Welcome to the For the Gospel Podcast, where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Kosti Hinn. And whether you're listening to this on your favorite podcast platform or watching on our YouTube channel, I'm thankful you've joined me for this episode. Now we're in a series on marriage, and we started last time with nine keys for a strong marriage. And I hope that was helpful. Now, today we're gonna get into specifics for wives and dig into some practical applications over the next couple of episodes, then jump to the husbands. I'll give you a preview of where we're going. Today, submissive wives. Next episode, it'll be a wife and her home. And I want to talk a little bit about what culture says about women, the home and work, and what some of the ditches are that we should watch out for. And then we'll go to the husbands, and it'll be sacrificial husbands and then a husband and his home. And the reason for that order, even though men are to be the spiritual leaders in a marriage, is that's the order Paul gives in the book of Ephesians. So we'll just go by what scripture says. And along the way, I understand there'll always be some ladies that are hearing these first two episodes and thinking, man, I, you know, I need to submit. Like I hope my husband is gonna get it on his. Like, don't be the Holy Spirit and be elbowing people in the ribs, your spouse. Let's just go to the scriptures and let it shape us. Conversely, you know, some people might think, like, Costi, take it easy on the men, man. Like, my wife's the problem. Look, let's just take the humble approach on all fronts and say, we need marriage tune-ups. It's best to look in the mirror and not look at our spouse as the primary problem, but say, Lord, let's start with me. Deal with my heart, my own sin issues, and that will breed more unity when two people are looking in the mirror and not attacking each other. So let's begin by reading Ephesians chapter 5, 22 to 24, and then we'll jump into three particular keys for the ladies. Paul says, Wives be subject to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. The Bible, very clear that wives are to be submissive to their own husbands. And so let's just start number one by saying a godly wife is submissive. And we're going to unpack that further, but that's the truth. A godly wife is submissive. He says in verse 22, wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Let's really just make sure we're clear here. Your own husband, not every other man, not every other husband, but your own. And the words be subject is the same passive verb used in verse 21. It carries over to verse 22. It's the verb hopitaso, and it means to willingly submit or willingly place yourself under another. And so godly submission by a godly wife is to her own husband by her own choice. She's choosing. You ladies are choosing to submit to your husband. And that's the Greek word own husband, idios. It's a term that describes something you privately own or you have as your own possession. And so a wife willingly submits to the husband that belongs to her. It's the one she chooses. I tell my daughters this. My wife and I always chuckle about this as well. But we tell the young women in our church very seriously, and I want to tell you as a part of our ministry: look, choose wisely because you're choosing the one you will submit to. Don't pick a guy for the wrong reasons. Pick a man, date a man, court a man, be engaged to a man, say yes to a man, and marry a man that you are willing to submit to. You don't have to submit to every man. But when you do, you're saying, I am willing to come under this one. The ladies actually have way more power than they ever think because you don't have to say yes. This is not the 1800s. You're not going to be forced into a marriage. In American contexts, in the West at least, more commonly than not, you're not going to have an arranged marriage and have to be miserable. You choose the one you submit to. And it's important to understand as well, be subject, that verb, hubitasso, different than the word obey that's used for children in Ephesians 6.1. Therefore, it is foolish and pompous for a husband to just think like my wife has to obey me like a child. I dominate her. It's not blind enslavement. It's not forceful dominance. It is a wife saying, Oh no, I will follow. I will submit to you. I'll do what you're asking and what your leadership is directing, of course, as unto the Lord. It's a beautiful picture of marriage and submission. In a biblical way, a godly wife is saying, I get to submit to this one. He's mine, I'm his. And it's not the picture of a live-in maid or some slave who takes orders like a cooker, cleaner, uh, slave, just do what I say, and it's my way or the highway. She is submitting to the man who belongs to her and whom she belongs to. As unto the Lord is important because that's how the godly wife views her submission. She's coming under the headship of her husband, and the husband is not the end goal here. Pleasing the Lord is, and that's an important point. I think there are some women who make an unhealthy idol of their husband. I just submit, I'm so submissive, and you get all this kind of uh online caricature type material of the trad wife stuff and this, that, and the other. And she's just this doormat and, you know, can't even handle herself, and she just obeys everything. And it's like, yeah, that's that's not biblical submission. In a sense, it could be the right way that a wife is godly and she's meek and she's humble and a quiet spirit. Let's not uh denigrate