Summary: Jadra's touching story of overcoming depression and embracing God's truth is a testament to this healing power. Our conversation explores the impact of religious shame on our perception of God's love. Jadra's journey towards freedom and breaking generational shame sheds light on the essence of a profound relationship with God. We also delve into the reality of post-marriage loneliness and the fulfillment found in Jesus alone. This powerful testimony celebrates God's love, grace, and the life-changing impact of the gospel, inspiring others to seek freedom and understanding through a personal relationship with Jesus.
View more resources on our website!
TimeStamps:
0:01 - From Lies to Truth
13:13 - Religious Shame and Unconditional Love
23:34 - Finding Faith and Freedom From Lies
35:18 - Discovering the Power of the Gospel
49:34 - Depression and Overcoming Lies
1:03:04 - Believing in the Gospel's Power
1:08:01 - Finding Freedom and Encouragement Through Faith
1:21:59 - Comin' Out for the Fight
Keywords: Faith, God's unconditional love, Gospel, Depression, Boarding school, Conservative environment, Christianity, Religious shame, Law and Jesus, True identity, Generational shame, Loneliness after marriage.
Find Dusty Boys at https://www.lovereality.org/podcasts then cancel them!
Summary: Jadra's touching story of overcoming depression and embracing God's truth is a testament to this healing power. Our conversation explores the impact of religious shame on our perception of God's love. Jadra's journey towards freedom and breaking generational shame sheds light on the essence of a profound relationship with God. We also delve into the reality of post-marriage loneliness and the fulfillment found in Jesus alone. This powerful testimony celebrates God's love, grace, and the life-changing impact of the gospel, inspiring others to seek freedom and understanding through a personal relationship with Jesus.
View more resources on our website!
TimeStamps:
0:01 - From Lies to Truth
13:13 - Religious Shame and Unconditional Love
23:34 - Finding Faith and Freedom From Lies
35:18 - Discovering the Power of the Gospel
49:34 - Depression and Overcoming Lies
1:03:04 - Believing in the Gospel's Power
1:08:01 - Finding Freedom and Encouragement Through Faith
1:21:59 - Comin' Out for the Fight
Keywords: Faith, God's unconditional love, Gospel, Depression, Boarding school, Conservative environment, Christianity, Religious shame, Law and Jesus, True identity, Generational shame, Loneliness after marriage.
Find Dusty Boys at https://www.lovereality.org/podcasts then cancel them!
This is From Death to Life with Richard Young, and I'm Richard Young. On today's episode, we meet Jadra. Jadra's story is a story of a girl who believed lies for most of her life that led her into a deep and dark depression, and on today's episode she reveals how truth pulled her out of that depression and how she's never looked back Once again. this episode may not be suitable for younger years, but we're excited that you're here and we hope that you're blessed by the testimony of Jadra that God is love.
Speaker 3:I was raised Adventist so, pretty typical, went to a little Adventist school in St Joseph Missouri. I grew up in that church and so the church school is really small. and so for high school I lived in a small town, savannah, missouri, north of St Joseph, and so we ended up going to public school because it was, you know, not a terrible school. It was small town. but I did decide to go to Platte Valley for in Nebraska, out way up there in the cornfields, for my junior year of high school, so never went to Sunnydale, i don't know why.
Speaker 1:If anyone is listening to this and they have no idea about what like an Adventist is, or then they will really not understand what Platte Valley is. So let me just say Platte Valley is a what was RIP, a boarding school that was on a farm in Shelton, nebraska.
Speaker 3:Yes, they literally milked cows. like some of the students, i did not work in the dairy farm, but some of the students actually milked the cows every day at like 4 am crazy.
Speaker 1:So you went to Platte Valley your junior year of high school.
Speaker 3:Only my junior year, and then I had like had that taste of freedom like public school woohoo. And so then you go to boarding school where it's very conservative, very. You know, boys and girls don't touch each other, you should barely allowed to sit by each other, like stuff like that. And so then I was like I think, well, and especially, you can't drive your car, you know, i don't know, and was that tough for you, was that? yeah, like I think my parents were not. It's really weird because they were really like strict in some areas, but then in other times they wouldn't be strict. So I yeah, i ended up being like, oh, i'll just go back to public school for my senior year and then I can drive my car. And you know, when you're a teenager, it's all about hanging out with your friends and driving your car, and so, and then I was when you showed up to Platte Valley.
Speaker 1:Do you remember what your ideas were about who God was, and if any of that changed? or if any of that because of, maybe, the rules of a place that, like God, is supposedly?
Speaker 3:yeah, let me. So. Let me back up like I got baptized when I was eight and I had thought a lot about that in the last three to four months when God completely changed my perspective on things. So, but I remember when I was eight, like I as a child, i had a personal relationship with Jesus and I was very innocent, and so I I can remember my sinking, sometimes like and like. I remember like that just simplicity of the gospel, and that is what I understand now. And the last time that I remember that is when I was a little girl and I feel like, like, when I got baptized I was just so excited, so in love with Jesus. Um, you know, i have several stories when I was a little girl where I, like, had experiences with Jesus, like he was so real, i knew he was real, there was no doubt in my mind, um, but then, yeah, growing up things become skewed and you become a teenager and things get all complicated and and so, you know, i definitely was kind of a goody two shoes, so they say. But in public school I got, you know, more subjected to drugs and alcohol and things like that, and and, um, and then at at Platt Valley. I don't know. I think I had a good experience there, but I just had, like I said, a taste of that freedom that teenagers often want and and I think growing up in a conservative home, um, that was more strict in many areas, like I just was looking for that freedom and that and trying to get away from my parents so you said, um, things got skewed.
Speaker 1:And I don't know if you experience this yourself, but drugs and alcohol, all these things that were happening in public school you went from this like real go ahead.
Speaker 3:You just yeah, well, one thing I'm gonna say I definitely, um, my home was not a peaceful home by any means. So I had a very angry father. That was very, um, just, it was kind of a walking on eggshells kind of situation and I and I have an one older brother, and so my older brother was very rebellious very early on. I was the child that was the peacemaker, like let's do whatever we can to keep the peace, and so I was kind of the typical, grew up in a conservative home and then when I got to be about 18, just kind of went wild and crazy and so, um, it was this, this idea that that got skewed for me was that you know, you have, if you have a family like that and they're going to church and putting on one picture of what Christianity is and saying that it's one thing, but then what you're experiencing is not that. So I, i lost that innocence of being an eight-year-old and realizing Jesus just loves me, like I believe Jesus loves me. So once I, you know, got older, that all became skewed to become the message that Jesus only loves me if I behave a certain way. So when I'm behaving good, jesus loves me. When I'm behaving bad, he doesn't, and that's it.
