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Welcome to the For the Gospel podcast where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Kosti Hinn, and we're wrapping up the Conflict and Forgiveness series with your listener questions. Thank you for sending them in. There were a ton. And before we jump in, I want to remind you you can subscribe to YouTube, our For the Gospel YouTube channel, for the video version of this podcast now. And also, I just want to say a huge thank you and remind you and maybe make you aware for the first time that it is because of your support that we can do this podcast. We produce all the videos we do every week. We do the teaching series. We have some other surprises in store for you that will announce this upcoming year. And we're able to bring in amazing speakers and do all of that along with employ an incredibly talented team of creatives because of your support. Fun fact on that, which came up recently. Did you know, and maybe a lot of you do, but some of you I don't think do, that Date Night with the Woods, the podcast with Tony and Bree Wood, is also a production of For the Gospel. Recently, someone said to me, I just love for the gospel, and it's so amazing. Listen to everything, watch your videos. And then about a minute later, they said, We also listen to this podcast called Date Night with the Woods. Do you know them? And I obviously laughed out loud. I said, That is a for the gospel show. Tony and Bree are dear friends. He's my former pastor, mentored me, discipled me. They're amazing people. He pastors Mission Bible Church in Costa Mesa. And their program is actually made possible by our For the Gospel donors, our gospel patrons. And so while many of our contributors, and obviously Tony, myself, all of us, we pastor different churches, and our contributors are from around the country. It's the FTG gospel patrons who make all of these resources in our network possible. So wherever you are, thank you. And your direct support of For the Gospel is driving more programming forward. And we are hopeful and looking forward to adding to programming. So if you want to join our team and become a gospel patron, you can go to furthegospel.org, click give, and all of that is there. The second thing I want to make you aware of is a surprise. I've not really done this anywhere else yet. I wanted to do it here on my podcast. It is the cover and the actual book of Knowing the Spirit. This book is coming out September the 12th. This is an advanced reader copy. I wanted to show it to you and get you a little bit of a preview and put some eyes on it. But these just came in the mail. There were three of them, and I'm getting the chance to review it all, make sure everything's what we want it to be. Of course, the content is there as well. And there's some really kind, godly, and reputable endorsers that are already on board and getting behind the project. And so wanted to show you that. If you wanted to pre-order it, you can do that on Amazon or Christianbook.com, wherever books are sold. And Knowing the Spirit will come out September the 12th. If you're listening to this on audio, I'm sorry, but go to YouTube and check out the video and you'll see the book there. We'll be giving some away. I'll make sure everybody's aware of it as well. And if you go to our church, we'll have a bunch available this September. Thank you again for your support. And I hope that resource is a helpful one. Whether you're a pastor or a new Christian, knowing the Spirit is all about the doctrine of the Holy Spirit. Okay, lots of questions. I'm excited. You guys blitzed us. So here we go. Kelsey asked, How do you have biblical conflict with a family member who you believe is not saved? The family member is a professing believer who isn't showing fruits of salvation, which makes this really tricky, she says. Well, this is going to be difficult because if they say they are a believer, but their life doesn't show that they believe or reflect the fruit of a believer's life, then that's going to be challenging. I think a helpful principle for you is you are responsible for how you respond. It sounds kind of simple, but it's hard to do. You are responsible for how you respond, whether they react biblically or not. Basically, if you're dealing with someone who thinks they're a believer but doesn't act like one, or maybe is a really immature unbeliever or sorry, uh immature believer, or just a complete unbeliever, those reactions are on a wide spectrum. They might be sinful, non-sinful, out of control, under control, ignorant, you don't know. But you're in control of your response. And I would say this you can be a strong witness for how a true believer operates in conflict, and that's a good position to be in. Why? Well, if you're dealing with a false convert, then you can evangelize them from a position of self-control and godliness, reflecting what a true believer looks like. If they are a very immature believer, well, again, there is a very helpful aspect to this in which you can walk with them and be kind and be loving and work towards a better and more biblical understanding of conflict resolution. If they're an unbeliever, well, you just look completely opposite. And that could be refreshing while they may just walk away or not even engage in a fair argument or conflict resolution. You can witness from a position of Christ-like self-control. Again, the other people, they respond how they respond. You are responsible for how you respond. And the Bible repeatedly puts the emphasis on how we as individuals need to address our own heart, then help others. You think of what