Welcome to the Further Gospel Podcast where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Kosti Hinn, and I want to welcome our listeners on Apple and Spotify. And those of you enjoying this on our YouTube channel, we have a video podcast. If you're listening to this and you never knew that, you can go catch this on video there. And of course, we want to welcome our brothers and sisters who are listening around the world. Thanks for jumping in with us. This is episode six of our series on sexual sin. I'm going to be answering your questions and as many of your questions as I can possibly get through with the time we have here. But if you're just picking up with us, I'd love for you to go back and listen to the previous five episodes. We've talked about sexual sin and its biblical definition. What is the Bible talking about? The steps that lead to sexual sin. We've been down some rabbit holes as far as how to wage war against porn, what are some of the sinister ways that the enemy attacks us through lust and all of that? There's a lot in those five episodes. If you just search back on Apple or Spotify, you'll see the last five. Or if you're on our YouTube channel, just click on playlists and you can see the previous episodes along with a number of other topics. All right, let's jump into this so I can get through all of these great questions that you've sent in. And here's the first one. What does accountability look like practically to avoid sexual sin? It's a great question. Let me give you just several aspects to this, what accountability would look like. And I want you to keep these all in mind at the same time. Number one, a heart devoted to the Lord. If lust begins in the heart, and it does, we know that according to Matthew chapter five, then the best accountability is going to be taking your sin to God in prayer, privately with the Lord, dealing with these things. It doesn't mean you never confess sin to anyone else, but you want to be with the Lord privately, meaning a heart devoted to the Lord in prayer, in your worship. You want to be working things out with Him privately long before lust has a chance to express itself publicly. So a heart devoted to the Lord is going to help you stay accountable, but that's not it. Number two, cultivating your marriage. If you're married, accountability begins in your marriage. Paul Washer said this uh recently. Do you want to avoid sexual sin? Do you want to avoid adultery in your marriage? Then cultivate your relationship with your wife and with your children. What is he meaning when he says that? Look, when your wife is your best friend, accountability is going to be high. When you're cultivating conversation with her, nurturing her, loving her, having fun together, being best friends in marriage, you're going to create space for honesty. You're going to create a bond. There's going to be unity. You're, you're going to reduce the even the desire for another woman if you're a man or another man if you're a woman, because you are a one-woman man or a one-man woman. Closeness is one of the best safeguards for accountability. I think too many husbands stay shallow in fear. They don't want to talk about things with their wife because they fear her reaction. Too many wives are doormats. They just try to keep the peace. They assume, oh, he's under so much pressure. You know, I don't want to add to that by asking questions. And so we get into this kind of shallow end marriage that's a lot like a thin layer of ice. It doesn't take a lot of pressure to break it. Number three, on how to stay accountable. Stay close to people in your church. The local church is huge. I'm going to name some names here. Don't be offended. Let's just talk honestly as family on the For the Gospel podcast. Robbie Zacharias, right? The traveling apologist. No accountability. No local church. Where were his feet on the ground? Where were his elders? Who are the people that he was around? I want to know who his friends are. Carl Lentz, Hillsong. Let's not just pick on uh false teachers all the time, and let's not just name names of guys that are long gone. Carl Lentz. Green Room Diva, when all the truth came out. Couldn't be touched, couldn't be questioned. What is he doing in the local church? Uh, just kind of a show and go. Uh, even recently, and and we still have details that'll come out, and there we still have a lot to think through and be prudent with. But, you know, people are asking about Steve Lawson. Was he planted in the local church? Were his feet on the ground? Or was he was he just more of a lead preacher whose feet were rarely on the ground where he served? Was he in community with guys where people ask him hard questions? I'm not saying that that's the only reason. Of course, we need to be accountable on our own, and I'll get to that in this QA. But staying close to people in your local church, not just surface level relationships, but deep, honest, authentic relationships, is at least going to play a part in accountability. Nothing that I've said is divorced from other truths. So learn to understand them all as a whole. But the local church is going to be a huge part of your accountability. Don't detach yourself. Proverbs