Death to Life podcast
A podcast that tells the stories of people that used to be one way, and now are completely different, and the thing that happened in between was Jesus.
Death to Life podcast
#242 Amy: A Teen’s Journey From OCD And Legalism To Trust In Jesus
We share Amy’s journey from childhood fear and OCD to a settled trust in Jesus that carried her through a false accusation against her dad and a sudden move. The story traces how legalism fell away, belief took root, and peace held under pressure.
• early love for Jesus and seven years of undiagnosed strep
• OCD patterns, nightly fear and the pull of control
• legalism as safety, perfectionism in chores and prayer
• a night in John 14 bringing assurance and calm
• medical treatment easing OCD alongside growing faith
• learning the gospel of grace through family and church
• false accusation, investigations and financial threat
• the decision to move and grieving close friendships
• unexpected ease in starting over and a deeper hope
• choosing prayer over panic and trust over control
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The world doesn't think that the gospel can change your life, but we know that it can. And that's why we want you to hear these stories: stories of transformation, stories of freedom, people getting free from sin and healed from sin because of Jesus. This is Death to Life. Yo, welcome to the Death to Life Podcast. My name is Richard Young, and today's guest is our youngest guest that we've ever had on the podcast. Her name is Amy, and her sinceress, her sincerity, her love for Jesus, and just her life lived is just beautiful. And I think you're gonna appreciate this story and appreciate her heart. And I just I just I just love hearing it from uh people who are young and they get in, they're just like, Yeah, this is how it is. And so I think you're gonna love this episode. This is Amy. Love y'all, appreciate y'all. Buckle up and strap in. All right, Amy, how old are you?
SPEAKER_00:Um, 13. I mean 14.
SPEAKER_01:14. Okay, so you're the first, I think you're the first teenager we've ever had on the podcast. We've been doing this for five years, so you're the first teenager. Um and normally we're like, where are we gonna start this thing? And you just told me you wanted to start at the beginning. So where's the beginning? What what's the beginning for you, Amy?
SPEAKER_00:Um, just about as far back as I can remember, like when we were living in um Alabama when I was about three years old, I just remember, like, I just loved Jesus so much. And then a few was it months, years or something later, I ended up getting strep, and like it wasn't just a normal case of strep because we didn't we lived in the woods, and so it was a bunch of we thought it was just allergies, so we kind of just let it sit and it stayed for seven years.
SPEAKER_01:Hold on, you had strep throat for seven years?
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:You're not messing with me. You had strep throat for seven years.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, I had strep for seven years.
SPEAKER_01:Did you know? Like, was it like I hear strep is like super painful?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it was. I had a sore throat. I just kind of learned to ignore it and like live my life without it because I thought it was just allergies. And so like Mercy. I feel bad for my friends because I was always sick around them.
SPEAKER_01:Mercy. All right. So you you you remember Alabama and then having strep throat for seven years. Okay.
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:How'd you deal with that?
SPEAKER_01:You just you just weren't feeling awesome then.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Um, yeah, I just learned to function with it. Um, but when you have strep for a long amount of time, it can do like stuff to you. Some people like it'll hurt organs, some people it will like just cause like other diseases and stuff like that. And for me, I got OCD, which is I forgot what that stands for.
SPEAKER_01:But it's a compulsive disorder. So you were obsessing about the the strep throat, or describe that to me.
SPEAKER_00:No, um, it like m-I don't know. It gave me like I I was just over obsessing about random stuff, and it started kind of small. Like, I started uh like at first I was scared of okay, well, the first time my parents noticed that I had OCD, they didn't know it had anything to do with strep because they didn't even know I had strep yet. But um I would wash my hands like on repeat, and like I would have uh like and then that night I would especially get scared, like, Dad, are you sure that there won't be a fire tonight? Are you certain there won't be a tornado? And like lightning storms and stuff like that, and like they were like, Well, I can't promise anything, but like I'm sure it'll be okay. And I was like, but I need you to promise because I'm scared.
SPEAKER_01:So talk to me about this washing the hands thing. That's super interesting to me. Do you did you realize you were washing them over and over? What was the need to wash them over and over again?
SPEAKER_00:No, it was kind of like it was more of less of an obsession of washing hands and more of a an obsession of always having to be like clean. Like if I touched something that like could be in public or something, I would like need to clean my hands like immediately and stuff like that. And like every time I touch something that could be dirty, I'd have to wash my hands a lot.
