Death to Life podcast
A podcast that tells the stories of people that used to be one way, and now are completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Jesus.
Death to Life podcast
#214 Brie Schofield, Beyond the Edge: From New Age to Jesus
Brie shares her extraordinary journey from the brink of suicide through years of New Age spirituality to finding authentic freedom in Christ. Her raw testimony reveals the deceptive nature of alternative spiritual practices while highlighting the transformative power of encountering Jesus.
• Growing up without faith and finding identity in partying, drugs, and promiscuity
• Planning suicide at 17 before experiencing an unexpected spiritual intervention
• Pursuing metaphysical teachings that convinced her she was "god"
• Living in a California commune with people who believed they weren't from Earth
• Working on "Murder Mountain" while unaware of the dangers around her
• Building a 20,000-follower Instagram platform offering tarot readings and psychic services
• Finding Jesus after being arrested and receiving a Bible in jail
• Learning to relinquish New Age practices despite financial dependence on them
• Breaking free from pornography addiction through understanding her identity as God's daughter
• Meeting her husband Victor and witnessing his dramatic conversion
• Discovering the truth about Romans 7 and freedom from sin
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The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is Death to Life.
Speaker 2:This one day this is back in 2011, and this is when I'm like 17. And I had just planned taking my life. I was like there's really no reason for me to be here anymore, like I don't, I don't want to be here. I remember like scratching at my face and I had like welted red, like blood marks coming off my face from me, scratching so hard and just like. I just remember being like I need to get out of here, like I need to get out of my body, and I remember this was the first time that I had kind of like screamed out to God and said like if you don't take me, I'm taking myself.
Speaker 2:And I remember looking in a mirror and I'm crying like tears of sadness and I'm hearing these thoughts and and it's just two thoughts One thought is saying do it. And it's just two thoughts. One thought is saying do it, do it. The other thought saying no, don't do it. And it was my first time that I felt like I had been taken off autopilot and I fully was seeing oh my gosh, I actually have a choice. I have a choice between life and death, and which one am I actually going to choose? When I started noticing that this is when this overwhelming, powerful, loving warmth energy that's what I thought at the time like picked me up and cradled me and told me it was going to be okay.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Death to Life podcast. My name is Richard Young and today's episode is a wild one. I think we've had some New Age kind of stuff on here before, but not like this. Bree's story is crazy. There's some heartbreak in it, but there's just beauty in somebody receiving the truth of who they are in Christ. You guys are going to love it. Just be blessed by it. This is Brie. Love y'all, appreciate y'all, buckle up and strap in for Brie. All right, how long ago did we? Did we? How long how? Before we just get into this like how? How do how? Before we just get into this like how, um, how do we come across each other?
Speaker 2:So I found you maybe like two and a half years ago, I would say I was literally on the for you page and kind of just scrolling for you and then, you know, I found one of your reels and it said when someone says, uh, that they're, they're a sinner, and I just like back away. It was one, it was one of your reels, and it said when someone says that they're, they're a sinner, and I just like back away.
Speaker 2:It was it was one of those reels that I saw of you and I was like, oh, that's really funny. And then I just started scrolling more of your Instagram reels and I was like, wait, like I believe everything that he does. Like, and I'm not seeing a lot of this happen in the church, like, like, whenever I talk to a lot of people about this, like, like, we are not sinners like anymore. Like we were, but we're not anymore. And so it was just really cool seeing that you were actually sharing that online and I wasn't seeing a lot of people do that.
Speaker 1:I was particularly proud of that reel because I thought I did a good acting job. I normally my reels are kind of corny, but in the reel I remember specifically it's like the music is like kind of lowers and I have like a smile and then I like the smile kind of changes subtly or whatever.
Speaker 1:And it was like when someone says I'm just a sinner saved by grace or something like that, I think that my Instagram page would be like way bigger if I talked like a normal Christian but like, because I preach like freedom from sin and that where you're not in the flesh and all this, I get so much pushback. But you saw that that's amazing, praise the Lord. And then so you started and we just started dialoguing.
Speaker 2:Then huh amazing, praise the lord. And then so you started and we just started dialoguing. Then, huh, yeah, yeah, I think I ended up seeing that you had a bible study and I was like, let me join this bible study. And I didn't really know much of what it was about. Um, because I I don't even think I watched like the wave one or wave two stuff. But I got on and I was just like I I think I was crying, like I I cried at a few of them, cause I was just like this is everything that I'm not being taught in other areas of my Christian faith and I feel like this is everything that I read in the Bible. But it was really hard for me to actually talk about this with other people, cause people wanted to stay in, were tempted by the flesh and all this stuff, and I was like, but I don't think that's actually what it's saying, and so it was just really cool to find a community group that actually believed that and actually lived that out.
Speaker 1:That's, that's so cool. I started crying because you said you were from Kansas City and I was like that's my homie, she's my person, like we, we know, that's, that's super cool. So and then we started talking and you started telling me some of your story. And I'm amazed that it's taken me this long to have you on here, because and I don't know your story I know you have a book. I haven't read it, um, but like in just the little bits that you kind of mentioned of your story, I was like, oh my, so where are we starting? Where does the story start, would you say?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, my testimony is pretty wild, um, but I'll start. Yeah, we'll start from the beginning. So, um, whenever I was younger, I totally did not. I didn't believe in Jesus, I didn't believe. I believed in God, but not necessarily like I would talk to God or anything like that. I remember there would be times in the car, like you know, my mom had bad road rage and then in my head I would be like, oh, please forgive her. And then I would be like like, wait, who is this that I'm talking to if I don't believe in God? And so I think I went on this like journey of like is there a God? Is there not?
Speaker 2:So I was kind of like in this atheist phase, but then also agnostic and, um, I went down like a really so, yeah, didn't grow up in the faith at all, didn't? I really did not even like Christians. Um, I felt like they were very judgmental. I felt like, uh, they were always like reprimanding me for a lot of the things that I was doing. Um, I was like a really big partier. I drank a lot, very, very promiscuous, like I didn't grow up with my father, or anything like that. So like I feel like I was finding a lot of my worth inside of men and like sleeping around doing all that and I ended up actually being with a guy for and this was maybe when I was like 16, 17. And it was so toxic, it was literally like every other day we would break up with each other. It was just like we were like feeding on each other's insecurities and it was just, yeah, it was really bad and but at the end of this relationship I actually planned on taking my life.
Speaker 1:Oh my.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I planned on taking my life Like I'm literally.
Speaker 1:Hold up, hold up, we just fast forward. You're like, yeah, didn't go up, we got heavy drinker. Like that was like a big leap from just a little like was like throughout the way, like Was this morally wrong to you or was this like, this is just like it? And you didn't attach morals to it. It was just like drinking is just drinking and partying is just partying, or were you, did you, was it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it was just a normal thing for me because, like a lot of the people that I had surrounded myself with, they were all heavy drinkers, they were all doing drugs. And this is when I was like 13, 14, like very young, um, I grew up in a college town and so like, what?
Speaker 1:what town did you grow up in?
Speaker 2:warrensburg okay and so.
Speaker 2:so literally everybody was doing that stuff and I would be skipping school to go to these parties, like it was like a really, and so. So, yeah, to me it didn't seem like morally wrong. It was just like I'm finding things to do with my life and I want to be this rebellious. Um, I wanted to be different than a lot of the people in school. Um, like what, whatever anybody else was doing, I wanted to go the complete opposite way, and so I was drastically, I feel like, going downhill, like I just did not even want to be in school anymore.
Speaker 1:Were you like a mean person in your school.
Speaker 2:I would say so, yes, yes, I like looking back, I was definitely mean, um, but I was also like this is so weird. But like I also wanted to include people. Like if I saw someone like sitting alone at lunch or something, I'd be like, oh well, I should probably go and talk to them because, like they probably feel like a loner. But also, like I was very mean, I gossiped a lot, like there was just, yeah, I think I just had like a really detrimental mindset and also wanted to fit in and wanted other people to fit in. It was really weird.