says, he who separates himself seeks his own desire. You want to lower the bar on accountability? Cool. Do your own thing. You'll be on an island and you're susceptible. Uh, but next, how to stay accountable. Fourth reason. Take initiative, meaning initiative by the sinner. I know plenty of folks who say, Oh, I wish I could talk to someone. I don't know. I'm I don't want to bother my pastor. He's so busy, or I can't tell my wife she'll kill me. I mean, I we pastor at our church. I talk to people all the time, and and you'll hear these responses. We all get tempted to those. This one is prevalent. Oh, it's just my issue. I'll have to work it out. You know, I just to be me and the Lord. Isolation is the devil's most common invitation to us when it comes to sexual sin. You know, you should just deal with this alone. Take initiative. Sinners should take the initiative. You want accountability? Go get some. That may seem insensitive. It's not. We we need to hear that. You want to be accountable? Go get accountable. I got brothers that I call. I don't wait for them to chase me into my cave. Hey, Costi, I wanted to ask you 18 questions to discover your. No, I call brothers. Here's how I'm feeling. Here's the frustration. Here's what's going on inside of my heart. Here's how I'm breaking this down logically. What are the holes? Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I off on this? You gotta talk to people. You've got to have friendships like that. And number five, transparency. Get honest. Be honest with someone. First yourself. Say what it is. And then your spouse if you're married or a friend if you're not. How about your elders? Like talk to the elders at your church. I hope you have good ones. I hope you have biblical ones. If you don't, get out of that church. Don't stay in a church that isn't faithful and biblical in the way they lead and oversee your soul. Hebrews 13, 17 is spirit-inspired. It's real. You need to submit to those who are over you in the Lord. They're keeping watch over your soul. Well, you better be under some good, qualified biblical elders. Be transparent with them. Don't fear the loss and the consequence. Fear the Lord. He will forgive you. He will wash you and cleanse you. People around you, Galatians 6, 1, unpacks this whole idea. They'll restore you. Do you want to be right with Jesus? You want to be accountable? Get honest, take initiative, be transparent. It's a great question. I hope at least one of those five were helpful for you. Number two, how does someone navigate helping their spouse with pornography? Okay, let me give you uh four thoughts on this. First, talk to them directly. You need to confront the sin if your spouse is addicted to porn. Second, you need to take them to the elders for help and confrontation if they're not repenting. Third, get biblical counseling. Addiction is a pattern and it's something that's formed over years. So you need to get help, get them help, go to war. And then fourth, and perhaps very important or equally as important, maybe more, don't pity or baby them. No excuses. Sinners need to take ownership. When I saw this question, I jotted down some thoughts because I see this a lot in pastoral counseling. People say, you know, if my wife would just do the things I see in pornography, you know, then I wouldn't go to it. I would just enjoy her. That's a lie. Our sin is our sin. Your sin is your sin. A wife says, Oh, if my husband would just, you know, do this or do that the way I want, and then I wouldn't go to someone else. Nope. Your sin is your sin. Or someone says, Well, I better do all the things he wants, or I better do all the things she wants, or I better do this, that, or the other. Otherwise, you know, they might cheat on me. Nope. My sin is my fault, your sin is your fault. So as a spouse, if your spouse is addicted to pornography, do not feed into it. Do not fuel that kind of spirit or attitude of self-pity and baby them. Deal with it head on. Next question. How much of your past do you have to reveal to your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, spouse? So let's pretend or imagine this progression is there. You're courting, you're dating, whatever you want to call it. Then you're getting engaged and you want to get married. Here's the deal. I personally believe that vulgar details can be spared. Where am I getting that from? I get it from Philippians 4, 8, and 9, uh, where Paul says to dwell on whatever is right, good, noble, of excellence, worthy of praise. So you're you're not trying to go down the rabbit trail of vulgar details. If they could be spared, spare them. Unless specifics are needed to describe uh a type of sexual sin or the length someone went in their sin. Let me give you an example of this. This is all very tasteful and appropriate. Uh, someone will say, you know, I struggled with same-sex attraction for years. Uh that's great that they've been set free and and all what, but a future spouse might benefit from knowing if you were just same-sex attracted to someone and you repented of that sin, or if you engaged in homosexual activity. There's a difference. So again, not lobbying for vulgar details, but you should be honest about the