📍 . 📍 Welcome to your weekly breakdown of the silly and occasionally smart podcast. I'm Emily, a washed up tech exec, mother of two.
my hair It is so stinky,
I washed it, but this morning I decided an anti dandruff shampoo.
It stinks. So bad. The shampoo stinks? Oh no, I'm so sorry.
I hope you guys can't smell it. I can't. Okay, good. I'm Kaitlyn. I am a happy person.
I'm trying new things. I'm happy to be here with all of you. And I listened to our podcast now more than ever. And I Honestly, it's so much fun to listen to. You used to not want to listen to it. I used to not listen to it and now I do. Good for you. It's because every week we get together to chat about cultural conversations in the news.
We make fun of the latest pop culture dramas, we'll judge each other's style and life choices, and rant about life's minor inconveniences. This podcast is brought to you by another podcast called Quiet Company. It's a new podcast, hard copy just launched, and it's for those of calm. You can find the intro episode on our own feed, or you can search Quiet Company wherever you listen to your podcasts.
I like that. slow voice. Yeah, it's hot. It's hot. Yeah. Someone texted a friend, not a stranger, said I could get off to your voice. And I was like, highest praise ever. We have a lot to cover today. Our topics are wild today. I want to kick it off with news. Sometimes we like lightly work into news But the Trump tariffs were introduced March Fourth, and the week's headlines have been dominated by them. Lots of chaos and noise and lots of opinions and commentary, but I just wanted to walk our listeners through a few fun facts because that's what you come here for my favorite thing so far. Was watching a clip of Donald announcing the tariffs and on the ticker tape underneath. Watching as he announced the tariffs the stock plummeting.
everyone knew that was going to happen. We're Canadian here, and I know we have a very split listenership of U. S. listeners and Canadian listeners. Americans, we love you but this policy is a bit bananas. The latest that I have at recording, canada has imposed retaliatory tariffs on US imports after Trump introduced what we're going to call Trump tariffs 25 percent tariff on Canadian goods, also Mexican goods, along with increased levies on Chinese imports.
Trump's administration argues the tariffs protect American jobs and curb illegal migration and drug trafficking, but Literally everyone else, not a lot of pros for the tariffs, even in all my hunting, you know, I like to go get multiple perspectives on something, but mostly everyone's warning that this is going to drive up consumer prices, spark a wider trade war and everyone loses.
Canadian officials warn the tariffs pose an existential threat.
I'm using air quotes here Endangering up to a million jobs, the automotive industry in particular faces severe risks due to the cross border manufacturing where I learned a lot of the automotive manufacturing, the molding the different processing plants, the different assembly lines, they go back and forth across the border, right?
So the tariffs would literally hit each time. So let's say we do wheels in Canada, you do exhaust in the US and then go back to Canada for engine, it would be 25 percent each time. Each time. Isn't that bananas? So our automotive industry is going to be hit. As well as many manufacturing plants, just as the tariffs are announced, I'm already reading a Quebec aluminum manufacturer has closed its workers are really anxious about layoffs, fearing economic instability in the wake of a trade dispute. Mm hmm. We could literally talk about this whole time, we're not going to, I will link to some varying perspectives on the tariffs
I think that my favorite Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced that the LCBO are not going to sell any American products. They also are a wholesaler for restaurants.
So about a billion dollars worth of products. booze, And that's just in Ontario. He's also ripping up the Starlink deal, which he's kind of
waffled on,
What I find really interesting about this is that we do have an existing U. S. free trade agreement, and we have a free trade agreement with 51 other countries as well. Huh. But there's no amendment to the agreement, this is just happening.
This is just not the agreement. And I just find that really interesting. I'd love to hear, a conversation about diplomacy and how things work. But I don't think Trump is really interested in diplomacy. These agreements, these tariff agreements, there was the US Canada Mexico one that was done just a few years ago by Trump he negotiated this US During his 2016 term? Uh Huh. Yeah, that replaced NAFTA. What does it mean if someone says there's an agreement? Like I'm thinking of the Budapest Memorandum. Have you heard about this? This was a document that was set out in the, I think it was 1994. And the Budapest Agreement or the Memorandum was between Ukraine, Russia, the U.
S. and the U. K. Imagine giving up your best defense only to be invaded by the very country that promised to protect you. That's what's happening in Ukraine.
So what happened was, in 1994, Ukraine agreed to give up their nuclear arsenal. They had the world's third largest nuclear arsenal in Ukraine.
And they did that in exchange for security and guarantees. That's From Russia and the United States. After the Soviet Union collapsed, Ukraine inherited almost 2, 000 nuclear warheads. More than China, France, and the UK combined.
Which, obviously, the whole world went, Oh, that's not a good idea. They shouldn't have this.
Ukraine agreed to hand over its nukes to Russia for dismantling, but this is 1994, right? Sure. There was a different time. Yeah. The Soviet Union collapsed in 91. Yeah. Yeah. So this is in 94. You guys know those years? Just like off the top of your head? No, this is from me doing research. Okay.
This was all done in return for the promise to respect Ukraine's sovereignty. And to never use force or threats against it. It wasn't a full treaty. It was just a diplomatic agreement. Wow. Russia first broke it in 2014 with Crimea, when Russia annexed Crimea, violating Ukraine's sovereignty.
I do recall. And then in 2022 was the full scale invasion. So I put this question to you, Emily. Should Canada have nuclear weapons? Because it feels like that is the only defense. North Korea kept all of its nukes, and there's not been one invasion. Ukraine gave up all the nukes. They got invaded. You look at countries like Iran, Taiwan, South Korea.
Are they going to rethink their nuclear policies? Because now all of a sudden, maybe that's the only defense. is Canada going to rethink our nuclear policy? acquire some nuclear weapons? Interestingly, we are an active participant as a country in nuclear research and development but we don't nuclear weapons.
That's right. Canada is a member of several non proliferation treaties and is committed to Ending nuclear weapons.
Oh, We've never had nuclear weapons. During the Cold War, we hosted U. S. nuclear weapons as a part of NATO, but all weapons were withdrawn in 1984. We ratified the Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty in 1969. That's a treaty that prohibits the acquisition of nuclear weapons by non nuclear weapon states.
That seems not great. 69, it was a different time in 69. It was, but it was a naive time, right? These were like assurances, diplomatic assurances, when that actually this is such an interesting time in diplomacy. Yeah. It doesn't even mean anything anymore.