Speaker 1:You don't get to go to heaven, but you know do you know or do you remember when, when that thought became a reality, like when you started thinking, oh, because you obviously didn't have it at eight by the time you're 18, just slow, progressive, you know, like one lie leads to another.
Speaker 3:I mean, that's what this whole thing is is about like if you, if you believe the first lie that Satan tells you, then you I mean you can't help but believe another one. I mean it's just a rabbit hole. So I think, yeah, like believing, you know, my parents, my dad doesn't love me unconditionally, so thank God doesn't love me unconditionally and then just seeking love from other people and attention and you know that gives you value of who you are. That's definitely was a issue for me.
Speaker 1:I think you're a little cutie for the people just listening on the podcast. My son just got up from sleeping to come get some water, so he's so cute so subtly those lies started to creep in. You know, i was just talking right before talking to you. I was talking to a student and their whole perception of God is that if you don't trust and obey God, you will face his wrath. And she and I was like God is love. And she was like, well, how does that turn in? like, what about the trusting and obeying God? and I said that's why we trust and obey him, because we are loved by him amen and she was like really, and I said that's not how you do it. And she's like no, and this girl has been in church since you know forever, yet she still has like a huge misunderstanding. And right before I got off the phone with her, i was just saying you know, pretty much saying righteousness has nothing to do with anything that you have done, and she said what she said, wait what? I was like yeah, it has nothing to do with anything that you have done, it has something. I can do yeah, and so it's just like. So you can't lose righteousness based on a work because you didn't get righteousness based on a work and it's this, but we still, we, we still don't, we don't get it, and I don't know why, and I guess it's easy. I can just throw darts at people or institutions and say this is the reason why and this isn't the reason why, but I think the main culprit is life. Life tells us that and so when you're describing you know you're coming up, go to school life starts telling you something different than what you had experienced when you were eight. Am I correct in saying that's right?
Speaker 3:yes, that's right. Every person that I have shared this with that has accepted it has a whole different set of lies from what I have now. Some of them are similar and and there's a few that are the exact same, but every single person has had their own experience that has skewed their perspective and and the devil is subtle, you know he. He's sneaky and smart and he knows how to especially attack little children, and he does this through watching movies. Right, he completely changes like think of all the movies and ideas. I've been talking recently with a friend about heaven who was telling me she doesn't want to go to heaven. She's just like happy here and eventually she wants to, but not right now. And I was just thinking, like how many of us have even been told lies about what heaven is and and the joy and and and through Hollywood, like what does the Bible say about heaven? what does Hollywood? and how many little children only know what heaven is through what they've seen on movies and such? anyways, yes, lies for each of us. They can start at very young age and then progress so you were.
Speaker 1:You were mentioning your lies and so, specifically, growing up, you said your house was not the easiest place where there was. It sounds like there were lies baked into that right lies. What were? what were the? the heavy, prevalent lies going through? I?
Speaker 3:mean the biggest lie. The biggest lie for me and when I was in college I actually had a whole kind of also awakening and God was really working on my heart then but the biggest lie was salvation by works. I mean straight up, like I have to act this way, like I have to go to church, i have to be on time, i have to follow the Ten Commandments. I cannot do this, i can not do that, and it's just like a you, a measure of how much God loves you or doesn't love you. And right, as children, the only example we have of God typically is our parents. So if in my home, if I behaved well, then my father was maybe in a better mood or didn't lose, his temper as often right. So then that meant he loved me in the times when I was behaving well. So then that just transferred on to God basically, and not to mention, i mean that was verbally the message given to me as as far as the church, and just like you know you need to do this, like God doesn't want a lot of shaming, a lot of shaming. If you, if you are doing these things, you should be ashamed of yourself. If you're drinking alcohol, you should be ashamed of yourself. You know what would Jesus do? he would never. Once you're drinking alcohol, you know stuff like that so a lot. I carried a lot of shame for the last 20, whatever how many years, and all that shame is gone now so so do you remember this?
Speaker 1:just give me an example of how this was taught to you, like I'm sure the people that may have been teaching you. If they would hear this now, their hearts would break. I don't know if it was ever there in 10 right, right right but what is like a time, like, oh, like, do you have a moment where, oh, this was cemented in, or this was like kind of what you said about the, the alcohol, where you really felt that shame or you really said, oh, i am not reaching what these people want me to reach, or I don't.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's crazy. Like for me I feel like you know, i have to say I can't blame it all on my parents, like I definitely think that the institution, the religion you know, i, my family, in particular my grandmother, like she still will tell me like I'm gonna burn in hell for drinking coffee, like stuff like that. It's funny the pray for me funny, yeah, and I mean she loves Jesus, she thinks, she thinks that that's the right thing and it's just like, oh my goodness, grandma. But I know the thing that I always say about my grandmother is like, even though she has always talked kind of crazy, like that, i have never doubted that she loved me. So that is one really positive thing, whereas with my father, like, i wasn't always sure that he loved me. So but I would say like, even, yeah, with different people in my life, there are people that showed me who God is, because they showed me unconditional love in even in the church that I grew up. But also there is a lot of people that did a lot of shaming and, yeah, just like, this is how you have to live and it's and and is there a place for the law? I mean, i've been learning this, i've been studying this a lot, of course, and right, that's in Roman six, seven and eight, five, six, seven and eight. Like, of course there's a place for the law, but it doesn't save you, it's not salvation, and the emphasis should always be on the gospel of Jesus, the unconditional love of Jesus yeah, the the law.
