Adam's journey from childhood belief to profound epiphanies in the Gospel showcases the transformative power of faith. His story, navigating young love and personal struggles, offers insight into the complexities faith can bring to relationships. Through scripture, Adam finds a redefined sense of purpose, culminating in an episode offering inspiration and a fresh perspective on faith, identity, and the pursuit of godliness.
0:00 - Transformation and Freedom Through the Gospel
21:45 - Teen Dating, Relationship Confusion, Finding Faith
30:49 - Early Graduation, Marriage, and Struggles
44:08 - Divorce, Freedom, and Faith Understanding
59:51 - The Life-Changing Power of the Gospel
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đź‘Ť LIKE us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alovereality
đź“· FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/riyoung31/
đź“š LEARN more at our site: lovereality.org
Adam's journey from childhood belief to profound epiphanies in the Gospel showcases the transformative power of faith. His story, navigating young love and personal struggles, offers insight into the complexities faith can bring to relationships. Through scripture, Adam finds a redefined sense of purpose, culminating in an episode offering inspiration and a fresh perspective on faith, identity, and the pursuit of godliness.
0:00 - Transformation and Freedom Through the Gospel
21:45 - Teen Dating, Relationship Confusion, Finding Faith
30:49 - Early Graduation, Marriage, and Struggles
44:08 - Divorce, Freedom, and Faith Understanding
59:51 - The Life-Changing Power of the Gospel
đź’° DONATE & SUPPORT our Ministry: lovereality.org/give
đź‘Ť LIKE us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alovereality
đź“· FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/riyoung31/
đź“š LEARN more at our site: lovereality.org
The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is death to life.
Speaker 2:All the things that I thought were supposed to change was like you know, I'm coming to Jesus and to God so that I can have a successful career, have a loving marriage. Have, you know, no circumstances, or if I have a circumstance, I'd have breakthrough and deliverance like really quickly because of faith and authority, and like this was kind of the mindset before, whereas now I was like my circumstances just very quickly didn't matter.
Speaker 1:Yo, this is the death to life podcast. My name is Big Rich and today's episode is with Adam, and Adam is married to Courtney. Courtney was on here maybe two months ago, maybe a little less, but Courtney's story was incredible. And now we get the chance to hear her husband's side of the story and it's a common tale, but true. So so many of us are get caught up with guilt, shame and condemnation, but Adam describes how God set him free. So buckle up, strap in Love. Y'all Appreciate y'all here, adam. So where does your story start, man?
Speaker 2:If we're going to go back, oh gosh, I was thinking about this. You know where to start and I guess I just go back to. You know where it all began. I got saved. You know I grew up in a, a God believing. You know God fearing. You know what you consider a Christian home was in church. You know basically the moment I was born, so I was raised in church. I officially accepted Jesus into my heart about the age of six, but yeah, so I've never really known anything outside of church. Who was God?
Speaker 1:Who was God at six, just like.
Speaker 2:He was a good Bible story. I guess you could say he was a like the hero of the story, like he was the good guy I had an understanding of, like he loved me, but I really didn't understand like who he was at all at that point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not sure that's possible. I guess there's some super mature six-year-olds Not me like I think we all kind of grew up that way. But you grew up in in church, going to church every week, yeah so I just that was a very normal thing.
Speaker 2:You know, my older siblings and my parents were, you know, serving in church. So that was kind of the model I had set before me of this is just like a regular thing we do. We go to church, we serve, we're involved, you know, we listen, we learn. But yeah, that was basically just so. I'm very familiar with just church culture and I felt like we were there all the time and we were there, you know, like three days a week between serving, attending. You know, my mom and different members of my family were on like the choir or like the worship team, so there was practices they had to attend during the week for service. So yeah, we were there all the time.
Speaker 1:And did this like have a like a happy childhood, that growing up in this way.
Speaker 2:I would say for the most part, yeah, my childhood wasn't really bad. As far as I would say. It seems very average, Sure, Not like wow, amazing like, but not horrible either. Like I grew up having pretty pretty good relationships with both my parents. I mean, especially when I was younger, my dad was absent a lot because of work. He worked a lot, he was a very hard worker, so he wasn't around as much, but we still had lots of good moments and good times and I felt like like anybody's parents they were ups, they were downs. There's definitely things I remember that weren't good, things that I could say that I really liked. So, yeah, average, shout out, I guess.
