Episode 22 is another shorter bonus episode of the podcast.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this episode is a deep dive into shining a light on mental health issues, specifically depression.
Chris Cornell was an extremely talented, versatile, and successful musician for more than 25 years. In the early morning hours of May 18, 2017 after a show with his band Soundgarden he took his own life in his hotel room. This death affected me more than any celebrity death since Kurt Cobain in 1994. It was because of how close to home his battles with depression struck.
I share some of who Chris Cornell was but then interlace it with some basic facts and myths about dealing with mental health and some of the stigmas that go along with it.
This episode will be topped off as I reveal some of my own personal experiences battling depression. How it feels, how I coped, and what ultimately saw me through it.
I feel this is also topical as Covid related mental health issues have been plaguing so many over the last year-plus.
Be sure to check out my livestreams called Without A Map Friday's at 8pm on Instagram which serve as a sort of postgame show for the podcast. Find them on IGTV and YouTube after they've finished.
Helpful Links from this Episode
Listen to Episode 21 here.
Episode 22 is another shorter bonus episode of the podcast.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this episode is a deep dive into shining a light on mental health issues, specifically depression.
Chris Cornell was an extremely talented, versatile, and successful musician for more than 25 years. In the early morning hours of May 18, 2017 after a show with his band Soundgarden he took his own life in his hotel room. This death affected me more than any celebrity death since Kurt Cobain in 1994. It was because of how close to home his battles with depression struck.
I share some of who Chris Cornell was but then interlace it with some basic facts and myths about dealing with mental health and some of the stigmas that go along with it.
This episode will be topped off as I reveal some of my own personal experiences battling depression. How it feels, how I coped, and what ultimately saw me through it.
I feel this is also topical as Covid related mental health issues have been plaguing so many over the last year-plus.
Be sure to check out my livestreams called Without A Map Friday's at 8pm on Instagram which serve as a sort of postgame show for the podcast. Find them on IGTV and YouTube after they've finished.
Helpful Links from this Episode
Listen to Episode 21 here.
Hello World. And welcome to a special bonus edition of the in my footsteps podcast. This will be episode 22. This is the second in the series of shorter bonus episodes that I'm going to be doing for the podcast. Hopefully, you'll enjoy these they're smaller and bite-sized. Basically, the idea was I get a certain amount of minutes per month to use for the podcast on the hosting service I have. And I had been noticing that I've been having minutes left over at the end of each cycle and they don't roll over. So I started thinking it was a waste to not use them. So now I'm starting to use them. These particular podcast episodes are going to be deeper dives into one particular subject. A couple of weeks ago, I did an episode totally dedicated to my grandpa and his life. That was episode 20. And let me know when this is done. Or if you hear any of the other ones. If there's any topics you might like me to do a deep dive into definitely shoot me an email at Christopher setterlund@gmail.com or find me all over social media. This particular episode is something that I actually had planned to do next month. But the timing seems better to do it for May because May is Mental Health Awareness Month. So it makes more sense to do a deep dive into mental health in May when it's Awareness Month rather than next month. And it won't make sense. And I felt this episode was also appropriate at this time. Because I'm sure a lot of you out there I say it at the end of every podcast episode to take care of your mental health. And it means a lot dealing with COVID for more than a year. I think a lot of people are dealing with mental health issues of being either on lockdown for weeks or out of work or having family members sick or not being able to see family members and just the sense of uncertainty. And yeah, I know mental health can come with a stigma from some people that are just ignorant. But I'm hoping that you know shining a little bit of a light on it makes it easier for those dealing with it to talk about it and easier for those that are hearing from others about it to process it rather than just saying ooh, it's you're depressed. That's stupid. It's like unless you go through it, you don't know. And I hope by the time I get done with this episode, you'll have a clearer view. And I'm going to share a few my own experiences battling depression because that's kind of why I'm doing this too. I'm not just talking about a subject I have no knowledge on. So it's also appropriate. The thing that spurred the idea to do a podcast episode on mental health and battling depression is an incident that happened four years ago this month. And I actually wrote a blog post at the time at my in my footsteps podcast blog on blogger.com. So if you've read this post, you know, you can skip ahead if you want, but it's probably going to be new to most of you. On May 18 2017, Chris Cornell, who was one of the voices of my formative years in music, especially grunge, committed suicide at the age of 52, after a concert that he had performed with his band Soundgarden. So for people that are younger or older than me and may not be as familiar with Chris Cornell, I feel bad for you, first of all, Chris Cornell burst onto the scene in 1989. Soundgarden, they were part of the Seattle music scene. That basically is where grunge formed. There were bands that weren't from Seattle that were part of grunge. But if you're looking for that ground zero from where this music came from, it was Seattle. Their first album was louder than love, and in what was a modest success. Much like a lot of the grunge artists it seems as though their debut albums didn't do as well and then their second ones would be the one that carried them forward. It happened with Soundgarden, Alice In chains had Facelift which I guess did pretty well, but then their next one dirt was a big success. Nirvana had bleach which was relatively unknown until they had nevermind, come out. I'm thinking Pearl Jam's 10 might have been The only one that was a major hit right off the bat. In 1991, Soundgarden came out with badmotorfinger, which was the one that really put them on the map they had the songs outshined and rusty cage, which