves the love of a family. But one of the things that qualifies a child to be considered special needs or to have special needs—I don't like calling kids "special needs."—but one of the things that qualifies a child as having special needs is simply the fact that that child is older.
Bethany Hager 31:13
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 31:13
So as soon as you reach a certain age, there are people who classify you as having special needs simply because you're older and you don't have a family yet. So these children need to be pursued by loving, safe families who will welcome them into their homes. I will tell you, we brought our oldest son home at age four. And I have not for a single moment in my life regretted the fact we brought an older child into our home. We have loved him from day one. He was a fun kid to interact with. We got to do all the fun things. Instead of getting up in the middle of the night with crying children, we got to go to the zoo like day two. And listen, again, I'm not knocking any way. If you are willing to bring a child into your home, then you have my love and respect. But I would say do not be scared to consider older children. Older kids need to be loved and accepted into families as well.
Bethany Hager 32:08
So I wanted to ask you to about something surprising about this work that people may not realize or maybe something new that's in this area of work that people may not know about yet. And I'm thinking of a trend that you and I have talked about. So if you don't mention it, I will I want to come back and ask you about this trend. But first of all, just to open it up to you—what's something surprising or new about adoption or foster care work that people may not realize?
Trisha Priebe 32:37
Sure. I'll go ahead and share briefly one of each if that's okay. I would say something that is surprising to me in this adoption space is how many organizations are eager and willing to help families financially who are trying to pursue adoption. I hate talking about finances. I hate, hate, hate talking about finances when we're discussing adoption. I feel like the topics we should be discussing are the kids who need families and whether or not families are willing, and what do we do to help these kids and how do we help these families? But I am also aware that one of the most intimidating pieces of adoption is this piece of how do we pay for this whole adoption? And I know some people have pointed to the fact we talked about money and pointed to the fact that adoptions can cost as much as $50,000 and have said, "See! There's proof that adoption is unethical!" Well, no, you're not paying for a child. That is always unethical. That is trafficking and that is not okay, ever.
Bethany Hager 33:39
Right.
Trisha Priebe 33:40
What you're paying for are all of these individual agencies, organizations, professionals who are necessary to make this thing legal and to do this thing right. But I do know that that $50,000, or whatever is required of a family can feel very intimidating.
Bethany Hager 33:57
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 33:57
And I would just say to anybody considering it, please do not let that number intimidate you out of doing what you're supposed to do or what God is calling you to do, if He's calling you to adopt. I cannot count the number of families that I have interacted with who have—and I am one of these families—who can tell you that God provided every single penny at the time it was needed, whether it was people handing a check to you just randomly, whether it was garage sale that went above and beyond anything you thought was possible. God provides.
Bethany Hager 34:33
Amen.
Trisha Priebe 34:34
And I would go back to the thing that surprises me which is the number of organizations who want to help. And again I know I'm talking about the organization I work for, but if you are interested in adopting and you want financial assistance, please please please go to lifesong.org. And you can look right there at the adoption help that is available. Reach out to me privately. I have ideas. But that is the thing that surprises me.
Bethany Hager 35:05
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 35:05
The thing I would say that is new. And I can do this very briefly, but the thing I would say that is new in the adoption space that is excellent, that I am very excited about, is the amount of post-adoption resources that are becoming available to families who bring kids home. I feel like there are so many families who want help and assistance, whether it's figuring out different issues, whether it's thinking through different strategies—how can we help kids, especially kids who have experienced trauma, especially kids who come home with different developmental delays—or there are just lots of things to consider when it comes to raising kids. And I have noticed a trend trending upward and the amount of post-adoption resources available to families. I think that's great.
Bethany Hager 35:50
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 35:50
I'm excited to learn more about those and to recommend them to people that I know and love. And I would just say, I mean, the whole overarching theme is you're not alone in this. And God will provide, and you will have what you need when you need it. And I would say take the next step if you're considering it. Okay, I don't know. Did I hit the trend you were thinking of?
Bethany Hager 36:10
Well, the trend I was thinking of involves the word "colonization."
Trisha Priebe 36:14
And she went there! [laughter]
Bethany Hager 36:15
Yeah. So I don't know if you want to talk about that one.
Trisha Priebe 36:18
I knew I was not getting out of this interview without a hard question. So thank you for coming through on that.