Speaker 1:I think I see a lot of those I substitute in the local public school. I see a lot of kids that I think they want to be nice people, but they're just not. But they know that they want to, but that they also want to gossip. They also want to be important, they also want attention and they don't want to be the mean person. But then, when it comes down to it, if it's them versus somebody else, they're going to fight and they're going to, but it's like they're hard. I feel like I can see through all of that're going to, but like it's like they're hard. I feel like I can see through all of that garbage and I'm like, no, I know what you actually want. Yeah, and maybe is that sound like what you were like.
Speaker 2:Yeah it. It felt like I knew that there was a nice person on the inside and I would want to listen to that, but then also it was like, but I want to fit in as well, and the people that I'm around don't like this person, so I also have to not like this person, and so it really it was just a lot of that and then a lot of peer pressure and oh well, I slept with this person and you haven't slept with anyone yet. You should go do this already, like it was. It was very much like that. That.
Speaker 2:Those were a lot of the friend groups that I was around. There wasn't any like, um, moral standard of what marriage really was Like. A lot of my friend group had divorced parents or lived with one parent, and so there wasn't really good teaching or wisdom of what a family unit actually looks like and being led well in a family dynamic, you know, and so I think a lot of my friends were just very lost and trying to find worth in any area, and so, whether that be like guys or drinking or drugs like, and then all of us would kind of feed off of each other in any area, and so, whether that be like guys or drinking or drugs like, and then all of us would kind of feed off of each other in those aspects. So yeah.
Speaker 1:So when you lost your virginity, was it just like, oh, this is just a thing, this is just a part of life, and it wasn't like a big deal to you. This was like, like it probably was emotionally, but how you treated it wasn't like a big deal to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I don't think it was a big deal. I think it was more of just like, okay, well, I need to get it over with, because all my friends have gotten it over with and I'm the last one, and like, I don't want to be the last one who hasn't lost her virginity, and so, yeah, that was just like that was the mindset that I was moving through is I? I didn't want to be the only one in my friend group who hadn't done something, and so, yeah, very, very interesting mindset I was in. But I mean those, that's also the people that you surround yourself with.
Speaker 1:For sure, for sure, for sure. They say you're like the average of all the people you hang out with. You're like right in the middle. I don't know if that's true, but it feels pretty true, yeah. So yeah, you're just drinking, partying, promiscuous. What did you think about yourself? Were you happy with yourself?
Speaker 2:That's a good question. I wouldn't say that I was happy with myself, but I would say that I was having a lot of fun, if that makes sense. Fun as in I can do whatever I want and like I know where the parties are, I know where the drugs are, like people are hitting, hitting me up to find out where all these things are, so I was like feeding into a lot of that is like people would come to me for like recognition of, oh, like you know where the parties are, you know where this stuff is. And so I wouldn't say that I was happy with myself, but it was more of like I felt like I was being lifted up in, like people looked up to me as to she knows where everything is.
Speaker 1:Like you felt important in that way yeah, yeah, important in a sense, yeah, and like I actually had um worth or a purpose, and the purpose was to get people into parties drinking, which is so silly man, I was working this is, oh, I'm way than you, but I was working at Applebee's and in South Kansas City and these guys were like I know where the perfect under 18 club is, or over 18 clubs, and I was like 21. And I was like, OK, and I'd never gone to clubs. And he's like you got to come with me to Warrensburg and I was like I'm, I was like I'd never gone to clubs and he's like you got to come with me to Warrensburg and I was like I'm, I was like I'm never going to Warrensburg, but that's what you are probably way younger, but you are on your way to being the queen of Warrensburg.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, pretty much, pretty much so funny. Yeah, no, I would never tell anyone to go to Warrensburg. That's funny.
Speaker 1:I was like nah son, like have fun, all right.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be over here. That's so funny. So so yeah, I actually was only in Warrensburg till my 10th grade year and then I moved to Massachusetts. My mom was in the military, so yeah. So I was kind of like this military brat moving from place to place. And when I moved to Massachusetts, I think that's when a lot of things went downhill in like like Missouri was more drinking, like a lot of drinking, but then Massachusetts was a lot more smoking, weed all the time, doing pills, all that, and it was a normal thing, like it was a normal thing to just be high at school.
Speaker 1:Um, to like high almost how? What percentage of your school life when you were in Massachusetts were you high?
Speaker 2:I like a lot, like I would leave school to just get high because, like people would be at the door saying, hey, come on, we're about to smoke, like, and we would leave school and we would just leave and go to like yeah, really trying to figure life out. But also you were lost in all of these things that weren't giving you any any worth. In that aspect, you know, or like making me feel any more worthy, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:What was the plan? What were you going to do with your life?
Speaker 2:Oh, I had no plan. Like there was this one time. So I was really big into volleyball and I was on varsity volleyball out in Missouri. And then I moved to Massachusetts and I missed the cutoff to be on the volleyball team and so in my head I was like I'm going to be a volleyball star, like I'm going to be doing this my whole life.
Speaker 2:And as soon as I moved to Massachusetts and I wasn't able to be on the volleyball team and this is like my 10th junior year um, I was like, well, I guess, forget about everything.
Speaker 2:Like I'm just going to be like crazy drinker and smoker and do everything that I can and sleep around, and that, that, I feel like, is where, yeah, life just got really crazy. Because that's whenever I ended up with this guy who I didn't even really want to be with him, and this is where a lot of my twisted mindset was. But, like the friend group that I was with, they said, well, if you don't get with him, I'm going to get with him. And so I was just like, well, I don't want them to get with him, so I need to get with him. Yeah, that was my mindset and I ended up staying with this guy for about two years and it was really terrible. One of the main reasons that I ended up staying is because he was a drug dealer and so I kind of like always was able to have drugs like, like, always was able to have drugs Like, and so, yeah, that was, that was the lifestyle.
Speaker 2:Like a heavy drug dealer, or just like marijuana, like cocaine and weed, and so those were the things that I was in whenever, and I think that was like 17.
Speaker 1:So I was 17 at the time doing that and a TV show is like and you're dating a drug dealer that sells cocaine. Like did you ever think like I'm in a movie, like I've seen TV shows about this and it never ends up well. But it'll end up well for me.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know, I don't know what I was thinking at the time.
Speaker 2:He, he was an, an older guy, he was 23 and I'm 17. So I was just like cool, like I'm with an older guy, he does drugs, I know where to find all this stuff and he's bringing me around all of his older friends and now I can bring my friends as well. That that was what I was living in and um, yeah, um yeah, it, like I said, it ended up like really bad, toxic, um, we, we obviously should not have been together, but it was more of just like cool, he's here, I don't want my friends with him, so I'm going to be with him. And now I have to feed into this lie for a really long time that I actually like him when I, when I don't and I shouldn't be with him. And at the end of this this is when I actually wanted to like, I like plan committing suicide. I was like I'm not worthy, nobody loves me. My dad didn't even want to say I'm finding my worth inside of this guy who one I don't even like. I'm just with him for the drugs, like what is happening right now. And so all of this stuff was like, um, I was just feeling like I had no purpose anymore and also he didn't want to be with me anymore. We both were just like in this back and forth, like, uh, do we want to be with each other, do we not? And I think also the fact that this guy who I didn't want to be with didn't want to be with me also fed into wow, even a guy that I don't like doesn't like me, and that made my worth go down even more, and I'm not exactly sure why it was. Just it was a very interesting thing that was happening in my mindset.
Speaker 2:But this one day this is back in 2011. And this is when I'm like 17. And I had just planned taking my life. I was like there's really no reason for me to be here anymore, Like I don't, I don't want to be here, like I don't, I don't want to be here. I remember like scratching at my face and I had like welted red, like blood marks coming off my face from me, scratching so hard and just like. I just remember being like I need to get out of here, like I need to get out of my body, and I remember this was the first time that I had kind of like screamed out to God and said, like, if you don't take me, I'm taking myself.
