Welcome to the For the Gospel Podcast, where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Kosti Hinn. And whether you're listening to this on your favorite podcast platform or watching on our YouTube channel, I'm thankful that you've joined me today for this episode. Now, today I'm starting a new series and it's on marriage and it's intended to strengthen you in this area. I know that not everyone listening is married, but here's the deal. If you are, this of course is going to be a really helpful tune up, whether you're struggling or not. We can really never have too much biblical encouragement for our marriages. If you're single or dating and you're desiring marriage, this is going to get you ready and help you navigate selecting the right person or growing in your current relationship. And if you're engaged and you're on the road to marriage, this is definitely going to help you tune things up and be ready for the big day and life beyond. But there is another group, and that is the divorced whom God is not done with yet, and you may remarry, or the widow or widower who can pour into others should you not remarry. I think a series like this is good for all of us because marriage is one of God's greatest gifts to us as believers, but also people. Unbelievers are given the common grace gift of marriage when done properly, according to biblical parameters. So in this episode, I'm going to walk you through nine keys to strengthen your marriage. It'll be like a foundational springboard, and then we'll jump into God's calling for wives. We'll have some teaching and dig in on that, and then we'll go husbands, and then I've got a few surprises for you with the QA as we wrap things up. But all in all, really excited to dig in with you each and every week on marriage. Let's jump right in. The first key to strengthening your marriage is prayer. If you do not pray and take your marriage to the Lord, you're missing out on one of God's great gifts to your marriage. Prayer is so key. And you can apply this to anything in the Christian life, whether it's trying to figure out God's will, a season of weakness, trials, challenges, victories, all of it. But we ought to take our marriages to the Lord in prayer. And this can be and ought to be times of prayer together, but even separately, where you may have a challenge or a struggle with your husband or with your wife. And instead of attacking them or going at them or venting and going out with your uh friends, be those your girl friends or your guy friends, and just popping off about everything. What about going to the Lord in prayer? What about lifting up our spouse to him, asking for him to do his work, asking that the Spirit would sanctify, strengthen, alleviate, heal, restore, expose? All of those things are good things. You could even be praying, Lord, open my eyes to my own sin, or open the eyes of my wife or my husband, if you're a woman, to their weakness or their sin in this area. I don't want to be the Holy Spirit driving elbows into their ribcage during sermons or every day or be a nag or be domineering. Please, I ask that you would stir up their heart so it would come from a genuine place of wanting to change and not just me being a nag. Prayer separately, but also prayer together. We ought to be going to the Lord together. It's really hard to stay in marrow conflict if you're praying together. It's really difficult to see one another as the enemy when you're looking at the problem now and going to the Lord in prayer, and you are against the issue, but not one another. Prayer. Number two, obedience to scripture. This is a key for a strong marriage, and it starts with obeying the gospel and being in Christ and loving the Lord and having a marriage that's founded on Christ. When I say obedience to scripture is the key to a strong marriage, I mean basing your view of marriage, the way you do marriage, the way you navigate marriage based on the divine word of God. And so that's gonna mean the gospel being center in your marriage, the gospel being a foundation, going back to it time and time again. It means basing your marriage on scripture as its highest authority. So you're not gonna do what your mom or dad said to do or an opinion of the world if it's not linked to scripture. You're not gonna listen to some marriage guru, some Instagram weirdo saying, hey, do this and do that to spice up your marriage or fix your marriage or this, that, and the other. No, you're gonna say, does God's word teach it? Can I root this particular principle or action item in Scripture? If not, look, there's a lot of helpful general insights or opinions or preferences that you might like or might not like, but I'll tell you this right now. Scripture is the only and key way to have a strong marriage. That includes God's order for the home, how we view our roles, what a wife says is her role, what a husband says is his role, isn't based on the opinions of this world or the culture. It's based on the word of God. One of the reasons that dating relationships will turn disastrous in marriage is because they didn't talk about the foundation of marriage being built on scripture. They didn't talk about Christ. They didn't talk about the Bible, they didn't talk about God's order for the home. They ordered their marriage according to worldly insights. They planned a great wedding, they had a lot of fun together, they were best friends and did lots of activities and generally speaking kept the peace and got