are just incredible. They're like, you put them on any best-of-the-grunge-era albums. Super unknown was their big album 1994. And as the 90s went on, Chris Cornell went on to do some solo work. He had done a solo song for the singles soundtrack. And it's really on that soundtrack. If you listen. Like I say he had one of the best voices you'll ever find in music, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone that had this incredible range like he did. If you can find the single soundtrack and find the song birth ritual that he did with Soundgarden on that his voice is incredible. So he did solo work at the turn of the 21st century. Then he formed Audioslave with members of Rage Against the Machine. They had three albums that were successful. Later on. He reunited Soundgarden, while doing solo work, his last album that he released while he was alive, a higher truth was awesome. It's like he was evolving into an old folk singer. As he got on towards his 50s. He was on tour with Soundgarden, when, after performing a show in Detroit, he went back to his hotel room and committed suicide by hanging. And the music world was in shock. I was in shock when it comes to depression and mental health. The funny thing is that a lot of people can disguise it. You can disguise depression as just not being interested or being tired or saying you're sick, oh, I have a cold, I don't want to go hang out with anyone. For me, I look at it as depression doesn't care who you are. You look at someone like Chris Cornell, who was one of the most successful musicians of the 90s into the 2000s. And depression doesn't care that you led one of the biggest grunge groups, and then you continued your career for you know, 30 years, it doesn't care. It makes it even eerier to go and listen to that album. I said, a higher truth from 2015. Because there are some lyrics to songs now where you go back over them with a fine tooth comb and say, Wow, that's kind of weird that he wrote that. Chris Cornell's death hit me harder than any celebrity death since Kurt Cobain. And that's I mean, I've mentioned that several times on the podcast. And it's kind of up there with Robin Williams, as far as not believing that they could be depressed. You look at someone and say, Wow, what a great life they have, how could they be depressed, but it's not a choice. It's things that happen in life can just bring it on. And you that's what's happened to me before. Now granted, Chris Cornell had had public battles with drugs, including going into rehab in 2002. And at the time of his death, he had a prescription for Ativan, which is used a lot as an anti anxiety medication for recovering addicts. And that becomes a big thing when it comes to mental health and depression, that substance abuse can sometimes go hand in hand and exacerbate it and make it harder to deal with. But above all else, when it comes to Chris Cornell, and his battles with depression and drug addiction, the bottom line is he was a brilliant musician that defined a large part of my childhood and teenage hood and further on, and he left behind a family. That's the other thing is that he left behind a wife and three kids. So that's the big thing to take away from it. For me it hit home because of my dealings with depression. And it also hit home because it reinforced the statement that depression doesn't care who you are. So let's dive a little bit into mental health myths and facts. For those that are not as familiar or maybe haven't dealt with it. I would assume that most people know someone that has dealt with some sort of mental health issue, even if you don't know it. These facts I'm about to give you are straight from mental health.gov. So you can go and see them for yourself. The big thing that I've been trying to say is that mental health issues are more common than you think. This is from 2014. One in five American adults has experienced a mental health issue one in five, one in 10, young people experienced a period of major depression, and one in 25 Americans lived with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or major depression that leads to suicide being the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, accounting for the loss of more than 41,000 American lives each year. That's more than double the number loss to homicide and part of the stigma that comes with depression. Shouldn't or some sort of other mental health issue is people thinking that you're crazy and crazy leads to violence. But in reality, most people with mental illness are not violent. And only three to 5% of violent acts can be attributed to individuals living with a serious mental illness. In fact, people with severe mental illnesses are over 10 times more likely to be the victims of violent crime, rather than the ones perpetrating it. A big myth and I've brought it up a couple of times is that mental health problems can be caused by personality, weakness, or character flaws. And that people with mental health problems can snap out of it if they try hard enough. But the fact is, mental health problems have nothing to do with being lazy or weak. Many people need help to get better. And a lot of the factors, it's biological factors, genes, physical illness, life experiences, trauma, or a history of abuse. And these people, a lot of them, you know, you get therapy and self-help can help you. But friends of loved ones can also make a big difference. The fact is only 44% of adults with diagnosable mental health problems and less than 20% of children and adolescents receive the necessary treatment. And the thing is, when it comes to people with mental illness with depression, it doesn't take a lot, a little goes a long way, just reaching out, letting them know you're there to help helping them access mental health services, learning and sharing the facts about mental health. And most of all, you know, treat them with respect and refuse to define them by their diagnosis or using labels such as crazy, that's the big stigma, especially those dealing with it. When you deal with depression, you're not insane, you're quite aware of the world going on around you and you know, something's not right. But the big fear is people are going to see it. I've had that problem. And obviously, there's way more information at mental health.gov. If you know anyone that is battling with mental illness, depression, or suicidal thoughts, check out the website, send them to the website. It doesn't take much effort to be there for people when they need you. But it does take effort you have to do something. I'm going to tell you a few my personal experiences battling depression, and kind of what got me out of those bad places. But first, I want to spread a little love and share a message about Wear your wish.