Speaker 2:And I remember looking in a mirror and I'm crying like tears of sadness and I'm hearing these thoughts. I'm crying like tears of sadness and I'm hearing these thoughts, and and it's just two thoughts One thought is saying do it, do it. The other thought saying no, don't do it. And it was my first time that I felt like I had been taken off autopilot and I fully was seeing oh my gosh, I actually have a choice. I have a choice between life and death, and which one am I actually going to choose?
Speaker 2:And and as like, when I started noticing that, um, this is when this overwhelming, powerful, loving, warmth, energy that's that's what I thought at the time like, picked me up and cradled me and told me it was going to be okay. And from tears of sadness like no joke, within like a split second, from tears of sadness, as I'm looking in the mirror, it changes to tears of joy. And it was this moment of like, wow, I really want, like, and I don't know what that was, I don't know what just picked me up and cradled me and told me it was going to be okay, but I actually want to live now. And so at that moment, like I believe that that was God, but I did not at all, uh, think it was Jesus, um, but I wanted to get back to whatever that feeling was. That was just so loving and so kind, as I was like destroying myself, like in this moment.
Speaker 2:And this is where it gets. This is where my story gets even more weird. But I ended up going to Google and I typed in. I said what are thoughts? Because that was what happened for me is just like whoa, there's these two thoughts that are coming up in my mind. If we get to choose which, which one we're actually going to take and which one is actually true? And um, I ended up finding this school it was called university of metaphysics and, uh, the school basically talks a lot about how you are God, how you can attract a lot of things into your life by your mindset and crystal healing and tarot and psychic abilities.
Speaker 1:Like the secret, like manifesting kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. And so I would say, like the secret and the manifesting stuff was kind of like it was like a surface level understanding of a lot of the stuff that I was learning. But, yes, I feel like that's like an entry level into a lot of the things that I was learning, being able to attract all the things into your life that you want. Like you are the creator of your world, you are God. No one else created you, but you are that. And so I started identifying with the fact that, like I'm God and I would like actually tell that to people, like yeah, Sound like Kanye.
Speaker 2:Yeah, very prideful right.
Speaker 1:Well, he has a song called I am a God or something like that, or that just reminded off the Yeezus album Interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's funny, yeah. So yeah, I was just going down all these different tunnels.
Speaker 1:Were you still with the guy as you were thinking about this, or you got your, you called it off and you're like no completely called it off.
Speaker 2:That was done. Moved forward, joined the yeah, joined that school and I felt like the school was an actual place or was just online.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it was online, but it's also a place. It's out in arizona. I was doing um it online, so yeah, and it's just a bunch of metaphysical understandings about the universe and nature and creation and dimensions and how we're not from from this planet and like just all of these different types of understandings, and so I was really feeding into a lot of this, to the point that my mind was getting really warped into wow, well, maybe I'm not from here. And I remember, remember, like just saying out loud, like if there's any aliens out there that want to abduct me, like, please, like, take me from this planet, like, and that's. That was like a lot of. I would say that that was about five or six years of my life.
Speaker 2:After that moment of wanting to take my life, I was trying to figure out the spiritual world now, like what are these thoughts and who actually created me? And so, yeah, I went down this like deep spiritual journey and then I came across there was a guy online on Facebook who had reached out to me. This part gets really weird. He reached out to me and he goes hey, bree, I just want you to know that, like, I have been watching you since you were a little child and I have been, um, pretty much, pretty much slaying all your bad dreams. And I was like like, thank you, yeah, I was really confused. I was like, okay, what are you talking about? And he was like, well, I've been your like protector since you were a little girl. And he was like, well, I've been your like protector since you were a little girl. And he was like, if you want to get downloaded with all of the information of the universe, you should fly out to California. And so here I am in Massachusetts, 18 years old old talking to a.
Speaker 1:He might have been 45, 50 and he asked well, I mean, he's been slaying all of your dream killer things for years now.
Speaker 2:So exactly, so of course I can trust him, yeah, so so, um, I am like eating it up. I'm just, I am so gullible and so naive. I'm just really trying to figure out life and this guy is saying, like whoa, he's gonna tell me about my past lives and that, like I'm not from this planet and he can show me, like, where I'm actually from. Like, yes, I want everything to do with this. And so he bought me a ticket to california. I go to california and it's pretty much a cult.
Speaker 2:Um, you met the guy yeah, I, I lived with them for six months. I lived with eight people on a hippie commune, pretty much what part of california, arcata, uh. So so like right above Redding it's like okay, so northern California yeah, like four hours north of Sacramento.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, and so this hippie commune that I lived on, like all of them would walk around naked, they would do psychedelics every new moon and full moon to tap into like spirits and higher energies and um, yeah, and this is when I felt like I was going like really crazy. But I also was so curious and I was so interested in this, this spiritual realm, that they were part of and I just wanted to be part of it.
Speaker 1:Were you doing the LSD Was? It warping the way you were thinking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we were doing shrooms LSD, ayahuasca there was a lot of DMT, I think, anything that they had. They basically would say this is your medicine and it's the way to understand the universe and to understand your past lives and to understand where you actually came from. On any form of these drugs, they would actually begin to tell me. They would begin to say things like why did you become a baby again? And I was like, what do you mean? And you know, like, and maybe you don't know, but being being high, your, your brain is distorted and so a lot of stuff that you begin to take in, you begin to just uh, believe and think on it a little longer than you you probably should. And, um, they, they basically said that I was not from this planet and that I actually was from another planet and our planet got destroyed and so we had to come to earth and that that we had been reincarnating on earth for the last 40,000 years.
Speaker 2:And you're probably like wow, this is, this is crazy.
Speaker 1:No, I mean I'm, I'm, I'm in, I'm trying to find out the secret to the answer to life here yeah, exactly so, uh, yeah.
Speaker 2:So they had told me that I had been reincarnating on earth for the last 40 000 years and that the reason that we, we were reincarnating over and over and over again was because we needed everybody on earth to wake up to their purpose, to wake up to their mission, to wake up that we are all one and we are all God. And like if, if we all could wake up to this one understanding, we would beam back up into the heavens and just become one. And so I was like wow, like maybe I am from this other planet, maybe I really have been reincarnating for the last 40,000 years. And yeah, and so a lot of the people in this commune, you know they were into psychic stuff and tarot and astrology.
Speaker 1:Was psilocybin like a big deal, like with the shrooms?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So that was like an every, like every two weeks we were doing that, and so we had like a mushroom farm and a and a weed farm. So it was like right next to us to be able to just all right, like do you want to do this today? Like, yeah, let's go get some and put them in our smoothies and just do that. Yeah, it was. It was pretty much a ritual, like it wasn't. It wasn't just to have fun when we would, when we would do shrooms together. It was like everybody would come together in a circle, um, in a ceremony type thing, and call down, like um, the the different spirits of the North and west and south and east, and call in the wind and the earth and the fire and the water, and we would be like really doing these rituals to call in certain spirits that have been lingering on earth for a really long time.
Speaker 1:Have you heard of Charles Manson and the Manson family? Yes, so they did all of this LSD, and the book that came out about the murders made it seem like Charles Manson had this plan to bring upon this big old race war because he's this huge racist and he wanted the blacks against the whites. But as it turns out, they were all just doing a ton of lsd and getting their minds just warped. Yeah, and he wasn't, and he was because he had warped their minds. He would just command them to do these terrible things and they ended up doing it and he was just like a terrible, just evil person. And what you're saying is like it was it like. Did these people really believe themselves? Did they really want to do good or is it just like some sex thing that they're just like?
