Do you struggle with anxiety or love someone who does? In this episode, Bethany and Trisha each bring a list of 5 thoughts they go to when they're faced with anxiety. Have something to add to the discussion? They want to hear from you! Join the conversation.
Do you struggle with anxiety or love someone who does? In this episode, Bethany and Trisha each bring a list of 5 thoughts they go to when they're faced with anxiety. Have something to add to the discussion? They want to hear from you! Join the conversation.
Trisha Priebe 0:07
Hey! Welcome to Episode #20 of the Laundry List Podcast. Can you believe it? 20 episodes already! We found out over the weekend that we're doing well on iTunes, and Audible picked us up. And we know that that's all because of people like you who are listening and sharing and being part of the conversation. So thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being our friend. Every successful podcast is a team effort. That said, my name is Trisha Priebe, and I'm here with the one and only Bethany Hager. And we're glad that you're here for this discussion today. This is a podcast for list junkies, where we talk about important things, trivial things, and everything in between. So basically, we talk about everything. And we do it by presenting you with a new list. This week is no exception. We're bringing you a new list today. And we're excited to dive in. So let's get started.
So I feel a little strange today, jumping in with, "Hey, hope you're having a great day. Let's talk about anxiety."
Bethany Hager 1:14
Let's talk about a happy thing, though. Tell me about the citizenship ceremony.
Trisha Priebe 1:18
You know what?—That's a great idea. That is a far better way to start this episode. I appreciate that. So for those of you who may not be aware—because I don't think I've talked about it here on the podcast—my oldest son became a citizen of the United States this last week. And I'm actually really thankful for this chance to talk about it for a minute because I keep getting panicked calls and texts and private messages about it. And I want to clarify a few things.
Bethany Hager 1:46
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 1:47
So our oldest son Andrew became a part of our family nine years ago. We adopted him as a little boy in Thailand, and we brought him home. It's been fully legal. He was a permanent legal resident. He has had a social security card. I mean, it's all above board. So the panicked messages have essentially been, "What! How does it take nine years to become a citizen of the U.S.? No wonder people are coming here illegally!" And I'm here to say clearly that that is not what happened. So here is the highest overview I can give you of this story, because I don't want to take all of our time today telling the story. And I could.
Bethany Hager 2:26
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 2:27
Basically, when we brought him home, it was our understanding that he was a citizen. Now, I'm not blaming anybody. If you've been part of the adoption process, you understand that there are lots of meetings and tons of paperwork and tons of appointments. And somehow we just became convinced he was a full citizen, as opposed to a permanent legal resident. I'm not even sure what the difference is other than paperwork and time and, of course, money to the government.
Bethany Hager 2:55
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 2:55
But we found out not too long ago that he was not actually a full citizen; he was a permanent legal resident, and we wanted to take care of that. So about a year ago, I was feeling kind of panicked about this. I didn't know where to turn, I didn't know what to do. And I remember one night, lying in bed awake—I'm sure my husband was sound asleep—but I was awake. [Laughter]
Bethany Hager 3:18
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 3:18
And I was thinking, "You know what, Trisha? You just need to bite the bullet, and you need to reach out to a lawyer, and you need to ask questions." And I was intimidated about that. Because who am I going to reach out to? What lawyer can I possibly talk to?
Bethany Hager 3:32
How do I find a lawyer?
Trisha Priebe 3:34
Right? And that's the ironic thing, Bethany, because you and I have been dear friends for over 20 years. And for most of those 20 years, you have been a successful lawyer, and not just a successful lawyer, but one that I'm super proud of and proud to call my friend. When you were in my wedding 17 years ago, I told the world that my lawyer was in my wedding.
Bethany Hager 3:58
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 3:59
Finally—FINALLY—for the first time in my life, I have a reason that I need to reach out to a lawyer ... and my mind went blank.
Bethany Hager 4:07
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe: 4:07
But you may remember I finally got my act together, and I did reach out to you.
Bethany Hager 4:12
I remember, yeah.
Trisha Priebe 4:13
And I said, "Listen, Bethany, I need your help." And you thought—
Bethany Hager 4:20
She needs bail money. Finally, I knew the day would come!
Trisha Priebe 4:23
Listen, Friend, when I was a junior in college and you were a senior in college, and I needed your help, you left me attached to a barbed wire fence. So this would be a situation of "Fool me once!" I would not call you in the event that I needed bail money. I would not use my one call from jail to call you to have you laugh and walk away.
Bethany Hager 4:47
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 4:47
Actually, I probably would call you. That's just my pride speaking. So anyway, this is supposed to be a short story. I cannot tell a short story to save my life.
