Death to Life podcast
A podcast that tells the stories of people that used to be one way, and now are completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Jesus.
Death to Life podcast
#216 Jonathan Felix: The Gospel Changed Everything When Nothing Else Worked
Jonathan shares his transformative journey from growing up in a rigid religious environment to discovering true freedom and identity in Christ's finished work.
• Grew up in a strict Adventist home focused on doctrine and religious law
• Struggled with pornography addiction from a young age
• Repeatedly tried and failed to break free using willpower and accountability
• Received discouraging messages that addiction would be a lifelong battle
• Experienced a breakthrough when he learned to see himself as God sees him
• Had a "dolly zoom moment" when he realized his identity is not in his mistakes
• Found freedom by understanding Romans 6 and his death to sin in Christ
• Now shares this message with others through social media
If you're struggling with addiction or shame, remember that God has removed every obstacle between you and freedom. Your identity isn't determined by your struggles but by Christ's finished work.
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The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is Death to Life.
Speaker 2:I'm like, bro, what are we like? This is so annoying. Um. And so I felt like really just kind of defeated because, like I felt like this is something that I would try to hit 30 days. I can't hit 30 days, and then people are telling me this is my life forever. I'm like bro, what are we? What are we doing?
Speaker 1:Um that that can be super discouraging, like that would be the kind of thing that you would just give up on it and be like this is who I am, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, definitely. I was just like bro, I guess, like I'm going to be like this forever. You know, like I would always have that hope of like I could hit 30 days, but when it doesn't come, I'm like, oh, that's what I was expecting, you know.
Speaker 1:Hey, welcome everybody to the death of life podcast. My name is Richard Young and today's episode is with my brother, jonathan Felix. Jonathan is such a sweet dude. He's going after this thing and just hearing his story about you know what goes on in high school. I feel like that also goes on in real life. But his just reception of the gospel, his battle with lust it's a story that we've heard and it's super sweet because it just highlights you know the gospel shining through. Highlights you know the gospel shining through when you know stuff is saying other things and it's confusing. The gospel shown through for Jonathan and his life is a testimony that God has loved. So I think you're really going to enjoy this episode. He's the man Love y'all, appreciate y'all, buckle up and strap in. This is Jonathan.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I would say my story definitely starts just with my background, like I grew up Adventist, like very, very Adventist yeah.
Speaker 1:What does that mean? Very, Adventist.
Speaker 2:Like you know I'd go to. I went to like maybe five or six Revelation seminars before I went to high school. You know like we'd go to church, listen to the sermon, go home, watch Ivor Myers or something, or you know watch more sermons and so like I wouldn't say like it was like super legalistic but definitely very hardcore into Adventism, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:It does make sense. If that makes sense.
Speaker 2:It does make sense. It does make sense. So, yeah, I mean definitely grew up with like a huge emphasis on like Adventism is like the truth. It's like this is the thing you know. And so I grew up like spiritual, like in a religious environment. I wouldn't say spiritual, but religious environment.
Speaker 2:You know, I remember when I was in like I don't know fourth grade or something, there was this girl at my school who was Catholic and my dad would be like watching Walter Veith at home, you know, and he's talking about like the anti-Christ and stuff. And I was telling this girl like you need to watch this video, you need to watch this. It's talking watch this is talking about, like, um, the catholic church. And she'd be like dude, what are you talking about? And she sent me like one video about like some proof of mary. I sent her like this three-hour walter weiss sermon that I didn't even watch. You know, I'm just like do you have to check this video out? Um, but yeah, like that was, did she watch it, did she? Yeah, oh, I don't know, probably not.
Speaker 1:I went out on a date with a catholic girl once. No way, yeah, it was kind of scary. I was like she's gonna like she's gonna you don't get married. She's coming to get me yeah, bro, that's funny yeah, you can't, you can't mix, you know, oh, man, you got to watch out, keep your head, your head up, and if you're not understanding what we're talking about, we're not being serious right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean, that was like a lot of my background with church. Is that like it's super important, like we have the truth right, all this prophecy stuff, and I was just like cool, like it. That's cool, like I would look at um, like daniel and see the statue right, and it's like the different kingdoms. I'm like yo, that totally checks out, that's logical, it makes sense. Like cool, you got me, like that makes so much sense and that's kind of where, like where it all was just at, is like this logically is clicking, it's making sense for sure, like I, I get it whatever, like and it's totally true, you know, but I never had that like personal kind of like.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, this is important to me because you know, um, I would pray like god, help me find, find this Lego that I miss, and um, I would maybe find it. And then I would be like is that God, is that me? Like what's going on? And so, yeah, and I didn't really have this like personal kind of um connection, um, but what really shifted like everything was I did youth rush in the summer, so it's like a what is youth rush?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like canvassing, like going door to door with um, like Christian, like Adventist books. You know, we go door to door with like health books, um, just books about like Jesus or something, and that was super cool. Like it was cool because I saw God actually like answering prayers that I couldn't like be like. Oh no, was that me, was that God? It was for sure in my mind like 100% God. You know. So after my first summer of youth rush, like, um, like dude it, it wasn't like a doubt, it was like 100%. I know God is real and there's importance to like like getting deeper into this thing of Christianity, whatever, whatever, it is Right.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I was 15 when I did my first summary, um, but yeah, oh, let me let me backtrack a little bit, actually. Um, so, before this, like man, fourth grade no, no, not fourth grade fifth fifth grade, maybe like end of fifth grade, sixth grade is when, um, when I started getting exposed to pornography in my life, like I don't know exactly how it, like how I started. I think it was like literally just me, like oh, I've heard of this thing, let me look it up. And then it was just like boom, you know. And like yeah, it just I was exposed to this thing and it was like an active part of my life, you know, like I couldn't, I knew that I shouldn't be doing this, but like I was just like it's not that bad, I guess, like does it really matter?
Speaker 2:Really you didn't feel the guilt, condemnation and shame heavy like like the rest of us, like I don't know, I did maybe like the first, like when I first started, but then I was like like it just became a habit that I really wouldn't think about that much, if that makes sense, like it was just a habit to do and I wasn't processing through like how, like if I should, if I shouldn't, but it was just a habit you know I'm I'm saying that because I'm not sure if pornography comes across as evil as it used to.
Speaker 1:Uh, growing up everybody knew pornography was not like. It's not good, it's evil yeah and maybe it's so prevalent you're. You're a young guy, you're born in what? 2003, 2004, something like that. Yeah 2003 yeah. So like by the time you're like porn, I don't know if it's like doesn't it's not looked at the same, and so then it just is like yeah, everyone's looking at it or it's not that big of a deal yeah, that's definitely true because, like you'll see stuff of like people in relationships.
