#422 - You Are SO Much More Than The Outcome

In today’s  episode of The Business of Happiness, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy reminds high-achieving healthcare professionals and dental leaders that they are more than any outcome. Through a story from her daughter’s track meet and her own shift from orthodontist to coach, she shows how tying your worth to success, failure, titles, leadership, or parenting can fuel pressure, burnout, and self-doubt. This episode is a powerful reset for anyone ready to stop measuring their value by results and start creating from freedom, happiness, and self-trust.

Show notes:
(3:32) When identity creates pressure
(6:37) Leaving orthodontics for coaching
(8:07) Fear of failing forward
(11:15) Remembering your creative power
(13:07) A self-alignment framework to help dentists and healthcare professionals to reconnect with themselves beyond burnout and outside expectations: https://truetomemethod.com/
(16:00) Trying without outcome pressure
(22:41) Failure does not define you
(24:21) Letting go of perfection
(25:57) Outro

_______________________

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Email: tarryn@drtarrynmaccarthy.com

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Transcript

Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy

(0:01) Welcome to the Business of Happiness podcast. (0:05) It's your host, Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy. (0:08) And this is the podcast where we put happiness first.(0:14) I help high achieving, deeply passionate healthcare professionals like you rediscover their happiness and their freedom. (0:23) Join me in conversations with experts to uncover our unique definition of happiness and answer the question, is there really such a thing as work-life balance? (0:34) If you've heard yourself saying, you know, I'll be happy when...(0:41) Well, my friend, the time is now. (0:44) Time to step out of the busyness of your life and time to step into the business of happiness. (0:54) You are so much more than the outcome.(0:59) Hello. (1:00) Welcome to the Business of Happiness podcast. (1:03) Hello, my friend.(1:05) It's Dr. Tarryn MacCarthy and I'm your host. (1:08) And today is going to be such a great day. (1:11) It is a reminder, wherever you are in your life right now, whatever you are facing, whatever challenge or struggle or quote unquote problem is in your life, you are so much more than the outcome.(1:28) I was with my daughter recently at her last track meet. (1:35) Last track meet of middle school. (1:36) And she's been really working on shot put.(1:39) And she's been getting PRs and a couple of track meets. (1:43) She's been getting first or second place. (1:46) It's amazing.(1:46) She's been doing so well. (1:48) We're so excited for her. (1:49) This newfound talent that she's really been investing herself in.(1:53) And what we've been noticing is that as the season progresses, her performance is decreasing. (2:03) It's not as good as the time before. (2:06) And she keeps setting these lofty goals for herself, which I celebrate.(2:11) And every time she makes the goal so big, she underperforms. (2:16) And it was really interesting because at a recent meet, her last one, her coach said, hey, why don't you try discus? (2:24) She's never done it before.(2:26) She got a few little practices in, but she's definitely never done it at a meet. (2:33) And this last track meet, she did her very worst in shot put, which is her best event in track and field. (2:42) And she won the entire event for her entire, the entire meet she won in discus because she didn't have an identity attached to it.(2:56) You are so much more than the outcome. (3:02) The outcome does not define you. (3:07) And when we create an identity around the outcome of anything in our lives, we limit ourselves in real time, in real actual reality, in the outcome, we actually shrink and limit the outcome.(3:24) The moment we attach our identity, our sense of self, our sense of worth to the outcome. (3:32) So for a moment, I just want you to imagine what is it that you're worried about in your life? (3:37) What are you stressed about?(3:39) And notice how your attachment to your sense of self to your identity might be attached to the potential outcome. (3:53) You know, I remember when I transitioned from being a full-time orthodontist to being a full-time podcaster and life coach to women, doctors, and dentists. (4:06) I put it off for quite a while.(4:09) I wanted to do this thing. (4:11) I was doing a little bit of both. (4:13) I was a full-time orthodontist and coaching on the side and podcasting on the side.