Jesus says in getting the log out of your own eye before helping your brother with his spec. That's a helpful principle here. So control your own emotions, seek the Holy Spirit's help for you and your mindset and your self-control. And you may appeal to them by saying, you know, I love you. You're my family. I want God's best for those who would profess to be his children. And right now, based on how you're living, your lifestyle doesn't match what the Bible says true believers live like. So talk with me here. How can I be praying with you? How can I help you? Help me understand your view on what I'm saying here. Do you see what I see? Maybe you don't. And again, based on their response, respond accordingly. But maybe they want to talk more, maybe they want change, but they just need to be taught, or maybe they're a false convert and they have a hard heart. Either way, you'll sleep well at night, and your relationship with the Lord will be right if you control your response and operate as a person who's under the control of the Holy Spirit. Okay, Michelle, what about continuing patterns in a close relationship where the offender continues to start conflict and cause hurt, then apologizes, and forgiveness is there, and forgiveness by the offended is extended, but that same pattern continues. Are we called to just continue to forgive without requiring change? Oh, the good question. Okay. So first let's start with Jesus' words to Peter. You have Matthew 18, 21 to 22, Jesus tells Peter in that very uh provocative almost illustration where Peter says, Hey, how many times do we forgive? You know, seven times. He doubled up what typically rabbis would say and then added one. They used to say, three times you forgive, and then no more. He goes, How about seven? Which is like double what the rabbis would say traditionally, and then let's add one for good measure. Super spiritual Peter. If you've listened to the other episodes, you remember we talked about that previously. Jesus comes back with hyperbole and says, 70 times seven. In other words, unlimited. Come on, Peter. You keep forgiving, you keep forgiving. So, number one, yes, you are called to continually forgive. But now I want to address the second part of your question. You said, without requiring change. So, based on the word of God, we don't require change in order to forgive. Let me say that again. We don't require someone to change in order to forgive. If you remember, forgiveness is a choice. We make the choice to forgive, it's a letting go of that person. Now, we may require change though to have a close relationship. Okay. Let me say that again. So we're all parsing it and understanding it because I know some people go, what? Without work, people need to change. And that's all of our justice variable, you know, levels come out here. Some people super merciful. I totally understand. Other people are like, well, they need to repent and they're not doing, hey, what about them? Okay, here we go. You do not require change in order to forgive. You and I, we forgive. That's what we do. But we may require change to have close relationships. For example, a husband may be repeatedly sinning and a wife continues to forgive him. But that doesn't mean they're close or intimate in healthy ways. A friend may be a habitual gossip and a backstabber, and so boundaries have to be put in place, though you forgive. So it's vital to remember we don't change people, and nor can we require change in order to forgive. Now that's hard for our flesh, so we need the Holy Spirit's help. The command of forgive is clear in the Bible, even though it's hard to do. But nowhere does the Bible teach that you need to go and be best friends with everyone who keeps hurting you in those patterns of habitual sin. Abuse would be one example. You need to get away from that. You report it to the police, you let justice roll, and yet you're called to forgive. I'm called to forgive. And how many times do we see this in churches? You or I forgive someone, or you or this party, lied, slandered, you present things as one way, and yet you're a hypocrite, or there's lies behind the scenes, there's relational conflicts. She says this to him, he says this to her, it's all dramatic. And then you forgive, but there are relational boundaries that may get put in place. Or if you're in a church situation, you might say, Hey, I can't do ministry with that person until they repent. And I know the truth. And I won't want to have my family under that kind of church leadership or a part of that kind of church family. It's not healthy for us. And you've got lots of examples of this. I do too. You know, all of that is the drama of church life, relationships, family. But what do we still do? We forgive. You don't require change to forgive. You may require change, though, to be close again. Bobby says, What should my response be to false teachers? This is gonna be a tough one. I've built up so much defenses toward them and have been so wearied in prayer for those who are being deceived by them. That's good. That's very evangelistic. That I find myself, though, feeling very little warmth towards the false teachers. Should pray, should I pray for them? Should I forgive them? I guess I should. He says I should forgive them, but I cannot excuse them. Do I see this right? But my goodness, he says, how hard is it to not excuse and yet to forgive? What is the right heart and prayer approach when it comes to false teachers and false prophets? I wish I was hanging out with Bobby at a coffee shop right now or just sitting in the living room together. This is a very authentic question. It's one that I