Yeah. Especially now, if international agreements don't mean anything anymore, which it feels like they don't, what is stopping Russia from ignoring more?
From being like, I ignore that border too, and I ignore this border, and I ignore that border. I don't think anything's stopping them. Russia and the U. S. have a, are building a relationship and have been building a relationship under Trump. So it's an open secret I don't want to go to fear as the first thing, right? You want to solve the problem, but we're going to escalate. This conversation with tariffs, that's going to impact industries, that's going to cause civil unrest.
I am all for investing in our country's defense, given the rapidly changing state of the world.
probably not a popular opinion. I think there's a million other things we can do before that, but I'm not I have a podcast. It begs the question too is it a necessary evil? And I don't want to think about it, but you're right. We're in a place right now where suddenly I'm questioning these necessary evils. You can only make. A decision with the information you have at that time, and there's a lot of like good faith stuff, and we're just seeing the deterioration of that. We've seen that with the media, with misinformation, social media's enablement of the rapid spread of misinformation.
I think it's just devolved into people really believing strongly that this is a truth. Over here is a lie and the reality is it's a lot more muddy than that. Thanks for that really not weighty question. I have a story for you with regard to okay, what can we do about it right in this moment?
Obviously buying local has always been a great move and a great option. I'm talking not about like where you buy your steel from, because I don't think a lot of you listening are like, where will I buy steel from, or wood? I'm speaking instead about where we can discover new Canadian brands.
And so there's, you've probably seen Ooh, I like that. A lot of different oh, made in Canada dot CA, or made here, whatever. A friend of mine Shavonne, I used to work with her, she's a very inspiring person, always doing good in the world. She, my other friend, Nina they have launched something called From Here Canada on Instagram, it's at fromherecanada if you're on the web machine, it's from here. ca. I'll link to them in the show notes. And it's a place to highlight brands from women and minorities. Nina and Shav and Christine are all entrepreneurs themselves. And they were inspired by their immigrant parents and grandparents who built businesses from the ground up here in Canada. And they saw an opportunity to create something different.
Highly recommend Checking that out as a source for where to buy Canadian. Interesting, too, there's like a fear amongst some Canadian brands. That their international users and buyers won't buy. their product anymore because it's Canadian. There's lists going around in the states of don't buy from these people because it's Canadian. So this is not a one way street. Then they can't have all dress chips.
Americans. Sorry. Sure there's gonna be people who think that way. I do think our Canadian entrepreneurs and business owners are going to lose out on a lot of revenue, so they don't have a choice.
They're going to have to look beside them, and in front of them, and behind them, and they're going to need to sell to those people. always been a shop local person and there's so many great. Resources. In Ontario Premier Doug Ford's remarks , he was encouraging retailers to put the Canadian flag next to the price, and if it's an American product, he wants a US flag next to the price.
And he said, I really encourage you to do it, and if you don't, I'm going to legislate mean, that made Me laugh, but also, okay. He loves a button though. He loves to say something and then goes and then I'll, if you don't know, I'll punch you in the head. A hundred 📍 percent.
You know you're talking before about being like what if you were an undercover cop? Yes.
A spy. Or a diplomat. Or a spy or diplomat, yes. In a slinky dress. Oh, that's cool. Like Mookie Nusigerit. That's what I loved about Keri Russell. Oh, great show! The diplomat. And the Americans. Oh yeah! The Americans where she was a spy.
Oh, she was a Russian spy. Yeah. Dun. Let's just say one day you wake up and you realize that your partner, the person that you love, that you trusted, maybe even have kids with, wasn't real. That your entire relationship and life was based on a lie.
You like that idea. Oh fuck you, get out of my house. There is a new documentary out, and it's called The Undercover Police Scandal, Love and Lies Exposed. This is gonna blow your mind, Emily. I am so afraid! Get this. So this was in the UK, over decades, undercover police infiltrated activist groups, and hundreds engaged in romantic and sexual relationships using fake names and identities. The women only found out the truth years later, some after having kids with these men.
It's a documentary about these women discussing how they were robbed of their autonomy, robbed of free will to love. 100%.
They weren't choosing a real person. They were choosing a character. They were choosing a police operation. They fell in love with these people this one woman for six years She was in a relationship with this man most of her 30s and it has messed her up No shit. Like this one woman was like my boyfriend came to my dad's funeral. He met my family. He was with my family Oh my god, and then she realized later on that he was there Because he was paid to be there.
They made overtime. These police officers were making overtime if they spent the night with these women. What activist groups? Just activist groups. Any? There was no like targeted? Nope. No, it wasn't one of the activist groups. I want to know if cops got what they wanted. Yeah. I want to know what can these women do about it?
They sued. Who? The police department? The police. This sounds like a solid Thursday night watch. I first read it in the Independent, where, and the article is called, My Boyfriend Was an Undercover Cop.
Yeah, it's heartbreaking. Imagine what you've gotta do, though, to Have the cops sick an undercover cop on you. What's her story? Apparently, she's I don't really have one. I guess I was like, an activist, like an environmental activist, but she wasn't doing anything illegal.
But they were like, trying to like, suss out. I guess this is a thing that happens, right? This is a plot straight out of the book Creation Lake. Yes. That we talked about before. Except it was a woman who infiltrated. These are they're called honey traps. The FBI does it, the CIA does Intelligence agencies have been doing this for a long time, where they use seduction as a tactic to get information. Come try me. My name's Icebox. Come get me. But the thing is that legally This feels wrong because spying on activists is already controversial an activist is someone who firmly believes in and waiting for them to do illegal activity. But using intimate relationships as a tactic, it crosses an ethical line. I don't know, really? Yeah, because it's you can't lie to get what you need. I wish the listeners could see my face because Is it unethical? I don't know. Is it a human rights violation? Is it? They infiltrated and they slept with these women. People lie. Yes, they do. About themselves all the time. Yes.
That's true. But these are police officers who are supposed to be abiding by the law. It was about 140 police officers. 140? Huh. I need to, okay. Infiltrating over a thousand different political groups, often using the identities of deceased infants to create their personas. Ew, that's gross.
I know. A, that's a really expensive bit of taxpayer money. Really expensive. Lots of overtime. And I guess I wonder on one side, okay, did they get what they wanted? Was it effective? Was it so helpful in taking down some crazy organization they need?
