Welcome to the For the Gospel podcast where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hinn, and I want to welcome our listeners on Apple and Spotify and those enjoying this on our YouTube video podcast format. This is episode two of our series five Priorities for a Winning Christmas. And last time we put Santa in his place, we emphasized Christ. And this episode is all about family. The priority of family is the key to a winning Christmas. Now, few things can be more challenging than dealing with extended family during Christmas, but this episode isn't about navigating the minefield of seasonal drama that comes with everyone getting together under one roof or the gauntlet of doing four Christmases because mom and dad are divorced and remarried, and the adult kids now have to run around everywhere to go to everyone's Christmas. In fact, I would propose something you may find surprising and even troubling if you have made your extended family an idol or your immediate family a passenger in your quest to make it the perfect Christmas by going to do everything. Let me illustrate what I mean with a story. The names have been changed to predict the identity of the innocent. Troy and Carrie, we'll call them, are married. They have two young kids, ages 12 and 10, and it's Christmas time. Troy's mother calls, insisting that he make it a priority to bring the family to her house this year. After all, she wants all the family photos, the white elephant tradition, and the special baking session to all be maintained year over year. It's kind of her world, and we're all just living in it. Meanwhile, Carrie's dad isn't doing the best health-wise. It's difficult to see him as much these days because he's back east. They live in California, and getting the family across the country during the holidays is tough and it's expensive. Now, Carrie's mom has called a few times and guilt tripped Carrie saying, you know, this could be his last Christmas. And she's been saying that for the last four years. But Carrie fears each year will be the fulfillment of that prediction. Now, she told her mom that they'd be happy to come out before the holidays or even after, but her mother insists it's gotta be every Christmas. On the home front, their oldest child is having serious issues in school and starting to exhibit that preteen rebellious streak that we sometimes hear about. She's allowed a phone for emergencies or in specific situations, but doesn't have her own iPhone. And so she's throwing a fit about how she's the only one left at school without a phone, and she doesn't have Snapchat or Instagram or TikTok. And so the pressure is on this year to give her what she wants. On the flip side, their 10-year-old son has basketball right up to the holidays, and he's in the school play. Between that and some light weekend church involvement, people like Troy and Carrie, my made-up characters, are feeling pulled in a hundred directions. Meanwhile, Carrie has been racking the credit card ahead of time because all of the discounts and deals started earlier this year, and she's gone a little bit overboard doing what I call going broke saving money, and she has overspent. Now, Troy mentioned something about a Christmas bonus, so she's thinking he'll snag a few grand around the 20th and take a chunk out of the credit card. That is, if they don't have to see family or deal with any unexpected expenses. Meanwhile, Troy hasn't told Carrie that his boss is pushing hard for a project to be done by the 24th. He'll be working on Christmas Eve, even though it's a Sunday, and she'll need to go to the church service alone, likely anchored things so he can finish strong if he even has a shot at the Christmas bonus. Now, that sounds like a cliche Christmas movie, but let's be honest, that is a version of the rat race that many people clamor through every single year. You could change the specifics, but the pressure's on. And what happens to family? Dinner around the table gets rushed or bumped altogether, finances become a fight, dad's frustrated, mom's anxious, kids are spinning in the middle of it all. And if you've got in-laws, they can easily become outlaws when you don't do what they expect on the timeline they expected. And ultimately, your immediate family goes on the back burner, pleasing everyone else takes the lead, and expectations are breeding frustration all over the place. And listen, if you're a husband, I want to challenge you, brother. Take the unhappy holidays by the horns and steer them where they need to go. It's Advent, it's Christmas. It's time to slow down in ways that help increase the emphasis on what matters most. We need to think about the Lord. We need to meditate on his coming to earth to redeem us. This is a time to make memories around not the gifts and the guilt trips, but around Christ. He's the centerpiece, he's the rudder, he's the star of it all. And I know Christmas has wonderful traditions and special things that bring back memories of your childhood. Those are good, those are right, those are wonderful. And I know every wife will have her special desires that a husband longs to fulfill during these seasons. And I know the kids are kids. And trying to get them not to think about presents is like trying to get lions to ignore a herd of injured zebras. I understand, and we're all together in this. But family should be one of your and my top priorities. And by that, I mean those whom God has given you in close proximity. These are our family members, our children, our husbands, our wives. If you're single, these are those around you, your parents. This is your siblings. If you've got no immediate family, this is your church family. If you've got a husband or a wife or children, you've got a very high responsibility to disciple and lead and love and care for and model a love for Christ above everything else. And in all relationships, that is the priority for the Christian. Now, if you're single, these are times where you take advantage of the freedom to enjoy your parents and your siblings in these years. For one day, if the Lord wills, you'll have a husband or wife to please. And the hardest part of the season is going to be deciding who else to disappoint because it can't be him or her if you're alone this Christmas. I'd encourage you to cling to your church family as a priority. That's the beauty of the body of Christ. Spiritual family can be just as bonded, if not more, than blood relatives. Maybe you're somebody who's listening to this and you're divorced or you're hurting this season because of loss. I want to encourage you, resist the urge