The Calm Christmas Podcast with Beth Kempton

S2 Ep7: REST (escape the chaos)

• Beth Kempton • Season 2 • Episode 7

Share episode

Ease yourself through the holiday preparations with this gentle episode all about rest, including a host of ideas for taking care of yourself as winter moves in. With inspiration from Liza Dalby (@lizadalby), Jilly Shipway, Shiva Rea (@shivarea108), Lucy Brazier (@brazier.lucy), Claudia Hammond (@claudie_hammond_), Gareth Owen, Katherine May (@katherinemay_) and Sonoko Sakai (@sonokosakai).

Featured in this episode:

Jennifer Piercy’s Melatonin Magic yoga nidra meditation is here on Insight Timer.  

You can download a FREE copy of The Perfectly Imperfect 2022 Digital Planner here, to help you reflect on the year and look ahead to 2022. 

Ingredients for the featured recipe (makes 4 servings)

•   3.5 cups or 830ml dashi stock - there are wonderful recipes for making your own dashi in the book, but you can also buy it as stock from places like the Japan Centre.

•   3 tablespoons of white or red miso

•   2 oz (57g) mushrooms of your choice, stems removed and sliced 1/4 inch or 6mm thick

•   4oz (113g) soft or medium-firm tofu, cut into 1/4 inch (6mm) dice

•   1 teaspoon yuzu or lemon peel, pith removed

You can buy dashi stock from Japanese supermarkets and stores such as japancentre.com.

