Welcome to the For the Gospel podcast where we're all about providing sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hinn, and on today's episode, I want to talk to you about how to leave a church the right way. We get a lot of questions about this, and it's really important to talk through it biblically. Now, maybe you're listening, you're going, I'm not leaving my church, so this is a waste of my time. Hold on a second because you are going to talk to someone someday, or you have already, who's thinking about leaving their church or your church, and you need to be biblically equipped to have a rational, logical, most important, biblical conversation. And this episode will give you some really good talking points to think through. Now, leaving a church is a very common experience for people today. There's a number of reasons people leave churches. The list is too long to go through, but here's a few non-conflicting reasons. Things that don't trigger lots of conflict. Job relocation. That happens all the time to people. They move to a new place. And let's not overestimate our importance wherever we are as a pastor or a church. There are other great churches, different places. So when people come and say, hey, I'm moving from there to here, from here to there, and we say, well, there's no church like ours, yeah, there is likely. If there isn't, you know, that can be another conversation you might want to talk about moving your family somewhere where there's no faithful church. And two things. Number one, uh, are there other jobs or other options for you if there's no church that you're going to have there? Two, does the church you're at want a church plant there? Hey, that could be pretty fun. We need to be thinking though, beyond our own noses, thinking we're the center of the world. Retirement, another reason. People retire, they move, they go different places, and praise God. We've actually had some people retire here in Arizona. And you know what, as a church planter, I really want gray hairdress in my church. Please don't leave me with, you know, 21-year-olds like most church plants. It's like, yeah, we're a young, passionate church plant, and then you start praying for old people because you realize you don't have a lot of wisdom on the team. We are a multi-generational church because people have retired out here. Praise God for that. School. Lots of people move to new places because they go to school somewhere. They leave the church that you are leading or you're at, and you say goodbye, they find a great church locally. Uh, church planting, again, to pioneer new work. People leave churches all the time to go pioneer new work for the mission of God. That's a good reason. Or maybe you find a really great, similar church close to your home, and so you're you've been commuting a really long way, and then there's this new church or uh existing church where you live or where you move, and it's right near your house. That's awesome. A great community. Local. Now you can form relationships right there in your neighborhood and invite people to a church nearby. Those are all non-conflict reasons. But there are conflict-triggering reasons too. Doctrinal disagreement, leadership failures, abuses, false teaching, interpersonal conflict that ends in unresolved sin. How about a lack of discipleship? You're at a church and they just don't have a real good culture of discipleship. And you go, I gotta make disciples. My family needs to be discipled. I need to be discipled. I'm out. Love you guys, but I got things to do, and I got a Jesus that I'm gonna face one day. God bless you. See you later. You know, compromising the preaching. You might say, this guy used to bring the fire, and now he sort of just tells stories and paces the stage, or there's not really a lot of clarity in the pulpit anymore. It's sort of mushy. On and on and on. There's a lot of reasons why people leave churches and it triggers conflict. Now, in the midst of all of it, it's vital that we leave our churches the right way. I do believe there is a right way and a wrong way to leave a church. So I want to outline several of the right ways to do it, or at least steps that you should take that seem right and good according to Scripture. Now, these reasons I walk you through or these steps don't guarantee that the pastors at your church that you're leaving are going to respond in agreement or favorably. Let's be careful. I'm a pastor, and I'm sure the temptation is there for all of us to view ourselves or our logic as infallible. We're not. We're human. Sometimes pastors get real emotional and they're real frustrated because you leaving means you, your family, your gifts, your money are walking out the door, and we take it real personal, forgetting Jesus is the senior pastor. We are not. Now, some may go even further, though, than just frustration or hurt because they love you so much and they want to do life with you, and they might threaten you with divine judgment or say the protection and the anointing and the covering of this church is off of your life if you leave. You know, yikes. I know that's happened to some of you, it's happened to me. Hey, we just got to be right with the Lord. That's the key. So if you will think through these steps I give you, which are ultimately rooted in the Bible, you can guarantee that you're right with the Lord. You've