that or poke fun at that. But let's just say it's not all about the husband. Paul says, as unto the Lord, meaning her submission to her husband is ultimately not merely about her husband, but it's about Christ. She submits to her husband to honor the Lord. And this is God's design, which is going to be helpful for maybe you ladies who struggle with submission a little bit, or it's against the feminism and the patterns of this world that have been pressed into your mind growing up. Maybe you had a mother who's a feminist, maybe you saw submission done poorly. When you say, as unto the Lord, you're being reminded this is God's design. Men didn't make this up. The quote, white patriarchy didn't come up with this. The Bible is clear. You're a daughter of the king, and it's the king's command that his daughters be submissive and they pick wisely the one they will submit to. Now, there's some interesting realities here when it comes to what Paul is saying. And it's a countercultural picture of marriage on a number of fronts. First, to address women at all, let alone first, would have been pretty shocking. Women were not treated with such a priority in those times. And so Paul is showing the importance of both roles and how women operate in a marriage and the fact that the way women operate in a marriage matters. Second, headship wouldn't have been shocking to the Ephesians. Uh, both parties carrying out their roles, though, in the way that Paul says would be new, as unto the Lord, or as Christ loves the church, as Christ is subject. All of these ways or the how, this is new. These qualifiers bring in this new perspective and new identity. Now, you're not just doing it out of blind dominance or blind submission. You're submitting or you're loving, you're the husband, and we'll get to that as under the Lord, like Christ. And so Christ is at the center of all of this. And then third, while headship was their order, submission was very rebelled against in Greco-Roman culture. Feminist rebellion was celebrated like it is today. There were cultural changes in the air at that time. Men were being openly homosexual, women were throwing all signs of headship off. They would shave their heads in an act of defiance. Prostitutes often did that. Women in power would flaunt their wealth, their bodies. A modesty and the high life were very attractive. It's nothing different today. You had one prominent goddess in Ephesus, and throughout Asia Minor, it's modern-day Turkey, named Sibylle, who was known as the great mother. She had effeminate male priests who were castrated before being able to serve her. And some of her nicknames included Lord, Master, Ruler, even Savior, and Mother of Gods. Very interesting. So, Paul, when he's giving these instructions, is giving them on the backdrop of that kind of paganism. You had the goddess Artemis of Ephesians, known for controlling the destiny of women. And she had a host of female priestesses who served her. And these goddesses and others, along with their priestesses, were a symbol of freedom and pleasure for women who were throwing off all the authority of men in their lives and traditional Greco-Roman society. Even Jews were being lured in. There's this particular book by Lee Levine, and it says in his book, The Ancient Synagogue, The First Thousand Years, that inscriptions in some synagogues in Asia Minor were putting women in leadership because the pressure from the surrounding culture was to put women in control. And so all of this was happening in Paul's day. It's not like it's really different than how it is now. God's design has always entered into pagan places and declared God's way is best and still the best, and it's not going to be easy. And that's just the reality. Still, God's design stands. Submission for wives will be hard because of the curse, but it's God's command. There's a passage in Genesis 3.16 that reminds us of the difficulty in the battle of the sexes. It says, To the woman he said, This is God, I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing, and in pain you will bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you. It's the picture of the curse because of sin. Pain in childbirth because of sin. And the desire, your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he will rule over you. The idea here is that a wife will want to dominate or want to control. She will want to take over. The Hebrew word there for desire is Teshuka. And there's two other times it's used in the Old Testament. It can be positive, like the longing of a lover in Solomon, Song of Solomon 7-Eleven. It says, I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me. But it can also be negative and mean to dominate and control, which is how it's used in Genesis. Genesis chapter 4, verses 6 to 7. The Lord says to Cain, Why are you so angry? And why is your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching out the door. It's desire, Teshuka, is contrary to you, but you must rule over it. It's the picture of something trying to control Cain or dominate him. It's the way this word is used in the book of Genesis. And the idea then applied to women is with Eve and the curse of Eve, a wife will struggle with trying to control her husband and dominate him. And so the battle of the sexes wasn't some clever idea or game or some uh you know thought given in a marriage therapist's office or book. It's from our sinful nature that men and women are going to be different and we're gonna have problems. A godly wife says, Yes, I have a sinful nature, and yes, this is not easy, but I