(4:18) And there was this call, this draw, and my clients were doing so well and I was loving it. (4:24) Also loving ortho. (4:26) Also noticing how all of a sudden my ortho practice was thriving.(4:32) It was fun. (4:33) It was easy because I was doing the things that I was teaching and guiding my clients to do. (4:39) And I was seeing in real time how suddenly something that felt really overwhelming and stressful to me, business ownership and managing and navigating business in dentistry, which at one point was so stressful that it really robbed me of my health and my happiness and almost lost my marriage over it.(5:02) I mean, almost lost my family and my story. (5:07) If you haven't heard it before, please go back to previous episodes and listen to it because it was a real low point in my life at one point. (5:15) And now I was really practicing what I was preaching.(5:20) I was not only coaching clients on how to find happiness and fulfillment in their lives, but I was actually experiencing it in real time in ortho and my practice was thriving. (5:33) It was taking off because I was no longer attaching my identity to the outcome until this whisper, this desire, this draw, this kind of deep knowing inside of me that my whole life, my whole life's journey had brought me to this moment of serving and supporting women dentists and doctors. (6:00) All of my experience, the good, the bad, the failures in dentistry, (6:05) the failures as a business owner, the real depression and anxiety, (6:09) the real burnout, and then turning it around, (6:12) learning how to navigate stress and nervous system regulation and my mindset (6:17) and my perspective and my limited beliefs and my subconscious wounding, (6:23) learning how to turn all of that around and then seeing my business take off and (6:28) my enjoyment and my team and everyone just thriving.(6:32) It had all led me to this moment of stepping forward into coaching. (6:37) And so this was about three years ago, four years ago, when I went full time and sold my practice. (6:45) But leading up to it, it was years.(6:49) It was three years of me playing around with it. (6:55) And some of the questions that I remember coming to me was, who am I to be a life coach? (7:02) I'm a dentist.(7:03) I'm a doctor. (7:04) I have a DR in front of my name. (7:07) I have a practice.(7:09) I have years and years of experience, decades, actually, 23 years of clinical experience and a boatload of student loan debt. (7:20) This is my identity. (7:22) Notice I was attached, still attaching, a certain small part of me was attaching my identity to a title.(7:32) And anytime we do that, we limit ourselves. (7:35) Because you are so much more than a title. (7:40) Shot put thrower, dentist, orthodontist, business owner.(7:45) You're so much more than that. (7:48) And there was a part of me that was calling for that, was saying, Tarryn, there's more around this. (7:54) There's more in your world, more to explore.(8:00) And when I got over that and I thought, okay, maybe I could be a life coach. (8:07) The next fear was, what if I'm a complete flop? (8:12) Okay, I've learned how to create a business in dentistry.(8:17) I've learned how to hang my shingle outside. (8:19) I've learned how to say, all right, I'm open for business. (8:22) And people show up.(8:25) What if they don't show up? (8:26) What if this new iteration of me, of my business, as a life coach, is a complete flop? (8:35) And this is where I recognized I was attaching my identity to an outcome.(8:42) In this case, the outcome of how well the business would do. (8:47) I remember the other fears that would come up for me. (8:50) What if this change in my life means I have to compromise my quality of life?(8:57) Meaning I have to maybe not buy as many lattes, or maybe it means I need to sell my lake house, or I need to shift my finances around a little bit, or not take that big vacation every year. (9:14) And that saying or that thought came across was, what if I have to sacrifice everything that I've worked so hard to build? (9:27) And the truth is that if your happiness and your fulfillment is being compromised by your current success level, then is it really success?(9:43) See, sometimes our success itself can be a limitation. (9:48) Because it establishes an expectation. (9:51) It ties our identity to the outcome.(9:55) But the truth is that you are not the outcome. (10:00) You are not defined by whether it's a failure or even if it's a success. (10:07) It still doesn't define you.