Death to Life podcast
A podcast that tells the stories of people that used to be one way, and now are completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Jesus.
Death to Life podcast
#190 Ruth Pt 2 Discovering Identity and Community in Christ
Join us as Ruth shares her incredible journey through the trials of COVID-19 and long COVID, which became a catalyst for her profound spiritual transformation. Throughout this episode, Ruth opens up about discovering her true identity in Christ and the freedom that comes with understanding perpetual forgiveness through His mercy. Her narrative is a powerful testament to the idea that divine assurance can replace our need for human validation, leading to a deeper, more authentic relationship with God.
Ruth's story isn't just about personal spiritual growth; it's also about the pivotal role that community plays in our journeys. As she navigates life with a newfound sense of freedom and purpose, Ruth emphasizes the importance of supportive relationships, spontaneous adventures, and environments that foster spiritual growth.
Ruth candidly discusses her own aspirations, the challenges of staying focused amid emotional struggles, and the importance of resilience and consistency in pursuing dreams. This episode is an invitation to embrace change, seek guidance from the Spirit, and celebrate the fullness of life and spiritual fulfillment in Jesus Christ. Whether it's through running a 5K or starting a community in Australia, Ruth's journey inspires us all to find gratitude and purpose in every step of our spiritual paths.
Chapters:
0:00 - Transformation Stories
6:09 - The Freedom of Forgiveness
19:00 - Freedom From Double-Mindedness
29:50 - Choosing Truth Over Circumstances
45:52 - Trusting Community and Personal Growth
1:01:07 - Navigating Life's Multifaceted Dreams
1:10:02 - Discovering Fullness in Jesus
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The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus.
Speaker 2:This is Death to Life like we'll spend eternity beyond this life that we now live, which is also in Christ's eternity, trying to measure something that is immeasurable, like the fullness and the love and the goodness of Christ. Goodness of God, the goodness of the Father, the this ministry that the Spirit has to our spirit, to our hearts, to our entire being, is one that we get to grow in daily. And so what I've noticed is that, in approaching the Lord, in seeing that there are things that I may have participated in that, and in approaching the Lord, and seeing that there are things that I may have participated in that don't align with the truth of who I am. So the fact that I've been made righteous, the fact that I've been made a new creation, that I'm no longer the old Ruth, I'm the new Ruth, and I have all these spiritual blessings, like not just all these spiritual blessings, but like every spiritual blessing I can't even count them all.
Speaker 1:Yo, welcome to the Death to Life podcast. My name is Richard Young and today's episode is with my sister, ruth, and Ruth and I have been homies for some time now. We recorded an episode, and Ruth and I have been homies for some time now. We recorded an episode maybe two years ago and she's been on here one or two times besides that, but there's been so much growth, so much life Trials have come and we're catching up with her. We want to know how God has blessed her, how God has continued to reveal truth, how lies have been shown to be what they are and how Ruth has just put on the helmet of truth. And it's a good episode, because this like walking it out. It's where it's at and we want to learn how to walk this thing out, and there's so much in here for that. So that is what this is going to be. This is Ruth. Love y'all, appreciate y'all, buckle up and strap in. Here is Ruth. When, when did your first episode come out? Do you remember?
Speaker 2:I don't exactly know when it came out. I just remembered that I was seated in the bottom of a cupboard and trying to drown out the noise of the trucks on the road in front of my apartment, and also I had COVID.
Speaker 1:When we recorded that episode, you had COVID.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was the beginning. It was the second time I'd had COVID in two months and it was the beginning of long COVID for me. So I was all kind of still fresh-faced and like it's going to be fine, that was the journey.
Speaker 1:So we're going to give the audience a little background on how we record these episodes. The first episode you and I recorded, eddie and I were talking in the background and we're like I'm not sure she understands this and I'm like what do we do, bro? Because we spent a whole it was I think we did two hours and like what do we do? And Eddie, you didn't, you didn't really know Eddie at that point very well and he was like who is this lady? I don't know if it was, it probably was. Who is this lady? Because I don't think internet church was happening back then or anything. I think it had.
Speaker 2:Just started or it was about to start, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was probably about to start. This is like March 2022. Okay, march 2022. And so then we decided to record another episode and we spent 30 minutes talking about broccoli in the episode, minutes talking about broccoli in the episode. Um, and I thought it. I still think it's a great episode and people want to go back and listen to it. But you were. You had covid. You're in a cupboard. Does cupboard mean something different in australia than it means in the united?
Speaker 2:like a like a wardrobe, but not like a walk-in one.
Speaker 1:It's just like a inbuilt wardrobe wardrobe these, these words nobody says in america a wardrobe is the like your clothes. It's not like your closet.
Speaker 2:Is a closet a wardrobe, okay so it's the thing where your clothes hang, but it's built into your room, so it's like part of the room but it's like a sits flush with the wall, essentially. So I was sitting in there because it was quieter and it was a little bit more noise canceling. Also, I thought my computer was like whirring in the background, which is probably still doing right now, because the fan's broken and I was overheating in a sweater.
Speaker 1:Okay, so tell me, what do you feel like you had understood about freedom when we were recording that episode? There was something different and you were figuring it out. What had you figured out when we were recording this episode about Ruth's freedom?
Speaker 2:Ruth's freedom. Yeah, I was starting to realize that I really couldn't rely on man's word alone. I think we had touched on the fact that the voice of my mother in my life had been really important and then she something weird happened to my important Something weird just have to do Cute Something. When my mum passed away, I think I just felt a bit of a lack of direction and guidance in my life, but also had this kind of like umming and ahhing about the validity of her perspectives in my life because she wasn't a Christian, and specifically a Christian within my denomination, and so the loss of her just burnout.