Speaker 2:It's like, oh yeah, like I watch porn, you know, and um like, just like, oh yeah, this is totally normal if you watch porn, like that's totally fine, that's healthy and it's like normalized. So I definitely got that some aspect where maybe at this age I wasn't really seeing that too much, but later on I definitely got that aspect of like, oh, every like this is normal. You know, everybody does this. You see it in like you know memes. It's like, oh, like, this guy watches porn. It's like a little throwaway comment that has no weight and it's like oh that's just normal, you know, um.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so before I did my first summer of youth rush, I was like, um, watching pornography and um, just in that I don't know how to say like in that space, you know, sure, um. And so I do do my first summer of youth rush and I'm like on fire for something. I'm just like dude. This thing is real, um, and so I'm trying to do what I can so I become my like class pastor for like seventh grade or sixth grade, seventh grade and, um, I didn't do anything with that position, you know, cause, like it was like the summer was like a peak in my spiritual, spiritual, like uh, you know spiritual environment. And then when I go back home, um, I just didn't have that, you know that that peak, and I wasn't in that environment anymore. So I kind of just lost it. I was just like doing school, um, just chilling. And then the next summer I do youth rush again and same thing. It's like super fun, super awesome. I'm like super excited because God is answering prayers. And I mean, I have some stories.
Speaker 2:If you want me, I can share, like one example Um yeah, there's this moment, moment, like some people, or a lot of people, have these experiences where they're like man, god sent you to my door, you know, and people tell them that and it's like a really cool, like affirmation that god has sent right. Um, it was like the end of my first summer and I didn't have that yet and I was just like dude, like no one's ever told me this, and my youth leader was like pray specifically, specifically for like or pray for specific prayers, you know. And I was like okay, like God, I want somebody today to tell me like God sent you to my door, like this has never happened to me before on this day. Just have someone tell me like God sent you to my door and I was just canvassing, going normal, like forgot about the prayer, and I get to this door. It's like the end of my day and this lady, she opens the door.
Speaker 2:I gave her the cookbook and she's like wow, this is so cool. Are you psychic? And I was like what? It's like? No, like what are you talking about? She's like I was literally just looking for recipes online that are simple and the book is called Simply Fresh. She was like I literally typed in simple recipes. I was like, oh, that's so cool. Like, yeah, this is a cookbook. Like I'm explaining it to her, she's like like vibing with it.
Speaker 2:I show her the other health book. She's Christian, so I show her all the Christian books. She has kids. I show her everything. She's like let me get my checkbook. So she goes inside and then she comes out and she says it's crazy, it's like God sent you to my door and she gives me the check and I was like, dude, that's so like, that's so wild. Like the one day you know, like without a doubt, right? So yeah, that was super cool. Like moments where, for sure, like God is so real, like without a doubt, that there's like moments like that all the time, where it's so specifically answered. I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that. I think sometimes we get a tendency to pray for something and then, when it's answered, think, oh, I didn't even need to pray for it because it was like it just worked out, not realizing that perhaps your prayer is the thing. And so I just have a rule in that if it's good, it's from God, so like, oh, I don't know if that was me or if that's like God, if it's good, it's from God, so like oh, I don't know if that was for me or if that's like, if it's good, it's from God every single time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's so true. Yeah, that's something that, like, you need to just remember a lot, cause sometimes we don't realize that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so I did another summer of youth rush. Same thing. Now, this is like going into my eighth grade year, I think, or no, going into the summer before my freshman year of high school. Then, same thing did a summer of youth rush. It was like I was on fire. I was like dude, god is real, he's awesome, but I'm still kind of just like like the same thing is like I'm Adventist. I know that, it's true, I don't know why. I can kind of like explain like prophecy a little bit, cause I've seen prophecy seminars. I can kind of explain Daniel like barely, Um, and I can like be like guys, prayer is real. And that's pretty much where I was at, you know. But then after the summer, like again, I'm like just not really reading the Bible, not really doing anything. I'm just kind of like back to baseline, like you know, just chilling.
Speaker 2:And yeah, on that note, I guess when I was in the summer, I would gauge my spiritual health based on oh, am I reading Christ, object lessons, am I reading my Bible? And so there's this quote that I would hold on to from Ellen White, that I held on to for a very long time, which was the Christian life is like a plant You're either growing or dying, right. And I was like that's me, I'm growing but then dying, but growing and then dying, and I'm always growing or dying, right. And so I was like that's me, I'm growing but then dying, but growing and then dying, and I'm always growing and dying. And I was just like I would resonated with that quote because I was like that's me, right, um, but I guess I'll talk about the quote later, but it the quote wasn't even that.
Speaker 2:But anyways, that was how I felt, where I was like growing and then dying, and growing and dying, right, like the summer comes, I comes, I do youth rush, I grow, after the summer, I die, and that's really, yeah, that's really what was happening, or that's how I felt. And then so I do high school, I go to Monterey Bay Academy, and that you know, the spiritual environment there, if I'm being honest, isn't the greatest. Um, yeah, I mean same thing. Just in the summer, I was doing great, went to youth rush, then at school, just like, didn't really do too much, so like, yeah, what was, uh, what was the push with the spiritual life?
Speaker 2:what do you mean by that?
Speaker 1:like. What is the like what? What was the school promoting that they wanted you to grab a hold of?
Speaker 2:The school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or you know the programming, like what was it? What was the point that they were trying to get across?
Speaker 2:Yeah, for youth rush you're talking about, right?
Speaker 1:No, just like from your Bible classes and the Vespers programs.
Speaker 2:Oh, I see what you're saying Bible classes and the Vespers programs and church. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, I mean, I just felt like I don't really remember any worships actually that were given at like my elementary or high school. I don't like my Bible class. It was this teacher that. I do remember his classes, but it was like you're learning about like different religions you know, or you're learning about like, oh, he actually taught me how to use, how to look at like the Greek words you know and look at context. So that was actually cool, but it's more of yeah, it wasn't teaching like the gospel or teaching like dude. This is what Christianity is about. It's more of just like busy work, just for school, like the teachers are trying to make sure that we hit the requirements to graduate. So that's kind of how I thought I didn't. I honestly don't. I can't remember a single worship or vespers or something from high school or from um elementary school or anything it's kind of wild when you think about it yeah, no, seriously um, but seriously Um.
Speaker 2:But I mean, yeah. So I I went to high school at Monterey Bay Academy. That was really fun, um. And at Monterey Bay Academy I, my senior year, I was the student chaplain. So I tried to do everything I could like this is my, this is like the um, yeah. So I did youth rush right before and then I was like dude, like like on fire. Again. I need to be the student chaplain. So I call the like the student chaplain or I call the chaplain um for the school. I'm like hey, like can I be on the team? He's like, yeah, sure, and then he puts me as a student chaplain and I was like let's go, I try to do a bible study and like three people show up, you know, sure, the next week it's like zero. So I was like all right. And so I do remember worships that I gave and looking back, actually, I look back at the worships and they're actually like chill, like I was kind of low key preaching gospel a little bit.
Speaker 1:What were you trying to get across? What were you trying to preach?
Speaker 2:It was just like. It was just stuff that I was like this sounds nice, you know, or stuff that like I thought just made sense, or worships that I've heard in youth rush Cause at this point I've done, I had done youth rush for like what, four or five summers, so I would hear my leaders give worship and um, so things that I would like write down or take notes. Um, I remember one. I was talking about the. You know, like a righteous man may fall seven times, and uh, I was talking about like, like it just sounded nice but low key, it was gospel. I was just like, dude, like this verse isn't saying that if you fall, like you lose salvation, it's a gift, it can't be lost. You know, like, if you stumble, just get back up, like that's. You know a righteous man gets back up, like that's what he does, and um, that was cool. Like I didn't know gospel but I was preaching it a little bit, you know.