That's so many of them. And then on the other side, how did the women find out? Huh. And will there be any restitution, recompensation? Revenge. Revenge. There's public outrage. There are legal actions that are happening. And there's ongoing inquiries into police misconduct and the abuse of power.
Am I terrible we all would watch that movie. We all love spy movies. We all watch that. But in those spy movies, there's an evil that they must, I know it's stupid to refer to it to a movie, but in this one, in this story, I'm going what was the evil?
What's the difference between a cop doing it, and like a CIA, or a like CSIS plant, or like a Russian asset, like what's the difference? I would hope that those CIA assets are better trained than the police officers who were given a book about how to mirror.
Which is how they tricked the women into being with them. They did mirroring. Okay. This one woman tells the story of how she found out that her boyfriend she had been with for six years was not her boyfriend. Oh God. They went on a trip together.
And while he was in the shower, she like looked at his passport and noticed that he had a different last name. And she was like that's And then she pushed it aside. And then she did a little bit of research. She had a suspicion. She had a suspicion. To even look at his passport, she had a suspicion.
And then she checked his phone. And his phone had messages from his son. And she's like, you don't have a son? And then she got her friend to look up the name that she saw on the passport. And she was like, yeah, that's a police officer. And that's how they put two and two together.
And then she confronted this partner of six years with a group of people. Not alone, it wasn't one on one. So it blurs the line between surveillance, which I understand is a legal tactic, and personal violation. that's not great. Yeah, anyways, this is the kind of documentary
I'm into. So it's the undercover police scandal. Love and lies exposed. look forward to tuning in. Doesn't that sound great? That does sound great. But also what if the person you loved was just with you to get intel? leave my husband.
He wouldn't let you. He needs more information from you. He's getting a pulse on female rage. 📍 Do you wanna hear the most hilarious thing that I've read?
Yes. In a while. believe in manifesting? I believe in affirmations and being, and gratitude.
yeah, that's nice. Sure. Yep. Is that the same? I loved how you got out of that question. For 30 a month, Okay. You can use this manifestation app. And it's really pitched as get the guy of your dreams.
There's a, an app called To Be Magnetic. It's a manifestation app. Tell me it's not the number two in the letter B. No. Oh, thank God. Oh my gosh. That would be amazing. This woman, she writes about how she really noticed her friend's transformation.
Her friend, was acting really different, and the friend confessed that it's because she was using this 2B magnetic app, which is a manifestation app promising self worth, rewiring through hypnotic, using air quotes, deep imaginings, that would be D. I. An aligned, Actions. It's created by Lacey Phillips, .
TBM blends neuroscience, somatic therapy, and spiritual concepts. And the app gained a devoted following despite criticism of its commercialization and potential harm in revisiting trauma.
According to the site, there are over 25, 000 users of this app at 30 a month. You do the math, ladies.
Some of its 25, 000 users credit To Be Magnetic with life changing manifestations around relationships, financial gains, and emotional growth, while skeptics argue it oversimplifies privilege and sells self improvement. Neuroscientists suggest Manifestation may align with neuroplasticity and habit formation, but results remain subjective.
In the end, the author of the piece reflects on is it mystical belief that drives change or is it intentional action? I guess that's where I'm left with am I going to spend 30 manifestation app? Or are there other habits I There's a reason James Clear's book Atomic Habits, it has been top, it's still top of the charts on all the self help stuff. As a person who, is just more, I like tangible. I think prefer that approach. Yep. I feel like manifestation, yeah, the idea of commercializing it. Yeah. Is another thing. But like, okay, gratitude. You could say that the same thing about gratitude journals. And I'm very pro gratitude journal. That's like a 15 purchase though for A year. Yeah. And I'm, I wouldn't be surprised if there is an app out there that, that allows you to, for 23 a month, write down the things you're grateful for.
And it'll remind you. We pay to be part of a gym. We'd pay to be lifting weights and running, we could literally just go outside. There's a commercialization of being healthy and fit. Good point. It is a whole culture. Look at Erewhon, the L. A. grocery store. Whole Foods.
health absolutely is wrapped up with privilege. Yeah. A pretty privilege bow. So I read that and was just like, that's fucking absurd. But also, if you have 30 that you want to spend on a manifestation app, go fucking nuts.
And if it's going to be 30 that you were going to put towards something that is negative, and you're going, okay, actually, you know what? I'm going to take that 30 a month that I would have normally spent on I don't know. Bad habits. Cigarettes and heroin. You know,
put it towards that,
I guess.
Also, Where do I get coffee now? I love the taste of Starbucks, so fucking Sumi. I like burnt coffee. Tim Horton's we talk about it as the, coffee of choice for Canadians. No, Tim Horton's is not owned by a Canadian company.
I'm so sorry. They will now never sponsor this podcast. What Canadian coffee companies are there?
We need to stop buying Starbucks coffee. How much did this cost you? More than five dollars.
This is two shots of espresso and water. That's what I got. Okay. An Americano. So that's literally watered beans. Yeah, watered beans. Cost you more than five dollars. Yes. Yeah, this for sure, this is watered beans. Someone is going to start to call a coffee now. Bean water.
This plus a tiny bit of steamed milk would for sure be six bucks. That's fucking stupid. We're gonna answer this question because this is critical information.
Alright, so local coffee shops. But you're right we talk about Being careful the tariffs how it's gonna affect us meanwhile.
I'm like gotta get a coffee though, right? We can't buy from Starbucks anymore. No, speaking of money and spending money I stumbled upon this Super sciencey article, of course the headline baited me. It was like The one thing that will help you ensure financial success for your kid. Tell me more. Ah, you don't give a fuck.
I want to know for me. I'm my kid. You're your kid. That's fair enough. There is a study called the Dundon study, great name, which has tracked over a thousand people from birth since 1972. And the results of this study revealed that emotional intelligence or EQ. is the strongest predictor of success in adulthood.
More than IQ, socioeconomic background, or academic performance, EQ is the game. Specifically, cognitive control, or the ability to manage emotions and impulses, correlates strongly with financial stability and overall well being. Which The good news for parents is that EQ is not innate. It can be developed through parenting, education, and early interventions Strategies to foster EQ in children include helping them process emotions, modeling curiosity and empathy, and exposing them to art And literature, Yes. Our argument So prioritizing EQ is as crucial as academic success per That's comforting. It is, especially given all this fucking soft parenting bullshit I keep having to try and do and It's a fascinating experiment as I raise kids to try to parent them in a way that was not modeled before. And now, certainly not saying the way I was parented was wrong. Again, we work with the information we have at the time.