We know that earths pitched revolution on its axis makes winter in the northern hemisphere correspond to summer in the southern. Ancient cultures, such as Chinas, did not realise this fact of astronomy but were nevertheless able to calculate the important solar linchpins of the calendar by measuring the angle of the suns rays to determine the solstices and equinoxes. Philosophically, they believed the phenomenon of changing seasons to be due to the alternative movement of the two underlying essences that give life to the universe - yang and yin. In the Chinese system, half the year was dominated by the yin ethers, half by the yang. It was as if the living universe were slowly breathing a 180-day inhale of yin, followed by an equally long exhale of yang. There is never a point where one force totally excludes the other. Even the winter solstice, the epitome of yin, is, simultaneously, the rebirth of yang. Precisely at the height of yin power, darkness and cold begin their decline, while the warm light of the yang ether begins to ascend. Welcome to the Calm Christmas podcast with me, Beth Kempton. That lovely snippet was from East Wind Melts the Ice, a gorgeous book by Liza Dalby, and this episode is all about escaping the chaos. With less noise and more quiet. We are edging closer to the Winter Solstice, which marks the shortest day of the year. Darkness is at its fullest, and the sun promises a return of the light. This is a hopeful time, a time to dream of what we want to invite into our lives in the coming year. It's time for quiet contemplation and for being close to nature. It's also a time when we can see our moods change and the winter blues set in, so it's a great time for a gentle yoga practice, including sun salutations to boost that mood, keep us moving and support us through this time. As Shiva Rea says in 'Tending the Heart Fire', At winter solstice, the darkest point of the year, light begins its journey of reemergence. This great cosmological rhythm sets our internal clocks, our biorhythms, to the subtle flow of slowly increasing light. In our spiritual and creative process, we begin our own gradual awakening and reemergence from the dark, fertile soil of winter. According to Judy Shipway in Yoga Through the Year, In Latin sol means sun and sistere means to stand still. Here at the winter solstice the sun appears to stand still before it changes direction. We too stand still; we pause and look back over the journey that we have taken over the dark part of the year. This has been a journey that follows a path spiralling inward to the centre of our being. And now we reflect upon what we have learned along the way and consider what wisdom we will be taking with us into the new solar year. Like the sun we stand still and prepare to change directions We turn our face to the sun and look toward the path that spirals back out into the world On a spiritual level we create a sacred space at the solstice by pausing and taking time to reflect on, and connect with, the light within, enabling us to radiate warmth and sunshine out into the dark days of winter. Following the solstice, as you spiral back out into the world, let your actions by guided by this divine lamplight. Bring your awareness back to it whenever you feel alone, troubled, confused, or are at a crossroads and uncertain about which path to take. In the coming growing season, resolve to stay connected to this inner light and then everything you do will be illuminated and guided by your inner wisdom. What do you want to bring out into the light over the coming months? I really love all those books that I have shared snippets from today. I think it's such a wonderful time of year to pause and reflect and ask ourselves those kinds of questions. And I love how Lucy Brazier describes the Winter Solstice in her beautiful book River Cottage Christmas. She says, I am lucky to live near the coast and swim most mornings with friends. We celebrate every solstice with a sunrise swim, followed by a beach fire and a breakfast picnic of bacon and marmalade sandwiches or a generous slice of stollen as we watch the light shift. Later in the day as the sun sets, I light a fire and take a spoon to the rumtopf that has been steeping since the summer solstice to give to family and friends, a symbolic sharing of the years fruitful produce. You have to excuse my pronunciation of on top I'm not great at German, I'm pretty sure that's a German word. But everything that Lucy makes and creates is beautiful. And there are so many gorgeous recipes in that book River Cottage Christmas, and she really lives the way that she talks in that book. And it's such a wonderful way to mark the natural cycle of the year. In my house, I love to get up early and eat breakfast by candlelight, scribbling down anything I want to release and ceremonially burning that as the day breaks. And then later in the day, taking my notebook to a quiet cafe and dreaming about the year ahead. How will you mark the solstice this year, I wonder? For this week's well being corner, let's talk about rest. I hope you'll find some time to rest this coming week. I'm saying this for me as much as for you to be honest. I don't know why so many of us find it hard to really rest. But I for one and taking some proper time off this winter. This year has been relentless. And one thing I have noticed is that time off work doesn't automatically equate to resting, especially if you have young children or other caring duties. According to Claudia Hammond, in her lovely book The Art of Rest, in a given year, three quarters of us are so stressed we feel overwhelmed or unable to cope. Wow, that is