work through so often. Great question, Bobby. I'm with you. It's a tough situation, and it's hard to feel warmth as well for me and for a lot of people watching or listening when we see the antics of false teachers. But Jude 23 is helpful here. He writes, and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh. He's talking about apostates and man, I see some good application in this section where he says, Have mercy on those who are doubting, save others, snatching them out of the fire. There's some categories you could apply here. I typically like to call these the doubters, the deceived, and the dangerous. Doubters is where he says, Have mercy on those who are doubting. It's like the wavering person. You just need to be really compassionate, even though sometimes you want to whack them with your study Bible and say, come on, figure it out already. You're patient, they waver. It's just a tough, long-suffering situation. Then you've got save others, snatching them out of the fire. It's coming in hot. Think Coast Guard. You drop down the life preserver or the rope of the gospel, and you go, You're in heretical teaching under it in that church. You need to get out of there. You're on your way to hell. I want you to believe the gospel. And you just go in and hopefully they respond well. Then he says, though, what I already had mentioned, Jude 23, and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh. I call these the dangerous. Yeah, they're deceived, maybe, but they've got people under them that are deceived. They're they're not really doubting. They know what they're doing, or they're completely blind and they're being used by the devil to spew false teaching. They're not really wavering in it. So they're not the doubters, they're the dangerous. They are the ones who are complete apostates, and they're false teachers who have soiled their garments, their stains. Second Peter chapter two makes it clear that the black darkness has been reserved for them. That's 2 Peter 2, 17. He calls them springs without water, arrogant slaves of corruption. Those are heavy indictments. And so, yeah, we see strong words, strong feelings, maybe not warm fuzzies towards false teachers, but we never see hatred for them endorsed. And even further, if I could just pull from Matthew 5 here, Jesus says, Love your enemies. False teachers are enemies of the church. They're enemies of the cross, they're enemies of the believer, they're enemies of God. And look, you still can love them by praying for them, pleading with them, but also just sometimes even being patient in time. You say, What are you talking about? What do you mean, patient? Well, think about how many of those who have been under false teachers get saved. Be patient, be prayerful, be long-suffering. But even false teachers. There's a particular person in my church. I won't name them. Uh there's multiple, but they were false teachers. Got a former false prophetess in my church, saved, sanctified, growing in the Lord. So if I were to say that I don't ever want to pray for a false prophet or a false teacher right now, well then that would include some of the people I even love that are in my family that I still pray for them to be saved. So we live in this humbling tension. It is in a sense the third way. And I know that gets used and abused these days where no one wants to take a clear position on anything, so everything's just the third way, the third way. No, but on this one, let me propose a third way. You've got the people that you flat out need to call out and you're heavy-handed with, and yet there's there can be this vitriol or hatred. Well, that's not a good way to go, but you want to call them out and deal with it, but not hatred. And then there's the, well, you know, let's just love people, man. Let's love them to Christ and love them to the truth. Well, now you're not speaking the truth in the name of love, and so that's not a good way. So that's two that are out the window. And what I would say is the third way is the balance of grace and truth. The balance of truth and love. You never waver on the truth, but if you love souls, these people aren't the devil. They're not a demon. They might be controlled by darkness, but they're a human being. They're the Imago Dei. So pray for them that way. And you know what? This could include in precatory prayers. David cried out to God to deal strongly with the wicked, to blot them out. You know, I've prayed before, maybe you have too. Lord, end their ministry. I don't necessarily pray for God to kill them or end them, but I say end their ministry. Blow it up. Expose them. Cause them to be known for their rotten fruit. Make it so that their ministry is destitute and all they have left to do is go get a real job and repent of their sin and call it a day. Lord, rescue your sheep, show everyone who that false teacher really is, send their ministry on the downturn. That's a good prayer too. All the while, Lord, cause them to repent and to come to the knowledge of the truth, because your word says there will be those that are in the darkness of utter gloom, the burning fires of hell forever, if they reject you, and if they are especially those who propagate false truth. So living in that tension is a good thing. It's good for our hearts. So we don't swing to just, well, we hate them and let's burn them all, but then also, yeah, let's just love them to Jesus. Stay down Main Street. That's what Jesus did really well. Okay, Ray Leen, how do you handle when you have forgiven someone but can't currently reconcile because they don't want to follow any boundaries? Good question. She says in parenthesis, that's