Bethany Hager 4:55
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 4:56
You helped us with that paperwork tremendously for which we are grateful. We submitted it about a year ago—actually about this time last year—and then of course, the world shut down with COVID, which was another unplanned, unforeseen event that slowed the whole thing down. But then finally, we were notified a few weeks ago, that he had been approved, that all the paperwork had been accepted, and that we were invited to Detroit for him to attend an oath ceremony and officially become a citizen of the United States of America.
Bethany Hager 5:27
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 5:27
Now, I had spent so much time working on the paperwork side of things, and just the logistical side of things, that I hadn't actually spent a whole lot of time considering what was going to happen in the ceremony or how huge and life-changing this event really would be in his life and in our lives as his parents.
Bethany Hager 5:47
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 5:48
And so all of a sudden, the day arrived for us to go through the ceremony and to experience the situation. And I was just so overcome by emotion. It was such a neat experience. We were surrounded by people who love the country and were excited to become citizens. And it was really just a great day from start to finish. Even to see how much my son understood what was happening. I mean, he was excited to dress up that morning.
Bethany Hager 6:17
He did. He looked so sharp.
Trisha Priebe 6:19
Actually, the last stop we made before we went to the courthouse was him picking up a new pair of dress shoes so that he could be at his total best when he became a citizen.
Bethany Hager 6:32
That's amazing. That's astounding. Well, my favorite line from when you described Andrew's citizenship ceremony was when you said, "Patriotism is not dead."
Trisha Priebe 6:43
That's right. I posted something on my personal Facebook page on the afternoon when he received his citizenship. And that really was, I think, probably the biggest takeaway for me of that whole day and that whole experience.
Bethany Hager 6:56
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 6:57
You know, I can get kind of frustrated, of course, over these past couple years, especially regarding the way different people are treating America or the different things that are happening here in America or the way America isn't the way it used to be. And of course, a lot of those things are true. And a lot of those things should kind of frustrate those of us who love our country. And yet, being in a room full of people who are excited to become citizens and excited to take the oath, and to pledge loyalty to this country, it was truly an experience I will not forget. I really think it was one of the best days of my life so far, and it's a day I hope I cherish and I remember when I'm tempted to be frustrated, that there are people who want to be citizens of our country.
Bethany Hager 7:42
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 7:43
And on that note, I'm going to go ahead and transition us to our topic for today only because I would be very happy and content to sit here and talk the entire time about this week and everything I learned. But then we would have to change the title of this topic or this episode, to "The 5 Things Trisha Learned About Citizenship," and that is not why the listener is here.
Bethany Hager 8:07
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 8:07
So let's go ahead and discuss our topic for today. The title is "5 Helpful Thoughts When You're Anxious," and I'm excited. And I know that's probably a strange word to use—in relation to anxiety—but I'm excited to talk about this topic today. It is a topic that I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about lately—I continue to think about it. And I am very interested in getting your thoughts on the topic and some specific areas that I'd like you to weigh in on.
Bethany Hager 8:35
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 8:35
I would like to say very quickly here at the beginning, that I do think it's important in a discussion like this one, to start by clarifying to you—the listener—in case this is the first time that you've ever listened to our podcast, that Bethany and I are not doctors. You probably got that already when we were talking about Bethany being a lawyer. And so this is not a medical discussion. So we do hope that it is extremely helpful and practical and encouraging to you. I'm a writer, I am not a doctor either. And I do think it's worthy of a discussion, right, Bethany, but I just want to clarify that we are not medical professionals and we are not pretending to be medical professionals in this discussion.
Bethany Hager 8:36
I want to say with that though, I tell people I'm a lawyer. I am an expert in one field.
Trisha Priebe 9:25
Absolutely.
Bethany Hager 9:26
And yet, I will tell people—you don't have to be a lawyer to speak credibly about the law and about your rights. I think it is important for people to not be intimidated to wade into an area and to learn more about an area and even to feel as if you can learn enough in a certain area to take back a little bit of control of your own life in that field. So you don't have to be a lawyer to talk credibly about the law and about especially your Constitutional rights. I hope you're discussing those every day around your dinner table.
Trisha Priebe 10:02
Every day. We never miss as a family.
Bethany Hager 10:06
[Laughter] And you don't have to be a doctor to talk credibly about health. I will say "health," not that I want you to go prescribing things to your friends—and we're not prescribing things to anybody.
Trisha Priebe 10:17
Right.
Bethany Hager 10:18
But we can know things that are good for us, even if we're not licensed, credentialed experts in whatever field we may be discussing at the time. So, yeah.