Bethany Hager 36:24
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 36:24
I do think this is a very good question, and probably one that requires more time and space than I'm able to give in this interview. But I will try to do this briefly. There is an idea of colonization in which people think—and the way I hear it—is typically white Western culture. So forgive me if that is not part of an official definition. But this idea that as white Westerners or white affluent Westerners—whatever that includes—that we have this idea to bring people from other countries into our homes or into our country for the purpose of making them look and act like affluent white Westerners.
Bethany Hager 37:04
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 37:04
And there would be some who look down on adoption, and specifically international adoption, because they believe that it's a form of colonization, I know that there are people who are against international adoption, the idea is sort of, you know, if there are so many kids in our own backyard who are suffering, why are you interested in helping kids around the world unless you have a bad motive or a faulty outlook on what you're doing? And I would just say this. Without a doubt, there are immense needs here in the United States.
Bethany Hager 37:37
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 37:38
400,000+ kids in foster care. 100,000 of them could be adopted. These kids absolutely need our support. And I think it would be wrong to make the case against adopting children here in the United States. I think adopting here is a very good idea. I do think in conversations like this, it's a good idea to look to God's Word to direct us in what we believe and in the choices that we're going to make. My mind immediately goes to the story of the Good Samaritan. So there's this Jewish expert, he's an expert in the law. And he's considering the greatest commandment—which is to love your neighbor as yourself, right?
Bethany Hager 38:19
Right.
Trisha Priebe 38:19
And he asks Jesus the question, "Who is my neighbor?" And so Jesus answers by telling him this story about a man who is abused and left by the road to die. And after being ignored, eventually, this man is helped by a Samaritan, right? He's a foreigner or an outcast of his society. And Jesus points him out as the ultimate example of a neighbor—proving it's less about where you're from, or what you look like, or how much money you have, and more about whether it's seeing a person in need and having the ability to meet that need, and then stepping out and actually helping.
Bethany Hager 38:57
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 38:57
Right now, the U.S. church is actually the richest church in the history of the world. If you make more than about 46 or $47,000 a year as an income, you are richer than 99.6% of the people in the world.
Bethany Hager 39:15
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 39:15
If your income is even $12,400, or somewhere around there, then you're still richer than 87% of the people in the world. I think it's a shame, to think that the US church wouldn't be doing things to meet the needs of people around the world. And I will say that there are many ways to do that. My husband and I are child sponsors. We are all about helping families stay together who want to stay together and can stay together. There are so many ways to be involved, but I would be very, very careful—and I would heavily caution people against assuming that someone who is adopting and adopting internationally is doing it for this idea of colonization. I will tell you that some of the best people I know, some of the most kind-hearted, most generous people I know, are people in the adoption community, and the only thing they want to do is love kids and offer up their homes. So the short answer is, I think it comes down to motive. Why do you want to bring that child into your home? And the other part of this issue is I would heavily caution us against is assuming people's motives unless people tell us their motives. I would assume the best about people until you find out otherwise. And not assume that somebody who's adopting is just trying to create affluent white Westerners.
Bethany Hager 39:19
Yeah. Amen. I love that I thank you for your work in this world of adoption and foster care and orphan care. Thank you for the things you've taught me, even in our conversation today. I've learned from your life and your story. And I appreciate you and your work very much, Trisha,
Trisha Priebe 40:00
My privilege. Thank you. Yeah, I've enjoyed this conversation, Bethany. Thanks for your work and putting the questions together. And I am really looking forward to talking to you next week and asking you about the work that you're doing. So thanks for putting this together. It was your idea. And it was a really good one. So thank you.
Bethany Hager 41:17
So next week, we dive in to another section of these special topics for sanctity of human life month. And in line with that, take some time this week, if you would, to dig into what January means for Sanctity of Human Life and give some thought to that. And some ways that you might get involved in your community, showing love to your neighbor— that is valuing human life right there—to be kind to the people around you. And then there's maybe a little something extra that you can do in one of these areas of ministry.
Trisha Priebe 41:51
Yes.
Bethany Hager 41:52
So, I have a little home management tip to send us out with.
Trisha Priebe 41:55
Let's hear it.
Bethany Hager 41:56
And the little tip this week is—believe it or not, Valentine's Day is coming up quickly. So do a little thinking this week about a card or a note or a special gift that you can give to somebody to show them some love for the fake holiday known as Valentine's Day.
Trisha Priebe 42:16
I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go drink some more tea. And on that note, we look forward to seeing you in the next episode.