Death to Life podcast
A podcast that tells the stories of people that used to be one way, and now are completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Jesus.
Death to Life podcast
#218 George Decena: The Garage Confession, How God's Voice Saved My Life
George shares his powerful journey from addiction to grace, demonstrating how the gospel's true message breaks cycles of sin and religious performance when properly understood.
• George was a 24-year-old alcoholic and porn addict when he first encountered God in 2007
• Initial freedom through salvation gave way to legalistic Christianity that created deeper bondage
• Five years of religious performance led to suicidal thoughts despite being heavily involved in church
• The turning point came when God spoke to him during a suicide attempt in his garage
• Understanding his value and identity in Christ broke the cycle of guilt and condemnation
• Reading Matthew 6 with fresh eyes revealed how God saw his worth beyond his performance
• Freedom came not through fighting temptation harder but through embracing his true identity
• Religious legalism creates a mindset that makes freedom impossible by focusing on sin management
• True transformation occurs when believers see themselves as already free rather than constantly fighting sin
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The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can and that's why we want you to hear these stories, stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is Death to Life.
Speaker 2:Now I'm about to do it, and as soon as I take a step towards the barstool, that same sweet voice that ministered to me in 2007,. That said hey, george, you haven't given God a chance that same voice I knew it was like I never left you, nor forsaken you, that's all I heard and I knew it was a scripture and I hadn't read my Bible in months, I haven't been listening to worship music.
Speaker 2:I was literally going to sleep for half a day getting drunk, watching porn, maybe trying to watch something funny, and then going to sleep, doing it over and over for over two months. Okay so, and I now I'm even on, I'm clinically depressed, so I'm trying to take antidepressants and that's not even working at this point. So at this point I'm suicidal and I'm in darkness in the sense of my own head. And so here I am and I hear, for the first time in a while I never left you or forsook you and I have this sense of awareness like God's here.
Speaker 1:Welcome everybody to the Death to Life podcast. My name is Richard Young and today's episode is with my new friend, George, and this episode is crazy. George does not pull any punches, he tells his whole story. And so you know this one is rated a little over PG-13, I would say so mindful where you listen to it. But it is so powerful to hear George's story, to hear his heart I'm so glad I met him and to see where God has taken him from and how he saved his life. And this is what this podcast is known for stories like these. And George is a beautiful person. I think you're going to be blessed and just edified by his story. So, without further ado, let's just get into it. Here is George Buckle up, Strap in Love y'all, Appreciate y'all.
Speaker 2:Man. So I got saved in 2007. Yeah, I was visiting, when I was younger, my mom, you know, she was a single mom and she had me visit tons of churches and actually my dad was Seventh-day Adventist, so I'd visit the Seventh-day Adventist church, I visited Pentecostal Baptist, all these denominations, and they were all. It was all. They're all beautiful people, but I wasn't ready to give my life to Jesus, you know, and so, and I had a lot of bitterness on forgiveness, and I had a lot of bitterness on forgiveness and, uh, you know, now I'm 24 and it's 2007 and I'm a full blown alcoholic. Uh, can I say the P?
Speaker 1:word here, porn? Yeah, yeah, I I've. I'm on the record, uh, in my episode of saying that I was a porn addict. Uh, so many of these episodes are people saying that, or what P word are you talking about?
Speaker 2:No, no, it's. It's because some, some places will censor you oh, no, man, this.
Speaker 1:I usually give a caveat at the beginning of these episodes that there's adult themes and so be careful. Nice, uh, and so we've had some wild stories on here, so you can, you could say that you were, you were, uh, doing things you shouldn't have been doing I'm so glad because if glad, because since then I didn't want to block.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I was a full-blown at this point, I'm a full-blown porn addict. I'm sleeping with women, and even that wasn't enough. I was even starting to purchase and I was living in Louisiana at the time. So I was unfortunately, I was paying for sex prostitutes. So not only did I have girlfriends and prostitutes, but I had like a box of dvds, because at the time, that's what you know, that's how you got pornography in 2007 I know you're jumping to this part in 2007, did this like you're 24?
Speaker 1:how did you? Don't have to tell me everything, but how did you just? Did you just keep going and making bad decisions? Or like when you were a kid, were you a pretty good kid and then just things started going wrong? Or, dude, I would.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know everybody, when they're born they're good. You know the kids are kids, they're innocent. But as I got older, I got exposed to sexuality really young, probably at younger than I, before I was even going to school, I was already getting. I got in daycare, I got sent home because I was already watching inappropriate movies with my dad, uh, which he didn't know any better. He wasn't saved either, uh, but I would watch like rated r stuff and just get exposed to stuff really quickly. Uh, I was also watching. You know my parents weren't walking with jesus, so you know, I just was exposed to a lot of things Got into some bad stuff then, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So by the time I'm, you know, in daycare, I'm getting sent, you know, a teacher's coming to my apartment or my mom's apartment, to basically tell her that I was kissing on. You know, during nap time I put my cot next to another girl and was kissing on her, you know, I mean, this is daycare.
Speaker 1:There's rules, George. You can't do that in daycare.
Speaker 2:It was horrible and you know, you know, back then they thought they're like, well, at least you know this sounds so bad. But they were like at least he's not gay and you know that's, that's. That's that's what it was like, at least we know he's. He likes girls and I'm like a little kid. And then, you know, third grade, I'm already crushing on girls like, and already kind of visualizing things, and I haven't gotten exposed to porn yet. But by I want to say, first time, probably fifth grade, fourth or fifth grade, somewhere between that and I was already uh active, and with girls in sixth grade, mercy yeah, so, dude.
Speaker 2:so by the time I'm 24, man, I got a the wrong way resume and I'm not boasting in the flesh, this is just raw and real. That, uh, I was in complete darkness by 2024. I I couldn't stop watching it, I couldn't stop having it, I couldn't. I even got addicted to I was very addictive as far as my personality. I was even got caught up in gambling. I started going to even that was getting boring the girl stuff.
Speaker 2:So I had to go to drag shows, you know which? That was another realm, you know, because they would buy me drinks and at the time I was alcoholic. So they'd say, hey, if you come watch the show with us, you'll have free drinks all night. So that's just the way of just bringing you in and you go in and you sit there and see your entertaining stuff that you wouldn't even have even considered, and now you're so drunk that you don't even care, having fun with your friends and and so, uh, you know, thank God the Lord snatched me out before I crossed. Actually, I was already in. Darkness is darkness. There's no such thing as sometimes we put darkness like lighter darkness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I wasn't that dark, you know, I wasn't that separated from God, you know, but but I was not born again, so I didn't have the Holy spirit. I had no real. I had, like certain laws in my heart in the sense of things I shouldn't do, but even those things I broke. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:What was the goal in your life?
Speaker 2:To have as much fun as possible before I find my future wife and settle down. And then, once I settle down, I'm no longer supposedly going to ever do this, that stuff again. I'll maybe change careers, get a better job and settle down, buy a house and you know the white, you know American dream.
Speaker 1:Can we talk about how that idea doesn't make sense at all, like, do you remember and this might have been, I forget what year it was, it might have been 2010 or something like that Maybe a little earlier, that Thanksgiving, that Tiger Woods, his wife, found out about all of his cheating and she took the golf club articles of Tiger Woods before that, and you knew, like all these women, that he'd been with like hundreds of women at least, and you think he's just supposed to flip this switch? Like this is why the world doesn't make any sense, right, the world is like do this, so all your wild oats. And like, you got to get you know, so them all, because then you're going to be with one woman for the rest of your life. So be with 400 women. So then you'll get that out of your system to be with one.
Speaker 1:But that doesn't make sense If you're used to being with all these women and then you're like, yeah, just one woman. That's why the world doesn't. It doesn't add up, it doesn't. So your mentality, man. I don't know if that was working out for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, well, you're going to love this, richard. I was in worldly legalism so I set up my own rules and tried to abide by my own rules. So my rules were I don't want to go too graphic, but anyway they were very low, my boundaries were very low, but I had boundaries right, and so I had laws. And it says because your conscience, you're still born with a conscience. It says that the law is written in our heart. Laws and it says because your conscience, you're still born with a conscience. It says that the law is written in our heart.
Speaker 2:And I knew right from wrong. Right, I just made excuses on why I could do that and I couldn't do this. You know and so by the time I'm 24, the things that I hate. That's why I believe wholeheartedly that Romans 7, where he says I hate the things that I do and the things and sin in me, is keeping me from doing the things that I wish. I truly believe wholeheartedly that that is a man before. That's a man trying to get close to God without the Holy Spirit before born again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's sold under sin in the flesh right.
Speaker 2:That's right again, yeah, you sold under sin in the flesh, right, that's right. So we I, I, you know I didn't understand that, but literally, even when I wanted to stop like, and I wanted to settle down, I got myself a really nice girlfriend that didn't have the record the other girls that I that had I picked somebody really nice that was real innocent and had a good parents and would want to get married one day. And uh, I was making good money now at a good company and I was heading the right way. I had several thousand dollars saved up. As a 24-year-old I was like dude, I'm going the right way, I can get into management eventually and those laws, even that wasn't enough, and when I tried to do the right thing, I would just break constantly. So now, without me realizing it, I get saved in 2007.
Speaker 2:And the way that it happened was God spoke to my heart while I was sitting there. I wasn't even in church, I was sitting on a sofa. I was working at Rooms to Go, I was a sales rep and I was sitting in this sofa and I didn't even want to sell furniture anymore and I'm 100% commissioned. So I don't even want to sell furniture anymore and I'm 100% commissioned. So I don't even want to sell furniture anymore. I just something's wrong with me and I don't know what's wrong. Everything I've tried has run me dry and I am as dry as a bone and I don't have words for it. I'm not thinking God, I'm just thinking I don't even feel like living anymore. You know, it was weird so, and that was probably the darkest season of my life before I got saved.