not just being nitpicky, but it's a history of sexual abuse and control situations. Okay. Now the situation here is pretty tricky. She's added one caveat, and I'm gonna spend some good time here. Now the person is saying, she says, you're not following God because you won't reconcile. Is that true? We have forgiven, but anytime we come back to try reconciliation, they aren't there aren't any boundaries with that person, or they don't want boundaries. They're always upset. They think boundaries don't and shouldn't apply to family. Okay. If a history of abuse and sexual sin is present, one of the common guilt trips is for abusers to weaponize the scriptures on forgiveness and try to force you back into close proximity, proximity. Now, this could be because they just want it to be over. It also could be because they want to engage in predatory patterns again, and getting you close or someone close in proximity is a way to do that. Now, forgiving is biblical. Boundaries are too. Look at church discipline. Until the sinful party repents, there is not full reconciliation. You could have forgiveness, you could even have evangelism and reaching out to that person to come to Christ, but you don't. And even after that, you could have healthy boundaries biblically because someone is not above reproach. We see that term in 1 Timothy 3. It describes qualified pastor elders because church leaders are supposed to be really trustworthy. The idea there, the word means there's not really a handle to pull. This habitual pattern in their life that you go, ah, you can't really trust them. They're always doing something out front on stage that looks so noble and so holy, or in front of people, they're all perfect. But man, behind the scenes, they're shady. No way. They're not being the same person. And yet, not everyone is an elder or qualified to be one, and yet lots of people are saved. Are there Christians who are not necessarily above reproach? Yes, there are people who we may not trust in the same way. They're believers, they've repented, but they're not above reproach because the patterns in their life. And so it is with some who have a history of sexual abuse. You wouldn't necessarily be in sin if you wouldn't put a sexual predator who repented of their sin in the preschool classroom alone with little boys, because that's proven to be a temptation. You don't waltz into a bar every week when you were an alcoholic, and alcohol was a temptation. You don't hang out alone with a woman for long hours when she isn't your wife if you've had a history of adultery in the workplace. See, people repent of all of these sins, but boundaries are still biblical. Healthy distance, healthy patterns, wisdom in these things is completely biblical. We don't remove boundaries just because we have forgiven. So to put that in your context, you can forgive, but you'd be under no biblical obligation to let that person into the same position in your life right away. Perhaps one day you'll enjoy closer fellowship, but perhaps not, because the memories and the wounds of the sexual abuse or sexual sin are too vivid and too painful. They're a big deal, and you can't allow that level of closeness again. Now, on this, someone might say, you know, well, are you creating different levels of sin? No, but I would say this Paul the Apostle highlights sexual sin as being a very different kind of sin. And here's what I mean by that. He says every other sin that a man commits is outside the body. Sexual sin, though, is a little different. And he keeps referring to sexual immorality and flea sexual immorality and all these things to protect purity. Why? Because sexual sin leaves wounds and does damage in different ways than other sins. All sin is sin, but the consequences of, let's say, stealing something versus adultery may be different. Uh, this person, sorry if I butcher your name, Aaron or Aaron. It does raise the complexity of the situation when the one in error is the pastor or the elder of the church body. And then they try to shield themselves without any accountability by manipulating the context of scriptures calling for accountability. In most cases, folks just change their zip code, they leave, and the abuse carries on. It's a great question. The name is spelled A-R-U-N. So Arun or Iran. Yes, sadly, many pastors just reinvent themselves. And a few come to mind, obviously, that are frequently in the public news, and there are many though who don't make the news. You have What is typically a situation in which past elders would say that man is not in good standing, there's evidence in numerous witnesses of just habitual sin, he's not qualified. That man then just goes somewhere else, reinvents himself, and kind of ignores it all and pretends it didn't happen. You have also the example of pastors or leaders within a church who it's a bit of a personality cult, or people are worried about money, or a lot of the elders are just kind of the good old boys' club and they cover for their own. And so you have situations that aren't dealt with in that situation as well. What I typically would do is recommend people go to that pastor, of course, go to your brother or go to the elders and try to deal with it privately. And if it's not able to be dealt with in that regard, and you're really invested in the church and it's something that you need to do, we'll take others, of course, and try to get it dealt with. But eventually, if the leadership team is compromised and they just sort of brush all of it under the rug, and you're kind of in this situation where nothing will work and nothing will happen. They're not false teaching, it's