Museum Interview

Our story tonight doesn’t start in a toy store.
No bright aisles.
No sales.
No blinking “Buy One, Get One Free” signs.
Instead, we begin on a quiet city street, just after closing time, in front of an old stone building most people walk past without ever truly seeing.

During the day, it’s a respectable institution:
The Metropolitan Museum of Toys and Childhood Artifacts.

But tonight… it’s dark.
The front doors are locked.
The lights are dim.

And a slightly nervous job applicant stands on the front steps of this museum, wondering whether this was really such a good idea.  
Interview interview

Transcript

Welcome to Celebrate Creativity. This is the beginning of Conversations with Toys.

Before we begin, a quick note.

This podcast often uses satire, fictional scenarios, and imaginative conversations with people and objects from different eras. While I do my best to keep the facts straight, what you’re about to hear is a story—a dramatization—with a strong dose of creative license.

Nothing here should be taken as official museum policy, psychiatric advice for toys, or proof that your childhood teddy bear is secretly judging you from the closet.

That said… toys do have histories.
They do carry memories.
And sometimes, at least in our imagination, they have a few things they’d like to say.

I’m George Bartley… now let’s have some fun.

[SOUND: Nighttime city ambience—distant traffic, a faint siren far away, a light breeze. Footsteps approach on a sidewalk.]

Our story tonight doesn’t start in a toy store.
No bright aisles.
No sales.
No blinking “Buy One, Get One Free” signs.
Instead, we begin on a quiet city street, just after closing time, in front of an old stone building most people walk past without ever truly seeing.

During the day, it’s a respectable institution:
The Metropolitan Museum of Toys and Childhood Artifacts.

But tonight… it’s dark.
The front doors are locked.
The lights are dim.

And a slightly nervous job applicant stands on the front steps of this museum, wondering whether this was really such a good idea.  

He speaks:

Hello my name is Ebeneezer Smith, and I just just moved to the big city from the south, need a job, and I saw an opening for a night watchmen. I like to sleep in the day and be awake at night, so this job might be perfect.

[SOUND: Footsteps slow and stop.]

I need to check the time of this interview - it looks like I'm very, very late.
Well… it’s just a night job. How weird can a toy museum be?  Ah, this must be one of those old buzzers.

[Beat. Then the click of an intercom.]

Yes?  This is the director.  Hopefully you are applying for the night watch position.

Yes this is Ebeneezer Smith.  I am definitely here regarding the night watch position.

Great! You sound like exactly the kind of person we want at this toy museum. Please do come in.

[SOUND: Heavy door unlocking, then opening with a low creak. Street sounds diminish as we step inside.].  Footsteps

[SOUND: Footsteps approach from down a hallway.]

Then you must be you must be Mr. Smith?

Yes—hi. That’s me.

I’m Dr. Harrow, director of collections.
Thank you for coming in at this… somewhat unusual hour.

Thank you for agreeing to see me at this… somewhat unusual hour.

(chuckles)
It’s the best way to interview anyone who might be walking these halls alone at night.
Daytime is a different planet.

[SOUND: They walk slowly—soft echoing footsteps.]

Let me show you around very briefly. Here the ticket counter, and here is the gift shop. As you can imagine our gift shop is one of the most important parts of the museum because of the revenue it provides. But right now you can't see much except for plush animals peering out from behind a pulled security gate. And the main staircase leads up to galleries full of quiet glass cases.

DIRECTOR:
So, Mr. Smith.
You’re interested in spending your nights in a toy museum.

Well… someone has to keep an eye on the teddy bears.

You’d be surprised how many applicants think this job is going to be nothing but boredom and scrolling on their phones.
We are looking for something a little more… intentional.

Intentional how?

Let me ask you a few questions.
Do you mind long stretches of quiet?

Honestly, I prefer it. I’ve always been more of a night owl than a morning person. If the sun’s up, I’m already behind.

Good. That helps.

Do you like history?

Yes.  I am extremely interested in history.

Great! And the more and more you work here, you will find out how much a love of history means in the understanding of toys. 
And one more:
How do you feel about things that seem… alive even when you know they’re not?

You mean like clowns… or ventriloquist dolls… or my phone notifications?

(laughs again, then more serious)
I mean objects that carry memories so strong, people treat them like family.
We may not be the Louvre, but I assure you—people have been known to cry in front of these cases too.

I can certainly understand, when a visitor sees a toy that reminds him or her of their childhood.

Mr. Smith, now please be honest about this -

No other way to be …

An excellent philosophy … at night, do you think you would find yourself talking to yourself?

Well, to be completely honest, I definitely talk to myself - and if I am alone -  and only if I am alone - I would be the smartest person in the room.

There are scientists who might disagree with me, but I believe that when you are by yourself in a situation that you might encounter as a Night Watchmen, talking to yourself could be a very healthy reaction to situation in which you are alone.

I quite agree

Footsteps. They pause.

Mr. Smith, notice this hall. Inside, rows of glass cases hold toys from almost every period of history. Primitive dolls, and even stones that you would not even begin to call toys. Porcelain dolls with crackled faces. Board games whose rules have been lost but whose box art still shouts enthusiasm. Tin soldiers. A whole parade of plastic cars and robots.  Cuddly stuffed toys, and dolls with more outfits than my wife - and she has a lot of clothes.