Speaker 1:So yeah, keep telling the story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, you know, six years old, accepted Jesus I'm getting, you know, just growing up in church and I remember it was probably around, I want to say it was around eight or nine. I was still pretty young when I had my first like I guess you could say spiritual experience. I remember being in kids' class and something caught my eye and then, like I'm looking straight ahead While the teacher's teaching, I'm not really paying attention, kind of zoning out, and then I began to cry and my friend was like concerned about me, like man, you okay, and I told him that I had just saw a demon and it was like freaking me out. I was like I don't know what this is or whatever, like I just knew it was not like good. So, you know, some of the you know helpers and stuff assisted me downstairs to like my parents and there was, I think, some people from like pastoral care, that like was checking on me, making sure I was okay. They prayed with me, but I was really freaked out and I just remember that distinctly, whether it was real or in my head, I that's what I saw. Well, what was it? It's kind of odd because there's been multiple people that I've heard stories of in my life that have seen the same thing. But basically it looked like a little like I don't even know how to explain almost like a gremlin type monkey with like it was like all like shadowy and had just blazing red eyes. And I just knew. Whenever I looked at it I just felt fear, I felt afraid. Yikes dude. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Before you go on with the story have you ever had an experience like that since then?
Speaker 2:No, that was my well I will say. I mean we could probably discuss this later on. But in adulthood there's been moments where I've had I've recognized like a spirit of fear or just like a weird type of spiritual warfare, like I've woken, like woke up from a good nightmare or something and recognized what it was and just it was kind of one of those moments where I just was like thank you God, you know, I don't have this spirit of fear and just kind of spent time just communing with Father. You know. But yeah, in adulthood I've had some weird just like things like that happen. Yeah, so I have this moment. They, they pray with me. So just a little backstory context to this. The building that we were in, where our church was, was in this refurbished like warehouse building that was turned into a church. There was another side to the warehouse and then there was another warehouse like further back in the lot. So like come to find out like there was some like wild stuff going on and like the warehouse behind us and like they got dealt with, but like that was basically what they attributed to like the whole incident.
Speaker 1:They really believed it was a demon.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you believe it? I believe I honestly. Because of the amount of fear and just what I saw in me, and because I've heard similar stories of people seeing a similar type thing, I felt it was confirmed in, like my mind that it was. Hmm. Well, yeah, so that was kind of like my first, like weird, just kind of spiritual encounter, but then everything from there kind of goes downhill. So a nine years old I guess we'll just dive right in. A nine years old is actually whenever I became addicted to pornography.
Speaker 1:That's when you got addicted, or that's when you first saw it.
Speaker 2:I mean that's when it started.
Speaker 1:I guess you could say that's when I was first exposed to it and quickly picked up on the habit of watching Sure, so yeah that was kind of Was this just like a cousin or just like you were in the library, or I mean, you don't have to tell me.
Speaker 2:No, no, this was honestly just like a. It was an innocent encounter in the sense of like ads and things popped up on like I was on a computer by myself. Back then, protection software and things like that were not as savvy and available, and so, yeah, I was messed around on a computer, started seeing things which prompted to want to see more things, and then eventually, what was a stumbling upon became a actively searching for For sure yeah. Here. No, I mean, honestly, I was so young I just had no understanding of even like the feelings, like at that point I hadn't even had like those type of conversations with my parents yet. Really, I was homeschooled, so I was also in some aspects sheltered in the sense of like I didn't get bombarded with as much stuff as you might hear in public schools Right At a younger age, and so, yeah, I was like not familiar with any of that.
Speaker 1:Are there no public schools in Ohio? Everyone from Ohio I know is homeschooled.
Speaker 2:I mean I grew up with the public schoolers like, but it's not the same as like I mean a lot of the kids in my family, or sorry, a lot of the kids in my neighborhood that grew up around my family kind of knew us. I was like the Christian family on the block. Okay. You know, like there was some, we'd invite people to church. You know people will come to church with us and stuff. So yeah, I think, even just knowing that that was kind of how our family was, they were even more conscious of like swearing around us. So even though I grew up around public school kids, it was like they kind of had this idea of who we were. We were like the religious family. So don't, like you know, be careful what you say around them.
Speaker 1:So, with this experience, how quickly did you figure out that this was like something you shouldn't be doing?
Speaker 2:I definitely caught on to that. I would say, within months, you know, I realized like this is something I shouldn't be doing, even because I had the what's wild and obviously we can speak to the sinful nature and how we get taught by it. From so early on and without even understanding, knowing, like I had the, I already had like the understanding of the knowledge that it needed to be hidden. Like this was something, like you know, it wasn't something I was gonna like to talk about or, like you know, it was something that I knew, that like this had to be hidden, right. So I feel like I knew pretty quickly it was wrong, but the desires just kept coming. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, sit like the flesh means you're born, sold under sin and your human desires are. They're kind of ruled by sin. And yeah, there's you don't. You don't know why you're doing what you're doing and when you want to stop. You can't figure out why you can't stop right. Exactly Yep how long were you able to keep this hidden?