will ultimately lay aside my desire to dominate, and I will submit to my husband as unto the Lord. Number two, a godly wife honors the Lord. I want to press in here on the picture of Christ and the relationship that a godly wife will have with the Lord. Verse 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. That seems to be about husbands, but it's it's the because. Why? Why does she submit? Well, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, and he's the savior of the body. So there's this beautiful relationship that involves honor. Submission is a key part of the wife's role because her husband is her head, literally meaning a kind of authority put in place to protect, provide, care, nurture, and guide to also correct, teach, and love as who? Christ. He's the head of the church, he's the savior of the body. And it doesn't mean that we're the savior like him in the sense that now we're the be all end all. I already said that there can be an unhealthy idolatry of a husband for some women, but it is a healthy love and respect. It's honoring him and honoring the Lord. And this shows how authority is used by Christ. He used his authority to save, to sanctify, to sacrifice, and to serve. And so a husband's authority is an opportunity to bless his wife, not oppress his wife. The structure in a marriage brings peace and God's blessing on a home. And so we have to understand that a godly wife honors the Lord. She's seeking to honor the Lord and submits to her husband in that because he is the head. Just like the Lord Jesus Christ used his authority in a godly way, and the church is to honor him in that. Well, so too a wife is to honor her husband. Now, I want to walk you through two practical truths about God's design for every wife from this text and some parallel passages. So we structure our homes in a way that honor the Lord and invite his blessing on our marriages. The first, number one, is that the Christian wife positions herself under her husband. So the way that we honor the Lord, you sisters, is by positioning yourself under your husband. What does that mean? Well, 1 Corinthians 11 3 explains that headship is a biblical pattern. It says, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. So this isn't Costi's idea, this isn't some weird teaching. I haven't gone off the rails, and anyone who teaches this has it. The Bible is clear. Headship is biblical. Paul goes on to explain in chapter 11, verse 8, for a man does not originate from woman, but woman from man. For indeed, man was not created for woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake. There's nothing we can do with that passage, but just take it at face value. Notice Paul doesn't reference culture or say this is some uh temporary thing or it's some chauvinistic Middle Eastern thing that one day won't apply in the West. Instead, he puts the emphasis on creation, God's order from the beginning was that Adam was created first, Eve was created to be his helpmate, both were valued, both equal in God's eyes spiritually as his children, and yet distinct by design and given roles that complement one another. And so, sisters, when you're placing yourself under, you're positioning yourself under your husband, it's not this subordinate little uh doormat, and now you're a second-class citizen. It's under his protection, his guidance, his care, and also being a helpmate to your leader. It's the ability with joy to say to your husband or about him, he is my head, he is my covering, he is my protector, he is my leader, I am his helpmate. He is the leading authority in this home, and he's using that authority the way Christ did. So helpful and so anti-feminism in today's culture. Number two, under that heading that a godly wife honors the Lord, a Christian wife will pursue a lifestyle of holiness in that. How do you honor the Lord? What is a way to honor your husband? It's to pursue a lifestyle of holiness, seeking the Lord, being a godly woman. First Peter chapter 3, verses 1 to 4 offer us this final practical truth, kind of under this heading, that in the same way you wives, be submissive to your own husbands. See, Peter agreed with Paul. This was not just something isolated to Paul's letters. Be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chast and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be, keyword, merely external. He's saying you ain't just trying to look fancy and fly, braiding of the hair, wearing gold jewelry, putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. What is this? This is a wife who is honoring the Lord, submitting to her husband, and in that she's focused on her holiness, her godliness. She's not defining beauty and strength the way the world does. She doesn't believe that showing off her body and flaunting her wealth increases her power. It's not a uh, if you got it, flaunt it approach to womanhood. The godly wife may certainly look put together on the outside. And at that time, you got to think, you know, the braiding of the hair, the putting on gold jewelry is not that you can't ever have a braid or put on makeup or look proper. In those days, people were walking around, the ladies were walking around, they were going places and they were showing it off. Very much like the kind of worldly, maybe club scene or the out in a worldly scene. I've never been to a club since I've been saved. I don't know what all that, but I just in the old days, you kind of think like uh culture today and going places and everyone trying to look their best and guys dressed to the nines and the ladies doing their