Speaker 2:A bunch of things had gone on before then and I'd come to a place in late 2021 where I was just like I've had enough of operating the way that I operate and thinking the way that I think the way that I operate and thinking the way that I think. And that's when I came across your social media, which wasn't even really much at the time. Um, it was just yeah, uh, it was good, but it really got me thinking about um, approaching the life that I had from a very different mindset. Um, and then from there, my life has actually circumstantially changed quite a bit, but keeping my mindset on the fact that I was free from sin and forgiven in Christ became a huge anchor to how I processed the circumstances.
Speaker 2:So the two main thoughts, thoughts, the two new things yeah you would say that you are free from sin and that you are actually forgiven for everything yeah, and like it's not just um, I I guess essentially like, my thought and understanding around my salvation was that I was forgiven up until the point, that when I accepted Jesus, I was forgiven up to the point that I accepted him, but then afterwards I had to keep a careful eye on what I did and didn't do, um, and make sure that I was confessing everything, because if I left something, um, I didn't confess something or I forgot about something that I did, like that was a strike against my name, and so my life wasn't really hidden Christ.
Speaker 2:It was still a distinct thing that he was like looking and measuring Um, and I think what happened was that kept me from actually experiencing intimacy with him, because I still felt like I had to measure up, which was just an echo of how I'd experienced my human relationships, how I'd sought safety in my human relationships was that if I could just be sufficiently pleasing to them or approved by them, then I was emotionally safe and that carried on into my heavenly relationship. And I think at that point I realized that I actually had to completely turn that around, start looking at my human living, my existence on earth, my existence with other people, in light of the relationships that I had with God and not make sense of my relationship with God based on how I related in the past, present or future with humans.
Speaker 1:Okay, let me ask you this you had this idea that you were forgiven up to the point where you had accepted Jesus and then, in order to stay forgiven, you had to confess, repent, jump through these hoops Like if you said a swear word. You had to confess and ask for forgiveness. This is something that many people still believe Now, that you believe that you are forgiven just because of his mercy, not because you asked. You're forgiven because he is love. Has that controversial idea or belief? What has been the fruit of that when it comes to actually making a mistake, sinning, uh, and what you do afterwards or how you feel like? What is the direct result of this new belief that you actually are forgiven?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think people that know me or that have known me in the past have known that I'm a very kind of sentimental person. I colorfully communicate ideas of emotion and thoughts and feelings and things like that through my writing and my conversations. And in the past I felt like I thought that I had to have this emotionally activating awareness of wrongdoing, awareness of wrongdoing, and then that was a sign that I had a posture of repentance, a posture of confession or a posture of like, as you said, asking for forgiveness. And so an example would be sitting in a church, a guest preacher comes along and shares something and it's really like one of those things like, hey, you should check where you're at with God. Things like, hey, you should check where you're at with God, are you sure that you're right with God?
Speaker 2:This language of doubt which would create in me I would go to these events because I knew at least it would create in me an emotional state of sorrow or distress which would then feel as though I was like, well, I'm in the right place and I'm in the right heart posture, because I'm experiencing this emotional feeling of I'm not enough and I've let god down. And it's a good thing that I know, because now I can hopefully do a better job, um but but it didn't come.
Speaker 1:Repentance was about the feels in many ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I only had assurance that I had confessed and repented if I had the emotional distress and oh, woe is me. And not that I ever said oh, woe is me, but it was just like I would sob in church. And now I don't really. It's not that I never get that feeling, it's that I don't see it happen. But I do feel the calling to intimacy with the Lord to talk through and confess the lies that I've been believing, how they've been impacting my behavior and my actions and interactions with people and, of course, confessing the truth of who I am, confessing the truth of what the spirit wants to lead me in walking out so that I can actually enjoy being who he made me to be and so that intimacy in that place doesn't rely on emotion to get me there and it doesn't rely on emotion to convince me and my mind that I have a posture of surrender to the Lord.
Speaker 2:Because my posture of surrender to the Lord these days looks like driving in the car, seeing kangaroos jumping across the driveway where I live now and getting the pitch of my voice going up like two octaves and me giggling and then thinking God's watching this right now and he knew this moment would happen. And we're having an experience of intimacy right there, because we're both laughing at the fact that I'm experiencing joy and experiencing pleasure, and it's all his doing, and more and more in those places, like he invites me to intimacy. He invites me to conversation, not through dragging me through the mud of my wrongdoing which he never did anyway not through trying to prick my emotional activation or get me to a place where, okay, twist my arm Now, I'll go into confession, or that type of thing. But actually intimacy looks less like an emotional rollercoaster and more just like chatting with my dad, um, and so sorry, go ahead, finish that.
Speaker 2:I was just going to say that like, yeah, it's just not reliant on emotion, but how constructive and how life-changing that has been in the secret place with him. It's just been so matter-of-fact and truth is truth and the emotional response that I have from the truth is beautiful rather than distressing and, you know, seeding doubt into my mind as to whether I'm really right with God, which was the problem beforehand so what are the common myths of adopting this idea about God's forgiveness, that what it's going to produce?
Speaker 1:uh, I've heard you help me out. Arrogance is one, or pride. What's something else that we've heard?
Speaker 2:um that it's well. I mean the, the lie. I believe it's the lives that, um, god will keep you out of heaven if you um, leave um anything, if you leave anything, if you forget that you've sinned, which is something that the people that experience scrupulosity, ocd, these thoughts around have. I is everything like, have we balanced the sheets and is everything okay with me and God? It's just. It's actually a distraction from building not just intimacy with the Lord, but just walking out your freedom, walking out holy, righteous living when you're constantly wondering whether or not you're forgiven. So that was one thing that I was just like this isn't helping me anymore, and it was always pushing me to look to how other people related to me, because I was sometimes too scared to look and consider how God related to me. So, yeah, one thing is this idea that if you forget something, your future sins.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so people are.