Speaker 1:Since you're we're on the, we'll talk about this for a second. The law is doing what it's always done and what it's always successful doing, and that's pointing us to Jesus, because we cannot keep it like right. The law was there to show us we couldn't keep it. It was always there to point us to Jesus, and so the law is still. Like Paul says, we, we hold up the law, we lift up the law like. And then he describes in Roman seven very clearly that we died and so we're not under the law anymore right when he's talking to Timothy and Timothy one where he's just like the law is good if used lawfully but it's not for the righteous, like there is nothing that is set up to judge your life because you are righteous, and then he then he lists off a bunch of, then he says the law is for and then he lists off a bunch of things, like people that beat up their parents, lists all these things and it's like what blows me away is John, chapter five. Jesus just heals this dude at the pool of Bethesda and he just tells him, you know, if the guy's got like a catch-22 situation where he can't get in the water, but if he gets in the water he'll be healed, but he can't get in the water, so so he's like I don't know what to do. And Jesus shows up and he's like pick up, oh. First he asked him like do you want to be, you want to be good? right, and the guy's like yeah, and so he says pick up your mat and walk. And the guy picks it up and he goes into wherever he's at and the people see him and they're really upset because Jesus did this on the Sabbath. And they approach Jesus and Jesus. This is when he like he's like oh, these people are mad that I did this on the Sabbath. I'm about to double down. And so he's like let me tell you guys about the authority that I have. This is the paraphrase, this is the Richard Young paraphrase. I'm paraphrasing Jesus. And he starts saying all the judgment has been given to me. Like I think when people think about who's gonna judge them at the end of time, they think of God with this great big white beard, and he's got this book right. Right, god will judge you, but not God. The father, god, the son, jesus has been given all judgment from God, and so he explains this and these guys are sitting there and they're getting triggered, i'm sure, and then he's like I'm the one who gets to, i'm the one who does all the judgment to judgment, and your life will not be judged if you believe in me and the one who sent me. So people still have this idea that Yahweh, god, the father at the end of time, is going to judge their life yes and God. The father is not judging. He's given all that authority to the son. And then the son says if you believe in me and the one who sent me, your life doesn't even get judged. And then at the end of that section he says but there will be people who wake up to the judgment of condemnation yes so there's those of us who believe in Jesus. We wake up to righteousness, our life is never to be judged because we believe in Jesus and the one who sent him. But the rest of the world is judged. What are they judged by the law right the law judges them. Jesus sees their life. Get it matched up with the law. If it missed it by one mark and they're not in Christ, sorry, I'm sorry this is. And then in the next chapter, jesus starts talking about how he's the bread of life. And then he says and if you come to me, i'll never cast you out. So we read this, we used to read this stuff and we would want to look at it like kind of sideways, because it's like so plain, like your life isn't gonna get judged at all and Jesus is the one judging you. And you're like, well, i can't really mean that. And then Jesus says he's never gonna cast you out. And you're really kind of uncomfortable with that because that means once saved, always saved. And you're like we can't say that because then the kids will start while and if they know that, they can. And so we look at this through the lens of our own insecurities and through the lens of our own. We have to make a religion right or something like that, and we don't let it speak for itself. Like Jesus, when he says something, he means it and he's not adding to it and he's not taking away from it, he just means what he's saying. So when he says your life's not gonna be judged, if you believe in me, you can take that to the bank yes, and when he says that you will not get cast out, like anyone who comes to me won't get cast out, you can believe that it's so exciting and I didn't believe that until Richard came along and and told me three and a half months ago let's talk about. Let's talk about, like, because you were living in these lies, you're going through college, you're going through the whole dating scene and you get married. How, how are the lies like man. Talk to me about that. So what happened?
Speaker 3:yes, let's see what happened as a teenager, because what happens? you go through all the hormonal changes and you have all those lovely things, and it led for me, to depression. Okay, so I straight up had depression, although I didn't always realize it, and because I'm generally a pretty happy, you know, just smiley person, friendly, love everybody, hey, how's it going and where's the party. So, but being alone for me was really hard, just, and so if I was social and with people, i'm happy. But then being alone, and I would always ask God, like why, why do I have to be depressed? like where is my joy? you know, i hear all these Christians all the time saying, like, when you're a Christian, you have joy all the time, like this unending joy, and I never, ever could understand that. I was just like, yeah, yeah, like that is not true, like that is not possible. You can have joy sometimes, but you cannot have it all the time. So, you know, i would have just ups and downs, like sometimes I would be fine, but then other times I'd be really depressed, and I of course had this big lie that once I got married, then I would no longer be depressed because I would never be alone anymore. Right, like you get married you're not alone. Well, that's a big old lie. So because when, if you're not married people like when you get married? I just want to let you know you still have times when you are alone. You're not like with your spouse 24-7, nor do you want to be with them 24-7 or if you're in a bad marriage.
Speaker 1:You could feel more alone than you ever did.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, exactly, exactly. But the reality is that we have a void and an emptiness in us that only Jesus Christ can fill. And so if you are not filled with him, then I mean, yeah, your spouse, kids, whatever, you think you're gonna get money, car, this job, that job like it's never gonna fill that. And so those lies, that depression, that negative way of thinking, you know, oh, what one thing life event could trigger it, whatever. And the point of all this is that Richard came along one day and and just shared this incredible simplicity, this message. He just spewed it out. It was the Holy Spirit, literally just spewed it out of his mouth. It was the perfect timing and it freed me from all of these lies, like I still every day, like I I believe it because I believe in God and I know that he is incredible and amazing and all powerful, but I still can't believe it.
Speaker 1:It's just crazy so you and I met the college that we went to in Nebraska I'm not gonna say how long ago give it all away but it wasn't recent and we I was probably, not probably I was obnoxious and arrogant. I'm sure how I came off, like my sister used to say Richard, to know you is to love you, and nobody knows you did. We only go to college together one year two yeah they just I was. I was a year abroad in the middle so they weren't too consecutive, but yeah okay, and so we didn't really connect at all after that until I know maybe, maybe 12 months ago or something like that I saw you in church and I was like, yeah, there's Jadra and it was like literally a three to five minute conversation yeah, like how's it going?
Speaker 3:hey, how's you live here?
Speaker 1:yeah, i live here, you live here, yeah, yeah and so then our mutual friend who I hadn't been really tight with until a year ago just just a year ago we reconnected invited me to go and to go hang out with them at a campground. What was at that time in your life, four months ago? what was going on?
Speaker 3:yeah. So a lot, a lot was going on just at a place in in our marriage, in our life. A lot of unsureity like my husband was is doing an internship. All he already has a PhD, but he wanted to get licensed as a pharmacist, which is great, except when you have three children and you're going from you know kind of this a little bit life of cushion, to whoa. We're going to do an internship which is paid, thank you God for that but and of course, just the moving. We've had to move a lot. He's this, my husband is a scientist and so a lot of times it's just unstable because you have to move where you have funding. So anyways, i definitely was at a point in my life where I was just very bitter, very, very bitter towards my husband and probably a little bit towards God, but not really fully admitting to that like maybe one week here and there really admit it when you're in it yes when it's over, then you can say oh mercy oh, i was like when you're in it, it's very difficult so yes so this is kind of happening, that's all happening and I'm just, of course, just waiting, like, okay, we just have to get through the internship and then everything's gonna go back to fluffy rainbows and butterflies, whatever. Of course, that never happens, and so relationship with God.
Speaker 1:What was your? what was still the same kind of heavy lies from before or now that you're.
Speaker 3:I mean, i definitely so. I definitely. In college, like I said, i kind of work through this salvation by works idea, however, just very burdened still by the depression and the lies, the negative thinking. I had very negative thought patterns developed from a very small child, so I have always had a very personal relationship with Jesus as far as, like I know, he's real. I would even, you know, have moments where the Holy Spirit really spoke to me like what you're you're talking about our mutual friend Jaila, like there had been a point where she had tried to share this somewhat with me, like a year and a half or so before, and I actually was like I need to pray for her, like I don't know what she's getting into and what?
Speaker 1:do you remember what she said that were, you were like what is she talking about?