Empathy and curiosity We're probably phrased more like go to school and ask questions and volunteer in your community. Like outward things, not necessarily being curious about another individual or being empathetic toward a bully or Yeah. That wasn't a thing.
No. In how I think our generation was raised. Obviously, I'm generalizing, blah, blah, blah. Got it. And so I feel like I'm having to learn all of these things as well. Sure. And try to model them for my kids and try to help my kids learn. One of my children, we had the opportunity to do these kind of occupational They call it play based therapy. This was just, my very expressive kids, could you imagine my kids are expressive? And the school suggesting this is like a great educational tool. The catch is that you, as a parent, have to sit in there with your kids. And the things that this person is teaching my kids, I'm learning. I didn't know these things. They talk about emotions and they've got these colors and the different categories of when you're feeling this. You're in this color and all these exercises and games. And I was sitting there as a mid 30s parent being like, I had I had no idea. I have two emotions, happy or mad. That's it. And so it was very educational for me. And so when people are like, oh, you just don't like the way we raised you. No, mom and dad, it's not about that. It was, it's this access to different information. Also, I still think I have no idea what I'm doing.
I think it's so arrogant as a parent if you think you know what you're doing. I just am like, huh, okay, good for you. Your kids are lovely. They look people in the eye. They speak. Two adults. My son wiped shit on the wall the other day, so let's not. Okay, he was like, it was a messy poo.
And then I like went up in their bathroom and it was just like, he just decided to use the wall. Kids are just so dumb. Yeah, like soft brain, soft brain. So mushy. Still a bit soft. I had someone ask a question the other day that, Blew my mind and they asked, are you your family? Whoa. Yeah.
Am I my family? Am I a result of my family? Oh, this is the thing. Oh, yes. What do they mean by that? Okay. We're having this discussion where it was like, if let's say you woke up one morning and everything your family ever taught you, and I'm talking maybe about like your parents, your siblings.
Everything your family ever taught you every habit, every belief, even the way you laugh. If that was all gone, who would you be? Like, would you still be you? Or no, are we just slightly remixed versions of our family, of our friends, you are the people and experiences you have. Like, I think it goes back to the nature versus nurture conversation.
You're going to get Both. Yeah, like there's genetics and biology where like you're gonna inherit certain qualities, physical qualities, but then you're also gonna inherit temperaments, tendencies mental health risks and then there's also like your personality is shaped like not only genetics, but also your environment.
So here's my Immediate response, which now I'm going to think about this for days, I am definitely my family and I moved away half my life ago, so I am my family and I've continued to evolve with other influences. Yeah.
When I go home to visit now. You feel different? You feel like the other, the outsider? So I always felt the other. Okay. For what, I have no idea why. This is not like a boohoo, woe is me, I definitely notice how I am, my family is much more pronounced when I go back to visit. Even the way I speak my accent, the, which I don't have when I speak with you. Nope. My emotional instability when I'm there versus how steady I feel on my feet here. visiting them brings up a lot of the past.
I asked my mom this once when I went home. I was like, I must just still be 17 to you. And she was like, yep. When I go home Who and how I am as my family is very pronounced and how I've continued to be shaped by my later in life experiences and people and ideas.
I agree with you. I think it's a mix.
Someone asked the question when we were
talking about this of when do you stop being your family? Like, when did you stop?
And I was like, I don't think I ever stopped. When I moved, first I just moved a little
bit away
and then
I moved
across the country. When I was 18 and I moved out, that was the first time I started being like, okay, who am I? even now to this day, as a woman in my forties, I still see myself as part
of
the unit of four
in my family, in my
original family. Yeah, when you said, are you your family? I did not think of my partner and kid. I, huh, I thought of like there was a little girl in me that was like, Yeah, so deeply influenced by it. But
I also think
a family can warp and change. I look at my, I've talked about them before, my three amazing sister in laws. I have three brothers and they've come in and added their layers of opinions and perspectives and complexities into the picture. And now there's these grandkids who are a part of it.
What do you think is a trait of yours that? is super pronounced, that you're like, this is a result of the way my family is.
Oh, my mom listens to the podcast, she'll forgive you, maybe. This one's for you, Jill. Comedy. No. Oh, no. My parents think
they're
funny, but , they're not. One thing that I have from my family I think it's in the way that I sigh or in the way that I'll, hold my hand sometimes with my thumb tucked in, that's my mum.
I've definitely walked into my parents office saying hi, greeting, speaking, and one of the staff was like, Oh, you gesture just like your mother. fuck. Yeah, that's an interesting thing too.
There's things when I growl at my kids. They say, you sound like grandpa. Wait, do you growl at your kids? When I'm like, door! Close the door! Cause you've asked nicely. You've asked a second time. Oh my fucking god, I can't express. And now you're growling.
I'm not a yeller, I'm a growler. What else? I'm like my dad in the sense that I'll talk to anybody. Really sweet. I can talk to anybody, and my mom is one of the least selfish people in the entire world that I had to almost unlearn that. She's a teacher, right? She's a teacher. She's a teacher. She's the eldest of. for, she is the matriarch, she is the glue, and I wish she
was more
selfish. So you had to learn to be selfish.
Oh yeah, I think compared to my parents I'm very selfish. I think a lot of daughters would relate to what you just said, regardless of how they're own mother was, just the pressure we put on ourselves to be awesome at all the things.
I think that's why there's such a movement of like, self care and do it for you, that kind of thing. Yeah, my first praise as a kid was, I remember it being like, you're very smart and you're very good. Oh, yeah. Be good, right? Be good. Be smart. Yeah. So what I liked about this question was that it made me question all of those things.
And it made me realize that whether you like it or not, you are your family, whether you don't speak to them anymore, whether you share DNA or not, whether you like it or not, you are affected by your family, but you get to choose how much of that you take with I think you get to choose some.
Yeah, there's some pretty deep rooted stuff
I will say what I because I have been misinterpreted so many times in a large family. I speak loudly and clearly until someone fucking hears me because no one ever shut up in my house. And I want to be heard.