sought to honor him, you've sought to love his church in the midst of disagreement or relocation. And so you don't have to get rattled by the reactions of others. You be steadfast. Let's be obedient to the Lord and the way he calls us to operate, even in the midst of leaving a church. So here's the first step. Establish biblical reasons for leaving. That's number one. Look, personal preferences are real, and we all have certain things that make us feel more at home, if you will, in a certain church, but I would challenge you to find only biblical reasons for leaving a church. Is the teaching unbiblical? Okay, that's a good reason to leave because the New Testament epistles are ripe with commands for preachers and teachers to be faithful in their teaching. If they're not, you got permission to bounce from the Bible. Yeah, the Bible gives you that out. Is the pastor unqualified? In other words, he does not match 1 Timothy 3 or Titus 1 habitually. Yeah, you could walk in that case. Is the church kind of a show and go type of church? You you just come in for 60 minutes, you're herded like cattle, you know, in and out in the American church today. You get your coffee, you drop the kids off, you go in, you sit there, announcement video, hoopla, here we go, back and forth, yada yada, you're like, all right, there, and you just go home, rush, go to lunch, it's all over. Went to church, check a box. Well, you the discipleship is lacking in that body. And if if it's not gonna change or there's no steps towards a deeper culture of discipleship, well, you may want to move to a new a different local body that prioritizes that. Uh, is the church shady with finances? Well, that's sinful stewardship. On and on and on, uh, you're gonna find there are things that are very biblical that need to be happening in the church, and they may not be happening in your church. So now you need to list out those reasons. There's also some so-called non-gospel matters that you need to think through. Maybe your church is misrepresenting key truths about marriage, the family, raising children, gender roles, or general worldviews. Maybe they're really soft on calling out uh truth and error, and they sort of shirk the responsibility to both preach the truth and warn the flock of danger. These are things you may not want to raise a family under. So you need to establish biblical reasons. And maybe you say, Well, Pastor, the Bible says you're supposed to be calling this out, you're not. Paul says, Jesus says, John says, Peter says, you want to bring some friends to the table who uh wrote with divine authority, if you will. That's the way my wife and I actually uh speak sometimes when we are having really healthy, good-spirited discussion on certain topics together, and I make a point, or she does, and we're really unsure if it's just personal opinion or not. We may ask each other, you know, you got any friends to bring to the table on that? And that means, you know, is Jesus coming with you to this argument, or is Paul or Peter or maybe an old dead guy or somebody who wrote something really helpful? You got any friends to bring to the table on that one? And, you know, I've been in conversations with her where she'll say, Yeah, actually, you know, I'm reminded of what Paul said, or I may tell her, yeah, I've got a you know, a friend to bring to the table on this. I'm thinking of what Jesus wrote or said, and what the gospels write, and and so all of that is just good and well in these conversations. You need to have some good biblical friends at the table. Theological differences could also be a good reason to leave, especially if you want to lead or teach at a lot of churches, including ours, uh, you're not gonna get an elder spot or end up preaching regularly if you hold vastly different positions than the current elders. It just doesn't make any sense if somebody gets up in the pulpit and says, you know, I was in, you know, in my closet with my prayer language the other day. I know Costi doesn't do that and agree with it, but you know, I'm I believe that. And what I was thinking of, and you're going, uh-oh, you know, this is why we have to have unity in doctrine. You you want to be careful of that. Maybe you're in a church that just is really different than you, and you're going, I can't really do much here. Well, now you're not using your gifts, and it's okay to have different theological positions. You can love them and perhaps go somewhere where you can use your gifts because you've got a stewardship, you're gonna face the Lord. So all of those could fall under biblical reasons to assess leaving a church. But here's what I would do practically before leaving, make a T chart. Write down all of the things you love about this church. Here's why. It's gonna force you to find positive things and it's gonna be healthy for your heart. It's not just a bitter kind of rail job, all the things are that are wrong with this church, and I'm out. And then on the other side of the T chart, write down all of the things that you believe are unbiblical or not in line with your scriptural convictions, and be sure to attach a rightly interpreted verse to each reason, or you have to remove it. Let's be honest, let's be humble, maybe consult some commentaries or a study Bible to double check that you're not just slapping verses on your reasons that don't even apply, because