Welcome to the For the Gospel podcast, where we're all about sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hinn, and on today's episode, I want to talk about love and provide you with a biblical framework for love. I think these will renew your mind. And whenever Valentine's Day comes around, it's not unusual to be faced with all the typical cliches about love and some good things as well. If you like to use Valentine's Day to express yourself to someone you love. But as with anything, it's important for Christians to have an otherworldly perspective. We are people who follow Jesus, and regardless of what we used to define love as in our former way of living, as believers, we now need to define God's love and love of others, God's way. In this episode, we'll reflect on the meaning of four Greek words for love, two of which are used in Scripture, but all four are conceptually presented. And the significance of each one is important for us as Christians, and we should reflect on each one. So I'm gonna have some fun here. Bible Nerd episode where we get to do some word studies on the different types of love that we see in the Bible. The Greek words in this episode are eros, storge, philia, and agape. There are actually more than four Greek words for love and different kinds of love, but these will suffice for this particular episode. Now, anytime this topic comes up and people are familiar with any of the words I just listed, it's often because C.S. Lewis was one of the first to focus on these particular four words in explaining the concept of love in a book that he wrote back in 1960 called The Four Loves. It was Christian-based, philosophical as well, helping people think through the different types of love, some of the dangers of each one, and how we can relate to God's love. So the first type of love is the Greek word eros. It's where we get our English word, erotic, and as the name would suggest, even though this might be uncomfortable for some people, it's an important aspect, especially within the confines of Christian marriage, of course, it's a love that's centered on sexual love and physical intimacy. Again, as believers, this is between a husband and a wife, one male, one female. The word's not used directly in the Bible, but it's the love we see in the Song of Solomon and described there as the bride and groom express their physical attraction and sexual desires within the beautiful framework of marriage. All in generally veiled and godly terms, of course, as scripture is always so reverent, even when it presents these type of topics that are intimate and private between a man and a woman, and what God has designed to be beautiful between the husband and a wife. But Eros love is expressed in a way between a husband and a wife. They are physically affectionate. These are moments in which a husband and a wife, as is fitting in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul makes this clear that the husband and the wife are to be sexually fulfilling one another, and they're ensuring that no room is left for the snares of the devil as he seeks to undermine believers through temptation. Eros love, expressed rightly, is good and appropriate, but it does have a dark side. As with all things made by God as good, the enemy seeks to malign God's design. So Eros love can be sinfully expressed. It can be associated with sexual sin and immorality. It can be expressed with a distorted view of the opposite sex, where we are objectifying selfishly rather than enjoying in a godly manner the love that we share between our husband or our wife. There is also a danger in using Eros-centered expressions in our worship of a holy God. For example, there's a song many people are probably familiar with. If you're not, these lyrics are in it, where the singer and songwriter said, When heaven meets earth, they're describing some spiritual experience, and they say, When heaven meets earth, like a sloppy, wet kiss. And lyrics like that may sound edgy, but such erotic expressions should not find their way into our worship. God has designed us to be people who are physically intimate and sexually fulfilling one another in marriage with our husband and our wife. Just like there's a time and a place for Eros love to be expressed, there is a time where it needs to be controlled. There are limits and boundaries to it, and certainly limits to what contexts we would ever inject with Eros references, be it in this case, worship lyrics. And so Eros love is conceptually in Scripture, and it's important for us to think about that kind of love. And certainly as we're raising children and interacting with our families, ensuring that we are pointing our children and people in our churches, if you're a church leader, to the proper application, the proper use of eros love, and the proper boundaries, when it is appropriate, when it is time, and when it is not time. The second type of love is the Greek word storge. This is a familial love, like that of a child and a parent. This specific word, like eros, is not directly found in Scripture, but the word astorgos, which is the negative expression of this kind of love, is in Romans 131, where Paul says the unrighteous have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. In other words, there are those who have no affection for their family. They love themselves, they love their sin. And this is obviously the opposite of how Christ calls Christians to love their families. We are not those who abandon or abuse our children or our spouses. We are those who care for our children. We honor our parents, we provide for our families. This is why Paul the Apostle at one point in the New Testament says, those who don't provide for their own are worse than unbelievers, worse than an infidel. What is he saying? He's saying even unbelievers care for their family. How much more should a believer care for those in need? And in that section where he's addressing Timothy and 1 Timothy, he's referring to widows and orphans in that context. He's talking about provision and caring for those that are in need. And so store-gay love is that. It is not related to sexual love. It is an empathy, it's an affection, it's a care for one's own family. And this kind of love is important to emphasize and to reflect on in a world where the nuclear family is under assault, in a world where fatherlessness is an epidemic, in a world where many men don't step up to care, provide, and work hard and nurture their families, but they may be selfish and nurturing their own flesh. How vital is it then that we as Christians are rejecting that worldly influence and the influence of demeaning the family, the old cliche, you know, calling your wife the old ball and chain or men who eye roll because they can't go golf on their