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Welcome to the Further Gospel Podcast, where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hinn. And whether you're listening to this on your favorite podcast platform or watching on our YouTube channel, I'm so thankful that you've joined me for this episode. And I want to just thank our gospel patrons as well and our partners who enable us to produce and distribute all of our content, along with the translation of these resources into Spanish. Poor Ellie Vangelio. It's out there. If you have Spanish-speaking family or friends, or you are a Spanish speaker, you can tap into that. It's got its own YouTube channel, all over the social media platforms. So we love Spanish speakers, and maybe we'll add more languages one day. We love it. Okay, so this is it. Final episode, what has ended up being an eight-part series on marriage. And I would say it's just been, you know, long and it's dragged on. But the engagement from you, our listeners, and the amount of views and downloads has just been crazy. Uh, didn't have that on my bingo card when I set out to do this series. I I kind of had a feel though that this would be a good thing to talk about. You can never have too much good marriage material, but your questions over the last two episodes, last time in this one, they are deep. They show that you've been thinking, they show that you've been listening. We've covered some major ground, and now we're gonna be talking about divorce, sin, and you know, how to grow with an imperfect spouse and then money as well. Uh birth control comes up in this episode. So here we go. I'm gonna answer these short, clear. I've got some great quotes. I've been in a ton of marriage books for this study. And so, yes, 21 questions, 21 questions with Costy and you talking about marriage. You ready? Let's do it. Number one, how to help a spouse who's struggling with lust slash porn. All right. Encourage repentance and accountability in love for sure. Galatians 6, 1 is the play here. Lust is not just a behavior problem, it's a worship issue. So you got to point your spouse to the worship of God and call out the idol of pornography and the addiction of it being a sin issue, not just, oh, I'm I have a high sex driver, oh, I just do this to do it. No, no, no. They need the gospel's power to free them from the grip of sin. I love what John Piper says. The fight for sexual purity is a fight for joy in God. So, how do you encourage, how do you help a spouse who's struggling, point them to the gospel and realize that they are gonna have no joy. It's gonna be a miserable road so long as sin takes precedent and sexual purity is put on the back burner. Practically, I'd get some accountability software. I'd get some not just digital accountability, but some physical accountability too, pastoral counsel. Bring that sin to the elders. Talk about it. If you're at a good church, they're not gonna run you out of town and blow you up for struggling with lust and porn. They're gonna minister to you. You if you're in leadership, you're probably gonna get told to step down and there's gonna be some recourse and consequences. But man, do you fear the Lord or do you fear the loss? It's a worship issue. Look to Christ. Question number two how to start slash navigate conversations about having kids slash growing a family. So you have two, you want three, or you have none, you want to start. Begin with prayer and scripture. So we would say Psalm 127, 3, children are a gift, they're a heritage from the Lord. And yet, timing that and when you're gonna start requires wisdom, there's a stewardship, and there's a unity that's necessary. I love this from Chuck Swindall on the topic of kind of working out our timelines and personal preferences and what we want versus what our spouse wants. He says marriage is about giving yourself away, not getting your way. Marriage is about giving yourself away, not getting your way. And so listen to one another's fears, desires, get some counsel. All in all, though, I mean, I wouldn't do this. Well, we want to wait until we have lots of money and we buy a house and we this. If you're waiting for the perfect little, you know, white picket fence and home ownership and whatnot to have kids, you're waiting too long. Those aren't good reasons. If two people can pay the rent and get some food on the table, then start. I'm sure there's other practical things to consider, of course, but don't be like this worldly generation that waited, I got to go to school, I'm gonna get my degree, and then we're gonna get married, and then we're gonna have a house, and then I want to make sure that we have a home, and then we're gonna have the perfect nursery. Like millions and well, billions of Christians over the years have had little huts, little tents. We had a dingy little apartment, and like, you know what? It worked out, okay? Don't wait for perfect. Get going if everything else is in order. Question number three: how do you balance spending all your time providing versus missing out on time with the family as a husband? First of all, you should not be spending