we do that. All of us could be tempted to use what's called isegesis, where you isegetically just pull a passage out of its context, you slap it on whatever you want, and you say, Well, that's what it means, and that's why I'm doing this, and then you go read a commentary or you just look at the context and you go, oops, I'm wrong. So let's be honest there. But you might even want to consider adding a third column to what now won't be a T chart, but a three-column chart, and listing all the things you're passionate about and you feel like God's gifted you to do. Are you doing those things? This is a place you can do those things. If you could get this step dialed in, you are ready to ask serious questions with maturity and prudence. Are your reasons biblical? Are they legit? Would it bring glory to God for you to move your family on? Would it bring you more joy? Would you be more useful to the kingdom? Is personal preference maybe getting in the way here? Are you running from confrontation? Are you running from truth? Did somebody confront you or you get convicted and you say, I'm out of here? This step, establishing biblical reasons, is gonna help you start the process the right way or end it before moving on. Number two, seek out a meeting with your church leaders. So after establishing biblical reasons, then you're not gonna sound crazy in a meeting or just emotional, you actually have biblical logic, you get a meeting on the calendar. Now, the whole point of church membership is being known and active and loved in your local church and loving and knowing your local church. So if you plan to leave or you have major concerns, it's very wise to meet with your church leaders. They ought to be told for a number of reasons. Number one, you could be used by God to put things in front of them that can help them. It might be sin, or they're making unwise or ignorant decisions. So if leaders who are supposed to be teachable get lovingly confronted by you with these things, you could really help them. We got to remember our leaders are being sanctified too. I'm really hopeful and grateful that people would be patient with me as a pastor, remembering I'm human. I need to rightly divide the word, but I'm not infallible in all decisions and strategy and logic and reasoning. I need others around me. That's why it's not a one-man show in a local church. God could be using you to encourage your pastor. So don't avoid a meeting. Have the meeting. And if you win them, you've won your brother, like Matthew 18 says. I love Proverbs 27 6. One of my favorite verses to quote says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend, deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Don't just smile. That's fake. You know, get in there and lovingly, faithfully, potentially wound someone you care about, and then say, I'm here to stick this out though. If you're willing to grow and learn to be teachable, I want to grow and learn and be teachable. Let's grow together. If you love these leaders and don't want to crush them, confront them in love, no matter the cost. A few more practical elements to setting out a meeting with your leaders and trying to make this happen. And remember, you want to seek this out. Doesn't mean they'll give it to you, but hopefully they do. If you've been serving, you want to let your ministry leader know so that they can cover your position. Um, you want the leaders to take you off the membership list. It's very practical that you would say to them, you're no longer uh going to need to treat me as a member or consider me a member here. That's practical. It's also spiritual because Hebrews 13, 17 now isn't in play. You say I'm no longer submitting to you as someone who keeps watch over my soul. There is someone else that's going to care for my soul. There's another church I'm coming under. And they need to know, in most cases, I would say, uh where you're going so that they can be in unity with that other church, assuming it's all good reasons or even just disagreeing but in agreeable ways. The new leaders of the new church could cover, care, uh, there could be some healthy dialogue there. This shouldn't be scary. It's actually a great way to make sure that sheep end up in healthy folds. Now, in that meeting, for those who know it's going to be a rough ride, and your church is not going to go down without a fight, and your leaders are a little bit aggressive, we'll call them. You want to write things down or record the meeting if it's legal to do so in your state. This could help you in a few ways. Number one, review your attitude and your reasoning in the conversation. You can see how the Lord uh might grow you in the midst of a tough situation. Always helps to hear yourself and the way you talk. I've done this before to myself and recorded myself in meetings and went back after and thought, ah, you know, I was way softer than I I should have been, or I was just kind of not very clear. Or I've listened to myself and thought, man, that was a little intense. It's a little much. You know, it'll help you keep your emotions in check as well when you have notes to follow. Stick to your notes. It'll protect you in situations where leaders are shady and they try to drag your name through the mud. Uh, I've seen that happen. So of you probably, it's not helpful. Controlling the narrative is unfortunately a lot of the