Speaker 2:if we just control people's minds and you know, I was there for six months and so it's really hard for me to like go go back there and be like were they legit, because there's part of me that's like no, they like really believed this stuff Like they. They really believed they weren't from this planet. They really believed that they had been reincarnating for a really long time. They thought that they were animals, richard, like. Some of them thought that they were like dragons, and some of them thought that they were like dragons, and some of them dolphins and mermaids and and you could literally be these things. And they were also saying these are things that I was in a past life and you just, you just can change bodies, like with whatever god um wants to teach you in this life is what you become.
Speaker 2:So a lot of like Buddhist type of teachings as well, because Buddhism teaches a lot about like okay, well, at one point you were an ant and then you became maybe a pig and then you became a person and you're just learning all these things, and so this is what a lot of this tribe was believing, um, but I would say, whenever I was like on the drugs with them, there was like a lot of commands, like they would say certain things and it would just like get into my head as like oh, that's true, like it wouldn't be, like I have to think about it. It would just like immediately go in my head and I'm like wow, like I am that and I'm not from here. It wasn't, I didn't really do a lot of thinking with it, it was just like the drugs would just take over and me believe it.
Speaker 1:Did your mom know where you were?
Speaker 2:Yes, and I remember before I left she was kind of like oh no, like I don't want you to go, like you know she was crying and but I was like Okay, well, I'm 18. And like I can do what I want now and I'm gonna go figure out life on my own and go on this spiritual journey. And you know, even crazier part is, have you ever seen that show on Netflix called Murder Mountain?
Speaker 1:I don't think I have no.
Speaker 2:Okay, no worries.
Speaker 1:Should I watch it? I probably shouldn't.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's a good show if you want to know what goes down at this mountain, but I can tell you so. So, um, a lot of like marijuana is grown out in california, up in where I was living, and um, um, there was this mountain that we would go to called murder mountain. I didn't think anything of it. I was just like cool, like, and this is where people would go to like trim weed and make money. You would make like $300 a day if you could like get a pound out and and that's what I was doing to make money while I was out there. But I would be gone on this mountain for about a month, not reaching out to my mom, and so, yeah, it's just funny that you bring that up, because, like, I would text her and just be like, hey, I'm going to be gone for a whole month with no service on this mountain, just letting you know like I'm fine At 18 years old.
Speaker 1:Just going to murder mountain so I can move this dope.
Speaker 2:Yeah, pretty much, and yeah, and I I mean I ended up finding out later in the years like you, you would hear gunshots, like on this mountain, like whenever I was there. But you know, I was just like, oh, people are just like playing around with a gun out here, like I didn't think, like, oh, this is actually happening to people and, uh, were you happy? Was I happy? I felt like it's so funny. You asked this in the beginning as well, because I, like, when I, when I think of happy, um, it's more of just like I wanted to be different than literally everybody in the world. You wanted to be.
Speaker 2:I literally wanted to do the complete opposite of everybody, like I thought everybody else was crazy and I was like the normal one, like not, not normal, but like like cool, I'm doing all these crazy things that nobody else is involved in. This is awesome, like that was. And so it felt more of like this rebellious, like I'm fighting the system, like and I'm I'm the one that's awake compared to everybody else who is living this like normal, weird nine to five life, like I actually get to explore and learn about my mind and spiritual understandings and um, yeah, so I don't know if it was like, uh, I'm happy. It was more of just like I can do whatever I want and um, there's so much more to this spiritual realm than a lot of people are making, making it out to be. But, like Christianity and Jesus and all that was not on the table at all for me. Like it was completely like Jesus was down here for me compared to every other spiritual thing that I could tap into, you know, here for me, compared to every other spiritual thing that I could tap into, you know.
Speaker 2:And um, yeah, so, uh, yeah, I, yeah, definitely wasn't happy. It was more of just this rebellious characteristic inside of me that was just wanting to learn about everything, like being so curious, um, but yeah, so anyway, I didn't learn about about that mountain, like what was actually going on, until I saw the netflix series and then I watched it and I was like, oh my gosh, like that was the mountain I was on, like there's a lot of, there was a lot of, uh, drug deals gone wrong, pretty much like we'll just documentary murder, mountain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I might. I'm gonna take a look at. Maybe I shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Maybe ignorance is bliss it was good to learn about, if that makes sense. There's a lot of people who go missing, and so you want to know why well, tell me why they're they're murdered exactly on the mountain.
Speaker 2:And that's nothing to laugh about. The Lord was really protecting me and I didn't even know it at this time. Praise the Lord. I was the most oblivious young girl ever. That was just like I'm going to just figure out life on my own. I'm going to just figure out life on my own and yeah, like, wow, like God is very good for just protecting me during those times.
Speaker 1:So you were there like six months. What happened?
Speaker 2:So I feel like the drugs were really obviously taking a toll on me. I was starting to go crazy. In my mind, I was starting to hear thoughts that weren't mine. Um, like, I literally thought I was hearing spirits and these spirits were telling me to do certain things or like contact certain people, and I would like I would start feeling, for instance, like a cancer patient, and and they would be telling me like hey, I'm on my last like journey. Will you go tell my family? And it was like this really weird stuff that was happening and I was like what is going on in my mind right now? Like why am I hearing all these weird thoughts?
Speaker 2:And I ended up leaving California because I was like maybe I just need to get away from this group of people, like maybe there's something wrong here. And I ended up going back to Massachusetts to live with my mom and I ended up starting an Instagram account Because I was going. I just felt like I was going really nuts inside my brain and I was like I need to get a lot of this stuff out, like through video, and maybe there are other people who understand what I'm going through. And so I started this Instagram account and I talking about, like, how we're not from this planet. I was doing tarot readings, I was doing astrology readings. I was doing mediumship because, like whenever I was hearing, like you know, when I was in California, I was hearing, um, certain spirits tell me certain things, and then they would actually tell me a certain family member and I was like, oh, maybe I need to contact this person, like what is going on? And um, and do you know what mediumship is?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Okay, no worries, so it's. It's basically contacting the dead, so okay.
Speaker 2:So that's what I basically gave myself the title of like mediumship. I was a psychic Um uh. I was doing terror readings, astrology readings, all of that and I grew this Instagram account to like 20,000 followers, and that was back in 2014. Like 20,000 followers and that was back in 2014. That was a big deal. I think Instagram had just started like two years before or something like that maybe. And and at that time, like I was kind of the only one in the new age realm that was doing videos and so people I felt like people were just flocking to a lot of the stuff that I was sharing you.
Speaker 1:You believed all like with like, tarot or whatever. You believed all of it.
Speaker 2:You thought the cards were going to give answers and stuff yeah, like I literally felt, well, okay, so at this time I was literally hearing spirits talk to me, so as, as I would like pull a deck or something, a spirit would say certain things about the cards, and then it was just easy for me to hear what was going on, like through a situation. And so, yeah, like, while, um, now where I'm at, I know none of that is true, but also they are tapping into demonic stuff that is telling you certain things that wants to warp someone else's brain and gets like, in a sense, put that spirit on top of them, and so, yeah, that's. That was pretty much how I was making. All my money was on Instagram doing all the readings. I was doing this thing called Reiki, um, where it's like Japanese yeah, so it's.
Speaker 2:It's Reiki healing, pretty much like um being able to heal people and pull out certain diseases out of their body, and um also like I would do this on like zoom calls, like this, in a sense, and it was like we can do distance healing, like and you're gonna pay me for it and like, yeah, so all like I was making all my money from this, and then um what was your account called?
Speaker 1:Does it still exist?
