Welcome to the For the Gospel podcast where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Kosti Hinn, and I want to welcome our listeners on Apple, Spotify, and those enjoying this on our YouTube video podcast format. If you're new to our ministry, as always, be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel at For the Gospel. And beyond giving to your local church, if you're looking for a ministry to partner with financially and help us keep producing these free resources, you can go to forthegospel.org and join countless people who are partnered with us and the reason why we've been able to put out so many resources for free, and we're going to continue to do so by God's grace. We'd love to send you a gift as a way of saying thank you if you are supporting this ministry. So be sure to do that. On today's episode, it's the second part of this series on conflict and forgiveness. Last episode, we looked at the Christian response to conflict, and now we're focusing on what is forgiveness. It's often been remarked that Christians should be the most forgiving people in the world because we're the most forgiven people in the world. I could not agree more with that statement. I'm sure you also would find it very helpful and such a humbling reminder. But that doesn't mean forgiveness is going to be easy, does it? We are all human and we are prone to holding on to grudges and festering in bitterness. The key to any level of victory over unforgiveness is examining your heart and asking the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to any bitterness or unforgiveness that you are harboring. This can be helped by understanding what forgiveness is in the first place and what forgiveness is not. And that's where I want to start. Let's begin then with what forgiveness is not briefly. And then we'll focus the bulk of our time on what forgiveness is and define it biblically, and then of course continue in the series with how to be a forgiving person and walk through other truths. Number one, forgiveness is not excusing someone's sin. I love what Ken Sandy writes on this. He says, excusing says that's okay. And it implies that what you did wasn't really wrong and you couldn't really help it. Excusing sin is denying what the Bible teaches about sin because it downplays its seriousness. So to tell someone, hey, yeah, no big deal, or I know you just couldn't help it, it's all good, is actually to nullify what God says in Romans 6.23 when the Bible tells us the wages of sin is death. Sin is a big deal. And if we can deal with it, it doesn't become a bigger deal. But to excuse sin is not biblical at all. But maybe we want to ask, what about situations where someone thinks they sinned against you and you don't necessarily find it offensive? Terry Enns says that even then you can acknowledge what they believe to be sin on their part. And he writes this it may be that a person who has been sinned against did not perceive the action or the word against him to be sin. In that instance, it will be helpful to say something like, Thank you for coming to me. I assure you that I did not perceive your words to be sinful against me, and I was not harmed by them in any way. However, because you're convinced that you've sinned with your words and you're asking my forgiveness, then yes, of course, I'm happy to forgive you. Such words do not minimize, he says, the nature of sin, and they release the sinner from their conviction upon their conscience. So in all situations, no matter what the nuances, including the one I just walked you through, forgiveness is the polar opposite of excusing sin. You're never excusing sin, even if what you experienced is, in your opinion, not sin. The other person didn't sin, they just did something that perhaps they find to be sin. You would honor and respect their own conscience and what they're being convicted by. Now, you might think, uh, well, so if someone does do something, then I should just let it go. I just excuse it, and there's nothing that's gonna be done about it. Well, no, because forgiveness does not leave out restitution or consequences, and we'll get to that shortly. But understand first and foremost, forgiveness is not just excusing sin. Number two, forgiveness is not a feeling. If we forgive based on how we feel, we're never going to forgive or we're not going to forgive very often. In Matthew 18, 22, Jesus tells Peter to forgive 70 times seven. And his point was we grant, as believers, an unlimited amount of times in which we forgive. We're Jesus' followers, and we are forgiving people. This is one of the greatest evidences that forgiveness is not feelings-based because being sinned against repeatedly does not create a great feeling of wanting to forgive. It creates feelings, perhaps for you, of wanting to go recluse, never open up. I'm going to avoid people, or I'm going to fire back, I'm going to get even, I'm going to get vengeance, or I'm just going to insulate myself from people like this, and no one is ever going to hurt me again. I'm sure you've said that. I know many of us have, especially in the ministry. We're tempted when we get hurt by people to think I'm never letting people get close to me again, so they can never hurt me. Well, that's not going to help the Christian community stay unified. Not only that, it operates based on feelings. And forgiveness is not a feeling. Number three, forgiveness is not forgetting. While it's a good spiritual asset to have a short memory with the offenses and hurts that others may inflict on us, it's not a mandated command to forget about sins against us or to learn lessons from those conflicts. We might even set some healthy boundaries with people because of conflict. And that doesn't mean we aren't forgiving. Perhaps someone needs to mature, or they should be given some time and some space, and they're in a pattern of sin that harms us, and we forgive them while putting healthy distance between us and their patterns. In all of this, we should be careful not to meditate on the past and those hurts that we've experienced, and we should be wise to the enemy and his tempting lures of festering and brooding on past pain. While at the same time, we will bear the scars of conflict in the Christian life, and we can use lessons to walk in wisdom. Number four, forgiveness is not trusting. There is a difference between forgiving