Speaker 1:It's such a tough time, man, like high school is such a tough time. Maybe the rest of life is kind of like high school and we're just kind of hiding it, but there's so much insecurity and you're making mistakes and so there's so much shame that comes for you. So if you're preaching and you're just, and some people get some relief from the shame, that even that's a good thing.
Speaker 2:You know, because it's so hard you don't really know what you don't know and you're just trying to figure it out yeah, well, you just reminded me that throughout this whole time, like I was still, uh, not free from pornography, right, still a slave to pornography. So this whole time I'm like preaching, but I know that like I'm doing something that I shouldn't be doing, um, but, like I said, like it's in the back of my mind, like I'm not really thinking, like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this. It's just a super annoying habit that I have that I'm just like, dude, I need to stop. Like I need to stop, um, but I'm just like whatever, like I would try to hit 30 days. Like once I hit 30 days, I know that a habit is broken. So if I'm 30 days free, I'm good, um, and then I wouldn't hit 30 days. I'm just like whatever, like this is so stupid. And then I get like a streak. I'm like all right, let's go for 30. And then, you know I it breaks and like so annoying for 30.
Speaker 1:And then you know, I it breaks and like so annoying. Um man, can I, can I touch on that? We're about to roll out this, this free from porn thing. And, just like you, I used to count days. Counting days, is not it? Counting how many times you are able to to regulate your emotions in the light of truth? That might be a thing Because, like the practice of changing a habit and aligning it with who you are in Christ, is whenever you feel a temptation or you feel a tension, to actually lean into it and then do exactly what you want to do as a slave to righteousness.
Speaker 1:And so, if we think just days that go by and then we start back at the beginning, like you can just think of in this way, I'm not scared of temptation or scared of a tension or an urge or something. I'm just regulating those urges through Christ, rather than just like I went a whole day without looking at something I'm not supposed to look at. It's oh. Twice today I felt this urge, but I regulated it in the light of truth. Praise God that I'm regulating, doesn't that? Does that sound different? It's made a. I think it is a huge difference to people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is a huge difference, like even you hearing that.
Speaker 1:now I've never heard it like worded like that, like 100, like counting how many times, like you just regulated it, like that's yeah, in the light of truth, like, while I feel this tension that I want to look at something I shouldn't, I know that I actually don't want to and the tension's coming from whatever, like it's a pattern that you've had, or you're angry or resentful or whatever, because usually pornography is a solution to a problem. Rather than it's a problem, we're usually using it to mask something else, and so when you actually lean into it and regulate your emotions, it's much different than running away and I know the Bible says to run away, but what we're running away is actually to deal with the thing that is bringing us tension, rather than to just act like no, I'm fine, no, I'm fine, and repress, and then usually when you do that, it ends up coming to get you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, yeah. So what you said about how pornography is normally something that isn't the problem but is a solution to like, like um, you know, short-term solution to the problem that we have Um, like like um, you know, short-term solution to the problem that we have Um, I think that's what you said, right? Yeah, man, absolutely yeah. So that reminded me, um, throughout high school, like I had always been in um leadership positions, like I always tried to put myself in that Um and it was, like you know, useful to me.
Speaker 2:I grew a lot, but I definitely felt some value and worth tied to like my leadership position, you know, because I was always doing that and so, definitely, I think that you know, those are two like solutions that I was trying to, or two ways I could solve the problem that I had, right, that I thought I had, and I was trying to solve it in those ways I had, and I was trying to solve it in those ways Um, so that's, I think another short-term solution that I was trying to do is like I just felt like the need to be seen um through these leadership positions and um, so, yeah, man, I mean, high school was really fun, but I was just kind of like living, um, like sharing with people, and I was like I'm the student chaplain. I'm trying to like share with you but at the same time living, you know, behind closed doors, like watching pornography, you know things like that, and did you?
Speaker 1:did you have friends that, like you guys, would ever talk about this stuff, Like man, like kind of rally around and say how can we, how can we live different? Or was it all just quiet?
Speaker 2:Yeah, not in high school. It was all quiet in high school for sure. Um didn't talk about that with people like at all. Um.
Speaker 1:so yeah, I mean, I think that's the thing that brings the shame. The shame cycle is we're quiet, Like shame is for. It's like covering up, like when we're covering something up. It brings that kind of shame no, yeah, no, definitely.
Speaker 2:I I always heard of like, you know, get an accountability partner and stuff like that. Um, I just never like was comfortable with that, like I didn't want to open up, like I had shame, you know for sure, and uh, so I never did that. But, um, yeah, not in high school. I, I we never had like a group or anything like that. Um, but yeah, so after high school I do another summer of youth rush and that summer I was going to go to, um, uh, manoa in hawaii. I was going to go to the, you know, university of hawaii, but during the summer there's this school called Souls West.
Speaker 2:That's really tied into Youth Rush and during the summer I was like dude, like what if I do Souls West? Like what if I go to this little Bible college in Arizona and just study the Bible for like two years? And so I was stressing out so hard about what I should do, cause, you know, like either go into like schooling, like college, and like continue my career or my education, you know, or go to a Bible college that's unaccredited for two years and my dad is a very my dad is like really educated, um, and he really pushes education Right and I really appreciate him like for that. But he was definitely trying to get me to not go to Souls West. He was like, dude, like go to your, like continue education. And I was just like really torn, like what do I do? I was praying like God, give me a sign, and like nothing, you know, I didn't feel any specific thing and I just had two good options.
Speaker 2:Right, like I had two really good options, I think, in my mind, like I had continue with college or go to this Bible college, and I ended up choosing to go to Souls West. I did like a pros and cons list. I felt like I would learn a lot at Souls West. So I went to Souls West and, yeah, that was interesting, that was really cool. I felt like I feel like I learned how many kids go there. My class had five students and it's two classes because it's two years, but normally on average it's like I don't know 40, 30, 40 students, but we had like 16 students in the class above me and five in my class. Um, so it was really small, super small school hmm, yeah, is the food good?
Speaker 1:where is it in arizona?
Speaker 2:it's in prescott. Sorry, but I feel like I'm talking a lot and maybe you want to this is your interview dude?
Speaker 1:uh, how far is it from phoenix? It's like two hours. Yeah, okay, was your pop upset that you went to souls west um, no, I mean now he's not.
Speaker 2:Now he's like oh, I think it was like good for you, but um, at the time he was just like dude. My recommendation would be to continue with your education, because it's going to set you two years back and it's like valid, valid advice, advice, um for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm. I think I'm thinking ahead, like have you gone to a four year school yet? No, so, he was kind of right, yeah, but the story isn't over yet. Who knows what's going to happen in your life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:All right, so you're at souls West 20, about 21, 22 people.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What was that like?