SPEAKER_01:And so then you were obsessing about anything that could hurt you at in the evenings as well, just that kind of fear.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Wow.
SPEAKER_00:And like I didn't I don't want to throw my parents under the bus because uh they took me to the doctor several times and they like thought it was they would treat it for acid reflux, because that was also a thing where I would get like stomach issues too. That was probably having to do with a strep, but the doctor's office, we didn't like the doctor's office didn't assume anything, and so therefore, nor did we, and so like the strep and OCD, um those were big parts of my life, and I didn't know I knew the OCD, but I didn't know the strep.
SPEAKER_01:Did you ask God to take it away or what did you how did you talk to God about it?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so like I was I would pray a lot um that the OCD would leave because I knew that I was like always scared, like constantly, like my brother would say, You're scared of nothing, and then I mean you're scared of everything, and I'd be like, I'm not scared of everything, and I've tried to think of something I'm not scared of, and I'm like, I legitimately cannot think of anything that I'm not scared of. And so like I was just constantly in a state of fear, and actually eventually that fear around when I was around in third and fourth grade, it began to start turning a little bit towards God too. Um, but I didn't look at it that way. I didn't think, oh, I'm scared of God. I was scared that I was not enough, that I was not doing good enough for God. And so uh I think also a major factor was that my third and fourth grade teacher at the time in Bible class, he was a little bit of a legalist, and I was scared, I overobsessed about everything, and so I was trying to figure out how to get to heaven, so I would like soak in everything, and then I'd like really obsess over that, and I'd get I got really legalistic.
SPEAKER_01:So, what did you think was the way to get to heaven?
SPEAKER_00:So if you were to ask me that back then, I would probably say believing, but in my mind, that was not how it was. Like, that's what I believed, but it wasn't what I actually acted on. Like, I would be scared that I was too bad, like I crossed the line, which is very funny because I was the most goody two shoes kid. Like, like it got annoying to my friends, sort of goody two shoes. Like, and like whenever my teacher would say something, like not even like this is a rule, children. Like, whenever he'd say something, I'd be like, oh no, if I mess up, like I really need to remember this. And like if he ever had to say the slightest thing, like talk to me, like do something better, or something like that. Like, if I made a mistake and my teacher would have to call me out for it, I would beat myself up for hours.
SPEAKER_01:So this obsessive compulsive disorder and what you're talking about here with the legalism, it kind of all stems from like obsessive-compulsive is about control. Someone is trying to get control at all times to feel safe. So, would you say like in your whole life you were just trying to control things so you could feel safe, that you were good with God?
SPEAKER_00:I guess that would that would make sense. I never thought of it that way, but that would make sense.
SPEAKER_01:So when you said you started being legalistic, describe to me what that looked like.
SPEAKER_00:Like, I would follow every rule to the best of my capability, and not even rules, like I would have chores sometimes, and like one of them was sweeping under the table. And I'd be like, there's still a tiny dust speck there. Like, I legitimately was like, if I don't get every dust spec, I did not do my chore well. And like my mom would just be like, just do the best you can. And I'd be like half an hour in just sweeping under the table. And we weren't when we were in Tennessee, we had a very small table. It was tiny, like it was not a big chore, but I would be spending like half an hour under that table making sure I got everything clean, and she's like, just do your best. And I'd be like, but technically I could do better. And so, like, and I would like overobsess, and sometimes I'd even cry, and she'd be like, Okay, that's it. Stop. Stop cleaning under the table. Like, and um, oh, also I remember when I would read my Bible at night, I whenever my parents would come up to say goodnight to me, I would just like load them down with questions from what I read, like just random stuff, and I'd be like, what about this? What about this? What about this? Like I had to understand everything perfectly and I had to do it perfectly.
SPEAKER_01:So how did that go? Did you do it perfectly?
SPEAKER_00:No. I I I was I wouldn't I didn't do everything perfectly, of course, but I was like as close as I possibly could be.
SPEAKER_01:But you know, like without God, you can't really there's nothing wrong with following rules. The part where it becomes legalistic is when we're following rules or rituals, uh, because that maintains our relationship with God.
SPEAKER_00:Right? Yeah, and that's it.
