Welcome to the For the Gospel podcast, where we're all about providing sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hinn, and on today's episode, I want to ask: who are you when no one's looking? Because who we are in private will come to define our public reputation. Eventually, for leaders and really everybody, your private life will define you publicly. It's an ongoing reality in our world that church leaders are disgraced publicly. Now I'm not talking about false accusation or slander meant to bring an innocent leader down. I'm talking about those who are living and leading one way behind the scenes and then putting on a different face publicly. This episode applies to all of us, church leaders, parents, business leaders, teachers, politicians, husbands, wives, and college students and beyond. You play the rule book in public, but you break it in private. It's a temptation, isn't it? You make up the rules that are convenient when no one's around. And you'll eventually pay a steeper price than you ever imagined if that's the way you take things. Genesis four seven reminds us of the predatory nature of sin when God warns Cain, Sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you, but you must rule over it. Romans seven explains sin as that which is trying to enslave us and actually is, causing us not to do God's will but to chase after our own will, to carry out the deeds of the flesh. Sin is described as a kind of living organism, if you will, not to excuse our own choice in the matter, but to help us see that it is active, living, it's attacking, it's ever present, and it's waiting for you to let your guard down. James one verses fourteen to fifteen explains the cycle of sin as temptation that is allowed to fester and go unchecked will eventually lead us to act on the temptation rather than repent and run from it, plunging us into sin and eventually death. James 4 1 goes so far as to target the heart of many conflicts when James asks, What's the reason for quarrels among you? Basically, he says, because you want something, you're coveting, you don't have it, and so now you're angry and you're fighting with others to get it. And isn't that the truth? Comparison and jealousy are explosive mechanisms that blow up our good morals and our good reputation. They blow up good relationships. Pride is often at the root of all of this, telling us that we deserve what we want and we can do what we want. We can make up the rules to get what we want. Pride strokes the ego like nothing else and leads us down a road that leads to destruction. All of that has to do with what we do privately. Someone sins privately long before they sin publicly. Leaders will fall privately long before they ever fall publicly. And so we have to begin a topic like this with that in mind. It was the great Puritan John Owen who said a minister may fill his pews, his communion role, the mouths of the public, but what the minister is on his knees in secret before Almighty God, that he is and no more. What John Owen had right almost four hundred years ago still rings true today. Christian leadership, and really we should say Christianity, is that publicly serving others, publicly living out our faith, but all of that begins with private worship, how we live for the Lord when no one's looking. While everyone will have unique and God ordained passions and purposes, there is one common denominator that will define all of us, leaders included, in the same way, and that is this, who we are behind closed doors. Had a mentor once say who a leader is outside of the public eye is who they really are, no more, no less, similar to what John Owen said. And no matter how hard someone may try, you can't fake your private life. In fact, it could honestly be argued that there's no such thing as a private life at all, only a variety of environments in which we operate. God sees everything. Our spouses know us better than anyone next to God, and our kids, if you have them, are really quick to catch on when we behave one way in public and another way at home. There is no getting around the fact that who we are in our private lives is where the rubber meets the road. And so a healthy and thriving, Christ exalting, devoted private life will result in a healthy public life. And for leaders, whether you lead in business, you lead in the church, or you lead in some other way, everybody's leading themselves. We're all the leader of our own life and decisions. This matters. Many will underestimate the powerful role that a leader's private life plays in determining the success of their leadership. To take that even further, I would say this: it's safe to say that there's no real and lasting success in ministry unless the private life of a leader is healthy. Because even if for a while you can fake it, the truth will eventually come out. Truth and time go hand in hand. And that, which is private, will eventually manifest itself in public. So what should we do? Well, I want to give you three private areas that will define us. You could add to this list, no doubt. Maybe the Holy Spirit convicts you in various ways, or other thoughts come to mind as you apply what the Bible says, and even what I'm saying in this podcast, not on par with scripture, but just as a form of putting this in front of you, and you start thinking of certain things that apply directly to your life, your leadership, your family, and what the Lord's been working on in your heart. Well, here are a few areas to take inventory of in your life and certainly in mine. Your private devotion. Your private devotion. A leader or somebody publicly is able to rattle off eloquent prayers, and maybe you can quote Charles Spurgeon and you sound smart and you look spiritual. But true spiritual leadership is ultimately defined by the private devotion that takes place when no one is around to ooh and awe at our spirituality. A leader's job may be thriving. Your friends may envy your oratorical abilities. You're a great communicator, and many people may be even swept up by our charisma, but all of that can be an empty shell if private devotion to Christ is not our highest priority. Know this a leader will not stand the