Summary: Witness the profound journey of Aaron Mraz as he transcends the depths of addiction and fear, and emerges as a living embodiment of faith. Aaron's narrative is a poignant exploration of his evolution from a captive of his past to a triumphant symbol of spiritual transformation. This metamorphosis unfolds as a testament to human resilience and redemption.
Aaron's expedition towards recovery was far from linear, marked by relapses and trials. However, the turning point arose during his time behind bars, where his connection with faith took root. Amid the isolation of his cell, he rekindled his faith, using his life's challenges as the bedrock for his spiritual rebirth. The scriptures became his refuge, each verse etching a part of his identity. His immersion in religious activities not only bolstered his faith but also unveiled his calling - guiding and aiding others.
Aaron's chronicle culminates as an awe-inspiring narrative of faith, mercy, and rejuvenation. Grace transformed his perspective, liberating him from perceiving his past as chains, and instead, as stepping stones toward his life's mission. His faith acted as a potent antidote to self-doubt and anxiety, replacing them with a resounding belief in his divine essence. Aaron's transformation stands as a moving example of the supremacy of faith and the indomitable human spirit. Dive into this riveting dialogue to glean inspiration from Aaron's extraordinary odyssey - from trepidation to trust, from dependency to liberation, and from being adrift to finding purpose.
View more resources on our website!
TimeStamps:
0:00 - From Death to Life
10:31 - The Journey Into Addiction
23:30 - Road to Recovery
32:14 - Rediscovering Faith and Overcoming Challenges
45:53 - Freedom From Sin, Relationship With God
49:58 - Transformation, Grace, and Renewing the Mind
1:04:03 - Discovering Purpose and Receiving Love
1:12:47 - Aaron's Transformation and God's Love
Keywords: Transformation, Faith, Addiction, Redemption, Resilience, Spiritual journey, Solitude, Recovery, Renewal, Human spirit, Grace, Purpose.
Find Dusty Boys at https://www.lovereality.org/podcasts then cancel them!
Summary: Witness the profound journey of Aaron Mraz as he transcends the depths of addiction and fear, and emerges as a living embodiment of faith. Aaron's narrative is a poignant exploration of his evolution from a captive of his past to a triumphant symbol of spiritual transformation. This metamorphosis unfolds as a testament to human resilience and redemption.
Aaron's expedition towards recovery was far from linear, marked by relapses and trials. However, the turning point arose during his time behind bars, where his connection with faith took root. Amid the isolation of his cell, he rekindled his faith, using his life's challenges as the bedrock for his spiritual rebirth. The scriptures became his refuge, each verse etching a part of his identity. His immersion in religious activities not only bolstered his faith but also unveiled his calling - guiding and aiding others.
Aaron's chronicle culminates as an awe-inspiring narrative of faith, mercy, and rejuvenation. Grace transformed his perspective, liberating him from perceiving his past as chains, and instead, as stepping stones toward his life's mission. His faith acted as a potent antidote to self-doubt and anxiety, replacing them with a resounding belief in his divine essence. Aaron's transformation stands as a moving example of the supremacy of faith and the indomitable human spirit. Dive into this riveting dialogue to glean inspiration from Aaron's extraordinary odyssey - from trepidation to trust, from dependency to liberation, and from being adrift to finding purpose.
View more resources on our website!
TimeStamps:
0:00 - From Death to Life
10:31 - The Journey Into Addiction
23:30 - Road to Recovery
32:14 - Rediscovering Faith and Overcoming Challenges
45:53 - Freedom From Sin, Relationship With God
49:58 - Transformation, Grace, and Renewing the Mind
1:04:03 - Discovering Purpose and Receiving Love
1:12:47 - Aaron's Transformation and God's Love
Keywords: Transformation, Faith, Addiction, Redemption, Resilience, Spiritual journey, Solitude, Recovery, Renewal, Human spirit, Grace, Purpose.
Find Dusty Boys at https://www.lovereality.org/podcasts then cancel them!
Death to Life is brought to you by Love, reality, a good gospel ministry. Our mission is to tell everyone willing to listen that in Christ, by faith, they are free from sin. Everything that we make is free and remains free because of the generosity of thousands of people like you. Thank you.
Speaker 2:The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is Death to Life.
Speaker 1:I was in Median Max. I was in South Walk 3. So what I got was one of those new tests in the Gideon Bible and that's all I had, bro. All I had was time. That's all I did. I spent time with God, that's it. I just don't think I knew how good he was. So I was scared that I wouldn't be able to live up to this idea of what he wanted me to be. But I was willing. I was willing. I was like yes, jesus, I am here, I'm going to roll with you. Just we're going to take it slow.
Speaker 2:Yo, welcome to the Death to Life podcast. My name is Richard Young and today's guest is my brother, aaron Maraz. This brother has been to hell and back. He's done some time they say, the only, the only, the only do two days the day you go in and the day you go out. And actually to hear his story. Man, I'm not going to step on it, but prison isn't the most important thing that's happened in his life. And you're going to hear his story, you're going to hear his heart. What a beautiful guy. This obviously is not for young heirs, but let's just jump into the podcast. This is Aaron Maraz. Buckle up, strap in Love y'all, appreciate y'all. So let me ask you, this man, to kind of start us off. Where do you feel like your story when it comes to spiritual things? Where does it start in your mind?
Speaker 1:I was always. I was always, when I was a kid, like my mom took me to church, went to church with my dad, probably when I was yeah, as far as I can remember, I wasn't like raised it, I wasn't raised Christian I would. I would tell people I was probably, if I could equate to anything, it'd be like Christian by default. I knew to be on. I've wanted to be on the winning side, so I better believe in Jesus. You know what I'm saying. That makes sense. And that was from the early age of since I can remember even the faith, the denomination that I'm in now. I literally was in probably, I don't know, I guess they call it Crater Role or kindergarten. I don't know kindergarten and I barely I remember that. I remember a Sabbath school teacher and then, shortly, about five years old, I just remember that we stopped going to church and I was able to watch Saturday morning cartoons and I was like, yes, All the good ones come on Saturday morning, yeah they was like yeah, they did I just I remember yeah was a big part of my life for a long time, got up into X-Men and all that stuff.
Speaker 2:So you were going to church. What? Who was God in your mind?
Speaker 1:It was just some dude you prayed to yeah, that's it that you to to wipe the slate clean. You needed to ask for forgiveness, you needed like maybe I didn't even understand that. Then I'm just putting, I'm trying to equate it in my mind, but I just he was someone that that I knew I needed to plead with all the time because I was constantly dirty, because I didn't know who he was. I didn't know. I, like my mom would always say say stuff like Jesus loves you, but like I didn't know what that meant. Stuff happened to me at a young age. So at a young age I started the identity of condemnation, of being dirty and all that stuff like sexually molested and all that stuff. And I'm jumping right into it but I don't know how else to do that. Nah man.
Speaker 2:So this happened when you were a kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this was when I was yeah early on. Because what happened? I thought I was gay. I thought I thought I was going to get AIDS. I thought I was like. I remember one prayer would be like Lord, put me not having AIDS, because that was a big thing back then, bro, I don't know. Saying this out loud is like crazy man. That's what I was nervous about. I'm not nervous doing this. Jesus has took me from death to life like a hundredfold.
Speaker 2:So what was the thing that you were mostly nervous about then?