Speaker 2:Honestly, for Probably years, like there were a couple, I think there was a couple times when, like my mom or my dad might have caught something on like the computer. I mean, when you're younger you're not as savvy and know how to like hide stuff and so like there's a couple times and they would find something and I Would kind of get in trouble and then so kind of fast forward then like around obviously 12 Is like whenever I Got, I guess, the coming of age talk with my father and and some of these things I was giving some understanding to, as well as like a don't do this, don't do that, type of Understanding of just like this is wrong, this is, we don't do that, and and was it was it as crazy, awkward as as my parents talk with me Like we're dads, right?
Speaker 1:Why can't we like are we gonna be able to have but Like a normal talk with our kids, or does it have to be that weird Thing?
Speaker 2:maybe yours wasn't weird, I mean it was a little odd and weird in the sense of like I Was basically my dad did it when we were on a drive, so there was nowhere I could go Stuck on the car with them. But, uh, honestly, like I Feel like having a healthy understanding and knowledge now, and like identity and foundation there's multiple like Perspectives I feel like I can come, come at it from and like help them understand in like a better way. Cuz, yeah, the way I got it was just like a do and don't. It was like a Very you know law, like you could say it's very just like don't do this. Well, of course I want to do that, but, like you know, that's kind of how it was.
Speaker 1:Hmm, so then, after that, did you feel shame at all when you?
Speaker 2:for sure, definitely so, like so fast-forwarding. As a 12 years old, I Started dealing with you know other things, fits of rage I Started struggling with just I Mean I just there's only. There's a one distinct moment that I have, and I just remember being downstairs in my house, my mom was sitting on the couch, my brother was there and and I just kind of like let out like a Crazy, like scream, yell, like rage, just just complete rage, and it kind of freaked everyone out because it just kind of came out of nowhere. And I just remember like my mom and my brother was just like Coming over and like just immediately start praying with me, hmm, and so then I fast-forward 12 and a half, I go to my first youth camp and of course I'm Perfect, I'm this good Christian kid that you know. There's nothing going on and I just love Jesus and I just wouldn't know more about Jesus and I Don't know if I was going to camp for Friends or to check a box because I'm supposed to or because I really needed help and and so I'm being sent. But that was kind of like a a different experience for me as well, that was. I started having more of a. So these camps that we'd go to like we'd learn a lot about like Bible and just different things, and we have, like these worship services and there'd be people getting, like you know, falling out in the spirit or drunk and the spirit and just different things, and that was kind of like the experience. Mm-hmm that I had and it was just a very interesting like Youth camps were very much like a Come, get filled up with like the Holy Spirit and fire and like, and Then like after a month Basically it would like fade away and then like, once that was gone it was like man, I can't wait till next year right. There's very much. So, living from moment to moment, experience to experience, I'm trying to keep that fire burning, mm-hmm. So Fast forward a little in a little further, obviously. Get into my teenage years. I had dated one person prior to Courtney. It was dating technically, I mean, we hung out a lot. It was, we were too young to be dating, for sure, I mean, if we were together for probably about eight months and I just remember when, like the relationship ended I Mean obviously with like hormones and different things and, of course, just no maturity and no understanding and everything like I Was just like emotionally wrecked, like my friends probably hated to be around me at that time of my life because I was just like I Was crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what happened after that?
Speaker 2:so yeah. So after that I Kind of just had made a decision. I was just like I Kind of just woke up finally, in which it was the help of friends and obviously just like I Was the eye, this is just dumb. I was like I'm too young for any of this. I don't even want to date. I Was, like you know, I grew up from like a like my family didn't really Believe in dating per se, at least not till you were like actually of age to consider something serious. So I just was like I'm done with this, I don't want to experience that again. So I just like I just want to focus on, like, my relationship with God. I just want to start to learn more about this. I want to start reading my Bible more, and so over the next like year, that was really like my focus Until the next youth camp. Then you saw, her.
Speaker 1:You saw her standing there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I Saw her sleeping there On the bus right home.
Speaker 1:I'm like that's creepy. How did you get into the cabin?
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no. So we, me and a friend of mine, we're sitting on one side of the bus and then another friend of mine and Courtney were on the other side and my two friends were talking like across me, over me, and at one point I was like, do you just, do you want to switch seats? And and so we switched seats. And then I'm sitting there and I look down and she's sleeping and I look at her and Literally the thought popped in my head like you're gonna marry her, and I was like I'm like Satan, give my me, like what the heck?
Speaker 1:it's like for us come.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like why am I having this thought right now? This is the most random thing that ever popped in my head. But I bet you thought about that the day you got engaged into oh, we've talked about that stories and it was gosh a story to tell the kids someday. Yeah right. So it was. That was in June and then in August, like our youth group was putting on like this, this production. It was like a custom production, like a play, and we both decided to act in it and so we'd be coming to all the practices and stuff. So we started hanging out and we got each other's numbers, we started texting, we started calling and talk, it all the time I Need to see a photo of you guys from this time.