all your time providing. I know there's a lot to do. I know what it's like, whether it's business, ministry, the drive, the invitation to things, like, wow, honey, this opportunity is amazing. Uh, we can expand our whatever your business is, our sales in this region, or we have an opportunity this or that or the other. Look, providing is godly. That's 1 Timothy 5 8. Like, yeah, you ought to. Even pagans provide for their family, but not at the expense of shepherding your family. I recently heard this business coach. He said, in 20 years, no one's going to remember that you worked late all the time except your kids. And so think about that for a second. One of the biggest lies is that provision for them is everything. I think there's an epidemic in the American church, American culture at least, of the idolatry of family. Like family is an idol, a good thing that's become a bad thing. And here's what I mean by that. We make it everything to provide the best life for our kids. I want them to have the life I didn't have. I want them to have the things I never had. I want them so so great. You provide every material thing you could ever give them, and you show them bad character, or you have no presence in their life, or you buy them all the equipment for baseball or hockey or football. They got it all going on, and you're a dad who's either not present or you're one of those crazy dads that's like overbearing and you're nuts. And so your kids are like, Great, I have all the nicest things. I also have a crazy father who's never happy. Like, you, you know, I play baseball, and so naturally I have all these thoughts about that sport in particular, but I always imagine like the dad or that person that's like, you know, you're like, I went three for four. And they're like, yeah, three for four with a double and a home run. What about that strikeout though? You could have been four for four. You're like, it's never good enough. Like, congratulations. You made your kid go D1. They got to the pros. Uh, your kid is uh an amazing fill-in-the-blank sport, but you were never there. You provided them the most beautiful house. They had a gorgeous pool and they had the best room. And what? It's all for naught. If they didn't have the gospel, they didn't have discipleship, they didn't have a present, active father. Our kids aren't going to remember the nice restaurants. They're not going to remember the lavish vacations. I don't even think they're going to remember having the nicest bat or the nicest cleats or the nicest equipment or skates when you or I were a bad father or mother to them in the ways that they desire as children. If they don't look up to us, like what are we doing? I recently asked a young man about the reputation of his father. His father's a dear friend of mine and a man that uh I'm close with and and have asked for advice before and is a wonderful mentor, and I was early on asking about him, and I asked the son, because often one of the best ways to determine a man's character is to ask his wife or his children what they think of him for real. And this guy says, if there's one man I aspire to be more like, it's my father. And I just thought, oh Lord, let it be that my sons would say that one day, or my daughters would want to marry a man who is like me. That's what we want to hear. Not, you know, yeah, he gave me all the material things I wanted, or yeah, he was a good provider, just not a great, not a great guy. He's the kind of man I want to be. So, brother, whoever asked this question, how do you balance spending all your time providing and then trying to be a good father and a good husband? Do what John MacArthur said. Don't sacrifice your family on the altar of ministry or money. So for me, ministry, I'm not gonna sacrifice my family on the altar of ministry. Okay? There'll always be another opportunity to share the gospel, there'll always be another invitation, another conference, another podcast, another book, another member, another, you know, situation with this, situation with that, another chair to fill, another this, that, and another program to add. You know what? The kids are getting older. Life is moving on. For you, there'll always be another business deal. There'll always be another paycheck. There'll always be another month with a goal. There'll always be another sales goal. There'll always be always another conference, another sales meeting, another opportunity, another podcast, another this, that, or the other to do. They won't always be this young. They won't always be looking up to you. Pretty soon they're gonna be looking at you. So prioritize your presence. You are called. I am called to lead, to love, and to be with our wife and children. Question number four. How do you handle finances as a married couple? Is it necessary to have a joint bank account? Absolutely. One flesh implies everything is one. Best way to start dividing your marriage is to divide everything up. Joint accounts, they're not commanded in scripture. There's no thou shalt merge your Chase Bank or Wells Fargo accounts, but it reflects a transparency and a oneness. John Piper said this