It's so interesting because I attract only
children
as
friends.
or oldest
daughters.
I'm not joking. Over time, if you look at it, it's ridiculous. my theory is because I had to acquiesce so much to my brothers, I'm pretty at ease about a lot of things.
I'm
very decisive when I need to be, but if there's no expectation that I am the one who's making a decision, I absolutely don't give a fuck, which annoys people sometimes.
And they're like, can you just make a decision? Can
you make
a plan? You're like, not on this thing. But I find
that
With those types, with the only children or the eldest daughters, or my A type friends, which is literally my entire friend group I just mentioned because it works. It is a good dynamic. I will, even if I make a plan, they'll change
the plan.
So I don't care. I'm just like, I'm not attached to this. Because I was so used to like, whatever the boys want to do. Do you think I got to watch what I wanted on TV,
ever?
I doubt it. No! No. With three brothers? Do you know how much Hockey Night in Canada I watch? All of it. Every morning, TSN all the sports highlights.
Yeah. I know hockey inside out. I've never played it in my life. wrestling? Oh. Oh, God. You could make a reference to WWF, and I'd be like, Yes, I know that person. Or I could describe their costume. Any of that stuff. No, that's the difference of three brothers versus one little brother.
And that's what I mean when I say you are your family. I think there's some good that comes from that. I think there's some bad that comes from that. Also we can be like them, but we also respond in opposition to some things that if someone is so firmly rooted or your parents are one way, I think a lot of people will try and be the 180 of that.
Yep. Yes, really good. Good question to consider. I don't feel this way, but I've heard people say I am nothing
like my right? People who are like
actively living in contrast, right? That is a choice that some people make a rebellion, try to live in contrast to certain facets of my family.
And it is impossible. Yeah, it's impossible. And it really drives me nuts when they're like, you're exactly like I'm not! No I'm not! I'm not! I'm the opposite! It's like, oh my god. Yeah, but when it comes to ancestors, I would be, I would love if someone was like, you're just like your grandma Glenn. I'd be like, You know what I mean?
Like there's, it's good if the person is like, an exemplary human being, but it sucks if the person's a fucking bitch.
But also,
shouting this in the microphone, but like, I pride myself on my bitchiness. Sure. It takes that now in the world. I am kind, generous, thoughtful, very forgetful, but I will be a fucking bitch and I will fight.
And it's like the bitchiness is a part of the loyalty. I am so devoted to my people that if you come for them, I will fuck you up.
I
like that. And I'm not used to conflict. So I think Emily's mad at me right now.
One of the things
I
like about our friendship, our new friendship, is that you challenge me in a way that I don't get a lot of. Oh, really? Yeah. So when we first started talking this morning, you asked me a question about something that I'm very passionate about I react in a certain way. What
happens to my body,
your neck turned red.
Yep. Your hands start waving. Yep. Your breathing rate increased, and you were visibly not loving me asking you
questions about it.
But you were answering. But I was. I didn't feel like you put up a wall. I didn't feel like a wall went up either. You also were very clear. I was like, do you want to talk about this?
on the podcast. And you
were
like, no. And then I just kept asking questions. That's okay! But it's interesting to see how my body reacts, even though my mind
is
happy to talk about it. I can't help it, but that's what I want to get past that moment where my body goes, Oh, you're stupid. You don't know what you're talking about.
You don't. So I'm going to stop you right there. You don't need to get through that. That is a very normal reaction that your brain is signaling to your body to do those things. , but I don't want to live in that space.
I want to get through it in the sense where it's like, Okay, I'm having to talk about something that I'm passionate about. Okay, I'm noticing that, you know what it is when you go red? You've stopped breathing. Yeah. Oh, I envy the people who are so chill in their responses. Me too. I don't have that. But I want to work on that.
When someone starts asking you about something you also can take a
minute
and not respond. That's crazy. No, it's not. In my mind, you just said that and I went, Emily, you're not allowed to do that. You have to keep conversation flowing. Do you know who is fucking great at that?
And I try to emulate it all the time is my dad. I could ask him a question and he
won't
For two minutes, which is a long time, this is permission for you to say, You know what? I need to collect my thoughts. Give me
a minute.
Check your phone, do whatever go to the sink and rinse a dish, have a sip of your coffee, think it through,
take a beat.
You are not obligated in any conversation to reply immediately. That is insane. That is a PSA right there. We're in this culture of bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah. You get to collect your thoughts and you're going to have such a better, more thorough, meaningful reply to the question that was posed to you I will also then enjoy the conversation. And the person can Wait I'm gonna practice that this week and I'll get back to you and see how it worked for me to say, let me collect my thoughts.
Do you think because sometimes we often don't get heard at a table as women that we That I have now told myself that if I don't respond now, I'll never get a chance.
Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I definitely feel that. I am going to a dinner tonight with three extremely smart women. And the last time we went, you know me, I left the dinner and was like apologizing via text because I'm an interrupter. It takes a lot of work for me to shut the fuck up.
But I want to learn from them, they're so intelligent, And they're politically involved on top of their super genius professions. I'm the type of person, I could not say anything tonight
at dinner,
and in three days I will have developed
a reply.
And I think that's okay. A thing I need to get over is I don't necessarily have to be an active Yeah. So where you're saying, if we don't speak up now, we'll never get to say our piece. There's always room to say our piece
after.
Yeah. when I argue with my partner, people say, don't go to bed angry.
I actually am all for going to bed angry. I'm absolutely for going to bed angry. Because then by the morning, I'm chill. We have our coffee. We solve world peace in the morning. And everybody's calm. Everybody's been like, Oh, that is much less of a big issue than I thought it was. Yeah. Also, oh, I'm not actually upset about that thing. I'm upset about this thing. okay. Take the time. We do everything so rushed now. Yeah. That's my hot take. How the fuck did we get there? This is why I'm very glad to be Gen
X.
Are you Gen X? Millennial Gen X.
You're very Gen X to me. I'm very Gen X, yeah. Because apparently Gen X is having the best sex of their life. Gen X's? Women. In Gen X are having the best sex of their lives.
I'm going to say this and I'm going to get shot for it Half of them got divorced. It's interesting. Tell me, oh, is this like a news? This is a segment? This is a segment. Ooh! Tell me! So this is an article that I read in the New York Times. I also got a suggestion on Netflix.
women living their best lives. Is that? Kind of
movies.