length of sin, if you will, or or the depths of it. Conversely, you have people that say, you know, uh, I crossed the line before marriage, you know, and that's part of my testimony. Okay, that's fine. The Lord's grace covers. It's not fine that you did it, but it's fine to tell that testimony. But what does that mean? Some people will think that uh crossing that line before marriage was a kiss, others holding hands when parents told them not to, others a deeper form of sexual immorality that involved a specific act or all uh the aspects of immorality. You should use wisdom, but be as honest as you can without being vulgar or inappropriately reliving the moment. Let me add one more thing as well. You should be honest about other things too. Addiction to pornography. If you've if you've had an abortion or if you're a man, you if you ever had a woman have an abortion because you and your sin were immoral and you did that. Look, it can be embarrassing, it could be shameful, it could be scary, but we need to be honest with our future husband or wife about the level of sin we've engaged in. It will make it more powerful to walk together in unity, more unified, and by powerful, I mean more of a powerful bond when we've been honest. Uh, if you are gonna marry someone and you aren't told that they've been sexually abused or raped or molested, that's gonna be difficult to have thrown on you one day, or maybe you never find out at all. How are you gonna minister to them? How are you gonna love them? Now we need to be mature, and some people won't tell because they're afraid this individual won't love them, shepherd them, care for them, or nurture them or see them the same. If that's the case, don't marry that person. God has given us to each other in marriage, so we need to walk together in forgiveness and in love. That's not to say if someone's in habitual sin, they're addicted to pornography right now, they're rampantly in some habitual sin that you know you they they tell you and now you need to be gracious or else you're on love. No, no, people don't need to be getting married to people who are rampantly engaged in habitual sin. They need to go deal with that first. But if this is in the past, someone has repented, that pattern has been broken, and or it was a one-time thing back way when, whatever that is, look, you need to be honest and talk about what God has done, and then that way you can walk together in your marriage with truth and honesty, no shame and no secrets. All right, next question. Is pornography ever grounds for biblical divorce? Based on just biblical principles, addiction, unrepentant, rampant use of pornography in marriage is adultery of the heart. It's a vicious cycle that breaks the bond of marriage. So I believe a biblical case could be made for divorce in some cases. Hear me, where it's being used regularly, destroying the marriage. There's no repentance, and this individual is just engaging in rampant sexual immorality. Jesus said adultery is of the heart in Matthew chapter five. In other words, your heart's already abandoning your marriage vows. That's the real issue. So, first and foremost, you want to get to the heart of this. That should be dealt with in marriage. And if you get to the heart of it and a person isn't having heart change and they don't care, you got big questions to ask. But here is what I would offer. And this is from an older, wiser man, Tom Schreiner. He is a theologian, a commentator, and a faithful pastor. He says this, and I've gotten the chance to sit under some of his teaching in our doctoral studies, and he just does a phenomenal job with all of these issues, so fair, so biblical, so scholarly. He says local elders should be consulted in such cases where porn is being used continuously and without repentance. Some may advise it because of the nature of the use and situation. Others may confront and then advise a spouse to stay and work through it. So basically, we need to be wise. We need to go to our elders, but it's not something to overlook. It could be, in some cases, grounds for divorce. Uh, next question: why are so many prominent pastors falling into sexual sin? It's a fair question, given the events of uh the church world right now, and and seemingly every few months almost. Uh, here's what I would say: history shows us that prominent pastors fall into sin from time to time. And maybe with the media age, we hear it, we read it, we see it more. But there's many of these guys who fall in their local region, they never make the news. And there are even more who faithfully serve for decades, and they never get talked about, their names aren't known. And we need to think of that as well. The best of men are men at best. But I was laughing the other day. I saw someone post something that Mike Winger had posted. If you know Mike Winger, you know who I'm talking about. Uh Mike is a brother, I love him. He said, This just in, like it was breaking news. And he said, I I don't, I don't know if I forget if it was hundreds or thousands, or like let's say it was just hundreds. I don't want to exaggerate, but I'm sure it would be thousands. You know, this just in, hundreds of pastors faithfully serving, you