Speaker 3:or I need to pray um, there was one time where she had said, like I, she had shared this incredible, beautiful testimony of her and her husband and what they had gone through. and she was sharing it with my friend, my other good friend, and she had said, you know, i, she and I don't want to say this wrong on here either, but she was like explaining that like the Holy Spirit, you know, lives in us. and she was like it was me, like I, i prayed and it was my in actual like burden for my husband and I saved him, and. and then there was some other stuff about theology and religion which I won't go into all that, just very minor things, whatever. but I was just like, like is she getting into new age? is she leaving Christianity? you know? just a bunch of lies, whatever. So I had the burden to pray for her. It was like one night I woke up and I was just like God, do you want me to write her a letter? I will write her a letter and I will tell her all the Bible verses and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And God told me, like no, don't write her a letter, like I'll take care of her, like she's fine. And so I didn't write her a letter And I would, but I would pray for her. So, yeah, my relationship with God, like I said, like I had a personal relationship, but I just I knew he loved me, i knew what the Bible said, but I did not believe God loved me. That was the big lie for me. I knew he loved me. in my mind I had read it in the Bible. I've been hearing it my whole life. I've heard amazing sermons, amazing testimonies, like, and I believe him, like, yeah, like you would say that druggy murderer and completely transform his life and he is now going to heaven and he's just a son of God and God loves him so much. but God can't love me. There's no way. I'm wretched, i'm horrible and I'm not good enough for God to love. So that was the big lie leading me up to when I met you, when I saw you again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i don't. I know. when we were driving down to the campground I knew I was going to talk to you, just because when I see someone that I haven't seen for a while yeah my life has been pretty crazy, i think. You know, just because of gossip, people will want to. You know people will have questions for me.
Speaker 3:Oh sure.
Speaker 1:And so when they ask me the questions, i usually am just super honest, right, right. Someone told me this last week they're like you're endearingly nosy. I just ask people straight up stuff, because I always going to give straight up stuff.
Speaker 3:And so we're driving down there and I'm like if Jayj is there, we'll probably get into a conversation, but I didn't know how it was going to go, obviously, and I think, Richard, I think you and I are a little bit similar and that's why God knew that I needed you to tell me, Because we're kind of both kind of word vomit and just say what we're thinking And sometimes it might be mildly inappropriate but it might be funny And so, like when I saw you and when you shared some of your story with me, I did think this is mildly inappropriate, but I kind of knew that's how you were. But then I was just like, but like you said, kind of gossipy, like but this is very interesting. Like tell me more.
Speaker 1:So the testimonies I've heard before, like when I was in high school, i think, that the people were trying to draw us by how crazy their lives were, and so the testimony was like 70% the garbage they were going through And then 20% the change and then 10% how they're living now. And if I remember correctly, we talked that day for probably you know, i think we got there around three or something. We didn't really stop talking till around 11. And there was maybe an hour or two hours where we weren't talking. But we talked very little about how bad my marriage was before, how, like, whatever, whatever lust problem I had.
Speaker 3:No, yeah no, you like, shared that at the beginning and that was it.
Speaker 1:Because the truth is yeah, because that that's the story. John 3 17,. He came not to condemn us, but to save us from our same freedom from shame and condemnation.
Speaker 3:And that's the message that God knew I needed in that moment, because I had been asking him why am I depressed? Like what's the heck Like? is this how you want me to be Lord? Like I'm not going to be able to be Lord? And the only explanation I could come up with was that God wanted me to struggle with depression so that I would have more empathy for others and be able to help others more. Because I'm a bachelor's in social work And so I just was. Like it does give me empathy for the struggles of people struggling with anxiety, depression, whatever, and I had been asking God that question very recently. So the timing I'm telling you the timing was obviously very perfect And, like you said, like the focus was on the gospel And you, you shared this message with me two times. We're on the beach And, and then I heard you share it again with my husband And I came and sat down and you're sharing with it, and that's when it started to click. So literally you said the same thing of the gospel, free of shame and condemnation, like Jesus loves you and there's nothing you have to do, and and you're using the Bible and and explaining, and you and that third time that I heard you, i mean the Holy Spirit just, who just was pouring into me and convicting me What was different?
Speaker 1:It was the beginning of the conversation that there were things that you were like what's he talking about? Cause I could see your face.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And somebody is listening to this conversation right now And they're like, okay, she keeps saying he was sharing gospel, but what is he sharing that was so different. Why am I not experiencing freedom? Why am I not experiencing freedom from depression, or pride, or lust, or anger, like what? and I don't have an answer for you. I'm interested in what you're going to say. What was you said? it was about the shame. What was the main thing that was different, that you were hearing?
Speaker 3:And this is why this only works with the power of God and the Holy Spirit, because it you, you said what I needed to hear in that moment and that's not going to be the same for everyone. So when I say what my answer is, i just don't want the listeners to think like, oh, like this is going to be what connects the dots for me, because it's it's really about a, a heart that is is surrendered and seeking God, and I was seeking answers and I was, you know, in a place, in. Anyways, you know, the Holy Spirit, jesus, is personal And he's a personal God and he works with us on a personal basis. So for me, it was just that. Well, i like whatever you said, richard, i don't know, i honestly don't even remember if like this phrase.
Speaker 1:I think I was telling that you that you have it now.
Speaker 3:That's what it was. You were telling me I had it.
Speaker 1:And you were like no, i'm like no, you, you. I think I was saying well, you do you believe in Jesus? And you're like well, yeah, of course. Well then you have all of this stuff that I'm talking about You have it.
Speaker 3:That's what it was.
Speaker 1:Yes, And we spend our whole lives chasing this thing Like we want to be close to God. We want to be closer to God, we want to have a great relationship with God.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And when someone's like oh, you have that.
Speaker 3:You already have that.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait wait, hold on. What are you talking about? Like I don't, i'm like no.
Speaker 3:I have to get it Like.
Speaker 1:the truth is that you do. you might not know it, but like if they're like, i want to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I'm like you are.
Speaker 3:You are filled with the Holy Spirit. No, i'm not, but I still sin, i still act badly.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh, you might not know it, and since I'm telling you this now, you'll know it, and that's what it is.
Speaker 3:I thought it was something I was going to get when I got to heaven. Then I would like have this. you know, i don't know righteousness, this robe of righteousness. So you telling me, no, like Christ lives in you now. Did you accept Jesus as your savior? Do you believe that he died on the cross and rose again? Like he lives in you now? The Holy Spirit lives in you now, and I mean like.
Speaker 1:About the third time when I was explaining to your husband.
Speaker 3:The third time And I was a mess When I mean, when you were talking to my husband and the Holy Spirit was convicting me I was about to just fall into a puddle. It was all I could do to hold it together in front of you and everybody.
Speaker 1:And then I asked you if you wanted to say something.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And I was like no, it was dark.
Speaker 3:And I was so thankful.
Speaker 1:Because we were around the campfire and Natalie was going in on her testimony.