if two people can't share money, they likely aren't sharing life. I like that. Stewardship together, intimacy together, budgeting together, giving together, money merged together. We make these decisions prayerfully and jointly. Number five, what are biblical grounds for divorce? Well, pretty simple, although the details can be complicated. Jesus permits, notice I'm saying permits, not advises. He permits divorce for sexual immorality. It's Matthew 19, 9. Paul then later adds desertion by an unbelieving spouse. That's 1 Corinthians 7.15. And so those two things, you have adultery and abandonment, both of those permitted, never commanded, but those. And you would add, and I think that Heath Lambert and a lot of the ACBC, Dale Johnson, these guys have done a great job with assessing abuse, physical abuse as abandonment of the marriage covenant. A C B C has some great resources on wrestling through that. When is this or that or the other specific circumstance grounds for divorce? But you could pretty much say adultery and abandonment, and then if there is physical abuse, that is often and ought to be defined as, and I would hold this view, an abandonment of the marriage covenant. You are beating on, abusing physically the bride got you broken the marriage vows. And in that regard, there can be some debate from some, but I would say adultery, abuse, abandonment, with abandonment hovering over being the category for physical abuse. Question six if a husband refuses to work to provide for his family, is it biblical divorce? Okay, no. While refusal to provide violates scripture, it's a sin. You don't divorce over every sin, do you? No. First Timothy 5.8 is breached when Paul says, look, even unbelievers provide for their family. So you're worse than one of those. Even the world does this. You're worse than an unbeliever if you won't provide for your family and go work. But it doesn't justify divorce. You should seek counsel, though. You should confront in love. You need to involve church discipline. That's sin. Step one, go to your brother. Step two, bring others, get witnesses, confirm every fact. Like the guy's not working. And then from there, I think that you have a lot of leverage, if you will, for the church to come around that situation. Um, but yeah, there could be some ongoing sin and challenges, but it's not grounds for divorce. Number seven, if someone's spouse divorces them because they cheated, can the cheater remarry eventually? Oh, such a good question. I'm sure I'm gonna offend some of you with this, but I gotta go with the scriptures. Scripture gives the right to remarry to only the innocent spouse. Matthew 19, 9. Read your Bible. The innocent spouse who did not commit the adultery can go remarry. Jesus never clearly states that the guilty spouse may remarry. He does not, but he is explicit about innocent spouses. Now, a lot of reformed pastors would caution against uh any kind of remarriage for the cheating party, and I would agree with that. Uh John MacArthur writes this only the innocent party is given the liberty to remarry. If the adulterer, if the adulterer repents, they're fully forgiven in Christ, but forgiveness doesn't remove all consequences. So remarriage may still be adultery in some cases. Luke 16, 18 is clear. So you got to get spiritual counsel, you got to be humble, and you got to remain in a repentant, humble attitude, not entitlement, like I've done enough. What do you want? You know, drag me through the mud, like I can't remarry. If you are the one who cheated and committed adultery, the Bible has a lot to say about slowing down and being careful by not saying anything about what you can go do, and yet for innocent parties, the Bible's clear. They're okay to remarry. The fact that the Bible's clear on one and then doesn't give an out or allowance for the other, is room for great pause. My position, happy to tell you, is that innocent spouses who were cheated on are free to remarry. The adulterer, while certainly able to receive forgiveness and restoration in Christ, is not free to remarry. They are causing the other person who marries them to then commit adultery. That's what the Bible says. 1 Corinthians 7 is a great chapter to read. One last caveat. You might say, well, Costi, okay, well, I did that. So what are you saying? I'm actively in adultery. I gotta divorce the next spouse. Well, don't go now divorcing and saying one sin, another sin and begets another sin. Slow down. There are many things that we've done, all of us, in a state of ignorance or unbelief. So as lost unbelievers, it's covered by the grace of God and forgiven, and by being an ignorant believer. You may want to talk to your pastor and you may want to just be honest about the circumstances by which you came to be remarried, but it's a pretty big topic. Pre-conversion, though, everything's washed. It is. Question eight. How to handle people having different denominations both before and after marriage? Meaning after the marriage, when they were both on the same page, the spouse's beliefs have changed afterwards. That's a good question. So denominational differences require a lot