#415 - A New Definition of Success and Why We No Longer Need to Hit Rock Bottom to Create It

Better boundaries, better life. In this episode, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy challenges the old version of success that tells high-achieving healthcare professionals and women in dentistry to work harder, give more, and prove their worth through exhaustion. Through real stories from dentists and practice owners, she reframes burnout, work-life balance, self-trust, and the quiet power of letting go of what no longer fits.

This episode is for the provider who cares deeply, leads with heart, and still wants a life that feels full outside the white coat. If success has started to feel too heavy, this one may help you loosen your grip. Stop carrying the rope that was never yours to hold.

Show notes:
(2:57) The dentist who stopped forcing it
(5:47) Success programming starts to break
(8:13) Letting go of the rope
(13:44) You are more than work
(18:46) Women saying no more
(25:12) What no longer serves you
(28:23) Outro

_______________________

IMPORTANT LINKS:

Empower Her Retreat:
Dates: October 1–4, 2026
Location: Taos, New Mexico
Website: empowerherretreat.org

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Email: tarryn@drtarrynmaccarthy.com

Book a call with Tarryn:
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Transcript

Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy

(0:01) Welcome to the Business of Happiness podcast. (0:05) It's your host, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy. (0:08) And this is the podcast where we put happiness first.(0:14) I help high achieving, deeply passionate healthcare professionals like you rediscover their happiness and their freedom. (0:23) Join me in conversations with experts to uncover our unique definition of happiness and answer the question, is there really such a thing as work-life balance? (0:35) If you've heard yourself saying, you know, I'll be happy when?(0:41) Well, my friend, the time is now. (0:44) Time to step out of the busyness of your life and time to step into the business of happiness. (0:54) Hello and welcome back to the business of happiness.(0:58) I'm your host, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy. (1:01) And I'm so excited to be here today because guys, it's happening. (1:05) It's happening in real time in our culture, in our world and in your life.(1:12) And I know you feel it. (1:14) It is happening. (1:16) We are shifting in real time, our definition of success.(1:21) And it's not just a dream anymore. (1:23) It is happening everywhere you look. (1:28) The old structures are falling down.(1:31) The old ideology of what success is, is crumbling. (1:36) And we are stepping into a new era and understanding a deeper, more heartfelt, more self-trusting space. (1:46) It is uncomfortable.(1:47) It is wild. (1:48) Things are shaking up. (1:49) People are getting very uncomfortable in these changes, but it's happening.(1:54) And I know you know what I'm talking about. (1:56) The definition of success is changing. (2:00) And if you're listening to this podcast, I know you are a part of this.(2:04) And I'm using this episode to celebrate you because you are on the front lines. (2:10) You are on the front wave of this new definition because you have felt for a very long time that burnout and exhausting yourself and giving yourself to everyone else, losing the opportunity to actually participate in a fulfilling and well-rounded and open-hearted life, feeling drained and emotionally disconnected, is no longer the way. (2:39) And you've felt this for a long time.(2:41) And so I'm celebrating you because there is nothing wrong with you. (2:46) You are, in fact, on the front lines of shifting that definition of success. (2:53) What the hell am I talking about?(2:55) Let me share with you. (2:57) I had a wonderful tea with a wonderful friend who I hadn't spoken with in years. (3:04) She's a dentist.(3:05) She owns her own practice. (3:06) She's a lovely human being. (3:08) She's in her 50s.(3:09) And she said to me, you know, Taryn, I don't know if it's midlife. (3:14) I don't know if it's getting to a point in my life where I just don't give a damn anymore. (3:19) I stopped taking insurance.(3:21) I don't give a damn. (3:22) I stopped worrying about the fact that I can't find a hygienist. (3:26) I don't give a damn.(3:27) I stopped trying to contort myself to be available for every patient at every hour of the day and on the weekends. (3:35) I don't give a damn. (3:36) And guess what?(3:37) Things are going so much better in my life. (3:40) My business is doing better than it ever has. (3:43) I'm feeling better in my body than I ever have.(3:46) My relationships are in such a better place. (3:50) I stopped giving a damn. (3:53) And I don't know if it's midlife.(3:54) She kept saying it must be midlife where I just don't try to force myself to be something somebody else wants me to be. (4:01) I'm just being who I am. (4:02) I just don't care anymore about what other people think.(4:07) Hold that thought right there, that story. (4:10) I'm going to share with you another story. (4:13) I was at an event, another dentist, a gentleman, and I was talking to him.