Speaker 2:It was cool. I mean the environment is so great. Everybody is like your age, like 20, 18, you know, 19. And everybody is just like wanting to like learn about the Bible, learn about God and like. The environment is really really cool. Um, it is still that adventist environment, you know what I mean. Um, it is still that like heavy savvy kind of vibe, but it's still cool. Like you know, it's still cool to see people who are really passionate about like the bible. So that was really cool. Um, and the classes are great. I mean it's a lot of like more knowledge, like head knowledge, stuff, like prophecy, how to study the Bible, daniel revelation, salvation was one of our classes, things like that. So really I mean just a lot of knowledge.
Speaker 2:And the food like the food is all vegan. Actually, my first year it was vegetarian but they try to be vegan and it's actually not bad. Like I heard some years it's really bad, but when I was there the food was pretty good. I felt like solid, tasted good. But, dude, my first year.
Speaker 2:So around the like late like the second half of the year, this guy comes to souls and he does this like he's like a visitor. He was like really big in like the canvassing world and he went to souls west and he was the director for a little bit, but then he left, um, and he comes and he does this like three day, this three day like little mini series for us. He's just there to like speak to us, you know, and the first day is about trust. Oh, um, yeah, I am going fast, so let me back up a little bit. So, at souls, like we do have those, we do have those like meetings, you know where it's like we're trying to overcome together, we have this thing called most, which is men overcoming struggles together. Right, it's like literally a meeting.
Speaker 1:Men overcoming struggles together. That sounds dope.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so our most meetings we have these meetings we go there just talk about stuff. And yeah, I mean they would talk about pornography sometimes. And like all the time, man, it's like, dude, like all guys deal with this, all guys deal with like lust, and it's just something you're going to have to like learn how to manage and learn how to deal with for the rest of your life. And I was just like, bro, this sucks, like what are we talking about, you know? Like what are we doing? Like if this is what I'm going to be doing all my life, like this just is not it, like this sucks. And at this time I'm still, you know, a slave to pornography right, Like I'm still.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you want some help, like help me out, get me out of here. Yeah, and I'm just like bro, like what are we? What are we saying? Like she's like, yeah, man, like, um, like a lot of guys go through this and, um, that's just, it's cause, that's just like what happens. I'm like, bro, what are we? Like? This is so annoying, um, and so I felt like really just kind of defeated because, like I felt like this is something that I would try to hit 30 days. I can't hit 30 days, and then people are telling me this is my life forever. I'm like, bro, what are we? What are we doing?
Speaker 1:Um, that that can be super discouraging, like that would be the kind of thing that you would just give up on it and be like this is who I am, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, definitely. I was just like bro, I guess, like I'm going to be like this forever. You know, like I would always have that hope of like I could hit 30 days, but when it doesn't come, I'm like, oh, that's what I was expecting, you know. Absolutely and yeah, so in that souls definitely had that like in that that group of guys to be accountable with. But you know, the mentality was like not, not great, um, and it's, it's all like?
Speaker 1:did you lie to your accountability partners? Did you lie at the most meetings? Were you?
Speaker 2:were there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I never taught anybody, yeah so even if, like, you're in this thing and you guys are all in it together, um, would you like, if you messed up, would you be like, yeah, I'm good, or yeah, let's go, guys, or would you actually be honest?
Speaker 2:well, they wouldn't ask like, who's like who, like messed up this week or something you know, but it was just like just like, let's talk about it as a group. If you want to share, you want to share, as I just wouldn't share, um, and so I didn't talk about it. Um, but I was like I saw a guy talking to a staff member, like after that meeting, and I just kind of put the pieces together that obviously he's talking about that, because it was like like right after the meeting, and I was like, dude, should I know? Like that's something I should do, but I just never, never did I just too shameful, you know. Um, but, um, yeah. So then this guy comes to souls West.
Speaker 2:He does this three, three day like series. The first day was about trust. How, um, god is a God of trust. He wants us to trust him, but it takes time to build to trust, because when you meet somebody on the street for the first time, you don't immediately trust them, and that's okay. Like God knows that it takes time. And I was like, oh, that's a really cool perspective Instead of beating yourself up for like, like dang, I didn't trust God in that moment. It's like, okay, like grow, it takes time, don't beat yourself excited about where you're at right now in your Christian journey. He doesn't expect you to be like the number one Christian right now, like he expects you to just grow, like that's all he wants. And I was like, oh, that's cool.
Speaker 2:Second day was about how, when God says something, it actually happens. So, tying into trust, like trusting that what God says actually is true, and like that's faith, is that when he speaks, it literally happens. And it happens like right now. So that I was like dude, that's really cool. It's like not just me believing in some random thing, it's like God actually speaks and it happens like it's real, you know, like tangible.
Speaker 2:And then the third day was seeing with new eyes and he started he was like who here is a sinner? Obviously, we're all like great soul students. We're like me, me, like I'm a sinner, right. He's like, okay, awesome, thanks for your answers. And then he asks he's like going through his presentation, it's just about like it's about Romans and he's just like man, like who here has been baptized? It's like us, okay, he reads Romans six. It's like you know, if you're baptized, you're free from sin. Right, the old man is dead And's like, okay, who here is free from sin? And it's like, not a lot of hands go up right and it's like, okay, like all right. And then he does this whole presentation. I forget exactly what he says. Um, maybe he didn't use the exact language free from sin, but that's what you know. Um, and afterwards he's like who here is a sinner? And, uh, we all raise our hand again. He's like dang, you guys are not getting it Like we need to reshift our grief.
Speaker 1:Hold up who?
Speaker 2:is this person? Do you know Anthony Baca?
Speaker 1:No, I don't, but it sounds like this guy gets it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like the moment for me was when he asked the second time, like who here is a sinner? I raised my hand. He's like y'all are not getting it. We need to shift mindsets, like Holy Spirit, help me shift mindsets today. And then when he said that it was like you know what a dolly zoom is right.
Speaker 2:Like in Jaws Goodfellas, vertigo, yeah yeah, yeah, it was like that dolly zoom moment where I was just like yo, what? Like it was like he's saying to not identify as my mistakes right, to not identify as like messing up, but to identify as what Christ calls me, and I was like yo, that's crazy, like what? And then so he asked again like who here is righteous? Like we all raised our hands because, like, for me, that was like that click and yeah, after that, dude Souls West was on fire. It was so cool, like everyone, like students, were like dude, I actually was studying this last year in the summer and it's so true, like I can wake up, look in the mirror and be like that's a son, a righteous son of God, and I don't say like that's a sinner. I was like yo, what are we talking about? Like this is so cool.
Speaker 2:This one staff member passed out this book called christ our righteousness I don't know if you've heard of it by um, bill lemon or lehman bill liversage. Is it bill liversage? No, it's like l-e-h-m-a-n. That's the bill rise our righteousness. And um passed out that book and then also a book called God's Love Affair with the Guilty. So those two super good. And this guy's like Adventist right and he's just breaking down, like Ellen White, quotes of how like she's like talking about righteousness too, and at this point, like I'm at, you know, souls West, which is like heavy savvy, and so everyone's like dude. Ellen White confirms this too, like da da, da, you know she's in. So, yeah, like I was like dude, this is it Like I had teachers telling me, like we had this one class on Daniel and she's talking about man. Oh, she's talking about 1888, right, or 1844, sorry. But then we get to 1888. Oh, man, sorry, I shouldn't have said that because that's so much explaining to do so 1844, if you're a listener is when the Great Disappointment happens.