Trisha Priebe 10:29
That's a good point. I think you're absolutely right that we can talk outside of our very narrow, specific field of expertise. So I think that's a really good point. And on that note, I'm going to go ahead and jump in with the first item on my list, simply because we had already talked ahead of time, and I know you want me to go first today, since I always make you go first.
Bethany Hager 10:35
[Laughter]
Trisha Priebe 10:38
So the first of my five thoughts to think when I am dealing with anxiety is simply, "I am not alone." I've written all five of my thoughts, by the way, from the perspective of someone who is dealing with anxiety. And so the first thought is, "I am not alone." I believe very firmly that it is a dangerous and strategic lie of the Enemy to convince us that our situation itself is unique. Because when we believe that we are unique, or that our situation is unique, we can more easily justify having a unique response to it. And very often, that unique response is neither helpful, nor is it biblical.
Bethany Hager 11:38
Right.
Trisha Priebe 11:38
And along the lines of reminding ourselves when we're dealing with hard things that we are not alone, I just want to say that I don't remember a time in my life, when I knew of more people struggling with heavy burdens and deep griefs than I am aware of right now. So my husband is a pastor. And one of the privileges and the joys that we have serving together in ministry—he is the pastor; I am not—but I do get to be part of his ministry opportunities from time to time when somebody wants to talk to me or talk to us together. And one of the things I have noticed lately in talking to people is that the percentage of people carrying heavy burdens is higher than I can ever remember it being for people I know and love—people who are really going through dark valleys.
Bethany Hager 12:27
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 12:28
And it really is no surprise to me that anxiety is at an all time high. Like, we're looking at all of these events going on in our world right now and in our country. According to multiple studies, including one that I made note of from Harvard Medical School, typically, an average of 19.1% of adults in the U.S. is struggling with anxiety in a normal year. 19.1%.
Bethany Hager 12:53
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 12:54
The percentage of adults currently struggling with anxiety is 31.1%. And those percentages are based on conversations that doctors are having with patients. That's not even people who aren't going in. So I do think, first of all, it may not feel encouraging to think you're you're not alone—everybody's struggling—like, that's not a good thing necessarily. And yet, it is a good thing from the perspective of—this situation, or this valley that you're going through, or this battle against anxiety—is not just you; you alone are not fighting these things. We're all carrying burdens. And we will all get through this together, if our eyes are on the right Person and our motives are in the right place. We can get through this together, you are not alone, even though it may feel like it.
Bethany Hager 13:43
You're right that things are just piling up on people. You have the normal ordinary things that are difficult, and then additional stuff on top of that. So how do you cope with that? What do you do? Do you have a default coping mechanism that you find yourself going to?
Trisha Priebe 14:02
That's a great question. I think my coping mechanism of choice has changed in different seasons of my life. I think right now my coping mechanism—when it is being used really in a healthy or unhealthy way—is I tend to escape a situation. So if we're having a stressful situation at home, or we're having a stressful situation, even like in my own private, personal emotional life, or wherever that stressful situation is happening, I tend to respond by wanting to get away from it. So I mean, just—very practically—very often I will just go drive into town, I don't even necessarily need something I'm not even going to go invest a bunch of money in anything. I just need to get away from whatever the stressful thing is. And so that is probably my go-to currently. Sometimes it takes a healthy form. Like, if I know it's good to get away for an hour and come back, and then I have a renewed energy and a renewed joy about whatever I'm supposed to be doing or working on, then that's great. But it can also take a very unhealthy form when I am getting away because I don't want to deal with something. So I do see both sides of it. How about you? What is a coping strategy that you have, or a coping mechanism that you use in your life?
Bethany Hager 15:08
In my family, we use humor as a coping mechanism, I'll find myself doing this in a situation that can be pretty heavy and difficult and dark. And there will be something that seems very funny in the moment. And then sometimes it's almost like we look for the way to make a joke to lighten the mood. And sometimes it works. And sometimes it's exactly what we need—something to make you laugh and bring the humor into the moment—but sometimes it's just totally awkward and wrong to be making a joke in that time. And yet, that's what my family does.
Trisha Priebe 15:55
So many things I want to say right now, instead, I will say this, what is the first item on your list of 5 thoughts for when you're anxious?
Bethany Hager 16:08
So the first one that I wrote down actually came from my freshman year of college—I think was one of the first times I remember hearing this phrase—from a professor. And as soon as I say this phrase, people are going to remember him saying this.
Trisha Priebe 16:22
Okay.
Bethany Hager 16:22
There was a course—everybody had to take—if you didn't take it freshman year, then you probably put it off until your senior year and then dreaded it the entire four years of your college experience. It was a history class we all had to take that was notoriously difficult. And every time we would come to a test in that class—
Trisha Priebe 16:43
I know where this is going.