(4:19) He's also probably in his 50s, and he was reflecting on a new partner, a younger partner who has joined the practice, bought into the practice. (4:27) And he said, Taryn, I don't know what it is about these young people. (4:33) They don't give a damn.(4:35) They, so fascinating that he used the same language, by the way, I'm so frustrated with her because she came in, and she wants to go for a walk at lunch. (4:47) At 5.01, she's out the door, and I had to sit her down the other day, and I said, you have got to hang out more. (4:55) You have to be here during lunch.(4:57) You have to be listening to conversations with the staff. (5:00) You've got to look like you care a little bit more. (5:03) And she was very nice.(5:05) She's got this great personality, and she said, I really do care. (5:08) I care so much about our staff, and I really do care about our patients, and I'm so grateful to be a part of this practice, and I really care about taking care of me so that I can be the best for them possible. (5:22) And that's actually why I take care of me is because I care so deeply.(5:27) And he was saying to me, he's like, Taryn, she just doesn't get it. (5:30) She just doesn't get that you've got to put in the hard work. (5:32) You've got to stay late.(5:34) You've got to do the things that I've done my whole career, and that's why I'm so successful. (5:40) And I realized when he was telling me the story, guys, it's not about midlife. (5:47) It's not even about the younger generation.(5:50) I'm using air quotes here. (5:52) The younger generation who has different values or different ideas of success or willingness or not willingness to work. (6:01) It is a global shift that we're experiencing in a very real way where we realize the old definition of success was a programming.(6:15) Isn't that so interesting? (6:17) Isn't it so interesting how we bought in for a very long time that in order to be successful, you had to burn yourself down to the ground and the realization is coming full circle of what we are no longer willing to tolerate. (6:37) And it's not about not giving a damn.(6:39) It's about recognizing your power to let go of the programming. (6:45) That's it. (6:47) That is it.(6:48) And simply by listening to the Business of Happiness podcast, I know you're recognizing it in your own life and I am celebrating you because this is how we shift the programming. (7:01) This is how we let go. (7:03) And, you know, I love this analogy.(7:07) I use it all the time in coaching and it is such a valuable visual. (7:11) Anytime you are in conflict with something, anytime something feels difficult or heavy, let's say it's a relationship in your life, let's say it's a personal relationship and you think, gosh, we're always butting heads, we're always at each other's throats or there's always this tension between us. (7:29) Listen to the terminology, tension between us.(7:33) There's always this uncomfortable energy and every time I see her, there's this tension or every conversation we have. (7:40) Notice the language. (7:41) Now I want you to picture the two of you pulling on each end of a rope.(7:47) Tension. (7:48) That's the tension you feel. (7:50) The visual is beautifully supportive here.(7:53) Imagine a tug of war with another person. (7:58) You're both pulling on a rope. (8:00) It feels difficult.(8:01) Every now and then she wins a little, then you win a little, then there's this back and forth and there's this constant tension. (8:08) What happens if you let go of the rope? (8:13) What happens if you stop trying to win the tug of war?(8:20) What happens when you choose of your own volition, needing no permission from the other person, doesn't matter what she chooses, she can keep holding that rope. (8:31) What happens when you just let go? (8:37) And that is what I believe is happening.(8:42) And that verbiage of not giving a damn, it's not that you don't care. (8:46) And by the way, you don't have to stop caring. (8:50) This is another thing I hear from a lot of women is, you know, if I just didn't care as much.(8:56) I was talking to a client the other day. (8:58) She said, you know, I look at this, her partner, a gentleman, and she was like, he lives such a carefree life. (9:04) He doesn't take work home with him.(9:06) He doesn't take stress home with him. (9:07) He's just happy. (9:08) He just comes into work, does his thing.(9:10) And then he's so carefree. (9:13) And I wish I could just be like that. (9:15) I wish I could just stop caring.(9:16) But I care so much about my patients. (9:19) I care so much that I take them home with me. (9:22) And I want to let you know, you don't have to stop caring.(9:27) Because that is what makes you beautiful. (9:30) It's not about not giving a damn. (9:32) It's not about not caring.(9:34) You get to hold on to that precious part of you. (9:37) You do care. (9:38) And that makes you an amazing, empathic, compassionate, caring, beautiful healthcare provider.(9:45) We need more of you. (9:47) We need more incredible women who care deeply about what they do and how they take care of their patients and the excellence of their care. (9:56) But I need you to let go of the rope.