Speaker 2:It was called no, I deleted it. It was called Awake, alive, aware. Yeah, Very, very interesting time period and I, literally, like I, was so prideful it was more of just this, like I'm the one that's awake, I'm the one that's aware, I'm alive, I know all the secrets to the universe and you need to come through me to figure it out for yourself. And and, um, like I, I ended up getting a lot of my friends into this, and still some of my friends are in in this, and so I've been praying for them for like, like, since I've been a believer for them to come out of all of this stuff. Um, but, yeah, and I mean, I even got into witchcraft. Um, I had a whole book of shadows, like, where I was actually doing spells to bring in certain things into my life, and so it felt like things were very um, how do I say easy. Like things felt very simple at this time period of like I always had to do something, but when I did it, it was like it was always given, if that makes sense. Like, uh, new age is a very works based. You have to, you have to get to the next level, you have to be more enlightened, you have to reach the next, um, just this state of enlightenment. You have to reach it to get, uh, to the next level, I guess, yeah, the next place, that's. That's pretty much what it was, but there was no stopping, like you had to keep going and you had to keep knowing more than the next person. It was just like you're being fed so much false understanding and false truths that you think you're becoming more educated and more spiritually enlightened, when really you're not. It's just it's kind of taking you down this rabbit hole of death. And that's what it felt like for me.
Speaker 2:And I remember there was this moment where I was. I made a video and I didn't post it online because I was like, ooh, all my followers are going to be like really upset about this one. So I didn't post it. But I was like in the video I said there's got to be something more, like there's got to be something else than this, like I can't keep talking about all this stuff anymore, because and I think this is also a time when a lot more people were coming into New Age, and this is where my rebellious mentality was it's like why is everybody talking about this now? I don't want to be included in something that everybody is talking about, something else, and I need to find it. Like I, I need to go and find it and, um, I mean, it took me a really, it still took me like a little bit time to get to get to Jesus. Like I was really down that spiritual path for about five, six years, um, but then there was this moment, um, there was this moment, um, I was 22. Yeah, I was 22. So this can go in two directions, so maybe I'll I'll share both.
Speaker 2:But, um, there was this one day, um, I was out with my mom, her and I. I ended up like just getting really drunk she did as well and we, we were in Ohio, we lived in Ohio at the time, and there's this place called toxic and it's literally like 11.3 beers and above, and and so we, yeah, I, I was just like getting really drunk. And I remember and sorry, let me go back real quick but like right before I went out, I remember asking the universe, basically saying like universe, like I need you to smack me with a wake up call, because I feel like I keep going to the same things over and over and over again and I can't seem to get out of them. Like I knew something was wrong but I couldn't get out of it. And so that night I'm like really belligerent and I ended up getting in a fight actually with my mom on the bar district, like to the point where she was on the ground as I'm fighting her and fighting yeah, she wasn't, I was, and the cops were right there actually and they ended up coming over, coming over to me.
Speaker 2:They gave both of us a warning and said, like go your separate ways. And I was like you know me, your separate ways. And I was like you know me being belligerent. I was like well, how are we going to go our separate ways? We live in the same house. Like they're like I'm just going right back to the house. And I remember they gave me a ticket and at this time again, I was very oh, what's the word? I think I just thought like way too highly of myself.
Speaker 1:Hubris or.
Speaker 2:Something like that. Like I just felt like I knew more than a lot of people and like I was so educated and I had learned something about, like the government at the time, that if they write your name in capital letters, it's not actually you, it's actually a corporation that the government assigned to you when you were a kid. And so they hand me this ticket and my name is in capital letters and I throw the ticket back at them and I was like that's not me, that's a government corporation and um and yeah, and they were like okay, ma'am, like we just need you to leave, like that's all they're saying is. Like we just need you to leave, like from where you're at. We know you're drunk and me being really dumb at the time, I said, know, like I. I basically said, uh, the only reason you guys are cops is because your iq is so low oh no and, um, they couldn't, they were at this time.
Speaker 2:they basically were like okay, ma'am, you're under arrest. They end up like arresting me but they didn't read me my rights and me being again just very vicious, I would say. I look behind me as they're putting the cuffs on me and I was like are you going to read me my rights? Are you going to read me my rights? And then they end up reading my rights and I again I just felt like I was like very knowledgeable in these things that they weren't, but also being really drunk and stupid about it.
Speaker 1:And you're going to jail for the night.
Speaker 2:And I'm going to jail. So I end up in jail and this is where, like I feel like the story just gets cool because Jesus comes in.
Speaker 1:I'm like it's going to get weirder. We just got off of murder mountain. What are we? What's next?
Speaker 2:What's next? No, so, um, yeah, so I'm in jail. Um, and you know it's cold in this jail cell. I'm with like three other people and we're kind of in this holding cell like before we get booked, but there's like books off to the side and this woman, she comes up to me in the jail, with me, in the jail cell with me, and she goes. She brings me this book and she goes I think God wants you to read this and it's the Bible. And I'm like that's really funny. Here I am so belligerent and just like yeah, yeah, right, am I finding God in a jail cell? That's definitely not happening. But it's cold, I have nothing else to do with my life, and so I'm like let me open this Bible. Let me, let me just open it up and see what it's about. And I don't understand any of it. So I'm like I'm just going to close this, so I close it, toss it off to the side.
Speaker 2:The next day, my mom of all people comes and picks me up from the jail cell and I end up going home and writing this really long Facebook post saying like I think I need to give up drinking, because whenever I drink, it leads to this and it leads to this and like all these, all these addictions that I felt like I was under, like I knew that there was a lot of things that were wrong that I was doing, but I just did not know how to get out of it. And when I was writing this Facebook post, I just felt so repentant, where I was just like something's wrong. Right now, like I've been living a life that is not bringing me further. It seems like I'm just kind of like leading myself to death even more. And I had this girl reach out to me and she was 20 and I was 22. And she she's, and I looked up to her, even while, like being younger, I was just like wow, like this young girl seems to have her whole life together and she's very successful and just all these things that I was like wow, like she is so joyful and so kind and so loving. And she reached out to me and she goes hey, brie, I just read your Facebook post and I know like you are super educated and all the universe and creation and life and all that, but there is nothing like knowing your creator and you really need to know Jesus, like Jesus loves you and he's the only reason I've been able to stay away from drugs and alcohol and um, yeah, so I really think you, you really just need to give your life to him. And I wrote her back and I was like thank you so much for that.
Speaker 2:That's really interesting that you just told me about Jesus, because last night someone handed me a Bible and it just seems like he keeps popping up out of nowhere, like like why, like what's the reason? And you know I was that person that was like absolutely not, I want nothing to do with Jesus. Like he was like a lash lash straw type thing, and but this was that moment for me. I was just like wow, this I'm, I'm on my last hope right now, and something there's got to be something better. There's got to be something better than what I've been doing. And that was when I actually was just on my knees and I was just like all right, like I'm not gonna say the universe anymore, like this is my first time that I actually acknowledged Jesus. And I said, okay, jesus, like if you're real, I need you to show me, because I literally do not believe in you, and I need you to show me because I literally do not believe in you and so I need you to show me. And like I'll believe in you.
Speaker 2:And again, not even two seconds later, I'm back scrolling on Facebook. Like right after this message and right after the prayer, literally the first post that I come to it's this guy and he has this like art drawing on his post and it's like drawing something and I'm just like so mesmerized, I'm just like captivated by this picture and at the end of the picture it's Jesus and I was just like oh my gosh. And so, literally after, after jail, the day before get handed a Bible, I write this post. The girl reaches out and is like hey, you need Jesus. Here I am praying to Jesus, and then Jesus literally pops up two seconds after that prayer that I'm just like all right, like my life is yours. What do I have to do? Like what do I do next? I don't even know what this life is supposed to be like with you. I've literally like like dragged your name through the dirt my whole life, like why do you even want me? Like those were the things that I kept.
Speaker 2:Pondering in my mind is like how. Pondering in my mind is like how well one like how, how does a God that I have continued to just be so mean, and so mean to the people of God as well, how does he still love me and still chase me down after, like all all these years that I've ran away from him and also said, like no, that's not the son of God, no, he's not true. Like that's all just an indoctrinated like religious system. And yeah, like it, it was just a. It was just mind blowing for me that a God like that would just continue to chase you down, like after all the destruction that you have done, and and just his grace and his mercy, just like is lavished upon you, and that that like truly was just so beautiful and I was just like crying my eyes out in that moment.
