The 3 Core Beliefs Needed to Create Growth and Change

Join us in the next round of 90 Day U Turn starting May 6th. 

www.90DayUTurn.com 

Transcript

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Hey, hey, hey, you guys. Welcome back to Coaching for Coaches. My name is Denise Walsh. And today I am super excited to connect with you because we are going to talk about three foundational beliefs that Dream Life coaches have that literally separate us from the pack and make our work so much more transformational. At the end, be sure to stay till the end. I'm going to share with you a story of a time when I went through a like a own my own coaching program. I said yes to a weekend retreat, and it left me a bit traumatized. You need to hear what not to do as a coach as well. So, as you probably know, I'm a former clinical psychologist, turned dream life coach, and I've spent the past 20, 25 years helping people to create a life they love. And what I found is that this process includes two things. Number one, we do want to process the past. We want to bring the darkness to light. We want to release any of the, you know, limiting beliefs, the negative stories, the things that just aren't true and aren't helpful anymore. We want to put the quote blame where it deserves to be, right? On the perpetrator and not on you as a victim. There's a lot of processing that we do want to do in order to release and let go and grow through our past. Now, this is where therapy and counseling differ from coaching. What I found in the therapy world is that we were often working with people who were in that acute crisis. And so there was a lot of past trauma work. We were talking about what happened versus what's happening. And so here at Dream Life Coaching, we do a little bit of both. We create the space for that processing to happen because it needs to, but we don't stop there. We truly then ask ourselves, all right, well then what's next? Who do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to have? What, what are the God's gifts that He innately gave me that I can double down on, that I can own, that I can continue to lean into, you know? And what I find is that when we ask ourselves these introspective questions of who am I and what do I want? And what does my dream day look like? And what is my dream business? And we really focus in on where we want to go, we are naturally drawn to it. And so at Dream Life Coaching, we do a little bit of both, right? Um, but there's this foundational culture that holds the space for us to do it. And that's what I want to talk through with you today, because I've been a part of coaching programs that do not hold these tenets to heart. And it makes a big difference on the space for growth allowed. So, all right, let me let me just start with number one. The first tenant, the first belief that dream life coaches carry is that you, my friend, are not broken. You're not broken. People often come to us feeling a bit discouraged, right? They don't get to coaching um on their first try. Like they've probably tried other things in the past. They might have some lost some hope. They might be discouraged. They might have kind of tried all the things and now they're reaching out for help as a last-ditch effort. And they come to us feeling sometimes a little bit less than, unworthy, frustrated, disappointed. You know, they don't come to us always chipper, because that's just the nature of coaching. People come to us when they feel like they need support. And so there can be this element of feeling not good enough or feeling some sh some sort of way, right? About maybe they're 45, 65, 25, and they shouldn't be here yet, or they shouldn't have, they should be farther along, right? There's all these shoulda, coulda, woulda's that pop up. And so, needless to say, new clients sometimes come into the coaching space feeling like they wish life were different, you know, and there's some disappointment there. But as coaches, our premise is you know, they're already awesome. They're already awesome, they are not broken. You you did the best that you could with the information you had at that time, and now that you know better, you'll do better. And like, let's let's go because we believe in you and we believe in you three steps ahead of maybe where you even see yourself. There's this element of you will rise to meet that expectation. We regardless of your past, regardless of any past hurts that you may have experienced or mistakes that you've made, there's no judgment here because you're not broken. And we think all things kind of lead to Rome, right? You can learn from those things and move forward, and and you don't need to help be held hostage to them. I've done this work not only with business leaders, um, but with trauma and trafficking survivors. And what I found is that sometimes when there's um child essay in the past or there's trauma or grief or a loss of a loved one, when you're a child, we can take on that ownership like it's our own. So, for example, we've learned all throughout our lives, right? That what can go right or no, good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. So when something bad happens to us, especially as a child, we can own that and say, well, maybe that means I'm bad. And that