(9:59) I'm offering you the opportunity to just let go. (10:03) And not feel like you have to prove it to anyone. (10:08) That is what my friend stopped caring about.(10:11) She stopped caring about what other people think. (10:14) She let go of the rope that is the programming. (10:18) She said, I am not going to buy into this programming anymore.(10:22) The programming that says, I need to be at a certain dollar number by the end of the year. (10:27) The programming that says, every year I need to have more and more growth, 10% more, 20% more year after year after year. (10:36) The programming that said, I have to work X number of days a week.(10:40) The programming that says, I need to have a certain number of houses or boats or cars or planes or vacation homes. (10:49) The programming that someone else decides what I need and what is good for me. (10:56) And by the way, notice how much money has been made off of that programming.(11:04) Notice. (11:05) She said to me, she said, you know, for a long time, I thought I needed, she's a general dentist. (11:10) She said, I thought, okay, fine.(11:12) I'll do aligners. (11:13) Everyone's telling me I have to do aligners. (11:14) She said, Taryn, I realized one day I don't want to do aligners, but I've been just doing them because I was told that's what I should be doing.(11:24) She let go of the rope. (11:26) She said, oh my God, I felt so free. (11:28) I was so stressed out about it.(11:29) I realized I had no control over the design and I had no control over my patients wearing them. (11:35) And I just let go of that rope and I felt an enormous freedom. (11:39) Boom.(11:41) Now remember she's speaking this to an orthodontist where I loved aligners. (11:46) I mean, that was the core of my orthodontic practice, but I wasn't doing it because I thought someone wanted me to. (11:54) I did it because I loved the empowerment component of it.(11:58) I loved inspiring people to wear their aligners. (12:01) For me, that was my jam. (12:03) Notice we're each choosing our own path and selecting what works for me.(12:11) Letting go of the rope of somebody else knows better than me. (12:16) Letting go of the rope of, I need to be doing X, Y, and Z. (12:22) Whatever you choose, whatever your choices, that is up to you, but only you know what it is.(12:32) There are times in my life where I worked through lunch and I loved it. (12:38) It energized me. (12:41) And there are times in my life where I realized this is really depleting me.(12:45) And I need to put some clear boundaries on taking time for my lunch. (12:51) I learned very quickly that my nervous system requires a midday interruption. (13:01) An interruption of the stress, of the fight or flight, of the programming in order to fully show up for my patients in the afternoon, in order to fully enjoy it.(13:12) Otherwise, why even do it? (13:16) Why are we doing anything we don't enjoy? (13:19) And I know there's been so much noise fed to us.(13:24) Noise like no pain, no gain. (13:27) If you want to have success, you got to put in the time. (13:31) You have to sacrifice somewhere in order.(13:33) That is a programming. (13:36) And we are beginning to see success and the fullness of life in a new light. (13:44) Because guess what?(13:47) You are so much more than your white coat. (13:49) You are so much more than your bank account. (13:54) You are so much more than the number on your scale.(13:57) I know you've heard me say this before. (13:59) You are so much more than the DR in front of your name. (14:04) You are so much more than that.(14:07) And there's so much power in that because you get to enjoy so much more of it. (14:13) That is the fullness of life. (14:16) It's not about how much money you make anymore.(14:18) This is no longer a thing. (14:21) It's not about constantly accumulating more and more and more. (14:25) We're beginning to realize it's about how you feel.(14:29) And I'm going to say it again. (14:33) What if success isn't the number of dollars in the bank, but rather the number of hours a day that you feel the way you want to feel? (14:43) Right there.(14:45) Is what you're doing on a day-to-day basis, not on a in six months, not on a when I get there for my two-week vacation, not on a I'll push through the week and then get there on the weekend, is what you're doing on a day-to-day basis fulfilling you? (15:03) Not what somebody else thinks should fulfill you. (15:06) Is it fulfilling you?(15:10) And if you're listening to this podcast, you're among this new wave defining success and happiness from a broader, more expansive perspective. (15:19) And let them judge. (15:22) Let them judge.(15:24) Let go of the rope. (15:25) Just let go of the rope. (15:27) Let go of the rope that is telling you, that has you believing that you are less than, that you are not worthy of asking for it, that you are weak, that you're not capable.(15:44) Guess what, my friend? (15:45) You know you're capable. (15:47) You know you can work hard.(15:49) You've done it before. (15:51) In fact, you've been the hardest working woman in the room. (15:54) You know when the shit hits the fan, you show up.(15:59) You get to stop proving it. (16:02) You get to stop needing to prove it because guess what? (16:05) Nobody's noticing anyway.