Speaker 1:But 1888 is when the Righteousness by Faith meeting in Minneapolis, jones and Wagner kind of a big deal in Adventist history. So if you want to know more about that, this is probably not the podcast for that, but there's, there's plenty of. But, by the way, you just I think I you just had one of my favorite moments on the death of life podcast when you said the, the dolly zoom. I don't think anybody any other guest would know what a dolly zoom is and uh, I'm a film nerd or whatever, and so when you said that, I was just just like, let's go, okay, what's your?
Speaker 2:favorite, dolly Zoom in cinema. Oh, bro, yeah, honestly, I probably shouldn't have said that because I can't think of a lot right now. I know that no Way Home has a really clean one that I like, where he has that realization, that realization moment of what is it? I'm forgetting his name, but go green goblin where he realizes green goblin is the. He's like Norman Osborn is green goblin. He has that dolly zoom moment.
Speaker 1:That's cool, you know the part in jaws that I'm talking about, where the police captain is on the beach and they realize that it's a shark eating this kid and it dolly zooms on his face and that's probably spielberg. That might have been the first dolly zoom. Anybody uh, you could, you guys uh who are listening at home, just youtube dolly zoom, spielberg and it'll, and it'll show you what jonathan is uh is talking about with this moment. Like, oh man, not a sinner, so we need to make some content off of that.
Speaker 2:But keep going. Have you seen, severance?
Speaker 1:Severance? No, I haven't. Is there a cool?
Speaker 2:shot in that Dude, there's a ton of dolly zooms. Yeah, if you like cinematography, bro, severance is so cool, but there's a ton of dolly zooms. Because there's a ton of dolly zooms? Because there's always moments where the characters are like shifting personalities basically, and every time that happens there's a dolly zoom like in when they shift and then a dolly zoom out when they shift oh, okay, so is it?
Speaker 1:like when they're going to the basement don't spoil it. Don't tell me anything. Yeah, don't tell me anything. I'm gonna watch it later. Okay, so souls West is on fire. You're reading these different books. Ellen White is down. Keep going, yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, man, Like, and this book was. I'm looking back at the book now and it's literally talking about Adam one, adam two, talking about forgiveness, talking about Romans seven, romans six, romans eight, like. It's just literally like wave one, but in a book, you know, and um, it's just this guy's like sermon transcripts and at the time I was reading it I was like this is super cool. But it wasn't really clicking. Exactly how like Adam 1, adam 2 worked, exactly how like these things like made sense. But I was like, yo, this is so cool, everyone's like hype about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had that teacher telling me about 1888. She's like this is is like like if the Adventist church had adopted this, like Jesus would have came. Like there's a direct correlation between this message being preached and Sunday laws, which means that there's a direct correlation between this message being preached and Jesus coming. Like she's trying to make that connection. I don't know if I would really agree with that, but that like she's trying to make the connection that this is the message that's important. You know, right, this is it. I was like yo, this is so cool. Like, this is like this. Is it Like this is so cool? And yeah, like, I was just like like reading a ton like that book, reading the other book, and then the school year ends, I go to Uthresh and that's where I meet Nick and you did a podcast with Nick.
Speaker 2:But I meet Nick Lesh and he was like, bro, I'm learning about this stuff too. Have you heard of Love Reality? I was like no, I haven't. And so I listened to like one or two death life episodes and I think I watched like the five minute gospel intro that Jonathan does on the beach. I was like yeah, this makes total sense. And it's like a further shift of like um, you're free from sin. It's not just don't identify, but continue did you listen to tyler's episode?
Speaker 1:is that the first one you listened to?
Speaker 2:I don't remember. I did eventually um, but I don't remember which episode I listened to.
Speaker 1:I think that would. That would have hit home, because it's the one where he's, you know, addicted to porn yeah, I think the first episodes that I listened to were the um bible verse drafts uh, what do you think about those were? They're too wild. When you were listening to. We're gonna record one next week actually.
Speaker 2:Oh, for real yeah, no, they were, um, they were sick man.
Speaker 2:It was like like takes on, um, on you know bible passages that like I had, I had that wrong mindset. But now, with this like base level and like this base level knowledge of like, no, it's different, like there's a different shift of reading the Bible. Um, I was like dude that makes so much sense, like I remember I think it was Tyler or maybe it was Ben, but um, it was the, the pearl in the field, and uh, he was like, he was like dude like you're the pearl, like you are the pearl in the field, and he was like dude like you're the pearl, like you are the pearl. The pearl is in the kingdom of God, where you like you can interpret it that way, right, but the more important way, and to see it for yourself, is that you are the pearl and God like looked for you. I was like dude that like that makes sense, like that, literally, that's so cool and it was just more like mind opening, kind of like it makes sense. You know if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:That is, Tyler has this story I don't know if you've ever heard it where he was talking to a coworker who is unchurched. Have you heard this story where?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's in that episode.
Speaker 1:Is it? I love that so much? I've used it in sermons. It's in that episode, is it? I love that so much? I've used it in sermons. Yeah, man, to understand how God sees us and what he gave up for us. Like that'll make you run through a brick wall, like when we really understand Romans 5.8, like if we really really understand Romans 5.8, that's what changes things. And not to understand it, but just believe it. Oh, that's what changes things, and not to understand it, but just believe it. Oh, while we were yet sinners, christ died for us.
Speaker 2:Because it seems like we need to convince him by our behavior to love us or something before that. Yeah, no, definitely man, I didn't really mention this, but definitely like bro, when, when in my mind it clicked that God doesn't view me based on what I do Right and based on like me messing up, he's not like, oh bro, come on Cause. Like literally before man, oh, I remember one of my youth leaders, like a long time ago, and maybe I misheard him, but what I heard and what I registered in my brain was like, yeah, you shouldn't have an assurance, like you shouldn't, like believe that you're saved, because, like you, just shouldn't, you know, like that's bad. And so in my mind I would be like bro, like I'm messing up all the time, like I'm still watching porn, so like I'm not safe, like I literally am not, like what am I? Like what is going on? I need to change. But then I can't change right.
Speaker 2:And so to know that, like to have that click, that dolly zoom moment of like God still loves me so much, not because of what I like, not because of me messing up or or anything I've done, that's good, like he just just loves me Like dude. That was like this love moment where it's like he loves me, like that's so cool and um, yeah, bro, like that, that definitely was, um, that that definitely was a mindset shift too. It's not just like how I identify, but it's literally knowing that he loves me and that I can identify with how he loves me, which is not calling me these things, you know, and not seeing me as like a trashy person. Praise God.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're going to take a real quick break. Okay, I got this message the other day and I wanted to share it with you guys. It's from a friend of ours who happens to stay up late with us on the Bible studies, and she said this my week is not the same without this community. This community has changed my life. Thank you guys, so much for creating it. Man, if you're not in our Bible studies, if you just listen to the podcast, or man, come to the Bible studies, come to internet church. This is what we're all about, and, because of generous donations, we're able to continue to keep doing the Bible studies, keep doing the podcast and keep preaching this gospel that has set so many people free. And so partner with us. Go to loverealityorg slash give. We want to keep preaching this message. We want the whole world to know that they're free from and dead to sin in Christ Jesus, and you guys are the ones that help us do that. Wwwloverealityorg slash give. Let's keep this thing going. Let's get back to the episode. You know what I think about.