Speaker 2:So then I had this thought this lady invited me to church and usually I would tell people yeah sure, I'll be there, give me the address and then I'll throw it away and go party. That's where I was. And she asked me and in my heart I heard myself talking. But I believe it was God now and it was George. You've tried everything else, but you've never given God a chance. So I'm like oh good idea, george. You know what? That's true. I mean, I've tried the alcohol, I've tried to recover, I've gone to therapy, I've gotten on medicine to try to get me a little bit more happier and back in a healthy place.
Speaker 2:So I drive 45 minutes to the church, this church in Destrehan, louisiana. I sit in the back and during worship I already heard the gospel several times over when I was younger, because my mom's rededicated her life as a single mom and she was just bringing me to church as a young kid. But I didn't want nothing to do with it, I was just looking for the cute girls and free food. And then I'm out, you know. But now I'm 24 and I'm in, I'm depressed, I'm addicted in several things and I can't get free. And you're going to love this, richard, not the fact that I was addicted, but, but you're going to love this story because it's going to so resonate with you and it's probably so many people.
Speaker 2:I, uh, I sat there and I realized I was done for and there was nothing I could do. I'd either have to live with being an addict and just being basically a whoremonger and, you know, hooking up, and I'm probably never going to be able to get married because I'm going to cheat on my wife, and I knew it. So I was like so this is what I'll do. I'm going to give God a chance. So during worship, before the word even started, I said all right, lord, if you're real and you can take this off of me.
Speaker 2:I was thinking like the depression addiction. I wasn't asking to get born again. I was just asking if you could just change me Like if you're real, all this stuff is about you is real, all the people that are worshiping you. If you're real, all this stuff is about you is real, all the people that are worshiping you. If you're real, I'll give you my life and I'll serve you.
Speaker 2:And as soon as I got done saying serve you, it was like a hundred pounds came off of me and, without me realizing, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 2:I was born again, like my eyes were open, like literally like scales, like my eyes were open and I realized that he had been with me the old time and this Jesus, this Jesus man, god you know, had really died for my sins, but it wasn't just for heaven and hell, but he actually loved me.
Speaker 2:He had been waiting for me and I didn't understand a lot, but I understood enough to know that he was the Lord you know and, and that he was real. And I realized I was like. I was so and I realized all those years I've been rebelling against a God that loved me and wanted me. So I'm crying, the whole service, nobody's around me, and I leave and I immediately have this incredible desire to start eating the word of God, and I start eating of the word of God, and the first mistake that I made is when I finally got to the New Testament, because I read from Genesis and I read it and I took family leave of absence at my job because I told him I was going through a mental crisis and I was actually but a good one, you know. I did not explain it.
Speaker 2:So I took family absence for like two months. I had a bunch of few thousand dollars saved up so I could pay my bills. For like two months I had a bunch of few thousand dollars saved up so I could pay my bills and I literally just I would go out to eat, buy food, come back to my apartment and literally just start reading my Bible. That's it Like for, for.
Speaker 1:So you're just like reading Genesis to Exodus and like did you understand what you're reading? Are you like gathering?
Speaker 2:No, I'll be honest with you, not everything, but what I did understand is that I kept seeing. Everywhere in the New Testament I kept seeing Jesus, even though he wasn't actually clearly showing up.
Speaker 1:Like in the.
Speaker 2:Old Testament, like in Exodus and the Passover lamb, right away I could discern that that was talking about Jesus. Like the fire and the pillar Jesus. There was certain things, that there was a lot of types and shadows that now I know that are. They are types and shadows, but back then I didn't have that language. So every time I would bump into something I'd be like, oh, that's, that's Jesus, that's the Lord, it's talking about the Lord. And I'd be excited and I'd be crying and praying.
Speaker 2:And by the time I got to the New Testament I was just emotional. By the time I got to the New Testament, I was just emotional and I was like that's him, you know, I mean, it took, that took about. It's such a long time ago let's just say a month, right, because I wasn't rushing through it and I had enough time and money to do it and I was solitude man. I had nobody, because I was living out there by myself. I went out there originally just for the money and the partying, you know. And Because I was living out there by myself, I went out there originally just for the money and the partying, you know. And now I'm saved and I'm like I don't know what to do now, but I want to get to know this Jesus person.
Speaker 2:Jesus and I get to the New Testament, matthew, and I start seeing, and as soon as he told Peter to follow him or I don't know if it was in Matthew, but as soon as he started calling the disciples to follow him, I said that's it, that's what I want, to be one of those. And I didn't know it was so innocent and pure and you know, and it was like a little kid, like I want to follow Jesus, you know. But I'm 24, about to be 25. And you know, and so I'm like excited about this. I was like Lord, I was cleaning toilets for you. I was making at the time you know I'm not bragging, but I was making close to $80,000 a year selling furniture. It was after Hurricane Katrina and a lot of people needed furniture. Yeah, and so.
Speaker 2:So, if you worked out, we were in the number one store in the company, so I was killing it. I was one of the top sales reps. I was like, you know, I sold over a million dollars worth of furniture in a year and so, you know, I had a lot of money. And now I'm like saved and I'm like I could care less. I said I was like Lord, I'll quit, I'll go home, I'll do anything. What do you want me to do? And I didn't know what I was doing, man. So I went to Barnes and Nobles and started looking for Christian CDs, because all my stuff was like Kanye West and 50 Cent, you know. And so I'm like, okay, I can't listen to this anymore. I mean, nobody had to tell me, it was just a conviction of mine that, hey, this isn't me, this is not like, this is not who I want to be anymore. Like because I related to some of their songs about clubbing and it's your birthday and you know, and Kanye West and some of the things.
Speaker 1:And you got shot 12 times and maybe not that part?
Speaker 2:No, not that part I was more lascivious on the party side than the fighting side but, it's still.
Speaker 2:It was equally unhealthy and I thought to myself I'm not, I don't want to be that person anymore and I don't know how to change. But I know that something's changed on the inside of me and I'm starting to get to the new Testament, matthew, and I want to be a disciple. And I kept reading it and I'm getting more excited the longer it goes, because I'm like, oh my gosh. And then I got to the epistles and didn't understand very much. I'm not going to lie to you, it was very confusing.
Speaker 1:Man, I didn't understand them for the longest time, so I'm right there with you.
Speaker 2:Dude, and so I just read through it. I understood the love and you know, like the fruit of the Spirit and you know certain things you know. But like Romans 6 was like if somebody doesn't walk you through it, like what was on Paul's heart when he wrote Romans 6, you're going to miss it. You know, you'll think that you have to. You'll think it's a poem about you just dying to your sins every day. You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:Instead of actually being a lifestyle from a starting from where Jesus finished. Yeah, let's go Like grace. You know, and nobody ever explained it to me. So I read it through and by the time I get to Revelations, which is super confusion, and I don't recommend anybody reading Revelations first. No, yeah, yeah, because that'll mess you up. That'll put you in a. You might end up in a cult or something. You know Mercy, yeah, yeah, you want to wait until the end and make sure you get started with the good stuff. And then you're like, hey, what is this whole white horse, black horse thing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, you know, all I know is I'm free, I'm going to see Jesus, anyway. So now I'm on fire and this is my mistake. I clearly see it now because now I'm a few months in, I'm not attending any church. I visited a few churches and I shared my testimony with a few people that went to certain churches and they're like we need to water baptize you, without even explaining what water baptizing is. I saw that John the Baptist did it already read through that part, you know. So baptizing Jesus and the disciples. I was like, yeah, I need to get water baptized. So they gave me a microphone, they said, share my testimony and dunk me in the water. You know, let's go, yeah, yeah, which? Was amazing and it's super pure.
Speaker 2:But I really feel like it says there's a scripture a long time ago says worship with understanding. You know like. You know like, if you're going to do something with Jesus or for you know with him or unto him, make sure you do it with understanding, because, even though he loves it and it's innocent and it's beautiful like like your kids, when they do something, they go wash the dishes but they break them all. Right, you're like man, they tried that's so sweet, but you want them to understand that. Hey, you know like, don't keep the dishes in the dishwasher because if not you'll drop them and won't have dishes anymore. Right? So you want to, you know?
Speaker 2:So, worship, I had like this thought I was like man. I didn't understand anything, I just knew that I wanted to follow Jesus and I was very insecure. I brought all my insecurities in, but the only thing was is I was free from addiction. Okay, let's go. So that day I literally had no desire to watch any more porn, and I'm so used to stopping at porn because I've shared my testimony, you share it at church and you're like you don't want to freak.
Speaker 1:And even your taste for alcohol, like even your taste for alcohol, that just disappears, the smell would make me make me feel like vomiting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I would. I mean, I don't go anymore, but like during my lunch breaks in that season I would go to Hooters to drink on my lunch breaks and now my coworkers were inviting me and just the smell convicted me. You know, I was like oh, I can't, you know. And a few times I tried it and it just didn't feel right. So I lost the taste for it. But I was addicted man. I was drinking morning.
Speaker 1:So before you had this experience, you would drink and like you were drinking every single day.
Speaker 2:I imagine, if you're an alcoholic- I was a functioning alcoholic, so what they call that. There's like a title for it, which means is you can hold a job. But you get to a point where you feel like drinking in the morning and sometimes you act on it. You drink at lunch when you can and you're at nighttime. You even get to a point where you're drinking by yourself to get drunk. You're not even drinking for social, you're just you just is that what you were doing?