test of time who does not spend ample time on their knees and time in God's Word. I would say a strong life of standing up for God would begin by bowing low before God. The best place to be is on your knees before Him in prayer. Your private devotion will dictate the rest. Knowing the latest and greatest of whatever's happening in the world or church trends or growth strategies in your business field is going to prove rather useless if you are not a leader who is proficient in prayer in and in the scriptures. You might think, well, what does that have to do with my business, Costy, if I'm not in ministry? Well, I'll tell you right now, if you're a Christian and you're in business, you have a first and primary ministry to your family that overflows from your heart. So regardless of what awards may sit on a mantle, or what money sits in your bank, or what the corporate world thinks of you, you'll stand before Christ naked of all those things. They're not going with you. But your private devotion and your primary ministry in your home, in your marriage, to your children, that is what he will weigh and judge, and your public witness based on that. We don't want to be hypocrites as Christians. We want to be faithful and humble. And that begins with private devotion in our prayer life, in the Word. We're not called to be experts on many things as much as we are called to be emulators of Christ. And so, yes, work hard, yes, be successful, yes, do incredibly well. Colossians 3 23, whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord and not for man, be a God glorifying individual wherever you are, but don't forget what you are on your knees before the Lord and in his word in private with him in devotion. That is who you are. So let's start there. Number two, not just private devotion, but your private marriage. What your home is like, your union if you're married. And if you're not, hear me closely. This will apply one day for you. Everybody's happily married on a Sunday morning. Everybody walks in looking great, putting on a smile. Men talk openly about being the head of their home and they flex their spiritual muscles with their Bible in their hands. They tell you all the stuff they've maybe done before, and maybe if they're younger, they tell you all the stuff they're gonna do. I've taught this class, I do this, I've done that, I'm on this board, I know this guy, I'm about this or that. Women will pick out the perfect outfit and they'll smile with glee, and you've got, you know, reminiscent of a woman who has a uh has had a flawless week and the house is in order and everything was great and she's so respectful of hubby and her Instagram posts are beautiful and have all the right filters. I mean, we are the picture of public perfection on Sunday mornings, aren't we? But is that always the real story? The way a leader's first ministry operates throughout the week will define who they really are, not merely a Sunday or social media show. And while a leader's marriage should be progressing and growing in Christ, which will just result in a good example publicly, faking perfection when things are not good and they're falling apart is dangerous because it lacks the diligence that God instructs Christian couples to have when it comes to working on their marriage. Some of us, we need to stop trying to look perfect and just get really honest about what's happening in private so that healing can take place. You know, the world came up with this idea, they think they did at least, you know, that you just need to confess your problem. You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step. Okay, that all started in the Bible. God started that as a solution for his people to admit they have a problem so that humility could burst in, which he actually honors and loves. Pride heads for the door and takes a hike, and now we're being honest about where we really are. You may think that leadership is looking like you have it all together, but sometimes leadership is being honest that you don't have it all together. Leading your family, leading your marriage into confession, into counseling ultimately is leading your marriage to Christ. A leader's marriage must be marked by a deep sacrifice of self, a calendar that matches biblical convictions. What do you do with your time? What are you leading your family into or out of? You gotta be honest about weakness, confession of sin. You want to be involving qualified church leaders and people when needed. You want to be around the right people. The old cliche is true. Show me your friends, I'll show you your future. Who do you spend time with as a married couple? Who's speaking into your marriage? A leader's marriage may look good on the outside, but how we live Ephesians 5, 22 to 33 behind closed doors is what truly matters. So we start on our knees, we take inventory of our private devotion before the Lord, not just how great we look or sound out there and how good of a show we can put on, and we also take inventory of our marriages behind the scenes, behind closed doors, who we really are, how we treat our spouse and where we're at. And then finally, perhaps most convicting of all, our private conversations. Leaders are constantly communicating both privately and publicly. And let's just start by saying we have all failed in this regard. Proverbs says, where words are many, transgression is unavoidable. Do you talk a lot? I do. That means that there are times when words come out that can't be taken back or edited. And so prudence becomes crucial for our private conversations. And we need to ask the Holy Spirit for help in taming the tongue. Because we tend to be most loose with our tongue in environments where we are most familiar. We get too comfortable at times, and so we let it fly. And a leader who lets it fly is a disaster waiting to happen. Many leaders will use crude language in the name of authenticity. Maybe sometimes you've been guilty of that. But what we're doing is creating nothing more than a sort of locker room mentality around ourselves and even in the church, which isn't leading like Christ and is not being an example for Christ as a witness wherever he takes