Bethany Hager 16:45
—Yes! We would get to the test day and the teacher would stand up. And he would say, everybody ready? "This too shall pass."
Trisha Priebe 16:54
"This too shall pass."
Bethany Hager 16:55
He would say, "This, too, shall pass, and so shall most of you."
Trisha Priebe 17:00
I thought he was talking about death.
Bethany Hager 17:02
[Laughter] And then we would take the test. And like everybody would flunk it. But that phrase has stayed with me. Really, everything you're going through in life is temporary.
Trisha Priebe 17:12
Yep.
Bethany Hager 17:13
This, too, shall pass. Even History of Civ doesn't last forever. Even civilization, people, is not going to last forever. It will pass! And there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you'll get through the tunnel, and you will get to that light, it will be there. So just don't give up.
Trisha Priebe 17:32
Right.
Bethany Hager 17:32
Along those lines, there was a time in our ministry that was very difficult, and we were having to move. We were having to change everything we thought would not change for years—you know—all of a sudden was in flux and changing. And I was a young mom, I was packing up my family. We were going to make this change. And I was talking with a lady in our church, who at the time, even at the time, she was a great grandmother.
Trisha Priebe 18:01
Okay.
Bethany Hager 18:01
She was just very comforting, very loving to us. But she'd seen a lot in her raising several generations. And she said something to me about, you know, "You'll get through this. I'm very upset about these changes that you're having to go through, but you'll get through it." And I looked at her and I said, "You don't seem very upset. You seem very calm about it." And she goes, "Bethany, I have seen a lot in my life. And as I get older, I just realize that things tend to work out for good, and bad doesn't last forever. And the things that seem really difficult in the moment, you know, you look back later and you got through them. And maybe they were difficult, maybe not as difficult as you look back." She said, "Time just has a tendency of kind of evening out everything."
Trisha Priebe 18:54
True.
Bethany Hager 18:54
And so I know that it's difficult in those moments, when you're feeling the weight of the burden and the anxiety crashing in on you, I know how that feels—that this will never end. It'll never get better, and there's all this darkness around me. And in those moments, if we can speak to ourselves, "This, too, shall pass; time will even things out." I'm not saying it's gonna make everything better. There's no band aid, that's gonna make it better. But it can carry you through just a little bit farther. And maybe all you need is to get through this day, and then you realize you can get through the next day. And so just that little phrase to start you off. It's not gonna last forever.
Trisha Priebe 19:34
Bethany. Those are good words. And I appreciate you reminding me of that phrase. It's been a long time since I've thought about that. And I know it will be helpful to me moving forward. So thank you. The second item on my list of things we should think about when we're feeling anxious is simply this—I have all that I need.
Bethany Hager 19:55
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 19:55
If you are a Christ-follower, and I hope you are, Listener, you probably know verses like Philippians 4:19—which is one of the most common verses in conversations like this one—"My God will supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory through Christ Jesus." But we also have verses like 2 Peter 1:3, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness." So here is where I'm settled on this issue. If I need it, He will supply it. If He doesn't supply it, I don't need it. So I can be confident that I have all that I need even in difficult or painful or unfair circumstances or situations. Now, I know even from personal experience, that that doesn't necessarily make the situation any easier. But what it does is it enables us not to lose hope. And that is the thing we need when we are dealing with something that makes us feel anxious, right?
Bethany Hager 21:01
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 21:02
So, I mentioned earlier that God has given us all the things that we need—I just said it several different ways in a row—and I wonder if one of the things that God has given us to meet our need with regard to fighting anxiety correctly, is He has given us the Church and Christian brothers and sisters with whom we can share these burdens, and with whom we can fight this battle. Now, without going on too much of a tangent because this is an issue I would love to talk about in detail, I will just say that one reason, I believe, we haven't talked much about anxiety within the church—and by that I don't mean, the 10:45 service or the 9:30 Sunday School—I just mean within the Body of Christ—one reason I think that we're quieter about anxiety than necessarily we could or should be, is because I don't think we always know where to put anxiety on the spectrum.
Bethany Hager 21:59
Okay.
Trisha Priebe 22:00
So, on one end of the spectrum, you have individuals who will say anxiety is always a sin, right? The Bible tells us not to be anxious in Philippians. And so therefore, I have agency over anxiety. And if I am anxious, It is always a sin. On the other side of the spectrum, you have individuals who will say, "You know, anxiety is a mental health issue. And people aren't always in control of whether or not they feel anxious, or they're struggling with anxiety. And so to call it a sin is wrong." And so you have this full spectrum of perspectives toward anxiety. And sometimes I think we don't know where we fall on that spectrum. Because we obviously want to believe God's Word. But we also see that, you know, sometimes anxiety is not a choice. And so we're just quiet because we don't know how to handle it.