SPEAKER_01:Instead of you you do your best because you are like you're doing your best because you are loved, it's like you're doing your best so that he won't stop loving you. And that raises the stakes, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So, alright, keep going. What happened after that?
SPEAKER_00:Um, so a bunch of this just like constantly, and my mom actually told me afterward, like, that they were getting worried about it, about me, because like I was so stressed uh over this, like I was like putting way too much into this, and they were worried that I'd get weird out and just like give out give up altogether. And I never really was about to. Like, it was it I was very sincere just in the wrong way, but like sometimes it did feel like I had to read my Bible, like it wasn't like something, yay, I get to read my Bible. It's like okay, it's time for bed, you need to read your Bible, sort of thing. And like if I was super tired, I'd be like, but I have to read my Bible. Like, I can't do it later. I have to read my Bible.
SPEAKER_01:And yeah, reading your Bible was like something you needed to check off rather than like you're spending intimate time with God, right? Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And also I remember when I was three before this whole strep and OCD thing happened. I remember I just remember one time, but I do remember at least once when I would pray, and it was like so just like I'm talking to Jesus, like I'm so happy about this. And then like in when the OCD and the legalism kicked in, it was kind of like a I have to make sure it's the right prayer. I have to make sure it's a good prayer. And all that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that can this this wasn't weighing you down? You felt like you could do it for a while.
SPEAKER_00:It was it was weighing me down, but I didn't realize it. And I was gonna continue going, but I I it was pro yeah, it was weighing me down.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Would you say you were happy?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, most of the time I was happy, but I was also scared. Like in the back of my mind, I was constantly in fear, but like I was happy when I was interacting with people, I was happy when I was just like chilling. Yeah. But then I guess I really didn't realize how much it was on me until it wasn't on me.
SPEAKER_01:That's kind of the trick, yeah. So what happened uh next?
SPEAKER_00:Um, so one night when we were coming home, we were actually with the high school we were at that time. Um there was home leave. It was a dorm academy. And so one of the one of the kids couldn't go home that home leave. And so my mom and him were good friends. And so he was staying at our house during the home leave instead of staying at the dorm. And so we were coming home from some sort of meeting or something. And I remember we were getting out of the car and it was dark outside, and this there was the Orion's belt. We could see the Orion's belt constellation, and they were like, Oh, cool, that's so cool. Look at the Orion's belt. I was like, wait, what? Look at what? And they were like, Oh, the Orion's belt. And so everybody went in, but the high schooler stayed out with me, and he showed me it, and he's like, See those up there? That's the Orion's belt. And we believe that, according to some of the things that Ellen White says, we believe that that is gonna be where Jesus is coming from. I was like, oh wow, it was like I was really excited, it was so much fun, and I got thinking about heaven, and that night when I went to bed, I was like, it turned in from excitement into like an overwhelming fear. I was like so scared, like it was almost dizzying. Like I was like, what if I don't make it? Like, what if I've been putting all this work in, but what if I still don't make it anyway? And I was like, God, please. Like, I remember I was sitting up and praying this. I was like, usually I lay down, but like I was sitting up, I was like, God, please just let me in. Like, I promise I love you. I promise. Just please make an exception or something for me. Just make sure I get in. And I like I was scared, and then I went, I pulled out my Bible, and I read just where I left off, and that was John 14, verse 4. And it was like, I've prepared a place for you in my father's house, there are many mansions, and I will come and get you when I'm done. And like I I like at first I was just kind of like still in fear, and so I like read it again because like I wasn't listening to what I was reading, and I just ended up reading it over and over and over and over again, and like suddenly I was like, wait, wait, God's trying to tell me something here, and actually, now that I look back, I've looked up that verse several times in the same version, but from how I read it that night, I think that Holy Spirit kind of changed up the words a little bit, or the way that I read it. Because I read that thing over and over again. It wasn't just one simple mistake. Uh, it was like it's the way I read it was in my father's house. I prepared a place for you, or something like that, and I'm gonna come and get you again. If this were not so, I would have told you. If this were not so, I would have told you was in a different spot. But I was reading it after I will come and get you. So it was like he was promising, like, you're a Christian, and I would like I'm gonna take you back. Like, I'm gonna take you to heaven. And I was like, oh wow. So like I called up my parents and I was like, guys, God just talked to me. I was like, He told me I'm gonna go to heaven, and so and I still had OCD after that. Like, I was I would tell my friends, like, God told me this, but like now I'm scared that I will mess it up. But then I just kept on reminding myself, well, if God told me this, like I'm sure it's true. Like, I still obsessed over other things, but in that one thing that I become very scared about, I I had this peace because I had a final answer. Yes, you are going to heaven. Anyway, so the next day at school, my teacher was saying, like, you could be a Christian, you could do all the right things, but if you don't know God and have a relationship with him, you're not going to heaven. And I was like, I think I have a relationship with him. And so at that night, I was like, God, do I know you? And then when I was reading my Bible that night, again, like twice in a row, God the verse was he was telling Thomas, you surely know me, or something like that. But it wasn't like the way I read it again, it wasn't like Thomas, you know me. It was like Thomas, and then like almost highlighted, but not actually highlighted, you know me. I was like, okay, yeah, I think God's being kind of clear here. So that was like a big pivotal moment, even though I still kind of I didn't have gospel yet, but I knew the truth about my future. And I didn't know if that was gonna be something that I would accomplish in the future, but I just knew that it was gonna happen, and that was that's big peaceful.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so yeah, keep going.
