Holly's Highlights
Holly’s Highlights Podcast is an inspiring and practical podcast designed to equip and encourage listeners in their personal and professional growth. Hosted by speaker, author, and mentor Holly Curby, each episode features insightful conversations on leadership, faith, business, relationships, and personal development. Whether you're seeking motivation, strategies for success, or faith-based encouragement, Holly’s Highlights offers valuable takeaways to help you thrive. Tune in for engaging interviews, expert advice, and real-life stories that empower you to make a positive impact in your life and community. Available on all major podcast platforms!
Holly's Highlights
Giving Tuesday: Holding Out Help for those leaving Polygamy
What happens when a compassionate heart meets an unwavering drive to make a difference? Tonia Tewell, the remarkable founder of Holding Out Help, shares her incredible journey of transformation from a stay-at-home mom to a leader of a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping individuals transition out of polygamous communities. Tonia's story begins with a selfless act—opening her home to a family in need—and spirals into a movement of empowerment and support. Through her personal battle with cancer and a deep desire to serve others, she reveals the unique challenges faced by those leaving polygamous societies and underscores the importance of providing them with the guidance they need to start anew.
In our conversation, Tonia delves into the cultural nuances of polygamous communities, offering a window into their complex realities. She emphasizes the importance of bravery and courage in pursuing one's mission, while also confronting the hurdles of financial constraints and secondary trauma faced by her team. Discover the significance of transparency in supporting trustworthy organizations, with tips on using resources like GuideStar and Charity Navigator. If you're inspired to help or just curious, learn how you can connect with Tonia's impactful work at Holding Out Help. Her story is bound to touch your heart and ignite your passion for making a meaningful difference.
Sponsor Shoutout: Face-Lift Embracing Hope through Your Heartaches book
Available through your local bookstores and online retailers such as Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble and Amazon.
Visit www.hollycurby.com for more information and to sign up for the monthly Holly's Happenings e-newsletter. Holly's Highlights podcast and the opinions and ideas shared within it are for entertainment purposes only. The advice should be confirmed with a qualified professional.
Hi, friend, welcome to Holly's Highlights, a podcast designed to encourage, inspire and equip you to intentionally live your life full of purpose. I'm your host, holly Kirby, motivational speaker, leadership cultivator, marketing strategist and personal cheerleader. Let's check out today's highlights. When we think of the holidays for many of us, we get so excited, but for some, thanksgiving, christmas, even New Year's, reminds people of hardships such as financial strains, broken relationships, even loss of loved ones. Might I suggest gifting a copy of the book Facelift Embracing Hope Through your Heartaches to friends, family, neighbors, your book club, networking groups or even as teacher gifts. Facelift is available through local bookstores and even online retailers such as Target, walmart, barnes, noble and Amazon. You'll not only be encouraging those you give a copy of Facelift to, but also making a positive impact in the lives of those affected by cancer, as a portion of the proceeds of Facelift go directly to Huntsman Cancer Foundation in the fight against cancer. Need to order 30 or more books for an upcoming event or book club? Connect with me directly at hello at hollykirbycom for bulk discount information through the publisher Coiler Books. This Christmas, give a gift of hope by giving a copy of Facelift to everyone on your Christmas list.
Speaker 1:Today I have the pleasure of being joined by Tanya Toole, founder of Holding Out Help. I met Tanya years ago through a community outreach opportunity and I was floored by her passion, her kindness and, of course, her heart. She is one of those rare women who draws you in through her sweet smile and gracious welcoming, one who truly makes each and every one she encounters feel seen and like they belong. I think Tanya can help each of us today learn and grow, and how to harness our passions and fuel them into a purposeful, intentional outcome in serving others and making a positive impact in our community. Welcome, Tanya. Thank you for investing your time with us today.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for having me, holly. You're so kind with all your sweet words, because I think the same about you. Oh, I just adore you.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Well, we're going to dive right in. There's so much to cover. As I intentionally didn't share much about holding out help as a prelude to our time together, I'd rather have our listeners learn or hear directly from you on what it is and how it got started.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question, Holly. You know 18, I would say. Years ago roughly, we got an email from a pastor that just said hey, there is a family of six in need and we know you have a basement you're not using. Would you be willing to take them in? And they're from polygamy, by the way. So my husband and I we prayed about it, we talked about it with our three young girls and we're like this is something that we can do. We look at our assets as God's assets, not ours. And so we took in this family of six, and it was not long after that.