Speaker 1:Sometimes we talk about why Jesus healed and some people are like well, jesus healed to show that he is God, or Jesus healed to get people to believe, or Jesus healed to prove. But the Bible actually says that Jesus healed for one reason Because he has compassion. Like he goes into town, he heals everybody in the town. Why? Because he's compassion, and I just heard this today and I was thinking about this as you were talking about it. Compassion is power. When we're compassionate, when we love people like that is the power that changes them, when you show compassion to one another, when you love one another. And yeah, I'm sure there were people that Jesus healed that didn't believe in him later or went back into their old way. But Jesus is just like yeah, I'm, I'm here to heal you, cause that's the will of the father, that you are healed Cause I love you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that just makes me think of like like now there's so many moments where somebody will say something and, um, there's an immediate filter in my brain Like, does that sound like God? Like, does that sound like God? Like, does that sound like it's coming from love? And it's like, if it's not, then there's like a deeper like filter that it has to go through. But if it is, it's like dude, like, yeah, I mean, that sounds like it's from love, you know. But yeah, like God doesn't operate out of just arbitrary like prove that I'm God, prove that I'm this. Like do this because you love me. But it's like no, he just loves, like he wants the best for you.
Speaker 1:Man before receiving the gospel? Did you ever look at people who talked about love and think, man, they're talking about love too much and we got to hit this other stuff? And now you have a different, different perspective, like you just said, like you have a filter, if it doesn't sound like love, it's not from god. Do you ever think man like am I the kind of person that I used to look at? Like because we have this filter, when we hear something and it sounds legalistic, or it sounds like God's waiting for us to show up, rather than he has given us everything to walk in a manner worthy of how he's called us. Do you ever think about that? There's been like a shift.
Speaker 2:Um, I mean, I definitely have heard like, oh, this group focuses on just love, or oh, this focuses on just love. I mean I definitely have heard like, oh, this group focuses on just love, or oh, this focuses on just love. You know, before I heard the gospel but I never would like listen to a sermon. I just don't think I listened to sermons like that. Honestly, um, I I wasn't somebody to like listen to podcasts or just listen to a sermon, like on my own. Um, and when I did, it was cause it was with my family and they're listening to, like iver myers. Um, you know walter weiss, scott ritzema, bro, that's deep into. Do you know who that is?
Speaker 1:I don't know who that is. I know the first two names.
Speaker 2:I don't know that yeah, bro, scott ritzema, he talks about music, and like music with a beat is, like you know, um entrancing. And so, bro scott ritzema, little light studios like that's what it's pretty heavy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I listened to, um with my parents or stuff, but on my own I didn't really like listen to a lot of sermons, so I I wouldn't ever listen to something and go, no, that's like sounds too much. Like god's like that, that god loves us, and that's not what it's about. I never said that because I never listened to stuff like that, but I definitely heard that idea and I definitely thought that the truth was, um, like Adventist theology was what was important. You know what I mean, if that makes sense, like like you know, yeah, like what's important now, bro, the only like Jesusesus, that's it.
Speaker 1:Like jesus he is the way, the truth and the life. Nobody comes to the father but through him. So you're hearing these podcasts. Uh, nick puts you on to to wave one, and at this point you're kind of a spiritual guy. I mean, you go to souls west, you're going after it, but what did this stuff? Kind of a spiritual guy, I mean you go to souls West, you're going after it. But what did this stuff kind of open up for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean, at this point I'm like habitually reading my Bible, maybe not like perfectly, but like um, trying my best, you know, to read my Bible, um, stuff like that. But after this moment I was like dude, like like it's so, like peaceful, knowing that if I and I would see like some stuff from Justin Kuhn, he would say like dude, if you miss reading your Bible one day, like don't stress, like just get back into it. You know like God is still there. And I was like yo, what that's so cool, like it's just like a different mindset to have. But I'm in the summer, right, and I'm actually like I like taking notes when I hear like worships or um, or like sermons, so I took notes all through. That guy's like three-part series, right, so I have all these notes and during the summer I'm presenting this to the students, right, and it's so cool, bro, like like students. After they're like yo, this is crazy, like um, I never heard that before. So we're me, nick and I were kind of like heard that before. So we're me, nick and I were kind of like like trying to grow, this kind of like we're trying to grow, and like kind of like mentor them in this, even while we're like barely starting, you know, um, but yeah, it was super cool. Like one student at the end of the summer came out to me. He's like, bro, that series you did that three-part like little series you did like weeks ago. Um, bro, that was like so, like like life-changing. Wow, bro, that's so awesome to hear you, bro. That was like so, like like life changing. Wow, bro, that's so awesome to hear you know like that was so cool to have that impact and to not run a youth rush program, because it's like canvassing, it's like selling books. It was so cool to not run that with like a workspace kind of thing, because you can be very workspace in that work, because it's like, if you're not getting 20 books, you know you're not doing great, um, but it's like, bro, like just go out there and share like God's love to people and, uh, you know, if they want a book, they want a book, just go out. And it was so cool.
Speaker 2:Obviously, we train them on how to actually canvas and stuff, but like it's just different, like the vibe is different and it's so cool to have that. But yeah, and then after that summer I go back to Souls West for my second year and, bro, the vibe is so different, like it's killed, the whole vibe is killed. I was like what is happening? So the first Souls West works, there's like three weeks of classes then on campus in Arizona. Then there's three weeks where you go canvas in some different area, right? So the first, the first like canvassing.
Speaker 2:Like the first three weeks section of canvassing is called a blitz.
Speaker 2:So the first blitz we did, nick comes and joins us to help out and so we're both just like like kind of um, what is it like rolling off of each other, just like sharing to people.
Speaker 2:Nick does a worship where he's like your old man is dead, um, and then soul staff is hearing it and when we get back from the blitz, the souls director, he does this worship about like your old man is dead, but he could come back at any moment and um, just shutting it down, right, and I was like yo, what is going on?
Speaker 2:Like last year, like what is happening, and the that staff who told me that like this is the message that is important, like the one who gave us the books, is like, yeah, well, we need to also like, know that we need to like, it is part of our part. And I was like like, yeah, like what do know that we need to like it is part of our part. And I was like like, yeah, like what do you like what is happening? Like why, why is it killed all of a sudden? So that was really frustrating for me because, like man, I was so ready, I was so on fire and I was still like keeping up with some like love, reality stuff, like some death to life, some. Just, I was watching through all the wave ones. Um, I watched through wave one, like the three different versions of wave one.
Speaker 1:I watched it like all of them you know, you can probably preach it now.
Speaker 2:Ooh, Um, I did preach the uh what is sin one, so that was cool. That's a deep deep one.