Bethany Hager 22:52
Yeah.
Trisha Priebe 22:53
So here are quickly two thoughts I have on that issue, and then we will move on to your number two. My first thought is, I think we need to acknowledge that there is a chasm of difference between making a simple choice acceptable versus weaponizing a person's admission of a struggle against him or her. There are more than two choices. So in other words, if somebody is willing to come and talk to us about anxiety or to express a need with regard to anxiety, it isn't that we have to sit there and say, "Well, is this a sin? And if so I can't listen to this individual." Nor is it saying, "I'm just going to embrace everything this person says because it's just a mental health thing." There can be ways we fall in that spectrum without it being either of the polar opposites. I don't know if that makes sense. But the second point that I would make in this regard is— regardless of where it truly does land on the spectrum, is there a safer place to bring our burdens and our sin struggles and our illness—whatever you want to call any of it—there should be no safer place to discuss these things, than to bring them to brothers and sisters in Christ within the church family.
Bethany Hager 24:08
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 24:08
So, if someone comes to us, you know—what I may not be able to tell in a clear way, what is going on here, whether it is a choice the person is making, or whether this person is just calling it a health issue and not fighting it—whatever. The bottom line is, the church family should be a place where we can talk about these things, I believe 100% that secrets lose their power over us when we bring them into the light. And I believe there's no better place to bring secrets into the light than in trusted circles of brothers and sisters within the church family. That doesn't necessarily mean you know, announcing to the whole world what you're going through, but it does mean we should be able to find one or two or four or five individuals with whom we can say, "Look, this is what I'm facing. This is what I'm struggling with. Will you pray with me and walk with me in this?" And I think when that happens, that becomes one way that God is meeting our need with regard to anxiety. And we can say with confidence, "I have all that I need."
Bethany Hager 25:15
So I like that you referenced Philippians for your second one, because my second one literally is a phrase from Philippians 4:13 that I want to remember in moments when I'm feeling anxious, and it's simply this—"I can." And of course, for us, it has that faith component to it—I can do what I need to through Jesus. He gives me strength. But I think it's helpful, even just separating out the faith component of it for a minute.
Trisha Priebe 25:46
Okay.
Bethany Hager 25:46
There's something to be gained from reclaiming some agency. In a moment of anxiety, it helps you physically to remember there are some things within your control. There is something that you can do in response to whatever the situation might be. It might feel that it's an overwhelming burden to carry. Actually, the situation that came to mind as an illustration for this one—for me—is like that overwhelming burden of caring for young children.
Trisha Priebe 26:16
Mm hmm.
Bethany Hager 26:16
Young children—honestly—if they're awake during the day, they need you. And the burden of being needed all the time—all the time—and need for them just to survive, you feel anxious, you get to a point where you say, "I can't take another moment of this."
Trisha Priebe 26:37
Okay.
Bethany Hager 26:38
But you can do something. And Mom, even those days when the kids need you constantly, and there's nothing you feel like you can do to combat that angst, you know what you can do? You can go in the bathroom for two minutes, and you can lock the door. And so even if that's the only thing that you can do in the moment, you can go get behind a locked door in the bathroom for two minutes and breathe. And so whatever the situation is that you're facing, that you feel is just an overwhelming burden on you, say to yourself, "I can" and then put something behind it. I can take a moment to breathe. I can step away from this for a little bit. I can tell that person not to talk to me that way. There is probably something you can do to take agency in the moment. And whatever that little action might be, it's going to relieve some of the feelings of anxiety that are overcoming you.
Trisha Priebe 27:39
I love how practical your number two is. Because I think sometimes I'm tempted to overthink what's going on. Is this a biological component? Is this a spiritual component? And really sometimes it is just stopping to assess in that moment, what is the thing that I need right now? What is the next right thing? So I appreciate how practical that is. And I also love how well that works with the third item on my list. And that is number three, the third thought—"I can be whole," or, "I can be healthy." Now I think we have to start with a recognition. When we are fighting anxiety, we have to start with a recognition that it's even possible that we can overcome it. I have sat down with people—maybe you have too, Listener—and you're halfway through a conversation with the individual when you realize that they have made anxiety such a part of their identity, that it's nearly impossible for them to imagine a life without it. And here is the reality for those of us who believe God and His Word to be true—the truth is, God can do anything.