just bad Christian leadership or shady dealings. In a lot of those cases, you move on, you forgive them, and you trust the Lord to handle it in his timing. And if people are in danger, of course, you want to make them aware and pull some people out of that church. But in general, starting a massive war will divide the church. And I'm not saying not to deal with things, but we all learn hard lessons in discerning and being prudent about levels of conflict. Is this worth blowing up an entire church about? In some cases, it definitely is. In other cases, it's an issue of disagreement behind closed doors. If you're worried about what might happen in the future, well, you're not a prophet, neither am I. So truth and time go hand in hand. Trust the Lord. That's the best route to go if someone is not a false teacher and abusing people, but they're just making shady business dealings or decisions in the church, and no one's going to do anything about it. Next question. If you've been verbally abused, abusive by or if you verbally abused, I'm guessing that word's supposed to be, by someone, does forgiving mean you be friends with them? Or just act as if nothing happened? Would seeking proper legal justice be wrong? Like if you had a boss who was racist, for example, or showed favoritism to whites rather than blacks? Okay, fair question. Again, no forgiveness does not mean you jump back into the same level of relationship with everyone or act like nothing happened in all cases. No. If it's a workplace legality and that's in play and someone broke discrimination laws, then you go through the proper channels. The law provides for that. If they're a Christian and you're both Christians, go to the elders, go talk to your church. These things in 1 Corinthians chapter 6, Paul says, don't start go suing, don't go suing each other now. Go to the church. You should be able to deal with this in the body of Christ if someone's sinning that way. So in general, again, no, it doesn't mean jumping back into the same level of relationship or just act like nothing happened and just ignore it all. That's not healthy. And if it's a workplace legality, go through the proper channels. How should I respond biblically to someone who's blinded by their own pride and their preferences and they won't be forgiving to me even when I've apologized or I've or tried, but they wouldn't let me. Or already I have a clear conscience about the matter, but they've taken it to a legalistic place and they're only focused on their preferences and not if it's an actual sin issue. I'm really scared for them because they claim to be believers, but they aren't being forgiving. And I want to have a great, I want to have grace towards them and trust that the Lord is working sovereignly through all this. Okay, big question. I'd ask a series of questions and discern this in some prudent ways. Number one, have you genuinely repented and said sorry? If so, sounds like you have. Have you asked them to forgive you? It's if so, it sounds like you have. Should they choose not to forgive, you're not responsible for that. Yes, you should pray for their bitter heart. Yes, it's a little scary when people live in that bitterness and they have a body count of bad relationships behind them in the church or in the family. Yeah, you have concern for that and it's worrisome and you want to do something about it, but no, you don't need to keep worrying about making them forgive you. It may be wise in that kind of situation to move on from it and let them know hey, if you have issues or you want to talk more, come back. In the last episode, we talked about that as well. Give them to the Lord. Some people need time, and some people are gonna stay bitter, and you are responsible for, again, your own heart, but not making them forgive you. Next question: I've read Peacemaker by Ken Sandy. That's a book that we mentioned a lot in this series, but I still have a lingering question. How does one proceed when an issue arises that cannot be overlooked? So, in heavy prayer, love, and humility, one confronts the professing nominal believer in private. However, the professing believer refuses to repent. And the wronged party and unrepentant party are not members of the same local church in which Matthew 18 could be lived out for the next step. Additionally, what do you do if this is a family member who you will continue to see? Do you try to check in every so often to see if their heart is softened or just leave it in God's hands for him to prompt them as you pray with a broken heart each day for them? I so appreciate your ministry, and her and her husband have been blessed by the truth. Great. Love it, thankful. It's a privilege. Let's deal with your question. It's a real thoughtful one. Yes, first of all, do check-ins when you can in your case. You won't always be able to do that with every situation, but it seems loving and wise and even hopeful to do so in your case. First Corinthians 13 speaks about love that hopes, bears, believes, and endures all things. So love would compel you to check in, especially family members. See if their heart softer, see if they're willing to have a conversation. And if not, trust the Lord and his timing. I've got a few family situations in this category as well. They seem to ebb and flow. It's hard, but it's good heart training to never just be able to write someone off while also being diligent to draw clear lines for the truth. So yeah, do check-ins. If you can get some relational bridges built there, do it. And the last thing I'll add is you said you don't go to the same church. You can't do Matthew 18. There is sometimes value