Speaker 1:were you drinking to?
Speaker 2:I was drinking in my bed alone. If I knew I was just gonna hang out, I'd just get hammered and watch out long order, you know, till I passed out and you're just like yeah like ow yeah I don't even know what happened at the end.
Speaker 1:And then you lost the tape. That's, that's, you know, that's beautiful. That doesn't happen for everybody, right? That doesn't happen where the taste just disappears, and but praise the Lord that that was a grace.
Speaker 2:That was like the Lord has these miracle moments for us, so for people. It shows up in our life in different ways. You'd be surprised some of the things that he's rescued us from that we should have been into and it never happened. Like, for example, I never got caught up in weed and I was an addictive personality and I never. I tried it once and hated it. You know, that's not everybody's story, so there's just certain things, even when we're not saved, or even after we're saved, that the Lord I can't I don't know have words to it, but it's like I would call it a miracle, right, a miracle, and it's something.
Speaker 2:And I asked Seta, I said if you're real, take this off of me. And I was talking about my addictions. You know I wasn't even asking to get born again. He me, and I was talking about my addictions. You know I wasn't even asking to get born again. He says I got something better for you. I'll fill you with my spirit. You know I didn't know that's what he's doing, but he filled me with his spirit and with it came freedom. It says wherever the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Speaker 2:Now I got in bondage again after becoming a Christian. And let me tell you why. Because the Galatians, they were set free. They heard enough of the gospel to where they're free. And they came and somebody snuck into the galatian church I mean, you've probably read it and said, hey, you guys should get circumcised. Right, just a little bit of leaven of the old. And they brought it in and it was basically putting them into bondage, bondage again, right, yeah, and paul was addressing it, almost the whole letter he's addressing this, this act of being in the spirit who bewitched you, you foolish fool, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so here I'm all pure and innocent on the inside. I'm figuring. I'm not figuring it out yet, but I know God loves me and I know I'm born again at this point because I got to that point of the Bible. And uh, you know, I'm listening to this stuff on YouTube. Youtube is out. I'm watching some podcasts and stuff, and so. So now I'm kind of learning and I made a mistake. In my insecurity, I started looking for a church immediately, instead of staying in my word and maybe doing some research on my own. I wanted a man to teach me. I was like somebody needs to teach me and disciple me, and so I look for.
Speaker 1:Why is that a mistake?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, if you're looking for something out of insecurity, you'll find exactly what you're looking for, but it's not what you needed. But it's not what you needed. You know, like, like, like. For example, if you're looking for a relationship while you're dealing with insecurity, even though you'll find a relationship, you could, everybody, anybody could find somebody. You can go on a dating site, but the the very thing that you thought was going to solve it, actually feeds something that should have died Right, right. So so I went in, and it's okay to be. You know, I was a baby, so I didn't.
Speaker 2:But the problem was is I was praying for a spiritual father. I was praying for everybody around me. I felt like they knew more about Jesus, so I was listening to everything that they were telling me. I mean, there was. I had no filter, even though I had the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit was there. He was checking me sometimes, but I actually quenched him. You know it says don't quench the Holy Spirit. Uh, by by prophecies, you know, but test it and hold on to what is good. I wasn't even testing it, so I was quenching the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit saying hey, you know, there's more to that, keep reading and I'd be like I would just be excited that I'm learning something new, you know. So I'd learn about how to be a new creature.
Speaker 2:How do you walk as a new creature? Well, you got to deny yourself and you're the Roman seven man, and let me explain to you who you are. And, George, you know because of your past, you know because of a lot of us have a past and if you weren't raised in the church because you were passed, you're most likely going to have to go through things that other people don't have to go through. So you're going to have to probably marry really soon because you're going to burn and, mind you, you got to remember I was not burning. I probably went without pornography and any relationship for like a year and a half. Somebody that had been addicted for over 10 years I'm talking about night and day, you know. And now, a year and a half, somebody that had been addicted for over 10 years. I'm talking about night and day, you know. And now a year and a half and I got nothing, but without a revelation. Mind you, that was just a miracle.
Speaker 2:God was like you're free and I'm excited and, honestly, my excitement zeal will take you very far, but it won't sustain you. You know, like if you don't ground yourself in the love of God, in the sense of understanding, grace and righteousness, at some point the zeal is going to take you the wrong way. And I ended up in a really Bible-loving church, but they were teaching some things that weren't really. A lot of churches teach it actually. It's not that they're guilty of anything, it's just, unfortunately and I'm not dogging on any churches specifically but a lot of denominations and a lot of men of God were raised in traditions and traditions were passed down like this is how you serve God, this is how you become holy, this is how you get free from sin, this is how you please God. This is what makes God happy, this is what makes him not happy. Like you don't want to offend God. You know God hates. You know. I even heard in my circle that God hates the sinner as well and he won't love you until you actually get saved.
Speaker 2:And the proof text that they used to prove that was and this is like behind the pulpit was and it's not a fault, it's something that they were taught and it was. Legalism will take you like. Legalism will make you think that God is mean, even though you'll say that God is love.
Speaker 1:And so they would use that you know, isn't that like the lens that you're looking through? Colors everything you read. So because Romans 5, 8 seems pretty like this is how the love of God was manifested that while we were yet sinners, god died for us. And if you got the wrong lens, you can look right past that and come up with some rationale Like I see it all the time, they'll just discredit it and be like no, and they make it—I think all false religion starts with a lack of assurance of God loving us that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the love of God is subtly conditional. We'll say it's unconditional, but our doctrine makes it conditional. We'll say it's unconditional, but our doctrine makes it conditional. So, for example, I mean, I'm not throwing any bones, but like, if you want to make God happy, give a certain amount. You know like, because you know so, a certain amount, like tithing Right. So Malachi, reading Malachi 3 and saying that you know you either rob God or you're obedient to God, and if you rob God, he's going to curse you. If you're obedient to God, he'll bless your house and it'll overflow, type stuff.
Speaker 2:You know, I grew up with that, you know, and it was all over in my sphere of influence. I was listening to big time pastors that you know. I was listening on YouTube at this point to very like-minded pastors and they were teaching a lot of that same stuff. Also, god hates sin and God also hates the sinner. I've heard that and the way that they would proof text it was there's six things that God hates, yet seven. And they would say well, does God hate the tongue or the person that's attached to it? It was like philosophical right and also, too, a lot of. I don't know if you guys are familiar with this, but a lot of Calvinistic mindsets where it's limited atonement which Jesus only died for the elect, not for the world.
Speaker 1:And the person saying it happens to be one of the elect. But who else knows who's part of the elect? I'm lucky, I'm part of the elect, but I don't know about you. You know we responded.
Speaker 2:He gives everybody an opportunity to respond to his love, even if you don't even hear the gospel. It says that even in Romans 1, it says even creation screams. God is alive, even creation screams. The divinity and the beauty of God's nature like looking at nature. So you know, if you have breath in your lungs and you're in a country, people are like, oh well, some people aren't hearing the gospel, so God has to choose some.
Speaker 2:And not like now, like there's people in Iran right now getting dreams without an evangelist there and they're waking up to wanting that relationship with Jesus. You know, because they're saying God, if you're real, reveal who you really are. And God's like that's exactly what I needed. And he gives them a dream the next day. Next thing, you know, they wake up, born again. Nobody put hands on them. They didn't pray a sinner's prayer and right now they're pastors leading people through communion and evangelizing in a country where they'll get killed for it. So like, yeah, so I'm not. Jesus is way bigger than what we think he is. Like I mean, he met me at a sofa, depressed, you know. He didn't meet me at a church. I ended up going to a church, you know.
Speaker 1:But, um, yeah, so so here, how long were you doing this man? How long was uh? Was uh? Well, actually answer this. What did? What did that make you into? How was it manifesting in your life? Oh gosh, dude I became.
Speaker 2:I could cry, thinking I became so mean man. I was mean to myself. Mean, wow, oh yeah, religiously, like. I don't know if this is like a good word, but I was religiously mean but called it righteous anger. Okay, righteous anger, or, you know, I hate my flesh, you know. So I was always saying I hate myself, I hate my flesh, like I hate who, I hate this dual nature. You know, I hate this thing that's in me, you know, and not knowing that the doctrine is is what created that those desires again. And not knowing that the doctrine is is what created that those desires again, um, those, that dual nature doctrine where it says that we have the holy spirit and the old man fighting one another in one, one body. You know, uh, I get it. Our minds need to change about the gospel and we need a clear revelation of grace, but we think that that wrestle is actually like a constant thing.
Speaker 1:It'll never go away and yeah, how did you minister to people, though, if you're, if you're mean, like, like, what did that look like? If someone was like brother I'm, I'm struggling with alcohol, like, how would you minister?
Speaker 2:Dude. So I well I, first of all, I like almost immediately I started evangelism so I wanted to get people out of hell and into heaven, cause that's that's at least. You may never be a hundred percent free, but at least you know you're going to heaven and you need to help people get out of hell, right?
Speaker 1:So I would.
Speaker 2:So I would go out in the street with my friends and we'd preach and I started a little ministry, uh, and so I would tell people that they need to repent and that I would tell them that God loves them. But I really didn't understand what I was saying, because, really, what I was saying, because I would say that, because I knew enough that God loved me when I was you know. So that doctrine about God hating the sinner wasn't sitting right with me when I heard that, but I still believe that we need that. As a born again Christian, you still have, you're going to. You're never going to be really free, right, and at best you're going to laugh, at best you might feel free enough to dance during a worship song.