serious. Claudia says, Tiredness can have a serious impact on our cognitive abilities. A task which seems easy when youre fresh is rendered far more difficult when you are fatigued. Tiredness leads to memory lapses, a blunting of emotions, a lack of concentration, more frequent misunderstandings and impaired judgement. The effects of a sleep deficit are now well understood and the list of problems it causes is (as long as your arm - everything from type 2 diabetes to heat disease). Crucially, in the book, Claudia distinguishes between rest as a restful activity we do when we're awake, and sleep. Interestingly, she says, In getting to the essence of rest it is worth considering its origin as a word. The Old English word raeste (spelt r-a-e-s-t-e) is derived from the Old High German word rasta and the Old Norse word rost, which in addition to rest, in the sense we understand it, also meant league of miles, or distance after which one rests. So the etymology strengthens the notion that rest comes after or through activity. If all you do is rest you will not feel rested, but after a certain point rest is needed and deserved. You are then in a state of proper restfulness. I absolutely love exploring the origins of words and it's so often brings another layer of meaning that makes so much sense as that does there. I want to share some rest tips and these are inspired by that book, The Art of Rest as well as some of my own contributions. Hopefully, you will find these helpful over the next few weeks when things can get quite hectic, but also it can be a really good time to find some quiet space to rest because a little less is required of us, certainly from the working world, usually at this time of year. Of course, that depends what you do. But I hope that you can find some time somewhere in the next few weeks for some good rest. So resting can include taking a break from other people from social media and the news from screens. So that means resting your mind as well as your body. Finding a way to distract your mind from your worries. Things like swimming in the sea or going for a run can be great, allowing your mind to wander and giving yourself permission not to achieve anything in particular, for a while. Retreating for a day can also be great. If you can, why not plan a whole day to yourself to retreat, to wander and to ponder- I love doing this this time of year - to ground yourself, stretch your body, relax your mind and reflect on the year gone past. And here are some sleep tips. We all know that sleep is essential for physical and mental wellbeing but so many of us don't get nearly enough of it. Taking steps to improve your sleep can have a real impact on how calm you feel in your waking hours. According to the US National Sleep Foundation scientists are now finding that light from electronics has the potential to disrupt sleep because it sends alerting signals to the brain. You may well have heard about this research, it's been very widely shared. The circadian rhythm seems to be especially sensitive to light with short wavelengths, in particular blue light in the 460 nanometer range of the electromagnetic spectrum. This is the light given off by electronics like computers and cell phones and also by energy efficient bulbs and that's been shown to delay the release of melatonin. In other words, electronics could keep you feeling charged past bedtime. One of my favourite guided meditation leaders, Jennifer Piercy on Insight Timer, has a wonderful melatonin-themed meditation, a yoga nidra meditation, which you might want to have a listen to Insight Timer is free, and her yoga nidra meditations are just fantastic and can really help with getting to sleep. If you have difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, you might want to consider keeping electronics out of the bedroom completely turning them off (and using an analogue alarm clock if you need an alarm clock) and doing that for at least an hour before bed, if you tend to go to bed and read or whatever. It can take some time for the body to come down from those alerting effects of technology. Another interesting one to try if you tend to have all your overhead lights on in your house is to turn those off or install dimmer switches and light your home with uplighters - low level lamps or candles, fairy lights, they can look pretty, but they can also have a detrimental effect on our circadian rhythms in terms of the cold white ones, they give off the most disruptive light, even though they are beautiful. Warm white fairy lights or red lights are better from that point of view, but even those should be switched off at least half an hour before bedtime, according to the scientists, so you're looking for low, gentle light before bed. According to sleep specialist Michael Breus, maintaining a consistent sleep wake schedule is crucial because each morning when you wake up at the same time you get sunlight through your eyes, which helps reset your circadian rhythm and that reset actually impacts every organ system and every disease state. And then your brain knows when to fall asleep and when to wake up and that allows your sleep cycle to become more efficient and to increase deep sleep, and deep sleep can feel so good. Sometimes real rest follows acceptance. It's not necessarily a physical thing. Sometimes it can be a psychological thing might seem a big leap to say,'What's rest got to do with acceptance?' But if we're hanging on to regrets worries what ifs, ruminating and repeating things over and over in our heads, our minds cannot rest. So here are a few words for you, which I've adapted for this season and this podcast