you. Furthermore, many people are guilty of using manipulative language with people who work for them. They're looking to have selfish gain and get people to do what they want. Most certainly what we are seeing in the news time and time again with sexual immorality and sexual sin and the falling of leaders has to do with private conversations, entertaining temptation for far too long, allowing things to go further than they ever should have been allowed to go, not being in control of our speech. And so, whether it be sexual conversations, sexual innuendo, sexual jokes, suggestive things, these are all ways in which the enemy seeks to undermine our witness and our leadership. This is not becoming behavior of a true Christian or certainly a true Christian leader, and yet it is how so many churches run the business side of church. Since when did Jesus promise to build his church through leadership styles that are more reminiscent of corporate sharks and verbally aggressive CEOs? When it comes to frustrations, we need to be wise, not shaming others quickly. We want to replace venting publicly, which really is just gossip, with vetting, which I would say is prayer, taking things privately to Jesus and vetting your thoughts, vetting your emotions, vetting your attitude. Take every attitude, thought, and frustration to him in prayer, which again goes back to your private devotion. That's the best way for you and I to control our tongue in conversations. If you are ramping up, if you feel strong emotions, if you feel things like anger, if you're like me and you use a lot of words and you know that you can get sharp with your words, ask yourself the question, have I talked to God about this yet? If you haven't, talk to him first before talking to somebody else about it. He may help you, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to bear fruit in that conversation rather than just fly off the handle and have to repent later on. Sometimes it's best to use the phrase or the abbreviation that a mentor of mine once provided for us when we were a little too loose at times in the office as young interns and young guys in ministry. We used to joke around and we all thought it was in good fun until one day one of the older leaders came in and said, Hey, I think your jokes are a little overly sarcastic. I think you guys are pushing the limits a little too far. I think it sounds and seems a lot like a locker room in here, not a place where people are doing ministry. And so we're going to employ FHL. And FHL was few, honest, and loving words. It was referring to the words we ought to use, and it applied to not only the loose moments of joking and laughter when you're young in ministry and you're immature, but also those moments where you're experiencing some tension in your day-to-day life. Choose few, honest and loving words. Ministry is tough. Business, life, the world, it's tough. Temptation is everywhere. But leaders have to learn how to manage their mouth and especially behind the scenes. I think there's numerous other things you could add to this list and take inventory of, but I believe if you were to take inventory of your private devotion to Christ, not riding the wave of the past, not riding the wave of your preacher, not riding the wave of your family or any other thing that you might say, well, I'm I'm solid with the Lord. No, no. Do you have a thriving prayer life? Is He your everything? Does the word saturate your life? Are you, dare I say, I'm going to use a word. Maybe some people get uncomfortable, think ah, it's legalism. No. Are you disciplined in that? I bet you if you're in physical shape right now, you're real disciplined with how you treat your body. I bet you if you like a certain type of coffee, you're disciplined about using it every day. Yeah, these things are prevalent in your life. Well, if you want a thriving life overall and a spiritual life, which is the one that matters, you're gonna need to, and I'm gonna need to be disciplined in our devotion to the Lord. How's your marriage? How are your relationships? Are you getting honest yet? Are you done putting on a show and ready to watch God grow you if you will be humble about where you are at? And how's your speech? How's your tongue? How's the conversations? When you think nobody's listening, remember God is we need to watch the way we talk. How are your jokes? Are they well timed? How are your innuendos? How are your suggestions? How are your reprimands? How are your rebukes? Are you using few and honest and loving words, remembering to be prudent and wise? God help us all with that one. Now all this may sound like a tough task, and it is, which is why we depend on God's grace to be at work in our lives above all else. The seriousness of our private lives should cause every pastor, an elder, every small group leader in a church, every deacon, every teacher, every parent, every layman, every business person, every neighbor who people in your neighborhood know that you're a Christian, and every aspiring leader to remain humbly on their knees before God, begging that his power be at work in their prayer life, their marriage, and most certainly in your mouth, in the way that you talk and represent him. Private lives define public leaders. Who you are when no one is looking is who you really are. My prayer is that this episode will be used by the Holy Spirit to convict all of us of our own pride and our hypocrisy and lead us to confession and humility before Christ. Only there, in that place and in that moment, will we ever find the secret to being faithful. He'll do it. Ask him for help. Thank you for listening to the For the Gospel Podcast. To check out loads of free video teachings and resources, you can go to our website at forthegospel.org or for weekly videos and a ton of great content that will not only grow you but help you share creative and clear truth from the Bible with those who you engage with on social media. Follow us on Instagram, we're on TikTok as well, we're on Facebook and Twitter. And if you wouldn't mind, drop us a review on your favorite podcast platform. We will be back next Monday with another episode. Keep on living for the gospel.