know, loving their wives, uh, fighting for their marriages, whatever it was, like all good things uh all over the country. And it was like one of those moments like this just in. Yes, there are gonna be these situations that hit the news, but thousands of others are faithful. Can a pastor be restored to ministry after falling into sexual sin? It's a good question. I'm gonna answer it dogmatically. You might not agree. I can make a case for this, though. Uh, no, pastor cannot be restored into ministry, pastoral ministry, after falling into sexual sin. And the reason for that, I believe scripture supports this position that sexual sin, while it's like all sin and that it's sin, it's unique from other sins in that it's not outside the body, but within and against your own body. It brings reproach and shame upon the church, its leadership, and Christ. It is a shameful sin that can be forgiven, but the reproaches and damages of it are sent, uh, are ripples that are that are sent out too far to reel back in or to remove. A leader can never be restored to his ministerial position after sexual sin because the nature of that sin breaks the appearance of ever being above reproach. People don't recover from that. They may forgive, you could be restored into the fellowship of a church, depending on if you unless you molested a child or other things that just legally you can't be around. But basically, you could be restored to fellowship, but there'll always be what's described as something to pull on, something to to to grab on to and say, Yeah, but can we really trust him? Why? Sexual sin takes premeditation, time, money, effort, initiative, and deception to hide it. Nobody just says, like, oh, oops, it's a big deal. And sheep, again, will welcome a former shepherd into the fold in many cases, but many cannot trust again. So I don't believe, based on what the Bible describes, that a man could be a pastor again. And so, again, I know some people will differ with that, but I think there's a good case to be made with a lot of grace for people being welcomed, welcomed back into the fellowship of the church. All right, proper approach to responding to a situation like Lawson, referring to Steve Lawson, from people who don't know him. Here are my thoughts. And I say this as a guy who is from the the doctoral program to uh ministry events, conferences, all that. I've been around Steve Lawson. I love him in the Lord, I desire him to be restored, to repent, all these things, but I will pull no punches on the reality of sin. And yet, right now, this early, with so much ambiguity out there and confusion, and again, not some things are clear, some things aren't. So we wait. When things are clear, we we call them what they are. As they become more clear, we need to be patient. We need to expect more clarity with each passing day and passing week. Elders need to confirm every fact. That's biblical. A charge is being brought against a man who was a pastor, so they need to confirm. They have witnesses. Let's say they do now. Okay, they've privately investigated. Well, they need to call for repentance. And if there is none, I have no doubt that everyone who's supposed to will call this out for what it is. Nobody gets a free pass. We're all accountable. There cannot be, and I don't believe there will be, some good old boys' club that covers up sin because it's, you know, one of our own theologically. Love covers a multitude of sins, yes, and that sin needs to be repented of. Where the sin's been repented of, of course, we we cover in love and we restore. We don't shame the person again and again and again. But no one is commanded to overlook the adultery of a leader. That's not what love covers means. Like, well, I'm just going to focus on the good things he did. No, nope, we should focus on the fact that there's been unrepentant sin. So there needs to be repentance. I am a big fan right now of being slow, of hitting the issue hard, sexual sin. And by the way, this series was not because of that. This series has been going on for six weeks. And I think as of right now, this situation's been out publicly for like six days. So we should be thoughtful and mindful and allow and support the local churches to do the right thing, elders to deal with this. But one thing I would say is we need to work through and pray through our patience when we begin to wrestle with this truth. These issues should be dealt with in the local church, yes and amen, by elders in the local church where the issue is an issue. Absolutely. At the same time, when a man has a public ministry, I'm of the mind that some kind of uh public repentance or statement ought to be made. It doesn't mean that he has to be uh accountable to every church and he has to come visit with every group of elders and he has to go around and be dragged through the mud all over the place when he's repented. We've said the same thing, by the way, about false teachers. I've said the same thing about my uncle and many others. Look, public sin, uh public ministry needs public repentance. Also, when someone genuinely repents and they bear the fruits of repentance, we stop with the Inquisition and the push and the exhortations and the