Summer is right around the corner. What better way to celebrate the oncoming of summer than by adding something great to your wardrobe by going to wear your wishes.com Since its launch back at the end of February products have been flying off the shelves on the website, but it's so much more than hoodies and joggers and sweatpants. There's new stuff coming. So you've always got to make sure to go back and check the website. shoot an email to Katie marks the owner, and find out about what's coming up. I can share with you some new things coming including towels, pillows and throws, and new apparel. There's a new logo coming that I've seen that is amazing. But the big thing is coming near the end of June right in time for the launch of summer is the mermaid collection a jewelry line. Sterling Silver necklaces, bracelets and rings for mermaid wishes and starfish kisses. There's a cube necklace an anklet, a paper airplane bracelet. These are all coming soon to the website. So get ready. And like I said if you go to the website and you see something you like it is not there. It's sold out. It will be back on the shelves where your wish has been doing some great work. It's a sign of success. And we're all very proud of the work that Katie has done. She's a 12th generation Cape Cotter, so a lot of that stuff you locals wear your wishes as local as it gets. So get ready for summer. Check out the clothing and apparel and accessories that were your wishes.com Where your wish, check it out. It's got everything you need for summer coming up. So definitely remember, check out where your wishes.com My sister Kate has done an amazing job with her company and she deserves all the praise she's getting.
Now I want to take you a little bit deeper into my own experiences with depression. Hopefully this will help it relate to you. I know speaking of general facts from mental health.gov And speaking of Chris Cornell and his death, you can't relate but me. I'm just a regular guy. So hopefully hearing my stories will make it hit home a little more. I had gone to therapy as a child before I think I was in fourth grade and had some therapy sessions just because my parents divorced when I was a kid, I was like four years old. So I think that was a help. But as far as the first major event that kind of gave me that feeling that would be depression was after my relationship ended with my high school girlfriend. So we were together like three years. And after we split up, I lost my identity. Basically, you are with someone for long enough that you become kind of part of them. And then when that part is taken away, you got to fill that hole. What do you fill it with? I drank some, but not as much as later in life. But my big thing was changing my physical appearance. That was how I, it's like, if you don't look like yourself, so you've had no need to feel bad that things have gone south. I remember I got two earrings and an eyebrow ring and was wearing a hemp necklace, and I colored my hair, I guess you could call it a quarter-life crisis, it could be that the best part of that was that I wanted to color my hair blonde bleached blonde like I was when I was little. And I had no idea how to judge the coloring of your hair. So instead of it being bleached blonde, it ended up becoming more of an orangey kind of golden color. And it just looked terrible. There's a photo that is very popular in my family of me and my sister Kate, with me with a little bit of like curly, wavy hair, but it's that orangey color. And I've got this belly sticking out from drinking a lot of Sam Adams and Guinness. And I joke I say I look like 10 pounds of crap and a five-pound bag. I can laugh about it now. But back then it was horrifying to like, Oh my God, look at me. But I use that photo. Anytime people are feeling down, I usually share that I mentioned on this podcast before about my time living in Las Vegas, and how I had gambling issues and had to come back to Cape Cod, which led into what ended up being one of my worst bouts of depression. Because my goal was to move to Vegas and live there and start a new life and have it be this great thing. And it ended up not happening. And I had to come back to Cape Cod, and basically crawl back to living with my mom, and going back to the same job that I had left in the restaurant industry. And you start to look at yourself in the mirror and say what did you do? Why can't you get this right? And that's where the depression sets in. You look at yourself and you say you failed, you failed at what you wanted to do. And now look at you. And this I mentioned something from that mental health.gov that the myth is that people can snap out of it. If they try. There were times that my job cooking that I was told, to snap out of it. You imagine feeling the way you feel anyone that's dealt with depression, feeling that way and having someone be that ignorant that they would just say snap out of it, like you choose to be depressed. You know, like, I can't understand that still to this day. But it's that ignorance and that stigma, then people just aren't educated. The people who said snap out of it, to me are some of the best people I know. Still, to this day, it's just they don't understand, or back then they didn't at least it becomes a general disinterest. feeling fatigued, not wanting to do anything, you can mask that as being just antisocial, you could say that you