Speaker 1:Oh Gosh, you have to text me one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a whole different look, but yeah, so I mean that we got together and and yeah it was, it was lust at first sight. So so it is but you know we dated for we dated for three years. It was definitely an uphill battle, obviously getting all the oh, you're too young, like you guys should weigh, and obviously everyone was right. But in the moment, at the time, I was like no, we can do this, like I didn't tell you anything. Yeah. The more he told us no, the more like oh, we're gonna prove you wrong.
Speaker 1:That kind of young love, if you could bottle it and sell it, because like you're, just, like nobody can stop us, like our feelings are so strong that it can overcome anything. And then you don't understand how the world works. Yeah, you think this is nothing. We got it right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we just, we figured, we just figured out as we go.
Speaker 1:How was the like? I mean, you heard her episode. She had you on a pedestal and then when you would push things like talk to me about the physical side, like guilt, shame, and then to go with the addiction that you were suffering with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, so I. You know we started. We started pretty quickly. I mean, we weren't together very long that we started being physical. She felt the need to please me, to keep me interested. I didn't, I didn't have like this mindset of like she owed it to me or like like anything like that wasn't trying to lord this thing over her. This was. It was all again a new experience in a way for me because, like I was supposed to be like this good Christian kid, right and aside from like my hidden shame and sin that I was dealing with like on the surface, like like this is stuff the world does. You don't do this. And so I had, like in my head, these standards of where I was supposed to be like and essentially so, whenever you know we've messed around or whatever, like there would there be this shame of like man, like all my friends, all my church leaders, all these people that I love and care about, think I'm one thing now I'm just living a lie. And but the feelings I had that I was getting from this attention and this affection, it was like something that it was like became like validation. It was like I felt loved, and I felt loved and appreciated from just this physical affection and. But there'd be times, there'd be moments where it's like it would go on, and then I'd be like no, we got to stop, like we know this isn't right. We got to stop. And she's like, okay, okay, and then, like we go right back into it, you know, a little while later, because we just couldn't stop, and and then of course there was that thought in the back of her head so like, oh well, we're gonna, we're gonna get married some day anyways, so it'll be fine. Like it'll all be basically redeemed at that moment, like like it's not. It was like in our heads it's not sin or it's not wrong if we're actually technically gonna get married.
Speaker 1:So I mean, we were, we were already acting as if we were married right so fast forward now we weren't all just like the same person, like it feels like everybody deals with this and everyone's quiet about it, right? Oh yeah, who's talking about this stuff? Like your, your, your, your Sunday school leader. Were they like like what chance does anybody have? Because no one's talking about it? Right, everybody's by themselves and everyone's dealing with it Exactly?
Speaker 2:We're all alone, but we're all on this together, mercy, oh man. So yeah, it was a mess, but so we, we both graduated high school early, she, her and I both. Just like I guess you could say, a benefit to homeschooling was that we got to kind of do more school at our own pace, and so both her and I had gone ahead a year, so we graduated early.
Speaker 1:How old were you when you graduated high school?
Speaker 2:We were both 17.
Speaker 1:It's pretty young man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we, we graduated 17. She went the college route. Everybody was telling me to go to college. I basically took that to. I'll prove you wrong and I can do this without college. And at 18, I got my first job and there were people in my life at the time that thought I should have to work in since I was 16 and have my driver's license and car since I was 16. But that wasn't how you know, it happened for me. But uh, no. So yeah, I got my first job at 18 and then, as I was almost 19, when I started working at the bank and it was like, oh man, like he's, he's at, he's at like an official job, like you can have a career there.
Speaker 1:Were you just a bank teller, or what were you doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just started off as a bank teller and just kind of moved my way up. But that a fun job I I really I can speak to. I've been at it for 11 years now, so I guess, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're still doing it.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely, yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Um, so yeah it uh. So I got like a job at the bank, she went into the medical field. Her mother is a nurse and so, um, and the other people in her family are in the medical field, so just kind of was the natural route for her and we got married at 19. Um, and you know, that's again having the mindset of getting married. This will fix everything and, um, of course, not fixing anything. Uh, really just making things worse.
Speaker 1:So um, did she know anything about your addiction?
Speaker 2:I don't think she knew really much about it, if at all, until we were, uh, married. Honestly, um, I don't think she knew about any of that until until we, after we were married and partially probably also why it was so hurtful too um was like, oh, you know, we're newlyweds, we should be, you know, like all about each other. But then I was just like you, boo, in 22, you know, I'm just like while and out in my, my sin, um. So, yeah, I know she didn't know about it before.