Speaker 1:Just talking about this stuff and it it shaped my life, bro. It shaped it. It shaped it for a negative, like all the way up into adulthood. I'm like 42 years old right now and there's some I like that that last internet church where it was like our beliefs, our feelings come from our beliefs. So if I believe, if my belief as when I was little, was I was worthless, I was a piece of crap, I was no good, I was dirty, that's. I manifested that my whole entire life, because then I started acting that way, because I always felt that way all the way up into adulthood. But it's still something now that I, if I catch the enemy slipping in my eyes and I can catch it, then I just open up that warfare and I claim who I am and I just go after him. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But um, anyways, because of all this stuff that had happened, you were confused, you were freaking out and you thought that you were going to die because of all of this. Yeah, man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I did. I didn't talk about it until I was like 16. I held it in, I did. I remember at home, one time when my parents were still together and I don't even know how old I was, but they were I'd come home from school, like at school would just be, like I just feel like just wanting to die the whole time at school. And then I'd get home and I remember this watching the Discovery Channel when they actually used to show like, like the animal hunting and all that stuff. There was this hawk coming down and swooping down and grabbing this rabbit and he killed the rabbit and I just lost my. I just lost my composure. I just started bawling in front of my parents. My dad was like you can't figure out what's wrong. He just got his little man just just bawling his eyes out, and my mom no clue. But that's. It was like that was my way to release what was going on the inside. Do you get what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:No, man, I hear you.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So then, what did you make of all that, as you're growing up Is just a constant little wrestling. Did you have what brought you any kind of peace?
Speaker 1:I just pushed it to the side. I pushed it to the side and get better. I'd go like. At a young age I learned how to. I learned how to find comfort and things that were outside of myself, whether it be food. There was no dope when I was little, but about 13 I started doing that. I Just would, I'd push it to the side, I would just lose myself either video games, tv movies, and I would try not to think about it. Hmm, you know what I mean. That's pretty much it. It wasn't like I was like Like, looking back at it now, it's not like there's so many people with so many worse things that happen to them. Does that make sense? Sure, it's more of how I internalize it and how I didn't deal with it. Hmm, that I didn't know how to deal with it, that I harbored it for a long time and it shaped my identity. Like I learned how to overcompensate, since that happened to me and there'd be people making jokes like the derogatory jokes, I would have to make up for it by being overly Head, real or whatever, like that. Like totally going, just Objectifiable, just objectifying women and stuff like that. At a young age, that's what I felt like my identity needed to be was a man, to make sure no one knew that I was just as dirty, possibly homosexual, gay guy or whatever. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's not my story, it's just part of it.
Speaker 2:Bro, that's not who I am, not who you are. So what you said at age 13, you started using dope. What led to that and how did you get started with that?
Speaker 1:like around I believe 10 or 11 Somewhere around there. All this other stuff stopped right like it's done. It's over with about age 7, age 8, something like that. It's done. My dad and mom got a divorce. My dad ended up just bouncing he has left and School was like I would just try to get in where I could fit in with whoever I could like. I had this ideal like the cool kids or Whatever like. That's why I tried to fit in with which I wasn't. I was just a dork you know what I'm saying Mm-hmm, and I could never I never fit in with them. But eventually, like I would start smoking cigarettes and then that's how it started just being smoking marijuana at 13, started getting drunk a lot and that carried on for a long time. It was just like pretty much like Football went out the window. I started getting trouble at school and about that's I'm fast forward and a lot about the age 16. I ended up dropping out because I was kicked out of the. We have a system here in revenue public. I was going to public and I ended up going to an alternative school where you can go at your own pace and we were smoking across the street and came back in and I got kicked out of there and went to expulsion school because I was still 15 and I couldn't drop out yet and I was going going there for a while and Then, just still doing what I was doing, I got put on probation for having a knife at that school Not that I was going to use it on anybody, I just had. It was a Christmas gift and I continued doing drugs, continued Well, just mainly smoking weed, a lot of. There's a lot of acid.
Speaker 2:Um, did you think any of this was wrong, or did you think it's stupid that people think it's wrong? Like, what was it like morally? What did you think about all this? I thought I was stupid that people think that it's wrong.
Speaker 1:I just did it was. I was in a smoke teller day. I died. I was gonna do Do all anything that I could. I figured this is what the thing. This is what stories were made of. This is what adventures were made of. You know what I mean. This was really live in life. It was get out there, get as messed up as you can get, and then you have something to tell the grandkids about. Are your kids about? Because that's I don't know why I had that kind of idealization or whatever, but that's just what I thought. I just thought it was something you did. Was this normal? And it wasn't my. I can't show you how to build something, but I could show you how to break down them. My wiki with a level of something to shoot up. You know what I mean. I became a like I could do that. You need a pill that actually, if you break it up, put water on it and it turns to gel and you can't shoot it up. I could show you how to make it to where you could shoot it up. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Those are the kind of things that I paid attention to. Those are the kind of things that I did and I continued from 16 on that. That was just pretty much it.
Speaker 2:So when you got in trouble let's say like for bringing that knife or whatever trouble that you got in school, were you? Was there ever a point where you're like, okay, this is legit, like I should have gotten trouble for this, or this isn't something I should be doing, or was it all just? These people don't know what they're talking about.
Speaker 1:Is there was always okay. I guess I see what you're asking. Fact that the smoke in the weed or and doing any of that stuff was wrong. I knew that it was wrong, but I didn't care. And the fact I had my mom Blessers are I think you met her and she, she, mama Linda is what we call her. I just call her mom, but everybody else calls her mama Linda. She had a good moral compass on her and she didn't raise me to act the way act, you know what I'm saying for sure. And she, she was always there, she was always an anchor, she was always trying to get me back on track. So you like, literally at 16 she put me in my first treatment center. Yeah, she was doing her best.
Speaker 2:Would you say that you were living to do these things like this was. The best part of life was being high.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, that's exactly how I viewed it. There was that, that was it. You work during the week to a party on the weekend or whatever. Your days were off and you saved your money so you could buy your dough, buy whatever it is that you need to buy. It's all I live for and that just transferred into from the innocent drugs into the hardcore junky life as I got older.
Speaker 2:Did you graduate high school or were you just like I?
Speaker 1:didn't grab it. I dropped out at 16, started working at a car wash which, yeah, it was a good experience, and not probably the drug part, but the working there and then game. Now that stuff done, I just continued doing what I was doing. It's, I think, 19. During that time from 16 to 19 there was like hallucinogens and marijuana and In alcohol that was it like. I've. I experimented a little bit with pills like Adderall and Stuff like that that I could get from people that would just give it to me. But it wasn't like that was just like that. That stuff was just building me up for what was to come. And then 19 about 19 I started, started doing I think was first time I did meth and it just continued. It continued on.
Speaker 2:Were you ever scared when you did any of these drugs?
Speaker 1:As I got old. When I got older, yeah, there was plenty of times that I got scared like the meth would, really just like man. Sometimes I'd feel like I was gonna die, or my chest just wouldn't, you couldn't sleep. Oh, that was so scary too. I remember praying to God so many times making those deals Just get me out of this, just get me out of this and I'll come back. I'll come back, I'll be good. Never did. But, dude, I'm trying to think what year it was. It was probably, and it have to be 19 or 20. I did my first six months because I got a possession by possession perfunality charge.
Speaker 2:So this is just possession, like you got, like you got pulled over, or yeah.