Speaker 2:And so, ever since then, I kind of just was just following the Lord and like it was hard in the beginning because, like the first thing that like I was like hearing him say is like, hey, I need you to delete your Instagram account. And I was like, but I make all my money from here, like, I'm doing astrology here, the Reiki, like all of that, and he's like it's been founded on the enemy, I just need you to delete it. And so I was just like all right, like I'm just going to delete it and like in the beginning I felt like he wanted me to be homeless. I was like what is going on? Like my life feels like like people say, when you come to Jesus, it's great, but like my life seems like it's not. Not that it's not great, it's just everything that I had been dabbling in was being taken away.
Speaker 2:And it was all I knew, and so I didn't know what a spiritual life with Jesus even looked like, without all the different modalities you know. So, um, yeah, it took, it took a lot for me to just lay everything down. Um, I feel like, for the first year I was, I was a closet Christian, cause I didn't know how to tell a lot of people like, hey, like, yeah, I don't believe that I'm a witch and I don't believe that, uh, like, I've been reincarnating for years and years and years, but I actually believe that Jesus is the son of God and he came here and he freed us from sin, and like, if we walk with him, like, like he'll show us a better way, like he's, he's the way, the truth and the life, and and that, um, it was just really hard for me to tell people that I had been leading for a really long time down a completely opposite direction, especially when these people also wanted nothing to do with Jesus.
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, yeah, how long ago was that?
Speaker 2:That was in 2016.
Speaker 1:2016.
Speaker 2:So I've been in the faith for about nine years and life is like just so much better. So drastically.
Speaker 1:That is a crazy story. How did you get big on freedom from pornography?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so okay, so okay. So I knew even before I was a believer that I was deeply addicted to pornography and I also didn't know how to get out of that either. And I was like, how, like, why do I keep going back to this? Like I'm literally doing this pretty much like every day, like I I would leave friend groups just because a thought would come to my mind where I'd be, like I need to go home and watch this. And, um, I would say, whenever I became a believer, it was like, oh, like this, this is why I couldn't get free. Like, maybe it was because I didn't have Jesus to show me. Like, oh, I've been living in this sin for a really long time, and I remember there was this moment and this is 2019.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 2019, I went to Thailand and I saw human trafficking for the first time and I went to like there was like this bar district or red light district and I was seeing really young girls, probably like 12. Just at these massage parlors and I knew something was off and they kind of just had to stand there and yeah, and so it was really hard for me seeing that, but I didn't know what was going on fully and I came back to the States and I have I had this job in the past called brand ambassador events, where you basically go out and promote different products at like sporting events like the Chiefs or the Royals and things like that. And there was this one event that I did chiefs or the royals and things like that and there was this one event that I did. It was a human trafficking, like supporting survivors that have gone through it, and whenever I saw it, they were talking about how a lot of human trafficking is. It's actually all in porn.
Speaker 2:And I remember there was this one day, like before this event, that I was still dabbling into pornography while I was a believer, and I remember asking God, basically like I need you to put something in front of my face that gets me away from this, because right now I want to go and do it right now, but like I know that I shouldn't, but I keep going back and and you know I was kind of just in that moment and you know the the Roman seven like I was really believing, like well, I know that it's wrong, but I keep going back to it, but like I agree with my mind that like you are true, but like I'm serving both both masters right now and that's what I was living in, like I I did not know the truth of roman seven, so it wasn't until, um, I ended up going home from this event and being like I think I need to learn the backstory of pornography. Like, so I actually started learning, like deeper research and how most people in most women or men in porn videos, they're actually all being trafficked and a lot of them are actually like some of the women are were either murdered or they've committed suicide and things like that. So I was really learning the backstory of of pornography to help me realize this is nothing I want to be part of. And, um, it took I would say it took about uh, well, because 2019, 2016,. It took about three years for me to be like fully out of that, but I think the first three years it was more of just like, well, if I can't have sex, this is what I'm going to go to. Like it was like, yeah, like that was what I could go to instead of that. Like I'm I'm not giving my body to someone, but I can do this. And God was showing me like, no, like these are also my sons and my daughters as well and like, why would you want to be doing that? And I remember just asking him like, hey, like if I'm ever watching this, like present them to me as your daughters and your sons, so I can get like a true understanding that this is wrong and I should not be watching this. And yeah, it really so.
Speaker 2:I actually did a podcast as well, with a with a lot of people who had gone through porn addictions, and so it really took hearing a lot of their stories and then also my story that helped me get out of pornography and just realize, wow, this is taking you down a really dark tunnel as well, because why do I keep feeding into this? Why do I need something that one is fleeting, one I actually don't like. Every time I do it, I'm immediately grossed out with myself, and then shame seems to just like fill my head and um, and I would just like it felt like I was beating myself up, like I would talk to God in the beginning, like, oh God, like I really don't want to do this, but like I think I'm going to, and like I would just like feed into those thoughts and then afterwards it would be like, oh well, you know you shouldn't have done that. Like, why did you do that? And and, yeah, I just felt like I was in this like really big back and forth for a really long time.
Speaker 2:And then, um, yeah, I really just started understanding like, no, like my body is sacred, their bodies are sacred as well, and my body is for the Holy Spirit. It's not, uh, to be given in that type of way. Um, and my eyes shouldn't be on that type of content. Um, I really just wanted a purity of mind and eyes and ears and and, and I feel like the lord was really helping me with that in the beginning. And I remember telling him, um, I want to be married, but I do not want to bring this addiction into marriage. Like I want a completely clean slate, like this isn't something that I should be putting on my partner at all. And um, and that was when God really just got ahold of me and said I need you to learn, like, before I can make you a wife, I need you to learn how to be my daughter. And it was just a really beautiful yeah, they were just really beautiful words of wow, like I actually don't think I have been seeing myself as your daughter because I want, I didn't have a father growing up, so it was really hard for me to even claim God as my father, like, I think in the beginning, you know, I said Jesus, I said God, but the father portion was like off limits for me.
Speaker 2:And once, once, god said I need you to learn how to be my daughter. Um, that is when I feel like everything changed for me, because he started showing me my identity. He started showing me that I, like I was fully worthy, that he bought me at a price, um, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made like that I am, his righteousness and just all these things that he, he, was implanting inside of my brain and just showing me, like, like, I can fully walk these things out, and he has, he's made me to walk these things out and really believing that, um, yeah, it just, it changed everything for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so much of the time, pornography is an identity problem. It's we don't know who we are, and so we give ourselves up to something that we weren't created for. We're going to take a real quick break. I want to read you this review Somebody sent this to me about the podcast and, man, it was such a blessing.
Speaker 1:It says thank you for allowing the Lord to lead you and share these stories. My heart had been so hardened lately, and these stories have begun to transform my mind and grow a hunger for a relationship with Jesus and people. Again, I can't stop listening. Man, what a privilege it is to be able to minister to God's people, and we're only able to do it through your donations. We're only able to keep this thing going by people who sacrifice and partner with us, and we've been going through 2025. We need your help. We want to continue to preach the gospel wherever we go, and you can partner with us by going to loverealityorg slash give that's loverealityorg slash give and partnering with us. We want to share the gospel with everybody and we're doing it. People's lives are being changed and we want you to be a part of it. So go to loverealityorg slash give and partner with us. Let's get back to the episode. So how long after that did you run into your husband?
Speaker 2:So okay. So Victor and I we met back in 2016. So actually, whenever I was about to give my life to Christ, but I actually got him into new age as well.
Speaker 1:Nice, yeah, so nice.
Speaker 2:And I'm so, so grateful that the Lord brought him out of it. And so, um yeah, in 2016, like, I was showing him a lot of, like uh, pendulum like see bro, you're a tree dog.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, exactly no, but I was. I was definitely like he was super open-minded to spiritual stuff as well. He grew up Catholic, um, but he didn't really follow it, um. And then he, yeah, I think I ended up showing him a little bit of new age. I think he was already going down that route, but I was like, hey, you know, you can talk to your higher self and like you are God and you know I was saying all that stuff to him, and but it wasn't until 2020 that I ended.