from my own book, 'Wabi Sabi:

Japanese wisdom for perfectly imperfect life'. Here we go."Acceptance is alignment with the truth of the present moment. In this present moment, what is true about your life? You are listening to this podcast, inviting ideas for a calmer holiday season. Perhaps you are drinking a cup of your favourite tea, or you are distracted by condensation on the window pane. Or maybe your window is open and you can hear cars going past. Or the sun is casting shadows across your desk. Perhaps you are listening to this after an inspiring conversation, or a big argument, or some surprising news. Maybe you are listening on the bus, or on your daily walk, or in your kitchen with half an eye on the oven to see if your pie is cooked. I wonder if you are hot, or cold or just right? If you can smell cooking, or the garden or the impending rain. Do you have music playing? Is the clock ticking? Are you soaking in the bath listening to the sound of your own breathing? Take a moment to think about the facts of your life in this exact moment. This moment is the one you are living right now. You cannot extend it for ever. At some point the pie will be done, the bathwater will go cold, the night will close in. Accepting that we cannot hold on to or control the status quo is a powerful teaching from wabi sabi, reminding us to treasure the good we have right now, and know that the bad will pass. Any time you feel stressed or worried, upset, lost or lonely, anchor yourself in the facts of now. Notice whats going on in your body, and whats going on around you. Feel what you are feeling. Know that this is just a moment, and soon it will give way to another. Any time you are feeling overwhelmed, try to accept that what is possible in the present is limited. You can only do what you can do. This is not a shutting off of possibilities, but rather a recognition of your own capacity, so you can stop expecting impossible things of yourself and give yourself a break. Any time you recognise a moment of true joy, soak it all up. Anchor yourself to the sights, sounds and smells of right there and then, so they can transform into a precious memory when the moment has passed, which it will." Just like all the other seasons, winter is a collection of moments, some of which we'll treasure, some of which we'll miss completely in our busyness. Taking note of the weather and how this affects our bodies and the world around us can really help us root into those moments. I found this lovely poem called Winter Days by Gareth Owen in The Oxford Book of Christmas Poems, which I think brilliantly captures what winter is like when we just trundle on through it. Biting air / Winds blow / City streets / Under snow / Noses red / Lips sore / Runny eyes / Hands raw / Chimneys smoke / Cars crawl / Piled snow / On garden wall / Slush in gutters / Ice in lanes/ Frosty patterns / On window panes / Morning call / Lift up head / Nipped by winter / Stay in bed So instead of just observing winter this year, let's be inspired by it, take it as a verb, and practice wintering. This week's wellbeing section is all about wintering. You might well have heard of the book Wintering by Katherine May, which has been a phenomenal success and charts the story of a woman unexpectedly forced to discover the power of rest and retreat. You can win a signed copy of this book over on my Instagram @BethKempton this week in fact. It's a wonderful book so do come and enter if you fancy it. And I'm also giving away a signed copy of my own book Calm Christmas and a Happy New Year, so somebody will win both of those. That's over on Instagram @BethKempton. So in the book 'Wintering' Katherine says,"When you start tuning in to winter, you realise that we live through a thousand winters in our lives - some big, some small. Just as I was coming to the end of Hs illness and mine, and was beginning to believe that life was about to settle down again, I realised that a grand winter had rolled in without my realising it." She goes on to talk about how she realised her six-year old son was desperately unhappy at school, and about her decision to take him out of the school system. She goes on to say,"I hadnt noticed the joy seeping out of him, but it had seeped all the same. Some winters are gradual. Some winters creep up on us so slowly that they have infiltrated every part of our lives before we truly feel them. And then,"...If happiness is a skill, then sadness is too. Perhaps through all those years at school, or perhaps through other terrors, we are taught to ignore it, to stuff it down into our satchels and pretend it isnt there. As adults, we often have to learn to hear the clarity of its call. That is wintering. It is the active acceptance of sadness. It is the practice of allowing ourselves to feel it as a need. It is the courage to stare down the worst parts of our experience, and to commit to healing them the best we can. Wintering is a moment of intuition, our true needs felt keenly as a knife. So this week, perhaps have a think about what wintering might mean in your life, and whether you need to take any time for yourself this holiday season, to rest and recuperate from the year, to process or release anything that you've been carrying, or simply to give yourself some time to reconnect with your creativity, with any particular source of joy, and to be rejuvenated for the new year. In fact, this is our journaling prompts for this week, so notebooks at the ready. How about answering this? What have you experienced this year that means you are due for some wintering, to rest, retreat and recuperate? And what might that look like to you? Is it a day to yourself, a weekend or week away, a month off social media, or even more significantly, a break away from it all or complete change of career, for example? See what spills onto the page and then make a plan. And on the subject of planning if you've been barreling towards December not yet had a chance to reflect on the year, why not try to carve out an hour or two this week to do that and look ahead to what you might want to bring to life next year. Mr. K and I have been doing this for more than a decade now. And it has become a lovely ritual as well as a powerful way to set intentions for the coming year. If you want to do this, feel free to help yourself to my free planner, The Perfectly Imperfect 2022 Digital planner, which you can download at Bethkempton.com Do you go and help yourself and enjoy some precious time reflecting on the year gone by and looking ahead to 2022. Happy planning! And now it's time for our nature corner. Keeping the idea of wintering in mind, I encourage you to spend some time with a tree this week. We talked about forest bathing earlier in the series, but this week, let's give our attention to one individual tree. You might have one in your garden or one on a favourite walk, perhaps one in a nearby park or field. So find your tree, and then take a note of these things. Watch what the tree is doing - how