Speaker 1:I was possession, they gave me possession. I got suppose that maybe it was five years and I did six months in county and the rest was probation. It was on paper, but what happened was I got thrown into detox, which was, later in my life, became like my second home. And that detox is a place where you just I'm sure you heard of it where you just they go, they they take all the drugs or the drug these, they throw them in there, let them detox, send them the treatment IV, see them, that's involuntary, committal, all that stuff. But I Was there and the DCI came to talk to me From about that night when I got caught and what happened was we were sitting at this gas station going towards the valley and this Popo came Rolling by and he hit a circle and he came back behind us and then he, he searched the car and he found, he found the light bulb and whatever. I thought it was just gonna be a paraphernalia charge, but what they did is they went and they tested it and it came back 98%. Pure that, because then we still had some stuff in there and that. But a month later the sheriffs, about one o'clock in the morning, knocked on my door, on my mom's door, and I went to jail and that was I think it was some 19 maybe, I think were you afraid? Yeah, dude, I was scared man at that point, dude, I was just like I'm gonna go jail. Why? I remember being in jail, dude, looking at all these just these old mean looking people, big old beards, just hardcore tattoos, just looking like just they kill you for a piece of cornbread. As Eddie Murphy was saying, that's just like mama better bought me out, mama better on me out. Anyways, I Ended up doing six months. I lied to.
Speaker 2:So when you got out of that and you did your six months and you're back on probation, how fast did you get back? Hitting stuff hard Bro.
Speaker 1:I was relatively. It was relatively quick. It was quick. It was probably within I Don't know if I actually stayed sober. I Did good. For a year I became like a Line supervisor for the car wash on the lot on the line, but I started drinking and Doing stuff on the sly Back and forth and just hoping that I would never get caught. But anyways, I Got off. By the time I got off I was already doing dope again. That's when I met my oldest daughter's mom.
Speaker 2:So you're, you get out of jail, you meet your first daughter's mom. You're trying to be good, would you say you're trying to be good.
Speaker 1:No no no, I was just Doing what I thought, doing what I thought I had to do, like I had no direction in life and then nor was gonna go in life. It was like the only thing I remember when I was still at the car wash and I would still be partying and doing dope. I remember just there was a connection between me and her and obviously was dope, but in my connection I always wanted to be loved. I always wanted to be in a relationship with the woman that I loved and I cared for it. So all this stuff was switched on to amber and like, literally, we're just running and doing dope. But we connected and it just started. And that connection it wasn't like, hey, man, let's go out and let's date, it was like literally lambam, like yay, we're in love. But if we weren't like you get what I'm saying about that I was just. I remember we're at a homie's house, at his parents's house, and they were out of town, and I remember laying on the bed With amber and just nothing happened. We, I just held her the whole night and like all I remember walking away from that was like I am really loved, like you know what I mean. Well, I wasn't that. But that's how lost I was back then and I continued. We just we continued to do a lot of dope and I Was introduced to the needle with amber. Back then it was really you could take these pills and they were really easy to shoot up. But I, for whatever reason, whatever I was going through, I was always suicidal and Depressed during all that time, pretty much my whole life. I Was just wanting to check out so I was like screw it, dude, I'll shoot up. Show me how to shoot up.
Speaker 2:I remember how old are you at this point? 22, 23, early 20s, early 20s? So you were going. You didn't have any plans. This aimless heavy drug use. What happened next in your life, man?
Speaker 1:I was in and out by that time. I just wasn't so anything big. Here's the thing like I could never. I could never like. I suck, breaking into houses right Like it, just sucked for me like I would yeah, you're.
Speaker 2:You're a trash thief, bro. I would.
Speaker 1:I am like God always had a hand on like, for real like. If God's hand wasn't in my life, dude, I'd be like on some Empire stuff. Right now he's. Thank God, he made me a dumb criminal. You know, I mean you. I'm looking out for you. My boy, I'm looking out for you.
Speaker 2:You're gonna suck at this anyway, that's what they say about gambling. The best thing that could ever happen to you is you lose at the beginning. Yeah, then you don't get. The best thing that happened to you is your trash criminal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I didn't stop me from trying, I From trying ever.
Speaker 2:But I just yeah, like I you were stealing to finance whatever kind of habit you were on.
Speaker 1:It was so short-sighted, like I said he had a hand in it. There was like, yeah, there would be no reason, it was all to just finance the dope. It would be like, whatever I could get my hands on, you just try to get something that wasn't traceable. The PD couldn't trace it and you just go, pawn it or find somebody that wants something. If you were a dealer or whatever, then that was the thing that I would go do. I'd go into a store and I'd just carry stuff out. It was easy. No one's going to stop you and even if they do, they can just keep going and whatever.
Speaker 2:So you got busted around this time. For what was it breaking and entering?
Speaker 1:No for going into a store At this time. It was in 2000.
Speaker 2:Whatever it was, going into it was in 2010.
Speaker 1:Yeah, somewhere around, because that's when Layla was born. It was 2010. So I've been October something, 2010. I was convicted. I went to prison, yeah, and it was for. It was for it was called aggregated grand theft by receiving stolen property. Within a week's time, I went into a bunch of stores and I got some keyboards, some surround sounds, some DVD players, a couple of dice and ball vacuum cleaners, and they added it all up and under. I think that was a new law thing, cause back then, if I would have known and got into law books, I could have beat it, but I didn't. I didn't know any better, and I got a public pretender and they sent me up. They just did what they did, but that's what I went to. I went to prison for dice and ball vacuum cleaners. I think both of them were like $500 each and they changed a lot in that. At that time, too, anything a thousand or more would have been a felony, and I got five years. I did five years because I did two years in prison for that. For, yeah, I was like try going to prison, bro, and say what you in here for vacuum cleaners.
Speaker 2:So you were. You were two years in prison and then you went back to County for the last three years.
Speaker 1:No, I went to. I was in prison for two years. I was out on bond. Me and Amber got married because we were in the rain and she's walk. I just remember she's walking by in stripes and I'm in stripes and I'm just like, yeah, we should probably get married, that's, but anyways. So we got married on the phone and we had a pastor marry us on a phone in between the glass. That's how we got married. And then we went to prison. I was in there for two years, got out, moved in with my moms and started raising Layla and I stayed sober for a minute. Another man my homie, that I ran with his wife ended up. They both got arrested and she ended up bonding out to my mom's house too. And then me and her hooked up and I stayed sober for two years, but anyways, stayed sober for two years, started drinking and then, shortly after that, we started. Me and Brittany started doing pills again, because that's what we were always addicted to was opiates and then went hard, went in the paint, went hard for a year, 2015. And we're talking like I never did so much dope in my entire life. That was just like and was just readily there, like we made a lot of money and we spent a lot of money. But 2015, 2014,. Cadillac was born that's my youngest daughter and shortly after that relapsed and then hit the ground running and then, about 2015, me and Brittany broke up. I ended up going to treatment in Mitchell, South Dakota. It was a halfway house kind of place where a bunch of people go and it was a long-term halfway house and I stayed in Mitchell for about six months and did good while it was in the facility, got out, started living in the hotel life and just working and everything. The kids would come back and forth. It was jumping dude, I'm jumping Cadillac, devin and Layla Devin was Brittany's son, would be half brother to Cadillac, but they were all raised together. My mom at this time had guardianship over them because we just we left Like bro. It got so bad. It got so bad after I came back from Mitchell. That's why I came back. I came back from Mitchell because in Mitchell I just started going. I got all the money that I had saved up. I got out of treatment. I was working at performance pets. It was like a canning place for dog food, cat food, just whatever. My identity was just completely gone because my identity was in the relationship that I was in and that no longer existed. So my man who just came crumbling but anyway. So I'm trying to establish all this. I have kids back home that I need to take care of, want to get them back, and I just remember drinking and then going to Sioux Falls. Sioux Falls is the biggest city in South Dakota and I, wild out in Mitchell, I lost my damn mind down there. A lot of meth, a lot of there's probably a lot of mixed with basalt and all that stuff too. Anyways, came back to Rapid, Lived with my mom for a while, lived with my kids, and this is 2000,. Yeah, the end of 2016. Starting into 2017, I was already relapsed again. I met up with okay, devin's dad and me were really close homies before we ended up becoming homies again and stayed brothers after the fact, and it was really crazy. We all met up me, brittany and Devin's dad all met up and we started staying at the same spot, but I just there was no coming back from it. Man. I my last year out there. Man, I was just ready to die. I'm all over the place.