Speaker 1:They would actually be worried that you're toast, like it's not like, oh, this is going to bring a bad mindset, that you're not going to be in glory when Jesus comes back and that as you're describing it.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite preachers talks about contract versus covenant, that one mode of you know understanding who God is is through a contract. So you make this contract with God. You know you're forgiven because you believe in him, but then if you don't follow up your deal with the contract, well then you got to ask for forgiveness, and so that's just kind of like renewing the contract and it's kind of like you're always starting back from the beginning with this contract, rather than being in covenant, rather than being in family in connection with intimacy with God, and so the lies or I don't want to say that the critics of believing that you are forgiven past, present and future they would say it's going to produce all of these scary things. Have you seen that you found a loophole to get away with something or like and I know I'm throwing a softball here and setting you up, or have you actually found true intimacy with your father?
Speaker 2:uh, no, um. I think I had a very uh, soft, sincere conscience towards this, or preach conscience towards this um, because I was used to tallying up my behavior and making sure that I at least got a pass mark of 60% when it came to my social interactions, my human dealings, my thoughts, my secret sins, whatever you want to call it. I had to be able to give myself a pat on the back, and you just mentioned this thing. It was really interesting. When you use the word covenant and um contract is that we're kind of technically correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding is that god is in a covenant with himself and we're the beneficiaries so, like he's in a covenant with jesus and jesus represents all of humanity, which includes us, right?
Speaker 2:yeah, and it says that, um, jesus isn't just like doing it for a certain amount of time and then covenant with Jesus, and Jesus represents all of humanity, which includes us, right, yeah, and it says that Jesus isn't just like doing it for a certain amount of time and then he's like oh, I'm sick of you, why haven't you like up your game, why haven't you like? It says in Hebrews that he lives to intercede for us always. He's seated at the right hand of the father. He has been there since ascension. He's representing humanity and we can have confidence that, because he says that we were placed in him, by him and sealed with this spirit, um, and that I think it's in.
Speaker 2:I love this verse and it's either first or second corinthians 6 17 where it talks about we've been made one spirit with him and what god puts together, no one should break apart, um, let no one break apart, right, like there's a, this divine power that has united us with his, our spirit with his spirit, and so I can't see how, um, I mean, we're the beneficiaries of all that, it's everything that he's done, and so to not there's a difference between having intimacy and experiencing it. I think, by default, when we're in Christ, we have it. Experiencing it is knowing and having our minds renewed to that fact, to that reality, and to know just how my nose is so itchy, to know just how far that goes. And that goes according to Paul, ephesians 3, like we'll spend eternity, beyond this life that we now live, which is also in Christ's eternity, trying to measure something that is immeasurable, like the fullness and the love and the goodness of Christ. Goodness of God, the goodness of the Father, the Spirit. This ministry that the Spirit has to our spirit, to our hearts, to our entire being, is one that we get to grow in daily.
Speaker 2:And so what I've noticed is that, in approaching the Lord, in seeing that there are things that I may have participated in that don't align with the truth of who I am.
Speaker 2:So the fact that I've been made righteous, the fact that I've been made a new creation, that I'm no longer the old Ruth, I'm the new Ruth, and I have all these spiritual blessings not just all these spiritual blessings, but, like every spiritual blessing, I can't even count them all.
Speaker 2:Renewing my mind in that way requires to actually confess that, over the times and the things that I do that are quote, unquote wrong, which, in Jesus's most simplified version, is loving God and loving others, and love is a fulfillment of the law, right? So the most beautiful love that actually fulfilled the law was his own love, and now we actually get to participate in that because we're united with him. Actually fulfilled the law was his own love, and now we actually get to participate in that because we're united with him. So confession isn't a way for me to to receive his forgiveness. It is, however, a way that I actively participate in recognizing it in um, agreeing that I have it um and then letting the agreement that I have his forgiveness um because I have him and Jesus became for us redemption um sanctification.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you remember this yeah.
Speaker 2:So it means? It just means that, um, I've noticed that, without asking God for forgiveness, I've noticed that, without asking God for forgiveness, that hasn't stopped me from recognizing his work in me, producing righteousness, producing good works that he predestined me for from the beginning of time.
Speaker 1:So you believed that, and then you believed that you were free from sin. What did that mean? Back then, when we were recording that you were free from sin? How much of a grasp did you have of that?
Speaker 2:I think I grasped it fairly well. I just hadn't lived it out for that long and I also hadn't really been actively in community. That agreed with that. And so that was hard because I mean, I was living alone. I was in Melbourne at the time working like a pretty intense like adolescent counselling role, whilst having long COVID, Like a lot of circumstances happened and I was physically isolated from community, which is the choice I made, because I moved. I could have, could have stayed and um then also presenting these ideas to a community, that um half were kind of open to it. Some people were like you get kind of clout.
Speaker 2:There was some clash there and really having to take on the fact that I was free from sin and that in Christ we all are, and not operate from the old mentality of wanting to get people to agree with me, because people agreeing with me used to be something that made me feel safe. My freedom from sin was not a ticket to participate in sin, it was a ticket to participate in Jesus's life and I just noticed whenever I agreed with him that the power of sin is something that I've been set free from. I'm not a slave anymore, I can actually make decisions. I'm not dead in my trespasses. I can consult with the Lord for a better word when I'm faced with the temptations to participate in patterns of sinful behaviors, if you want to call it that. I've just noticed one of the things that's really changed for me in the last three years is that I take thoughts captive.
Speaker 2:Now, and the other day, for instance, I would give you an example. So I used to struggle a lot with anxiety and rumination, which would deplete my emotional and physical energy, and I would go into bouts of depression and feelings of hopelessness and things like that. And I woke up the other morning and I felt anxious, Something about finances you know what happens for a lot of people and the thought came up and it jolted the energy in my body to get out of bed and either go fix it or turn over and ignore it. And I just thought Nervous doesn't ignore her issues or fight them, she simply surrenders them and inquires of the lord whether there's something she should be doing in relation to that thing right now or if that's just the enemy trying to distract her from pacing herself through life in a way that keeps in step with the spirit. And it was just the phrase numerous doesn't operate like that anymore. Um, that has been.