Oh, that's a good category. Yes. I love aspirational content. I
do,
too. And these, you know, movies talking about middle aged women. What's middle age? 40? 50? Yeah, I'd say 45 to 58. 58 is middle? That's, for me, it is. Jesus. I would say middle age is 45 to 55.
That's not fair that there's only 10 years in middle
age.
Life's
not fair.
Keep going. so this is a quote from the
article.
Last year brought not one but two movies in which an accomplished, tastefully dressed Nicole Kidman, at the age of 57, has a sexual affair with a much younger man. Oh yeah, she made two of those movies. And one in which an accomplished, tastefully dressed Laura Dern, also 57, does the same. Oh, but also there was the idea of you with Anne Hathaway.
That kicked it all off. Oh, that's right. Yeah. But Anne Hathaway is still
in her forties.
We're talking about 57 year old Nicole Kidman and Laura Dern. I see. Actresses. Okay. In literature, the 56 year old actor Gillian Anderson put out Want. The collection of female sexual fantasies that she wrote.
Yes, the pink book. Then there's Glynis McNicol, who's 50, who wrote I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself. That was one of my favorite memoirs that I read this summer. really good. Yeah, she goes to Paris. I highly recommend it. I'll link to it in the show notes. Yeah, because we weren't doing the podcast that
month.
it was a very fun read. It's about a woman who goes to Paris to get laid. Yeah. Yeah. Will Travel for Dick. Absolutely. or That's the title of your book. Will Travel for Dick. Yeah. No, my title will be Other Duties as Assigned.
Have you ever read more by Molly Roden Winter? It's a salacious book about her open
marriage.
She's in her fifties. And of course there was Miranda July's blockbuster novel, All Fours. Oh my God. ladies. We got some good spring reading to do. Yeah. The New York Times called All Fours, The first great perimenopausal novel. It's a bit on hinge, and I highly recommend it if you just need to inject some crazy into TBR pile. This is to say that women in their 40s and 50s are having this great sexual time. And they're saying this is a quote
she said,
Returning to plentiful sex in my late 40s felt weirdly intuitive, like hearing an old favourite song, and finding that of course I still knew all the words.
Did she get divorced, She
got divorced.
She said there were new frills when I had sex. I'd cook decadent meals, I'd always Bought absurd lingerie.
Pretended that I always had Japanese whiskey hanging around. But I also found that I was better at sex. And this was only because I was older. I had fewer inhibitions, fewer hang ups, and more self love than I did as a taut
24 year old.
And the culture of sex in the 2020s felt more exploratory, more forgiving. She says, The date rapes and creepy professors that filled my 1990s were
gone.
The workplace harassment and idiotic full Brazilians that were peered into my 2000s were over.
The fear of pregnancy was
vanished.
As was the pressure to land a partner to make
babies with.
Everything that remained felt like a privilege. There was desire and there was the ability to fulfill it. Fuck yeah. I love that. Maybe you're still too young, Emily. This is what I'm saying. You're still in your 30s So this isn't for you. Your sexual awakening isn't gonna be until your 40s, it's interesting just to see that like all these sexual encounters and sexual stories that are being told about women in their 50s it's this thing to look forward to as a woman because Other than menopause, I haven't been told much about what's ahead.
So this is a nice carrot. Do you think that this type of, let's call it sexual awakening that you're reading about, do you think that this has always been the case, but now we're more, because the examples that you gave were all books. Or movies. . That those types of books can now be published and that those types of movies and shows can be made.
Is that allowing what already existed to come out in the open, or is it giving permission to repressed desire or permission
to go be horny?
Great question. Is it there because it's always been there and we just haven't heard about
it,
or are we talking about it more and then people are going like I'm gonna do that.
Maybe both. Maybe both. This is not to do with sex, but it's like the movie, it's the best exotic Marigold hotel. Oh yeah. It's about a bunch of women um, Dame Judi Dench, Maggie Smith Dev Patel.
Yeah. Hit it. This group of girlfriends go on vacation together and they're in their seventies and eighties. And they have this wonderful awakening. It isn't sexual, well for one of them it is, it's a Helen Mirren, get it but it's about this awakening. that's the first instance that I remember thinking about an awakening for a woman.
I have not. until I'm 70 to have an awakening. I want to be fucking wide awake today. No, but what if there are many awakenings? Is what I'm saying, in your 40s and 50s, a sexual awakening. In your 60s and 70s, there is a more spiritual awakening.
I would hope so.
That's a fun idea to think about. I love all those movies. I think it's, it gives us something to hope for. Maybe it's hope that is the fun part.
Yeah. That in the harder days, aspirational. Yeah. You were talking about, not worrying about having kids. Last
week.
In episode 25, you brought up Gen Z trying natural birth control methods, after we talked about that, I was flipping through have a long list of magazines, books, journals, blogs
and One that blew my mind was this idea of a young woman opting to have a fallopian tube removal. She had a lifelong disinterest in motherhood. and her fear of losing personal freedom. My favorite part about where we
are
in life is you
don't have to get
married.
You don't have to get kids. You get to choose that. And I think that is just thank God we got there because it wasn't that long ago. Your only chance of economic survival was marriage. And so really glad that we're there this woman discovered the option of a tubal removal. Ha. Which is called a Less funny. I'm sure I'm saying that wrong. I prefer tubal removal. Tubal removal. Fallopian tubal removal. Through this book called Women Without Kids by Ruby Warrington.
she was very frustrated that such an effective, low risk birth control method isn't widely known. I had no idea that was a birth control method. Nor I. And then of course, as a young woman, everyone says, Are you sure? Are you sure you don't want kids? You'll change your mind. Good God.
She's an intelligent woman. Like, why can't we just let women think what they want? On the flip side, she'll deal with the consequences of
her actions
later if she needs to. Don't worry about it. After years of struggling with traditional contraception, She decided to pursue the procedure, despite warnings that doctors may be reluctant to approve it because she was so young. How young, do you know? In her early thirties.
They were
like, are you sure? Because they were like, are you sure? But to her, this is my happy part of the story, to her surprise, her doctor supported her decision and she successfully underwent the surgery in May 2024.