SPEAKER_00:Um, anyway, so like time went on. I still had the OCD, but it was it was getting better, and actually once the doctors found out that I had strep, the strep actually continued for like a year because of all of the buildup of strep. Um, it was like a little bit of antibiotics, couldn't really do it, and so it still kept on going for a year, but eventually they actually got it stopped, and that was act that was pretty much my OCD did end around that time. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Praise the Lord that you don't have strep. Figured that I don't know. Yes. I don't trust these doctors telling you telling their story. So that calmed down that also calmed down your your obsessions.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so after that was done, I noticed I wasn't like as terrified of like lightning or the dark or um fires and tornadoes and stuff like that. And also I began I was still had a bit of legalistic traits, even though I knew I was gonna go to heaven, but I was still kind of by works, sort of.
SPEAKER_01:And you wouldn't have said that, it's just kind of what you were believing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I did I didn't know it. I didn't know it. Right. Um trying to think what happened next. Um I think when I was in sixth grade, sixth grade is when you got the gospel. Uh I'm pretty sure it wasn't when I was in sixth grade, my dad um got the gospel from you. And uh of course he couldn't keep quiet, so he told us. And how did he tell you?
SPEAKER_01:Was you like, hey kids, check out, check this out. This is the gospel. How did that go?
SPEAKER_00:Um, he was just kind of, I mean, he was chill about it. He was like, um, guess what? I learned something new. Um actually, you're not saved by works. Well, he never really said you're saved by works. Like, right. That was not from him that I learned that. Um, but he was like, we're actually saved by just believing that's it. I was like, wait, what? I was like, it this is weird. Um, but we started going to internet church and the online wave one thing. And like I started understanding it, and I was like, when am I gonna get that click I hear about? When am I gonna hear get that click? And um, it really just came on gradually.
SPEAKER_01:It wasn't really like a epiphany about something.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it was just kind of chill. Anyway, it was fun when because we brought out you guys, your family, our family, um, and a family from Alabama, and we went out to the woods. That was uh yes, in the Smoky Mountains. That was so much fun.
SPEAKER_01:I was always wondering how much you were paying attention because I talk an awful lot, and so you know, and I would look over at your brother and look at you, and I'm like, are they are they catching this? Is this too hard for like am I explaining it too difficultly?
SPEAKER_00:Uh I don't even know the right word, but it was kind of like it wasn't, I don't think it was too much, but when most of the time I actually spent with Nola and the young Abraham's kids.
SPEAKER_03:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:Um, because like I mean, they're little kids, they need somebody to take care of them. So I actually didn't get to listen in on much of what you were saying. But what I did hear, I was like, oh wow, that's cool. And by then I knew the information. And so it wasn't like uh I need to know the information sort of thing. It was just like, but it was still, even though I wasn't really hearing it much, it was still like a spiritual high to be in an environment of all these people from Love Reality and stuff like that gathered together and just like praising, even if I didn't hear most of the praising, it was still like a great experience.
SPEAKER_01:What and like what was one thing that stood out to you in because this was this didn't take place like within a week. This was like maybe half a year. What was like something that stood out to you that was different from before that you were believing?