Speaker 2:It's been grounded in the fact that I'm free from always repeating the same cycles, always repeating like bowing down to the feeling or the thought and just letting it have. Um, like airtime when it doesn't need to. Um, yeah and so, yeah, I just like this freedom from sin for me was being freed from I think Jonathan makes this really good statement. It's like being freed from the double-minded prison, which is where you're back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and all you're trying to do is reason from lack and not reason from the abundance that you have already in Christ and being able to recognize you're seated in heavenly places.
Speaker 2:Whatever you do from here, it's not about proving yourself. It's not about performing. This is simply about abiding in him and making a decision to either reject that thought or appropriately act on it, if that's what the spirit wills for you, and you never get to that place of understanding any of that until you. It's not about journeying to understand that or journeying to be in that place. It's just recognizing that he's placed you there and that you're living from liberated rest and you're living from the confidence that you're living from liberated, rest and you're living from the confidence that you aren't a sinner, you aren't separated from God. You are somebody who seeks to align their behaviors out of liberty, out of joy, out of agreement that you are a child of God and that he set you free.
Speaker 1:This idea that every thought that comes into your mind, like your thoughts, aren't you, those are things that you're thinking, but they're not you. And how did you think those things? But they're not you? And how did you think those things? I don't know. Your brain just thinks things. That's what your brain does, but your brain isn't you. You are you. Your brain is what you use to think with. And so when we understand those things, we understand oh, that's just a thought, it isn't me, it's just a thought, it isn't me, it's just a thought.
Speaker 1:And for people like you and me, who love love, love, thoughts and feelings, we put ourselves up a notch because we had so many thoughts and feelings. But cool, I guess Our mind works a specific way. Yeah, yeah, maybe there's some, but it's not us, it's just what's going on. And then, if a thought comes in that's not in truth with Jesus, we're just like ah, meh, we observe it. Oh, there it is, I'm good, no, I will not do that or no, I will not. I don't even need to feel this way, because our thoughts come from, I mean, our feelings come from our thoughts. And so, yeah, I think that's one of the main things that kind of blew me away when I was walking into freedom and it's such a simple concept, but I don't know. I had never come across it. You probably had because you didn't live in the thought world I had. I think feelings aren't lord jesus is lord I I. That was a revelation yeah, it's I.
Speaker 2:I think that the beauty some people get frustrated with, the language of like feelings aren't lord, jesus, it's true, right, but what they they think it might be is spiritual bypassing. Sometimes your feelings align and agree with the heart of God and his posture towards you. We're just not taught to put them on the pedestal of him. And likewise, when a feeling isn't aligned, and likewise when a feeling isn't aligned, you can take that captive, take the thought captive, nurture whatever it is that you physiologically might need in the moment, whether it's a hug, or when was the last time you ate, like these types of things? Um, have a quick shower, whatever it might be, but holding a gratitude towards the spirit for the fact that the feeling might be telling you something about what you're thinking or what is coming up for you a lot, and what you might be exposing your mind to. That isn't necessary. I think there are certain circumstances in our world that we cannot control. There's traffic on the roads if you drive to work at a certain hour in the morning. We don't want to be hiding away from things that can trigger thoughts, but sometimes we, out of a religious mindset, have been gluttons for punishment and put ourselves in situations where we're kind of like trodden down by the repeated thoughts in relation to a circumstance. I'll give an example, because it's you know. We're just talking about my life.
Speaker 2:I recently well, not recently, it's a few months ago now flew back from traveling Europe to Australia. My grandmother had a fall and um, and I was living with my um family, my grandmother and my dad. They live life a certain way. I've got the, the letters after my name. You know, adhd, my, my, um, my, what do you call them? My accolades, my, my professionals, um, and, and the way I live and move around a space is different to how they do, and um, the, the pace to which I wash up a dish after um, uh, cooking or whatever, is different, and um, I realized that we were having a little bit of a clash and it's not really a problem. It's not like we hate each other kind of thing, but I was trying to figure out how I want to live my life that's very genuine and still in service to other people, such as my grandma, who was in hospital you know puddles around the house my dad, who sometimes needs respite from that environment, and all these types of things.
Speaker 2:And I felt conflicted between leaving home and forging my own path and just kind of getting on with things, but still being around, versus staying home, because I should be able to withstand the emotional distress or whatever, the little frustrations or whatever it might be that comes with living with three generations more than that really of family members in different seasons in life. And it got to the point where I was in this place of like double-mindedness. The feelings were all too much and I got a week away house sitting for a friend and I. It gave just gave me a lot of perspective because my brain wasn't being hounded with the thoughts all the time based on the space, um, and I think that that's like there's an example of doing that.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying that everybody needs to pack up and leave their situation, but just being aware of how we actually do have control over our lives more than we would give recognition to. You can go for a walk and clear your mind. You can take a break from that setting. You can go and have lunch with a friend. You can do these things and situate yourself in places where it's a little easier for truth to be heard, um and and taken in and so, um, that's why sometimes, you know, that's why we have spaces like Internet Church, the Bible studies throughout the week, so that people can have places where they know without a doubt, that the people that they're interacting with posture them in the spirit and not in the flesh, that they see them according to the eyes of the Lord, that they see them in agreement with the fact that they're new creations and have the fruit of the spirit of patience and gentleness and kindness to be able to lead them through that and they make that the absolute priority of their mission in life.
Speaker 2:Like we all have different kinds of missions, right, like you host a podcast, I'm a counselor. There's some people that come from different denominations and within those denominations they have a collective, different focus on how they make an impact on the world. But as believers in Christ, the fruit at the end of the day that sets us apart or invites other people to experience the gospel is not just the speaking of the word, but actually that's fruit of the spirit. There's a fruit of the spirit, fruit of the flesh, and so allowing yourself to be positioned in places where sometimes the thoughts in agreement with the spirit um arrive a little easier, because you're not unnecessarily displacing yourself in situations where you're hearing lies more often. That could be entertainment, could be a netflix. Who knows between you and the spirit?