a little bit stressed out when the flowers were being planned and she had to pick the right dress. But the question is, did you do the same amount of work and even more digging into the spiritual priorities that matter when you're preparing for marriage? And so the questions must be asked: Are we being obedient to God's design in our marriage right now? Are we considering God's design as we prepare for marriage? Do we embrace some aspects but brush others under the rug? All of that, so important. Obedience to scripture is going to be a key for a strong marriage. Number three, forgiveness. I love this quote. I heard it from an older man once. He said, A great marriage is the union of two great forgivers. We've got to have forgiveness at the center of our marriage. That comes from the gospel and Christ having forgiven us. And since we have been forgiven much, then of course we're going to forgive much. In a marriage, you're going to offend people. As a pastor, I know that, of course, I'm perfect and we never sin, but let me just ruin whatever veneer you think is there. My wife and I, we have what one of our pastors at the church, Pastor Kevin Hay, always says, you know, husbands and wives, it's it's healthy sometimes. We have intense fellowship. He calls conflict intense fellowship. My wife and I sometimes, we have intense fellowship. People will have intense fellowship in their marriage. If you're not, there's a good chance that you're not being completely honest or you're just kind of playing it safe and shallow. That's not to say that y'all should be fighting every day and going at it, but there are going to be times where the husband says something the wrong way and his wife is offended by that. And she is not being oversensitive, but a husband is being insensitive. There are going to be times where a wife says something or does something that the husband is offended by. And it's not him just being a big baby, as some people will throw out there, but it's he's deeply offended and it's it's bothersome for him. And a husband and a wife who are able to say, Hey, I'm sorry. Would you forgive me? Not I'm sorry you're so sensitive. Oh, I'm sorry you're so hormonal. I'm sorry you're so emotional. Oh, I'm sorry you're you're just, you know, bothered by no, but I'm sorry. Would you please forgive me? A great marriage is the union of two great forgivers. We're gonna have quote unquote intense fellowship. It's gonna happen. And Ephesians 4.32 says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. There's this important aspect of forgiveness that flows out of Colossians 3.18 for husbands in particular. It says, Husbands, do not be embittered against your wives. I find it interesting that Paul would have to say that. Why? Well, because it means that maybe husbands in particular, at least that's what the Bible highlights. Husbands are gonna get a little bothered by things or become a little harsh or embittered, or she's gonna do something that frustrates you. And why that word to a husband in Colossians 3.18? Because we are to emulate the love of Christ and we're to love her as Christ loved the church, which means sometimes she's gonna f uh frustrate you, and you are going to have to forgive. That is what 1 Corinthians 13 love does. You and I, we cannot scorekeep our marriages, keeping a tally on all the things they've done to hurt us, and then unleash it in a moment when, you know, we're finally everything's reached a head now, we're just gonna explode. No, we forgive and we move on. And that approach is going to reinforce an anti-divorce, anti-quit attitude in your marriage. We're not looking for reasons to leave each other. We're committed, we're forgiving, and we're walking in love. Number four, transparency. The Bible paints an overall picture of transparency playing an integral part of any healthy relationship, but we can apply this to a marriage. Think about transparency with God for a moment. First John 1 9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. You think about that for a moment. What leads to a healthy relationship with God, our Father? Transparency, being honest. So it will be in a healthy Christian marriage. James 5.16 says, confess your sins to one another and be healed. I think a healthy marriage is going to be a place of honest confession, where a husband and a wife are sharing their heart with one another. And they're taking those things to the Lord. They're taking those things to one another. Transparency also applies to our integrity in marriage. Proverbs 10, verse 9 says, He who walks with integrity walks securely. A marriage that is undergirded by transparency, the right kind and honesty, is going to be strong. You're going to walk secure. You don't have a lot of secrets. You don't have a lot of weird and worldly, you know, don't tell the boss or don't do there, or what he knows won't hurt him. No, marriage is oneness, biblically speaking. If we're one, we ought to be transparent. And I really think that's important because suddenly our sin issues are shared, our victories are shared, our heartaches, our joy, our money, our trials, all of it. The oneness in that sense leads to health, strength, unity, and thriving. We need to be transparent with our husband or our wife. Number five, communication. Consistent communication has always been God's way as leading and loving his people. That's the way God operates with us. So why wouldn't we emulate that in our marriages? I want you to just think about