I think I'm really going to like it here.

Mr. Smith, I have a feeling you're going to even more than like it here. You're going to realize the importance of what we are doing here at the toy museum, and see each toy as an important entity.

We don’t just preserve objects here.
We preserve habits of play.
We preserve hopes and wishes.
We preserve arguments between parents and children about what is “too loud” and what is “too expensive.”

Sounds like home.

Exactly.
Every toy you see here—every bear, every doll, every wind-up duck—was once chosen.
Picked up in a store or unwrapped under a tree or pulled from a prize bin after saving tickets for months.
It’s not just “stuff.” It’s… negotiated joy.

And your job is to keep that joy from collecting dust.

More than that.
Our job is to make sure it doesn’t vanish.
Your job, if you take it, is to make sure nothing in this building walks off—or falls—and that our little kingdom survives the night.

Now, let’s talk practicalities.
You would work from closing time until early morning.
You’d walk these galleries, keep an eye on the security monitors, and log any issues you see—leaks, flickering lights, suspicious activity outside, that sort of thing.

You’d also be responsible for reporting any… unusual conditions.

Unusual like what?

Our building is old. It settles. Pipes rattle. Elevators make very dramatic noises at three in the morning.
You may hear sounds that don’t immediately make sense.

I’m used to that. My last apartment sounded like a haunted trombone section.
 
If something genuinely concerns you, you write it in the log and, if necessary, call the number posted by the desk.
Small things—well.
We try not to panic about small things.

What counts as “small”?

If a toy appears to be leaning differently in its case.
If a miniature tea set cup has migrated a few inches overnight.
If… say… a Slinky has shifted position on a shelf.

(slowly)
Do you see that kind of thing often?

(beat)
We see enough that we have a form for it.
“Object Possibly Moved – Cause Unknown.”
Check a box, make a note, and we investigate in the morning: vibration, cleaning staff, temperature changes…
Whatever the explanation, we write it down.

And if the explanation doesn’t make sense?

(smiling)
Then we still write it down.
Museums run on documentation.
If a toy ever decides to get up and leave, we’d like to have it on file.

Footsteps! They walk a little farther into the gallery.]

Alas, here’s a case of stuff’d beasts, their fur worn pale in melancholick grace; and there, another, brimful of tin toys, so bright they look but newly forgèd.

Sounds like something from Shakespeare.

You might call me a struggling Shakespeare actor - currently unemployed - that's why I need this job!

Then I think you are exactly the person we are looking for! You know, Some nights, you’ll swear you heard something move when nothing did. Some nights, the building will be perfectly still and your imagination will do all the work. We need someone who won’t startle easily… but won’t sleepwalk through it, either.  You won't be able to idly look at something and say - All is but toys

 Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 3
Impressive! I think I like this guy! 

Thank you. I know that I can manage the job. I’m very good at being awake when the rest of the world thinks it’s time to shut down.

Now if you will permit me a moment to look at my clipboard regarding your background.  Paper shuffling

Yes, Your references checked out.
You’ve worked nights before. You seem… grounded, with just the right amount of imagination. And you did come at an especially good time.

Why is that?

To be perfectly candid with you, one of the previous night watchmen unexpectedly quit yesterday - A most unfortunate occurrence for us.

But I guess you can say that it was a lucky occurrence for me.

Yes, Mr. Smith, and I’d like to offer you the position, pending the usual paperwork and background check.

That’s… great. Thank you.
I promise not to let the teddy bears unionize.

If they do, take minutes.

Your first official shift would be… tonight.
We’ve had someone filling in, but the schedule lines up, and you’re here.
You’ll shadow our outgoing guard for the first hour, and then the building is yours until dawn.

Tonight?

Is that a problem?

I suppose if I’m going to get spooked by talking toys, I might as well find out sooner rather than later.

Good attitude.
Now, let me show you the security office. And then I must leave.

[SOUND: Footsteps fade as they move away. Music rises gently and transitions us forward.]

[MUSIC fades into a quieter, more suspenseful bed. A clock chimes softly in the distance.] Clock Tower chimes GarageBand
The paperwork is signed.
The badge is issued.
They gave me A very brief tour of cameras and switches and “don’t touch that unless it’s on fire.”
And By midnight, the outgoing guard has gone home.
The Director has disappeared into the night.
The cleaning crew has wheeled their carts away.
And the museum… belongs to me.

Gee when you're all alone, talking to yourself seems completely natural.

You know, every building has a different personality after hours.
Some feel sleepy.
Some feel menacing.
This one feels… watchful with toys that almost look like they want to engage in a conversation.

Join celebrate creativity for the next episode of the series where the night watchmen learns the secret that the toys all share.

Aquarium from Carnival of the Animals by composed by Camille Sans-Saen, Performed by the Seattle Youth Orchestra. Source: https://musopen.org/music/1454-the-carnival-of-the-animals/. License: Public Domain (composition) / Creative Commons (recording).