(16:07) They're not. (16:09) Nobody's standing there applauding you for working hundreds of hours a week. (16:15) Nobody's standing there applauding you for going out of your way in the middle of the night holding your patient's worries in your head, stressing about your team members at night.(16:30) Nobody's applauding you for allowing your boundaries to be stepped and trampled all over. (16:37) And I think for a long time we've been knocking on this door of definition of success, of shifting the paradigm in our country, in Western civilization, in medicine, as women, in this generation of women. (16:52) We've been knocking on that door and we've been noticing, oh wait a minute, my mother sacrificed herself for us and that became a definition of love.(17:04) And so now I can see how those patterns have kind of continued over into my life. (17:09) There were people, our foremothers, our foregrandmothers, who really worked themselves to the bone and they were unhappy in their lives. (17:19) They didn't choose happiness.(17:21) They chose paradigms that other people had put in place for them. (17:25) They stayed in marriages maybe where they would not be as happy as if they had left. (17:31) They chose lifestyles that were expected of them.(17:36) We know many of our mothers and grandmothers who could have been incredible businesswomen, could have been artists, could have made big waves in this world and yet they were kept small by old programming and we had instilled in us this incredible opportunity to step into our dreams in terms of success, to become doctors and dentists, to own practices, to lead our careers. (18:03) And then we also realized the fulfillment of having families and somewhere in there we got really overdosed with needing to give, give, give to our kids, to our careers, to society, to shape-shift our bodies, to please other people. (18:24) And for a long time we've been kind of asking that question, where's the work-life balance?(18:31) That was like a long time we were asking, where's the work-life balance? (18:35) Where's the silver bullet? (18:36) What is the thing that makes you feel more whole when you're giving, giving, giving to everyone else and we are now coming to the point of clarity?(18:46) And what's so exciting is, women everywhere are beginning to say no more. (18:53) I'm not willing to tolerate this any longer, I'm letting go of the rope. (18:58) And those of you who have started to let go of the rope and you feel the freedom of it, bravo.(19:04) Keep going because you are leading the new wave and it does not mean you have to throw it all away. (19:12) Nope. (19:13) You've worked hard to be here.(19:16) You've earned this space. (19:18) You put in the hours, you paid the money for the tuition, you've worked hard, you've grown beautiful things. (19:25) You do not need to throw it all away, but you get to redefine it.(19:30) You get to create something new using this beautiful, whatever you've built up, whether it's a career, whether it's a business, whether it's a practice, it does not need to look like the old version that tore you down and wore you out. (19:49) And you know, I think in the past, we had glimpses of this. (19:55) Glimpses that were not of our choice.(19:58) What do I mean? (20:00) We had moments of clarity. (20:01) These intermittent interruptions in our daily program that we didn't choose, right?(20:07) You kind of all went offline. (20:09) Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. (20:12) Go to work, do the same thing all day.(20:14) You know, work through lunch, get home late, pissed off, little snapping at your kids, snapping at your team members, irritated, frustrated. (20:22) You know, a little bit of like resentment of your patients. (20:25) These like little annoying things happening in the background that maybe you became numb to because we became disconnected and dissociated.(20:33) Didn't even notice. (20:35) Just kind of this underlying malaise, like, meh, I just want work-life balance. (20:40) This kind of like irritation.(20:42) And then someone passed. (20:47) You went to a funeral. (20:49) Someone got married.(20:51) You had a health scare. (20:54) You ended up having a very serious conversation in a doctor's office about your own body. (21:00) Or one of your kids graduated and you realized, oh, 18 years is gone and my kid is leaving and I've been absent from her life because I've been so entrenched in what I thought everyone else expected me to be that I've missed out on her childhood.(21:18) We've had these moments, these glimpses, these interruptions to the daily grind where there's been clarity of, oh my gosh, there's so much more to life than this. (21:27) Oh my gosh, there's so much more to life, to me, than this. (21:36) And we've had those moments where we've maybe made new choices.(21:42) Maybe you made a new choice and it shifted your perspective for the rest of time. (21:48) Or maybe you made a choice and then slowly over time the old patterns kind of encroached again and you're right back where you are. (21:57) Rush, rush, rush, rush.(21:59) Hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle. (22:00) Worry about everyone else. (22:01) Wake up in the middle of the night stressing about work.