(10:11) It doesn't matter. (10:13) It doesn't matter. (10:14) It doesn't matter if it's a failure or it's a success.(10:16) If it's a failure, it means nothing about you. (10:19) If it's a success, it also means nothing about you. (10:23) And when you attach yourself to success, it too can be limiting.(10:27) Because notice what that was for me. (10:30) My success in ortho, my success in dentistry, became my limitation when I attached my identity to it. (10:38) Wow, I'm a really good orthodontist.(10:40) I'm a really good business owner of an orthodontic practice. (10:44) What if I'm not such a good business owner of a life coach program? (10:50) Of a personal development business?(10:55) What if I'm not as successful in this next version of me? (11:01) And notice that that question immediately limited me from taking a chance. (11:06) Because the truth is you are so much more than your successes even.(11:11) You are so much more than the outcome. (11:15) And it's really interesting because we tend to forget. (11:19) We forget that we are creators.(11:23) That we are constantly creating. (11:25) We forget that what led us to this point was our ability to create. (11:31) Everything in your life has turned out because you have been the creator of it.(11:39) We create the reality of the life we live in. (11:44) Not just the businesses and the accolades and the certifications and the licenses that we worked so hard towards. (11:56) We're actively creating our experience.(12:00) We're creating the world we live in. (12:04) Whether you have a good day or a bad day. (12:07) Whether you feel fulfilled or you feel like a victim.(12:12) Whether you feel abundant or you feel like there's enormous lack in your life. (12:19) All of those come from your creation. (12:24) Let me say that again.(12:26) We are the creators of our experience. (12:29) The way you perceive or view yourself and what is possible for you actually creates your reality. (12:41) The moment you attach your sense of identity to the outcome, you are creating a limitation in your life.(12:51) When you feel like your value, your worth is tied to the outcome, you immediately undermine your ability for creation. (13:06) Isn't that amazing? (13:10) Isn't it so freeing to know?(13:13) All right, my friends. (13:14) I am interrupting your episode to bring to you some extremely exciting news because at The Business of Happiness, we are doing something we have never done before because we know that you are doing such amazing things every single day. (13:31) We know you are literally putting smiles on children's faces on a daily basis.(13:37) You have spent so many years giving and taking care of and serving and holding space for everyone else. (13:45) Not just your patients, but your team and your family. (13:48) And it is exhausting and it is time to come back to what is true to you.(13:56) And that is why we are offering the True2Me method. (14:01) We've never done this before and this is the core, the foundational method, the framework that is at the core of everything we offer is the True2Me method. (14:14) And we're putting it in a beautiful little package, a self-led course for you, a mini four-step course that you can listen to on the way to work.(14:25) It is going to change the way you see yourself. (14:29) It is going to put you back in touch with what is true to you because what I know is up until this point, what we've been taught in dentistry is to outsource our choices and our decisions to the expectations of everyone around us. (14:46) What do my patients need?(14:48) What does my accountant say I need to do? (14:51) What does my family think? (14:52) What do my colleagues expect of me?(14:54) And this four-step method brings you back to you. (14:59) This is the core of finding fulfillment and freedom and satisfaction and enjoyment and living your life to the fullest. (15:09) So check out True2MeMethod.com.(15:13) Easy to remember. (15:15) True2MeMethod.com. (15:16) And use the code POD10, P-O-D 10, to get a 10% discount as a podcast listener.(15:24) Let me tell you, this is amazing. (15:27) We have already put an enormous savings. (15:30) It's usually 997.(15:31) We're bringing it down to 497. (15:33) And with the POD 10% savings, you get another 10% off. (15:38) This is a no-brainer.(15:39) There are CE credits. (15:41) There's community. (15:42) There's a downloadable companion guide.(15:44) There are monthly check-ins. (15:46) This is amazing. (15:48) You cannot afford to miss it.(15:50) Check out the True2MeMethod.com and use the code POD10. (15:54) I am sending you so much love. (15:57) You deserve to remember what is true for you.