Good. And so she wrote this piece because she was, angry that more people didn't know about it. Now, there was something in it that really shocked me. thEre's a significantly reduced risk of ovarian cancer. Stop. Especially compared with after tubal litigation or getting your tubes tied. So this is different than getting your tubes tied. This is the fallopian tube removal
The tubes aren't attached to the ovaries. No, which is I learned that last year. I learned that last year. But
I just want to say too this is why we have this fucking podcast, because We don't know everything. There's so much stupid shit we should know, but we don't.
Figuring it out. Yeah. Wow. Good to know that's an option too. Because it's true birth control, like hormonal birth control is
rough.
It's
rough rough or it can be helpful and
great.
That's right. But it's powerful is what
I'm saying.
And then you don't have
a baby
by accident.
Yeah, which I'm all for, There's all kinds of different birth control methods. Yeah. I didn't even hear about this. I've never heard about it before. So I
thought
that was really cool to read about.
So I'll link to the article, which of course also sources all the stats and facts. The subheader was this woman got her tubes removed and she found it really liberating.
And,
from her perspective, with reproductive health care at risk in the
States,
she felt like that was the best option for her.
I think that's very smart. If there are updates on this, I think we will obviously bring it up. And if you do have any doctor friends who let you know facts about this, I would love to hear more. Or if
you've done it. If
you've done it,
I'd
love to hear. Yeah, I want to hear about it. Yeah. I'm so quick to poo poo Gen
Z.
Why
is that? I fucking love Gen Z. I do too. And then when you tell me these stories, I was cool. I think it's because Gen Z in my mind is a generation of young people that I'm seeing move more and more to the
right.
And I was reading about it because I was like, are they or aren't they? I'm seeing more and more of it.
And actually it's true. And it's because of COVID. Now I'm not saying all
of Gen Z,
but it's interesting to see how a new generation of people are more conservative.
It's young men of Gen Z that are more conservative. In fact, they're more conservative than millennials were at that age for sure. So they compared it to millennials at that age versus young men, gen Z
at that
age.
And at first, I'm like, maybe that's just youthful contrarianism. Because every generation rebels against something, right? In the 60s, it was against conservatism. In the 80s and 90s, it was against corporate greed. And now, the Gen Z rebellion, it seems, is The dominant ideology of being progressive.
So rebellion would be to lean right. No, they haven't been red pilled. It just makes me think about like incel culture and 4chan and all that kind of stuff. But it's recently with COVID, like COVID is going to define this generation, specifically
of men.
When I saw that this was a trend and I was curious why, because of COVID, and when you look into it, it's true, right? There is, there's more
of a
rebellion to progressive thinking. There's an. I hate to even say this, I'm using air quotes, anti woke sentiment.
And social media has created space for right leaning and, you know. Uh
huh.
Free speech! I just thought it was heartbreaking when I thought about how COVID has affected a distrust in institutions. With COVID People right away were like, that was the first time in my adult life I remember people
being like
screw
the government,
with the
lockdowns,
with public health messages, censorship look at our, our laws here in Canada, we can't read the goddamn news on the internet.
yes. You can read
it on
the internet, you can't read it on specific social media platforms. It's
there on the internet.
Sure. Yes, it's harder to find. You have to go to that webpage and read that newspaper. You can't share an article with someone. It makes it harder. It takes away the benefit of Social media, which is widespread sharing.
And more clicks for publishers. And I know that you're saying it's men and women, but it is, more Gen Z women do lean left than Gen Z men
do.
The article says some people are blaming modern feminism. Let's blame the women for the men's actions, shall we? Dating struggles. Have you met yourselves? You guys call Sidney Sweeney mid. Fuck off. Yeah. they said there's a lack of traditional male role models. What's a traditional male role model?
These Gen Zers, they will be the next generation to vote. So is that going to affect us politically? Or is it really just in a social media wormhole that we're seeing this? The effects will be, if we think about it, they're short, mid, long term.
Short term. There's more permission to be douche nuggets online and say absolutely atrocious that will, you will not get banned or blocked or restricted or whatever. So that will also drive
up.
The opposite end reacting.
Midterm,
these folks are going to start voting, there's going to be a huge drop off
of
our demographic of olds. Boomers , with their time, will come to an end. Yep. the longterm, The big risk is that because the far right would have a voice or platforms or influence, that they will also so many more to that but That is politics. If you don't like that view, you better be able to articulate a response or a better reason that your point of view is better.
That goes for both sides. is figuring it out, left up, down, doesn't matter. And you don't agree, then you need to get off your ass, stop fucking whining about it. And say actually, here's my position, or here's why that's bad. And keep voting people in go vote.
The number of people who do not vote is astounding. and we need to change that. I think we need to continue to remind people about the importance of voting. The fact that you get to vote, that you have a right to vote that may be taken away. Keep voting. Going to the polls. And that's why this article from the Atlantic, about like understanding the Gen Z shift, wondering is it just a rebellion that happens? This is a thing. Is it a shift? It
is
Bullshit. Wages are stagnant.
These kids have to live with their parents for ever, or work four jobs to afford a rental where they can have one room and five roommates. They're never going to save for a house, everything is so incredibly expensive.
add in a phone addiction, add in the degradation of the educational systems that we've long relied on. It's a mess. Yeah. I can see why a young person is.
trying to find a group of people who seem like they have energy, anger, rage, and want to make a difference. Yeah. I can totally see why a young person would want to do that. Student debt is They're drowning in it.
Housing is unaffordable.
If they even
had the privilege to go, if they could get the loan. Did he cover any of that in the article? Of of the why people? Yeah. This isn't working. No, and that is what I have to stay curious about because we were joking where it's like they got red pilled and you're like I think that's too easy to just other them because We also have to ask the question, are they more conservative or are they just less progressive
than expected?
Blaming shit on women is that's
a don't even
start with that. If you lump it in that they're just blaming women, we're ignoring the other issues, which is they're not as trusting to government.
It's not women hating. That's a headline that I get the most 📍 clicks. I want to add some levity here. I wrote my latest ins and outs list. You ever do this? Oh, I love that. I've seen them, but I've never
done them.
It's a fun exercise. I enjoy doing them because I'm a fucking loser. So I wanted to read you a few Can you not talk about my friend that way?
Sorry, I am really negative self talk. Do you know what's out? Definitely on here I put negative self talk. Yep, it's on
my out list.