Speaker 1:So, did she? Did you end up talking to her about her? Did she catch you? And they're like oh, I have to say that I have struggled, but it's not a current struggle like that's the old, give them a little bit so they don't get. The whole thing is is that how it went down?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was kind of one of those things where it was like, uh, like I had to admit to the instance and the things that was caught about, but I didn't have to talk about all the other instances, and so it's like I'll give you a little just so you know that I've messed up, but I didn't need you to know, like the extent of how bad I was. Right, how'd that?
Speaker 1:go. How'd you handle that?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you know it was um, it was bad Tears, hurt obviously. Um, you know how could, in that time, without the understanding we have now, like it was just very much like uh, you know, I thought you loved me and how, you know how could you do this? We just got married and, like, um, I very quickly began to fall from that pedestal. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So what happened so?
Speaker 2:uh, we lived, I mean honestly, we lived like that for eight years. Um, you know, it was literally like I mean I got better at managing it. Um, I would go further and further in between instances. Um, you know, I again very involved in church. Um, you know, seeing on the worship team, involved in youth group, um, I mean even teaching at times. Uh, and you know I was, I was super involved in church, um, always like from a serving standpoint and sometimes even a leadership standpoint. So, um, yeah, and and nobody obviously knew about this. And then, on top of you know the, the sexual sin that I was dealing with, um financial struggles, um, I mean all the just the there was some depression in there. Um life just wasn't shaping up to be like, based off of my understanding of what I believed, like life didn't look great. Right. I was like this just doesn't seem like, based off of what I'm hearing, based off of what I'm, how I, how I was interpreting scriptures and things like at the time, like nothing was matching up in my life with with what my understanding was, um. So you know he was a very uh. There's a lot of emotional times, a lot of arguing between Courtney and I, a lot of um me going on walks by by myself kind of crying out to God, like you know I'm. Why am I struggling with the sin? You know I love you. I don't, I don't want this in my life. I don't. I see it's hurting my family and you know I'm supposed to be like the provider for my, my family and you know I'm struggling in that area too and just so, it's like one of those things where it's just like I was, like I. I started searching everywhere, like I was. It wasn't just the church I was going to. I was listening to so many different pastors and preachers and seeking answers I I was trying to find because, unfortunately, pastors and teachers pulpits were my God. I would hear what they said and I would see results in success in different people's lives. To me that meant it was true. I literally went after it 100%, trying to find you know why isn't it working for me? And you know, the understanding that I had was very much so a if your life doesn't look like this, you're either not in faith, you're not fully persuaded of what Scripture says, or you're in sin, or you have unforgiveness. There's something that's cutting you off from the blessing of God. Because in the Old Covenant, deuteronomy 28, was a very key part of doctrine, of my old understanding, and it was just like you have to, in order. You have all these promises in the Word and like you have this faith and authority to exercise and to stand on these promises that you have. And if you are fully persuaded, it'll show up, it'll work. I mean, you might have a part to play in that, like God might tell you to go, do something or whatever, but ultimately, this is how it should work in your life, and there's, you know, different aspects of just how that all functioned. It was a. It was almost like a formula or like a process of how to obtain this, and I think, ultimately in my mind, like I was seeking these things because I thought it would make me right, not understanding that like my life. Looking right wouldn't actually make me right with God or fix any of my issues.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's tough.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So at one point I kind of just came to the end of myself and I was like this isn't working. I know there's gotta be more to this and I just accepted. I mean, there's, there was one preacher and teacher that I listened to that he would always say teachings should never supersede thought, basically meaning like someone teaching you shouldn't supersede your ability to think for yourself. And it was like he was giving me permission to question when I believed and when I was hearing and actually seek in the word for, like the first time, answers. And so that's basically what I did. I cut off all sources that I'd been listening to and I was like I need to figure this out for myself because up to this point my whole belief system and understanding is based off of everyone else says and I have no relationship, no understanding for myself. So that's when I started actually getting into the word and Courtney was already kind of on this journey where she had also come to the end of herself. You know, at the end of I think it was 20, 21, I think it was.
Speaker 1:Did you know much about? If you haven't heard Courtney's story, I recommend you go listen to it. Did you know much about? Like her considering taking her own life and all that stuff?
Speaker 2:No, I mean, I knew things were rough between us. I knew the marriage was rough. I know she was stressed. I didn't know the extent of it, but yeah, basically at the end of that year she was ready to divorce me and her life. She just thought, you know, we'd be better off. And I and it's kind of a similar thing like not willing to end my life, but just in this desperation was like I know there's got to be more and I'm not giving up until I find it.