rebukes, and we restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. I mean, that's Galatians 6. So no one's lobbying for just putting the the covers over this and and hiding it. Also, no one should be lobbying for a public flogging when there's genuine repentance. So those are my thoughts. I'm trying to be slow, trying to use wisdom. I'm in this whole series on sexual sins, so lots of the posts and lots of things. Lots of what we're doing is centered on this. Uh, but in specific reference to Steve Lawson and everyone involved, I pray that there is repentance. I pray that there is humility. I pray that it's an example of living out the strong doctrine that we make such a big deal about. Amen. Now let's put it into action. We're built for this. We're built for this right here. When someone repents, we we are gonna be the most gracious people. We know that a sovereign God has been merciful to sinners like us. We know his wrath was pointed at us. So let's put into action the very doctrine that we teach and preach and watch as God does something great for his name. And yet in the midst of it, there's great pain and there will be consequences for sin. So those are my thoughts as of this moment. Uh I'm gonna wait and try to be patient with the process. Uh how to fight intrusive, lustful thoughts? This is the question. How do I fight intrusive, lustful thoughts? Confess it immediately to the Lord. Nip lust at the bud in the heart. Go right there. Go right for it, right at the root. Next, does a previous struggle with pornography disqualify a man from ministry? No. Just like a previous struggle with anger or silliness doesn't make a man not temperate or or not dignified. Elders should, though, ensure that it's no longer a present sin gaining a foothold in his life. And so, but no previous struggle would disqualify a man from ministry, especially pre-conversion. Now, post-conversion, again, uh, there are going to be men who wrestle with things in their immaturity and their being a new believer. But local elders should examine that man's life. He should not be elevated to leadership quickly. First Timothy 3 speaks to that, that no one should be a novice. You're not, you're not elevating a novice quickly. But past sin, for the most part, does not disqualify a man from pastoral ministry. Perhaps one might be very slow, or perhaps there would be some elders who say if a man has engaged in uh rape or molesting a child or is it has been a danger to society in those ways, uh, that there would be some hesitancy there. And all of those things should be dealt with at the elder level, and rightfully so, I think caution is always our friend, and God will make it very clear when a man is no longer held back by these encumbrances. All right, next. How should pastors counsel the opposite sex in personal matters that involve sexual sin? It's a good question. Let me just share from my own life. Other people may have different views, but this is my podcast, and you asked me. So let me tell you, I personally do not counsel these situations unless the husband and wife are present. I'm not going to counsel a woman alone, let alone regarding her sexual sin. A husband present, dialoguing with my brother, him bringing it, her sharing, and the two of them with their pastor, different case with my brother there, and this being a moment of pastoral counseling. But with that said, my preference in these cases, after the initial contact has been made with a couple and they're sharing, and we're talking, and I'm giving some direction biblically. My preference is that a woman counsels that woman. And maybe in your context, you're like, all right, Costi, I see what you did there. You know, you'll meet with them as a pastor, and then you'll you'll pass her off to a woman, and now it was her husband present, and now that. But listen, I'm the only counselor in this town or in my church. So, you know, I have to counsel women alone. I would say, listen, if that's your context, invite your wife into that meeting. And you say, Well, I can't because she's busy, we have a lot of kids, or it doesn't work that way, or it's not easy to do that, or my wife isn't capable of handling these type of situations. Okay, then outsource to the nearest biblical counselor to the best you can do. And in today's media age, you can get that woman on a Zoom call, even for counseling and walking with other Titus II women in your church. So there is a way to do this. If someone is very resistant to that, or a pastor's like, no, I've got to be the one. Two things could be present. Number one, my brother, uh, we all get this, but it's superhero complex. Like you and I, we're just the only ones who can do it. We're we're the be all end all. No, we're not. So let's not overestimate our importance. Uh, second, there could be an emotional attachment by that pastor, and he needs to uh deal with that, and the elders should deal with that quick because if he's the only one that can deal with her and she has to have him, uh there could be issues there that should be talked about. How to overcome shame of past sexual sin? Oh, such a good question. Let me just say truth to you. Walk in the grace of God as a genuine believer. If