Speaker 1:you get to choose what you think about, which is kind of crazy. You get to choose how you think about it. So many people believe that life is happening to them, and if you believe that, then that's what's happening. But life is not happening to you. You are choosing how you take it in by how you think about it. Yeah, you don't have to sit there in a negative space. You can start thinking about something else. And if you practice these habits of constantly, you know Paul says whatever is good, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, think about these things. I wrote in a notebook the other day 18 things that make me happy. Good night, buddy. I love you. One of them was this guy goodnight yes, it was.
Speaker 1:I love you, buddy, I'm on a podcast, I love you. Tell Noel I love him and like, when stuff's going weird, I can actually just like now that I've wrote it down, I can think, like one of the things that makes me happy is when my son gets very excited about something he's learning. I get, like when I see him super excited, I think about that. Or when I, if I'm feeling low, I can think about that and you know what? It actually starts changing how I feel. And so, in that sense, like life is not happening to me, like I will not allow that to happen, circumstances will happen to me, but how I live my life is going to be determined by how I think, and how I think is going to be determined by truth. Like truth is going to determine it, I'm not going to let circumstances determine it. It's not happening to me, and we can all do that. We sometimes just don't know that we have the ability to do that and so life just happens to us and this is the thing I think I'm saying.
Speaker 2:sometimes you're in a circumstance that, like, doesn't actually need to be changed, but sometimes our thoughts and our beliefs about ourselves, keeps sorry, I'm eating chocolates.
Speaker 1:I thought you were going to wax on a little bit more eloquently.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I was keeping myself fed. Sometimes, because of the way we're thinking, we stay in circumstances that aren't actually conducive to growth and it's from that perspective that life is happening to me and I'm just a victim to my circumstances and so I'm just going to have to stay here or I'm going to have to fight through this, because that's just like and by fight through, I mean sit here and just get walloped over by circumstances rather than grasping the fact that you are actually free and autonomous to make decisions. And I think that brings into question this whole, like this misunderstanding that we have about the will of God. It's like people think that the will of God is to have, like, be, like predestining you to every single little thing that you do with your day. But when I think of what you just said, richard you just mentioned that watching your son learn and get excited about learning makes you happy, and as soon as you said that the spirit's just like well, spirit not speaking to me audibly, but I just just it just zapped Like oh, the father enjoys watching his children get excited about learning, and so what does it look like to learn? What does it look like to learn to um navigate our relationships differently, or to. For me, at the moment, it's discarding this old language from my former life of like you stuffed up, now you're disqualified to um, do I know? I'm going to try that again? Oh, it's 10 years later and I didn't do anything. With that degree, I'm gonna. I actually want to see how I go with, like um getting back into the legal field. Lord, what do I? If I is a good idea to do that? And I used to always think like either God wants me to do this or he doesn't.
Speaker 2:But it came down to particulars, not about actual producing through the spirit, but like turning to the left and the right about everything. And when he says this is the way, walk in. And I think that that has far less to do with micromanaging our lives. Like god is playing barbies or something and he's just like, like you know, and instead he's just sitting back, as you just said, and watching us and going wow, I love seeing my kids operate in their god-given authority to learn, to explore and to ultimately be my image bearers, because they're treating one another with kindness and love and patience, they're operating with self-control, they're building resilience, they've got grit and determination. They don't squander the gifts that they have out of fear of what people will think or the worry that they've been disqualified because they made a mistake. They press on and they learn and they grow through these things.
Speaker 2:And he's sitting there, proverbially or literally. Um, the nature and actual physiology of God is such a you know enigma to me. But he's just stoked, like he's just delighted that Ruth woke up that morning. She had an anxious thought and she went that's not Lord, and he's like that's my girl, you know, like he's just that little thing is so delighting to him. He just, I feel like he just emanates this joy and delight and then we just get this little little effect of it in our human experience and we have no idea how God could even contain the emotions that he has towards us. And so, yeah, I just you can sit on your butt and do little, or you can challenge yourself in agreement with the truth of who God says you are, and make sure that when you're making decisions about your life, that those decisions are being informed by truth and not by lack, not by events of your past and things like that. And that's a lot of what I've seen change in my life, especially in the last year.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're going to take a quick break from this episode and I'm going to bring on my sister, Savannah. Savannah, what's going on? How are you feeling tonight?
Speaker 3:I'm good to bring on my sister Savannah Savannah. What's going on? How are you feeling?
Speaker 1:tonight. I'm good. How are you? I'm so good. Quick question for you.
Speaker 3:How long have you been loving this gospel freedom? The freedom part probably the past year, but the good gospel probably about two years. Okay, okay, okay. What has understanding this good gospel freedom done to change your life? Oh, my word, it's changed everything, in that I used to think that I could love people to the best of my own ability, and I have learned since then that I could only love them to the best of my ability. But that person has died, and now Jesus lives in me, and so now I have the privilege of being able to love people to the best of his ability.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're going to. We're going to get you love this so much that don't you have an episode on the death of life podcast.
Speaker 3:I do.
Speaker 1:Cause we're about to record it right after this. I do Because we're about to record it right after this. Okay, next question you love this so much that you've dedicated time, energy, finances to keep this message getting out there. Why is that important that people hear this message to you? Why is that important?
Speaker 3:Because it has turned my life upside down in the best way, and I think it's so important to share this message so that more and more people can hear it and that their lives can be changed as well.