SPEAKER_00:Um just I understood why God had told me that I was gonna go to heaven. I understood how, because that was another question in OCD was I had to know how. And when I knew how, I was like, oh wow, okay, so now I know what to do, and all I had to do was believe, and I already did that, so like it was just a lot of peace and also like seeing the joy, like extra joy in our family and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_01:That's awesome. Okay, we're gonna take a real quick break for the episode. I want you to go to www.lovereality.org and go to our events to see that we're gonna be in Michigan next month, and we're gonna be in California in the new year. And so we want you to come out and vibe with us, kick it. This is like when we do stuff together, um, it's awesome. We get to meet so many people, and it's a super uh big blessing. So come kick it with us in Michigan, come kick it with us in California, and as always, we're able to do this stuff uh because of you guys, because of the generosity. Um you want to see the gospel moving forward. So partner with us, lovereality.org slash give, uh, and we can keep on doing this gospel thing in 2026. All right, let's get back into this episode.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And then we get to the interesting part. Um, so I don't know how much I can say, but basically my dad got invited to do team camp with the to be the pastor at team camp. And he got falsely accused of something. And it when I first heard about it, I was like, oh, somebody lied about him. Like, I didn't know what was gonna happen because of that. I was like, well, it's gonna get dealt with. Like, God led us to summer camp, he did an amazing thing there. Like, we'll be fine. Like, like, God's gonna work this one out too, and he did, but not in the way that I expected. Um, so one day we were driving home from my mom's voice lesson, and she's like, So Amy, I gotta tell you something. I was like, okay. She's like, well, my um, I mean, she's like, well, at summer camp, um, dad got falsely accused, and this could end up okay, or we could possibly have to move. And I was like, oh, that's I don't like that. Um, and I was like, oh no, we don't we're gonna have to move. Like that day, I was like, we're gonna move. And then a few months later, not much is happening, and I'm like, well, maybe it's all blown over. We're fine. Like, God's works this one out. We're gonna just stay here and keep on living our lives. We're gonna we're gonna stay here. I'm gonna keep my friends, I'm not gonna have to readjust. We'll be fine. And so we were we were just kind of living in a happy-go-lucky state. And then um my dad gets he's starting to call to get calls from the conference asking, like, just interviewing him and like asking what's going on. And then they came to the conclusion. Well, first the summer camp did their investigation, and they came up to the conclusion that he was innocent, which he was. And then the conference did theirs, and they also came to the conclusion that he was innocent, and both the conference. President and the vice president were both ex-policemen. So, like pretty valid um interview there. And they were both on our side. Then came the accusers brought it to the police and the police did their interview. They also came to the same conclusion, but the they were not the accusers were not happy because the parents of the children who accused believed their daughters, of course, as they should. Um and so they were not gonna just let this go, as any good parent would. And they they also did their investigation, and they also agreed with my dad, but eventually they decided the accusers' parents decided to do like a not a court trial, but uh like a the step before that. What's that called? Uh uh.
SPEAKER_01:They were gonna press charges or they were gonna sue him or something like that.
SPEAKER_00:I I think they were trying to.
SPEAKER_01:Either way, they were still they they weren't they they were still going for it.
SPEAKER_00:They weren't gonna stop until he was in jail.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And yeah. And so, and also the person who was not the judge, I forgot what the technical meaning.
SPEAKER_01:The district attorney, probably.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, district attorney, that's it. The district attorney in that area was well known for like when it came to this sort of case, not brushing it off, like I mean, not hearing you out, like not taking you in and doing a meeting, just sending it straight to court.
SPEAKER_01:In anybody accused of this sort of thing, he was going to he was gonna uh keep going. Right.
SPEAKER_00:But the problem with that is when it gets to court, even if you were found guilty, I mean, even if you're found innocent at the end of the court meeting, the lawyer for that, the conference had been paying for his lawyer up to this, but the lawyer for court, they weren't allowed to step in in any way once it gets up to the court. And this guy was um once you get up that high, the lawyer would be about$30,000. And like we're a pastor's family. We don't have just$30,000 laying around.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um, my mom had like a part-time job, so and she also wanted to, of course, be home with us when we were there, so she was getting stressed out um about like how to deal with this. Like, if dad would be in jail while we were waiting for the judge to come up with his idea, like his judgment, um, she would be in jail. I mean, he would be in jail, and my mom would have to keep the roof over her head and pay the$30,000 fine to the um or to pay the lawyer's fees.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And like it was mostly stressful to my mom, of course, but it was also very stressful to us as well, to me.
