Why Gratitude Doesn’t Have to Be Easy to Be Real

This is the Speaking of Phenomenal Podcast and I’m your host Amy Boyle, and today, I want to share something deeply personal as we head into the holiday season. Gratitude is supposed to feel easy, isn’t it? We’re told to list what we’re thankful for, and everything will feel lighter. But sometimes... it doesn’t work like that.

The Hollow Side of Gratitude Three years ago, over Thanksgiving weekend, I lost my anchor, my north star—my mom. Since then, holidays have felt different, heavier. Gratitude, something that used to come naturally, started feeling like a task. For years, I thought gratitude was about checking boxes: Family? Check. Roof over my head? Check. But when life got hard, those lists felt empty. And it made me question: Is it okay to feel ungrateful sometimes?

A Moment of Clarity One Thanksgiving, surrounded by family, I still felt this ache—a loneliness I couldn’t explain. It wasn’t about being alone. It was about feeling disconnected from myself. That year, I decided to stop forcing gratitude and instead, I got curious. What if gratitude wasn’t just about celebrating the good? What if it’s also about holding space for the hard stuff?

A New Approach to Gratitude I wrote down not just what I was thankful for, but also what I was grieving—my frustrations, fears, and disappointments. And something shifted. By acknowledging the messy parts of life, my gratitude became real. Not the polite 'Thank you,' but the kind that feels like an anchor in the middle of a storm. I realized gratitude isn’t about ignoring the hard things; it’s about noticing what’s steady when life feels uncertain.

Finding Steadiness in the Chaos It’s the friend who checks on you, even when you don’t know what to say. It’s the stranger who smiles at you when you feel invisible. And for me, it’s this community—each of you who show up, listen, and share. You remind me why connection matters. Why telling our stories can heal us and transform the lives of others.

A Message for You So, if you’re sitting at a table this Thanksgiving and feel that ache I once felt, don’t guilt yourself into gratitude. Instead, ask yourself: What am I holding onto that I need to let go of? Gratitude doesn’t mean pretending life is perfect. It means being honest about where you are and finding beauty in the cracks.

Gratitude doesn’t have to be loud or perfect. Sometimes, it’s a quiet breath, a steady heartbeat, or the courage to keep showing up. This Thanksgiving, I invite you to hold space for both the gratitude and the grief—the joy and the struggle. Because when you do, you’ll find something beautiful in life’s messiness. Thank you for being part of this Speaking of Phenomenal journey. Your presence, your trust, and your connection mean the world to me. Until next time, stay phenomenal.