Speaker 2:We were just kind of shocked at what was happening in the state of Utah.
Speaker 2:It's kind of spread throughout the United States but just what was happening in the name of God, that was just so concerning, and I think my husband and I have always lived under the premise of our job is really to love and to serve all people.
Speaker 2:And so when we got them in you know religious freedom, we didn't judge at all, and starting to hear some of the oppression that was happening was really, I guess, discouraging. And so we had them in our home for only a couple months. That was our shortest stint. And then the word kind of got out throughout our community and we kind of became the Underground Railroad in Utah, and so our house was full for three years straight. At one point, I think, we had two families, which was 16 people, 12 children in our home and really at that point we just felt like something more needed to be done, and so we started holding out help in 2008 and just started reaching out to neighbors, churches, businesses, really anybody that would hear our plight, and so we've been around for quite a long time now 16 years, wow.
Speaker 1:I had never heard that story before. That is fascinating to me how you got started Now. I grew up living down the street from a polygamous family and I've worked alongside a few polygamous teenagers, but many listening might not be familiar with a polygamous culture. Will you help us with some insights in getting to know and understand those you serve?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know that's another great question. I think the first thing that your listeners need to hear is there's probably about 15,000 independents, which means they're not under any specific leader, and they go to the same you know they well the same schools your children go to. They work at the same businesses You'd see them out in, you know everyday culture. And then you have about 45,000 that live in more insular, isolated communities, and those communities they believe that there is one leader, also known as the prophet. They believe their prophet hears directly from God and so what their prophet says you must do in order to get to heaven, and so there's a lot of, I mean you really have to follow. So it's set up almost like a socialistic environment where all decisions are made on your behalf in the community and then, when they get dumped in our competitive environment, they're frozen in fear on how to make the most basic decisions.
Speaker 2:I will say that a majority of the people in these communities are. They're kind, they're God-fearing, they're hardworking, they're wonderful human beings. But you have the, the I don't know what you want to call it, but like the hierarchy there where, sadly, in the three main groups, you have people leading that maybe aren't in it for the right reasons and take advantage of their people, and so that's where it gets really hard, watching these innocent bystanders. You know who are being taken advantage so, and it can look like child labor, it can look like sexual exploitation, it can simply be, you know, neglect, where they're just not giving their people enough to live off of, and so it's a little bit more. I don't want to call it rough, but it's essentially where your social environment, your religious environment, your educational environment is all done within your specific polygamous group, so they don't engage with outsiders like you and I would.
Speaker 1:Right right Now. I was speechless when I heard that Holding Out Help has served nearly 3,000 people. Are there any stories that you feel we should hear to help us understand what these people face and how important the need is holding out help is? Meeting?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know and I don't quote me on this in 2023. I want to say we served like 260 people. Last year was 325. So far this year and the year isn't over we have served 468 people. So the need is growing. People are starting to flood out of their communities. And what was your question? Again I forgot. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, you're good. Just any stories that we should hear, any stories that we should hear, that would help us understand a little bit more about what you're meeting, what the needs of the people are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a lot of people can look this up, but we did a press conference We've done two recently where, if we take these, let's say, a woman comes out with children and we go to court and we do it legally right and the wife gets the main custody of her children and they go through a legal divorce. Some of them are spiritually married, so there's no need for a divorce. There's a recent revelation that came out in the FLDS it was technically about three years ago that said, in five and a half years you can become a translated being and that means you become pure like Jesus Christ. But the kicker is you must die first and then you'll be risen like Jesus Christ in two and a half, three days. And so this was a revelation that was supposed to be acted out in about five and a half years, and we're probably three, three and a half years into it, and so we're really concerned that there may be a mass suicide. So, as their followers have been hearing about this revelation, when they get wind of it, a lot of them have taken their kids and ran, and then when they run, sometimes when the husband has visitation, they conveniently go missing or run away, and so it's a little daunting right now.