Speaker 2:Uh, my job fell through in Kansas city. Uh, like I said, I was a brand ambassador and working at um, like the chief stadium and all that. And my job fell through because of COVID and so it was. It was March and Victor was living in Chicago and he was a solar manager out there, so he would do door-to-door sales for solar and him and I literally just we were literally just friends online. We would, you know, like each other's posts here and there. I met him like once or twice in person when I was in Kansas City and, yeah, that was back in 2016. So we didn't really like know much about each other. I saw him more as like my younger brother, because he's three years younger than me and I was like, oh cute, like, like, he's my younger brother and I think when I met him, I was like I was 22. And he was 1819. So I was like 22 and he was 18, 19. So I was like, absolutely not like that, that wouldn't go anywhere. And, um, it wasn't until, uh, he contacted me in 2020 and he said, hey, why don't you come to Chicago and do solar with me? And I was like, yeah, no, I don't think God wants me to do solar Like that.
Speaker 2:That was just like my my thing in the beginning was I'm going down the ministry route, like, like, and it's so funny, like I feel like in the beginning of my faith journey, I still like, had this very like a lot of pride, still like there was a lot of I'm going to be on stages, like I'm going to be teaching about all of this stuff. And God was like hold up, hold up, like you need to really like just bask in the word and know what it's even saying first. Um, but, yeah, so, uh, yeah, so I just did not think going the solar route was anything that God wanted me to do, and and I ignored him for about a month and I felt, god just press on me, like, hey, I need you to go to Chicago. And I was like, uh, well, now that he's saying I need to go to Chicago, I guess I should go to Chicago. Like I don't know what this is for, but I guess I'm doing solar.
Speaker 2:And at this time I had like no money to my name Because, like because, like my job had fell through and I was like, wow, I can't even pay my phone bill. Like this is getting really bad. And uh, uh, I'm not sure if you know this, but like you know, like when you can't pay your phone bill, you literally aren't able. Obviously you don't have service on the road, and so so I literally, whenever I was at home I was in Olathe, actually Kansas, I was, I was living there I typed in the address to Chicago and I turned it on airplane mode and I said, all right, lord, like if you really want me in Chicago, I'm going to need you to get me there, because all I have is like this map that I plugged in the address and I'm turning it on airplane mode.
Speaker 2:So please don't put me in any uh like no service area, because if I go to a no service area, the whole map thing would go out. So I was all planning this with God in this moment, like just talking to him, and he's just like go, and I'm like okay, I guess I'm going on faith. So I drove a whole eight hours with no service, no music or anything like that.
Speaker 1:Just raw dogging, driving, just like just driving.
Speaker 2:Yeah, literally, and just praying the whole time like get me there, lord, and. And as I get there, literally at the front steps, the service goes out. I'm like oh, my gosh, how, how funny.
Speaker 2:And you know all these people that I was living with again eight people I'm living with, but they're not. They're not a hippie. They're not a hippie commune like like that one in California. These people are still in new age, they're all in new age. They're all doing Buddhism um, not not any tarot, but you know they're into astrology, they're into like this higher dimensional type of understanding, a lot like I was living in, but not as wild okay um more of like a surface level type enlightenment and now the real stuff that you had
Speaker 2:the real weird stuff, yeah. So I remember like, since I was like obviously me being a follower of jesus, and like all these other eight people, I'm like wow, like nobody here really believes in jesus. And if they did believe in jesus, they believed in this thing called christ consciousness, where you can embody, embody Jesus and you can embody the energies of the disciples. But Jesus wasn't actually a real person, and so I was like, okay, I really need to be a bold Christian out here and just be able to walk out my faith, like truly, and any conversations I get in, like let me just like have no fear to be able to share, like the journey that I've been through, because a lot of them it seemed like they were walking that line a little bit of what I had experienced. And I remember just being like I think I need to do a three day water fast. And at this time again, chicago um, the doors had gotten shut down to do solar. So, um, we had to move to Florida. And so we all, within a week of me moving to Florida or to Chicago, we moved to Florida. So we're driving down to Florida and I'm like I need to do a three-day water fast over the house and I'm like I want, like I'm saying all these things and I want everybody in this house to come to the Lord and Victor, my husband, was on the list and at this time and it's so funny I feel like a lot of my testimony goes. It goes into like a lot of the drug territory for some reason, but it's so fascinating. And since they moved from Chicago, um to Florida, they didn't have a plug, they didn't have anyone to get weed from and they were on tinder like all the time, uh, swiping on women that had a tree leaf in their bio. And I just remember being like, oh, like that hurts my heart that they're. Remember being like, oh, like that hurts my heart that they're swiping on women just to receive weed. They don't really care about the woman, they want the weed. And I was like that really reminds me of some of the stuff that I was going through.
Speaker 2:But, um and I had I had met up with a guy out there who followed me on Instagram and, um, he said, hey, bree, like I see you're in Florida, we should totally grab coffee. And I was like, yeah, totally, let's do it. And I was so excited because I was going to be around a Christian Cause I hadn't been around one in a really long time and I was like cool, like uh, let's go grab coffee. We grabbed coffee and he's telling me he's like I really feel like God's telling me that I need to give up weed. I think I'm going to flush it down the toilet. And I was like amen, like do it, like that's awesome.
Speaker 2:And I get home and I literally like I'm seeing them like still searching for weed. And I remember just this weird ping in my spirit and I felt like I was being a bad Christian at the time. But the ping in my spirit said why don't you tell him about the person that is trying to get rid of their weed? And I was like no, that's a really bad idea, like I should not do that. And I just kept feeling it and I was like okay, like I'm going to tell them. And it was Victor that I told and he he was like yes, like let's go get it. And so we drove there and instead of getting the weed, he he ends up getting the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1:Crazy.
Speaker 2:So, literally, there's four people in this house. They all have come out of new age, like us, and they're all just like sharing their testimonies. And I'm sharing my testimony. Victor thinks we all have known each other for like a long time. We hadn't, we all had just met. And he, victor, is just like wait, if this is what you guys say, it is like what do? What do I do next? Like like I've I've dabbled in the Bible, like I believe in Jesus, but like I don't think I believe him the way that you guys do. And so that's when all of us, just we laid hands on him to receive the Holy Spirit. Hands on him to receive the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2:And, no joke, when I opened my eyes after the prayer, I heard God say this is your husband. And I was like what? And I was like absolutely not. Like he's doing everything. That's like not what I had on my list of a husband, or like someone who, like, is on fire for the Lord. I was like I'm going to be with a pastor, I'm going to be with someone who knows the Bible back and forth, like he's going to be leading me. He's not sleeping outside of marriage, he doesn't do drugs, all these things that I thought were worthy of a person to be married with, married to as a believer.
Speaker 2:God was just like flipping the script on me and saying this is your husband. And I heard it. So it was such a peaceful, loving voice and I just knew it was him that I was like, okay, um, well, I, I ended up going home and I just write in my journal and I was like, are you sure? Like are you sure this is him and he, and it was just always, it was always yes, and I was like, okay, well, if, if he truly is my husband, you're going to need to tell him, because I am not saying that, like that's just so weird, like I'm not saying that to him, saying that, like that's just so weird, like I'm not saying that to him. And, um, no joke, two days later he came to me and he goes okay, so this is gonna be really weird, but I'm only gonna say this once but I think you're my wife and wow and and this is going from I at one point saw him as my younger brother to the next day he's my husband and I'm like this is wild.
Speaker 2:And yeah, it was. It was definitely a God thing. So I was just like okay, like I don't know what's happening, but I'm just, I'm going with it. And it was just like this moment of like you know, you know, when you know how long after that did you guys get married Four months of like, you know, you know, when you know how long after that did you guys get married? Four months. So we, we knew in in august, got married in december, and so it was just a very like this is it and we have never like.