Bethany Hager 28:52
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 28:52
And we have to start by believing that. Almost 10 years ago now I read an article by an author named Rebekah Lyons. And she was explaining that her oldest son Cade had been born with Down syndrome. And she was telling a friend of hers—this is what was recounted in the article—she was telling a friend of hers that she just kept praying that Cade would be made whole. And her friend finally responded. And at the time, Rebekah Lyons was not sure she liked this response. But over time, she understands and accepts and believes it. Her friend's response was, "Maybe your version of wholeness and God's version of wholeness look different." And I think about that story—even in this context of anxiety—because, what if what we think should feel whole is actually contributing to our anxiety? So maybe our version of wholeness and God's version of wholeness look different.
Bethany Hager 29:55
Hmm.
Trisha Priebe 29:55
All right, Bethany, I'm going to do something here that I don't usually do. I am going to talk about the Declaration of Independence, okay? So when Thomas Jefferson penned the Declaration of Independence, he coined a phrase that is nearly synonymous with the American dream, right? It is "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." And I wonder sometimes how often, we inadvertently fixate on that pursuit of happiness—what we think we should be experiencing, what we think we deserve, what we think life owes us what we think we need in order to do what we're supposed to do—to the point of creating anxiety. You know, God never promised us a happy or comfortable or fair life, never. Now he did promise us He would walk with us, that He would be with us, that He would take up the cause of justice. There are lots of things He's promised—it's not that He doesn't care—but He never promised us a happy or comfortable or fair life. And so I wonder how often our ideal of that pursuit of happiness actually contributes to our anxiety. So we do have to start by believing that we can be whole—and, specifically—we can be whole in whatever situation God has placed us,
Bethany Hager 31:18
I love that you worked the Declaration of Independence into that.
Trisha Priebe 31:21
I thought maybe you'd appreciate that.
Bethany Hager 31:23
So my third phrase—and this is kind of new for me to phrase it this way, talking to myself in moments of anxiety—but, the third thing I wrote down is to say to myself, "God's got this." And this specific phrase was given to me recently, as somebody in the life movement in the pro-life movement was writing an email to a bunch of us—I think it was in December, probably—that they sent it out.
Trisha Priebe 31:51
Okay.
Bethany Hager 31:52
Because they were looking ahead at the new administration coming in, and things looked a little bit bleak, honestly, on the horizon for Right to Life and protection of the unborn and some things going on in the pregnancy center world—things are looking a little bleak. And he made the point that the women who need our help aren't looking to Washington D.C. for their help anyway. Those people in the White House aren't going to do any good for her—she needs to remember that help is local. And, by the way, God's got her future and her baby's future in His hands. And we need to remember that God's got this. He's not surprised by anything coming along the line. He is very much in control. And He will have His victory one way or the other. In the end, He's in control.
Trisha Priebe 32:00
Right.
Bethany Hager 32:01
And so I will remind myself, God has got this. Now, something that was a technique given to me in the months of 2020—and Trisha and I have talked about this—is this technique of pausing for one minute, or maybe five or 10 minutes. And there is an app that you can use—I believe it's literally called The Pause app—to help you talk you through these pauses. It's a one-minute pause, a five- or a 10-minute pause. And you're invited in that moment to breathe, to talk to God, and to say the words literally, "I give everyone and everything to You."
Trisha Priebe 33:13
Okay.
Bethany Hager 33:13
When you enter into that—if you will do a little physical exercise with that—of talking to God, and saying, "I give every one and everything to You," releasing it to Him, and literally open your hands to release to God, as you're talking to Him. You remind yourself He is in control; He has it. And that physical action of releasing whatever it is figuratively in your hands to him and letting Him take it. There's something powerful in that moment of giving it to Him, and it is out of your hands and you don't have to control it, you're not going to try to anymore, you're going to release it and let Him take care of it how He will.
Trisha Priebe 33:52
Okay.
Bethany Hager 33:52
The author who came up with this one-minute, five-minute and 10-minute pause—as he explained it—I loved the way that he explained what he calls this benevolent detachment and releasing things to God. And he puts it in the terms of when you release this situation or scenario or a person—maybe it's a person you need to release to God—you release it to Him as if the situation is already done. You release it to Him as if the problem is already resolved. And the author even goes so far as to say, release it to God as if you are already in Heaven with Him and all of your problems are behind you. And just for a moment, step out of the reality of your present situation. And be with God in the future moment where everything is set to right, where all of your problems are resolved. Where God has taken care of everything as you know He's going to do and sit there with Him for a moment completely released completely detached and enjoy that feeling, that peace. Then you are going to close out the moment. You are going to come back to the present reality. But the present reality also includes the fact that God's still got it. And He is going to give victory. And He is going to bring you to a moment where all of your problems are behind you and done and resolved. And so you can live with the peace of that in your heart, even when you have to open your eyes again and go deal with whatever the problem in the situation or the scenario is. And I think there's a power that comes to us when we recognize that we can release to God at any time and just know, He's got it.