some of these biblical examples. God gives Adam and Eve clear direction. They mess it up. God gives Adam and Eve clear correction. He gives affirmation to Abel. He reprimands Cain. Right from the beginning, God is communicating with his creation. He instructs Noah, he promises Abraham. He appoints his judges and calls them to guide his people. What does he do to his prophets? He reveals himself to the prophets and then says, Go and reveal me to the people. He proclaims and communicates to Israel in their rebellion, and then he predicts Israel's restoration in all of prophetic literature, saying, If you obey and if you do these things, and if you'll turn back from idols and turn to your God, what does he do in these last days? The Bible says he speaks through his son. He has spoken through his son. He delivers his final word. God's given us scripture. The divine, breathed out revelation of our God has been delivered to us. God is a communicator. He will call all mankind one day to stand before his judgment. He will communicate clearly who is accepted into heaven and who is rejected and sent to eternal hell. God is a communicator. And so from the creation of man to the culmination of all things, God speaks. His word reveals, and his will is made known. So a Christian marriage seeking to emulate the heart of God the Father and the will of Jesus Christ our Savior, well, it's going to be a marriage filled with communication. People who talk, people who are open, people who share, people who are clear. A biblical marriage must operate in a way that is open. That's going to mean a husband and a wife as one refuse to live as ships passing in the night. Instead, they communicate. I want to relate to you for a moment just from my own life. I often share with you in that way and have my wife's permission to do so. We are in a season where we have six kids. They are from ages four months old to almost 11 years old. Six kids. You can sometimes feel in the midst of the piano lessons and the basketball practices and awana and church and small group and fellowship and birthday parties and church events, all of that can feel like a rat race sometimes. And we love it. Our kids are involved in the ministry. We do a ton of stuff together. But one of the things we must consistently, I say, fight for, meaning prioritize, is communication. There are nights, there are blocks, there are moments where just sitting together and talking is something we say we're not budging on that. And I would rather offend people and win at home than please people and lose in my first ministry. Communication in your marriage is important. It doesn't matter, brothers, what the work schedule is. It doesn't matter how much money you could make. It doesn't matter if I could do that extra ministry event or go meet with that other person and do a little recruitment on this front and do a little more of that. And oh, I could just make one more for the gospel video. And oh, I could just, you know, study a little more. Oh, good. I I can't be all things to all people. You can't be all things to all people. And when it comes down to your boss and your bride, brother, your bride always wins. I have a really sweet friend who he's an older gentleman. He's mentored me in some ways. And he once said, you know, cheat the church, not your family. Cheat the schedule for others, not your family. And what he meant was not something nefarious, like cheat the church. He said basically, look, if it comes down to it, don't rob your family and your wife of your heart, your communication, your energy, your focus, and your time. If you've got to say no to things on the church side and offend some people, so be it. Do not lose at home. Because ministers have a habit, and maybe you, you're in business or other things in life that are the bread and butter for your life and your provision. Ministers have a habit of saying, well, it's ministry, it's all for the Lord. And we cheat the family, and the ministry gets everything. And pretty soon what happens? Resentment, a lack of communication, a home that's hurting, but you can never tell anyone why. Well, because you know that's that's how we pay the bills. Brothers, sisters, communicate. Talk often, protect your home, make it your first ministry, and let people come and go. Let them be offended if it comes down to winning at home or not. Not needlessly, but you know what I mean. Number six, intimacy. First Corinthians chapter seven, verses four to five is so clear that a healthy marriage is going to have healthy and consistent intimacy in that the way we view one another. The wife does not, Paul says, have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. What does that mean? It means that we belong to one another. This isn't to be a weapon or something of abuse, of course, but it is just clear. Your wife, brother, belongs to you. Your husband, sister belongs to you. There is to be intimacy and consistency and a love for one another. That can look different in every marriage, but there is to be a focus on one another. What does Paul then say? It's from the Bible, not Costi's opinion. Stop depriving one another. I mean stop rejecting one another, stop withholding love and affection and intimacy, except by agreement for a time. So there are spiritual things we do and there's life, so you can devote yourself to prayer and then come together again. So Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Look, needs are needs. And in a healthy