it's conserving energy and how it's resting during this winter time. Has your tree kept its leaves or has it lost them? What shapes can you see in the branches? In the trunk? Or in the patterns of the bark? And what shape does the tree make against the sky? How many colours can you see? And what kind of tree is your tree? Does this particular tree or this species of tree have any folklore connected to it? What if you had to give it your own name, what name would suit your tree? Go up to it and touch the tree. Feel the texture of its bark, of its branches, of its leaves if it has any. Lean against it or sit up against it. Feel its warmth against your back. Stand or sit tall and be aware of the tree and yourself sharing the same space, connected. Imagine the tree breathing in sync with you, and just stay there for a while breathing together. And then when you're ready, take one long, slow breath in and out, thank your tree and head on your way. And now it's time to talk about Christmas. We're just a couple of weeks away now maybe even less depending on when you're listening to this episode. And one of the most effective ways of slowing down when everyone else is trying to speed up and rush towards the holidays is to focus on what you want from the season and bless the rest. So focus on one thing, and then just let go of the things that don't matter so much. When I was researching my book Calm Christmas, interviewing hundreds of people and trawling through 1000s of original data points, I discovered that although there are many symbols that represent Christmas to each of us, there is not one single element that is universally applicable to everyone. Not everyone puts up a Christmas tree or sings carols or hopes for snow, or cooks or turkey, or exchanges gifts, or gathers with others to celebrate. Nevertheless, it was clear that there is a pool of experiences from which we all seem to draw at least one memory that is closely associated with the season, often related to our senses. The sights, sounds, smells, tastes and textures of Christmases past linger in our hearts and inform our ideas of what it should be in the future. In the course of my research, I discovered that the roots of our traditions are deeply buried in legend and lore, and that it's extremely hard to unearth accurate facts about the origins of Christmas. The history of this most famous festival is littered with so many contradictions, assumptions and unverifiable assertions that getting to the truth of it all is really challenging. Our Christmas timelines, along with our food, decoration and activity traditions, vary according to culture and generation, as does the energy around them. Some people love the flurry and bustle of Christmas, while others resent the retail-led nature of the season and would rather spend it in peace. I wonder what you're like? In speaking to people from all walks of life, of all ages and backgrounds, I discovered one salient truth. Every Christmas is unique, like a snowflake. Each one is carefully constructed. It's a complex narrative that has formed as Christmas has whirled across time and geography, down family lineages, through television and social media feeds, and around our kitchen tables. No two are ever the same, either from year to year, or from person to person. We need to slow down and get up close to see the complex and particular beauty of each one. My research efforts whipped up a veritable snowstorm of memories and beliefs. But when the flakes finally started to settle a pattern emerged. All the people I spoke to seemed to value and identify with at least one of five essential stories of Christmas. These are tales of faith, magic, connection, abundance and heritage that have been told and retold for generations. Our personal connection to each of them offers a snapshot of what Christmas means to each of us at a particular moment in our lives. They provide clues to the triggers for our stress and the sources of our joy. They offer a framework for understanding our individual deep-rooted views of Christmas, and discerning what to hold on to, and what to release. For now, let me invite you to close your eyes for a moment. Take a few deep breaths, and listen to me explaining each of those five stories of Christmas. As I mention each one see which speaks to you the most. Which one is most important to you? Which do you really connect with and which are not so important, after all? The first story is the Story of Faith. This is the biblical Christmas story and the role that it's played in your life over the years, if any. What does that one mean to you? The second story is the Story of Magic. The story of Father Christmas or Santa Claus visiting, the story of flying reindeer, elves making toys and other magical happenings. How important is that to you? The third story is the Story of Connection. Think the Victorian Christmas - Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Think trees to gather around, cards to send, feasts to share, reconnecting with loved ones and toasting love, life and the year gone by. How important is that to you? The fourth Christmas story is the Story of Abundance of showering loved ones with gifts and sharing our good fortune with others. How important is that to you? And then the fifth story of Christmas is the Story of Heritage. This is your family's heirloom version of Christmas, the one that's been handed down to you, and if you have a partner perhaps blended with theirs. It's a carefully strained composite of all the geographical, ethnic and cultural influences you have received, grown up with or adopted over the course of many years. You know, the inherited treasures, the quirky traditions that you link directly to your family and childhood, all of those things. How important is that to you? You might want to take a moment, perhaps even with your notebook, to reflect on which of those feels most important to you, and how you can really bring that to life this year. If Christmas in your household is stressful or explosive, or simply not quite as you want it to be, then I think you would love Calm Christmas which goes into these stories in more depth and offers a brilliant tool for figuring out why Christmas is the way it is and how to bring harmony to your celebrations, honouring what matters to each of you without sacrificing your own experience. So if you do get yourself a copy, I hope you love it. And now it's time for this week's Christmas recipe. There attempting sweet things everywhere at this point in December so I thought I'd share a lovely, wholesome, nourishing recipe this week to counteract all the sugar. This is from a fantastic Japanese cookbook called Japanese Home Cooking by Sonoko Sakai. I love this book because it explains about the principles and rituals of Japanese food as well as offering recipes for the kind of food I used to eat when I lived with a Japanese family. Real delicious, economical and nourishing home cooking. Today's recipe is for one of the staples