Speaker 1:Man. So if you're listening to this and you know the deal, if you ever listened to these and I hope you do go to loverealityorg slash give, loverealityorg slash give, and every dollar that you give goes toward getting this message out there. We want people to hear the podcast, we want people on the Bible studies, we want you at Internet Church, and every dollar goes to doing that. So, love realityorg slash give. Hey, savannah, thanks so much. Thank you Absolutely. Thanks so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you Absolutely. So March 22 is when we did the podcast, yeah, and then we met each other for the first time in November of 22. Mm, hmm, yeah, and it seemed like we had known each other a lot longer. Oh, I guess I had known you longer because, uh, after a while we didn't start and do the podcast yeah, we've known each other since like august the year before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, yeah, and so, man, you know what this memory of us going to andrews, it is just a sweet memory for me. I think about it often, and maybe because there's like some cool pictures from it that are in my mind.
Speaker 2:Uh the one that you just put on your picture, the the stank face. Maybe that's your story yeah, I have a bunch of those pictures, but uh, what a time just to interrupt you, richard, I actually have a video that is available on my social media so anybody that would like to watch of Richard leaving Erica and Connor Yonkers house and thinking that he's just doing the sweetest thing ever. We're watching him on the ring camera and Erica says Richard is going to sleep and next minute, yeah, he just kind of like steadies himself.
Speaker 1:Erica, stop, stop it. But how cool was that All of us being together, jonathan, uh, sending it, preaching his heart out and we just get to go. I don't know if it was five, six nights, um, and just a bunch of cool people, um, and I felt like we, all of us you, me, tyler, erica, connor we stayed up late almost every night just talking about the gospel until Connor and Erica got COVID. They had to go to bed earlier, but the rest of us were staying up every night and just talking about the gospel and I felt like it was really landing, landing, landing, landing with you, like it became like the real deal, and there is something about that community that we're able to just be around each other and then speak truth. Was that like a significant moment in you growing in this, or is that just?
Speaker 2:like oh, just a sweet moment as you were moving forward I think so because at first I've gotten free, freedom from this, um see, well, obviously, freedom from selling that to themselves. But within that, this feeling, like what we talked about a lot was people pleasing, and sometimes that that warrior, that feeling of I'm not fitting in, still, you know, rises up. But how I, as I've just spoken about, I just kick that puppy straight out of the uh, the house.
Speaker 2:I don't take puppies, by the way, just whenever that idea of people pleasing comes in, you get rid of that idea so I, yes, so no longer was the manipulation of people, the framework of which I was operating around people, but I still had the genuine desire for people to understand what was like clicking in my brain, and that took time in certain areas, and sometimes people didn't come to the party and I, it was like, okay kind of thing. Okay kind of thing, as some of my closest friends uh, um, we're still. We don't, we don't um, bicker about it, but it's like a known area of disagreement maybe, um, I think let's say the word. So when I got to actually see in person the possibility of what it looks like in community for people that are in agreement with the fact that they're free from sin and what that theologically and practically means and what it can look like, I saw that in late November when I saw you guys and I booked that ticket on a whim because I just had to quit my job with my COVID stuff and I was just resting for a while. Booked the ticket on a whim, a bunch of people that were meant to be there at the event failed because I had to go to a previous event in Portland the month before. So I was like, oh, I'll have to wait longer to meet some of them. But the people that I met there Jonathan yourself, chris M, the Yonkers, tyler or plenty of others right, I'm going to call. Well, a few days after I arrive home from there, I book a trip to Hawaii for April of the next year. I'm just like I'm just going to go for a couple of weeks, catch up and meet, like Morgan and Emily and Justin and the guys that are on the island. I think that'll be really nice.
Speaker 2:I got a call a couple of days later, or within a couple of weeks, and the day before I was just feeling quite unwell and I was living in a place that the weather's not great for healing from fatigue.
Speaker 2:I do want to be in places that are warmer and sunnier and just for the physiology you know, betterment of health. And I walked into my friend's restaurant or cafe and I just looked at her and she'd lived in the Cook Islands for a while and I just said sometimes I just feel like I want to pack up and go live on an island. The next day I get a call from Tyler, who is in Hawaii, saying hey, do you want to like come live here and volunteer for a while and I'd never had the desire necessarily to live in community with people that are freedom. Not that I didn't have a desire, but it was not particularly them that I was like, yeah, I'm going to pack up and go live life with them. And oh, woe is me, because I don't get that, because I live alone and I'm the only one in Australia that I know of at this time that actually kind of really is rocking with this gospel stuff.
Speaker 2:Obviously we you know Karen and Bees and a few other people- people, yeah, yes, and we always talk about meeting up and then everybody's got children and pregnant and whatever, and I'm just like, come on, I'm a single girl without any commitments, like let's do something. But at that time, spending time with you guys back in November, gave me a taste of what I thought would be good to experience more of, and then I just postured in my heart a yes towards whatever the year after that would look like and I thought what would happen is I'd go to Hawaii for a couple of weeks and then move on to the mainland and go visit different people, including Natalie and yourself, and just kind of like hop across and then end up in Europe, right, and I got as far as the Pacific Ocean. I was there for six months and I think it's not that it's necessary to have that and have that consistently, but it's beautiful to have it. And if anybody wants to really speed up the process of the renewal of your mind, you want some growth.
Speaker 1:You want some growth, maybe the process of the renewal of your mind.
Speaker 2:You want some growth, you want to put it on steroids, then, and and you're open to changing things up and you're open to moving and you know you've got that flexibility, or you want to get that flexibility. Just speak to the spirit about it and see the way, the when, then how, whatever is something that he will help you with. In the meantime, richard and I have a pretty much entirely online friendship and we call each other out on stuff, but we don't call each other out. We just say, hey, remember who you are like like what?
Speaker 1:what would you say if you go back to those six months in hawaii? Was the thing that oh, this is something that I learned from there? That is gonna like I'm gonna run with this thing for a while um, it wasn't so much about.