you've repented of your sin, you've placed your faith in Christ, he's given you a new heart, walk in the truth of what what he of what God says about you. That your sin has been removed from you as far as the east is from the west. He he remembers your sin. He he has chosen to wash it away, to overlook it, to remove it far from you. He's not staring at it, thinking about it, dwelling on it. No, he sees Christ in you. He sees a righteousness not your own given by his son. So walk in that truth. There's no shame now. You have been set free from the bondage of sin and shame. Grace, forgiveness, restoration, those are your labels. You are not your past sexual sin. Okay. Uh oh, masturbation questions. These are important ones. This this was the most. I have a note here from my team that says so many questions about masturbation. Uh so here's the deal. Why is it sinful? Is it okay within marriage? Let me just cover the gauntlet of these. Number one, masturbation is sin. Okay. It is sin. I'm gonna come at this thing from a number of different angles. I'm gonna make my case. You may not like it, you may not agree. Uh, masturbation is sin. First, it involves lust. You are self-gratifying and self-satisfying. You are in just about every case, and I know what people might be thinking, well, what if it's my spouse? What if I'm so masturbation, sin, it involves lust. You're self-satisfying, self-gratifying. Nowhere in scripture is that supported. You're lusting, lust is sin. So in most every case, that is present. If somebody says, Well, I'm thinking about my spouse, you know, that's often the argument that young people will give, or different people old, it doesn't matter what age. Uh, here's the deal: nowhere in scripture does it showcase God's design for sexual fulfillment or enjoyment or that function to be associated with a self or asexual act, meaning you and yourself. So it's not even a biblical design. That's just not what God intended that experience for. And so people say, well, what about this? What about this? What about this? Is like the Bible never says don't speed, but it's against the law to speed. The Bible doesn't say a lot of things, but we can infer from the way God has designed something and given it what is proper, what is not, what is the purpose, what is not. Another reason, though, it's also sinful in marriage because 1 Corinthians 7 4 says that the husband and wife's bodies belong to each other. So we cannot gratify ourselves. We're to use our own bodies for intimacy with our spouse. We are to gratify our spouse and enjoy intimacy with our spouse. So we don't self-satisfy and self-gratify. It carries out the deeds of the flesh. That's another reason. People will argue this and they'll they'll enter into some sort of pastoral counseling or they'll tell people in their accountability groups or something, you know, I need relief or whatever. I need this, I need that, you know, the need argument. It's sinful. Galatians 5.16 unpacks the truth about walking by the spirit and not carrying out the deeds of the flesh. When you insist on self-gratification, that is the opposite of spirit-filled, spirit-controlled walking. It's the opposite of the behavior we're called to. So it's sin, it's a deed of the flesh, and it should be repented of. And then lastly, and this question came in, what if you have your spouse's permission? Well, my response to that is since when does your spouse giving you permission to sin mean you should sin? We tell wives, right? Biblically, submit to your husband as unto the Lord, but we also tell wives, you have no obligation to submit to your husband into sin, nor would we ever submit to government into sin. So just because I have permission from my spouse to sin, do I, in the words of Paul, may it never be. And then finally, use your body for its God-given purpose. Enjoy intimacy in its proper place. Uh, the husband and wife's bodies belong to one another. Use them for such purposes. You go back to the garden, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. It's a joy. So cultivate that relationship for your fulfillment. That's God's design. Masturbation is sin. It is not normal or natural as part of God's design. It is outside of God's order and purpose. It is a temptation to self-gratification, self-love. And there's no way around that. Permission or not, it is outside of the biblical design for sex and fulfillment. Next question. These are good, these are deep. This one. Uh what to do if a spouse uh likes unwholesome talk in their intimacy times. Read Ephesians 4 29. There's no place for such unwholesome talk anywhere, including what Hebrews calls the marriage bed. Now, I'm not saying that a couple shouldn't have open communication about their intimacy. Every couple should talk about these things. They should be open. Uh, I'm not some sex counselor, I'm a pastor, just going based on what the Bible says. You're married. I'm married to my wife. We talk openly about all things in life. That's what every married couple should do. There's no uh stone we don't check under in our marriage. How are our hearts? How are our minds? What's on your heart? What's we should talk? So I'm not saying don't talk about these things