thing, everybody trying to show I got wealth, I got status, look what I drive, look at my body. A lot of people now saying uh a good body is the new status symbol. It's all of that saying I'm gonna flaunt it and show myself off. Peter's saying, look, the godly wife can be put together. She can be strong, she can be healthy, she could be fit, she can wear makeup, she might have a nice dress, she can wear jewelry. But here's the deal: she's not putting her value on that level. She's not saying, yeah, this is my value. Uh-uh. It's not what's on the outside. That's her highest priority, but what's on the inside. Peter identifies these qualities of true beauty. He says, gentle. This is a woman who's not overly impressed with her self-importance. She's humble and considerate. He says then, quiet spirit. And this is a woman who's not filled with inner angst to dominate. It it the word can mean well-ordered. So this is a woman who's dignified. She's got self-control. She's not a drama queen. She's not rude and condescending. She's not firing off with her mouth and just making sure everybody knows that she's someone. This is a godly wife who honors the Lord. She does that by again positioning herself under her husband as her covering, and she does that willingly, and by pursuing a lifestyle of holiness. Finally, third, out of our main headings, a godly wife is not just submissive, she doesn't just honor the Lord, but she honors Scripture. Verse 24. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Why is this a wife that honors Scripture? Well, because the church is subject to Christ according to his word. And it says so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. At first glance, this might be frightening. Maybe there's women who have been abused, their husband is leading them into sin. So everything means everything that's proper according to God's word, because it's church subject to Christ, wives subject to husbands in everything. Does the church submit to Christ in sin? No. Does the church get called by Christ to sin? No. And so this isn't submission into sin, abuse, or whatever he wants. It's not a doormat policy. It's as the church is subject to Christ. The church submits to Christ with humility, unto godliness, for a purpose, with respect, without dominance, without pride, without complaining. And so, sisters, as a believing woman who has put her faith in Christ, you are called to be a woman who willingly submits to your own husband in a way that honors the word of God. You are never to submit into sin. You're never to tolerate sin. You're never to mistake godly submission for blind abusive obedience. But you are called to place yourself under your covering. And not every husband is where he's gonna be. In fact, no husband is where he's gonna be. But some, by God's grace, are leading spiritually well. Others, maybe yours, is a challenge. The best thing you can do is take Peter's words to let your respectful behavior, your godliness, your love for Christ be a witness to him. Of course, if your husband is a believer, that's gonna inspire him. If he's not a believer, the prayer and goal, if by just the way that things went, you guys were unbelievers and you got married, or you made the mistake of marrying an unbelieving man and then after went, oh no, 2 Corinthians says not to. I blew that. Hey, God's grace is greater than your greatest sin. But in that, what you find yourself in now, either a husband who didn't become a believer, but you did after marriage, or you married an unbeliever and went, I shouldn't have done that, I guess. What now? Let your life be a witness. Don't disobey God's word because he's a difficult man to deal with, so long as he's not leading you into sin. Show him that your love for the Lord is something that you take seriously. Show him what real faith is, and the Bible says that that may actually win him over. Your life is a mighty witness that can lead him to Christ. For those of you with believing husbands, thank the Lord for him, pray for him, support him. Because as the verses ahead will show, and when we get to husbands in a couple weeks, we will be reminded of the weight of leadership that is on his shoulders. And the only acceptable standard for the Christian husband is to love you like Jesus Christ. Now, next time I want to get into a very important but often misunderstood subject of wives or mothers in their home. There's a lot of bad teaching or misinformation out there about women in the home. You got some who would say that, you know, a woman who works while having children is a totally in sin. I mean, you can't even have an Etsy store or do something at home with your kids. It's like homeschool and head coverings, or else you're a pagan, and we need to talk about those things. And then there's others who would think that climbing the corporate ladder is the ultimate goal. Being at home is being stuck with the kids. You're wasting your gifts. You could have a career, you could make more money. There is a danger in that as well. There's ditches on all sides. And I think wherever you're at on the spectrum of wives in the home, the next episode is going to bring biblical perspective and strengthen you. Thanks for listening, for watching, for sharing, for supporting our ministry here at For the Gospel. For weekly video teachings and daily encouragement, be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and X for weekly articles or for more information about FTG, go to for thegospel.org. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. Keep on living for the gospel.