Speaker 2:Like the freedom was when the worship song came on and you got excited and you would call it the Holy spirit. You know, like being filled with the Holy spirit and you would feel like dancing or shouting or screaming or dancing. And that's what was freedom, that momentary ability to just do something that was abnormal, or going to pray, going to. You know, being in the spirit was like it wasn't just washing my dishes, knowing Jesus was inside of me, it was like going out in the street and watching people get healed, or praying for the sick, or praying, you know, sharing my testimony. Like I, I really believe that I had evil and good always just dwelling in me and because I believed it in my heart, that's exactly what I kept manifesting. Wow, I was in cycles. So I was. Um. When I say mean, I religiously mean I was. When I say mean religiously mean I mean this is how it manifested. That was your question. I took Christian language out of context and I beat people over the head with it.
Speaker 2:I don't know how else to say it. So I, you know. I said you know, put your hands to the plow, either go hard or go home. You don't want to be lukewarm. And I'd be screaming it with passion and people are like, wow, that's zeal, that's real. But really it was just legalism that was working in me and through me and I thought I was encouraging people to repent, but really I was pushing people away, discouraging and condemning people. But I myself was suddenly condemned. But because I was serving so much I didn't know it. So I was like, already, in four different ministries I was in young adults, I was one of the leaders. Really quick, I was in.
Speaker 2:I started the evangelist ministry with three other brothers. I was, I had a spiritual father, so I was an armor bearer, which is like a disciple under the associate pastor. I was doing ushering, I do anything they ask. I was in. I was at church four or five days a week and I thought I had to be if I didn't want to sin. Stay close to your brothers because you don't want to be a stray sheep and get eaten up by the big bad wolf.
Speaker 1:Some of these things are true, right, like we don't forsake the gathering, like we ought to be there encouraging, but then when it's flipped on legalism, the thing that's true it just it's not.
Speaker 2:I don't know. You're using it for the wrong reason. It says that the reason we're supposed to not forsake are the assembling ourselves, because that's in Hebrews 10, but in Hebrews 8, 9, and 10, before we get to that part, he starts encouraging you in the new covenant relationship with Abba, talking about how the old was this type and shadow, but the new takes away sin and you have no more consciousness of sin and now you have boldness into the throne of God and you have this assurance and confidence. So by the time you get to this confidence place, you're like, hey, and you know what? In this beautiful place you're going to have this love stirring inside you and this excitement, zeal with understanding. So don't forsake your assembly with one another so you can stir each other up in agape, love and good works, encouraging each other as the day approaches of Christ. So they just told but see, when you tell somebody, hey, the reason you don't want to skip church is because you're going to fall into sin. That's different than what I just said.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the way you said it, I'm like, man, it makes me want to run through a brick wall right now. I'm like, yeah, let's go.
Speaker 2:But then the way the other way you'd say it'd be no, no, dude, dude, I mean, you're like man. I might end up in the lukewarm where Jesus wants to spit me out If I miss two services in a row. Oh God, you know I'm back-flitted, back-flitted, you know. And look, today I want to just share this for anybody that thinks that I'm coming off critical. But I'm critical against the ideology of legalism. I love the people.
Speaker 2:I hate doctrines of legalism, doctrines of demons. Okay, like we're supposed to. It says and so now today I'm full-time, like I love Jesus. I love Jesus full-time at my job. I attend a church full-time, I go to service, I have midweek service. I actually lead a Bible study. So I'm not talking against the bride, I love the body of Christ but the legalism that it takes something beautiful and it corrupts it. You know, like if I tell my wife the day that we get married, now you need to wash dishes and do all these things, or I'm not going to be happy with you, it's going to change her. It's going to change her from the inside out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she's going to really be pumped to do those dishes, huh.
Speaker 2:She's going to eventually be bitter and she's not even going to want to do them anymore, and that's what happens. That's what happens. That's Roman seven right, even if she wants to do it, she doesn't really feel like it, you know. So how long was this going on, bro? How long was this?
Speaker 1:uh, five, six years up, and down and by the end of it I'm now dealing with suicidal thoughts again. So how did that creep in? Because you were at church every day. How do you have time for suicidal thoughts to come in?
Speaker 2:man would let me tell you something. I thought, yeah, I thought that if I listened to enough worship music and I go to church, at least five—I'm not being exaggerated I was at church five days a week. Four or five days a week I was there. Sometimes we'd even sleep there. We had a king and the young adults would sleep in the young adults' room and we'd have sleepovers and play games and we had jobs. But we lost several jobs because we were fellowship for the sake of Christ, you know like there are a bunch of haters over at Chick-fil-A.
Speaker 2:We were just fellowshipping Like yeah, like they don't know that we were doing kingdom work, you know, and so so here. So I'm like at church all the time and I'm struggling more than ever. But it's happening again, like it was happening to me in the world. But I have language now. I actually have a love for Jesus in my heart, you know, but I don't have peace, even though it says that we have peace.
Speaker 2:I was anxious, I was struggling with anxiety again. I was struggling with my insecurity started rising up. So then I'm thinking, you know, and then I'm struggling with lust again and I'm starting to look around. I'm like, okay, something's off. So everybody's like it's because you need to pray for your Esther. And so I started fasting and praying for my future wife at 26. At this point I'm a 26. And that's a horrible. I'm telling you, worst thing you can do just anybody out there. If you don't understand grace and love, just wait, it'll be worth it. And I'm not talking about wait for the right person to show up, wait until you have your feet on the ground. So when the storm comes and beats against your house, you're not just this broken man that needs to be healed.
Speaker 1:And then, a lot of times, we try to draw healing from our wife wife, and my wife isn't yeah that's not the job, bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you trust me and I I uh. So I was like dude, my like, and I thought I was like my wife is gonna heal this lust issue, like so I'm praying, thinking she's gonna. Like I said, I mean I'm so glad as an adult because I've never said this in, uh, any type of social setting. I see it in private setting, but I'll say that I need a. I need a godly woman in the streets, but a freak in the sheets.
Speaker 1:Bro, we just did a podcast yesterday because I have this other podcast called Free From Porn, where we talk about, well, obviously, having your new mind to walk free from the porn addiction, and the episode was about how getting married when you're addicted to porn obviously does not cure any porn addiction. But so many people think that they think that they're addicted to porn because they have a sex drive, but they're addicted to porn because they're escaping something. They're running from porn because they're escaping something. They're running from something that they're trying to feel something or not feel something. And if you get married with that and you don't know what you're doing, then now your spouse has, maybe they have some expectations for you and then you're drawn right back into that porn addiction because you're trying to regulate your emotions, because you know there's some times, from time to time marriage can be hard and so when you deal with hard things by looking at something stupid, you're just going to be feeding that thing well, I'm in my early 20s and I'm thinking this is going to solve it.
Speaker 2:So I start praying and I I meet this girl at my young adults ministry and I mess her up. Bad, because, remember, I'm still. Legalism doesn't just take away like condemnation, doesn't like the Galatians. It says the fruit of the flesh and then it names it sexual immorality, but then it talks about hatred, offense, it talks about all these things and it's not putting them on categories, but I mean it brings it down from sexual morality all the way down to sorcery, no-transcript.
Speaker 1:It's actually more uh, it's like I mean to the point to one day oh God, I can share this Okay, I mean one day it was so bad that I, I masturbated so much that my uh private area swell, swelled up I had to go to er, to the er, and then you have to tell the doctor you're like I don't know what happened, uh, yeah yeah, I said, I told, I told him like uh, that mary movie, uh something about mary, that I zipped it, I zipped it on and they're like writing it down. They're're like yeah, sure, uh-huh. Yeah, we got you, but I couldn't pee, so I had to go.
Speaker 2:You know, oh, mercy, so it was bad dude. So I go and they give me some antibiotics and I still kept doing it. It started going down.
Speaker 1:Bro. But isn't this and I'm glad you're being vulnerable isn't this what legalism does? What legalism does? It's kind of like, um, when you have an eating disorder and you're like I will never eat one thing of sugar, ever again, not one thing of sugar, and you put that on yourself and the next thing, you know, because of the the rule, you're out here eating a whole cake because, like a pack of donuts you're like you don't even like yeah, you're binging yeah.
Speaker 1:And so you're out here, you're like never again. And you make all these rules and you're living legalistically and you're like, oh, this woman. And then you're out here and and you just binge out yep, yep so it ain't the way yeah, so.
Speaker 2:So here I am and I have this girlfriend, which I'm not slipping up with her, but I I'm like seconds away. I mean, we were putting ourselves in very compromising situations and I was just like, dude, if we keep kissing and hugging like this, it's going to go way further. And there was a few times that I had the opportunity and I was like I got to go home and I would just watch porn instead because, like, at least I'm not slipping up with her. And I just remember, dude, I went through a deep depression and I felt like such a phony at church man, because I'm still involved in all these ministries.
Speaker 2:I didn't step down and everybody told me and when I would confess my sins to my brother and they would pray for me, it didn't take it away, it just made me feel like somebody cared about me. And then they told me we're struggling with the same thing and you just have to keep fighting and putting it to death and putting boundaries around yourself. So I'm putting all these boundaries and that makes it more intense. And so I'm like, dude, this is depressing. I feel like a phony. So I stopped. So I eventually backslid man and I just stopped going to church. This is about five years in. I just started disappearing, started missing one service, two services, and then I would just show up again.
Speaker 1:You're only going to church four times a week now. What a backslider. Yeah, yeah, right, I'm clouded.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but when I say yeah, and you know, when I say backsliders, I started drinking again. No, okay yeah, so I started. And when I say backslider, that's not even a Christian term.