underlying belief penetrates everything that we do. And so when you step into dream life coaching, we don't see you through the lens of your past trauma. We don't see you through the lens of shoulda, coulda, woulda, done that differently. Why didn't you? No, no, no. We see you through the lens of how great you already are, the gifts and talents that God has given you, the healing you've already done, the fact that you said yes to 90-day you turn or the certification programs means you're on your growth journey. And we believe that when we see you through the lens of how awesome you already are, you will start to believe it too. Now, if it were easy, you'd already be there, right? That's it, which is why we want to step into new communities where we can then start hearing these things and absorb that new belief ourselves. So, number two, the second belief that new uh that dream life coaches hold is that you already have everything you need. Now, you may need to learn some skills, right? For example, if you have a goal of running a marathon and you've never run before, then we'll talk about right what shoes you should wear and how to get a running training plan that tells you the game plan of running one mile and three miles and 10 miles or whatever. Like you don't just go run a marathon the first time because you want to. You prepare, you build your strength, you learn the skills, you shift your priorities, you put running on your calendar, you know, you do things differently because you have this new goal. But you already have the capacity for it, you already have the capability for it. You just might need some training, you just might need a plan, you just might need some accountability when things get tough. And so that's what we provide at Dream Life Coaching. We know you're already awesome and you're not broken. You already have everything that you need. It's just a matter of clarity and direction and accountability. And when you have that, like two plus two doesn't equal four anymore. You know what I mean? It equals, it equals 10, it equals 20. Things start to compound. In fact, I've already seen people who've said yes to this next round of 90-day U turn, which starts on Wednesday. Um, they have already started to see shifts in their life. Why? Because of the decision to participate, number one. Most of the time we're living in wishy-washy land, you know, second guessing land, one step forward, two steps back. And when you're in wishy-washy land, nothing changes. So just making the decision to be a part of 90-day U-turn, things start to shift energetically around you, energetically in your space. We're seeing that even before week one, people are going through the week one's content and they're sharing in our group, like, oh my gosh, the house started to show up for me already. This next step, I'm I'm clear on what I want. And then this opportunity came. Things are already happening. And then because of the content, because once you've made that decision and then you open up the doors energetically, the content gives you the path to follow to keep the process going, you know? And so in week one, we take an inventory in all seven areas of our life, plus our dream life pathway. We scale on a one scale of one to ten. We get our baseline, we really start like we decide what area, like we get really crystal crystal clear. And um, and you're given these exercises to help you unlock what's next. It's not just a group to talk about our past. This is not just a group to talk about numbers, you know, how much do you want to make, or how many clients do you want to sign up? Like, yeah, that's a piece of it. That's the part of the goal potentially that you might have. But it's deeper than that. We're becoming the person who does X, Y, Z, right? Which is through these beliefs. You are not broken, you already have everything you need. And then the third belief that we really hone in on is that in order to be brave and courageous, which means doing something new, getting outside your comfort zone, you need to feel safe. We combine this energy of safe and brave. When you feel safe, you are more courageous. You do harder things. When you know that you have a group that believes in you, that wants the best for you, and you're coming back week after week to share your progress, you will do more than you will on your own. You just will. That's the motivational psychology piece. This mirroring, this merging of being safe, feeling safe gives you the capacity to be brave, step outside your comfort zone and try new things. So that culture, that climate of you already being awesome, of you already having everything that you need. Maybe you just need a roadmap, maybe you just need accountability, maybe you need to learn some new skills, but you personally are already good enough. We create this energy of high belief in you. And when we have these high expectations of you in this most beautiful way, you rise up to meet it. I learned this when I was a camp counselor. In fact, I had a girl, I don't remember what she got in trouble for, but she got in trouble at camp. And she we were picking up trash as her punishment. So, I mean, I was in college at this time. I did not berate her or give her a lecture while we were picking up trash. We were just picking