Speaker 1:And so can I say something real quick about divorce? Yeah, and I'm. This is here's a caveat. I'm not talking about abuse physical, mental, spiritual abuse. I'm just talking about disagreement. I think that the studies show that people are not happier after they divorce. Like, just like marriage wasn't the answer to your problems, Right, Divorce is not the answer to your problems. Like I said, the caveat there we're not talking about physical, mental, spiritual abuse. We're talking about not getting along and falling out of love. Right Before you go that route, find out who you are in Christ.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah it's. You know, at the time I didn't understand like I can look back now and realize like, oh, like, yeah, like I married, like even thinking about like the vows, like I married her because I loved her, not because she loved me. I married her because I desired her, not because she desired me. And before if I said I loved you or you know, it was really like I was saying I need you, like I love you as long as you give me love back. But the moment we get frustration and arguments and things and like suddenly you don't love me anymore and so yeah, so it was just a very toxic thing and it was a downward spiral and it took me getting to the end of myself and honestly I'm so thankful that I did, because until that pride and that that thing I mean it doesn't have to happen this way for people but for me, like until I actually recognized my need for Jesus, until I actually got to the point where I was like all right, let's just take everything I've ever known and basically like set it aside and let's actually find out what is true. Until I had that heart and that in that intent and wanted to actually seek him for him and know what he wants, and I could only credit that to him. Like he was drawing me the whole time and you know I wasn't listening, and it took me getting to the end of myself to finally hear him and do this. You know, get into the word. And that's when everything started to change and understanding finally started to set in. I started reading things in Romans. I started reading things in Colossians. I started reading so much and it was contradicting the majority of what I believed. Then I was faced with a decision well, do I continue to believe what I believe or do I stop conforming the word to what I believe and actually let what I believe be transformed by what it's saying?
Speaker 1:You just started reading the Bible and understanding it.
Speaker 2:There were parts to it. Then that's when Braden and Savannah and the Bible study came into the picture. He had come to an understanding of freedom from sin and righteousness by faith through the avenue of purity. That's the first thing of how he started to understand it. We started going. He started sharing this with us. A lot of the way that I came through understanding righteousness by faith and freedom from sin was not just purity but it was circumstances. He was already leading us down that path. Whenever Braden had shared some things with us in Scripture and Romans and helped, we started talking through this and stuff and something just in my spirit it just resonated. I was like, wow, this is it. It wasn't what Braden was saying, but it was what he was reading in Scripture. As we were reading it together, it just clicked. I was like, wow, this is it. That was the beginning of understanding of wow, I'm actually free from sin, I'm righteous by faith. It's not about who I am, what I've done, all my past experiences. It was a mind-blowing. I was like, oh my gosh, this has been here the whole time. I probably read through Romans multiple times. We were taught in church growing up Romans Road is a big thing. You use that to help minister people and lead them to the Lord. I had read Romans so many times, but there was never any understanding there of like.
Speaker 1:I was afraid of it.
Speaker 2:You were afraid of it.
Speaker 1:I was. I was afraid, I was like I didn't read it. I was just like it's hard to understand. That's what I always thought.
Speaker 2:Yes, Definitely that excuse and for me too, was like I don't understand what it's saying. I know I'm supposed to read these. I could probably quote all the highlighted like quotable verses that everyone knew and would say, but when it came to actually reading I was like this sounds good, but I have no idea what I'm reading.
Speaker 1:Right, no man, no idea what I was reading, but now it's starting to make sense.
Speaker 2:Yes, so now.
Speaker 1:So then it was like what was the first chapter that you started to grab ahold of?
Speaker 2:Colossians 3, which was fire, and then going back from that into Romans 5 through 8, I felt like really was started to break things down as understanding of not even just that I'm free from sin and I'm righteous by faith, but why that is and under the law and with sin and that, being my old teacher and that old identity, everything started to click. I began to see this is why I've been thinking this way for so long. Things started to make sense as to why I was that way, why I was thinking that way and believed that way. Because, not being super religious or even Jewish or someone that was familiar with law by any extent, I literally was just ignorant of why I was the way I was. And so, in Romans, breaking down a lot of that, I was like, wow, this makes sense. I understand now why I've been struggling this whole time.
Speaker 1:Now Colossians 3, colossians. 3, colossians is so crazy. I never knew that I never, knew how these things were the way they are.
Speaker 2:I love Colossians. Now I mean, I go back and read it all the time, but it was fire.
Speaker 1:So is Courtney getting this as well? What was the timeline? Were you getting it first or was she getting it first?