Great, good. Do as I say, not as I do. Yes. Alright, do you want me to go in, out, in, out, or just ins? Give me a few of your ins. You want ins? Ins.
Middle fingers up. milk, flat white. Wearing the nice Don't save them for the special occasion. Wear Blocking people. I've had to learn that in our endeavors as popular people on the internet. Arugula. Slow, slow, Slow morning. That's the point of these. They're supposed to be funny.
I like them. Slow mornings. Single tasking. Oh, took me a while to even understand that term. I know. I don't know if it's a real term, but I made it up, and I'm sure somebody else has already made it up. I'm really good at single tasking. Out is multi tasking. Multi tasking is a lie. Good. Probiotics.
Take your probiotics, people. Also your vitamin D. We're two weeks out from spring. Keep going. In giving a shit about people. In for me, is going into my inbox, select all.
Archive
all.
It is a savage move. Voice notes. So we talked about voice notes on the podcast last week. And then I went back to link to Rainsford Stauffer's article that she wrote in Time
Magazine.
And there's so much hate in the comments on the Time Instagram account. People were like, I hate voice notes, I hate voice notes.
And of course the only people who are commenting on our Instagram post about it, or are real about it, are like, Fuck voice notes. And I'm like, no, voice notes are in. I don't care what you say. Also, this is my list. There is a highlighter stick called Chanel Balm Essential it is a very good highlighting stick.
It's in. Very in. The Cobb Salad Have you had it? No. So those of you in Vancouver, go to for lunch and have the Cobb Salad. It is awesome. Amazing. I love a Cobb salad. Oh, it's so good. I can't even express. I've never seen one made that way.
So big fan. Also in female rage, still in Sia Gray's new album. We talked about Sia I just had to put that on there. I also added working like Adele, she just like works her balls off and then she fucking disappears. Like you guys, flowers don't bloom all year. I literally went what's Adele?
see, good way to work. Canadian tuxedos. I put this on my personal Instagram Kia's typing and Kate's
is Yes. They're both linked
bottom of the notes somewhere. I don't know. But somebody wrote, when I wrote Canadian Tuxedo, they're like, Canadian tuxedos are always in.
I know. That's why I put it on the fucking list. Hence in. Strength training. Ladies, you need to be lifting weights. Burning it all on cardio is not going to help you change your body. It doesn't help you in the aging process. It doesn't help with Alzheimer's. Strength training does. Do it. Coffee dates, but make it a walk and talk.
Yeah, very in. Especially as it's like a little lighter outside. In creative hobbies, go do stuff like pottery, or go to a painting class, or get a fucking paint by numbers, learn how to crochet, , have a hobby that isn't monetized or just read a book, that's fine too.
Okay, very in for stretching before bed. Can I tell you how old my body feels at the end of the day? Yeah, I just do five minutes of stretching a little full body thing I think is the super intentional slow deep breaths. I sleep like the dead. Have you tried stretching in the morning? Three stretches in the morning.
That's it. Oh, that's nice. I do in my slow
mornings
I do a little like a little movement. I work out
in the mornings.
Yeah. 540. Oh, I know. I got your text this morning, Jesus Christ. And then finally, my last in for this month is telling your friends you
love them.
Just tell them you love them. You know what?
I catch them so off guard sometimes. I tell my male friends too, like my wife, my, my wife's husbands. You know what? They are my wives. My wife's husband's, I will tell them I love them, they're like the chosen family.
So I
think that's in.
Of course, I'll end on the negatives. All
the outs.
Caring more about celebrity culture than your local politics. Out. I think it's out, guys. We are talking way too much about Justin Baldoni and Lively and not enough about politics. Politics are going to influence and impact your life.
Sorry, the celebrities are not. Out. Out. Nonstick pants. get ready to scrub. Non stick pans are generally toxic. Don't
use them.
I heard you say non stick pants. Non stick pants. And I went, I am really behind. Fuck those too. That sounds terrible. You'll like this one, although maybe you won't.
Out for me, rules. Fuck being polite and civil and being a good girl. Fuck that. You're crazy Out whining get off your ass and do something about it Yes, if you don't like it change it that is She told me that when I was 13 and whining because my mom wouldn't let me paint my room and I've never forgotten it I say it to myself All.
The. Time. Thank you, Anne Joanne. Out. Mesh flats. The people who said those were in, I never got it because your feet get dirty. They were like a big thing last spring and summer. No. It's not happening. No. Out. Overthinking. Doom scrolling. Spinach. I had to have something to contrast the arugula. Also negative self talk. Oh, I should have put that on the top of the list. I gotta get on that. Whoopsie daisy. Hustle culture. Again, this is like the work like a doll
thing.
I do think opting out of hustle culture is a I do remember working. I had to work four jobs at I remember. But how long do you do that for? It's not sustainable. I would die if I did it now. It wouldn't work. Out. You're gonna hate me for this one.
Road
rage.
It's aspirational. So you want there to be no rules and no road rage? I guess I should have elaborated on the rules. I meant stop self restricting. Oh yeah, like rules, like you're supposed to. Yeah, shoulds, shoulds. Personal No more instant gratification. Very out. Very out. Good things come to Out as I stare at my phone. Phone habits and then I put slash addiction. Bedrotting. You guys, Rock Girl Winter is almost over. But we're not bedrotting. Rest on the couch. Lie
on the
floor. Walk somewhere. People did not like that one either. They were like, you can pry bedrotting from my dead hands. My rotten dead hands.
But I do love a good, I love to be
in my bed.
This is, again, this is a personal list out trauma dumping. Like putting your shit on somebody else without, just with no purpose other than dumping it.
Get a journal. Skipping SPF. Very out. You need it. Every
day.
Being a snob. Out. I know. I made the snob face. It's mostly because my daughter was being a snob to me, and I was like you're being a snob. You're out. Yeah. Out. Multitasking. We're done. Multitasking's
a lie.
Selfishness. You can do the whole self care thing and also give back to your around you. This one is very much for me. Out is not calling them
back.
Oh, I could,
yeah, I gotta text people back. Oh, the worst. Oh, boy. I need to do it. So those are my ins and outs. I like that.
Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna make an ins and outs 📍 list.
📍 friends, we're done here for this week. Please click subscribe or follow or whatever the little button says so that you don't miss any of the
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Have a great week everyone. Bye. You're funny. You're