Speaker 2:I will say, when they land on our doorstep they usually land with the clothes on their backs. They don't usually have, you know, assets, money, vehicles, and so it's a lot to get them on their feet. There's nothing we don't offer. So it's important to know that we offer the basic necessities of food, clothing, shelter and safety. Then really, once they can come up and breathe, then we start focusing on their future. So that would look like education, job skills.
Speaker 2:We have a full service counseling division with four counselors and a neurofeedback clinician. We have tutors on site, case management on site, really anything that you can imagine. So I mean, because of confidentiality I can't share specifics, but because those have all been public, those can all be shared. And actually I'm in town right now. I've driven a couple of hours away from home because we have court tomorrow on one of these mothers that has had her child missing for two, three years now and they have no idea where the child is, and so we hope the judge puts the pressure to either put him in jail if he's not going to bring the child forward or puts enough pressure that he actually brings her child forward.
Speaker 1:So Wow, well, it sounds. Yeah, it sounds like it, and it sounds like there's a lot of care and resources and support that you do offer. I saw on your website your mission for holding out help, striving to provide those from a polygamous culture the care, the support and the resources to become independent and self-sufficient. It sounds like that's exactly what that group is doing. Is that mainly composed of volunteers that people can take part in? Is it a staff that you have?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we have a paid staff of 10. A lot of them are part-timers. We live on a very shoestring budget. We serve one client for the entire year for only about $2,500. Again, the entire year. And then it's a lot of volunteers, and so we have three properties and we need maintenance. Often we need yard work. People come in to do our groups, like. We have a big Christmas sponsorship program coming up on December 14th and it's run by all volunteers. We put trees up in churches that have ornaments on it and each client gets to ask for one need and one want, and this year we had 550 gifts that we are trying to fill, and so, and that whole event is run by volunteers. And so, yeah, volunteers are the key to our success.
Speaker 1:It sounds like this year is actually your largest year yet as far as those that you're meeting needs of. Is that accurate? That's pretty accurate. Yep, wow. Now, tanya, speak to the one listening who has a distinct passion about something burning within their soul, like you did and have, for holding out help. Where do they even begin in fulfilling what some may see as their purpose, whether it be to start an organization, such as you did, or to volunteer with groups or even help meet needs in other ways?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say truly follow your passion. I never set out to start a nonprofit. I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years. I was in banking and finance prior to that and I really loved my life. And I got cancer and I was diagnosed with stage four and I remember laying on what I thought was going to be my deathbed and thinking really haven't done much in this world to serve others and I was given so much as a child by strangers who leaned into my life. And so I remember God allowing me to get off that deathbed and I remember thinking I said a little Hail Mary, prayer God, if you get me off of here, I'm going to serve you boldly in whatever capacity you see fit for my life. And the very next thing that lands in my lap is a family from polygamy. I'm from Nebraska. I'm like wait, this really happens here in the state of Utah. And so I just followed. I had.
Speaker 2:I was so filled up by the very little of just putting a riff over someone's head and watching them thrive because of just a little tiny act. It wasn't me, it was them doing all the hard work. I just opened up my home and became so passionate about this cause and just knew I needed to do something more. And so I reached out to an attorney who helped me. He sat down and described how a nonprofit is structured and what did I need to get in place, and the rest was a lot of prayer and a lot of asking for volunteers to help, and the rest kind of took on a lot of prayer and a lot of asking for volunteers to help, and the rest is kind of took on a life of its own. So just be brave, that's all I have to say. Be brave, courageous, and just do it.
Speaker 1:That is a lot of bravery and courageous acts for sure, my friend. Now what are some challenges you have faced, whether setting up that organization, leading it or other insights that might help provide a more clear picture of what truly is involved in such an endeavor?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a great question. I think finances is always one right Like. You're always struggling to get money to be able to survive for the next year, sometimes the next month. But I think another key component that people don't realize, especially when you're dealing with the gravity of such devastation, is that secondary trauma is real, and so sometimes it's hard to keep your case managers long-term. They're passionate, they're excited at the beginning. Within a couple of years they're completely burned out because the secondary trauma that's happening, their sleepless nights and their anxiety that's rising up, and so I would say those are probably the two biggest challenges we face. And then not having enough of a team to provide the care for everyone. We're pretty short staffed most of the time, but how do you turn away somebody who has reached out to you and needs some hope? You don't say I'm going to put you on a wait list and call you next month. You say no, we will do what we can, and we lean in and do the very best with the resources that we have.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that the impact that you make through answering that call for sure. Now we all have a heightened awareness these days of where we give and you mentioned financial support is a huge one, right and we also look at how we support various opportunities in our community and organizations. So how can donors and volunteers be assured of where the money and time is going when they support holding out help or even what to look for in other organizations they have a passion for?
