Welcome to the For the Gospel podcast, where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hint. And whether you're listening to this on your favorite podcast platform or watching on our YouTube channel, I'm really thankful that you've joined me for this episode. And I'm grateful for all of those of you who have been supporting our ministry. For the Gospel is 100% donor supported, and we're able to put out all of this free content. We employ a full-time staff. We translate into Spanish. We design, well, gifted people design incredible merch. And we're reaching 7 million unique online users per month around the world because of your support. And so thank you for helping us provide sound doctrine and strengthen Christians in biblical truth. We genuinely believe if people will grow in the truth and they can understand it, that's why it's sound doctrine for everyday people, normal people who just want to understand the word of God, then people are going to know the gospel. They're going to share the gospel. The next generation will go to war against sin. They'll grow close to Jesus. They'll know what kind of church to select, what kind of pastor to trust. All of that is what we are chasing. And it is such a great purpose to support churches. We're not the local church. Your local church is. And if you're a part of Shepherd's House, then you're under my care as a shepherd. But ultimately, uh, for everyone who uses for the gospel, this is designed to strengthen you and make you a better member of the body of Christ. And so if you're a pastor and this has blessed you, hey, that's our goal. And if you're a Christian who's growing and more active and more effective in your local church and your gospel work, hey, that's our goal as well. So thank you. If the Lord puts it on your heart to partner with For the Gospel monthly or with a one-time gift, you can do that at forthegospel.org. You can click on give, and we put out all of our information. We have an accountability statement on that page as well, if you're wondering how we operate as a ministry. Okay, let's jump into the marriage series. We've been going through the wives side of things, and today I want to shift gears to husbands. In particular, we're going to look at God's will for what every husband should be and the kind of love that a husband is to emulate. And then next time we're going to get into a husband and his harshness. I've been meditating on Colossians 3.19. I was doing this with a group of men recently, and it's a passage that I need to revisit time and time again, because I mean, I'm a normal husband, and you men know that there are so many times when we're bothered by things, or we're men, you know, we're on a mission and we, we, we're we're this way and that way, and we think this way, we process. And our wives are different creatures. Sometimes we think they're a different species. And so husbands can be guilty of getting bothered or being short or being insensitive or just being so driven at what we're doing that we kind of forget there's this other person that we should be considerate of, her opinions, her thoughts, her needs, her feelings. Really important stuff. And so in the word of God, we are given specific instructions for specific reasons. You can't say that, you know, a husband's never going to be tempted to be harsh or embittered or kind of cold, because Paul says in Colossians 3.19, husbands love your wives and do not be embittered, don't be harsh with them, which means that's going to be a temptation. And in Ephesians 5, verse 25, he says, husbands, love your wives. And so there's this important command. And so if you want to turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5.25, you can do that. If you're just following along, you're on the go right now, I'll read it to you. But we're going to get in deep here on husbands and the way we're called to love our wives. Let me begin with the main point, and that is this is God's will for every husband. This is God's will for every husband. This isn't Costi's advice, my opinion, my thoughts. I didn't make this up. It's from the Word of God. So if you're a Christian husband, this is literally what you and I as well are called to. If you've ever wondered what kind of husband God wants you to be, or what it takes to be the man that she needs, whether sometimes there's conflict or she's a challenge for you, this is it. Ephesians 5 25. Husbands, love your wives. And love is just one word, but it's like an iceberg in that a ton of its mass lies below the surface. And you've got to take a deeper look to fully appreciate this. And there's no less than four aspects to this love that the rest of the passage reveals. Number one, it's a steadfast love. When Paul's talking about loving your wives, he's using the word agape, which is unconditional love. It's the kind of love that God gives to us. If you were to define it, it's love that only seeks the good of the one being loved. And when he uses this particular verb, it's a present, active imperative. So it's a love that never stops, that's present and active. And it's a command. God is saying, love. You must love her. It's a command. Her looks may change, her health may diminish, her behavior's not always lovable or pleasing to you. Her emotions might drain you, and her faults may discourage you, but nothing can stop your love. You can go back to Ephesians 5.25 and say, Lord, you've called me to love her. Help me to obey you in this way. Steadfast, unconditional, absolute love. It's love that doesn't say, Well, if she does this, well, then I will. Nope. We're gonna love her. And if it's a one-way love sometimes or it feels that way, we're gonna love her. We love because God first loved us, and it's that same agape love that God calls husbands to have. Number two, it's a self-denying love. He goes on, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. Like wives are to look to Christ for their example and their motivation for submission. Remember, we talked about submitting to your husband as unto the Lord. Well, so as well, husbands look to Christ for their self-denial. Paul says, love her like Christ loved the church. Christ gave himself up for the church. That's a sacrificial love. He laid down his life for the church. That's a covenantal love, and that is blood in death paid for the sin of the church. He he said, This is it. I'm gonna be in covenant with this people, and nothing's gonna separate us. And so, even in that, a husband is devoted and committed. He's denying himself. And so, therefore, it's a self-denying love, it's self-denial. Because Jesus laid down his rights for the church. Think of this. He he comes and condescends from his position in heaven to take on human flesh to redeem sinful men. Nothing about the way Jesus loves the church is selfish or purposeless. He denies himself, dies for us, and so too the husband is called to love his wife in a self-denying way. Number three, it's a sanctifying love. Verse 26 begins, so that he might sanctify her. Oh, this love is for her spiritual well-being. And if you're studying this and you've got your Bible with you, you might want to circle that clause there, so that that's the purpose. So that he might sanctify. It's a form of the Greek word hagios. It means to be set apart or holy. It's to consecrate her. Immediately we see a husband's love for his wife is going to be seen in her spiritual growth and her maturity, specifically her holiness. And so the question that you have to ask, and I do as well as a husband, is