Speaker 3:Yes, and that really brought it home for me because of her experience with depression. It really just brought it connected. All the dots, the two of you together was really incredible.
Speaker 1:So we got in the car, we left that night and I was like you know, our job is to sew Our job. a lot of the time. we don't get to reap, like sometimes we'll sew for a long time and it doesn't seem like anything and then someone else will come along and they'll reap, and so I don't feel any pressure to reap. I don't even feel pressure to sew, i just do it because I've been loved. And so we were driving home and it was like yo, we're gonna be a mess tomorrow, because Natalie had to work really early And I was like oh it was like totally worth it. We were able to go out there and hang out, and so I didn't hear anything And tell me about that night. like you, and you and Taylor were children.
Speaker 3:I know we're just getting to the best part, we're not even to the good part. I mean, it's so exciting, so okay. So that night, so that we went through the day. Right, they have two boys, we have three boys, so busy times, not a lot of time for just chit chat. And so when we sat around the campfire, of course, eddie, our other friends, just like okay, so what do you think? What's going on? what are your thoughts? And so I had been mulling over all this all day and just like really was convicted, but still just kind of battling with my lies right, my lies that I've been stuck in for so long. Just like okay. So I was like, can you just like lay this out for me? So he opens the Bible again, like Romans to Romans. I don't even know if we started at five or six, but I just know that I read five, six, seven and eight, like several times, because that for me, was just so powerful. But when he had me read it myself, which was really, really important, i just started reading out loud and I was like what? Like I was so shocked. I was like what? Like, what have these people been teaching me? Like, how have I missed this. It's so bold and obvious. Not only that, but it just repeats itself. And then, since then I've just been reading the New Testament so much like it's just there over and over and over. Like Christ was in you, your old self was crucified, literally, you were crucified with Christ, and so that's the Bible verse, one of the Bible verses. I didn't have a lot of Bible verses memorized, which is kind of sad, but I'm realizing that I know more than I thought I knew because I hadn't really read my Bible a whole lot for a very long time. But one of the Bible verses was Galatians 2.20,. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lived, but Christ that lives in me, and the flesh that I now live is I'm meddling it. So, anyways, that kept playing in my head then that night, and then after I read with Eddie, i was just like, wow, this is crazy. And then I'm just going to sleep and I'm just like thinking all these things and that verse is playing in my head. And then I woke up and the song was like that Bible verse Galatians 2.20,. And then the song Amazing Grace, my Chains Are Gone. I've been set free. Oh, my goodness, i could have just sung it around the campground at the top of my lungs Like My chains are gone, people, god's amazing grace, and my chains are gone and I am no longer a slave to sin, i'm a slave to righteousness. I'm actually a slave to Christ's righteousness, hallelujah. And then I just started crying and I repented to my husband for being so bitter and mean.
Speaker 1:How did he? what did?
Speaker 3:he do. He was a little bit like huh. I was like, okay, he's so nice and he's understood the gospel for a lot longer than me, so he's like I forgive you and I love you too. And I was just like, no, i don't think you understand. And then just the best part of this all I had been on well butrin, which is an antidepressant, also for ADHD, and I had been really, really burdened by getting on that medication. I did not want to get on it, but I felt like I had no choice And I'd only been on it for a couple of months and I had just bumped up from one tablet to two tablets, and so on the way home I just the Holy Spirit told me you don't need this anymore, because you don't believe all those lies anymore, you're not gonna be depressed anymore. And I was like, is that really? is that you God? Is that really you saying that? Or is that like my own thoughts, you know? And so I kind of shared with my husband to see what he would say. And he was like, well, I mean, god still gave us logic Like you should wean yourself off. And so then the next day, i mean I was even more convicted, like the Holy Spirit was like yeah, no. So that day that I told my husband I took one instead of two, And then the next day I took zero, I took none, So I just stopped taking. And I don't know if anyone knows about medication, antidepressants but it's very dangerous to just like you get on them and you go up subtly, I mean, you know, just little by little increase And if you are going to get off, it's very important to go down and decrease slowly because of the brain and the serotonin, all these things Like you could get very suicidal. But I am here to tell you all that I am free from depression since the day that, the day after that, Richard shared the gospel with me.
Speaker 1:So praise the Lord, free from repression.
Speaker 3:Free from all the lies, free from sin people, no longer a slave.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about that for a second. And one thing I'm sure you're not saying get off your medication. I'm sure you're not saying I'm not saying get off your medication.
Speaker 3:I was convicted by the Holy Spirit And, like I said, god works on a personal basis. Don't do anything without God's leading.
Speaker 1:So, now that you what you just said you're free from depression Now you look back at your depression And what can you tell me about your depression now that you're free from it?
Speaker 3:For me personally, my entire depression was centered. It was all lies Like depression is lies that we believe. You believe I believe I'm a bad mother, for example. So I believe that one day I'm a bad mother, I lost my temper, Maybe I spanked my child in anger, or maybe I just yelled at them, whatever. And then I have all this guilt and shame. And then Satan comes along and says you're a bad mother, Is you're just such a bad mother? So then I believe that lie. So then the rest of the day I'm having all this guilt and shame believing I'm a bad mother, And then maybe it leads to saying you're a bad wife too, And then you're just like your father, you know stuff like that, and so it's a rabbit hole going down. So depression is a way of thinking that is negative thoughts, and once you believe one negative thought you go down, like today, i just I feel I don't know, i don't have energy. So that means I'm lazy. So the lie would be I'm lazy Cause you're not being as productive as you think you should be. Though there's so many lies for everybody. It's so it can be different. But depression is a skewed way of thinking that is believing all these crazy lies. And if you can just wake up and realize that you are free and Jesus Christ and surrender all those lies, i still get lies. People Like I don't. I don't want people to think that all of a sudden like, oh, i don't, i don't even have the lies coming in anymore. No, i have lies all the time.
Speaker 1:And How do you deal with?
Speaker 3:that You know I, i still yell at my kids sometimes, but I know now that I'm covered by the blood of Jesus all the time, that he lives in me And and I tell him. You know, jesus, i'm struggling with patients today, but I have your patients. So I claim the promises in the Bible, even though my flesh is weak. I'm going to go ahead and claim these promises, whether in my mind or sometimes I say it out loud and I might sound crazy, but I don't care because it works. People, when the lies come at me, i say that is a lie. Jesus, thank you for your discernment to show me that that is a lie And I give it to you. And every time people, god's peace just is here, it's in me now. The joy when I'm like where's my joy gone? I play some beautiful music and I sing praises to God and I say God, if there's a lie, what's stealing my joy today? What is it stealing my joy? I have to surrender that And it's hard. It's hard. Sometimes it's really hard, especially with my husband. I have a lot of pride and and I don't want to surrender the the to to Jesus is saying You had a lot of pride, you had a lot of pride. I had a lot of pride.