Speaker 2:Huh, no, man, you're good, we're, we're track it. What? Let me just let me tell you what I'm hearing. Okay, a lot of death, a lot of death, a lot of drugs, a lot of relationships in and out of relationships, and just seems it sounds terrible man. It sounds terrible it was. It was man what started the recovery man.
Speaker 1:The actual recovery was Jesus, and that was that was 2016 to 2017, about July 14th of 2017. I got arrested. I was out on bond. I was literally at this point in time I was doing so much dope that I felt like the cartel was after us. I thought some of the local clubs were after us, like it was all this stuff, that that that was involved in and stuff like that, which, if you ever read that proverb where a wicked man like runs and he like howers from everything right Cause he thinks everything's after to get him but a righteous man is as bold as a lion. But back then in that death, I was living like that, that, that coward, wicked man Like I was just, and when I did drugs it would compound that and I was so far out there I ended up so out of it. I don't know how to explain it If you've, I don't know how to explain it, but I was walking around rapid, trying like the the. The assignment in my mind was I needed to leave rapid, we needed to meet up and we needed to get out of town because we were all on the run and we needed to get out of there because there was a bunch of legal stuff going on with a bunch of people anyways, and I was on the run too First. Well, no, not yet.
Speaker 2:Not yet. Um you, uh. Who was? Was God in your mind at all during these years? It sounds like probably about the well, 15 years of this. What would you say? The amount of years where you're living this kind of life?
Speaker 1:It's roughly. I've been sober for over four years now. It'll be four years in August since the last time I shot anything up and since I took a drink, and then, shortly a couple months after that, since I smoked our uh nicotine or anything like that. So I'm that would be what I'm 42. That'd be 38, from 13 to 38. How many every year that is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 15, no 13, 13 to 38. That's not 15 years, that's 20, 25 years.
Speaker 1:Um straight up junky from from it from the early 20s to 38.
Speaker 2:Um God, I did read the Bible when I was uh, when I was um it's 23 years for the smart people that were like these guys don't know what they're talking about. 23 years.
Speaker 1:Hey man, I got a GED. All right, leave me alone 23 years of of running.
Speaker 2:And so God was like you wanted to read your Bible, Like when you were in prison. Would you read your Bible, Would you like?
Speaker 1:I did, man, I read my bible in prison. I read all the way through it. Did I understand it? No, I mean, I had, like I had, run-ins. I remember Back in my 20s when I did 13 months in County. I was just going back to a time when I was in myself Like this homie. Homie that was because they'd shoved me down into medium max because I was always active, act stupid when I was in there, like there was, like I say, I got acquainted with him, like I got the word, what the word did some stuff, stuff in there. I didn't hold on to it. I don't know why, I just wasn't there. I didn't know, I wasn't. I don't know and I can't answer it, but it did something. Because I don't think, like he says, what is that guy says like he sends out his word and his word doesn't come back Void. I'm living testimony of that right now. I didn't come back void. It just didn't happen. Then you know what I'm saying for sure, it just it's happened now and it's continuing to grow now that's what's happening. He didn't ever give up. He didn't. It was not. It was nothing that that I could ever undo. I see that now that I could ever undo anything that I ever did that would ever push him, push me away from him, because he was always there. I see that now.
Speaker 2:So talk to me about this. One is a 2018 or 2019, when you start your real recovery, and what was the catalyst It'd be?
Speaker 1:2017, october 31st, I was took off my meds in County Because I was snorting them, so they took me away from my meds. I got put on the bottom like a bunch of psych meds and stuff. I started. I Remember being like. This is always so cool because it's just. It reminds me of that song, like return to me to join my salvation, because this is what it was like. I was always acquainted with God, but like when I was in County this last time in 2017, like he literally just not oddly I didn't hear, but like he was, just like a spirit, was just like stop running. And I remember being so scared To take the sleep of faith to just follow him, because any other time I did I would either and I didn't know the terms that I know now I was, I'd go ultra Legalistic, to the point of it drove me crazy, because I had run-ins ever since I was little like 1718, being reunited with my dad and doing studies down there and my auntie would send me these Bible studies and Anyways. I could never live up to it. I just went completely crazy. I went completely crazy. It didn't just make. It didn't make sense. So I was scared. I was scared that, that there was this. I Just don't think I knew how how good he was. So I was scared that I wouldn't be able to live up to this idea of what he wanted me to be. But I was willing. Do you understand what I'm saying? I was willing. I was like, yes, jesus, I am here, I'm gonna roll with you. I'm just we're gonna take it slow and literally. I was in medium max, I was in South Walk 3 and At this time, in this particular time, they're revamping the system. So there was no programs it was really hard to get out of to go to, like religious programs or anything like that. So what I got was a New testament, one of those giddy. A new testament. I still have it's in my car. I was gonna bring it in here, but anyways, it's actually where I drew that proverb verse of a coward. Our wicked man keeps on running from stuff, but a righteous man is as bold as a lion. Anyways, it was New Testament, psalms, proverbs, getting in Bible, and that's all I had. And then, whoever would throw any religious material out on the counter, I'd grab it and then I'd write to these places and then I'd start getting the letters myself, getting the newsletters and all this stuff from these institutions. Are these ministries or whatever they were? And Bro, all I had was time. That's all I did. I spent time with God, that's it. I would read Proverbs. There's 31 Proverbs, like. Whatever the day of the month it was is the one I'd read. I'd read go over the Gospels. I would have Correspondent paper in make or and I just write verses out. The first verse I ever memorized was, I think is, john 1633. It was actually the first one that my five-year-old daughter memorized when I got out, took her like five minutes, took me like 20 times writing it on a piece of paper to remember. She did it in five.
Speaker 2:What is it? John 16?
Speaker 1:It's. I've said these things to you so that in me you may have peace In the world. There will be tribulation, but take heart, I've overcome the world and as always meant like bro, like he's my peace, and I was like one of my favorite is verses you know, I'm saying absolutely and then, yeah, I remember getting it. They were just they're on fire. When I got out, I would start reading my Bible with these two little five six-year-olds or whatever, how old they were when I got out.
Speaker 2:When you get out, you still have, like you still want to have, that connection with God.