just are I did that. At one point. During that battle with depression, I was on three different antidepressants. And they ended up kind of working against each other. I had basically what was a GI bleed. It felt like I had drank a lot of water. But there was no water in my stomach essentially, and at one point I had to be taken to the hospital because of that. And the ambulance came and they came in with a stretcher, they had to take my door off and get me on the stretcher and wheel me out of the house. And the worst part about that was not my physical pain, it was seeing my oldest niece who was three or four at the time having to watch that and thinking of the trauma that I caused. It kind of galvanized me Where once I got out of the hospital, I actually quit the three medications cold turkey, which was not smart. It's weird. I was so mad at myself for being in that position, that I just quit all the medications, I would not recommend that. I actually didn't feel like myself again. Until I met someone. It was this girl that was just the greatest person I'd ever met. And she came out of nowhere. Like literally I met her one day and we went out on a first date that same night. It was sort of like, you don't realize how bad you were mental health wise until you get to the other end of the spectrum and you feel amazing. Again, if that makes sense. Sometimes when you're in the throes of depression, you feel like that's just normal life now. And then you meet someone and suddenly it doesn't have to be meeting someone. It's just your happy things happen that flip you to the other side of the spectrum of life. And then you say wow, I feel so Great. Now that's a big switch from how I felt before. And as I mentioned in a previous episode, I quit drinking alcohol, September of 2020. My dealings with alcohol go along with depression, and go along with the rapid decline and death of my grandfather from Alzheimer's, these events, these triggers that set off the depression inside you, death of a loved one, loss of a job, you know, loss of a relationship, these things are all common, we all go through them at some point, nobody goes through life with their hands clean. And that brings us to COVID. Everybody's dealing with COVID. And I'm sure there are a lot of you listening that have dealt with some form of depression in the last 14 months from this. So I'm sure a lot more of you can relate to what I'm talking about than I think because this was not an easy topic to broach because this is really pulling back the curtain on myself. I don't think many people want to admit they've battled depression or are battling it, and especially don't want to, like reveal those scars. But it's necessary. If I can help any of you deal with it by sharing my own personal experiences, then that makes it worth it. The main thing is to reach out if you need help, don't worry about the stigma. Try not to focus on that, focus on your mental health. Almost everyone on this planet has some sort of demon that they've battled with. And a lot of them you can't see it. You look at Robin Williams, you look at Chris Cornell, you think that people have the most success in life, but behind closed doors you just don't know. Like I said one of my worst battles with depression, I came out of it not through medication as much as meeting this incredible girl that just kind of woke me back up inside. And then when it comes to COVID, and dealing with bouts of depression with that, my little niece, Sylvie, I've mentioned her several times. She's just this little ray of light. And every Thursday I go and I visit with her, because it's almost like she's like medication. And that goes for all my nieces and nephews. Please don't think I'm excluding you. I just happen to see her a lot more because she's little and so she can't go hang out with other friends. And she actually thinks her uncle is still cool. So thank you all for tuning in to this special bonus episode of The in my footsteps Podcast, episode 22, mental health, depression, and me and hopefully, it's helped some of you that are dealing on you know, going on hard times and dealing with depression. If you need help, definitely check out mental health.gov if it's really bad, you know, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 I hope none of you need that number. But if you do, please use it. Reach out to people. Don't be ashamed feeling ashamed of what you're dealing with only makes it harder to come out of I know I dealt with that too. And I will be back next week for a full-length episode. We're going to talk about Mildred’s Chowder House, we're going to go on a road trip to Narragansett Rhode Island. And I'm going to embarrass myself by going back in the day and talking about some of my first crushes and how stupid I acted. But please take care of yourself. Take care of your mental health. A lot more people are going through it than you think. And there is help for you. Thank you all for listening. Find me all over on social media, you know where to find me. I appreciate all of you that take the time to listen to this podcast. You make my life better by checking out my passion project. And remember in this life, don't follow in anyone else's footsteps. Create your own path. And enjoy every moment you can on this journey. Because you never know what happens tomorrow. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you again soon.