in going to the elders of another individual and maybe having the two churches or a leader or a pastor from each one come together with you guys and see if it can't be resolved amicably that way. Next question. We've known sexual abuse of minor children in the family by an extended family member, some decades ago and some recent. My question is about what our relationship looks like going forward. Understanding forgiveness is a choice, but that it's different than trust and a wide open door to my family. How do I walk in forgiveness while still holding this person at bay? Is that biblical? Is it honoring? Is it possible to forgive, but not let someone come into our life any longer? That language around reconciliation and Christian guilt is at play. Like I have to let them back in, and it's not loving of me to stay guarded. On and on it goes. So then it says, I've had some Christians say walk away, and others say let God punish. Uh, others say we've been giving the minute, we've been given the ministry of reconciliation, so I should be working towards that new whole relationship. Really good question. It sounds like you've got some answers already within it, but let me add some clarity. First, it's biblical to use wisdom, especially when we're dealing with children. Jesus said it is better to tie a millstone around you and be tossed into the sea than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So the care of kids, the spiritual vulnerability, their physical vulnerability, all of that's a big deal to God. And if someone is accused of molestation or any kind of like it's credible, of course, as well, and you know what's been going on, it is not unforgiving or bitter to be very careful and to have boundaries with the molester. That's gaslighting when people do that. When they say, Well, you say you forgive and follow Jesus, but have you really forgiven? Gaslighting is trying to put doubt in the person you're dealing with, and it's a really manipulative tactic that tyrannical and abusive people use. They're trying to get in or they're trying to win or protect themselves. They might say, How is it like Jesus to still keep me from spending quality time with my grandkids alone or without having you hover over me? Do you not trust me, even though I've repented? I have a new heart. Isn't that what the Bible teaches? Treat me like a new person. Let me enjoy the kids and all that. And you might say, Great, you can enjoy time with them since you've repented, but as their primary protector and spiritual covering, I will most certainly be in the mix. And you, even as a new creation, are given to sin like any of us. And your past sin is linked to temptation that centers on molesting a child when left alone with them. That's not right. And that is not a right. That's wrong. And to be with them alone again in your new creation state is a privilege, but I don't have to offer that privilege right now. And so I'm glad you're saved. But there are boundaries. So also, you made a comment or asked the question, you know, we've been given the ministry of reconciliation, so shouldn't we be reconciling? Let me be clear. Exegetically speaking, when Paul says we've been given the ministry of reconciliation, he's talking about being a gospel ambassador who seeks to share the gospel so that people might be reconciled to God. And that most certainly applies to relationships. But since when does reconciling with God and others mean you can't have healthy boundaries? That's a logical fallacy. And it kind of stuck out to me as a bit of a red flag. We want to be so careful. The ministry of reconciliation would require you, no doubt, to share the gospel and to forgive them and to pour out gospel truth on them. However, the ministry of reconciliation is not a license to let molesters just spend time with our kids. That's the hard truth. I say that in love, but we need to get the Bible right when it comes to using these spiritualized phrases. Next one, I keep hearing some people talk about forgive but never forget. So is it really forgiving someone if you never forget what they said or did to you? Your question basically all has kind of centers on forgive but never forget. I would say that's a heart question. Do you not forget because you keep bringing it up in bitterness? Or do you not forget because you have some scars from it? There's a difference. You can forgive but not forget and be right with the Lord. Many of us might remember something that we've been hurt by or someone who hurt us. We might remember the situation. Maybe we remember a lesson that we learned from it. Maybe we remembered how to work through things in a healthy way. Maybe we remember the devastation that came out of it. We can remember things and forgive and be right with the Lord. We might even say that it's valuable to not forget in order that we might remember how God worked through something very ugly and very hurtful on our heart and turned it out for good in some way that brought purpose to the pain, but never excuses or even celebrates the pain and the sin. It's a Romans 20, Romans uh 828 idea here that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who are who love him and are called according to his purposes. Doesn't mean the situation is good, but God can bring good things out of very bad things. Uh Caroline said, Is it possible to have truly forgiven but still be deeply hurt for a period of time? Yes, forgiving doesn't mean the process of healing is microwaved. Many times it takes time and extended time to fully heal. And many hurts will leave wounds that you need to keep giving to the Lord. Erica said, How do we know which