Speaker 2:Well, it was an agreement that I am enjoyable as a person and that I don't have to perform for people to agree with that. They just know, because I am God's child that like they already know that about me. I read this post yesterday. I thought it was really interesting. I'll see if I screenshot it on this phone. Um, uh, okay.
Speaker 2:It says um, this is just something that came up on Facebook. It says one day I said out loud when we're apart, I think you must hate me. I picture you seeing my name when I text you and heaving this big sigh because I'm so annoying. And the person quietly said to me that's a little mean. I wish you wouldn't picture me that way and something clicked.
Speaker 2:It's this idea that we take it upon ourselves to make sure other people like us or want us to be around, or whatever it might be.
Speaker 2:And that was a little lie.
Speaker 2:That kind of started creeping up again when I was living in Hawaii that in order to be safe there and in order to remain there and to be, you know, sand and watered, and because I was volunteering, I was relying on the benevolence of other people to kind of get on with things and I had some financial savings, but the US dollar really punches the Aussie dollar in the like stomach, like it, just you, just it goes very quickly.
Speaker 2:Um, and I remember something happened and the um, I was very distressed and I like crying, distressed, in Jonathan's office and I had Jonathan, eddie and Justin just sit down with me and they were like, ooh, we wondering if you would trust us with taking care of you, because I had still come in with this old way of thinking which was like I have something to offer and that's why I'm here. And the truth is I do have something to offer, but that's not the only reason why I'm here. I I'm here because I'm wanted. I'm here because they agreed with the spirit that you should recommend my name to Tyler and Tyler should get to know me a little bit more and ask me, and we should be there in Andrew's months before All of these things are lining up. Do you trust us to take care of you?
Speaker 2:these things are lining up and they're like do you trust us to take care of you? Do you trust us to, you know, put food on the table for you to ensure you have this this, this, this, this where we want to sort it all out? Um, but do you trust us? And that was a huge question, because trusting god not that it's like, oh, no problem, like obviously we all have these little adjustments my trusting in these men was a declaration that I trusted God and I think what has changed a lot for me after the last three years that sounds weird.
Speaker 1:Explain that a little bit. Okay, these guys aren't God, but you're just like. I love these guys and I know they love me and even if they don't, god has me. Is that what you're trying?
Speaker 2:to say yeah. So God, um, god wanted me to trust him by trusting his sons to be brothers to me, by allowing them and the greater context of that is that I'm in a little bit of like that independent woman background. I was raised by an independent woman who don't need no man, but kind of low-key like, had a lot of relationships. Well, I think, and I've kind of gone through life. Um, by the age of 21 I'm living over in France on my own, traveling through Europe, europe, changing up things, moving around all the time, just getting myself sorted out. Of course, the reality is that I relied on a lot of people, on their benevolence, on opportunities given to me, job opportunities, all of these things are lining up, but I still had this little mentality that I was alone in the world at the end of the day, like I have God, but people are going to disappoint me. I have God, but how much can I really? At some point, somebody is going to come and say, oh, you're just too much, you're a burden, and I was sitting in real time on this couch and I said it out loud. I think I've become a burden to you because you didn't ask for me to come out to the island. That was a different organization or a different context, a different group of people. And you're now taking on this responsibility and I'm sitting there, like you know like, and Jonathan just says I remember I'm crying over a video call while this is happening and I'm quite distressed and Justin actually told me he goes Ruz, I need you to be quiet for a minute and somebody on the call was offended that Justin would say that he's like no, no, ruth knows me. Ruth knows that I'm I'm standing up for her right now and I'm helping her through this, but she needs to stop thinking that she can fix this for herself, because she didn't put herself in this position. Like, we're just like.
Speaker 2:It was just a volunteer handover thing. And it was really interesting how I had to look at these guys in the eyes and be like no, these guys are the guys that will bring me around. These guys are the guys that will go to the like nth degree to protect their little sister. And Eddie's the guy that I can call up and say hey, I know it's like 10 pm, but I just popped my car tire. You're gonna have to come around, like leave Thurston Avenue and come around to Pensacola and like help me out. And there's no heaving sigh, as that post on the internet I was reading suggested. There's just a. My task and my responsibility isn't to measure how people are going to respond to my existence and my humanity. My invitation from the Lord is to trust that they will and, if not, that there's somebody that will. And my problem wasn't that I trust too much and there's no one there and I, you know, kick myself in the foot, but it was like, is that a phrase?
Speaker 1:Anyway, no, that's definitely not a phrase, not a thing at all.
Speaker 2:Um, uh, interesting, um, but the problem was that I struggled to trust people, building the trusting in god, but I was struggling to trust people and at that point it was just a. It was a moment where I had to go. You have to let people say, like, be who they say they are and do what they say they want to do for you. And that changed everything. Because now I presume on my friend's goodness and if they can't do something for me, no biggie, but I'm going to ask them for a favor if I need a favor, because that's what friends do. Yeah, and we're not just friends, we're now, we're blood, brothers and sisters, but not our blood.
Speaker 1:Let's go his life so let's, uh, let's talk about this last year and, uh, this is how we'll wrap this up this last year so it's been three years, yeah, and there's been a ton of growth. Just it's crazy, I think, in all of our lives. Oh yeah, hold out for this thing. It's just like growth, growth, growth. And there's some pains and there's growing pains and there's but what do you see yourself growing in Cause you are young and freedom. Then there was like a whole year where you're traveling and you're in Hawaii, and then there's this, this going back home and figuring out what does life look like in the light of freedom? Um, what, what has he been impressing you with? And and walking this thing out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that one of my struggles has been commitment, and not like romantic commitment or friend commitment I'm very loyal in my relationships but commitment to myself and commitment to the dreams and opportunities that I see for my life. So an example could be I just recently got another job working in counseling, and I love that because it's a stepping stone to me finally starting my own practice. And I've made these little like, I've built these stepping stones towards doing that, but from a place of um, protecting myself in case my dream fails, rather than actually being like no, I'm sold out, so like making this happen. And the reason why I'm sold out is because I actually want to help people in this way. And um, I realized how, sometimes, when I get emotionally distraught from messing up or um things not working out at the pace they should be, I would switch parts, and sometimes it's easy um to do that, especially when you have the, the um the 80 when you have the four letters behind your name right, it's like so I saw this video.