like intimacy. You can never talk about it. No, God's given the gift of biblical intimacy and sex. You should communicate about that. We should have an openness together. But it is worldly and wicked to engage in what this question speaks to, this objectifying language, especially if a spouse is uncomfortable. Like if a husband or wife says, I don't, I don't like that. That's not appropriate. That's not godly. That's against the Bible, and it doesn't matter if if that's what you desire, uh, that's sinful, then hold the line on what is biblical and respectful while enjoying God's good and beautiful gift of sexual intimacy. I hope that's helpful on that question. I think in today's media age and with the rampant use of pornography, the objectification of women and men, but a lot of it, the objectification of women has has given way to this uh sort of uh ethic in intimacy that should be absolutely spoken to with strong truth. Should habitual use of pornography lead to church discipline? Uh I believe so in cases where no repentance or fight against it is present. Church discipline could be go to your brother, show him his sin, bring witnesses, confirm every fact, and then if they're still not repentant, put them out. Yeah, if there's no sin uh being repented of, if it's unchecked, no one cares, doing what they want, absolutely it could get to that point where church discipline is prevalent, uh, or present rather. How do I help kids or friends who are questioning their own sexuality? Here's a few thoughts. First, talk to them about the truth. The more they know the truth, the more of an opportunity for the power of the scriptures to wash over their mind and soul and to renew their mind. You know, a lot of kids in this generation that are going to wrestle with their identity. They've heard things, seen things, they're bombarded with things, especially if they're on social media. So stop giving your kids phones when they're way too young for it. Uh walk with them closely in these things. Second, be directly involved with helping them pick friends. Teach your kids how to pick the right friends. Uh for kids, sometimes they think, well, I'm gonna want to be an overbearing parent. And oh, it's a nice kid, you know, we go to a Christian school, like they should be fine. You don't know what the parents are teaching, you don't know what their church teaches, you don't know what they're watching, you don't know what they see on their phone if they have one, and most kids do. Who they hang around with will influence their worldview. If your kids are questioning their sexuality, look no further than the ground zero of their relationships for intel about what or who is shaping them. And finally, understand the questions about sexual identity often don't come from the heart. Not saying they can't, but I'm saying they often don't as much as they come from outside influence. Social media, movies, ideology, uh, friends, people that are not parenting their children faithfully, their kids grow up to be a problem for other kids, introducing ideas. And I'm not saying don't watch movies now. Oh, you can't have social media, oh, you can't go here, can't go there, can't do anything. No, I'm not saying live in a bubble. I'm saying be aware that the relationships you allow and the influence you open them up to will shape them. And when your kids don't know who they are, others will be happy to shape who they are. There's a HB Charles quote. He says, Don't wait to teach your kids God's ways because the world will not wait to teach your kids its ways. The world is circling the wagons. Give your kids the truth. A few more here. Why does it feel like sexual sin is ranked higher than other sins? Basically, because the devastation it causes, it involves others, it destroys marriages, there's children, there's church, there's our witness. All of these things are given by God as gifts. Some of them are mandates, some of them are the covenant of God, the covenant of God in marriage, the covenant of God with the church, all these things. So uh one understand that sexual sin becomes so devastating that people rank it higher as far as the wake of destruction that it causes. All right, one of our last questions working out at public gyms, but lots of temptation to lust with how people dress. Should I avoid the gym? Or what are some strategies to help? All right, here's the deal. I don't know your whole context. I don't know the specifics, I don't know what you struggle with, but here's the honest truth is yeah, gyms can just be what one friend likes to call a meat market where everything's just displayed and like for sale, and I don't know what people's intentions are, but I remember when I moved to Arizona about five years ago, I went to an LA fitness one time, and I basically just walked out and went, what in the world? I hadn't been working out for a little while. I was kind of old and out of the out of the deal. Uh, but I had been an athlete. My wife had been a college athlete as well. Uh we're millennials, and so we're aware of how things are, but the everything had changed. It was like more on display, and there was almost, it seemed like a goal to wear not like half your clothing, but