to hide or shut down. Resist the urge of feeling like you're just a burden or seeing yourself as a victim or the loner because you don't have your loved one or brokenness has tried to steal your joy. Get around people who love you, cling to your church family, and ultimately look to Christ. It must be said also that while the priority of family is the key to a winning Christmas, that comes with important qualifications that must be made. And so let me break down five aspects of this winning strategy. If you're going to prioritize family to contribute to winning this Christmas, number one, the discipleship of your home matters more than hurt feelings. The discipleship of your home matters more than hurt feelings. And each of these various points will have different applications for different people depending on life stage, but roll with me here. Look, nothing is more important than the spiritual health of your home during this season and every season. That doesn't mean you cut everyone off and you hermit yourself up with your immediate only, but it means you make a plan ahead of time so the holidays don't become the tail wagging the dog. You need to set the course proactively and ensure spiritual priorities are in place. Block off the quality time in the calendar so nothing gets in the way, and make sure that on the other side of December 25th are feelings of joy, sweet memories, laughter, worship, and a deeper bond rather than feeling exhausted, disconnected, and empty. I can't tell you how many families I talked to in years past that say, man, I feel like we just wasted Christmas on so many things that don't matter, and our family got the short end of the stick. Listen, that does not have to be you. Number two, set your family time before most everything else. If your spiritual priorities are in line with Christ, as we unpacked in the last episode, then it's time to set your family time before most everything else. Yes, there's work. You need to provide and work hard and do your job, and your yes is your yes, and there's events, but no, nothing is more important than your family knowing they are your highest priority outside of Christ. Now, I've got another point later on about this going to unhealthy lengths, but let's just say we don't have a problem in our society as much with idolizing family as we do neglecting it. And so I want to address this one high on our list. Look at the calendar. Where are the moments for connection? If you're married, protect your date night. If you have kids, protect the dinner time slots by setting a minimum for each week. Don't go four to five nights at a high pace for parties, only to leave your family the scraps. And let me push in on ministers here too. Don't do the same thing if you're in ministry, where you feel like you've got to give up everything at Christmas to give everybody else their Christmas. I've heard that before as a sentiment, and I understand it. We need to sacrifice, we need to minister, we need to serve. But in the end, it is the American enterprise of Christmas that has forced pastors and ministry families to think, man, we've got to go 25 days hard in order to keep everybody around and get people to give their money and get them to go to everything. So we need to give up our Christmas in order that others might have one. Listen, that is baloney. That is lies. And that is the American enterprise of church and Christmas deceiving you into thinking that you are Jesus and you need to bring them all together. No, we want to serve. Let's be faithful, let's lay ourselves down and be sacrificial. But look, this Christmas, you need to face the hard truth, whether in your ministry or not, keeping everybody else happy and leaving your family in the dust is not noble. It's not Christ-like. And perhaps for some of us it's time to tell the boss no. It's time to even tell the church no. I'll keep my spiritual priorities in order, I'll obey the commands of Christ, but I'm not going to go to everything every night and do everything. And maybe you need to tell some people this season, hey, I'm not able to do that day, but I can do another day. Look, let down those friends and others having loved your family well. Number three, less is more. And I'm not talking about family time. I'm talking about keeping it simple with your family. You know what I'm so surprised by, and this would be personal even in my own life. How often less is more during the advent season? Keeping it simple, slowing down, maybe doing something counterintuitive. I've got to tell you an honest story here. This is an illustration that may hit home for some of you, and some of you might just laugh, but I stumbled onto this one uh last year, and it's something we started doing, and now we're doing it again. We thought it's either going to be adventure or disaster, one or the other. And it turns out we tapped into something unexpected. You know, in our home, I'm the Christmas crazy one. I love it. I love the lights, I love the music, I love the hot apple cider, I love the slowing down, I love being up on the roof. I put up the wreaths, I do the lights, we deck out the tree, the whole bit. And when I say decking out a tree, I mean maybe, just maybe, you can take the kid out of the prosperity gospel, but you can't take the Christmas tree from the prosperity gospel out of the kid. I'm just teasing, but I do like a beautifully decorated tree. And I'm the type that maybe it's best if the kids go to bed and we decorate it so it's perfect. And you know, they don't have to help because I'm human too and I want it all a certain way. And last year, a friend gifted us a tag for a you cut down tree, meaning you go up to a location. This isn't like a tree farm, even. It's going up to a location in the minivan where uh most people only with four-wheel drive go. You cut down a tree with a saw that you have to bring, and then you strap it to the roof like a little burrito in a tarp, and you drive it home. Now, I love the outdoors and enjoy it with my family, but the whole thing was a little outside my comfort zone at Christmas time, but my wife was just gushing over it. She loves it. And so, you know, it's not going to be the perfect tree shape, it's not gonna be super full. You're not gonna be to go to Home Depot for the oversized, you know, tree with the shape, and you put the angel on top because it's got the perfect thing and the whole deal. And let me tell you, getting in the minivan, hiking into the forest, seeing the kids get excited about the tree, carrying it out with my oldest boy, strapping it hilariously to the roof of our minivan, and