Speaker 1:That's like diving into the deep end right there. That's not like yeah no cool story and then a little bit about roman six.
Speaker 2:That's like going in bro, I like that one, I feel like I feel like I can use that one to transition really well to like getting someone to like have it click. So, yeah, I didn't share more about that later but, um, yeah, like. So it was just really frustrating to have like that vibe just killed, you know. And so my class is five people and so I'm like trying to share with them, because they were here last year where we heard this stuff and they're like yeah, yeah, we know he preached this, but you know I've heard some stuff about this group that you're talking about love, reality, and I was like, alright, whatever, so did you heard anything about love reality up until that point Like a negative, or was it just had I?
Speaker 1:yeah, you heard anything negative, or?
Speaker 2:no, like all I heard was from Nick and I was like, oh, I mean, it literally makes sense with what I heard preached at souls.
Speaker 1:So I heard at souls before love, reality and that, like they were um, in agreement.
Speaker 2:So I was like, yeah, I mean, let's go, um, but then they're like. Now they're like, oh yeah, I heard some stuff about this group. I was like, bro, like stop focusing on the group. And just like we literally heard this last year, it's like pretty much the same thing, like what is different? Um, and uh, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that was really frustrating and I was trying to share with the new students, like the track one coming in, but then the director was like shutting them down and he would make man, they would, they would all make little comments of like you know, there's a group out there that says that they're free from sin and they can just do what they want. I'm like, bro, like no one is like what, and so it was really frustrating because, like, I'm trying to share with the track ones but once I start sharing, there's this wall that comes up because they're like oh, I heard from the director that this is not biblical, right, and it's so frustrating, man, because it's so hard to break through, and like I, I kind of broke through like two people and that was cool. Um, actually I need to get in contact with them again. But yeah, man, like it was just really frustrating. Um, yeah, that was just like so tough.
Speaker 1:I was blessed the other day I don't know how long ago it was and someone was talking about love reality and they said that this isn't biblical. And one of our opponents actually said actually love reality does focus very like they're very biblical. I don't agree with it and I was like like let's go, at least you recognize that when we say free from sin, we're actually quoting Romans 6, 7, and we're not making that up. Now what does it mean? You might not think it means what we think it means. We think it means that you're free from and dead to sin in Christ Jesus, that you should consider yourself dead to sin and alive to God. But yeah, that old. This is not biblical thing. That'll make you go crazy when you're like. It says it right here, bro here, bro, yeah, um, yeah, bro.
Speaker 2:And so souls west does this thing called practicum where you go out and bible work if you're a second year student. And so I went to colorado. I was bible working in colorado for 10 weeks and during this time, dude, I grinded death to life podcasts like I let's go maybe like up to 80, you know, in like eight weeks. So I was just like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like grinding them. Every time I was driving I would be listening to them and it was so cool, like all my mind was on, was on like the gospel, and thinking about this stuff and breaking it down, you know, and just like processing through, like what it means for me. You know, I would wake up. I had to make Bible studies for people. So I would like make Bible studies and then read some like read it, man. I forget who said it, but I think it was in like a Instagram post of Justin's or something from you guys. But it was just like read these chapters in the Bible and these are just like full of life. It was like ephesians 2, ephesians 3, like romans 8, just like a list of, just like banger chapters, right, and so I would just read through them. And I was like, yo, this is so cool, like I never read this before. But I literally did like I literally read through the new testament.
Speaker 2:Um, like my first year of souls before I heard that and I never caught this stuff. I was like yo, like what is this talking about? Um, so that was like such a cool moment, like that. That whole time was just so cool and I was giving bible studies to people and, um, I was sharing this and, dude, it was so cool.
Speaker 2:I did, um the prodigal son, with this guy who kind of believed in god. Um wasn't christian at, but just kind of was like, yeah, sure, I want to study the Bible Like and he was like, bro, you're telling me I'm his son. I was like, yeah, bro, you're his son. And he was like, bro, I've never seen God like a father. That's so cool, like super cool moments, you know. And so that was like like such a good time. I love that and I was trying to. I was recording a podcast at that time too, which I haven't done since then. But, um, I would record, like my track mates from souls on that podcast and try to share with them. So that's kind of how I tried to like share with them.
Speaker 1:I think we heard one of those back in the day and we were all pumped. We're like y'all check this out. These guys are out here, Maybe we'd. I think I remember that. But, man, that's so encouraging that the pod, this podcast, was a blessing to you. Man, Thank you for telling me that.
Speaker 2:No dude. Yeah, A hundred percent. Um, yeah, it was great. I loved it Like I would be, cause I'm driving a lot to go to Bible studies. You know, like I'm driving like 30 minutes to like a Bible city here, 30 minutes there, and, um, I'm just playing death to life like the whole time.
Speaker 2:So I'm just driving around, um, but yeah, after practicum I go back to souls, like on campus, and you know it's the same thing Like, they're just kind of like killing the vibe. But I'm trying to, I'm trying to do what I can Like and, um, I I told the director cause the director was very like very um vocal about, like like dude, be careful, like this group, um, and uh, I told the director, like bro, can you like at least watch wave one like, instead of just commenting like and just from what you've heard, can you watch wave one and then tell me what you think? And he watched like the first one. I think he watched like the first, like 15 minutes, um, but then he was like, yeah, I didn't get to finish it. I was like all right, whatever. Um, but yeah, man, that was like a little frustrating.
Speaker 2:But at this time, uh, justin ku reached out to um nick and I, oh man, like I'm skipping a lot, bro, like around this time, nick and I started posting stuff like on instagram, um, like just like short forum content about like the gospel, and just sharing what you know, what we could, and, um, yeah, like we were just trying to be consistent, like I grew up doing a lot of videos, um, like video editing. Um, in my high school we would make vlogs and I would be like the editor. So I loved like videography, cinematography, stuff like that. I love movies, um, and so I just like love this, this field of like video editing, of recording. So we nick and I started like short form content and trying to make it like cinematic. That was super fun, just to share the gospel. I mean, we're still doing that, but not as frequently, um.
Speaker 2:But then justin ku saw it and he was like yo, bro, um, like I want to give you access to my digital missions academy course. I was like yo, that's sick. Like, so we got it for free, we're like doing it. And then he reaches out to me when I'm in hawaii. Actually, I came here with a mission trip with souls west and he's like he's like bro, like um, would you be interested in interning here? And I was like, yeah, bro, like I would love that, I would love to like be there in that community. And um, he was like I was like dude, I'm in hawaii right now. He's like, oh, can you interview? So I went there.
Speaker 2:I met jonathan, met justin um, I don't think eddie was there, maybe he was, but I interview and they're like okay, cool, um, like yeah, bro, we'd love to have you. And then just the last you know few months think Eddie was there, maybe he was but I interview and they're like okay, cool, um, like yeah, bro, we'd love to have you. And then just the last you know few months or month or two of souls, I'm just like finalizing that and making sure that works. And then, yeah, I came here after that and, bro, it's been such a blessing, it's been so cool, um, yeah, man, like the, like the, being here with like the love reality guys, you know, like, dude, it's so cool.