Trisha Priebe 35:42
He does have it. He has everything and everyone in His hands. And I am fully convinced that someday when we get to heaven, we are going to realize just how little control we had, and how much everything—every circumstance—was in His divine control. And it was intended for our good and for His glory. So yes, I think that is a good reminder to just stop when we're tempted to be overwhelmed—when we are feeling anxious—to stop and to remind ourselves to pause—as you say—and to remind ourselves that, "God, I give everything and everyone to You. But in reality, everything and everyone is already in Your control and in Your hands." So yes, that is a good reminder, Bethany. And as usual, I do think that that goes along well with the next item on my list, I'm thankful for that. The fourth thought that I need to think and that I'm encouraging you, Listener, to think whenever we're tempted to feel anxious, or we are feeling anxious, is this, "I am not my feelings." Now, I happen to believe that feelings are gifts from God. I know that some people that I love and respect are—what do we say? Left-brained—and they hear the word "feelings," and even just the word probably makes them uncomfortable.
Bethany Hager 37:01
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 37:02
I do believe that feelings are gifts from God. He hardwired us with feelings, but they are not the sum total of who we are. Now, if you have listened to our last couple of episodes, where we talked to Jill McCormick about the Enneagram, you will understand this when I say I'm a number four. So basically, I can be feelings on steroids. So please understand where I'm coming from even in saying this. I'm not saying this in a critical way. But we are not the same thing as our feelings. You can't put your name, equal sign, feelings. Feelings are a part of us. They might be the horse, but they're not the driver of the carriage. They shouldn't lead the way. My husband often reminds me that feelings are not facts. And I am grateful for that. Simply because I'm tempted to feel anxious doesn't mean that I have to give in to that temptation. Nor does it mean that I need to become defined, or led or controlled by any amount of anxiety.
Bethany Hager 38:07
Right.
Trisha Priebe 38:07
Now, earlier we referenced Philippians 4:6, which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." And one of the things that I love about that verse is that the Bible isn't denying the idea that we have big scary things over which we could legitimately be afraid or anxious. The Bible could have just said, "Guys, there's nothing scary in the world, so stop being afraid." It doesn't say that. Instead, it says, instead of being fearful and anxious—which may be your default—bring those things to God. And I know that's my paraphrase, but you get the idea. We aren't told that we have nothing to be anxious about. We're told that we shouldn't be anxious about anything. But instead we should bring those issues over which we could legitimately feel anxious, and instead give them to the God who is in control of all things. So I do believe wholeheartedly that we are not our feelings and that is a good reminder when we are tempted to be anxious.
Bethany Hager 39:20
My #4 thing I tell myself when I'm feeling anxious—and this is totally a new one that I have to preach to myself and probably need other people reminding me of it, and that is—delegate, Girl. You don't have to do everything, and you can't do everything, and you're designed to have other people in your village helping you do things. It really does take a village to navigate your life. You're not meant to go it alone. Now here's the thing. There's two sides of that, and on the one side of it, I think that we we know we should ask people for help. But at the same time, we don't want to appear to be the needy one. And always, there's just something about saying, "I need help," that is difficult to get out of our mouths. And so on the one hand, we need to be better at that we need to not be so proud. And we need to be more ready to say, "Somebody, please help me; I need help with this."
Trisha Priebe 40:19
Sure.
Bethany Hager 40:20
On the flip side of that, I used the word "delegate" on purpose, because there is a leadership skill where—as a leader—you grow a team, so that the team is getting a project done. And it's actually the mark of a good leader when it is the group getting the project done. And everybody in the group has a part to play, getting the project done. Where if you come to a project or an event or something that's needing to be managed, and you see the one person who's the leader running around crazy trying to get everything else done, that's actually a sign that they've not delegated very well. If they're feeling anxious in that moment to get the project done, and pull it off, and make everything happen, then—and their team is standing around looking at them, "What do we do? What do we do?"—the leader can do a bit of a better job, delegating, bringing in the talents of the team, so that the burden is shared across the board. So my encouragement is, don't think of yourself as a needy person, helpless, reaching out saying, "Help me! Help me!" Think of yourself as a leader, who is going to build your skill of delegation, and bring in the village to conquer the thing that's causing you anxiety. And along the way, you're growing your leadership skills, and you're growing your team and—Go, you! Well done.