day off. Instead, they've got to be with the family or be with the kids, what have you. No, as God's men and as God's people, we embrace his design and his view of the family, and we embrace the store-gay love, the affection. We love our children. We have empathy and compassion. At the same time, this kind of love has a dark side too. It could be unbalanced when our family becomes an idol or when our children become the center of our entire world. Oftentimes, we must take care that the good gift of children does not undermine the covenant of marriage. Many husbands and wives have at times felt neglect because there's too much love for the children and not enough attention given to the primary ministry of marriage in the home. So we must maintain balance. Children can be idols for parents, where they obsess over the children and they neglect their husband or their wife. And I would argue, based on what scripture presents, a higher emphasis on marriage is to be had more than any other relationship because out of a healthy marriage will come a healthy home. And idolizing children will not lead to a healthy home. Marriage is first. Children come second. They benefit out of a healthy marriage. That's why many times people will say parenting issues are rooted in marital issues. What does that mean? Well, it means the issues you're having with your children really stem back to a mother and a father, a husband and a wife who aren't loving one another, they aren't on the same page, they aren't spending time growing in unity and strength and deepening their bond, and then out of that, that flows into the children. So love your children, love your family, have empathy for them, but do not let store-gay love overtake your loyalty to your spouse. And let me add one more layer to this beyond children. What about in-laws who quickly become outlaws because they are interfering with a marriage? What about the guilt trip of parents or said in-laws who tell their married children, you know, don't forget your family. Don't leave us out because they feel as though the relationship has changed. Well, of course it has, based on leaving and cleaving in the book of Genesis and God's design for the covenant of marriage, that's a false dichotomy. They've not forgotten about their family. They're actually prioritizing their family, their new family, when they put their marriage first. So understand storegay love, its place and its application, its dangers, and how to live in balance. The third kind of love is Philia, or where you might see it used in the New Testament or spelt or described or sound as phileo love. You'll know this well as our English word or the location of Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. And there is the definition of filia. It is brotherly love. It's the love between friends who form a deep bond and care for each other. This word is very much in Scripture. It describes the kind of love we're to have for fellow believers. And so now we're starting to get into our interpersonal relationships within the church. An example of this type of love in the Old Testament is David and Jonathan. In 1 Samuel 18, we see the way their friendship is described. And their friendship was built on a covenant together that transcended even the violent attacks of King Saul, who was Jonathan's father, on David. Jonathan was loyal. He still honored his father, but he was loyal to David. Their friendship made it through all of those difficult situations. This is a lost treasure in today's world. I think in particular for men, we can be a little skittish to get close to other men for a variety of reasons. And so men will put up a front because of insecurity, they'll sort of size each other up, and they keep men at bay because vulnerability could be uncomfortable. Women in the world lean towards petty gossip and comparison. Competition will often keep them from loving freely and deepening their friendships, coveting, looking at other people, wanting what they have. But Christians are called to believe the best about one another, to open up to one another, to be vulnerable and authentic, to be loyal friends, to stick it out, to speak the truth, and to walk in love in this way. We're to do good to all, the Bible says, but especially those who are of the household of faith. We're supposed to have a special affection for the family of God. Now, I'm personally, even as a pastor, so thankful to have a number of these types of friendships. My wife enjoys them as well. And why do I say even as a pastor? Well, because many times people will think, you know, pastors can't get close to people, pastors can't have friends, you know, if people get too familiar, they won't respect you as a pastor anymore. Or if you open up and you're vulnerable about something, or you share something you're wrestling with or dealing with or trying to address and ask God to change in you as a pastor, then it's going to lower their view. Well, we ought to have a high view of the pastorate, no doubt. And there is a high bar for the pulpit. And our pastors, and this includes me and our own church, are to be, and we're mandated to be an example to follow. Well, that includes an example to follow in confessing our sin, in being honest, in growing in sanctification. When you are in your 30s and your forties and your fifties as a pastor, you are a still sinner but saint, saved by grace, being sanctified. You're not who you used to be, but you're not yet who you're going to be. And so even for you, brother, if you're listening and you're a pastor and you think, well, that's great, you know, I love the church and I love the people in the church, but in the end, I'm sort of separate from all of them. In some ways, sure, you spend more time in the books, more time in the study, and you ought to be an example in growing in holiness because you can't take people where you haven't been. But when it comes to that phileo love, the friendship, even Jesus models with these men a closeness, a togetherness, a unity, and a bond. And so if you're a pastor and you've been kind of on an island or you have this false idea, I'm not sure where it comes from or what sort of advice you got at some point, that you can't grow in close friendship with other brothers because, well, if they see who you really are, it'll lower their respect. There's two things. Number one, that's either a lie and it's not true, and you need to grow close with other brothers in the church. Or number two, you're actually not respectable and you're more insecure about them finding out about who you really are. And maybe this would be the best thing in the world to happen because your sin will come out and people can actually walk with you and you can grow. Maybe you need to get out of ministry, maybe not. Maybe