battles to pick and which offenses to let go of? That's such a good and a tough question. You think of this in marriage, family, parenting, church, all of it. You know, it could be death by a thousand cuts if you just pick on everything. Also, you might be negating your role to deal with things in a healthy way by just ignoring it all. And we've seen patterns of that, of course, in all of our relationships. If you're listening to this, you go, yeah, I certainly there's times where we all brush things under the rug, and we shouldn't. I think you got to ask yourself some questions. What is this relationship? Meaning, what is its value? Is this my wife or a husband? That's a huge deal. Is this family, in-laws, parents, blood relatives, church family, pastor leaders, all people that are close, those are valuable relationships. And so you want to deal with that. You definitely want to let things go that are just simple or small. And we do that a lot in family, don't we? We put up with someone's attitude, or we overlook someone having a rough moment, or maybe they're a little bit insensitive. And we understand the wisdom of Proverbs 19:11, which says a man's discretion makes him slow to anger. So you use discretion, and it's his glory to overlook a transgression. Many times we overlook transgressions because we love people and we understand them. We want to gauge the offense. Is it a work relationship? Was it an offhand comment? Can it be let go? Do you want to ask some questions maybe to see if they're hurt right now? And that was an expression of their frustration in the wrong kind of way. Maybe they have some blind spots. You want to have a healthy conversation about that. If you just let it go, you're robbing of that, robbing them of walking with them in love. If you let it go, there could be a seed of division in your relationship. Or if you let it go, maybe it is like Proverbs says, where uh you abandon the quarrel before it got let out, and you choose to simply overlook unless it's a constant pattern. All things to think through, Proverbs 19, 11, discretion is key. Sinala asks, is it biblical that after forgiving the sins of my in-laws to trust my child in their care? It could be biblical, but what was the sin? Did they harm your child physically? That could be caused for some boundaries while they address their patterns and maybe it's not the same ever again in the way it was. Are they unbelievers? Then at what level do you want them caring for your kids? Influence is a big deal. And if you have unbelieving in-laws, that can wreak havoc on your parenting and your discipleship at the home in the home if you just leave them with them. So use wisdom, be slow, be patient, be measured, and pray. And another thing, make sure you and your spouse, if your name is Sonala, I'm guessing. Sorry if you're a man, if it's a man's name from a different country, but Sonala sounds like a woman's name, I'm guessing. So make sure you and your husband, or if you're a man, your wife, are on the same page. And you're not letting emotions or guilt force one of you into a position that's unsafe for your kids. That's not what forgiveness looks like. It's hard, but it isn't supposed to be a danger to your children. Uh, here's another really good question. Have you seen a decline in the ability of Christians to work conflict out? Yes. Cancel culture has made it so that accusations fly, everyone just labels, the case is closed, and then cooler heads prevail, things come out, and everyone goes, oh, oh, and a few people find out about the reconciliation, but the damage is already done. People get written off, proverbial wisdom is often ignored, which says one testimony seems true until another is heard. There's so much slander that happens in the shadows. And then when it gets brought out and it's obvious that something was wrong, you have two responses. Some people just run for their life because they don't want to be found out or accused of sin. They don't want to lose their position or whatever status they're trying to self-protect. And that's not healthy. What you have there is evidence of people who aren't equipped to handle conflict. And when the truth comes out, they just run because they were up to no good. Cancel culture basically makes it so that people don't even get a fair shot. You have covert conflict tactics and undercutting and behind the scenes work. And you have people that lack integrity and humility, they don't operate with honesty, all those are factors. Largely, I think people are untaught, and we tend not to have a good pattern of dealing with conflict. And so we all contribute to the weakness in this area in the church. And like anything in life, if we practice the good habits and follow the biblical pattern, we begin to have healthier relationships, healthier reconciliation patterns, and we can enjoy peace with God and peace from God in the midst of relationships. That is, by the way, the driving motive behind this series, that we would have a resource for you and even all of us on our team and in our churches, we can think through these things biblically and go back to God's standards because it's just not a common pattern in the church to resolve conflict in a healthy way. Few more. That's marketing. So let's be very fair in our definition. Who doesn't want people to come to church? I do. We're a family gathering, but I'm expecting guests. I want Jesus to bring lost sheep home. What does he do? Well, he brings them into a place full of believers. So we're still quote unquote marketing to let people know what's happening and invite them to church. But I know what you're talking about. A