(16:01) Now, back to the episode. (16:02) My daughter's experience at the track meet was such a great example in real time. (16:11) The thing she was putting all of her identity and her worth and her value, I am only a good track athlete if I get top of the meet, that number one seat or number two seat, if I outdo my PR in shot put.(16:28) So she was putting so much pressure on herself. (16:31) And what does that do? (16:32) It immediately puts her body in fight or flight.(16:35) And now, when you're in fight or flight, you block off access to executive function. (16:41) You block off your ability for your body to feel loose and limber. (16:45) And right there, she was the creator of her own reality.(16:50) She drove the limitation of her own reality. (16:53) Nobody else was doing it to her. (16:57) And then when she went over to the shot put, I mean to the discus event, she blew it out of the water.(17:05) Because there was no attachment for her. (17:08) She didn't yet see herself as a discus thrower or not. (17:13) She just went out there and did her thing.(17:16) And just like that, she blew it out of the water. (17:19) Why? (17:19) Because there was zero attachment to the outcome.(17:23) Isn't that so interesting? (17:25) So what in your life are you holding back on? (17:28) What step?(17:29) What action? (17:30) Maybe it's something that you're thinking about incorporating in your practice. (17:34) Or maybe it's completely outside of your practice, and you're thinking, gosh, I would love to start beekeeping, but man, who am I?(17:42) Or I'd love to start speaking on stages, but who am I? (17:45) I'd love to write a book, but who am I? (17:48) The moment you consider, if I were to just try it out, feel it out, and fall flat on my face, who cares?(18:01) I am so much greater than the outcome. (18:04) The moment you allow yourself to be greater than the outcome, you open up a world of possibility. (18:12) Because possibility lives in the unknown.(18:17) It doesn't live in the known. (18:19) The known is where we sit with limitation and lack. (18:23) The known can only be what you've experienced in your life.(18:29) We can only know what we've experienced or read about or heard about or what someone else thinks is possible for us. (18:36) And what we've read about or heard about or what someone else thinks is possible for us is immediately limiting. (18:44) Because there is zero creation in it.(18:47) The creation lives within you. (18:49) And what drives creation energy is desire, is that spark of excitement, is the whisper inside of you that says, ooh, that's exciting. (19:04) No, I'm not going to go out and throw a discus.(19:06) There's no spark of excitement for me in that. (19:08) There's no dream, there's no desire, there's no drive. (19:12) I'm not thrilled to go out there and give it a try.(19:15) No, but it's awesome to watch my daughter. (19:17) But man, that little whisper inside of me that was really calling for me to start a podcast, for me to coach other dentists, for me to lead women to finding their joy and their happiness and their spark, oh my gosh, it wouldn't shut up. (19:36) It was constantly calling to me.(19:39) And that same thing would happen to me in my practice in ortho. (19:43) I would think, gosh, I really would love to give CE to my referring dentist. (19:50) That sounds exciting, but who am I?(19:53) But that wouldn't stop talking to me. (19:55) Yeah, you could really go, and how fun would it be to buy lunch for them and offer CE credit? (20:02) I wonder what that looks like.(20:03) Notice that dream and that desire doesn't go away. (20:07) That intuitive knowing inside of you is always alive. (20:11) And it's alive in the form of desire.(20:15) But the moment we put our sense of worth or value on the outcome, we strip ourselves of that creator energy. (20:26) You are a creator. (20:29) That is the magic of your human being.(20:33) Living inside you is the power of creation. (20:38) It's what we do all the time. (20:41) Every single day.(20:43) Whether it's in the form of some artistic pursuit. (20:46) Recently I've been taking up pottery. (20:48) This, by the way, if you're watching the YouTube version, this is actually a cup I made in pottery.(20:54) Isn't it beautiful? (20:55) It's gorgeous. (20:57) The first 400 ones I made were complete flop.(21:01) If I had put my sense of identity on the outcome, I would never have gotten to this beautiful thing. (21:07) I just kept going. (21:09) Because I completely let go of the outcome.(21:15) And this is a Buddhist knowing. (21:20) A Buddhist practice. (21:22) Being a part of everything and attached to nothing.