it's just something you need some accountability on. But either way, we are supposed to and ought to embrace a brotherly love with believers. We are stronger as the family of God when we have biblical friendships, when we are loyal, when we love one another, and when we stick it out with our friends. The fourth kind of love is agape love. This word is one hundred percent found in Scripture, and a proper definition of this Greek word is a love without condition that seeks the highest good of the one being loved. The single greatest example of agape love, the example to us of agape love is in Ephesians 2.4, referencing God. He is the greatest example of agape love. Paul says there in Ephesians 2.4, but God being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together. And he says, By grace you have been saved. Think about how amazing God's love is. Valentine's Day, if anything, while you might give some roses to your spouse or go on a date night or what have you, or use the day as a chance to pour out love on your family, ultimately, any day or any significance regarding love should remind the believer of the incredible, unconditional, undeserved love of God. His love shapes our perspective and it emanates out of the gospel. You think about Ephesians 2. Who is the subject in Ephesians 2 4? God. He's the one, it's his mercy, he's the one that's rich in it. It's his love. Who's the initiator? God. Who does the mercy derive from? God. Who does the love flow from? God who intervened on our behalf when we were dead in our trespasses and sin. God. It's all him. He's the divine center of the gospel story. He's the origin, the very definition of love, and he's the greatest example of love. And so we look to him and his love. Agape love is that unconditional love. It's not merit-based, which is why it's linked to God's compassion in Ephesians 2.4, when Paul says, But God being rich in mercy, mercy is a Greek word that means pity, compassion. It's to grant clemency. And this is what you and I need. We're not amazing people. We're awful. We're sinful. We're dead. We're not obedient people. We were rebels. We were not alive. We were literally the walking dead. And God chose, because of his great love with which he loved us, to initiate a divine intervention. And so we see his love, and then it's not based on merit. You did not do anything to make God love you. You and I have no extra special quality about us that makes God love us. And all of this matters. You should know this, you should think about it. Your mind should be renewed in it. Why? Because it shapes the way you love other people. If you, friend, are the recipient of unmerited, undeserved love? If you are the one who was prideful, if you were lost, if you were unloving and he loved you, then how can you and I respond any other way to both God and others except with great love? All of these truths point to God as the source of salvation and the source of our love. Agape love is seen in John 15, 13, when Jesus says, Greater love, the word agape there, hath no man than to lay his life down for his friends. The emphasis is not that the friends are so special, but that the one who laid his life down has exhibited the greatest love. The friends are loved, of course. The friends benefit, of course, but no one goes on and on and on about the friends. It's the one who laid down his life who's the focus. Why? Because that's extraordinary love. And so in all of your relationships, in all the love you enjoy in your life, agape love is the love that should capture your attention the most. It should raise your affections for God and others. It is not a finicky love. It is not going to waver based on emotions. While there might be feelings involved with agape love because you care about someone, agape love will never change because of feelings, whether they're there or they're not. Nothing can stop it, nothing can change it. It's that kind of love that Romans 5.8 describes in that while we were still yet sinners, Christ died for us and he demonstrates his love that way. Agape love is not a love you can produce without God's help and without the Holy Spirit working within you. Our love is so limited. Agape love is unlimited. It's love from God, and He works through us with that love. This is the kind of love that husbands are to have for wives. Ephesians 5 goes on to describe the sacrificial love of Christ, the unconditional love of Christ, and then calls husbands to love that same way. And here's maybe the hardest part for all of us. Luke 6.35 uses the word agape when Jesus says, love your enemies. That's going to take supernatural strength. That is strength that can only come from God. That is an example of love that is commanded still by God. And so, unlike all other forms of love, this one does not have a dark side. It cannot be overdone. To love like God is to be a faithful imitator of God. You're never more like Him when you choose to love others, when you choose to forgive others, when you choose to care for others without condition, just like God has chosen to love us and forgive us and pour out mercy on us when we didn't deserve it. We love others freely and graciously so that we might be faithful imitators of our mighty God. So this Valentine's Day and really every day, I hope these reflections encourage you. I hope they edify you. I hope they challenge you. And I would hope this above all else that you and I, when we find it difficult to be loving, would go to our knees in prayer and confess, God, we are having difficulty loving people. We're having a hard time showing compassion, showing empathy and caring for others. Please forgive me, because in doing so, I'm forgetting that it was you who loved me when I didn't deserve it, you who gave me mercy and compassion when I didn't deserve it, and now I need your help to love that person who, in my estimation, doesn't deserve it. Help me to imitate you. The way Ephesians 5, verse 1 and 2 says, when Paul says, Therefore be imitators of God as his beloved children. Since you belong to God, you love like God. And he says, Walk in love. I pray that would be the way you and I walk this week. I hope this episode has helped you and encouraged you. And I hope you know that we love you as a ministry and we're thankful to be able to provide these resources for you for free. For more resources or to become a monthly gospel patron and help us produce these free resources, you can go to www.forthegospel.org and to leave a review and encourage others to listen to this podcast, go to Apple and you can drop a written review there. And be sure to follow us on social media for videos and encouraging resources that drop all week long. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. For now, keep on living and loving for the gospel.