go-to tactics of uh a lot of church abusers or leaders that abuse their power. And so uh it's also the habit of hurt and ignorant people who need some confrontation. So write things down, document things, email everyone a copy, record the conversation or share it with everyone involved, and realize that the faintest ink is better than the freshest memory. Just know here's what we said. This is on record in heaven, it's on record here on earth. You know, did we do a good job with this? This could be very helpful in meetings with leaders. Number three, set a timeline for leaving. Put action steps and checkpoints on the calendar. Make a plan. Don't leave anyone, including yourselves, in limbo. Nobody likes ambiguity in these situations. Isn't there just nothing worse than being in a work situation or a relational situation and everything's sort of up in the air? I don't know about you, but I I love clarity. Clarity is one of my love languages. If you and I just could be clear with each other, I can work with that. Even if we don't agree, you gotta love it when there's clarity because then everyone knows where they stand. So figure these things out. When will you tell your small group? How will you tell them? When is your last Sunday? You know, who needs who needs to be met with still? Lay out a timeline and then share it. Again, all of this is not done in the shadows. Share it with your leaders in really good situations. This enables a send-off party or prayer over you if you were a leader or you served significantly on a team, or just for people to love on you and you to love on them before you leave. Hopefully, you've been busy working yourself out of a job, so to speak, meaning you've been discipling other people and raising them up, so your departure would be bittersweet. In other words, man, we're gonna miss you and we're gonna love you, but we actually have you replaced already because we've been making disciples. That's a good thing. We can view ourselves then like Paul, earthen vessels, useful for the glory of God, but we're not the be all end all unto ourselves. And whenever possible, finish your commitments. I know a lot of friends who served for months in the midst of a transition from a church because they were finishing their commitment to a certain ministry. Maybe they committed to six months or a year of serving, and so they do, and they're really tasteful and classy and mature processes. But at the same time, don't drag it out. You know, when it's done, it's done. Your new church is probably excited to have you. It's time to start plugging in there. Don't linger needlessly for emotions' sake. Let's get rolling. Now, one caveat here. In cases of strong theological disagreement or some interpersonal issues that can't be resolved, it's probably not going to be wise for you to stick around. You shouldn't still be leading a small group. That's going to open the door for conversation, potential gossip, even factions and people going, Well, I'm on your side. How dare they do that to you? Or what about this? What about that? And it can get a little dicey. We want to be really careful with that. You don't need to be teaching the student ministry or in the children's ministry still when you have a strong disagreement with the church. This is where, again, we want to maintain the highest degree of unity possible and guard godly character. Now we'll all fail at this at times in our lives. Perhaps we vent one moment in frustration only to know we are wrong and we go correct the heart issue there. But the goal is to settle all that you can on this side of heaven and keep it simple, keep it peaceful, like the Bible says, so long as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. And so you don't have to settle these things at the judgment seat of Christ. Now, one final caveat, and I can defend this biblically all day long, you can too. If you are in a place that is false teaching, or there is a place that is false teaching, that is not a church, that is a trap. You do not need to be, you know, going through the normal processes like it's some great church and you want to go through the right channels, or it's this second-tier disagreement. That place is false teaching. You divide it. That's what Jesus said in Matthew 10, he would be the dividing line. You make him the dividing line by proclaiming the truth about him. You save everyone you can, you speak boldly. Those are wolves there. They are not shepherds. None of these other Christian to Christian truths that I've already told you apply here. You are to mark them with courage and clarity, meaning you are courageous and you are clear and you mark them, like Romans 16, verses 17 and 18 says to do. Now they're going to call you divisive, they're going to label you, they might kick you out, say never come back. If we see you on this campus, we're calling the cops. They might threaten you, they might cut you off, but don't worry. They're just more scared to death of you exposing them than anything else because they're wolves, and wolves love to appear like sheep or shepherds. You be on a mission for souls. You're not a gossip, you're a gospel witness, you are not divisive, you are living out a divine mandate. So let's leave that little footnote there for all of us who think, oh man, I guess I'm supposed to just, you know, be quiet and go away to preserve