Trisha Priebe 41:53
I love how tangible that is, Bethany, and I love that just a little shift in our thinking can have such important consequences to our lives. So thank you for that one. The fifth and final thought on my list for today is actually a set of six words that I learned to say years ago in response to anything that is difficult. And actually, over time, it is becoming my go-to response—not perfectly—but it is becoming my go-to response, even something I say out loud when something feels impossibly hard. Here are the six words, and it is my fifth item. My fifth thought we should think when we're feeling anxious, here it is: "I can trust God with this."
Bethany Hager 42:40
Yes.
Trisha Priebe 42:41
Honestly, I don't have to have anything else sorted out about an event, or about an emotion or a fear or a situation. I don't have to have anything else figured out in that moment to come to that conclusion. And even coming to that conclusion makes such an impact and how I'm going to respond. You know, with our current 24/7 anxiety-fueling, for-profit news cycle, it's nearly impossible to avoid getting sucked into the circumstances and the events of our day, right? It is so easy to go through our day—maybe I'm just speaking for myself—it's easy to go through my day, just going from one anxiety-ridden opportunity to another opportunity to feel anxious to another opportunity to reflect on how I was feeling anxious about that thing yesterday. And pretty soon my whole day can be a snowball of anxiety. But I will tell you, when I get to the place in my day where I say to myself, either out loud, or even just internally, "I can trust God with this," it does wonders to just release all of that—just like you were saying earlier—release it all back to God, recognize that He's in control. Recognize that I don't have to be in control. I'm not in control, and I don't have to be in control. And as a result, I do think it helps fight anxiety. So that is the fifth and final item on my list. What is the final item on your list, Bethany?
Bethany Hager 44:15
Okay, and my fifth one is going to seem completely counterproductive when I first state it, and so I just want to warn people it's going to seem shocking to come out of my mouth. Okay, we're going to combat anxiety by asking, "What's the worst that can happen?" Okay, Bethany, that's crazy. How can it help to go down the worst case scenario? That's exactly what we're afraid of. That's exactly what we're anxious about. The worst thing that could happen is actually a pretty bad thing. Okay, I get it. I have a coach—I guess I'll call her—who kind of took me on this exercise through something recently, and it was incredibly helpful. I didn't think it would be helpful, but it was. I told her about a situation I was anxious about. I told her I feel like, in this situation, that I am on a tightrope. I feel like I'm on a tightrope. And any moment, I could, if I make a misstep, I could fall. And it really doesn't matter what step I take next, it could be in this direction or this direction, or for this reason or this reason. Nevertheless, I will take a step, it will be a misstep, and I will fall and she said, Okay, let's talk about that. What if that does happen? What's the worst that could happen? You fall? What then? Okay. And we went through the scenario and in the end, because also in my scenario, I know this is true, in the rest of my life, Jesus was there.
Trisha Priebe 45:41
Yes.
Bethany Hager 45:42
And the worst that could happen when I fell in that scenario was that He was going to catch me. He was going to carry me through. He was going to give me grace in the situation that I was facing. And so, if you know Jesus in your life, what's the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen could be any number of things in whatever situation or scenario you're facing. But play it all the way out to the end, the worst that can happen, Jesus still wins.
Trisha Priebe 46:11
Yep.
Bethany Hager 46:12
The worst that can happen, He is still with you. The worst that can happen, He is going to catch you, and He will carry you through. And in the end, He will stand with you victorious and you will be healed. And if you fail, if you're anxious about making a misstep like I was, and you see failure in your future, may I encourage you even in that to think what's the worst that can happen with failure. Failure is an opportunity to grow. Failure is an opportunity to learn. Failure is not the end. Failure is just the next step. It's maybe even a new beginning. And so it sounds completely backwards to fight anxiety by going down the scenario of worst case possibilities. But if you know Jesus, the hope at the end of that worst case possibility is still a bright shining hope.
Trisha Priebe 47:05
Bethany, what a great fifth thought to end on I appreciate that. Jesus will have the victory. Thankfully, that has nothing to do with me. He will have the victory. And I want to end with this, Listener, because I think it really sums up what we've been trying to say today. And that is—the presence of anxiety in our world, in our lives, in our hearts—the presence of anxiety may be unavoidable. But the prison of anxiety is always optional. It is not required. So let's work to stay out of that prison of anxiety today and every day. All right, so for a concluding thought we always try to end this with some sort of a home management challenge. Today's challenge is super simple. And I don't know if it really should come on the heels of discussing what to do with anxiety. But this is the week right after Valentine's Day, and so candy is on sale. So if you need candy for something, maybe an upcoming event, maybe some sort of a—do we dare say—reward for our kids? Do we do that anymore? That may not be okay. But whatever you use chocolate for in your home, this is the time to go stock up. Even put it in the freezer. Candy does freeze. And on that note, we look forward to seeing you in the next episode.