Speaker 1:Oh, bro, okay, in County, my relationship with him was kicked off, it was solidified. It was like I'm following you, like I ain't going nowhere, I'm following you, I'm getting out, I'm following you like this, it's like you have me, I love you, I'm gonna follow you. And I just learned and I was ready to get out. I wasn't, I was just ready, I was ready to do whatever. Wherever he led me to go, I was willing to go. And that was there's this place called celebrate recovery. That's, at this time my mom was going to this place called Fountain Springs and they do celebrate recovery every Friday nights and that would be cut. That became part of my, my thing. I like I wouldn't shut up about Jesus when I got out. I just wouldn't. I did. I know exactly what all I was saying. I was like, maybe I didn't, but I knew that he was good. I knew that he changed my life and I knew that he gave me life. I knew that. So if I was sitting next to you, I'd be reading my Bible. I'd be like how you do and I start talking to you and, whether you want to hear it or not, I'd like, dude, this is what happened, because it was that matter of fact to me? You know, I'm saying for sure and that's that was amazing like I got hooked up with a bunch of folk that that we're out there doing things like they don't. They didn't. They don't believe what I believe now on certain things, on certain doctrines or whatnot. But the love and the Like dude, like we would go this home with this guy that I knew, met. He became a brother, we'd go to the mission and I can't sing but he can sing. He got a guitar, he can sing and I'd go to the mission with them and literally Saturday nights there's this little like chaplain area in the back at the mission and he literally just bust out like whatever I think at that time, remember that Micah Tyler song come and be different with me. I don't know what other cuz I'm still not like big on Knowing the names of the Christian artists out there. But you play the song and I would get it. You know I'm saying, but he would do that and like I would be able to sing and I'd be able to Commerce it with all these other people that lived the same way as I was living or have been living. I've lived at the mission, I've done all that stuff and we just didn't stop and I was going to found Springs and then my dad was going to the rap city, sent the Adventist church where I go to now, and I was just, I was learning so much more stuff. I was involved of the group called mighty men, which we'd meet Mondays and we just go over the Bible. I remember, literally we prayed over getting a job that I have and there's no way a person like me should ever had had a job or get a good job right out the gate. I don't have, no, no college degree, no, nothing. And I'm literally happened at this time. You're lucky if you're gonna make $12 an hour. Right, we prayed over this job and at this time I'm going to this moral recognition therapy, or maybe it was aftercare Either, or they both bleed together and I have to do it. I had to do it for jail. I remember being in Treatment. I remember the exercise that they were trying to do. They were trying to build up to the alternative, to like, how would you handle Disappointment, and I was so confident that I was gonna get this job because I prayed to my father and my father was gonna give it to him Because we prayed over it, like I was so confident, like I was like I'm not gonna do this, like I'm gonna get the job, like you don't understand, I'm gonna get the job. I got the job. And she ended up that counselor ended up giving me a part of her testimony, which I got. That was really cool. She, literally after class one day she told me that that she's a believer and that how she came to believe is she prayed to God to ask him if she was, if he was real, that he would reveal himself to her. And he did, in a dream, like he did, I think. She said she's seen him or talked to me dream or something like that, and that was what solidified her. That was her calling dude. I got to witness so many people's stuff like that. I don't know. It blows my mind.
Speaker 2:Anyways, I rambled a lot there, I told you, but that's just you kept on going on that train and you were just I was. You knew gotta change your life I he already did.
Speaker 1:Bro, he, like even I, got out and I I relapsed For about a month. I were hard, I started drinking but I did some heroin and stuff again. My, my kids Layla she can remember that she could tell you about it because she heard me death rattle in the bathroom. Um, I Got a DUI. I Remember my DUI. I was talking to the pastor that baptized me. I was on the phone with them drunker than drunk and it's the last thing I remember, just ballin and Easily talking about Jeremiah or something like that. I don't remember what it was about, but I got out from that and I seen what I was doing and At this time my, my concept of following God was like I had to get it right. I had to be right To get. I didn't want to go back to the drugs and each time there are any relapses that happen normally, like back in the past, like I wouldn't be talking to you right now, I'd either be in prison or I'd be dead. I'm just like I would probably be in prison or I'd be in a treatment center somewhere. But he was patient, man Goalie, he was patient. I don't Just remembering that stuff is it feels good knowing that he had me like that.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm saying absolutely so you keep on going. When the pandemic hit oh, what were you up to? Where were you cuz? I remember a while ago, when you and I were talking, you said you'd gotten crazy legalistic right before freedom.
Speaker 1:All right, before freedom, I did dude. I came in I kid cuz I learned that I don't want to like I'm not gonna knock it or anything, but I learned what was called the Sabbath truth and I went really hard in the paint and I think that has to do with since I live so like free, like what I mean, like I live so like the other way that right came in, that I had this structure and I came in to the Adventist church with the with 25, 25 lesson it is written lesson plan pamphlets, mm-hmm, and they were pretty much feeling the blank kind of things and I would Go over them and I learned all these amazing truths that like, like that made sense from the Reformation, what happened, and Like all these different things that like, yeah, that makes sense. And they pointed out how it made sense and and then I started following a bunch of like present truth, like far present truth, things of the hundred and forty four, and I don't understand any of it, man, but I was on board because I would be able to. I would be able to hear, hear something that sounded good and I'd be able to roll with it instead of just being like yo, let's go read about it and find out if I can connect the dots that way. Does that make?
Speaker 2:sense, sure it was the discipline and the structure. Was it a welcome to you because you had lived such an undisciplined life before that?
Speaker 1:It was. It really was Like I remember the first time I stopped eating bacon and you're gonna laugh at me, but literally I was like I was on an argument with my dad. It was after seven. I was like, no, I'm gonna eat bacon, cheeseburgers till the day I die. And like I don't care, you can, it doesn't matter, it's just. It was just, it's my mindset. Until people walk me through this stuff of seeing some things, I was, I went way out there. I remember trying to anybody that I knew that when I found these truths no matter, I didn't do it in love, I did it in wanting to be like like I would gear up in my mind how I'd want to argument with somebody. Like in my mind, like like any of them got through the point to where there'd be some beliefs in my mind. If you didn't know, like you have the Bible to read it and you didn't know it, so that's all in you. So you're probably going. You're going to hell. You're probably like oh really, really no, dude, no.
Speaker 2:No, that's the that's the kind of energy you had.
Speaker 1:That's the kind of energy that I had and I went really hard that way and I didn't really even know that I went, actually knew or believe it because I was just re-urgitating what was being taught to me via YouTube ministers or ministries that they had these doctor's and theology degrees and they use these $30 words man, that I had to look up but it sounded right. They connected the dots and I was just like, huh, I don't think, like honestly, I don't think some of it is but my take on it. I pushed people in the category of a black and white category and I misinterpreted it a lot and I think that has to do with just had someone in freedom took me down in freedom, which I was closer to freedom. I know I was closer to freedom when I was in jail and when I first got out of jail. Then, when I came into the church that I'm in now, and then I learned the things and it wasn't no one who was teaching it, no one like here was like actually like pushing this agenda of learning these hard things and telling me to go out and like chastise the world because they're not doing it Right. It was my own, it was my own take on things that I was looking up online and studying. You get what I'm saying, oh for sure. And if I would have known the whole like Romans? No one like me studied Romans like I remember when I first studied Romans, when I came in here, I'd always read the Bible to fit how it was going to fit the 10 commandments. Does that make sense? I had to make the Bible fit what it was saying, but it would not be saying what it was saying. One thing would be like we're not under the law, but I understand that now to be and you can correct me if I'm wrong I understand, like I'm not under the condemnation that the law bring. The law is good, but I'm not underneath the condemnation. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're not under the law period. It's not that you're just not under the condemnation of the law, because being under the law means that the law is highlighting an area of your life that it needs to highlight. You're actually under grace, which allows you to live out the righteousness that the law required but could never give you. So being under the law means that you're in the flesh. Being in the flesh means you're under the law. Because you are under grace, because you actually have righteousness, you are no longer under the law. Does that make sense? Yeah, do you need to take that bro?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's my youngest daughter. Take it, dude. Hello, hello, yeah, good deal. Yeah, I will do that. Good job, thank you, love you. Bye, that was my youngest cat-a-la-a and we were cleaning. Like, I think I talked to you before I headed over here. We were cleaning and I had the Wi-Fi pause, so there were being like no distractions you know what I'm saying. So they finished doing this. That's what that was. That was an important message that just interrupted us. Can you un-pause the Wi-Fi? That's all good. Yeah, yeah, the Wi-Fi is un-possed.