marriage, we're going to be considering the needs of our spouse above ourselves. In Hebrews 13, verse 4, we see the priority of purity in the marriage and in intimacy. Hebrews 13, 4 says, Let the marriage be held in honor among all. And look at this in the Bible. Let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. It's scripture, not some weird worldly sex therapist to these people out there giving all their opinions. No, the Bible says, let the marriage bed be undefiled. And so we need to be protecting our intimacy and approaching it in a way that is biblical and appropriate and healthy. Those passages stand on their own. And so be thinking about the way God's word informs intimacy versus the way this world approaches it. The world sees nothing wrong with emotional affairs, physical ones, unless you get caught. And worse, there's all of these terms now today, open relationships and polyamorous relationships, and all of this wickedness and sin that is meant to destroy healthy marriages. The enemy hates healthy marriages with proper intimacy and a biblical framework for it. And so we need to protect and honor our commitment there and protect the purity of our marriages. There is a lot more that can be said, but I'll just highlight two other passages from the Old Testament. Proverbs chapter 5, verses 18 to 19 says, Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Like a loving doe and a graceful mountain goat, let her breast satisfy you at all times. Be exhilarated always with her love. There's a good line for you, fellas. If you're not very poetic, you can tell your wife today, hey, I am exhilarated with your love. She may look at you like you're a little weird if that's not your style, but you can just say, hey, sorry, stole it from the Bible. Rejoice in your wife. She is your number one. She's everything. She's the bride God's given you, the treasure, the crown jewel. Enjoy her and be a one-woman man. Song of Solomon 3, verse 4 has this beautiful declaration that says, I have found the one my soul loves. It was uh Henry Ford, his sage advice when he was asked on his 50th wedding anniversary for his rule for marital bliss and longevity. They'd made it 50 years. It's Henry Ford, pretty well-known guy. And he says, Yeah, it's just the same as in the automobile business. Stick to one model. That is a good word. And it's not necessarily from the Bible or a preacher, but Henry Ford certainly said it best. Stick to one model. How about honor? Number seven. Honor is a great way to strengthen your marriage. And what I mean is Romans chapter 12, verse 10 says, be devoted to one another in brotherly love. And then he goes on to say, outdo one another in showing honor. What if we did that? What if we viewed marriage as a game of tennis, but we're not trying to win by firing one down the line or, you know, hitting an ace and saying, like, what's up now? You know, I won in a marriage. If we're having intense fellowship and you're having conflict and someone wins, that means someone loses. Well, if we're won, when somebody loses, we've both lost. The goal is to win together. We're not trying to fire down the line with aggressive and cutting remarks. We're not trying to degrade them publicly or privately. A lot of marriages today experience what is a worldly approach of women venting about their husband, tearing down their husband, or guys saying, Yeah, the old ball and chain, you know, this wife, this nag, the old bag, all that stuff. That is sinful. That is not biblical, and that's not the way we are to approach honoring our spouse. If we honor them, we are trying to outdo them in giving preference. We put them above ourselves. It's a lot more like playing tennis for enjoyment. We're volleying back and forth, and we're enjoying the back and forth of compliments and complimentary roles and teamwork and accomplishing goals and overcoming challenges and attacking problems together. The goal is not to beat her or beat him and win the argument. The goal is to enjoy one another back and forth, back and forth, expressing love, care, and honor for this gift that God has given. And so honor matters. Number eight, peace. And by this, maybe you want to say peaceful. It's the mark of a strong marriage. But I remember talking to a pastor once. He had just celebrated 50 years of marriage. He was laughing about how him and his wife are very different, and God uses that. He said this, I'll never forget it. I burst out laughing. He said, I'm French, she's British, and the war continues. And I was cracking up because I had asked, you know, do you guys have riffs all the after all these years? Do you ever fight or have conflict? He said, Oh, sure, sure. You never stop having some sort of conflict here and there. You just learn how to fight fair. There's the win-win. It flows right out of showing honor to one another, like Romans 12, and into seeking peace. Peace is a mark of a strong marriage. Seeking peace is how you achieve a healthy marriage. You're looking for ways to love one another and to learn from one another. And I remember this pastor actually saying that every Wednesday, she brings a pad of paper. They go on a date, they talk. And if there's anything that they need to work out, it's on that pad of paper. And maybe for you, that's a helpful way to work things out in marriage if you know you have a night or a block or a time in which you're going to talk. It may not be best every day and every hour to micromanage one another. That doesn't