Speaker 2:I think she was probably getting it first because it was the end of 2021 and she—and at the beginning of the next year she said I'm going to read the Bible every day, I'm going to take notes, I'm going to journal and I'm just going to let the Spirit show me what he wants to show me. Basically, she was coming at it from a standpoint of like God, show me, you're real, and he did. I don't think I started down that path until probably June, so she was in January and then I was like six months behind her in June. That—no, I will say this like seeing her diligence and pursuing the Lord and taking notes. We would have conversations. She would talk to me about what she was learning or what she was seeing, and it ministered to me. It did. It meant a lot to me to see her doing that. It was kind of thinking back, almost to like—the scripture that talks about the unbelieving wife leading her husband back to the Lord and then the unbelieving husband If you stand in a standing firm and loving and leading your spouse back to the Lord. I was thinking about her pursuit of the Lord and her diligence every day to take time and seeing Jesus actually matter more to her than I did, in an odd way actually ministered to me, because I was like—because I grew up understanding that that was what it was supposed to look like. Loving Him was supposed to matter more to us than even our spouse. But I never really saw that modeled. I just think that no one had that understanding. So it really—yeah, it meant a lot to me to see her doing that. In June is when everything began to click for me, and then in October was when the Bible study started.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're going to take a quick break from this Death to Life episode and I'm going to bring on my brother, harold Alomia. Some people call him Pastor. Harold Harold, how long has it been that you've been rocking with this good, good gospel?
Speaker 4:Good, good gospel, I'm going— yeah, I'm going to—five years. In September, on September 15th, I will be five years rocking with this—no Wait. 2019? No, it is, it's five years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's five years, so that's a lot of years, pastor, what has this message done for your life, would you say?
Speaker 4:Man. It's—where do I start? I think one of the most important things is just it has been—it's given me the ability to understand that I am fully loved, that I was—and that I don't have to be doing a whole lot of things to continue to be loved. It has allowed me to understand that my righteousness comes from Christ and that, because I believe that I am free from sin, I get to live according to the righteousness that's been given to me, and it's just a great thing to grow in revelation after revelation of what God does and how he loves us.
Speaker 1:And yeah, that's the first thing you can't unsee it now, can you? You can't unsee it, could you?
Speaker 4:No, you cannot. Once you see it, it's like you know all my life till—yeah, you know, till I was 40—I turned 40 in 2019—I would read Romans 6, but I would read only like 23,. Yes, the wages of sin, amen, brother, and Romans 7 didn't make a whole lot of sense. And then Romans 8 was so hopeful, right, it was like, yes, one day—no, it's not. One day it's not. And one day we will finally be rid of these bodies. We will see Him face to face. Our hope will be made real, like it'll be palpable, as palpable as anything.
Speaker 1:But it's now you get to live—that's now, holiness of now, now, and that's just—it's life altering yes, so you've given up your time, your resources, your energy to keep this gospel moving forward With love reality. Why is that important to you?
Speaker 4:Because people need to know. They need to know you know I'm going to totally steal the you know the chosen line from their Christmas special. They need to know. People need to know. Yeah, no, people need to know. That's why Because if you don't know, then you're going to be—if you don't know where you start, you're not going to run well. And you need to know where you start. You need to know where you start so you can run well, and if you don't know where you start, that you look—your life starts in victory, your life starts in acceptance, your life starts in freedom. Then you're not going to run well and it's just not going to go well for you.
Speaker 1:So— I've been there, I've been there, you've been there, I've been there. If you guys are interested in hearing Harold, he doesn't have just one. He has two episodes on the Death of Life podcast, so check those out. But if you want to partner with us in moving this gospel forward into 2020, for and beyond, go to loverealityorg slash give that's loverealityorg slash give and partner with us so we can move forward. If this gospel hasn't changed your life, don't worry, you just haven't heard it yet. When you hear it.
Speaker 4:Don't change your life right, that's—yes, that is very, very true. It hasn't changed your life. I haven't heard it yet.
Speaker 1:That's right. Well, thank you, my friend, appreciate you.
Speaker 4:Love you man.
Speaker 1:Love you, doc. So then, what ended up changing in your life, man?
Speaker 2:Yeah, everything it was—all the things that I thought were supposed to change was, like you know, come to Jesus so that your life can look this way, that your circumstances become good, that you know he's a good father, he has good things for you, he wants you to have a great life here on earth. And that was kind of like my mindset before of like I'm coming to Jesus and to God so that I can have a successful career, have a loving marriage, have, you know, no circumstances or, if I have a circumstance, I'd have breakthrough and deliverance like really quickly because of faith and authority. And like this was kind of the mindset before, because now I was like— my circumstances just very quickly didn't matter. I was like I don't, I trusted in him and I'm a hard like. I'm a hard worker Like I. That was instilled in me by my dad, so I was still going to work hard for my family, but I no longer felt like I needed to try to take on the role of providing. I was now just letting the Lord lead me and trusting in him. And I learned to be content Like true, true godliness and contentness. And contentment is itself great wealth, and I learned that Even through my trials, I learned that like, wow, like, if I go through a struggle financially or emotionally or something, something that is going on in my life, I can still have peace, I still have joy, I can still love others and not let the circumstances and the things of life change what he's done inside me. I experienced it was no longer Lord, but Jesus became Lord. I no longer desired sin. I you know like the actual desires and motives changed. A lot of times we talk about the, about sin and the power it had, from an aspect of committing sins, but a lot of people don't think about the other effects of sin and how it keeps you living self-centered and selfishly and for selfish desires and motives. And like, because there are many people that can manage committing sin very well and maybe even like to a point where they don't deal with it very often or at all, but they're still in sin because they're still living for self. They're still that they, you know they've lulled themselves into a false righteousness, and that was part of what I was dealing with too was selfish motives. It was all about me and like trying to make my life better instead of giving him my life, dying with him, so that I could have new life and actually understand what love is, what love looks like Like he he wrecked me, like he just literally overwhelming gave me a revelation of his love for me and his forgiveness towards me and from that I was able to see others rightly. I was able to not only see myself rightly, I was able to see others rightly. I was able to actually tell my wife I love you and mean it. So yeah, my life has been turned upside down.
