Welcome to the Further Gospel Podcast, where we're all about sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Kosti Hinn, and I have a co-host today, my beautiful wife, my best friend, and I'm super thankful. Welcome to the Further Gospel Podcast.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_01What is your name?
SPEAKER_00Your wife.
SPEAKER_01Your wife.
SPEAKER_00Kosti's wife.
SPEAKER_01That's so good. Oh, that's so good. Well, we wanted to do an episode talking about our new book, The King Who Found His Self-Control. I do need to preface this by saying I had to restrain my wife. She always wants to be on the podcast. Your favorite thing is to be in front of a camera, obviously.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01I know you so well. Grateful though that she would come on because we wanted to share our heart and talk about three things. Number one, why we wrote the book, The King Who Found His Self-Control. And then I wanted to answer the question how we wrote the book, mostly because a lot of people ask, you know, how do these things come about? And I would love for you to share how you came up with our dear friend King Ira in the book. And then the last thing is I've got a copy right here. And I want to talk through the parent teaching resource that is at the end. And we can talk about transformation beginning with the heart. We can talk about taking the next step as a family, and then the importance of our model as parents, because self-control, while we need to teach it to our kids. Um, I need some. Do you need some? Yes. You're very well behaved, though. You're very, you're very moral, you're a very good person, and I'm thankful for you. But we all need it, we all have trouble with it. So uh let's start with the why. Why did we write this book? And particularly you kind of had the genesis of this whole idea. Why was it so important to you?
SPEAKER_00We were in a parenting class and we were discussing the topic of self-control. And there were just so many parents who were either had questions of how to teach it, how to guide them, just where's ground zero and where to start. And so that was heavy on my heart, and I love teaching through books. So I actually went on Amazon right after the parenting class and was trying to find like a good resource, and there was nothing. I mean, it's just secular things telling you what to do, and you know, go, you know, act like a tree, take deep breaths, and it wasn't anything that was biblical.
SPEAKER_01And Daniel Tiger, who can be helpful, he's Mr. Rogers.
SPEAKER_00They did take that out, yes. They took it out. They did, yes.
SPEAKER_01Daniel Tiger, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Now it's deep breaths.
SPEAKER_01Take deep breaths. But in the beginning, it was uh if you're feeling mad and you want to roar, and you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four. That's the new one. It was stomp your feet. Yeah. So now you're angry, you need self-control, but we're Daniel Tiger, we stomp our feet. Yes. So we're no go on.
SPEAKER_00No stomping feet.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00So that was where it's come from.
SPEAKER_01Alright. And then I remember, I'll tell my version of the story. You came to me and said, I want to write on the fruit of the spirit. And the fruit of the spirit is plural, and there's a lot of them. There's nine. Yes. This particular one was important, and I remember thinking that's a lot, as usual, with the ideas. You come up with these things going, we should do this. You gotta help. I needed you to do this, we should do it. It's so important. And self-control became the first one, obviously, because it's a huge deal for kids. Uh why don't we share a little bit about kind of personally? I'll start. What are some of the things we encounter? We have five kids nine, seven, five, three, one. It's like list your odd numbers in preschool or I don't know. By the time you're in elementary. And I was thinking of a few examples. Number one, our house on the average day. Would you say every hour a lesson on self-control is helpful for one of the kids with five?
SPEAKER_00Yes, give or take.
SPEAKER_01Give or take. Um for us, probably helpful because patients want to hear a funny story. Sure. I don't think I told you this yet. So here you're hearing it here for the first time. Uh I was at Founders recently. I had to go to Florida. You know this. We FaceTimed every day, we prayed every day, all that. I have not recalled a smoother, just three days. And life was simple. Okay. And then I came home and it was I felt like I was in the middle of a hurricane. And the reason is life is so easy. Yes. When you're alone, and I get home and someone's like, Daddy, I'm hungry. Daddy, I want a snack.
SPEAKER_00And I'm thinking I wouldn't know, but yes.