Speaker 1:It's over now. The pride is gone.
Speaker 3:So you go and resurrect it. That's right. So I say, jesus, i don't even want to be kind and loving to my husband today because he is so annoying me, but you know I I want you to love him through me.
Speaker 1:There's this. I'm gonna tell this story. I work at Knights now and this is just the Holy spirit. I'm walking, like you, i get no cell reception in the building and I was walking outside and I got a text from you and you were feeling low And so I was just like, oh, this is perfect timing. Let me just holler at Jager right here And that, like I have, i think it was for a defined appointment.
Speaker 3:Let me tell you.
Speaker 1:And this was probably three or four weeks after.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like a month after probably.
Speaker 1:And you're just like I don't know if I still have this And the Holy spirit was just like say this I need a pep talk. I was like Jager, do you wake up in the morning and try to make sure that your name is still Jager? And you were like no, i'm like that's the same thing with this. This is who you are Like.
Speaker 3:I asked you. I was like, i mean, what if I yelled at my kids today? and you know I lost my patience and you're like are you still when you yell at your kids, if you get mad at your husband, if you go I don't know kill somebody, are you still a daughter of Christ? Are you still, you know, a?
Speaker 1:daughter of the King.
Speaker 3:Yes, you are, yes, you are.
Speaker 1:I said if you yell at your kids, you're a righteous person who yelled at their kids, right? If you yell at your husband, you're the righteousness of God and you yell at your husband, so don't do those things anymore. And it's kind of like Paul and he's talking to the Corinthians and he's like awake into your righteousness. So what we're doing as this walk is that we're learning more and more about who we are. We're not becoming more and more something. We're learning who we already were. We're learning who we are Because that's exactly right. We've become these things when we believed. Or, if you want to say, we became these things 2,000 years ago, or you could even say before the foundation of the world. He had us in mind to be holy and blameless before him and love. He predestined us for adoption to himself. That's right, jesus. That's Ephesians 1, i think five or six Like this is who we are, and so we should start being ourselves. So if you're struggling with something that you don't want to do and you think you can't control it, that's the lie. The lie is that you don't have self-control. Like the fruit of the spirit was love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, and there's probably more fruits than that. That's just the ones that he listed right there. So if you feel like you need more of that and then if it doesn't happen, then you're like, well, god just didn't give me more of that. That's not true. The Holy Spirit has been poured out to you in love Romans 5. It's been poured out to you in love, so you have the fruits of the spirit, and so when you're feeling impatient, you can claim the promise that you are filled with perfect patience.
Speaker 3:Can I just say one thing, cause that was such a big lie for me Like I need to pray for more patients, for example, but the big one is I need to pray for more faith. So this has been key in my relationship and the development of my understanding in the past three and a half months is that I have God's faithfulness. Like Jesus lives in me, i have His faithfulness. It's not my weak, human, ridiculous faith, it's God's faithfulness, and so claiming that, like taking a stand in that faith, means I speak out that those Bible promises are true. I claim it, it's true. That is faith. Faith isn't something you gain, you pray more about. It's in you and you speak it. You claim it. It's an action. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:For sure, but the problem is because we don't feel it. we don't believe it, And so we've been so wrapped up in feeling things.
Speaker 3:Yes, and it's the culture.
Speaker 1:We chase feelings, we don't chase truth. So if we're chasing truth, you'll find that one of the fruits of the spirit is faithfulness, right?
Speaker 3:Amen, yes.
Speaker 1:And so, instead of saying oh, i need more faithfulness we can thank Him that He has given us and the amount of faithfulness we have. We couldn't have more. Like there's nothing we could do to get more faithfulness.
Speaker 3:Yes, and you had to tell me that a couple of times, like can you get more patients with your kids? No, you already have perfect patients. You told me that in the very beginning and then you had to tell me another time, like you're not gonna get more love, more joy. You have perfect love, perfect joy, perfect patience and faithfulness.
Speaker 1:So, but the feelings are always there, but you have enough So cooled and faithfulness. We chase truth and feelings will come. We chase feelings and the feelings and the truth will not appear. That's just how it works And that's why I'm begging you like to find out about yourself through this instead of finding out about this through yourself, like if I'm finding out about this through myself. Well, my life is, you know, my life has disagreed with this mug big time. But, when I found myself in here now. My life agrees with this book.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it's because I was loved by God, and so then I was able to go and chase truth rather than chase the feelings.
Speaker 3:It's so important what you're saying, because I've heard people read the Bible. I've read the Bible myself. I just wasn't reading the Bible a lot recently but like, but I always read it from a perspective of feelings. So now, in the last few months, when I've been reading it from a perspective of faith and this is just, this is true, it's it doesn't matter how I feel, it doesn't matter if I feel, if God loves me like he does. That's what the Bible says. It changes and transforms every single word of that book. It's incredible, it's beautiful, all of it.
Speaker 1:So I'll just. Let's just go to 1st Timothy real quick, and this is how easy it is for people to get tripped up with something. 1st Timothy 1 8 says we were talking about this verse earlier, but we know that the law is good if one uses it lawfully, knowing this that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers If there's any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine, okay. So when I'm explaining the law to somebody, i'm like okay, let me tell you about the law. Law is good if it's used lawfully. Let's read this thing. We know the laws good because you're all knowing this that the law is not made for a righteous person but for the lawless and insubordinate. So there's that list and someone will start finding out where they are on the list. Now, mind you, these are people that believe that Jesus is the Son of God, they claim Jesus and they skip the part of the list that they're at and they're looking for themselves in the second part And they're like am I? am I a unholy profane? Am I a murderer? Am I not murdered anybody? Am I a? manslayer. Am I a fornicator or something? That's exactly what they do, but they don't believe that they're righteous. Okay, knowing that the this is very plain, i don't know how more plainly Paul has to say this, knowing this that the law is not made for a righteous person. The law is not made. It's not for you Now, why? So then? well, how do I know if I'm righteous? How do I know if I'm righteous? Well, let's go to second Corinthians five and we'll tell us if we're righteous or not, and this is how the Bible works. Second Corinthians five, 21 says for he made him, who knew no sin, to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in him. So we're righteous. What's our level of righteousness? The righteousness of God? How did this happen? He knew no sin and then he became our sin, so now we're the righteousness of God. So I ask people all the time people say my, my. I guess I have someone told me this last week that my gift is I'm so bold and I just go for people. Yes, Yes. No, it is a gift No it is a gift, but I'm realizing that I mean, the spiritual gift thing is important.
Speaker 3:because I was like at the beginning I was like telling other people and I was like why aren't you guys like just telling this to everybody? And I realized, oh, like I actually, you know, speak pretty boldly in general, so it's a gift.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I ask people are you the righteousness of God in Christ? And if they hesitate, i'm like you don't get it. I'm like can I tell you something? And they're like what's up? I'm like you're the righteousness of God in Christ And it has nothing to do with your behavior. It has everything to do with his behavior, amen. And then I'm like you also have the Holy Spirit. You want to know how you know you have the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 3:And they're like how do I know the Bible?