less than half. It was chaos. So I got out of there and I got some stuff at home, and now I work out at a buddy's garage gym, courtesy of my buddy. He lets me go and work out. I'm super thankful. Uh, 6 a.m. mornings away from the world. I just get to go into my environment, work out, be healthy. I want to live out the days that God has sovereignly numbered for me. I want to do that healthy and do that with strength and energy. Uh, and so that's the focus. My my wife works out in an all-women environment. We do walks together, weather permitting. We we got some you know, cheap weights in the garage and we uh got a treadmill on one of those like Facebook marketplace things. And uh, so there there have been some cost-effective ways to get a little bit of equipment. So if the mood strikes on a weekend or there's a certain stretch of time where we we want to exercise or do different things, we're gonna do that. The bottom line though is we're not trying to intentionally go into environments where women or or men are literally less than half dressed. And so we're using wisdom with that. We're aware of it. Same thing with like the beach, the pool, you can add different environments to this. We're just mindful of that. Everyone should be. You're going somewhere where you know people will intentionally be presenting their body in just provocative ways. And so if you're if you're a beachgoer and you love your vacations and and like like us, you go certain places and there's water and whatever, be intentional. I mean, if you ever wonder how do the hens go to the beach, well, we look for places that are not populated. And sometimes we've had to leave because it's just a a sad reality that there's just too much around. I've got sons, me, my wife, our kids, and we're not just trying to go sit somewhere and go, well, you know, I'll just pray the whole time. No, we'll we'll leave. But other times we'll go to places that are secluded. We intentionally go or vacation or look for locations that are not heavily populated. We find an area with a lot of space and we enjoy that. But I'm perfectly happy to give that up if it means not waltzing into environments that are intentionally built for that or designed for that. And so uh do your own convictions, no doubt. But what is biblical should be all of our convictions, and that's to be vigilantly guarding our hearts and our eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul. So use wisdom. It does matter. Uh finally, where's the line between relying too much on people for accountability and relying on the Lord? Let me give some thoughts. When you're content to tell people your sin, but you lack prayer, you lack action, you don't fear the Lord, but you you do these like group therapy sessions where you just confess it all, everyone's like, awesome. Oh, you're struggling, me too, and you just go on your way. Uh, you've lost the purpose of accountability. And then another thought on this is if you have to have your hand held, your heart is the issue anyway. I'll give you an example. Somebody recently said, with all this stuff going on in evangelicalism, they said this, my wife was present. You know, we can't have Costi ever travel alone. Costi can't travel to these conferences, you're right. We need to always send them with people. And my wife said, Look, that's great. Like if guys from the church want to go, or if people want to pay their own way, or if there's a budget for like a plus one, hey, that's that's awesome. Love that my husband has his friends with him and he's going to minister. But if Costi, my wife's exact words, if Costi needs to have his hand held and to be watched, if someone has to like stay in his hotel room and follow him around everywhere so that he doesn't commit sexual sin, his heart is already the issue. My husband is doomed already because he's not living the very things he was just preaching out of Matthew 5, because our church is going through the gospel of Matthew. And I kind of looked over at her and was like, come on, woman, you know, preach. She's not allowed, she's a woman, she can't pastor or preach, but uh, you know, testify, proclaim. She was sharing the reality of what I'm telling you. If you have to have your hand held, the heart is the issue. So that's the line between relying too much on people and not fearing the Lord. Definitely involve others. But if you have to have people, like if you've got to go kind of rent your own pastor or rent your own accountability group, you're like, you have to come everywhere and watch me. Don't let me do something crazy. Brother, your heart is already the problem. No one can stop you when you really want it. But the fear of the Lord will. Okay, that's it. We made it through. That's a long QA, but I hope it was helpful. Uh, thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. Thanks for sharing, thanks for supporting. I hope the series on sexual sin has been a blessing to you. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to our For the Gospel YouTube channel. And to learn more about our ministry, to become a monthly gospel patron, you can go to for thegospel.org. I'll be back with another episode next Monday. Keep on living for the gospel.