Speaker 1:So I'm not using that.
Speaker 2:But what I mean is is I started reverting to things that I was back, that I thought I would never go back to. So now I'm drinking again in my car. I'm smoking black and mild by myself. I can't, I don't have the. My conscience and the Holy Spirit won't let me go to the club again because I don't want somebody to see me and be like hey, I thought you were walking. It was just to the conviction and the condemnation. And I don't mean not knowing the difference, I was just having a panic. I would listen to worship music and have panic attacks man.
Speaker 1:It was that bad. Isn't that interesting that living in the world obviously bad. You're condemned and you don't know it.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:You're out there at the club having a good time, but you don't know it. Okay, when you're legalistic and you're drinking alone in your car and you're you're smoking black and mild by yourself and you don't want to mess up with a girl, so you're just polluting your mind Like I don't know which one's better. I, if I had to choose, I would pick the ignorant. Now, they're both bad, you're, they're both. You know you're both in a bad situation. But one is like taking the Lord's name in vain, like like you're like I. One is like taking the Lord's name in vain, like like you're like I. Love God but he has no power with, because of your legalistic mindset, to heal you from anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if your mind still thinks on the flesh, then you'll never be transformed, because your mind has to think about who you are, because the spirit of God lives in you. If you keep judging yourself according to an old standard, like I knew, I was a whoremonger when I wasn't saved. But now I'm saying I'm a whoremonging Christian, I'm a sinner saved by grace. So because I'm saying that now what I'm producing is a son that's trying not to sin instead of a son that's free from it. Mercy Dude. So I'm like I'm getting, so I don't.
Speaker 2:I've never heard any of this stuff before. Nobody in my circle is telling me. They're like just keep pressing through, god, they'll break through, coming. There's tons of prayer, tons of counseling, tons of like ministering. I mean hours and hours of just spending time in the word and people praying over me, spending hours with friends that encourage me, just watching a movie with them to keep me, like, from leaving again and drinking.
Speaker 2:But after a while I said this is, this is fake. I'm not talking about God's fake, I'm talking about my life is fake. I'm a phony. I feel like like the biggest hypocrite and everything that I thought everybody like when I would judge now the judgment that I had towards everybody else about being lukewarm. Now it's facing me right in the face, like, well, if they were lukewarm, what are you now? You know? And then that scripture in Hebrews 10, I read it out of context and you know, if you sin willfully, there's no more sacrifice for you. That is not for a born again Christian right Like basically, there's no more mercy for you if you out sin his mercy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're toast If you take that verse out of context you ought to just give up, right, because what are you going to do? Well, I was like man. I've already, yeah so, and this is months into it. So now I stopped going all together. I'm avoiding everybody's phone call. I'm dealing with harder depression than I did in the world, like I want to now take my life. For the first time, I'm actually conjuring up the easiest way to take my life without getting caught or without somebody resuscitating me and me having to spend time in a hospital and them trying to like.
Speaker 2:I didn't want anybody to try to fix me. I knew, I thought I was failing Basically. I thought I was the biggest loser in the world and I was actually verbalizing and I was like I feel like such a big loser. I was living with my mom. Now, at this point I'm in my thirties, 30, 31, and I'm still living with my mom.
Speaker 2:I made some horrible decisions not just sexual decisions with myself and drinking and all that stuff but I lost my job. I quit my job out of just frustration. I broke up with my girlfriend that I thought was the one, and she's living at me. She doesn't want anything to do with me. My friends are like already see me messing up. I'm like dude, I've messed up my testimony and I'm a loser and I'm never going to get this right. And so now I'm plotting my death and I'm in my room, I'm sleeping like 16 hours a day and the depression feels physical, like I don't know if anybody's ever.
Speaker 2:But you, if you think on death long enough and just think on hopelessness long enough, like hopeless thoughts, your body will actually start hurting. You know what, and you could, whether you call it demonic or like demonic oppression and chemical imbalance. But let's just say, all of it hit me at once, right, like I was. I was hearing things, uh, and I thought that it was made sense. I was like man, I failed too much and there's no way back. And, and now I'm thinking, you know what, hanging yourself would be the best way, like because there's no way back from that, because I've watched the movies and I was like if I take pills and I try to drink my those pills down, my mom may find me or somebody will find me and they'll take me to the hospital and pump my stomach. I mean, I'm telling you it was so twisted and the thought was is I failed at everything else? I'm not going to fail at this, taking my life. It's crazy man.
Speaker 2:So here I am plotting my death and I'm like where am I going to hang myself? So I start, I get this crazy idea oh, the punching bag in the garage. And so I realized it's like an 80 pound punching bag and I'm at the time I weigh about 170 pounds. I was like maybe it'll still hold me. So I go downstairs and I grab it with my hand and I hang on it for several as long as I can to see if it could hold my weight. And lo and behold, it could. And sturdy, it was like because I put it in a beam and one of the beams in the. So I took the punching bag off and I put a bar stool and I said it's go time and as soon as I step on that bar stool, I'm going to step on the bar stool, stand straight up and wrap the chain around my neck, clip it because there's a clip and clip it on the back end and then just kick the barstool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and anyone under the sound of my voice. Listen in my heart, just if you're considering hurting yourself, you have value. God loves you. You have not gone too far. Where sin abounds, grace abounds much more. The world is better with you here, and so do not do not hurt yourself.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're going to take a quick break from the episode. I want to read a review that has just blessed me so much. This is a review of the podcast. This podcast is an answer to prayer for me.
Speaker 1:Five years ago, I claimed the promise of Jeremiah 29, 13, and began a journey of seeking the truth of who God is. As I realized, what I had was routine and not a relationship with God. Finding love, reality and this podcast are the culmination of my journey, as I've gone from death to life. I now understand my identity as my heavenly father's beloved daughter, free from sin in Christ. A heartfelt thank you to Richard Young and all the brothers and sisters who have shared their testimonies.
Speaker 1:Man alive this is the kind of stuff that just gets me going to share the gospel more and more. It is the privilege of my lifetime to be able to share these stories with you guys, and we can't share these stories without you. We are always two months away from shutting it down, and you know what God has been so faithful he's blessed us, and he's blessed us through you guys, through your generosity, through the donations that keep this ministry going, and so thank you so much for donating and being generous, but we still need your help to preach this message. You can go to loverealityorg and your donation will go into keeping this thing going, this gospel that has changed our lives. We want more people to hear about it and we're going to preach it. So that's lovereality slash give. Let's tell the whole world. All right, let's get back to the episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's your life, yes, Amen, yeah. So I didn't understand that then. And uh, and unfortunately, the lies of legalism tells you there's no hope for you, and your feelings actually back up the legalistic lies, because you're like man I don't even feel like eating anymore, I don't feel like. Even comedy movies don't make me laugh anymore, you know. And so my feelings are validating the lie of I'm a loser, I'm never going to get this right, are validating the lie of I'm a loser, I'm never going to get this right. I'm a sinner and I'm just.
Speaker 2:The type of sin that I have is just so. It just it was like this whole thing bunched up into one. So now I'm about to do it, and as soon as I take a step towards the barstool, that same sweet voice that ministered to me at 2007, I said hey, george, you haven't given God a chance. That same voice I knew it was like I never left you nor forsaken you. That's all I heard. And I knew it was a scripture, and I hadn't read my Bible.
Speaker 2:In months I haven't been listening to worship music. I was literally going to sleep for half a day, getting drunk, watching porn, maybe trying to watch something funny, and then going to sleep, doing it over and over for over two months. Okay so, and now I'm even on, I'm clinically depressed, so I'm trying to take antidepressants and that's not even working at this point. So this point, I'm, I'm, I'm suicidal and I'm, I'm in darkness in the sense of my own head. And so here I am and I hear, for the first time in a while, I never left you or forsook you and I had this sense of awareness like God's here. That's what I—I don't know if I said it out loud or in my heart, but I was thinking wait, you're here in this garage where I'm going to hang myself, like I was so twisted and so in legalism. I felt like I was far from God, I distanced myself from Him somehow. I felt like I was far from God.
Speaker 1:I distanced myself from him somehow. Yeah, doesn't Paul say that in Colossians that we were?
Speaker 2:estranged from God in our own mind. And legalism does exactly that. It brings you back to even though the Spirit of God is dwelling on the inside you, and you'll never be any more near to God than you will be at that moment, or eternally, once you're born again. But you actually, your mind, will play tricks on you and you'll actually believe your feelings and you'll say God's not close to me right now because of where I'm at, what I've done, how I feel about it. And condemnation has a voice too. Just like the shepherd does, so does the stranger of condemnation.
Speaker 2:I just kind of thought to myself I was like man, I'm a loser. And I hear this thing, the scripture that I hadn't read in a long time, but I knew it, I had memorized it from earlier on and I knew it was somewhere in the old and someone that knew. And now I'm like you're here in the garage. It was kind of a weird statement, but I was like you're here. And then I was thinking, wait, you've been in the car with me when I'm masturbating, You've been in, and that sounds crude.
Speaker 2:But we don't cause the Holy Spirit to leave. We may grieve him in this, but he's not grieved because of us, he's grieving for us, he's calling us back to grace and we're resisting it. So the Holy Spirit's like it's kind of like oil and water. It's like, hey, this lie is not blending well in with what you were created for. And he's calling me out of a lie, not calling me out of a sin, but out of a wrong thought process. And because I never knew, I thought that I was out of God, supposedly like I was far from him. And so I'm thinking you were in the car with me, you were like this all this whole time, these three months, that I was supposedly far from God and I needed to get back to church to find God again and get close to him. You're telling me you're here in this garage, dark garage, and I was like, oh my gosh, I was just about to take my life. It wasn't laughing at that point, but I'm laughing now.