Speaker 2:Immediately he started reading the bible, like he was saying things that he hadn't even read yet and I was like you know, that's in the Bible. And it was just like so cool that the Lord was just giving him just all this knowing and this teaching so quickly. And so, yeah, I feel like our journey has been very interesting as well, because, like there were a lot of things that I was walking through with him that I had I had already dealt with, and then I was like, oh, wow, like God, god is showing me to be patient with him as he walks through these things as well, and so it was a lot of like having grace with um the weed as well. Um, because I was like, no, this is definitely not what I want in my house and this is definitely not what I wanted in marriage. Um, but then, like God really just grabbed hold of his heart and was like, yeah, this isn't anything that I need to do anymore, and he was just feeling very convicted of it and so, yeah, sorry, long story long.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's super interesting. Now talk to me about, like you said when we started this thing, that what you were hearing from us is what you had been learning. How did you start learning about this finished work thing, or freedom from sin? Understanding of Romans 6, romans 7, romans 8?
Speaker 2:seven. Romans eight yeah, so again I I dabbled in a lot of different Christian understandings and started realizing like why does? Why does everybody in the Christian faith seem to have different takes on a lot of scriptures? And it was getting really confusing for me different takes on a lot of scriptures, and it was getting really confusing for me and I was just like I'm going to go offline, like I'm fully going offline to the point that I went off for about a year and a half because I felt like social media was really tainting the way that I was viewing scripture, like like maybe I was taking something someone was saying and I was like, yeah, that's truth. And then I was like, wait, but this is actually what it says. And so I got off social media and I just started reading things for myself and I was like, okay, this is what I believe about this, this is what I believe about this.
Speaker 2:And then, as I got to Romans seven, I really was just reading it over and over and over again and I was like I think Paul is actually speaking about someone in the past, like, and I really just started sitting with that and I was like he's speaking about someone that's under the law, not under grace and not under the spirit of Christ, under the spirit of Christ. And I remember trying to bring that up to a few people and it wasn't sitting well with people as I was saying it, because I think a lot of people were saying like, oh, so what are you saying? That you're just a saint and that you never sin? And I'm like I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that you're like you're just a saint and that you never sin. And I'm like I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that we actually have the ability to live this out Like we we have. We died to this and we no longer are that and we're a new creation and so we're walking in his spirit. And so I would say, yeah, a lot of it was just like me reading it for myself.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, I'd go to church and I would just hear this stuff about the flesh, a lot Like, oh, it's our flesh, like you need to deny your flesh and you need to submit, submit to the Lord and not your flesh. And I was just like I don't think we're in a war with the flesh, like I think like people are just listening to the enemy over the spirit and you're allowing the enemy to taint your thoughts, like that. That's what I was like really thinking in the beginning. Um, and then I was seeing like a lot of your stuff and I was just like, wait, like this is, this is what I believe, and I don't think I had actually come across anyone online that was sharing that type of content. Um, I was like this is really good and I think more people need to hear this, because this is the actual truth that we can actually live this out.
Speaker 2:It isn't is. It isn't like this process like yes, we're being sanctified and maturing in our faith, but it's not like like we received the holy spirit, like fully, and you're not dying to yourself daily, Like it happened once and once for all. And so that was a really big game changer for me of living out. Oh, I actually don't need to go back to any of this stuff, like any of those thoughts that keep coming back up. One, it's not me, because, like it's not Christ's voice, like I know what the word says and I need to obey my thoughts to what Christ says, not, not to any of what the enemy is trying to infiltrate my mind with. And so that's what I started like separating.
Speaker 2:I was like, okay, I know God's voice, compared to like a voice that's telling me to go towards something, but I knew it had nothing to do with Romans 7, if that makes sense. Like I knew that I wasn't in this battle between the law and grace, like I'm not two people, I'm, I'm, I'm one person and I'm a new creation in Christ. And so, yeah, I I would say, like you guys, really like love. Reality was a big, pivotal point in my understanding of like wow, that like a lot of what I have been learning is true, but I feel like you guys gave like a bigger platform of just a lot of what I have been learning is true, but I feel like you guys gave like a bigger platform of just a lot of teachings with it, which helped me a ton, because I felt like I really felt like I was going crazy for a little bit. It's like it's like it seems a lot more simple than I think some people are making it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's so many contradictory statements and so much confusion. If you think that you're dying every single day or that you know. Galatians five 17 says if you walk by the spirit, you won't satisfy the desires of the flesh. Galatians five 24 says that those in Christ have crucified the flesh with its desires and its passions, and so the flesh is kind of just like our, our old patterns, our old way of thinking and yeah, in Christ we put those things off because we're new and some people just have a real, real hard time with that.
Speaker 1:But, bree, you have been a testimony to me. When you said you were crying now I remember. I remember texting the boys afterwards. I'm like yo, this girl just showed up to the Bible study out of nowhere because she saw one of my stupid reels, and just seeing your life lived. I've never met you in person, even though we come from the same hometown. I've never met you in person, but just seeing your life lived and hearing this testimony what an amazing God that we serve. And you know, seeing you walk this out and ministering to people. You know, maybe you're supposed to be on stages, maybe you're supposed to just witness to one person. I don't even think about it that much. Somebody messaged me yesterday and they were talking about like God sending it's, like is there going to? Is God going to send, like a big person to, to minister to to God's people? And this is someone who I had ministered the gospel to. I'm like well, he sent me to minister to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he's like oh well, that that's true. And so every single person matters.
Speaker 1:And just hearing you hearing this story wild, and I'm just praising God for the revelation that he gave you. Last last thing if you could jump in the DeLorean, you go back. Last thing if you could jump in the delorean, you go back. You go back to warrensburg. This girl who, like you, just see her and she's, she's, conflicted, she, she wants to do right, um, but she also wants to be cool, um what? You put your arm around her, you take. Take her to McDonald's, get her an ice cream cone. What would you say to her?
Speaker 2:That's good. I would immediately tell her to follow Jesus, and Jesus is the answer for everything that you are looking for, all the curiosities, all the understanding of life, the fitting in. I would tell her that Jesus wants to take your hand and lead you exactly to where you're looking, but in the perfect place, in truth, and that life will literally never be the same. It'll be a 180 flip. From where you're at now, you won't want to commit suicide or do all the drugs or drinking or anything, and instead you'll have rest, rest inside of him and you will know that you're loved and that your identity is in him and that you do have a father and he loves you just for who you are.
Speaker 1:What about a murder, mountain Bree and people that are stuck in new age that are looking for answers? They're desperate for answers and they're looking for them inside of the Buddha or in tarot, or whatever. What would you? How would you minister to them in tarot or whatever?
Speaker 2:what would you, how would you minister to them? I would, I would definitely say like you're, you're searching for the right thing in the wrong place.
Speaker 2:You know, because you are searching for God, you are searching for the spiritual understanding, but that the only truth that you're going to find is in Jesus Christ. All these other things, they're little breadcrumbs that are bread, crumbing you to death, whereas God Jesus, he is the full loaf, he is the bread of life, he's the God that keeps on giving and you can ask and like. You will never go thirsty with him, and but it's not something that you have to continuously like climb up the ladder Like he's right there with you, he's in it with you.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I saw that you had a couple of books out. Where can I find those books? What are they called? If I wanted to read, read the story.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Amazon, amazon, you can find them. One is called Innocence to Ancients. This is about my new age story and this is actually not when I was a Christian, so that story is more of just like the deep seated. This is what I was going.
Speaker 1:Well, you wrote a book when you weren't when you were in new age, and it's about new age stuff.
Speaker 2:It is Yep, so the whole mindset is not Christianity, so just just practicing OK the. My other book is called the Temptation Cycle. My other book is called the Temptation Cycle and it is about breaking free from sex, temptation, lust and pornography, and you can also find that on Amazon as well.
Speaker 1:Thanks so much, brie. What a pleasure to have you on here. It's been long overdue, and thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me.