Speaker 1:Amen Yes.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And you were talking about praise songs. Everything hits different in this book, if you believe it. Everything hits different in a praise song.
Speaker 3:In a praise song.
Speaker 1:If you believe it. We could be saying if my chains are free because we like the melody.
Speaker 3:We're like oh, he's in Christ, yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you believe it because your chains you it's totally different, mind blown. I was at a wedding last week with Jaila and a week ago tonight we were at this, just like this Friday night thing, we were all get together and there was a bunch of people who just believe this stuff And the song started playing and everybody who just started going like we were into it, like these songs mean something. And the other people were there like look at us, like you know what's wrong with these people?
Speaker 3:Crazy, these people are like on something.
Speaker 1:And you know what, if you're crazy about this thing and you're sitting in the pew and somebody else is not crazy about it and they're sitting in the pew, well one of you is wrong And it can't be them right. So they look at you like you're crazy. So you know what? what? okay, you were going to say something.
Speaker 3:Oh well, I just was going to say that some there's been a few hymns that we've sang at church And I've been like what? Like this song is saying like you can get this, you need this, And I'm like, no, we should all be singing, We have this. Come on, people Like this song needs, like the lyrics are a little bit off. They did not understand the gospel. I didn't realize that.
Speaker 1:Oh there's, there's songs that I don't sing anymore.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's crazy, like there's songs I don't sing anymore And like I'm paying attention to the lyrics And if it's anything like, oh yeah, like we need to get this thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like what.
Speaker 1:Like, take this one out of the hymn.
Speaker 3:I straight up like sing so loud and change the lyrics. I don't even care. My church is small, they can all hear me.
Speaker 1:Okay, so this thing happens. You receive this truth, you believe it. What has happened in your life since then? Okay, we talked about the depression, god.
Speaker 3:God, that's just crazy.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's not a small thing.
Speaker 3:I mean no, it's not.
Speaker 1:And it's crazy cause he's doing other stuff.
Speaker 3:What has happened? What I mean? that's just a whole other podcast, bro. Like there's not enough time.
Speaker 1:Just give me some, just like a little stuff, let's just go with the first week.
Speaker 3:The first week Okay, cause you want to tell every when you receive a million dollars. I mean you want to tell everybody you won the lottery, people. You want to call every person you know and it's just like you just vomit it on them and you're just so excited and you're crying and you're joyful. So I mean I called, you know, i called my friend Ali, which you know. She just got it. She got it, she was ready, she was asking for it And literally in that conversation. She got it And like just tell, just telling you her story would take another 30 minutes. And then my friend Maria, i mean I'm telling you like this the gospel is fire, it's on fire And Jesus is pouring out his message and it's so beautiful And so these people's lives. My friend Ali, same as me, she had a rough childhood and her father was very angry And but then, growing up in a conservative church, very confusing. She struggled really bad with depression and she is just completely freed from depression. People. It's incredible. Her marriage has been transformed. It's crazy. Like crazy. It's so exciting. My friend Maria, i mean she's always struggled with depression, she is free, she believes this, she is freed from the lies And and we've had a few conversations. I talked to Ali a couple of weeks ago and she was like hung up on a friend and and politics of all things. It's silly stuff. But like we just had a little pep talk like Richard has given me a couple of pep talks, and it's like, oh yeah, okay, i was going to remember who I am and what this is. And bam, i mean she's like, okay, i'm good, i'm good And that's it, go on your way. I mean Jesus gave us friends and support. Right, paul was not by himself, he had the apostles and Well, no, well, that's what the church is.
Speaker 1:That's what. that's what we're meant to do, Like we're here to encourage each other on who we are.
Speaker 3:Yeah, encourage each other to spread the gospel and and be certain of who you are Exactly. But okay, the really cool thing was the Jalen Eddie had like gone, continued on their little camping trip in their vacation and stop back through here. And we all went to church and I had asked my pastor if they could share their testimony and he was like and I had, i sh, you know, this was back in the dumb, dummy beginning days where Jadra just maybe didn't have it all worked out, and so, anyways, i said something. I said this is new information. And then I was saying like the Holy Spirit was like Jadra quit saying this is new information, this is so old, it's in the Bible, like stop telling people that.
Speaker 1:So I did A couple centuries, couple centuries old.
Speaker 3:Yeah So but when it's new for you it's new for me, but it put up a red flag and they was like, uh, I don't know, and so he didn't let them share, which was kind of sad. But whatever, i stood up that day. They have praise and testimony time and the Holy Spirit did not. I didn't stand up during that time. Actually, he then preached his sermon and then after the sermon I was like the Holy Spirit was like you need to say something, you need to say something. I was like, well, it's not praise and praise time anymore. I don't, i don't want to be like steal the attention and stuff. So I was like, okay, okay. So I stood up. I better obey the the spirit here. So I stood up and I just very briefly, very briefly shared just part of my testimony. And there was a girl there, a young girl. She's in her. I say she's in her twenties. Yes, she is. She just whatever I said was exactly what she needed to hear. So, but I didn't talk to her that day cause I didn't know. But God planted a big old seed in her heart And the next week I sat behind her and then I I introduced myself and I was like, hey, cause you're young, you know, i'm pretty young. Cause we're going to church with some older people And she was like I heard what you said and that she was like I want that. And I was like, oh, you want this. Oh well, you can have it today, girlfriend, come on. No, and we did. We straight up had a Bible study. I shared my full testimony and that girl And and I baptized her two weeks ago.
Speaker 1:I baptized her and that whole thing was a miracle.
Speaker 3:The pastor just felt the Holy spirit in the moment in the baptismal. He felt the Holy spirit. He heard the Holy spirit say you need to let Jada baptize her. It this. She shared the gospel with her and he's he did. He did not plan that, he did not think about that until that moment And he passed her over to me and I, my precious new friend that I feel like I've known for 20 years because we are one spirit, one mind Man. I got to do my first baptism and that was the coolest thing I've ever done in my life. That was the coolest moment of my life like besides giving birth and getting married.
Speaker 1:Well, it's a new birth. It's a birth.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's. that is that is so awesome. So, is this a? is this a phase? Is this just like a passing fad for you? Is this like a spiritual high or something for you? What is it? What is this thing?