of the Japanese diet:

miso soup. This is one of my favourite things to eat when I'm feeling a bit under the weather. It's fantastic to pop into a flask and take on a long hike or to sip slowly when you let the aromatic steam whisk you away to a winter's night in Kyoto. The recipe is really very simple and there are several ingredient combinations offered in the book including mushrooms, tofu and yuzu peel, a different version with corn, tomatoes and zucchini, kabocha squash and onions, or how about cherry tomatoes, wakame, and tofu, broccolini and cauliflower, or a medley of roots, tofu and konnyaku. This basic miso soup recipe can be made with any of those combinations or frankly any combinations that you fancy if you want to get inventive in the kitchen. For today I'm going to share the recipe for the Mushroom, Tofu and Yuzu Peel Miso Soup just because they're flavours that I love and the soup is just so nutritious. If you don't have access to user you can use lemon instead it will taste different - yuzu is not the same as lemon - but it'll still be delicious. To make four servings you will need three and a half cups or 830 ml of dashi stock. There are wonderful recipes for making your own dashi in the book but you can also buy it as stock from places like the Japan Centre, which is in London but has an online shop and from other online Japanese supermarkets. Dashi is a really important part of Japanese cooking. You will

also need:

Three tablespoons of white or red miso Two ounces - that's 57g - of mushrooms of your choice, stems removed and sliced a quarter of an inch or 6ml thick. Four ounces or 113g of soft or medium firm tofu cut into quarter inch, that's 6ml diced cubes One teaspoon of yuzu or lemon peel with the pith removed. First in a medium saucepan, bring the dashi to a boil over medium high heat. Turn the heat down to low to maintain a low simmer. And then add the mushrooms to the heated dashi over a medium heat and simmer for two to three minutes until the mushrooms are as you'd like them. Then add the tofu and continue simmering just until heated that's about one minute. Then dilute the miso in a small bowl using quarter of a cup or 60ml of the dashi from the pot, and then add that miso mixture back into the pot and mix well. Check the seasoning and then garnish with the yuzu or lemon peel to serve. This is wonderful for breakfast, but Mr. K and I often have miso soup with a side of Japanese rice for lunch in winter two. And so for this week's Get Ahead Tips because preparation can make all the difference. Now we're just a week or so from Christmas. Here's our final set of tips. In terms of dates to remember, the 18th of December is the last day for posting second class Christmas post in the UK, and the 21st of December which is the Winter Solstice is the last day for posting first class Christmas post in the UK from the UK. Obviously check wherever in the world you are for your own last Christmas posting dates.

Other tips:

You might want to make a plan to carve out some time for yourself before Christmas and over what I call The Hush the time between Christmas and New Year. I actually nearly always start writing my books in earnest just after Christmas. It's a lovely quiet time when there is less of a sense of pressure, and the world is stirring gently ahead o the new year. If you're feeling lonely at this time of year perhaps make a plan to meet up with someone over the festive period or in the run up to it. Remember, almost all of us feel lonely at some time or another. Think of someone you could reach out to for their benefit as much as yours. Also, remember that you only have the time you have. Look at your To Do List and be brutal with it ditch or delegate what you can or move it to January or give yourself a morning to blast through all the remaining niggling things so you can clear the decks and actually enjoy the festivities. You might want to make a daily plan for this week, build in some walks and exercise, time for soaking up the atmosphere, perhaps some special time with those you love. It's so easy to start a weekly plan by filling in all the things we have to do, but why not flip it and fill it in with all the things you want to do, and then the things that you really need to do, put those in around the edges and see what happens. Perhaps you might want to think of a way to use words to celebrate or capture the season or to connect with someone else. And that my friend is all for this week. I hope you manage to find some delicious quiet and finish up whatever preparations you can say when Christmas week dawns you can soak it all up without the usual stress and really enjoy the festivities. I'll be back next week with our special Christmas episode when we'll be focusing on less comparison more celebration. Until then, please take good care of yourself. You've been listening to the Calm Christmas podcast with me Beth Kempton. If you've enjoyed it. Please do leave a rating and review to Help others discover it and remember to subscribe so you don't miss our last couple of episodes. For more inspiration and access to a very special free Christmas Care Package. cosy up with a copy of my book, Calm Christmas

and a Happy New Year:

A little book of festive Joy available now from all good bookshops. And for a peek into my own perfectly imperfect Christmas preparations, come and find me on Instagram @BethKempton. I'd love to hear from you there. Wishing you a gentle countdown towards a calm Christmas and a Happy New Year.