up trash as her punishment. And after that half an hour, I said to her, girl, we just want to have fun with you. Like, this is a place to have fun. We know that you want to have fun too. So, like, no need to mess around or whatever she was doing, throwing rocks, I don't know. But let's make this a good week, okay? Because I believe in you and I believe that you're capable of doing that. And what totally shocked me in my little college brain, 20 some years old, was like instead of feeling less than when being called out, she rose to meet that expectation. Why? Because I was telling her she was already good enough. I didn't berate her identity by saying things like, you should be doing this better. Come on, you know, I said, No, no, no, no, girl, this is for you to have fun. Let's have fun this week. You're better than this, like you've got this. She held my hand walking from activity to activity. She had sat next to me at chapel, like this little girl, followed me around, and she rose to meet that expectation because I believed in her first. And that's the culture that we set here at Dream Life Coaching. I have learned in my 20, 25 years of working with people is that when they feel safe, people plant their roots and they start to grow. Now, let me tell you about the traumatic experience I had when I did a coaching program. Um, it was a weekend retreat, um, just online. And so I thought, yeah, I'll do it. I'm always game to learn. I often like being the guest so that way I can see what other people do and you know, can take what works for me or adopt things. And so I was like, yeah, sure, I'll be a part of it. And uh the premise of this group was none of the things that I just said. The foundation of this particular coaching program was in order for you to be your best self, you need the next course. And so every single like interaction was about how you're really not good enough until you get the next course. You're really not good enough until you climb the ladder, you're really not good enough until you commit more. And then the first thing they did during the first day of this virtual retreat was they would spotlight people and they would have everyone in the comments share their initial judgments of them. I'm gonna be honest, I was totally wound up after this experience because I thought to myself, I don't even remember what they said to be honest, but I remember thinking, how do they, they don't even know me? Why would they say stuff like that? And why would this be on the first day of a three-day virtual retreat where we are being told the va, I don't know, these per preconceived judgments that people have. Like it doesn't make any sense. Because I've always been taught to warm the space, to create safety so people can let their guards down and dig in. What happened in this particular experience was that people became defensive. Of course they did. They it got them riled up, it got them emotionally charged, and then they would say, Well, why are you emotionally charged? Because you were being mean. It was horrible. It's so annoying. So, needless to say, um, I did not love that experience. I did not feel safe, nor was I brave. And I like I I realized that not all coaching programs are created the same. Not all coaching programs have the foundational belief systems that I do and that I've carried for the past 25 years. And that I know what growth looks like, and I know how to create a culture of growth and a community of growth of people who believe in each other, who set high expectations for themselves and each other. And guess what? We all rise up to meet them. So I don't know where you are right now, but my guess is that you're in this group, right? Because you're listening to this podcast, because you have that still small voice, that little spark within you that's saying, all right, we're ready for our next thing. But you don't quite know what that is. Because guess what? It's always easier to stay the same than it is to step outside your comfort zone and grow. And maybe you don't have the skills, or maybe you don't you need the roadmap, right, to help guide you. Or, or maybe you just need a new community who will pour that belief into you. Change happens here, whether you're building a business, whether you want to be the best mom possible, whether your goal is to get out of debt or to run a marathon, lose 20 pounds, whatever the case may be, goals are achieved within 90-day U-turn because of the shifts in identity that happens along the way. Because the beliefs that we hold dear are infused into the culture and you begin to adapt them too. We have our next round of 90-day U-turns starting on Wednesday at um 8 p.m. Eastern, I believe, May 6th. You are welcome to join us. Uh, if you are interested in learning a bit more on how to get started with that 12-week program, comment my turn below or reach out to me and I'll give you the link to sign up. You'll get access to it immediately, which then you'll want to be ready for our week one meeting on Wednesday. Here's what I know, you guys life will stay the same until we do something different. And a 1% shift can take you in a completely new direction. We welcome you into our community. Have an amazing day. We'll see you same time, same place next week. Talk to you soon.