Speaker 2:I think that is such a great question in that, do your due diligence. Every nonprofit is supposed to be on some kind of a public forum that people can check out their financials. We happen to be on something called GuideStar, also known as Candid. There's also Charity Navigator that you can go on and our financials are public. And if you want to know more, like we're open book. So if someone calls me and says, hey, can I look at your, you know your last quarter of financials, we'll send them a full report. But our 990 is what it's called. That breaks down all your financials, your givers, how you spend your money is all very transparent and should be out there. If you cannot find it, do not give to that agency. And then another thing I would say is that you really want to look at how much of the dollar goes directly towards the programs for the clients, so directly serving the clients, and it should be about 80%. Some are 75. That's fine. Usually around 80% of the dollar goes to the client.
Speaker 2:Those would be the main things I would say. And then come in and meet the team. Come in and meet them and interview them, just like we interview people when we hire them. Don't be scared of asking the tough questions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that. I like that so many people are afraid to or not feeling like it would be receptive and I think that's a great point to be able to go in and just show up, see the office, meet some people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I would say if they're not receptive, run, turn the other direction and find a nonprofit that's going to be open and transparent with you.
Speaker 1:For sure. Now, if our listeners do want to give, if they want to get involved or even reach out to you with any questions or just learn from your expertise, how may they connect with you?
Speaker 2:You know they can find us on our website at holdingouthelporg. They can also call our main line, which is 801-548-3492. They can also call our main line, which is 801-548-3492. They can just Google us. We have our social media. We're on Facebook and Instagram as well. A lot of times we will post our needs there publicly. So any of those are great.
Speaker 1:Great, I'll make sure to list that in the show notes too, for you listeners, to make that a little bit more convenient for you. Now, tanya, here on Holly's Highlights, we have a signature question. If you could go back and encourage, inspire or equip yourself as a child, what would you tell your young self?
Speaker 2:Well, that is a good question, because I had a really, really, really rough childhood and I remember thinking some days like I don't think I want to live anymore, I don't think I want to be here, I don't think I can go through it anymore, and I will say trust that God is going to take those things that have happened to you and turn them into good, like that is where I learned what unconditional love was. That is where I learned compassion by strangers who leaned into my life at 12 years old. Right, all those things you can take into your adulthood and you can then turn around and change lives. So that would be what I would say is just encourage myself to hang in there, even if I have to white knuckle it, because it's gonna get better.
Speaker 1:So Perseverance and grit for sure for sure, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Now listeners, I have to share something really cool about today. Not only is it Giving Tuesday 2024, and to learn more about what Giving Tuesday is and how it originated, check out Holly's Highlights Podcast, season 1, episode 8. But Holding Out Help has had a generous donor step forward and offer a dollar-for-dollar match throughout the month of December 2024, up to $50,000. Holding Out Help's goal is actually to raise $150,000 total.
Speaker 1:Oh, my friends, if you're listening right now, would you please consider bringing hope and healing to those in need through donating to holding out help during this time? Now you may think I can only give 100 or 50 or even 10 or 5, but right now that is doubled due to the timing of this dollar for dollar match. So won't you consider joining Tanya and her team in the fight of making such a positive impact in the lives of those who have courageously taken that step and they just need encouragement in their steps to follow? Now to do this, as Tanya shared, simply visit holdingouthelporg. Tanya, you are amazing. I have no doubt that one day you will stand before the Lord and hear those priceless words. Well done, my good and faithful servant, cheering you on, my friend, and inspired by you along the way. Thank you for sharing with us today.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, holly. Much love my friend.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining me on this journey of life. I hope that today's highlight has been encouraging, inspiring and equipping so you can go out and live your life full of purpose. I'd be honored if you'd take a moment to leave a review or, better yet, subscribe. We can also stay in touch by joining my email list at hollykirbycom. That's H-O-L-L-Y, c-u-r-b-y dot com. Until next time, make it a great day for a great day.