Speaker 2:But at that point I hadn't laughed or even cried in a long time, because emotions are gone. I was numb and I'm like I was in shock. I was like I can't believe I was just about to hang myself. And so I just walk up to my bedroom and I open my Bible and I just lay there like pitifully and I just open it and I flip it open and I said all I said was God, what did I miss? That's all I said. I said something's wrong and I just don't know what it is. What did I miss?
Speaker 2:And I had my Bible open and I heard in my voice go to Matthew 6. Or like go to Matthew 6. So Matthew 6, 33 is my life verse. It's like it had been since I got born again. It's one of my favorite ones. You know, seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these other things will be added unto you.
Speaker 2:But I read it the wrong way. I was like seeking first the kingdom and righteousness was serving God, doing righteousness, and God will bless you for it. Like you know, that's the way. It was very shallow. So now he's like go to Matthew 6, and I go there and I'm about to go to my favorite verse and then I hear that same. I'm thinking maybe it's just me.
Speaker 2:But then I hear that same voice in my heart go to the start, at verse 19, george. And I'm like, okay, either I'm losing my mind or this is God right. So I go to verse 19, and I start reading it about storing your treasures in heaven and not on earth and you know where Ross and Muth don't destroy. And as I was reading it, I was getting these pictures and maybe you know God works with us in all types of seasons. But I was so strung out in condemnation and in depression that I needed help Big time, you know. And I started seeing pictures of what I thought that scripture meant and what it actually looked like in my life and how ugly it looked Like. Storing charges in heaven was, you know, just giving money and hoping God was going to bless me, you know for it.
Speaker 1:Like prosperity gospel or something like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, very shallow stuff. Like you know, I'm sowing into the kingdom and I'm going to reap a harvest in my finances through it and not knowing that God was even good to me when I wasn't saved, you know he was still providing for me and he wasn't having me jump through hoops. And now I'm jumping through hoops because the Bible says so. Right, I don't know, it's context, you know. Yeah, so I'm jumping through the hoops and doing all the Christian stuff and the Lord showing me, and by the time I get to the place of, if your eye be single, your whole body be full of light. But if your eye is divided or unhealthy, you know you'll be in darkness. And if the light that's in you is darkness, how great is that darkness? He says that was you in the garage, george. Your eye was in the wrong thing and because of that, that's how you ended up in the garage. George. Your eye was in the wrong thing and because of that, that's how you ended up in the garage. This is how I was seeing the picture you were about to hang yourself because your eye was, you were not healthy on the inside. It wasn't that you were, and he wasn't talking about my identity.
Speaker 2:Yet here it goes. So I keep going and I get to that you can't serve God and money or materialism or whatever like that. But then it gets to a certain point and it says of money or materialism or whatever like that. But then it gets to a certain point and it says you know not to worry. And it says look at the birds. And I would read past that because I get it Like look at God with the birds, like he's going to do, of course, if he takes care of birds. He says, no, george, slow down and read that verse slowly, like he's like. And at first I'm thinking I'm going to see birds, like maybe he wants to show me birds or something in my room, like a vision of birds. I mean, I was out of it, you know.
Speaker 2:So you know, when you're in depression, you think, you know you're not doing well. And he says, no, read it slowly, I want to teach you what that means. And he says they don't sow nor reap, nor store into barns, and yet the heavenly father takes care of all of them. And then this is the next verse how much more of value are you than birds, than they my worth Glory? And I was like what you know. I thought that humility was to say how unworthy sinner you were and it was a miracle that even saved you by the skin of your teeth, you know. And here he is just telling me how much more of worth are you than birds? And I'm like worth.
Speaker 2:Everybody always told me I was unworthy, you know, and we would even sing songs about our unworthiness and cry about it and think it was the Holy Spirit. You know we would cry because of how sinful we are and how much God loved us. We'd be crying for 30 minutes, just crying at the altar, like, and we called it a move of God. Sad man, it's sad. You know I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:This is a large community too, by the way. It's not like just a few people. This was just, and it's still happening today. I mean, you sit in and listen to some of these songs, you know and I know that some of it's inspired by God, but some of it is like just straight out of the soul, with wrong context of scripture. And I can make you cry, man, if I become a country song. I can make you cry if I tell you about my dog dying and how wretched I am and my girlfriend left me and it's. You know, I'm just going to drink one more margarita on the truck. But you know what? Just gonna drink one more margarita on the truck.
Speaker 1:But you know I'm saying like bro when I when I got the gospel whack, worship music became whack to me. Like I realized how whack it was and, uh, I would be sitting in church and I'd be like next to a buddy who might understand the gospel and we're hearing some song and I would just I couldn't take it anymore, bro, like once you see the real thing, like you can't, you're not able to unsee it, it's like the red pill. Like you're, you're, you're out of that world, and you're like, oh, mercy. Like like I'm, I'm of worth because I'm his son, not because I did something, but just because of my birthright, just because I was born into royalty. And so you start thinking about it in a different way.
Speaker 2:We forget that God, when he first created man, he created him in his image and likeness and he called him good. We like to start the story with Moses, but the story starts in Genesis when he says I love them and I'm making them to look just like me, when there's no shame in my presence. That's the beginning. That's the beginning, Not Moses and the law and us being all sinners. That's part of it, but that's not the beginning. Genesis literally means the beginning, Not Moses and the law and us being all sinners. That's part of it, but that's not the beginning. Genesis literally means the beginning. So you know, during worship I was listening to your new song. I'm sorry and you know, it's like I don't know how much it cost to see my sin upon the cross. I started worshiping. I just started changing the lyrics in my. I feel like I can write lyrics now. That's my wife, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful. It's a beautiful, it's a beautiful voice, and I get the point. But God, yeah, the Lord is like the Lord was like it wasn't about. It wasn't about loving you and leaving a sinner. It's about removing sin and revealing a son, the son, and actually putting my son inside you, redeeming you and bringing you back to a place where you have intimate relationship with the father as a son and you're no longer judging yourself according to the flesh but according to the spirit.
Speaker 1:Um, like I'm thinking I'm hearing you say this stuff. What is a more powerful form of worship? That he has actually changed you, that he's actually given you this, like you're praising, or that you're a piece of garbage and he didn't kill you. Yeah, so, I guess one is like wow, I'm garbage and you didn't kill me. I guess that can be powerful. But even more powerful is like I've always been this from the start.
Speaker 2:It's like me saying that when my parents had me, they could have thrown me in the dumpster, but no, they didn't wow, you guys are awesome.
Speaker 1:You didn't throw me in the dumpster, or yeah, like love me and poured everything like could you imagine coming up to your dad and you're 30 years old as a dad.
Speaker 2:You I know that I was like you know I was a baby and maybe I was kind of like hard for you to manage being a husband and that, and I'm pretty sure you considered throwing me in the trash and you could have, but you didn't. Thank you for loving me. That would be a weird Father's Day card. Yeah, it's strange. It is strange, but that's how we worship God. It's like a distant God that could have done it but didn't, and his whole heart the whole time. He was loved from Genesis and he was still loved in the law. The law was just for a time and anyway.
Speaker 2:So I'm sitting here and I'm listening to these songs, I'm worshiping, and some of the most powerful worship was actually without music.
Speaker 2:I'm not joking. I mean, I was so used to being emotional and thinking about how wretched I was and how good he was that I had to disconnect myself from being emotional and so I would go into my closet. Literally I'm here. Actually, I was in this apartment it was about man nine, ten years ago and I'd run into my closet and I'd have a nice little, nice nice smelling candle, just to something to kind of like have some light. I have my Bible and I have my phone, in case that maybe I wanted to stir myself up. It was like a good song and the best worship I ever had was when I decided not to turn on the thing and I felt I felt a hundred million miles from God, but I knew it was a lie now and I just, and I would raise my arms up, man, and right there, feeling, you know, when most people say I'm not going to raise my hands until I feel it or I'm not going to, I'm not going to sing a song when I don't feel it, and.
Speaker 2:I realized I was like man my heart is alive. I may not, my body, may not tell me that I might be a little bit tired from work and this and that, but my heart has the Holy Spirit. The love of God is poured in my heart and I knew that because I was reading scripture from a different angle. I had bumped into Dan Mohler. How'd you bump into Dan Mohler? You just went to hear him preach or something. No, no, I bumped into him on YouTube.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, yeah, yeah. So I bumped into him through YouTube and I heard his testimony and it challenged me. I was like and I had to pray. I said, lord, you've been coaching for now. It's been like about a year after trying to take my life and I'm figuring some stuff out. I'm getting along with the Lord. I'm not in all those ministries anymore, but I'm back in church, but the same church, but I'm not involved as much. I just want to receive and understand because I missed it. You know, for five years I missed this. I was like man. I just want to understand. So I'm reading the Bible alone. I'm asking questions. Now this Dan Moller guy's talking about how I am a man of God. You know my blood. I've been perfected forever through one sacrifice. You know, like he quoted, I've never heard anybody say it was so much conviction. And I said this dude is either wacko and I need to cut him off or he's got something that I need to tap into.
Speaker 1:So I got to tell you when I met him, I went to hear him speak. I've heard him speak probably five times, but the first time I heard him speak, he right when he walks off the stage I was the first person right in front of him and I said your ministry has changed my life. And he was looking at me, bro. He was looking at me and maybe I it was just like I was the. There was like hundreds of people in the room. It was like I was the only person created by God and all of his focus was on me. And I told him I was like man. I lost my job because, you know, I was preaching this gospel and he was like but it was all worth, it wasn't it, brother? And I was like yeah, it was Dan. It's so good man. I was listening to him. Today he's a huge blessing in my life.