SPEAKER_02:For sure.
SPEAKER_00:Because that year, seventh grade year, that was the first year, well, second year, after finding freedom in Christ. And so, like, that was those years were literally like the best years of my life, especially seventh grade, because I was like, I had the best class, I was like in all the friend groups, and like I was closer to my best friends than like I had ever been, and it was just like an altogether like amazing year, and it didn't seem like that would change. Like it was just such a great year, and like I was like, but there was this question of would my dad be in jail soon? Would we have the$30,000 jet and um debt? Would would we have to move away from all this like this perfect life? Um and like it was it was hard, but most of the time, you know, I was fine. Like I would be hanging out with my friends, and I would be literally like on top of the world, even though all this chaos is happening in the background. But then the district attorney hadn't done much in like months, and we were like, we're fine. Like he's he won't say that he's like ignored the case, but he has ignored the case. Like, we're fine, we're gonna stay here, our life is gonna continue, and we were just beginning to live in this state of like we don't have to worry about anything, like we're like, it's all over, we're fine. And so, like, we were treating everything as if we weren't going to move, and we were just like digging our roots down deeper, you know, with friendships and stuff like that. And then we go to New Mexico for my grandparents' 50th anniversary, and it was uh probably the worst 50th anniversary or vacation that we've ever had, because that was when my dad got a call that said we it's like becoming unsafe for us because our accusers are still at our heels, even after all this investigation and all this everything, the accusers still were keeping at it, and it would not be safe for us there. And I remember he said when he went into that room, pray, because this does not sound like it's gonna be a good call. And so we were praying. I was doing my math homework because we were on vacation, and then my dad comes out and yes.
SPEAKER_01:Um naturally, that's when I do my math homework on vacation. Sorry, keep going.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I mean, I had to do it because I don't want to do makeup work.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, anyway, so my mom and my dad come out and they're like crying, and I'm like, oh shoot, we're fried. Um, and they're like, the first words that came out of my dad's mouth were, so where do we want to move next? And I was like, no, no. Um, like we couldn't tell anybody yet. So it was like this crazy overwhelming, like, I need to speak. Um, like I couldn't text my friends and be like, guys, we're moving. Um, it was just not a great rest of the vacation. And when we came back, we were allowed to stay. And it was hard because we would have like when I came into school that day, my best friend Maddie came up to me and she was just like crying, and she gave me a big hug, like no words were spoken. She was just like crying, and I was like, I just hugged her, and I was like, Yeah, I didn't know what to say because it was all of it was sad and surprising. And then my other best friend, Julia, like, it hadn't hit her yet, and she was like, You're moving? Wait, you're moving? And then, like, when it finally hit her, she also started crying. I was like, I don't know what to do. Um, so basically I just hugged them because I didn't know what else to do. Um, and it hadn't really hit me yet either. Like, I knew the facts that we were moving, but like it wasn't really hitting me. I hadn't felt that emotional oh no yet. Well, I mean, I did the first day, and then it was just kind of like, yeah. Anyway, so we start packing up the house because we're moving in three months and we're not even finishing the end of the school year. But we start packing up the house, and like it was weird moving like everything into the trailer, like boxing everything up, like it felt like you were camping because you survived on the bare minimum, and then like yeah, and like it was hard, but it wasn't I still had this peace, like I was sad, but I was also okay because this whole time I wasn't just like oh no, like what am I gonna do? I would pray about it, and like I'd talk to people about it, and that would always make me feel better, and like honestly, I think the people who had the hardest time with it was my friends, like I was sad because I didn't know what was gonna happen to us next, but like the saddest part was honestly just like watching them be sad for sure and stuff like that, and so a few months later, like and also in the in-between time, like the three months before we moved that we knew we were gonna move, I was like still this super happy positive person that like and I was on the inside too, like I was just happy and like still having the best year of my life, and like I was surprised. I was like, should I be feeling more than this? Like, I'm literally moving away from the best situation ever. Like, should I be feeling more than this? Like, it was kind of like I almost felt bad because like I'm literally leaving my best friends and I'm still like happy when I hang out with them instead of like sad when I hang out with them because I'm gonna have to leave. And I eventually I was like, I guess that's a good thing. It's a good thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's okay to be okay.