of clarity and humility. Amos 3.3, this great line can apply to everything. Can two walk together unless they are agreed? Major doctrinal divisions like the gospel, the sacraments, gender roles, all that can lead to conflict. And I'm with Piper when he says theological unity fuels spiritual intimacy. Theological unity fuels spiritual intimacy. We can be intimate in lockstep, growing together, and this not in a weird way, intimacy with friendships, though, even with elders and being in lockstep. Theological unity fuels all of that. If there's differences, it's going to create some division. Now, if differences arise after marriage, well, then I would say pursue mutual study, have loving discussion, and get some pastoral input. Unity in Christ is possible, but you can't have unity at the expense of truth. And so it's really important on some of these, especially secondary issues, to come to agreement by way of study of the scriptures, not even necessarily a husband just saying, This is what I believe, and so this is what you will believe now, do it. You could end up with a husband who goes Roman Catholic and his poor little wife is saying, So I have to submit to him into that. Or a husband who says, Well, I was a Baptist, now I'm a Pedo-Baptist, or I was a Paedo-Baptist and now I'm a Baptist. And so you'll now be this. And she's like, Hold on, can I just, can I just study? Can I learn? Can I grow in this too? So, really important though that you dig in and understand theological unity fuels spiritual intimacy. If you can help yourself before marriage, make sure you're on the same page. If things happen after, walk through it together and do that with your pastors. Question nine healthy intimacy within marriage. Question. Is it okay to say no to sex? What to do when saying no too often becomes a problem? It's a good question, fair one. First Corinthians 7, really clear in verses 3 through 5 that our bodies don't belong to ourselves. They belong to one another. And so spouses are to yield to one another in love. We're not to be selfish. So my body belongs to my wife, my wife's body belongs to me. That's the idea. And so it is biblical, you could say, and reasonable to say no at certain times. Illness, spiritual reasons, all of that. Even 1 Corinthians 7 gives the out for that, for a time of prayer, for spiritual pursuits. Like there's a time and a place, people. But consistent refusal without communication, it's just going to breed resentment. So in a marriage, we want to be talking about everything together. That's why earlier I said joint checking accounts. We talk about money. We know what's going on with money. We need to be talking about intimacy and having an understanding of what the desires are and the reasons for quote unquote refusal or saying no. What, why? And what's in the heart and what's behind that? What's the motive? Swindahl said this. Chuck Swindahl, just one of the greats, still alive, landing the plane well, very old now, but faithful with his wife Cynthia, said sex is not just physical, it's spiritual and sacrificial. So it's part of our spiritual life and it's a part of our worship unto God. It's a good gift given by him in marriage only. And so we want to be mindful of that in these conversations. When saying no becomes a pattern, we got to talk about the heart, we got to seek counsel, and we've got to have that unity in that conversation. Question number 10 Are prenups unbiblical? Okay, so Costi's opinion first. I'll just say this. My opinion is, yeah, I think they are unbiblical. Now, uh, if you have one, let me argue that a little different than just my opinion versus yours. Prenups suggest a preemptive posture of mistrust. I'm signing this, we're doing this to protect something that I don't want to give you in marriage. So I absolutely, my opinion is they're unbiblical because when you look at the Bible, well, it's covenant. I I don't have a prenup. If you don't do this, then I'm gonna divorce you. If you if you do this or do that, I'm protecting these assets just in case you this, so I'm that. No. In scripture, marriage is full life, union. The two have become one flesh. I'm saying, Christine, you're bone of my bones, you're flesh of my flesh, but I've got this document that keeps these bones and this flesh away from you. How is that biblical? Hence the strong opinion. The Bible doesn't say thou shalt not write an agreement and yada yada, because there's no prenups that existed. But I would say we want to be aware of what many wise theologians have warned in this regard. John Piper, who is no stranger to marriage material and studies and books on this, he warned that prenups often, quote, assume the possibility of divorce rather than the permanence of promise. I like that. And so while it's not explicitly forbidden, I don't have a chapter and verse for you, I think it conflicts with the biblical view of becoming one flesh. If financial wisdom is needed, get some financial insight, not a separation of assets. But look, if you have to have a prenup to protect yourself from this woman, she may not be the right one, fellas. And if you need a prenup to protect