always lead to peace. There's things we should be patient with and overlook. But hey, a healthy marriage is going to embrace the fact that we're different and we can have peaceful unity and walk in love by digging into those things, communicating them, and having healthy conflict resolution. Healthy conflict resolution is one of the marks of maturity, not only in the Christian life, but in our marriages. Proverbs 15, 1 says, A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. There is constructive and there is destructive approaches to conflict in a marriage. Seeking peace together is one of the best ways to be constructive. Finally, number nine, prioritized. A healthy marriage, a strong marriage is a priority. This is gonna mean that you have many meaningful pursuits in your life. You work hard at your job, you take care of your health, you enjoy hobbies and recreation and God's creation. You pour your lives into your children, you pour your life into your church, you pursue the lost, you forsake all to live for Christ. Yes and amen. But in all of these things, you want a strong marriage? Prioritize it as your first ministry. You got to put your best effort into your marriage. This is something that we will all fail at at times or feel like we're missing the mark on. Yeah, we all do. And you got to course correct and go back to what it's all about. The same way that you might go to the ends of the earth to finish a project to hit your business goals, land a dream job, you go on a bucket list trip. Uh, you guys who like to golf, I enjoy a little golf. You want to fine-tune the swing, and so you go to the driving range, you put in a little extra time here, there, and everywhere to do certain things better. The same way that people go all out to serve the church, maybe even to lead a church, talking to myself and pastors who listen. Maybe it's, you know, the effort you put into creative arts and some of your passions as an artisan, all those things worthy of hard effort and max effort. But we do need to ask, and it's helpful. Am I putting that same effort into my marriage? Our marriages are the first and highest ministry. And so prioritized is healthy. Not prioritized is a recipe for resentment, conflict, disaster, maybe divorce. You, if you have to, take the last flight out and the first flight home. If you have to, say no to good things to prioritize the great things. If you have to, slow down at work to win her heart again. Slow down with your recreation and hobbies. Miss a workout, whatever you need to do. If your marriage is suffering, look at your life and say, What can go? This is my ultimate and first ministry. Colossians 3 23 says, Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for man. I would say many athletes have quoted that passages, and you'll have guys put it on their eye black. You have people apply that to the way they work at their job, ministry, but what if we applied that most to our marriages? Those are at least just nine ways to strengthen your marriage. You could add more. I'm sure that there's older, wiser individuals who would put a few other things on that list. And so I'd encourage you to plagiarize and customize, if you will. Edit, adjust, add some things, but use this as a devotional springboard for your own life and your own marriage. Talk about it with your spouse, talk about it with somebody if you're dating or you're engaged and think through these nine particular keys. We're just getting started in this series. Next time, we'll talk about God's calling for wives to be submissive to their husbands as unto the Lord and dig into the role of a biblical wife. I do want to say this as we get into this series, if your marriage is in a troublesome place right now and you haven't already, I want to encourage you to talk with one of your pastors to seek counseling and to put God's word into action. No matter what you're going through, there's hope for our marriages through the power of God's word. And you say, Well, Costi, I don't know how to start that conversation, or it feels kind of awkward when we're just gonna out of nowhere say, like, we need to work on our marriage. You know what? Use me, use the podcast. Say, hey, I was listening to something, and it got me thinking about some ways that I want to grow. Personalize it, say for yourself, and and some things in my life and our marriage that I would love to grow in and be challenged by. And so I wanted to ask you, and you can talk to your pastor, you could talk to a friend, you could certainly gotta talk to your spouse, and just use this conversation as an opportunity to trigger deeper reflection and counseling and growth. It doesn't have to be awkward and weird, it doesn't have to be out of left field and you gotta be all intense about it. You can just say, hey, I've been thinking, and this is an area that's serious. I want to grow in. It starts with me, but would you be willing to dig in on marriage with me? Thanks for listening, thanks for watching, thanks for sharing, and thanks for supporting our ministry here at For the Gospel. Don't forget, for free weekly video teachings and daily encouragement, make sure that you're subscribed to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and X. For weekly articles on our blog, you can go to for thegospel.org and there's more information about our ministry there as well. We love you. Grateful for you. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. Keep on living for the gospel.