wondering if it was going to be a Charlie Brown special by the time we got down the mountain and home, and then seeing it in the living room. Look, I cannot think of a better memory. Why? Well, we listened to Christmas music on the drive, we laughed, we prayed, we talked, we got away from the rat race pace. We took the minivan down a dirt road. No minivan had probably gone before, we think. And that tree became a symbol of God's kindness to us through our dear friends. It was a day of memories, it was adventure, and it was the meaningful choice of the family choosing that tree. And even the way that it was so weak, it couldn't even hold up decorations. So we had to make paper ones and we didn't really bring our little fancy ones out. The whole thing became this beautiful picture of how less is more. Just a fun family day to cut down a tree. And this year, guess what? We couldn't wait to get another tag because it's become our family's favorite Christmas adventure. And to us, again, this is just personal, it beats out anything that the Ritz-Carlton could ever decorate. And that's my story, but what's yours? You know, you could plagiarize and customize that idea. Is there something that you love? Is there a less is more principle for you? Is there something maybe with your family that you'd like to do, or something you've thought about before, and it's a simple thing that maybe wouldn't be in line with the big kind of lavish and overdone American Christmas, but it's a sweet family tradition and it's simple and it focuses on you guys and making those memories. Look, uh saying no to good things because you're prioritizing the greatest things of the Lord and your spiritual priorities and family can be one of the greatest moves you make this Christmas. So maybe for you, there's something that comes to mind. Either way, the principle is less is more. Pray and ask God for wisdom, and I know He'll provide it. Another great way to kind of parse this idea down of family as a priority at Christmas is serve others as a family or with your family. Nothing puts everyone on the same page and bonds a family like serving others together. Now, this could be in your local church, and it ought to be that we serve in our local church, but it also could be part of the community as a local effort to meet the needs of hurting people during the holidays, maybe to expose your family to situations or contexts that are out of the norm for them. Some people may even choose to do a short-term mission trip during the Advent season, putting the ultimate mark on this time of year by sacrificing their comforts, their traditions, even being away sacrifices our own self-satisfaction and just the joy of even being home in order to serve other people. There's no one right way to do this as a family except that you find ways to serve as a family. And when you prioritize an other focused mindset during the season, you're instilling values that will last a lifetime and bring glory to God. Number five, another way to parse this down, define family biblically. If you want to win this Christmas, make family a priority. And in that, let's make sure we're defining family biblically. When Jesus has his disciples come to him, they say, Hey, your family's looking for you. Jesus responds in Matthew 12, 48 to 50, he says, Who is my mother and my brothers? And then he proceeds to say, here they are, basically. Everyone who does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and my sister. His point was that family by human blood may become less of a priority than family by Christ's blood. This Christmas, some of your family priorities may change based on how you define family and what your spiritual priorities are. If you look at the schedule and find very little time with those who share your faith, but you've maximized time pleasing the world, it may be worth assessing. Now, I'm not saying you don't evangelize, that's crazy. You should be around unbelievers all the time in different contexts, sharing the gospel and being the light of Christ in this world. You know our ministry better than to think that I'm suggesting that anyway, but the whole point is to ensure that your own spiritual focus is intact. So don't be afraid to define family and set your family priorities based on what edifies most. Maybe there's some people in your life who guilt trip you and their blood relatives who say, oh, come on, what about family? And you're prioritizing your spiritual family, and you need to let them know, hey, I'll be there for this, but not for all of that, because I'm prioritizing what edifies my family the most. And finally, be careful of making family an idol. Now, this is last but not least, and it's applicable to some and not all, where the children and the family and our happiness and our memories and our time and our season is just that. It's all ours, ours, ours, and it's all about us. And you take everything I've put before you and the priority of family, and you say, that's right, we're canceling everyone and everything. It's only about us. Well, now we've swung to the other extreme. Family. Well, again, not the most common case for everyone, but still prevalent in our world, can easily become the idol. We obsess over making sure everybody is happy and everybody is getting everything they want. And Christ is sort of like a little treetopper on our family's Christmas. We need to double check our hearts. Make sure that even those kids and parents and grandparents and siblings you love so much don't become the anchor to your happiness. Family is second on our list this year, but not first, and that's for a good reason, because Christ is all and all. So there it is. Our second priority is family, and just like every one of these, my encouragement is that you plagiarize and customize, as I would say. Take the list, take the concept, take the theme, take the priority, and customize it to your own situation, your own context, and apply it. Every family is going to be different. Everyone's struggle may swing to one extreme or the other. So we slice and dice the season in a variety of ways, but the one thing that remains the same ought to be the priority of family in the midst of this Christmas. Thanks for listening, for watching, and supporting. If you haven't already, subscribe to our YouTube channel and go to forthegospel.org to get free resources or to become a gospel patron by partnering with our ministry financially with a one-time gift at the end of this year or with an ongoing partnership month over month. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. Keep on living for the gospel.