(22:04) Worrying about that conversation you had with so-and-so. (22:07) But we're getting to a point now where we don't need to hit rock bottom anymore. (22:13) That is no longer what our psyche needs.(22:18) We are having the realization before the cancer diagnosis, before the autoimmune disorder diagnosis. (22:27) We are beginning to have the awareness sooner when the phrase I've been hearing from people is I'm not burnt out, but I see burnout on the horizon. (22:37) Ooh, this is exciting.(22:41) More and more women are showing up to work unwilling to work through lunch. (22:47) Unwilling to not go for a run after work because that's what feels good. (22:52) Not willing to stay beyond 501 because she recognizes her boundaries.(22:59) She's no longer willing to tolerate encroaching on them. (23:03) We are now coming to a new age where women are seeing themselves as no longer needing to prove ourselves as successful business women. (23:14) You want to grow an empire?(23:16) Damn, I can grow an empire. (23:18) Yes, I can, but I don't need to do it to prove it to you. (23:21) I know like I know within myself that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to.(23:29) And I am going to let go of that rope that says I need to prove anything. (23:36) I know like I know like I know that I am a good dentist. (23:40) And I don't need to be on the Forbes top 10 list, I'm making this up, of the city to prove to you that that's who I am.(23:51) I am a good dentist. (23:53) And we're beginning to realize that that is all it takes. (24:00) The new definition of success is knowing you.(24:05) This is how I want to live this one wild and precious life. (24:10) Guys, we only get one that we know of. (24:14) And I've said this before, not me, I'm coming back many, many times because I'm having too much fun.(24:19) And I'm excited in the next life to figure out how to have fun in that one because that is a part of our journey. (24:26) How do I get to follow this passion, this dream, this pull of supporting and loving and serving patients in this way and stay true to myself and enjoy it along the way and take care of this body, this vessel so that I feel good in it? (24:47) I'm not willing to run this body down.(24:51) This is how I show up for my patients. (24:54) This is how I hug my kids. (24:56) This is how I put my face in the sun and I feel the glorious warmth from the sun.(25:02) I want this body to feel good. (25:05) I don't want it to feel run down and in dis-ease, no longer willing to tolerate it. (25:12) So I'm asking you today, what is no longer serving you in your life?(25:20) And the moment you hear, yeah, but I got to do that because XYZ, let that go, let go of that piece of rope. (25:28) Yeah, but if I don't work Thursday nights, my patients will stop. (25:32) Mm-mm, let go of that rope, baby.(25:35) You get to define your life. (25:38) Yeah, but if I, you know, it's really not serving me to have this hygienist work in my practice. (25:44) She is so toxic and she makes my life miserable every day and I've known for a long time, but if I let her go, it is so hard to find hygiene right now.(25:53) Sweetheart, let go of that rope, that programming that is coming from outside of you because your life is too short. (26:01) Your life is too short to hold on to what is no longer serving you. (26:07) You are so much more than that and you are worth so much more than that.(26:14) You get to choose for yourself. (26:17) What is no longer serving you? (26:19) Is it owning your practice?(26:22) I don't know. (26:23) Is it being an associate and you know that you really want to own a practice and have the autonomy and freedom of a practice owner? (26:31) Okay, do that thing.(26:33) And here's a really exciting part and I've said this many times on the podcast before and this I promise you is true. (26:41) You cannot make a mistake. (26:44) So let go of that fear programming too because as soon as your mind starts to say, yeah, but it's so scary to actually start own a practice because I'm noticing all the people who are stressed out.(26:57) Guess what? (26:57) There are many, many, many people who own practices who love it, who are doing fabulously and what they all have in common is they stopped worrying about what other people think and you don't have to wait to turn 50 to realize that. (27:18) You don't have to be Gen Z to realize that.(27:23) Everyone gets that choice. (27:26) Is it a practice? (27:27) Yes, it is.(27:28) Is it one that I constantly and daily remind myself of? (27:32) Absolutely, because even I spent decades worrying about what other people thought. (27:40) Decades.(27:41) And the moments I choose to no longer worry about what other people think, magic happens. (27:48) When I listen to and stay true to me, magic happens. (27:56) Magic happens.(27:58) And I know you've witnessed this in your own life. (28:00) So ask yourself today, what is no longer serving you? (28:06) What are you no longer willing to live as your definition of success?(28:12) And just that one question might open a whole new avenue, a whole new path of desire and success. (28:23) Because when you feel good, that is when you do great things in this world. (28:29) Bye-bye.(29:02) www.thebizofhappiness.com See you there.