yourself from this man, he may not be the right one, ladies. Question 11. How to lovingly come alongside your spouse if they have been too busy to be in the word. That's a good question. More common than maybe you think. Encourage them without condemning. Ask questions that stir desire, not guilt. Maybe can I read the Bible with you? Or can we study this together? Or maybe ask how can we realign our mornings? How can I help serve you with the schedule and the timing to support you better? Uh John MacArthur says this spiritual leadership begins with invitation, not imposition. And so if you're a man, you are not imposing yourself, you will read the Bible. You're modeling a hunger for God's word, you're inviting her into it. Or if you're a wife, you're not saying, you need this and you need that. You're my spiritual leader. You don't even do this. No, you're gonna use yourself as a servant and you're gonna model a hunger for God's word, and you're gonna enable and help them and pray, above all else, pray that the Holy Spirit would awaken their hunger. Number 12, what does it practically mean for a husband to wash his wife with the word? Okay, first of all, it does not mean to pressure wash her. So, where most men get this wrong, they can be a little forceful and they think like, I'm gonna preach a sermon, you're gonna sit down, we're doing 30-minute Bible study, get your MacArthur study Bible, it's on, baby. Let's go. Look, there might be some benefit to digging in, and that happens. There's many times where my wife and I are sitting with our Bibles out and we're digging in. Love it. But as wiser men have said, it's not about preaching at her, but rather bathing her soul in gospel. Truth. I think it was John Piper who said that in one of his books on marriage, and he's in a lot of sermons on this subject too. And I think it's good wisdom. You're trying to bathe her soul in gospel truth. You're not trying to preach at her like a pressure washer. Ephesians 5.26 calls the husband to lead his wife towards Christ-likeness through scripture. And so absolutely, you're going to be praying with her, praying for her, reading the word together, answering her questions, digging in, encouraging obedience, creating a Christ-centered home, all of that, gently, not forcefully, pointing her to Jesus. And if you're a wife, you can encourage him and you can do what you can to set the table, so to speak, for him to be in the word. Question number 13: what role does repentance and confession play in strengthening a Christian marriage? A huge role. When we repent and we confess and we forgive with our spouse, we're just slamming pride. I mean, there's no room for it. And grace floods into our marriages. We're healed. I mean, you think about James 5.16, confess your sins to one another and be healed. It's going to heal your marriage. And when you have two forgivers and two repenters who know that marriage isn't about perfection, it's about progression. Oh, you're going to have beautiful, beautiful unity. And it's going to restore that and sustain it. It's going to cultivate humility, and bitterness and division won't be able to survive. Next, how can couples guard against bitterness in the mundane seasons of marriage? Let's talk about bitterness. Bitterness grows where gratitude dies. So remember God's faithfulness to you. Celebrate those small graces, those wins, those ways that you're growing, and then serve one another intentionally. Chuck Swindall said this: great marriages are built in the trenches, not just on the mountaintops. And so you're going through trials, you're digging in, you're addressing bitterness. You're even sharing why you're frustrated. And then you're being humble if you're the person being told you're frustrating me. Pray together. Laugh often. Keep short accounts. Don't let those things build up. Marriages and relationships go south when you say, Well, this, this, this, this, this, and this, and then you just explode. Bitterness cannot thrive in a heart and in a marriage shaped by the gospel. Next, what are some biblical rhythms or disciplines you've seen bear long-term fruit in your marriage? Praying for one another, time in the word, regular date nights. We do those weekly, intimate, meaningful conversation. My wife and I like to talk about stuff, like deep things of life. And then we'll do regular inventory on our words and our actions and hold each other accountable. We don't let things go. If she says something or I say something, we will bring that up at the appropriate time. And you don't just let things go. You you talk about it and dig in. Don't just let that stack up. And then also vacations and doing ministry together. Two of our favorite things. We love going on road trips and just sitting together in the front of our minivan and talking each other's ear off with our lattes in hand with the kids in the back and just talking about life. We love road trips for that reason because we're just talking and talking and being together. And we like doing ministry together. In fact, the sweet seasons of newborn life and babies is great. I'll never regret or loathe these