(21:28) Being excited and connected to everything. (21:35) Of course I can try pottery. (21:37) Of course I can try beekeeping.(21:40) Of course I can try life coaching. (21:42) Being connected to everything and everyone. (21:46) And attached to nothing.(21:51) Completely detached to the outcome. (21:53) And this is where it gets really exciting. (21:55) Because when you start playing with that theory, you realize life is all a game.(22:02) It's all a game. (22:04) That we get to play in. (22:06) This journey of human being on earth is a journey of being.(22:13) And we get to be the creators of it. (22:16) And that's why I love dentistry so much. (22:20) I love it because you are a creator in somebody's mouth.(22:27) It's amazing what you create on a daily basis. (22:31) And we learn so much about ourselves in the process. (22:34) You are a creator of your own lived experience.(22:41) And one of the most powerful things we can remember is that the outcome does not matter. (22:46) Whether you fail or whether you succeed, neither one is an indicator of your sense of worth, a sense of value, a sense of potential even. (22:57) My first ortho practice was a complete flop.(23:01) I fire sailed it. (23:04) Zero indication of my worth or my potential. (23:07) Absolutely zero.(23:09) In fact, it's our failures, it's our mistakes, it's our fumbles that are our greatest lessons. (23:15) We learn so much from them. (23:17) So how dare we be attached to the outcome?(23:20) Because the outcome might be informing our next level of success. (23:25) Our next level of growth. (23:28) So what is it in your life right now?(23:31) I'd love for you to just take a moment to reflect. (23:34) What are you most stressed about right now? (23:36) What are you most worried or keeping you up at night?(23:40) Maybe it's even just facing a conversation. (23:42) Once again, the outcome of this conversation has zero indication of your worth. (23:48) You're so much greater than the outcome of this conversation.(23:51) Let's say it's a complete flop. (23:53) You screw it up royally. (23:55) Parenting.(23:57) Let me just tell you, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. (24:00) You will not get it right every single time. (24:03) I say that with 100% confidence.(24:06) I don't care who you are. (24:08) There is not one person listening to this podcast that can say she has been a perfect parent or knows that in the future she will be a perfect parent. (24:16) It's impossible.(24:18) So guess what, my friend? (24:21) Stop attaching your sense of self-worth, your potential to the outcome of your parenting. (24:27) And I know that feels so crazy to say because that's like where the stakes are the highest, right?(24:33) We put so much value on our parenting, so much value on the excellence of our work as dentists, so much value on the excellence of our leadership and our ability to communicate. (24:44) Guess what, my friend? (24:45) You're going to make mistakes, and that's a great thing.(24:50) That's a great thing. (24:52) And the moment you can accept that you are so much more than the outcome, life starts getting fun again. (25:00) We start realizing this is all just a game.(25:04) It is, and it's okay because we're constantly learning and growing if you choose to see it that way. (25:13) So go ahead and give it a try. (25:15) Give it your best shot.(25:17) And laugh when things don't turn out the way. (25:21) Cry if it feels heavy and sad. (25:24) Yes, all of the emotions are relevant.(25:26) They're all opportunities to learn more about yourself. (25:30) But know this, you are so much more than the outcome. (25:38) And when you can recognize that and honor that, notice how it shifts the way you perceive yourself.(25:48) Notice how it shifts your energy, your motivation to give it a try. (25:53) Notice how it shifts your perception. (25:59) Notice how it makes you feel a little bit better.(26:02) Because when you feel good, you know what I'm about to say, when you feel good, that is when you can do good. (26:13) Bye-bye. (26:16) Thank you for listening to the Business of Happiness podcast.(26:20) If this episode brought you new perspective and value, I invite you to subscribe so that you catch all upcoming episodes and leave us a review. (26:30) And if you know of a friend or colleague who could benefit from this perspective, share this episode with them and empower their day. (26:37) For more information about the Business of Happiness and the Radical Happiness for Practitioners course, find me on www.thebizofhappiness.com.(26:49) See you there.