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it is a good thing because I was enjoying my last time with them instead of being sad with my last time with them. Um then we move, and it's really hadn't hit me yet either. Like, we were in a new place, it was kind of like we're in a new place. Like, I wasn't really like, we're gone, we're gone forever, and like it didn't really feel much different. Like it felt like I could go 10 minutes over to my friend's house and like stay the whole day and then come back, even though I really couldn't. Um adjusting was surprisingly very easy, like everybody was super nice to me, and like I made friends like immediately. Like, yeah, and I still kept I still keep in contact with um Julia and Maddie and all of them and stuff like that. Um, but there was this one night, I think I had texted them or something, and they were like, I miss you, and I was like, I miss you too. And then this one night, I was like, it hit me. I was like, wait, I'm gone and I can't go back. Like, it isn't safe for us to move back because our accusers haven't moved either. And like, it isn't safe to go back, we'll never go back. I don't know the next time I'll see them, and it's not like we can just visit a lot because we live like 12 hours away. Um, and so I was like praying, and I was like, God, give me this peace that you've been giving me this whole time because it's really worked, but tonight it isn't. Like, God, please give me this peace. And it wasn't happening because I was still focusing on the bad. Like, I tried, I was like, well, let me think about the positive because that's what I do. I was like, well, God gave me plenty of friends. We have a much bigger house, like we have a great two churches and like friends everywhere we go. Like, it's great, and I still have my friends on contact, but I was still sad because contact was the only way I could talk to them. And I was like, God, I'll just like hardly ever see them again. And I started getting sad again, and I was like, I don't know what I didn't know how to get out of this, and then I stopped talking for a little bit, and I just kind of laid there and let God do his thing, and he said, This is just like a vacation, enjoy your time while you're here, but you're when you go to heaven, you'll have all of your friends, and you'll have your friends in here, and you'll have your friends in Tennessee, and like and it will be perfect, like there will be no messing it up, and I just started getting excited, like I wasn't it wasn't like I was oh yay, it was like a yes, let's go. And I started like thinking about it, and like I was like, thank you, God, because like it was it was starting to get hard again, and then like so I was just like so happy, and I've just this whole time it's very kay it's been very chaotic, it's been very stressful, it's been very unfair, but this whole time God has been right there and like just giving me peace, and it's just been so good. And like my parents have been like, so I know you say you're okay, but like, are you sure? Like, you can talk to us if you need anything. I'm like, I'm actually okay, like God's given me this piece, I'm actually fine, and it's just been great because whenever things come up that's hard, I know exactly where to go to. I don't stress about it like I used to in OCD. I don't just like text my friends, I pray. And I'm like, God, I know you fit you like fixed all of this. Maybe the my year at in Tennessee was better, but you've made my life still so good, and you've grown me as a person and as a Christian, and I know that you'll do it again, and so I don't have to know the future anymore because I know the person who writes my future, and I've seen him in the past.
SPEAKER_01:Amy, that's so amazing because like the bookends of this story is fear and control, and then it seems now like you know that you don't have any control, but that God loves you and he's in control. And so, like, the fear, the reasons to fear are no longer there. Um, the reasons to like try to fix it all in our mind are no longer there because God has loved you so well. And you were testifying in in I think one of the internet church, one of the nights or something, or one of the Bible studies, and somebody messaged me and they're like, Hey, who is this this girl who was testifying? Like, she just spoke to my heart, and I knew it was you. And I just praise God because um this didn't have to end like this, where you're still moving with peace and joy, and yet God has loved you so well, so you're moving with peace and joy. So if you could go back and tell this sweet Amy who's underneath the table, trying to get every last crumb, if you could tell, if you could minister to her, what would you tell her?
SPEAKER_00:Um, it's not about what you do, it's that you believe, and not just that you believe in God, it's that you believe and trust that he knows everything about you and he knows the future, and like things could go bad and they will go bad, but as long as you stay with him, your life will still be amazing because he gives he gives you peace and he loves on you no matter what, and he'll take care of it.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much, Amy. Uh love you and your family. You're uh a blessing to us. So thank you for sharing your your story.