lot of churches take marketing and word of mouth, just spreading the word to compromise levels when they begin to try to attract people by breaking what scripture calls us to do or just generally ignoring a biblical pattern for church. So if the kids' ministry is a circus, that church is not preparing the kids for the future. And they're not teaching and evangelizing and discipling them. You could do that in a fun environment. Kids are kids, you can enjoy yourself, and we ought to. But the goal is to prepare them for the future, to raise adults, to raise them up and to really encourage, come alongside the parents who are the primary disciple makers, by the way, not the children's ministry, to understand the gospel. And when they get older and they enter into different facets of church life, they know how to behave and how to handle themselves. They've been teaching and preaching as a constant in their life. I'm a big fan of mixing your kids in the main services at times. If you're a church like our church, we have shepherds' kids. We have great kids programming and it's all discipleship driven and it's fun. But we'll mix in our kids with the main services too. Why? Because they need to see the church and be a part of the church. I can't have, and nobody wants your kids for 10 years doing some detached thing, or in many cases, your case, glow-in-the-dark worship and whatever. Kids play laser tag for 10 years and they play gaga ball and whatever else and do relay races at church, but they were never evangelized or discipled. What was it? It was entertainment. And then they get into youth group and it's kind of goofball antics. And again, I was a youth pastor. I'm all for the fun. And I one time took a chainsaw and cut a pulpit in half with it. I've tried to blow things up before at camp, and all of that is good and well. Camp is crazy and wonderful things happen that kids never forget. But you know what the anchor to it is? The word of God, teaching, and discipleship. Why? You're preparing them through the teen years to defend their faith and to understand faith. So we're not against fun, but if you raise them in that environment, you've trained them to see a concert and games as church, as like the worship experience, quote unquote, which is typically what people call it. And so you want to be very careful. Now, this is all about forgiveness, I guess. I'm not sure where that ties in here, but we took every question and I'm answering them. So talk to your pastors. Forgive them if they just don't care and they're not interested in your questions and they won't deal with it. Just forgive them and move on. But if they're confused and maybe never thought about it, if they do care and they want to change some things or adjust some things, would you support them as they shift gears? Okay, next question. Thank you for your series on forgiveness. My question is of course, what if someone doesn't ask for forgiveness? They're unrepentant. I realize we should not be angry nor seek revenge or be bitter, but doesn't Forgiveness requires a two-part transaction. I read an excellent article from gotquestions.org, which has always seemed very biblical and right on. It is, by the way, I've been on their podcast. Great website, really helpful. They said true forgiveness can only happen when the two parties seek the forgiveness. Would love your perspective. Thanks for your ministry. Okay. So let me say what I hold to or what I would think biblically, and maybe what our friends at got questions mean. To have true reconciliation, you need two parties. But to have forgiveness only takes one. And here's what I mean for the one person who forgives. Jesus on the cross says, Father, forgive them. They know not what they do. Did two parties forgive? Did two parties repent? No. Jesus forgave one-way street. That's a model and example for us. God, even while we were yet sinners, God saved us. Christ died for us. There's an initiating act taken by one party that can be accomplished. That's forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice. You can forgive people even if they don't repent. Because forgiveness is letting go. It is turning it over. But that's not reconciliation. The full picture of reconciliation is complete when two parties forgive and repent and they reconcile. So that is the way it works. What often we maybe mix up or confuse or misunderstand, or just you we're using different words to mean the same thing is man to reconcile or to forgive, you need to. Everyone needs to forgive. Well, that's to reconcile fully. But right now, you and I can forgive people who have wronged us because we can forgive. We've been forgiven much. We can forgive. We can let them go. We can pray for them. It doesn't mean we're not going to deal with the issue. Doesn't mean we're not going to talk through it. It most certainly doesn't mean we're reconciled, but we can forgive. Well, that was a fun and hopefully helpful series for all of you. I want to say a huge thank you for all of your questions. We still have DMs coming in. It's evidence that uh doing these listener question episodes is a hit with you all. So I promise this we'll do more of these DM your questions in and we'll answer them episodes in the months ahead. We'll pick some different topics, and who knows, maybe we'll do one on the Holy Spirit. That'd be kind of fun to coincide with the launch of Knowing the Spirit. And again, I pray that that book will help you. Thank you so much for supporting for the gospel. We love getting the privilege of serving you. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. For now, keep on living for the gospel.