Speaker 2:So when did freedom start to come around? What happened that led you to start to understand your relationship to sin?
Speaker 1:It was when it was introduced to me. Okay, I had a problem with L-U-S-T, as everybody likes to put it, and I couldn't get out of that cycle. Man, I couldn't, like so many people that have been on that park, had, like, it's just a it's actually kind of a big thing anyways, just but I couldn't get out of that cycle. I think I was introduced to this book Every Man's Battle from my previous pastor, which was really cool, like his heart was like there. I was reading that made sense. I wasn't married, but you know what I made sense? I literally sought out counseling a Christian counselor with the notebook and they followed the criteria of celebrate recovery, of abstaining or getting victory that way, and that's how I came upon.
Speaker 2:L-R-T. So a brother in Christ was like yo you need to check this out. Yeah, he was like what year was this when he said this? But two-ish years ago, okay, two-ish years ago. Two-ish years ago. You start watching it. What are you getting from it?
Speaker 1:when you start watching it, I'm getting a bunch of like jaw dropping, like, what, like, what do you mean? Like I'm done like and dude Johnathan's just like, and I'm like, like I'm paying attention because that's like, that's a thing that I learned from like and and junior. I like someone talks fast, you have to pay attention. You talk so fast that you leave them in the dust and they can't pay attention, but that's what I could pause and I could go back and it made sense. Like the craziest thing that's like sticking out to my mind right now was like the freedom part of when the Israelites were taken out of Egypt were they free or were they still slaves? And and that that was a aha moment for me. I always I was, I believed like you had to. There was a methodology to be forgiven, and this comes into my own thoughts, like even when quitting the smoking and stuff like that, because I'd go back to smoking and chewing every now and then I wouldn't. I would literally believe that my prayers to God were an abomination and he wasn't hearing me because I was in open rebellion against him. Okay, I didn't get the. I didn't get that part of being free from sin. I didn't understand it, the end, but it made it seemed plausible. It seemed plausible because, like, when he made that analogy out of Egypt, slave or not slave, and then the cross, were you free, like, you know what I mean. That's, that's where it hit. I did a lot of. I even washed that with my daughters. I washed a lot of them.
Speaker 2:Then I got on the, the, the did you get on the Friday night Bible study first? When did I meet you it?
Speaker 1:either been Friday or Thursday. I was on them every now and then and I just I would get it. But I wouldn't get it, like I couldn't understand, coming onto the Bible study with having the week that I slipped into I slipped into the porns or something like that, or I lost my temper or whatever it was, and then I couldn't equate that's not me, that it was me. How do I come to a Bible study and talk about the goodness of God or whatever? But this is what I was going. You know what I mean. So I sit and listen a lot. Even now, if I'm on a study, I'll listen a lot because it's pretty good to listen, but anyways.
Speaker 2:But stuff was slowly start. What do you? What would you say is the first thing that clicked for you, that you were like okay, this is true about me, for sure.
Speaker 1:It started to hit I think I believe it was. It was a been a year ago, it was been summertime. I remember, as a work out was an apprentice for an electrician and I was. I was cutting up some, some wood pallets, making some extra hours anyways, and I was listening to a DTL and it was a Joe Moultres podcast. First of all, wait a minute. I got to back up because literally when I was listening to the DTL and Chris Whitmore, I was down in in spearfors working at this bank, just had the headphones in, because at that time when I was working for someone that would let you do that and have me as you're working and the moment he was talking about where Jesus was like he was up there and he was just like I just want Jesus, or he was just like I just want Jesus, and then there's this guy in the background and then he was like Jesus was just like he's mine, it's mine. The minute that hit like I'm getting goosebumps right now. The minute that hit that moment because as he was talking, that that's how I felt, that's what I felt. I felt like Jesus was like like using his story to reach in and be like dude, you're mine Quit trying to strive and I'm like I'm hooting and hollering at my job site. I'm like it was good and I. You know what I'm talking about. You know what story I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and you asked when did it start?
Speaker 2:What was the main things that started clicking in?
Speaker 1:After that I was on the phone with Joel and I was seeking I was going to I was actually I just got out of the a psychologist or whichever one is, therapist or whatever. I was going to see them and I got out and we we started talking about Hebrews and I think it's 1014, where he said something like he's died once in once and for all of our sins. He's made perfect those who are being sanctified. And I think he read it in the NASB version where it's like you have been made perfect, and then like first person that you know what I'm saying yeah, been made perfect, you were perfect. It started hitting. Then it started hitting them and it's just been like I wasn't like the lights hit and I was just like, oh, I get it, because I didn't. I'm still growing. You get what I'm saying For sure. But that was a catalyst because I would always there was a disconnect. There was a disconnect because I would still go back to the former patterns of ignorance. And I think I talked to you shortly in that time too and, like you, pretty much, just totally, was like are you waking up in the morning and thanking you, thanking God for your righteousness? Are you living like that, like you're not doing that, are you? And I'm like no, I'm not, because I wasn't spending time with the guy in the secret place and I just I don't think I grasped it, man, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, but I think you just you had a place where all this to land, like you were ready, because the legalism that you were living in after you came back, that wasn't effective.
Speaker 1:No man. It was condemnatory. There was no life in it. I could throw out all the movies, I could throw out all the books, I could throw out all the stuff that I needed to do that would cleanse my body to where I would live this perfect life and I'd have to be this vessel so I can get that first class ticket to Jesus to when he comes back. It never changed anything. They never produced change. None of it produced change. It went back to the basics, and the basics is this Jesus loves me. This I know, for the Bible tells me so, and I don't know where. I went from jail to the moment of desertness to back to life again. I don't know if that makes sense, if I can, even, if that makes sense to anybody. Even listening Makes sense to me because I'm living in that life now Like I don't. There was not too long ago. I took a hike and I literally talked to God. He literally, I was just calmed and it's something that I revert back to. He knows my mind, he knows it, he knows that how I think, where I think, in whichever 115 million different fractured tributaries that it goes in. He knows and he can always bring me back to him he's pleased with me. I claim that night that I was covered by his robe. I'm covered by Yeshua Jesus. I am the righteousness of God and Jesus Christ. That's his robes mind. And that I remember saying that in the dark because I had night hiked back out of the thing, like I literally have authority within me, not because I have it, but because he's. I do have it, but he gave it to me. Because of who he is, I can say to a spirit of depression or lost that it has no room here. You know what I'm saying. I can tell the kick rocks and it's not what I feel. And that's the thing where the enemy likes to trip me up on, because if it goes into feeling sometimes I'll wallow in that, dude, I will wallow in that, and then it just takes a God smack to get me back up out of it.