Lord, is my wife growing in holiness and spiritual maturity under my leadership and because of my love, am I loving her in a way that lifts her up and strengthens her? Brothers, if your wife is spinning spiritually, if she is not growing, but she seems to be digressing in her spiritual maturity before being hard on her, and no doubt she's her own person in a sense that she has a relationship with Jesus and needs to seek him. But brother, look in the mirror. Your spiritual leadership might be one of the key factors that God will use and must use and describes in scripture as a mechanism he'll use to grow her. So double check, are you having those hard conversations? Are you coming humble as an example? Or are you a hypocrite and you can't say anything to her because you're not even walking with the Lord in a way that honors him? Her spiritual growth and maturity are tied to the way you love her. Maybe, maybe your hobbies and activity and your obsessions with work and your habits that are very good for, you know, your provision. Hey, I'm providing for you. Hey, I'm doing this, hey, I'm doing that. I need my guide time. If that's diminishing her spiritual vitality, you're not loving her. It's time to deny yourself and make sure that she is getting what she needs. Verse 26 continues, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word. Cleansing and washing of water both signify purification. And the water here is the picture of being spiritually bathed. The Ephesian men are faced with this convicting proposition, and so too you and I are. What is it? With the Word. That's what you wash her with. And so you gotta know the Word. You gotta be strong in the Word, you gotta be spending time in the Word, filling the well of the Word for your life, brother, and me for mine, so that I can pour out and use that as the spiritual soap, or if you will, if the if the cleaning agent is dirty or it's empty, you've got nothing to give her to wash her with the word, and so you've got to know the word. What's the purpose of that? Verse 27, so that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. There's another purpose clause there, so that this is what's gonna happen when you love her this way. She's gonna be presented to the Father one day, having become more spiritually healthy and more spiritually holy because of your loving leadership. If you love her the way he's called you to, there's gonna be results, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, holy and blameless as a part of Paul's illustration for how the church is gonna appear on that final day because of what Christ has done for her. In the same way, husbands look to that pattern, and while we are not perfect like Christ, if we follow the purpose of Christ in the way he loved the church, she will grow. And if you love her, the word of God must be poured out on her. If you love her, her spiritual well-being must be a priority. And in that we then consider it's a securing love. If you are loving her that way, oh brother, she is gonna feel so secure. Verse 28 says, So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. Verse 29, no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church, because we're members of his body. And then verse 31, for this reason a man leaves his father and mother and becomes joined to his wife, and the two become one flesh. I don't know if there on the on the very short list of reasons marriages struggle in the church today, if there is a more detrimental thing in with regards to in-laws and family than a man who has an unhealthy attachment to his mother or his father or other people, and his wife doesn't have his emotional attachment to her and his commitment to her. Mommy can call and he drops everything and he loses his emotions and he just, oh, it's my mom. Or his dad says something to him and he just a wreck and he can't handle it, or his dad has so much power and authority over him, and his wife's opinion and her emotions and her, she doesn't have that kind of pull. A woman does not feel secure when everyone else can shoot the dust and make her man dance, but then when she expresses herself, oh well, he rolls his eyes at her. Paul says he nourishes and cherishes her like it's his own flesh. He says, Because we're one, oh, you're gonna leave father and mother. Nobody has my heart, my emotions, my mind, my affections, my drive, my mood like my wife. Nobody has that kind of access like her. No one has that kind of priority. No one can move me like the mother of my children. That's the idea here. And so, brothers, you gotta think this is a securing love. Are you nourishing? Are you cherishing her? Are you prioritizing her? Are you caring for her as your own body? Does she get the same deference of priority as as other things where where you just kind of, you know, it's all about me, it's all about what I do, it's all about no, it's her. And that leave and cleave mentality will lead to a secure wife. If you love her like yourself, she will be spiritually secure, knowing she's led by a husband who lives these verses. She will be physically secure, knowing she's led by a husband who will lay his life down for her. She will be uh physically in the sense of sexually secure, knowing she's led by a husband who views his body as belonging to her. He will he will make her emotionally secure as well. She'll know she's led by a husband who lives with her in an understanding way, like 1 Peter 3 7, and she doesn't have to compete with his mother for his attention and his attachment. Finally, this woman will be financially secure because she knows she's led by a husband who works hard and provides for her and cares for her, as First Timothy 5 8 instructs. And this is a man who, with his advancement in work or financial, means he will then pour that out to care for her. Ephesians 5 32 to 33 says, This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you is also to love his own wife, even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Paul closes all of this out by taking a moment to highlight how marriage is ultimately a glimpse of Christ and the church. And brothers, while we will never be perfect in these things, our marriages and the way we love our wives are meant to be a reflection of that glorious picture of Christ and his bride, the church. In the next episode, I want to turn our sights onto the harshness of a husband and talk about how we can resist the temptation or at least face the issue of sin with embitterment or harshness with a wife. They are different, they're challenging, and while any number of factors can contribute to a husband being harsh towards his wife, it's never acceptable, it's never excusable. And so let's enjoy the chisel of God's word for us as men in that next episode on a husband and his harshness. Thanks for listening, for watching, for sharing, and for supporting. If the podcast has been a blessing to you, be sure to leave a review on Apple. Let other people know how these resources can strengthen them as well. And to watch videos on a variety of Christian topics, go to our YouTube channel and click playlists, and you're gonna find dozens of studies and series and particular videos, short, long, everything in between that will strengthen you on all of those different Christian topics. For more information about For the Gospel or how to become a gospel patron and partner with us either monthly or through a one-time gift, go to for thegospel.org and click give. I'll be back next Monday with another episode. Keep on living for the gospel.