Speaker 2:Like the, the, the pouring out into like is so awesome, like I'm just getting poured out into every day like, um, just growing so much and I'm getting to pour out into like other interns. So that's what I was going to share is like there's this, there's this intern here that, um, we were walking her. Actually she's my girlfriend now, so I should just say that but um, what's her name?
Speaker 1:Mariela, what's up, mariela?
Speaker 2:I don't know if you're listening to this but um right, when she got here, is it?
Speaker 1:Mariela, or Mariela Did mess it up. Mariela, yeah, she's from, uh, peru.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she is what's up, mariela um, but yeah, right, when she got here, she like asked about like romans because her sister goes to, uh, tyler and morgan's church, so she's like telling her about that, you know, oh. And so she's asking because I work at kailua, so she knows that, and she's like what about this? So I was sharing like romans. And then then other day, like we're at like the interns are hanging out at a park and I'm just breaking down like the sin thing with her and I liked that cause I can transition, I think, really well to like just that Dolly zoom moment with people.
Speaker 2:And so I I tried to do that and she was just like she started crying. She was like I just feel so loved, like it makes so much sense and, um, like I can't believe my whole life. I haven't seen this Like I was raised. I admit it is. I can't believe my whole life. And that was so cool, bro, like that was so awesome. Um. So, yeah, man, I'm trying to like we're trying to share as much as we can, nick and I here to like interns, we're trying to get as much as we can from like Jonathan, from Eddie, from Justin, um, and yeah, bro, it's been a blessing. Like I really appreciate pastor Jonathan so much. He he did like a every Wednesday we would meet up and just like two hours of his time for us to ask questions and for him to just talk, and that was so cool.
Speaker 1:That is cool. I't seen jonathan in person in maybe three years. No, I'm just, yeah, man. Last time I saw him, we were in oregon doing ministry together. Uh, I talked to him every week but I haven't seen him. So, man, what is? What is the plan now? Like you, you have this thing. You're growing in mature immaturity. You're you're going after it. What do you want to do? What's the next step in your life?
Speaker 2:You think yeah, I mean, um, I'm kind of right now is the intern program is ending in Hawaii and um, I'm kind of like this kind of in the point of making a decision right now.
Speaker 2:The plan is to go back home and I'm doing web development classes online, and so I'll do that, and then I want to do some type of media ministry, um, like what I'm doing like on Instagram and just like nail that in as I'm doing web development Um. But there's also I'm talking to Eddie about potentially staying here for like longer term, and so that could be super cool. Um, but yeah, I mean right now, just, dude, like you just wake up and you know that you're loved and you have like no stress and no fear, um, cause you're provided for. That's something that, like, I'm definitely having to practice right now because, um, like I'm two years or I'm three years out of high school, no degree, right, but I'm chilling, like I honestly feel like like god's guiding and I'm good, like there's no stress and no fear about where I'm gonna be, um, and you know, I'll share.
Speaker 2:You have an entrepreneurial spirit about you um, like not to like start a business and stuff, I feel like that's not really me, but definitely to like hustle I uh like.
Speaker 2:But like with videography like if that's your thing yeah, definitely I would love to get into like the wedding business. That'd be sick. Yeah, yeah, um, but I'll show this is like there's definitely like moments that are tough right, like um, recently, like a few months ago, my dad had a heart attack but he's good now, but um, that was tough, you know that was tough. But like I just have like the support group here and um, like just I don't know, man like's tough but like God is like good. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Like I, yeah, man, I was going to go somewhere with that, but I forget now. Um, but, yeah, man, like things come up and um, like God, god's good, like my dad is like almost perfectly recovered, you know. And like there was no fear of like, if God is gonna be, you know, if God is gonna, what is it guide my life, like there was no fear of that. And so, yeah, right now I'm just, I'm literally living in like this peace that passes understanding, right, because it doesn't make sense, but like you have it.
Speaker 1:Man, if you could go back to Souls West or just any time three years ago and get to go to the, to the what is the men the most meeting? Is that what it's called? Yeah, and you got to just pour life into those guys, what would you say to them?
Speaker 2:dude, I would say, um, guys, like this isn't like this isn't the the end right now, like what you're experiencing is like not the life that God has for you. You know, god has a life of victory and that's not just like overcome, but he actually has a life already of victory for you and you can live in that, like right now. And, bro, I've kind of started that with some of my friends, like started a group chat with them. I was reading Proverbs and it talks about like iron, sharpens iron. I was like, bro, like let me, let me do this with my friends. Like I feel like I need to connect with some of my high school friends again.
Speaker 2:So I like made a group chat with some guys that I know that, like you know, care about some level of spiritual stuff, and I was like guys like like let's, let's just like talk about the Bible here, ask questions, like just encourage each other. And it's cool, because every time that somebody does mention something like that, like there's a intentional effort, at least on my part, and I see it in them too is that like like this isn't the end, like this isn't where we're staying, not because of our effort, but because God has done something in us. When we stumble, we're not in a different category, but it's like hey bro, confess, repent, get back up. You're still loved, you're amazing, you're great, you're free from sin and just keep walking in that light.
Speaker 1:I've kind of been thinking about it like this, one of my favorite preachers. He preaches about healing and he doesn't really give a formula. He just takes every single obstacle out of the way by showing in Scripture that it's God's will for us to lay hands on the sick and that they all be healed. So his way of empowering is taking out every single obstacle, by showing in scripture that there is actually no obstacle and I've been thinking about that in regards to teaching people how to come out of pornography addiction is that I want to show that every single obstacle has actually been removed and we actually have Christ in us and his grace to be able to change the way we think about it and regulate our emotion through him and not just let our feelings go rampant. And so let our feelings go rampant and let. And so yeah, man, god has removed every single obstacle in our way of being able to walk, not in like he's given us righteousness, holiness, all of these things it's ours now and there's no obstacle between us and walking in that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bro, that's I don't know how you guys you, Eddie, justin, jonathan, I don't know how you guys word it so well, but like that's that's so great is that the obstacles are removed. That's that's an awesome way to to phrase that. You know, cause that's that's what it is Like. It's not a formula to like stop, but it's like dude, like everything that's like in your way is gone, like you have everything you need to succeed. Yeah, let's go for it.
Speaker 1:Well, hey, man, I want to say this you and Nick, and it's man, it's been a pleasure to hear your story and to hear your heart. You guys have been a huge blessing to us. Just seeing your guys' stuff on Instagram, I'm just blown away at how creative you guys are and the hearts that you guys have. And I think, when your lives are just being changed by what you've heard, man, that makes me want to keep just going, keep preaching, and this, I think the same thing with you. When you saw someone get that Dolly zoom moment, you're just like, oh, this is what I want to do, like I don't know how I'm going to do it. Maybe it's going to be through videography, maybe it's going to be through, I don't care. But the point, the point and purpose of my life is to share this news with people that they have it all now in Jesus Christ. So, man, yeah, you're a blessing to us, you're a testimony to us, and so thank you so much for receiving this thing and loving people.
Speaker 2:Bro. Thank you, yeah, that means a lot.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, man. Blessings to you as you go on in your journey and we're rooting for you, and so thanks for coming on today yeah, bro, thank you, it was awesome.