and trusting someone the same way you did before. This is not believing the worst about someone, but it is being careful with how much liberty you give them with decisions or positions and even proximity. You may forgive someone for a transgression while not trusting them with the same position in an organization or in your life. An example of this would be if a spouse was caught in adultery or someone in the church was caught stealing or lying. One would not be unforgiving if they said you need to earn trust again. Not earn forgiveness, but you need to earn trust again. And one would not be unforgiving to say you cannot be trusted with money or in certain situations, but we forgive you. So then, forgiveness is not excusing, it's not a feeling, it's not forgetting, and it is not trusting. Let's consider then what forgiveness is. First, forgiveness is a choice. You are in control of your choice to forgive. We'll get more into this in the next episode when we talk about how to be a forgiving person, but the New Testament commands that we are to forgive one another and we're to be tender-hearted and kind. That's in Ephesians 4, 31 and 32. Well, that means you're going to choose whether or not you obey what the Bible teaches. It's your choice that you are in control of, whether or not to forgive. No one else is in control of that. No one can force you to forgive, and no one can forgive someone else for you. Only you can. Number two, forgiveness is a release. It's a release. Two words are used in the New Testament to describe forgiveness. They are a femie, which means a release or to let go. It signifies a debt that has been canceled. And you release someone when you forgive them. You're no longer holding anything against them. They may experience consequences for their sin, and perhaps justice and restitution will follow, but you release them and you have no ill will towards them. And number three, forgiveness is a gift. There's a second Greek word. I told you there were two. Well, charizomai is the other word I want to highlight. And it contains the word charis, or is from the word chorus, meaning grace. And it is in fact a gracious gift that you would forgive someone. This is you freely bestowing forgiveness upon someone without condition. They did not earn it, they certainly may not deserve it, but you give it anyways. Now, you're probably already thinking it. If not, I hope you will. This is exactly the way Christ has modeled forgiveness. So you can't even talk about what forgiveness is and think about what forgiveness is without thinking each one of these things that it is, is modeled in the life of Christ. His forgiveness of us is freely bestowed. It is without condition, if you will. Now, we repent of our sin, yes, we place our faith in him, but please do not forget the beautiful truth that Paul lays out in Romans that even while we were still yet sinners, Christ died for us. So his love, his forgiveness, his calling, his choosing of us before the foundation of the earth. You didn't repent yet, you weren't even born. Very important to see a heart of humility is very vital to you being a forgiving person. Number four, forgiveness is a sacrifice. You are denying your flesh, you're laying down your vengeance, you're choosing to let someone go, you're giving them the gift of forgiveness, and all that means there's a cost. Your personal vendetta laid down. Even your rights in some cases, or your demands, certainly your feelings, all laid down. That's what makes forgiveness so hard, but it's also what makes it so much like Jesus. Throughout the Bible, God's forgiveness, his model, his character in this to us is on display. In Jeremiah 31, 34, it declares, I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more. In Psalm 103, verse 12, we see a passage that I don't know about you, but it's often quoted in my circles when I think about sin and forgiveness and God's redeeming of people. The Bible says, As far as the East is from the West, he has removed our sins from us. And then you think about love in the midst of forgiveness. And 1 Corinthians 13 5 describes that kind of love, a unconditional, Christ-like love as keeping no record of wrong. Ken Sandy writes that forgiveness is a decision to make four promises. I will not dwell on this incident. I will not bring up this incident and use this against you. I will not talk to others about this incident, and I will not let this incident get between or hinder our personal relationship. There are obviously relationships that may not be as close, like if someone were to abuse or rape or habitually slander or continually lie about you or is an active adultery and a host of other things, sins really, that you can forgive and still not be close with them. But if they've repented and they've truly changed, your unconditional forgiveness would mean that you could keep those four commitments and celebrate that a sinner has been saved and changed by the power of the gospel. And isn't that what ultimately matters? However badly someone has sinned against you, their qualm is with a holy God who will do much worse than you could ever do. So shouldn't we pray for them more? Shouldn't our hearts be softer towards them? If they die without repenting of their sin and trusting in Christ for salvation, what awaits them is far worse than anything you could do to them in the here and now. The gospel-centered mindset helps us to remember they need our prayers. And forgiveness is a great start, but pray for them. That's an even better finish to continue to do that day after day. Someone once said to me, it's hard to keep hating someone you keep on praying for. And that is so true. A soft heart is linked to forgiveness, and praying for their soul can soften your heart. Now, there's much more to dig into on this subject. So in the next episode, I want to unpack Ephesians 4, 31 to 32 and answer the all-important question: how can you be a forgiving person? But I hope that this episode has helped to lay a groundwork for a definition of what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not. Thanks for listening, for watching, for sharing, and supporting. My prayer and hope is this series will be used by the Lord to help you or someone you know become a more faithful, consistent forgiver. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. Keep on living for the gospel.