Speaker 2:If we let our feelings take control. Watch out now. There's no end to what could happen. And to let our feelings be informed by truth rather than the truth be informed by our feelings Right.
Speaker 1:That's like even when you, or when I realize that I still, there's still that whisper sometimes that's is that really that? True, get what I'm saying? Yeah, but it is. If I read the word and it says that I am something, then how do I? I don't. Sometimes I have to tell the enemy to stop a lot, man, because I overanalyze things and then I get my fills and then it's all. Whatever this week was, this week was hard. Sure, this week was very was hard because I was in my, my, my fillers. It was lately last month or whatever I think it was. I've been off work for about a month and it didn't start off bad. It started off good. I had a bunch of homies up here Like we did stuff. We started working out, doing all these things, spending time, and I went to a psychiatrist. They diagnosed me with a bipolar 2 and I don't really know what all that means and that's what they, a year ago they thought that too and I just I was like, no, I'm against that, I'm against that label. You get what I'm saying? Sure, I do. Yeah, because that's a stigma. I'm like I don't want that, I don't want that and it's because I can go so deep in these holes of emotion that I literally I can just sit there and I know that I'm loved, I know that I do love, but for whatever reason, like this week, I was thinking like man, I need like when David was like being that little bard for Saul, when the spirit would be removed from Saul and then David would have to come in and play him a song to cheer him up. I'm like that's not God, dude, you know what I mean. But that's not. God's not doing that to me, god's not making me feel like that God is, no matter what God is. I don't know if I'm even making sense right now.
Speaker 2:Well, he doesn't want you to be afraid and your identity like you, don't need to resist this diagnosis. This diagnosis isn't who you are. Don't think about it too much. If it means like this has been some of the things that you've been doing or the way your mind has been working, okay, yeah, but you're being transformed by the renewing of your mind to the fact that you are the righteousness of God in Christ. You are whole and complete in him. You have every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. You have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Man, that is who you are and I remember, like the talks that we've had and you guys invited me out here and I think it was really funny One thing that you said you were so on fire and I think I've just seen this fire in you the last six months and you wanted to get me out there. You said it was easier to move dope than to get me to come out to speak in South Dakota. Oh gosh, and I had to be cracking up, man.
Speaker 1:Hey, it's the truth, though. It'd be easier to go sell a bag than it was to get you to come speak some gospel within our own.
Speaker 2:But the truth is, you've been on fire and you've been going after this thing, but you've been living a certain way for almost 40 years and, as you're patient with yourself and you're renewing your mind, I've just seen your foundation becoming more solid and more solid. Right, I know, you know that this thing is your life, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like I'm not turning back, bro. What's that song? I have decided Too far. Oh gee, yeah, I ain't turning back, man, and this is it?
Speaker 2:And freedom? Is it Freedom from sin? He came to free you from all that stuff and he has, in Jesus Christ, right.
Speaker 1:He has.
Speaker 2:So those two things are true, like you're never going anywhere and he already freed you. So all of this stuff in the meantime, in between time, as you're walking it out and you're learning, hey, man, like you're just learning, you're just growing, you're growing up into him and while it might not feel good to get a diagnosis or man, don't let that take your peace.
Speaker 1:It's not took, bro, it's not took. It's just, yeah, it's not took. I just don't know how to. I don't know how to feel about it, right yet Like you wouldn't, say Don't even worry about it.
Speaker 2:I know he will.
Speaker 1:I believe he's putting things in my life. He's allowing me a way to go process something, because he knows what works in my head, and he's going to allow something to where it's going to click, to where I become, to where I walk and and what he's called me to actually do. Yeah, but these are the foundations. I'm like I hope that made sense, man, because it made sense in my mind.
Speaker 2:There's a verse, man. It says he will keep the imperfect peace whose mind is stayed on the because he trusts in the Isaiah, I don't know, like 553. And that's the thing, man. Let's set our minds, bro. Yeah, let's set our minds on what is true about us. And it's true about you because the Bible says it, man. It's not true about you because you're not bipolar. It's not true about you because whatever it's true about you because it is. And so we set our mind on the facts. You, dog, you're a beautiful person, man. The first time I met you, you just came in the door. You had all this energy and it's just love. You want to love people, yeah, man, and you do. And I felt that, and I think everybody in that community, you're trusted. In that community You're trusted, and that means a lot, right? Yeah, you trusted like that Six years ago, man, I wasn't trying to rob these people oh that's crazy. As you're describing this whole life, I don't see that guy. That guy doesn't exist, first of all, and I can't even imagine him. Because of what I know and who I know you to be now, I, literally I would trust you. I would trust you with anything, Because I know your heart, man, I know you've been transformed, and so that's what's true about you, right, that is what's true about that?
Speaker 1:That is what's true about me, man.
Speaker 2:That is, you could take it to the bank, and when I went out there, you're inviting all these people to hear the gospel. Yeah, and it's not because you felt bad about it, it's just you're like you wanted them to hear it. No, like, why would you feel bad about it? Because some people feel like they have to like preaching the gospels, like community service hours, like you have to get so many the side job, like a PL, so you can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so when Jesus said that thing in Matthew that you could be under, you could come in under that.