SPEAKER_01And I'm thinking, like, no one asked me for a snack. I'm with adult men. Nobody asked you for a snack for three or three days. And I realized, okay, it's actually easier to just be doing your thing as an adult. And I'll call it selfish. Obviously, it was a ministry trip and we want to serve, but yeah, it's tough in the home. There's a lot going on. It's tough for you as a mom. Um, you want to share just throughout the day what what are some of the things that you go through and what processes you go through. Do you pray? Do you need your quiet time? Are there certain lifelines to help you with self-control as an adult?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Yeah. Uh, we were actually talking about this in Bible study last night, and starting in the word is key. Like it's not cliche to say that it sets you up for a successful day because you're just filled with God's word. And so when oh, not if, but when, and very likely if you have young children, it's gonna happen at the end of your quiet time. Like they wake up early, they you know, they need something, they somehow get hurt or do something. I don't know. I would just I never so yeah, so starting in the word is just key. And it helps us not to avoid those situations because they're gonna happen, but when they do happen, Lord willing, we'll you know, we'll catch those words before they come out and they'll be gentle and not harsh, or or we'll pray with a child versus like don't do that, and you know, completely ignore the heart training. If you're just like don't do that, stop, no, no, or you know, even start counting to three. If you don't do this, I'm gonna count to three. So those are all things that I think starting in the word, it helps you to you know put down the flesh, put on your armor, because you with toddlers and young children, I'm sure teenagers were just not quite here there yet, but you need you need that for the day.
SPEAKER_01So good, really good. Uh let's talk briefly about the importance of self-control, but not crushing our kids and turning them into um, although my in my flesh, I'll say this, I would love just military soldiers when they when they walk to the car to go to church or school, they just do, doof, doo, like marching perfectly. Yes. Um, I was thinking about this earlier and been praying through it with our sons, and we have three girls, two boys, so plural, multiple of each. The goal for for the boys, you know, like let's just talk about wrestling briefly and the idea of self-control. I don't want them to be uh passive, never being boys, never physical, never testing their strength, but I want them to be able, when I say, guys, okay, that you know, the the bell goes off. We have our our dinger, you know, the fight's over. I set the timer the other night on my phone and I just hit it, and when it was over, it was over. Yes. And you know, there's the extra shot at the end, you know how they call them extra shot. And learning self-control is not you're a well-behaved little robot and you never do anything and you never uh stretch yourself or push, but it's knowing when to stop yourself. So if your kid has a mouth, God's given them a good voice, and maybe the Lord will use that one day, but they need to know how to control their mouth. Same with adults. Yes, with the boys. I want them to be rough and tumble boys, but they need to know how to shut it off and time in a place. Will you speak to that a little bit? We have church Sundays, we have a wana, Wednesdays, you've got piano, there's sports in our life, there's friendships, there's Bible study, all that. How do you think through like how important is time in a place when we're talking about a book on self-control and using a book like this during family quiet times or bedtime or dinner time to talk to our kids about time and place? Like, is wrestling, you know, do I want to give my kid an elbow drop in the front row before I preach a sermon?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00And and those conversations I think are really healthy because we we've had kids where they maybe haven't seen you all morning. We show up at church and they run up and they want to like tackle you, and it's like, okay, yes, there is a time, a place for certain things, but as you're talking, I think the word controlled is so important because in all of us, if we're not controlling whatever emotion is bursting out of us, then we're not being self-controlled. And I think that's what gets us all in trouble. And one of the first things I like to teach a kid is the fruits of the spirit, because I feel like, man, if we could just remember all the fruits of the spirit, we're gonna be walking on that road, like you know, not perfectly by any means, but we're gonna be walking on the road of righteousness. And if we can keep remembering and keep putting on those things, then then you know, we can get through different situations, but it's when we lose the control and whether it's our words, our you know, for kids or Lord willing, not adults, but it happens, I'm sure, like our our hands get get others, you know. There there's things that seem so trivial and silly to us, but the kids they don't control themselves, and so training of okay, you can you know wrestle in the home with daddy, but you don't wrestle with other boys in the middle of Sunday school class, yeah. Even if they're your buddies, yeah, and you know, you like wrestling.
SPEAKER_01Yep, such a good point. Time and a place. I think that's the hardest thing, even for adults. When do I speak freely about this, that, or the other, or even subjects? Like, am I gonna be talking about uh, you know, we know I like hockey, you know that. Um, but is it time to talk about hockey or or some hobby? Or is it time to um that? I think of that with um with the kids. Is it time to talk about heavy duty stuff? Are you with the girls? Yeah. So self-control if humor is another misplaced humor, poorly timed humor, yeah, all of that important, and as parents were the model for that. Um, is there certain lessons that you wish you learned? I'll share mine earlier in life when it comes to self-control, so that you, because self is the word, and we're trying to teach our kids you need to regulate your emotions right now, you need to bring it down, and you need the Lord's help, and we'll talk about the gospel and all of this shortly. But what are do you have any that you think of like oh if you think back to your life, maybe I don't know, five years ago, beginning of marriage? Okay, were there certain things?
SPEAKER_00Self-control, yes, I'm sure there's many. I think it's seasonal, I feel like. Um, you know, pre-kids it probably wasn't necessarily patience or a quick tongue as much. Um, but now it's like, you know, when you have three on your leg, one in your arms, and you haven't eaten all day, and then you have, you know, something else going on, yeah, it's you the lack of patience. You get hangry. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You get hangry when you haven't eaten. It's a thing.