Speaker 1:How long ago. How long have you been walking in this thing now?
Speaker 2:I've had this understanding two to three years now and even since then like like growing and understanding. Like it started with, like the freedom from sin and righteous by faith, and it built upon that. Like we gained more and more understanding, like when we started reading through scripture and understanding really the benefit of like confessing your sins, like I'd always confessed my sin to God before, and like privately, because it was like I don't, I don't want to tell everyone else like my sin, even though, like I'm willing to confess it to God but I don't want to tell someone else about it, because there was still like that shame and embarrassment. But then like realizing like oh no, like I can confess this, I can talk about this boldly now because that person's no longer living, and like the confessing my sin was just like the cleansing of my conscience and just like it was like the set. It was another part of just severing myself from that old identity of like oh yeah, like I'm going to confess this to you because this was old me and that's no longer who I am anymore and it allowed lies to be exposed, of still things that I like wasn't believing or understanding correctly and allowed, like you know, my brother or sister in Christ to actually speak truth into me, and so, yeah, I'd say two to three years now I had this understanding and just been growing in it, and it's just been so exciting.
Speaker 1:Praise the Lord, bro. Oh man, where are we going to go back? Where does old? Where are we going to jump to the time machine?
Speaker 2:The time machine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if we go back and we talk to old Adam, maybe this guy who's in the middle of this lot to get divorced before he knew the truth and going on these walks trying to get God, to get you out of this predicament, you run into that guy and you sit down with him. What do you, what are you going to tell him?
Speaker 2:I mean honestly, like I would want to tell him not just how much God loves him, because I feel like people say that all the time, like Jesus loves you, and there's no way that you can say that to someone and it have anywhere near the effect of actually having a revelation of his love for you but I would want to say, if you're done living for you, let me show you something that will truly satisfy you and that will change your life in ways you could never imagine. It was better than I could ever ask, think or imagine. Like this was the thing I always needed and the only thing that could ever satisfy. But I never wanted and it was the thing that I didn't know that I needed. You know Jesus, literally he became my everything. You know, like he, he is my promise, he is, he's my, my provision, he's my joy, he's my peace and I, you know he gave me his spirit and these incredible blessings and the fruit of his spirit that are imperishable, the things that will never, will never leave me. You know he made me new and I just I would want that that person to know that there's so much more to life than what they think they want.
Speaker 1:Praise the Lord, bro. Praise the Lord. Is there anything else you want the people of God to know?
Speaker 2:Honestly, when it comes down to it, there's a lot of loving, kind, sincere people in our lives. They all have thoughts, free will, opinions and beliefs, but at the end of the day, I would want to just say cut off all the sources and let there be one to actually teach you, go to the word for yourself and let his spirit show you what is actually true. There's only one way and in a world full of communication, miscommunication, misperception, you want to go to those source.
Speaker 1:And he loves you right.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Thanks for coming on, man. You're a blessing.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me, man.
Speaker 1:While that resonated with me about circumstances, as I was listening to Adam speak. Too much of the time, I've judged my life based on how it's going circumstantially, and I've allowed myself, even while walking in freedom, to feel sorry for myself. If that is you, then this prayer is for you, father, thank you that you've given me everything. You've given it all to me, and sometimes, when I don't realize that, I feel sorry for myself and I feel like you owe me something, but you don't owe me anything because you've given me everything. Help me to see that truth the way you see it. Help me to see that victory as you see it, as you've given to me in Jesus's name, amen. Hey, I want to invite you to check out our YouTube page. We have a thing called Wave 2 on there. It's something that we recorded together in Portland Oregon, maybe three years ago, and it's really good and we spent a lot of time on it. Check it out on the playlist on YouTube. I think you're going to be blessed by it. I think you'll love it. Check out Wave 2 on YouTube. Thanks Bye. Thanks Bye.