unity. Well, again, Christian to Christian truths apply across the board. We're not trying to nuke each other when we're family in Christ. But if you're in a dangerous place, you do your job and I do mine. That's the Jesus turning over the tables. He didn't go around everywhere throwing everyone's table over. But there were certain moments that he let it fly. That's an example to us all. Finally, speak your peace and then let it be. In dangerous situations, again, you want to warn everyone about the dangers of the church. But in cases where you have basic disagreement over like methods or preference, take Ray Pritchard's words to heart when he writes this, leaving graciously means you don't speak evil of those who remain in the church. You look forwards, not backwards. You focus on your new church, not your old one. You think carefully before you speak about your former congregation. You don't say anything that could be construed as criticism, and you're careful of even a casual comment that could stir up needless controversy. He opts for the golden rule guiding all your comments publicly and privately. Now that's a great way to go, all in all. Don't spend a lot of time bashing your old church. However, don't let Ray Pritchard's words mean that you can't answer the question why did you? Leave your other church. It is not gossip to explain the right and biblical reasons. That's why you put in the time to write them down. That's why you double and triple checked that you weren't just mad about your preferences, but you were really being a Berean testing everything against the Scripture, like Acts 17, 11 says. I've heard of church leaders, and even of course, in my old circles theologically, they would demand you say nothing. Even today, in the SBC, there's like the eleventh commandment that you can never say anything negative, and you're only allowed to paint them in positive light, which is basically lying if there were unbiblical things or concerns and compromises happening. I think if you read through the Proverbs, it can help you though, stay balanced here, to be prudent, careful with your speech, and guard your heart against anger and knee-jerk responses that are highly emotional. But you can still speak truth and maintain maturity and godly character. It's okay and biblical to say to someone who says, Why did you leave? And you say, Hey, it's a great church in a lot of ways, but there's not a culture of discipleship, and we just really are passionate about discipleship and not really playing around with being pressed in on by our church in these areas. Or you might say, I just have not really been getting a lot out of the preaching, and I'm studying, I'm learning, I'm sitting there. It's just there's not a lot of conviction. It's sort of just stories. It's just this basic, you know, good works, good morals, you know, see you later, go home. And that's not what I want. I want to be pierced to the heart. And so I love them. They're doing a lot of great stuff, but it really was the preaching for us. Or maybe you you you're out of church and you you you say, you know, for us, the the children's ministry is really just focused on them having a big party every week, and we really want our kids to be convicted by the gospel, and we this, that, and the other. It's okay to say that kind of stuff. That's not gossip. That's just truth. And if leaders don't like that, including me, well then take the truth to heart, change the culture. That's what leaders are allowed to do biblically. We're supposed to be culture setters in a way in our churches, meaning, okay, this is what's happening. It's not good. We need to do something about it. And then it'll stop being said about you. That's great. Let's do that. Let's be wounded by faithful people. So there's a lot of elements there that can be helpful, but again, speak your peace and move on. And it is okay when someone says, you know, why'd you leave? Or they say, you know, I'd love to talk more about that. You say, Well, there's not really much more to say. So again, you can say a clear answer, but you're not living your life to just drag this church under the surface and drown it. And so, unless it's a testimony of leaving danger, keep it short, keep it simple, keep it truthful, keep it mature, and then move forward. Jesus died for his church. Treat her well. This means leaving local bodies the right way, and it also means warning others when the church you left is not a house of truth. My prayers this episode will help you start building a healthy framework for staying or leaving a church. Thank you so much for listening to for the gospel. We're so grateful for your support. We're grateful for all the reviews that you leave. We're grateful for the way you guys share our resources. This ministry is about one mission, and that is getting sound doctrine out to everyday people. We're so excited to get to partner with you in so many ways to see that happen. If you're new to our podcast, new to our ministry, check out loads of free video teaching and videos and resources on forthegospel.org. Also, we post a ton on social media for you to share, learn, and grow from. So go follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, and drop us a review on your favorite podcast platform if you haven't already. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. For now, keep on living for the gospel.