Speaker 2:You're like okay, I did feed the poor, I did. I talked to this certain amount of people and they feel like they have to get that done so that they can feel okay, Because it becomes duty, though it doesn't become, it doesn't become, that's becomes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's another form of I learned, that's another form of legalistic. Yeah, yeah, no, because you start doing stuff, because you think you have to because you're going to earn it or whatever. But no, that's, that's that's the one thing. Holy Spirit, literally Hills Alive, there's a Christian concert. You know that? Can I say this real quick, sure Couple, two weeks ago, this Sunday, this coming Sunday, two weeks ago, two weeks ago, there was a Hills Alive concert. There's like they put on a bunch of Christian bands. They come out here and they do this. It's free for the public. Anyways, I was there Sunday morning, went really early, met up with my stepdad, we put up some canopies and, as I was there and I was worshiping with with Father, it was just peaceful. But long story short, I ran into a homie that I was in prison with, that I was in a halfway house with that, I just know, and he didn't look good, he looked pretty bad. He was walking with this chick and this little kid that I think is the chicks. Little kid, anyways, this little kid had about seven years of experience. Little kid, anyways, this little kid had a Spider-Man face painted on from the day before because there was a face painting ministry there. They're walking, she's agitated. This little kid comes running up to me, pokes me in the belly dude and he's pointing at his pointing at his, at his, at his bottom lip, and he's looking up at me and so I'm like what's up, dude? What's going on? Did you lose a tooth? And he's yeah, and you can see all this sparkle in his eyes Like he's just full of this life, right, full of this life. So I asked my homie, I'm like where are you guys going? And he, that kid, anyway, he whips out like I have to add this because he was so excited about it, he whips out this like clear container full of dollar bill or some change, and like the tooth fairy visited him and he was just like yeah, anyways, I asked where he was, where they were going, and they were going to go get some breakfast and it's a ministry that puts on breakfast for folk that are less privileged than others. And as I was walking back to go back, and just I hit this bridge and I was wrecked. I was wrecked because for probably over a year he's put stuff on me and even since I got out of jail he put stuff on me and I just didn't know that I could do what I was going to do, that I was meant to just start doing instead of waiting for people to do things with. But just start doing and he'll provide. I didn't know this. I'm on this, I'm on this bridge and I'm balling and I'm praying to him and I'm like I know you want me to do something, but what do I do? I don't know what to do, father, what do I do? Don't remove this burden from my heart. That weekend, that later that Sunday, I run into a homie named Robert. That I did that was the mission with doing the guitar singing, and he wanted me to meet someone. And then then this other homie that I, that our circles ran in the same circles and stuff growing up like we know each other and everything. And we're at this Gaga ball is it's like where they like jumping this pit and they're like kitten this ball back and forth and I guess if it hits the legs you're out. I don't know man, it looks like a bunch of Christian mafia stuff, anyways. So David comes up beside me and I thought there was like a fight going on here and I was like no, we were talking. And I'm just going to tell you how cool spirit is. Like that prayer that went out was already answered that Sunday. It wasn't until five days later, on a Friday. I was in the parking lot of our church here and I'm calling. I call him because I find out what, where this ministry is at and it's at the bottom of this other church downtown where they provide breakfast for for the homeless and then people and then, anyways, I ask him I'm like dude, I know you guys probably got a team, but this is probably your home church Like is there any way that I could come help out? He was like brother man, praise God, a Holy Spirit must be moving because we are short-handed. We went from doing it every Sunday morning to every other Sunday morning and I guess, like that, that what I'm trying to say is man, he's not finished and he's not finished with me because I don't have to try to be, I don't have to try to fit in anywhere, like I was doing for a long time within my own church and stuff like that, because, let's face it, there's not a lot of convicts running around here, and if they are, they're already way older than me that like they're like either lost their ability to, like we don't, we haven't connected yet, like I haven't seen them, but get what I'm saying. So I was trying to, I would try to fit in. And this moment like this, just reassurance of what just happened, is like I've been here the whole time, like I got you. I have a purpose for you, bro. I have a purpose for you. I have a purpose for you that only you are going to be able to fulfill. And did you get what I'm saying? Absolutely. And I felt in that moment, like when I when that, when that hit off in the parking lot and I was talking to David, like I couldn't stop talking about it, like I'm calling people telling them what happened. This is the night that I got to do Vesper, so I got to throw that in there. It was great, and this weekend I was going to start that and I really the stuff like that just lets me know, man he's. That's the God smack, that's the like bro I have you. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Man. You're built for a specific purpose, bro, and it's people. You love people, you're so good with people, you're generous with your time, with your finances, with whatever. You're just generous. You want to go and you want to help feed people that, like, why is that burden on your heart? Cause you're built for it, man, and so you're just.
Speaker 1:This is what's going to be here this?
Speaker 2:is your life is going to be like this man. It's going to be good, it is good, right. Yeah, let me ask you this as we wrap it up man, we can go back 21 years and you run into this kid who is doing his first real kind of time on some vacuum cleaners. And you get to run into this guy and he needs, he can't really love because he needs so much. There's all this weird stuff. His life is mixed up because just a bunch of stuff. If you get to pull that guy close, what would you tell that guy, this sweet kid who barking up the wrong tree for all of his answers? What would you tell him?
Speaker 1:I tell that brother you're okay. I tell him you're okay, you are, you're not dirty, you're not disposable, that you are loved, that you're going to do great things, not because you're going to, you know what I'm saying. You're just going to do good things. You're going to have two beautiful daughters that you've been gifted. I would man, I almost just lost it because sometimes when I think of that kid man yeah, anybody out there that is either believing that about themselves or has a similar thing to that I just imagine the father wrapping their arms around. That's what I would do to him. I would just wrap, if you let me, if you let me wrap arms around him, and I know what I'm saying. I would just hold him and tell him that he's loved, that he's completely loved and that it's okay. Let all that, let all that stuff out. Just let it go. Bro, you got a father in heaven that loves you, and you may not want to hear that. You may not even understand that, but I'm not talking out the side of my neck. I would hold him, dude, I would completely hold him, and I would let that young man just wild out. Just let it drop.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying I mean your ministry. As you go forward, you're going to be able to reach people that I can't reach, and they're going to reach people that you can't reach, but still, those people that you need to reach, they need to be reached. And so my nets are down, and your nets are down, and Kelly's nets are down and Annabel's nets are down. We're going to get some fish right and your nets are down, bro, and I see that your nets are down and I love it, man. I love your heart and you're a blessing and you're a testimony that God has loved you real well it is.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful. I got to give a shout out to Thursday night. Shout out to Thursday night. If you're going to listen to this, you know who you are. I was going to embarrass Marla. I was too. I won't, Marla, you know what I'm talking about. You'll chuckle Anyways. Yeah, no, those people that you mentioned, Annabel Kelly yeah man Mindy, you remember Mindy, she's the best, yeah, huge. And if I'm not forgetting anybody, I'm just like yeah, man, they've been a big support in my corner, got a lot of love at this place. He gave me a family, bro.
Speaker 2:Aaron man, thank you so much for coming on here and sharing your story. You're, you've really been loved, my man, yeah.
Speaker 1:All right, Are we good? We're good, we are good, as I think the first time I heard of I think it was some chick with Justin You're a good tree, You're a good tree, Check this out. Even when I wake up in the mornings I would get my kids they my youngest. You'd always give me the side eye but I'd be like you're a good tree and lift up our arms and take a big breath and lift up the arms, Say you're a good tree. It's just cheesy, I'm cheesy man.
Speaker 2:You're a dad, bro, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's all right.
Speaker 2:I really love to hear Aaron's heart, and what I love about his heart is that, even though he's gone through all of this crazy stuff and I mean he did some time he did a couple bids, you know, and it wasn't just as easy as the first day you come in and the last day you go out. No, he did some time, but none of that is, it seems like, is the main highlight of his story. It's that God has saved him. And if you're you're struggling with this, like you think that you've done something too far or gone too far, I just want to encourage you in the gospel and one of the things that we have. If you're struggling, you want to know how is it possible that Aaron can receive that. It's the gospel that he heard that changed his life. You want to go to loverealityorg and start with wave one. Start with the first video, freedom from sin. Start there. But if you're in that place right now and you're struggling, just repeat this prayer Father in heaven, thank you for loving me, Thank you for loving me when I was against you, thank you for dying and shedding your blood for me while I was a sinner, and because the Bible says that your blood has healed me and forgiven me. Even though I'm struggling right now, I receive that by faith that I am loved and I am forgiven. While I may not feel it right now, I know it is true because you have said that it's true and I pray and believe this in Jesus's name.
Speaker 1:You're the one that I need. It's only you, it's only me Waking up to your memory.
Speaker 2:Your love is all I need. I feel it. You're the one that I need.
Speaker 1:You're the one that I need. I was broken by the avenues, the spirit of the spirit.
Speaker 2:I saw the power. You paid it out. I was blinded. I tried to see what the world had scheduled for me. Now I know your ways are better for me and you are what I found. No one else can complete it. In the middle of the storm, heart-brazen On the nights. I thought I wouldn't make it. Every time I lay it down, you'll take it. In the middle of the storm, heart-brazen On the nights. I thought I wouldn't make it.
Speaker 1:Every time I lay it down, you'll take it. I feel it Giving me life, giving me life. I feel it Giving me life, giving me life, giving me life.