Speaker 2:I'm listening to Dan and I was like man, let me listen to his testimony because I don't want to just listen to another good teacher and get caught in this other rabbit hole legalism the other way you know where it's, lucy, or it's kind of like this free grace thing, but no transformation. And I listened to his testimony and I was convicted to the core. I said this dude, within seven weeks of just going after the love of God, alone with him, is loving his wife in a way that was like transformational. Is loving his kids? Is, you know, like, forget the gifts? The gifts were just coming out, just naturally, but it's. It was like the love of God was manifesting itself in a way that was supernatural, but it wasn't forced and it wasn't because he had to love his wife or he had to try to love her or he was trying to get her back. It was like I have like this has to become real. And I think he prayed something like like I know you're in this book and I want to know you, and so so I'm in this new search and I'm like this. So I started praying. I said, lord, if this is legit, right away the Lord gave me in my heart. I heard not only is this for everyone, but this is especially for you. And the door is wide open. And I went in running alone. Now, with this new revelation, I started reading Romans 6 with fresh eyes. Romans 7, I was more confident than ever that this is so not me anymore and I'm just sitting there talking to the Lord, just spending time. And I'm talking about this is.
Speaker 2:For years, man and I mean people thought I had lost my mind in my church. They saw that I was excited and happy at church, but I wasn't hanging out all the time like they were and I wanted to. Actually, I was actually excited about being by myself at home, where before I hated being by myself because I'd fallen to sin. And now I'm like I can't wait. I mean I'd go to Michael's and buy which is like an art store, and I was like, man, I want to do some art with Jesus and I'd buy some canvases and some colors. I'd never even painted a day in my life, man, you know. I mean I like to draw when I was younger, but painting in a canvas, I just saw. I saw bob ross do it and I was like I want to do that, but with jesus, you know bob ross must have known something about the gospel man.
Speaker 1:He's just so too happy.
Speaker 2:I could be wrong, but he had carried so much peace that maybe I think he was saved. I need to watch the Bob Ross.
Speaker 1:How can you paint a happy little tree if you don't have the joy of the Lord in your heart?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. That's right. I mean, I talk about he was him and Mr Rogers.
Speaker 1:They were just oh dude if you watch the documentary about Mr Rogers.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Like Mr Rogers has. He understands guilt, condemnation and shame. He understands children and like that, brother had to have been filled with the spirit, bro, because just the way he ministered to people Like dude, mr Rogers, is love Like. Don't get me started on Mr Rogers, that dude is the king dude.
Speaker 2:He made me feel good about himself while he talked to me, while he was tying his shoelaces. Yeah, man, I loved to watch him put his shoes. I was like, oh, this is so good, you know. I felt so calm.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're so nice to Mr McFeely. Yeah, so yeah, go ahead. So you're just pumped on like you're going to church. You got a different kind of energy. Guilt, condemnation and shame is out of there. What happened? No.
Speaker 2:I'm doing anything and anything to engage with Jesus through this truth. I'm doing anything and anything to engage with Jesus through this truth. I mean, I'm writing Psalms 43, but through the revelation of like, like rest, you know, like you know Psalms 23,. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want he leads me before, besides still waters, I was like man. Lord, you've given me your spirit and I have peace with you. You know, and I was like connecting.
Speaker 2:Holy Spirit was helping me connect, like Romans six and Colossians three, and Ephesians, chapter two and three of you guys, you know chapters two and three, where it talks about the same thing, is basically talking about our union and the finished work of the cross. So before it even talks about the good works, it gets you to the finished work first, like mean. If you read ephesians collagens, chapter one, two and three, before it starts telling you what it looks like, it tells you what you have and what you've become let's go you know, so I mean isn't that like ephesians 2, 8 through 10, like that, that, that it's it right there, by grace you've been saved.
Speaker 1:And then at the end of that, like you've been saved, and then, oh, here are the the works that he's had beforehand, that you should walk in them. And so people, they worry about works, but you got to know that you've been saved by grace.
Speaker 2:Uh, and this is not your own doing before, there's works that you can walk in yeah, and this, this and this salvation is, it's it's a little bit deeper than just going to heaven. It's like, yes, I'm going to heaven, but it's talking about a contentment and a peace of the soul, because something was wrong and now it's right and I believe it. By faith, and because I believe it, it starts aligning my thinking, my actions, my. Now it's a pure conviction instead of a condemnation like you shouldn't do that. You're like george, that's not you anymore. That condemnation like you shouldn't do that You're like George, that's not you anymore. That's a big difference. Then you shouldn't do that because you don't want to sin, versus that's not you anymore. That person died and good works isn't even. It's happening without even me.
Speaker 2:Like what was happening in Dan's life was now happening in my life, but it looked different because I was married and going through I had different trials. You know, hold on one second, babe, are you okay? Babe? Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out. Oh, pop rock or something. Somebody's popping something outside. Um, so yeah, pop lock, so anyway. So I I felt like I was like man, more alive than ever. I'm actually excited about being my by myself. I was still being tempted with pornography at that time. But, uh, there was a specific testimony that I ran into, like because this is about two years into it, but I'm going into it and I realized this is just like what you said, like this is something that my mind needs to change the way I'm thinking about this. This is I'm feeding something, but it's coming from a deficit that anyway, I heard this testimony about which I'll probably share it on the group, about this guy that was struggling with a cigarette addiction and he kept going for prayer.
Speaker 2:He kept going. He said I want to be free, pray for me so I can be set free. And this pastor, dan's sharing the testimony, but it's another pastor, supposedly. And this pastor's like I'm not praying for you. And he goes what do you mean? Everybody's praying for me, I want to stop.
Speaker 2:And he goes this thing's owned you for a long time and you need to just believe that you have been set free. And he says you have been delivered from the powers of darkness and conveyed it to the kingdom of his love. He quoted, like Colossians 2. And he says but you don't believe that. And he says so next time you put a cigarette in your mouth. This is a true story because I'll tell you what happened after that. So he puts it. He'll say every time, like right now you're going to leave and you're going to say, okay, I'm not going to smoke.
Speaker 2:But the next time you get the desire, and even if you break and you go buy the cigarettes and you put it in your mouth, start talking to the Lord and thanking him that he has set you free and delivered you from the power of darkness. And you say, father, thank you with a cigarette in your mouth, thank you that you delivered me from the power of darkness. And the guy's like I can't do that. I memorized it because I watched it so many times. He's like I can't do that, I'll be a hypocrite. And the Lord's like not the Lord, but the Lord, through the guy, says you're not a hypocrite, a hypocr that doesn't want change, but you actually want change. You're crying, you want it, but this thing's owning, this owned you for such a long time and it's truth that sets you free. And so he's like so next time you start communing with him and thanking him, even if you feel like a complete phony. So he goes through, he blows through, like two packs of cigarettes doing, but he's talking, communing with God more than ever, because usually he'd be ashamed and feel like he has to go to church to meet with God, right, but now he's communing with God with cigarettes in his mouth and he's saying all right, I'm going to do what this pastor told me and I think after the third pack he realized he had gone through a week and he had just a normal hard week and he had no desire to smoke cigarettes and he broke down crying and he couldn't believe it and he said that's so powerful. And I'm thinking truth, truth.
Speaker 2:So I'm still fighting these desires and this is going to sound crazy, but you said we can be raw, so I'm watching. You know, I would be like I just want to go home and spend time with the Lord and then I get this crazy. You know image in my head. I get reminded of something and trigger and I'd be like, oh my gosh, I gotta like I need to fight this and I back into this, fight right, and the harder I fight, the stronger, you know. And so here I am, here I go again, I'm just going to do that and in my head I get reminded of that testimony with the guy with the cigarettes while I'm watching porn on my phone. You know what I'm saying. So I'm watching the porn and I'm like and dude, this is wild, dude, this is wild. But I and I hadn't done it since, but this is going to trip you out.
Speaker 2:So I'm sitting there watching and I'm like, and I remember the testimony and I'm like that's right, this guy was addicted to uh, smoking and I mean, that's like a chemical thing, and here I am dealing with whatever and I don't know what this is. So I said, thank you Lord, I'm watching this and I'm about to start, you know, and I'm like, thank you, lord, that you've delivered me from the power of darkness and conveyed me to the kingdom of your love. Thank you, father. And it's not like I'm not just quoting it and hoping the feeling goes away. I believe I'm at this point in my relationship with God that I know I'm still close to God. You know what I'm saying. Like there's no separation, right? I just know that I'm just dealing with a wrong mindset.
Speaker 2:And here I am talking to God in the midst of why this thing's playing. You could hear it, it's visual and my pants are already down and I'm in that position and I'm like and and I say it again thank you, father. You've delivered me, you have delivered me from the power of darkness and I, my eyes, even now saying it, my eyes, are watering up because I felt the tangible presence of God, not like like something ripped it off me. I'm talking about let me say that differently. My emotions changed towards what I was dealing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I started tears started coming down my face and I looked at what I was looking at and I had. Now I saw clearly between the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I mean, that's the best way I could explain it If I was back in the garden and I was completely perfect and the serpent is giving me the option of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and the tree of life. And I said, man, like inside, I've been delivered and I have the tree of life. I'm conveyed and I'm crying tears and I turn it off and I'm like I don't know what just happened. I'm going into my closet and I just went in there and wept and talked to the Lord and thanked him, Not because I didn't masturbate, I was thanking him for what he had said. Let's go.