Speaker 3:No, and you know you say that the devil tried to tell me that life several times. I said I'm just saying that I just I just said there was a spiritual high. because there was one day I texted Jaila and I was like, where's my joy? Like what happened to my joy? And she's like girl, just play some songs. Like, just play some songs really loud and sing them at the top of your lungs. And I did, and that was it, my joy. my joy was still there. It's just. that is just happily ever after. because if you look at the life of Paul, i mean he got beat up all the time people beat up. he got bloody and bruised. He got thrown in prison. His life was not fluffy and full of rainbows and butterflies, but he would sing praises to God in prison. You know, he, he, he would pour his heart out to God and he would have God's peace. So will there still be trials and tribulations? Like do my kids still make me just crazy? and ah, like I have three boys, there are three little monkeys, they really belong at the zoo. but I, i have a different love for them now because I know that God lives in me and his love pours out to my children to my husband, and you know, in tribulations, his peace it's. it's not something I have to get It's. it's it's surrendering and remembering who I am every day. That's what it is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's um. This isn't going anywhere.
Speaker 3:Jadra Like right, that's right.
Speaker 1:A year from now. You're gonna even be even crazier. You're gonna have. You're growing in discernment and maturity, like we all are.
Speaker 3:I'm growing in discernment. That's huge.
Speaker 1:There's things that I said after a few months, after learning this stuff, that I probably wouldn't say the same way. I don't know if I believe something completely different. But I'm not trying to get people angry at me, like I don't think I was then, but I just didn't care, and so it's different now, but it's becoming more and more established.
Speaker 3:Yes. Like your roots are growing deeper.
Speaker 1:When I don't feel joy, I know that it's just a feeling.
Speaker 3:Exactly, it's a feeling.
Speaker 1:The feelings come, feelings go.
Speaker 3:And I'm learning that, yes, Feelings aren't Lord.
Speaker 1:Jesus is Lord. We now know what truth is And we are becoming as wise as serpents, as harmless as doves Like. we know when to talk to people, we know when. you know the pressure is off of me.
Speaker 3:That's really important.
Speaker 1:Yes, I don't feel any pressure to talk to anybody about this stuff Like my life's great. I don't feel pressure to do a podcast but like I feel God telling me to do a podcast. Right. So there's no pressure And in this way we use discernment if the spirit says, we say it. If the spirit says chill, we chill Yeah, and so that's life now. And, like you were saying, there's still gonna be trials in life, but there's a difference between trials and discouragement.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 1:There's a difference between sadness and discouragement.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:There will be sadness, but there should not be discouragement. There will be pain, but the discouragement, and so, whenever a feeling of discouragement comes, I say no, no, no, that's a lie. I can be sad. I can be sad, i can be hurt, but I'm not gonna get discouraged in Christ.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 1:Because Paul writing Philippians in prison and he's saying I'm content.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me, meaning I can go through all of this garbage because Christ is giving me strength. That's right And that's our lives now. Paul didn't have and this is the crazy stuff Paul knew who he was so much. knew who he was so much that people would take his garments and people would touch his garments and they would be healed.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:And it's not that Paul had more spirit than you and I have. He just his experience blinded on the Damascus road, Three days can't see. Yep. Jesus comes to him and says why are you persecuting me For the next 10 years? he's just being established in this gospel.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:He goes out with. It's just, it's who he is, it's established. You cannot shake him. Everything like Paul. People think Paul is confusing and like maybe Paul didn't know what he was talking about. He knew exactly what he was saying. He knew exactly what he was saying, like this stuff isn't a mistake. He didn't miss when he said you're free from sins.
Speaker 3:Four times in Romans six And I've heard people use Paul in my childhood and growing up and because I have encountered people who did understand the gospel right, i just didn't know there was a difference. But I had I've heard many times, just like how Paul, just what he writes, is so beautiful, and I was always like, oh, it's just so boring, you know, like it's just crazy. And now I'm like, oh, that's why they were so hyped up on Paul. It is very amazing and incredible, not to mention his life experiences and how he was so grounded in the gospel, just beautiful.
Speaker 1:Well, jj, it's so awesome too. I mean your testimony, just like that girl in church, means something to you. You mean something to me. I just feel like this huge privilege that God put me in that time and place where I was able to share that thing with you And Eddie and Jaila they're, they know everything, they're completely filled with the spirit And but God, he chose me for that moment. That's just a huge privilege And I just see your testimony and your life lived and we just can't. We can't do anything but praise God. And so I love your story, i love hearing it. I'm gonna love hearing like it's just it's not gonna stop. It's not gonna stop because he's not gonna become worse.
Speaker 3:I mean I would like you said like what has happened since then, like I haven't even told you everything, it's just, it's incredible. I don't know if you can tell everything. It's so beautiful.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much for I know taking your time. I know you're a busy mama. Thanks for taking your time And no praise.
Speaker 3:the Lord And thank you.
Speaker 1:For your ministry.
Speaker 3:And Natalie, i know like how you say. I understand what you're saying. It's so fun to share the gospel with somebody who, just like, gets it, and it's just this joy. I mean that is part of the joy. But also you have this gratitude, like I know it's God using you, but it's, yeah, it's just something special. The person who was your messenger, it's I'm just so thankful to you and Natalie and Jayla and Eddie like my messengers. I feel like I had an appointment with Gabriel or something So cool. right The moment your life changed forever.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Well, thanks so much, and I'm sure we'll talk to you again soon. Yes, i just appreciate you. Jayla, Love you. We'll talk to you. We'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 3:All right bye. Hey Matu minute.
Speaker 2:It's too late, can't stop it. It's a boom. Know how can I wait till you approve? I got people with me on the other side Spirin' on me too bright. I see they tryna ride Comin' out for the night. Yeah, this that come alive. Comin' out for the fight. Yeah, we stay alive, we stay alive. Ay, ay, ay, put your hands down. Ay, we ain't comin' questions, yeah, we been down. Creed, i am a don is washed the hands now. Went from thinking road to livin' rich. Now, ay, bustin' with the twos. You watch me slide now. Ay, she look kinda boozy and she bad now, ay, mama think I made it easy brawl now, ay, ay, ay, ay, holla, when you ready, come and see me Workin' all day, workin' all night, doin' for the kids and for my city. I can not fall out of the light Spirin' on me. Want you come down. All the demons let em know. Outside us we been around For when you boi we stay and go Lookin' at me. What do you see? Shoot the shot. Kod only talk. Holy things, i'm a prince. That's Rakeem. That's Rakeem 23,. Check the rings F-O-G on my feet, on my soul. Jesus Christ set me free. Only motivation on me. Now it's heavenly. Lot of people tryna drain me Uddish energy. I talk to God, tell me people's Not my enemies. I'm cut in ties with the spirits. Tryna play with me. Ay, finna, go, shoot, case I take. We make it to the moon. It's too late, can't stop it. It's a boom, know, i cannot wait till you approve. I got people with me on the other side Spirin' on me too bright. I see they tryna ride. Comin' out for the night. Yeah, this that come alive. Comin' out for the fight. Yeah, we stay alive. It's takin' life ay, life ay. It's takin' life ay. It's takin' life ay.