Speaker 2:It's just like somebody goes um, you know there's a thing called hd and my mom says I have 80 of them, and then this kid like backflips into a pool and like that's me. Um, uh, so yeah, the the novelty and the dopamine seeking and that type of stuff that happens in like new adventures and new challenges. So, for instance, oh, things get too hard here. Oh well, there's a pretty butterfly. I'm going to chase that.
Speaker 2:For a while and I was conflicted because I love traveling, I love seeing new places, but I love making connections with people in places, and recently I got the privilege of you know, I came back after Hawaii. I was in Australia for about four months, went back over to Hawaii for a couple of weeks to help run this amazing women's retreat and met so many incredible women and then skipped back home and then went to South Africa, which is where my family's from, and I was there for a month and it just blew my brains Like I was just so impressed with this place and it made so much sense to like my upbringing and I was like do should I move here? Like this is like Instagram audio trending reel should I move here. Um went to Ireland and connected with a bunch of a couple of people. From that I met through Love, reality.
Speaker 2:Um got to meet their gorgeous daughter and then went to England and all these types of things Felt unwell. Granny had a fall, came back and I just was like, oh see, now I'm giving up on my travel dream, or now I want to go traveling again and I can't figure it out. And then I don't know if you've seen the old El Paso ad, but they're trying to choose between hard tacos and soft tacos and the girl goes how do you say it.
Speaker 2:That's it Like, why don't we have both? And then they throw her up in the air and have a celebration, and it was just simply like you can do both. There's this thing called life, there's this thing called time, there's this thing called time, there's this thing called slowly but surely, building. I do have the fruit of patience. Well, yes, because I have the spirit, and that's his fruit.
Speaker 2:So what can it look like to actually incorporate the multi-hyphenate passions of my life, but in a in a way that isn't oh, I like I need to rush to do that thing, because now that I've had the thought I've got to do it, otherwise I'll never do the thing.
Speaker 2:And so this year, since I've been home, is about slowing down, but not stopping, like rest still involves movement in some way or another, and one of the ways I had to ultimately move towards my goal of one day hosting retreats in different places around the world, but still also having an online counseling business and still also actually having a home address, which my brain didn't even think I could have is that I need to pace myself and take care of my health, and one of the ways I've been doing that is by eating a lot more fixing my metabolism through a lot of help with a nutritionist, learning how to run and challenging my like.
Speaker 2:These are all just very simple things, but they're teaching me resilience, consistency, things like that. That will help me, as somebody that doesn't tend towards consistency and routine. So much helped me to actually do the things that I actually am really passionate about. But I've felt distraught in the past that I just couldn't do them or I was making too many mistakes and so I should just quit, and so this year is like the Shia LaBeouf year of just do it, do it, do it, do it. Um, but it's not shia labeouf, it's the holy spirit.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, it has been really cool to see your life. Um, not all of us can just get up and go and do that, and that's good. We're all in different seasons, um, but it's cool to see your life because it doesn't matter what you're doing or where you are, you're just shining. And I see that you know, as I follow you. You know they say that Instagram is not the real deal, and I'm sure that you've got stuff going on in your life that there's sadness and whatever. But I also think that your life really is the real deal. No, like what you put out, there is the real deal that you are going after everything that he's given you.
Speaker 2:I would just say that what I put on Instagram is me being stoked and joyous about what the Lord's teaching me. So, of course, that's the real deal, because if I run a 5K and I don't stop whilst running a 5K and I put it on the internet, it's because I'm stoked.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And because we live such isolated lives in some way or another, it's nice to be able to tell your friends what you're doing in a very like celebrate with me. Look, my body's doing things that before I couldn't even get out of bed.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:I'll go, you know. So I think that's the real thing. Do I share with people every anxious, ruminating thought that I've had in bed before getting up? I mean, I don't even dwell on that, so why should you no?
Speaker 1:uh, let me ask you this as we, as we wrap up. Usually I'm like could you, if you were going back, um, you received the gospel. What three years ago? Is it lessening? Now, as you're three years out, is it not as good news as you had heard before? Or, like, tell me about your journey with that, like now that you look back three years walking in freedom.
Speaker 2:What do you think? Before it was news and now it's an experienced reality. Yeah, it's something that I heard and I was like okay, cool, so how does this change my life? Now I know how it changes my life, because I've seen my life change.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I thought so too. That's why I left this in silence. I left this in silence. After that I was like chop that, we love that.
Speaker 1:Somebody jot that down. Thanks for coming on, Ruth. Love to hear and see where your life is going and obviously you're a testimony to all of us that he is love and that you've been really well loved and we love it. So thank you for spending some time with your boy.
Speaker 2:Appreciate you. Bye man.
Speaker 1:Ruth has so much life. Where is God going to lead? Who knows? She is living in his will, she understands his love for her and she's been transformed back in to what was lost His image, which is love. And so if that is your desire, if that is something that you want, you want to be transformed back to what you were built for, then this prayer is for you, father. Thank you that what was lost has now been found in your son, jesus Christ, who has given me everything, and I have it now. Everything I need for righteousness, everything I need for peace, I have now in your son. I believe that, and show me more of what it is. Open the eyes of my heart so that I can receive this truth and walk it out in faith. And I pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1:If you want to join Ruth's circle, go to loverealityorg slash circles. She is in Australia, so it might not be for you people over here on the States because it's early in the morning, but if you're in Australia it might be just for you. So check it out. Go to loverealityorg slash circles. It will be a blessing to you. Love you all, appreciate y'all. Bye.