Speaker 2:That I had been delivered and that that was the truth. And I was like, thank you, Lord, that your truth. And I just stayed thank you, Lord, that you're true. And I just stayed there and I think I fell asleep that night in my closet because I was just having a great time. I mean, it was just this crazy journey of like. Sometimes we're trying to get something to stop and the Lord's like look to me, Don't look to you or look to your actions, Don't even look to your fruit of your life. The you, or look to your actions, don't even look to your fruit of your life. The Bible says make the tree good and the fruit will be good, but if you make the tree bad and then you try to work on the tree, you're going to have some mixed fruit, and so he made the tree good.
Speaker 1:He's actually the one who's made you good.
Speaker 2:You didn't work hard to be good, he made it the planning of the Lord, yes, the righteous tree, the planning of the Lord himself. He planted himself in me and he wanted to live there. He thought that I was worth the price paid because he knew that once I understood this, I would actually live from him, from the most sincere. And you know, it says come to me all you who are burdened, heavy laden, and I'll give you rest. I believe that rest was talking about grace and right. It was a foreshadow of grace and righteousness, and being yoked to Jesus is like I'm not the strong one I'm actually, you know, I'm not a strong Christian and I'm disciplined and I know how to handle myself. No, I have fully submitted myself to the gospel, and that looks different every day in the sense of how I engage with him In my car. Or you know, my closet, now that I'm married, my closet's stuffed with a bunch of women's stuff, you know.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so this, you've been growing in this for a while um and I it's yeah, just growing and growing. You get married. Um yeah, how did you come across our stuff and how did you know, like right away, like I tell me that and then we'll so I was just.
Speaker 2:I mean, I was just so excited I was connecting. I was still in my church, I was, I was connecting with different community. I was hearing, I was encouraging a lot of people. You know like I'm talking about even pastors, man, um, leaders in ministry. Like to me at the time I wasn't even a leader in doing anything, I was just an excited christian and I was actually pouring in truth to people and saying you know, that's not you anymore, and I would just say little things in private and they would confess their sin and say, just pray for me, and there's healing in that. I said no, no, the healing isn't on the stripes that were put on his back 2000 years ago. It's. Our job is to eat of it and actually believe, receive it and believe it. But if we're going to just wait for the feelings to go away and the desire to go away to believe that that's when we're free, that's when we'll make a mistake.
Speaker 2:He says because Paul said the day that Paul was saved he was free from sin. He just didn't know it yet. Holy Spirit hadn't revealed it the day he was baptized in the Holy Spirit and the scales come off his eyes and he ran into that sanctuary and said Jesus is the resurrected King and he's the Messiah. He ran into that sanctuary and said Jesus is the resurrected king and he's the Messiah. That first day he was free from sin and he wrote about it in Romans 5, 17, all the way through Romans 8. So I was like man and this dude figured it out through relationship with Jesus. He said this gospel man didn't teach me.
Speaker 2:Dude figured it out through relationship with Jesus. He said this gospel man didn't teach me. And now it should be taught by men, because Paul taught it to other men. And he said Timothy, find other men that could teach this, you know, that are faithful and that can teach. And unfortunately there's a lot of different teachings out there. And so I was just like my ear was very sensitive to the gospel, so you know, so I could encourage people. But then when I'd hear somebody saying something that was familiar in a good way, I'd be like oh, dude, who is that? And so it was, I think, the first time I heard of you. How did I even bump into you, dude? Was I on Facebook? Or something.
Speaker 2:It had to have been Facebook. Yes, it was facebook. So there's this guy that I think I don't know if he invited me or if he shared something you shared from the community. Uh, brayden louis, oh my man brayden, you know him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the, that's the, the homie man. How do you know him?
Speaker 2:so okay, so, because there's so many people, but I so I bumped into, uh, his wife savannah, on um, uh, this is like a long time ago, and she was sharing her testimony and it just it melted my heart.
Speaker 1:I was like we used to do a bible study together. Savannah and I, we used to do a bible study together. Uh, she, she, uh. Used to do a youtube channel where she used to, like, tell people how to live, and then she got the gospel and she's like, oh my goodness, like I didn't know a whole bunch of stuff.
Speaker 2:So I mean so her revelation. I was just so enjoying her. And then I was like man, I want to see who her husband is, because she just got married. She got married really quickly and then he was like sharing the same stuff. So I was like this is beautiful, really quickly. And then he was like sharing the same stuff. So I was like this is beautiful. And then I think, through him I somehow got, somehow I, I want to say because around that time I want to say that.
Speaker 2:And so then I started and then I got invited or maybe I asked, or it'd be like hey, you know. And and then from there I was like, oh my gosh, you guys are going after. Oh my gosh, you guys are going after agape love, not just filet-o, not just like God loves us, but not just freedom when we get to heaven. But you know, we're always going to sin by nature and I'd never I hadn't heard it. A lot of people share that. Richard, I had. You know it's not doesn't make me happy. It actually makes me sad because I want to encourage people. You know it's not, it doesn't make me happy. It actually makes me sad because I want to encourage people. This is for. This is the meat and the milk. We think, oh, let's move on. I was like, no, you don't understand. This is what, this is how you should start and this is what actually causes you to endure and this is what actually finishes.
Speaker 1:This is how you finish the good race or good fight of faith the uh, yeah, you know so well anyway. So this has been, um, just seeing you, seeing your life, hearing this story like I said, I heard some of it before, um and just hit like the energy you have for the lord. Bro, it's a beautiful thing to see, uh, and I think you're just going to keep getting worse, bro. I think you're just going to keep sending it and God's going to like we're going to get more and more revelation of his love, right, Dude, that's the beautiful thing about his love it's endless.
Speaker 2:I mean, he's not going to love me more tomorrow, but he wants to continue telling me how much he loves me. But he wants to continue telling me how much he loves me. And and it's like you know, when you're married like even though you know that your spouse loves you it's always just a great reminder. And I think Peter said this. He says even though you're established and know these things, I'm going to remind you of these things and also have make sure that, after I'm gone, other men remind you of these same things. And you know what he was talking about. That was in 2 Peter, chapter 1. And all he talked about is these precious promises that we can partake of his divine nature and having grace and peace, and talking about fruitfulness through this understanding of the knowledge of who Jesus is Like. I'm talking about man Peter had it, james had it. Like these weren't just apostles, these were men that had a revelation of God's love that was meant for the brand new believer or the person that's been walking with Jesus himself for three years. You know.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful, bro. I usually wrap these things up by like taking us back in time. I usually wrap these things up by like taking us back in time. So if we were going to jump in the DeLorean and we're going to go and we're going to see George and he's a year no, two years out from understanding that Jesus loves him but he's legalistic as a mug, if you got to roll up to George and put your arm around him, like what would you say to this guy? How would you minister to him?
Speaker 2:I would. Oh, I know exactly where you're at. That's a great question. I would say I'm so proud of you. You're doing amazing. Don't give up and don't beat yourself up for one second. You're too good for that and and and the father says you're good. And if he says it, just believe him. And he's not, and he's not like a man that changes his mind.
Speaker 2:I would preach the gospel to George, but in a very like down to my face level, and I would tell him don't beat yourself up. He's the father's very proud of you. And yeah, and you know it's funny because I heard that in my heart Um, that's actually what he told when I was having a hard time. He's like I'm proud of you. And the first time I heard that I was like is that me? I was like George, are you proud of me? You know, no, I was like man, god's talking to me. He's like I'm proud of you. I was like where's that in the Bible? And I believe it's the father speaking to Jesus. Before he does a thing. He says this is my beloved son, whom I'm well pleased. And then Peter talks about it. How, they heard the voice, the father saying this is my beloved son and he talks about prophecy and being encouraged, and so I know that I love the word of God.
Speaker 2:So I would say keep make it about the truth. Feelings come and go, but the truth will always be the same. You know, I would say that because feelings do come. Even now I wake, I tell my wife, I'm like she sees me excited, but I'm like, babe, this takes relationship, you have to be intentional. There's days that I wake up and I have to stir myself up, not in a weird way where I'm like, be hard, you know, go hard for Jesus.
Speaker 2:Today it's more of like man. Thank you, father, for I wake up and I'm like, honestly, I have to wake my wife up and we're running a little late, and I tell this all the time and we're running a little late and I know we're running late and I barely have time to even do anything. You know I have to rush, I have to get her up and you know, and there's like a bunch of stuff going on and then like I don't even have my whereabouts to even find my pants, you know. And now I'm like man, you know, and I catch myself kind of running and I said, father, thank you that you've loved me and that we're going to get to do life together. Today. It's going to be amazing and within like a short period of time I'm just talking to the Lord going about 80 miles an hour. Don't do that. Don't follow that example. Don't follow that.
Speaker 1:George man, you're a blessing bro, you're a gift, you're a testimony. Thank you for sharing your story with us, and now we're going to have to meet in person. You have to come hang out with us at Internet Church. I don't know if you ever have some Friday nights off, but we do a church on the Internet on Friday nights, and so you'll have to come and uh and minister to some of our people, and so is that like on uh, this platform?
Speaker 1:like uh, it's on zoom man, we, or yeah, we do it on zoom and we usually have like 100 people there and it's.
Speaker 2:It's just come on, yeah, man, dude, that's gonna make me cry. Dude, like that many people just going after grace and righteousness it's like it's talking about like my sheep hear my voice and a stranger they do not follow. And I believe he's talking about grace and man just to see so many people just being captivated by grace and transformed by it. I hear your story, I've heard some more stories and I'm like let's go.
Speaker 1:I love you, man Love you bro.