SPEAKER_00So so yes, I think it and it it changes seasonally.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, mine definitely. Mine are all maybe just man-driven things, but I think of words, use of words, uh, use of body, physicality, um, you know, when to when to dial it up, when to dial it down. Uh, I think of eating, that's a an important one. You think of food when you're young, you know, the I want to snack. The imp it's impulse. Anything in impulse, I think of budgeting and money. Yes. All of these things, the earlier we teach our kids about these kind of things. Here's another one for you. We were talking about this the other day. Well, you saw me talking with the kids at the table. Um, dinner etiquette. Yes. Our littles, I love them. And I love the way that they are so eager. And it's a good thing to be eager to grab the Bible trivia cards. It's not a good thing to be up on your feet across the dinner table because you you want to read the cards. And so it's like, how do you, you know, talk about that? And we've been talking a lot about dinner etiquette. Um, and just in general, I we don't need to be British. Like, this isn't Downtown Abbey, and you hold your fork like this, and you must not do that. Like, I get that. Although I'm not against it. I'm not either. My my mother, my Canadian British roots. I'm like, we should. But etiquette's important. Um, there are things that we talk to with our kids even now that I think all are moments of teaching for self-control. Let's talk about how. How did we write the book and where in the world did this guy come from? This is King Ira. Um, and he turned out like you wanted him. Oh, is this what you envisioned?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um Brad did a great job of making him come to life.
SPEAKER_01We got a shout out to Brad Smith. He's he's the guy who brought this to life. It's so fun but daunting. Coming up with a book, writing it, and then hoping someone brings the vision to life. Yeah. You though.
SPEAKER_00Because you have to like give up your, it's like, I don't know, maybe I'm being a little true dramatic. It's a kid's book, but it's like feels like your piece of art that you're giving, you know, all the sketches to. Maybe like an architect, you know, giving the sketches, but then the builder has to actually execute.
SPEAKER_01I hope you interpret what I'm envisioning the right way. So King Ira, I remember the day you told me.
SPEAKER_00So I I couldn't sleep that night after the parenting class, going back to the parenting class. Uh I could not sleep. Um I just it kept stirring in my mind. Um, Proverbs 25, 28. And I was so I woke up super early next morning and I'm like, okay, we need to write about this. Yeah. And so I wrote out all the structure, you know, the, you know, what was the theme, what was gonna be on each page, and then the characters. And the characters were so fun because I was thinking of I wanted old, old names. Yes. And also I um I think we had just found out we were gonna have a girl. So we had always, if we were to have a boy, another boy, we're gonna name him Thaddeus. So, anyways, to use Thad, we we named the city Thaddeus. We totally did, but it was really fun.
SPEAKER_01Can I read Proverbs 25, 28 really quick? That when you said that, I was like, oh, some people may have never heard this passage before or remember the reference. But yes, a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls, and that's kind of how things open up. So, yeah, the city called Thad was one of my favorite moments because Thaddeus would have been his name. All right, can we talk about Lady Wisdom briefly? All right, so she was uh she's our other friend, and we thought about Lady Wisdom from Proverbs chapter eight, which wisdom shouts in the street. She, that's the way that Proverbs describes her, is really an allegorical reference or a personified reference to God's wisdom. We know that from Proverbs chapter eight. So Lady Wisdom is going to be the one who advises King Ira. He's really blown it. His lack of self-control, I don't want to give too much of the story away, but his lack of self-control has pretty much brought down the walls of Thad. And he's got to go see his trusted advisor. Her name is Lady Wisdom. The allegory there is you've got wisdom shouting in the streets. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And certainly King Ira would be wise to listen to his advisor as she points to the ultimate king, the king of all kings, who will help him. And the way that he helps him, it's not just some moral lesson or like we're gonna make it all better, but that king is the only king who can give you a brand new heart and a brand new fresh start, because the book rhymes. Yes. Uh, let's talk a little bit about the importance of the gospel for us in this book. What are some of the ways that we ensured parents have a pathway to repentance and confessing sin, being honest about him, it's it's his actions that led to this mess, and then the need for Christ. Do you want to speak to the importance of that for a minute and what we did?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think it it was important for us because we we acknowledge in the in the young years, you really are hanging fruit on trees, but it is Lord willing, through the you know, the repetition and the constant see consistency of God's word that you know it'll act the child will actually bear fruit. Totally. Um so that's important to us. And we like acknowledging that if you are not truly saved, you're not gonna have that brand new heart. And especially in adulthood, to have self-control in all areas of life, you're gonna need you're gonna need the Holy Spirit. Yep. And you're gonna need his help. So that was really important to us in showing that to parents and and the resource was super helpful and something that we were passionate about because sometimes it's so intimidating as parents to, okay, we got all this information, it we love it, but how do I actually do that? And what is realistic? Because sometimes we make things way too fancy and we intimidate those that are either newer or just have had no you know, guidance or or just haven't, you know, took and taken that step yet. So we wanted to make it super simple for for all the parents.
SPEAKER_01Let me just briefly touch on two things. Number one, the idea that when they're really, really little, you're just getting them to stop. Like let's say you're going stop that and they listen because you're parents. That's hanging fruit on trees. Right. The only way for them to actually bear genuine fruit that comes out is from the heart. All that's in there. And then you mentioned the parent, you mentioned the resource. Um, this is it. It's at the end. It says take the next step as a family. And let me touch on all three. We'll just take a few minutes at this and then wrap. But number one, aim for heart transformation, not just behavior modification. That's the idea there of not just, you know, stop it, quit it, stop it right now. If I will give you the count of three to stop it, Christine. Yes right now. Yeah, that's not what we go for. We want to help our kids understand heart transformation. The second one, talk with your kids about their sin and yours.
SPEAKER_00Something that we didn't point out is when we say acknowledge like not saying just stop it, we need to acknowledge a specific sin so that the kids know exactly what they are lacking self-control in.
SPEAKER_01Super helpful.
SPEAKER_00So, you know, if it's our words, bring them to, you know, you could go anywhere, but bring them to a proverb or James and and read that to them so that they know exactly how they have sinned against the Lord, and they'll learn those verses. Um, at least ours have, because we use them often. But um, I think that's super important. I'm glad you stopped me on that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because the idea isn't like that's it, I've had enough, or yeah, mommy's not gonna tell it's or even just not our words, yeah. Yes, yeah. So the idea is showing them that. Um second, talk about talk with your kids about their sin, but the little line we added is and yours. Briefly touch on the fact that mom and dad also need to model the gospel and repentance. It's not because the era before us and boomers and like that age, and I get it. It's parents don't apologize, and ours too. Yeah, parents don't apologize. I'm the authority. Yeah, because I said so. How important is it for you, for me, when we've sinned, to just stop the family and say, guys, I just want to apologize, and then model for them what we're teaching.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's modeling a lack of hypocrisy, otherwise they're gonna say, Okay, you tell me to do this, but you guys don't do this. So that's when they grow a friction and a frustration with what we're teaching them. So good. And I don't blame them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it actually is our fault. Yeah, it's caught not taught. It's not do what I say, it's do what I do. Finally, seek accountability and support from a mature Christian in your church. Uh Christine Hinn, are you in a small group at your house at your church?
SPEAKER_00I am, yes.
SPEAKER_01Do you have women in your life who can sharpen you and encourage you? Yes. I do. Um men, you mean. I do, yes, I have men. They're all their husbands are in my life. Yes. Uh the importance of community, vital.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Yeah, it's so helpful when you guys have, you know, whether it's men or women around you that speak the same language, and we're, you know, we're going through things together. Like we're sharing stuff, tips, books, resources, uh, not blogs. What a podcast.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, or a blog artist. People still read blogs. I know, I'm sorry. It's like not blogs. Yes, we're putting that parent resource in the blogs.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01But it's true, you're not exactly reading blogs while Lydia's on her fourth diaper and Ruthie is saying Mommy. My podcasts are so helpful right now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You can listen on the game and do. Listen and do.
SPEAKER_01Awesome. Well, the king who found his self-control, the best idea uh I've ever had was listening to my wife convince me to join her in writing kids' books. I'm so thankful. You've done such a great job, and I'm grateful to be a part of it. And for Brad Smith and his illustrations, you can pick this up at uh for the gospel on our store. That those purchases go and support for the gospel as a ministry. But if you prefer Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Target, if you're not boycotting them still, I don't know where people what people are who's boycotting who this week or next. Uh, and then as well, Christianbook.com. They have it, and it's there. If you have grandkids, kids, your church, wherever, all of it's there. Anything to add?
SPEAKER_00I don't think so.
SPEAKER_01You did good. You are phenomenal at this. We I'm gonna bring you on again. You're gonna I'm gonna make you, you're gonna be lady wisdom. Yeah, we're gonna make you share more wisdom of just mommyhood in the trenches. Uh, thanks as always for supporting. Thanks for praying. Thanks for listening. I'm gonna be starting a series on self-control for adults in the weeks ahead following this podcast. But the king who found his self-control, the book is now out. We're so thankful, and thank you again, my love.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_01All right. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. Keep on living for the gospel.