times. We're in one right now where my wife basically is just, you know, got a baby strapped her all the time, and we're not always getting to do everything together. But as the kids come out of that phase with each one, we love serving in ministry together. It brings joy. And so, whatever that is for you, do things together, serve together, have fun together, talk. They should be your husband or wife, your best friend. I believe that strongly. Question 16. How do we discern when a marriage issue is a spiritual immaturity issue versus actual sin that needs serious confrontation? Okay, examine the heart and the pattern. Immaturity will involve weakness and learning. That's pretty obvious. Sin is willful rebellion. And so you want to assess, is this willful rebellion or is it just weakness and learning? We all have weaknesses. I sin, you sin, we all sin. Everybody's gonna sin, but is this willful rebellion? Or is this just something that the Lord is gonna sanctify and he's gonna work it out and it's gonna be okay? You don't need to go off every time your wife isn't submissive as though this is some major sin issue. It could be immaturity or growth issues where she's never been taught this or heard. For your husband, maybe your husband's never been walked with or heard teaching like this, or you're never digging in on marriage, and all of a sudden you're like, this is ridiculous, you're in sin, all this. No, you just don't know. So immaturity is weakness and learning. You're just growing in it. Relax. I'm gonna say it this way chill out, be patient with each other. Calm down. She is not, you know, Jezebel. She just hasn't been taught, brother. Take it easy on her. And for you wives, like, he is not, you didn't miss the boat. And like, you know, you thought it was Boaz, and this guy is just a wrecking ball. No, he he just needs discipleship and patience. So walk with him. We want to confront gently, not harshly. Now, willful rebellion, eh, that's gonna get strength. That's gonna get some firm, clear rebuke. But as John MacArthur says, not every weakness is a wickedness. Not every weakness is a wickedness. So let's get clarity through prayer, scripture, and wise counsel before escalating it to harsh or hardline rebuke. There's a place for that. Question 17. What is one marriage truth you wish you embraced earlier in your walk with Christ? Oh, that Christine's not Jesus, like she's not the savior, she's not the be all end all. She is not number one, Jesus is, but then she's number one over everything else. Christ is everything. I think you we can look to our spouses to meet needs that only Christ can fulfill. And so we're having issues with sin, we're having frustrations with life, we're having unmet expectations, we're discontent, and we begin to kind of blame our spouse or look at her or him and think, yeah, if they were just this or if we were just that or if we were just this, and then you realize, look, I'm holding my spouse hostage, and I'm expecting them to meet needs only Christ can meet. And so I'm disappointed in her or him. Well, because I'm supposed to be looking to Jesus for that. Marriage is a means of grace, never the source of it. It's a means of grace. But we look to Christ. He's the source of grace, he's the source of power. And so we want to learn to love sacrificially rather than conditionally. We want to look to Jesus as our be all end all, the ultimate, and then out of that relationship and love for him will flow our love and our bond and our needs from our spouse. Number 18, despite a busy family life, what are some daily, weekly, monthly spiritual rhythms and habits you and your spouse have found helpful to keep your marriage strong and Christ centered? Uh, here's just maybe a few. Church attendance is not negotiable, dating each other, not negotiable, pre-planned vacations, not negotiable. We plan the ministry calendar. We're we're those type of people. We look ahead. I'm always mapped out like next year. I already have things in the calendar for fall of 2026, like September, October, November. Well, we plan vacations like that. We look at things, and it's not like I do work, ministry, this, that, and the other. And then it's like, ah, where can we fit a little family time in here? Like, okay, you know, we'll just toss it in there. I hope you're happy with that, honey. No, pre-planned vacations. The family is a priority, therefore, we will plan our time away together. Uh, calling each other out on our sin, not negotiable. She's not scared to say stuff to me. I love it. She's gonna poke at a weakness, she's gonna highlight a recurring theme. She's gonna say, I don't think you should have said it like that. And I like it because I want to win. Let's get better, let's grow. And I do the same thing with her. We're going to call each other out on sin. We're not gonna let sin go and fake peace for what? Family devotions, not negotiable. We're gonna be in the word. We're gonna be talking about the Bible as a family and abandoning biblical priorities, not negotiable. We are going to be a home that is gonna grow in the word of God. And even if that means sacrificing certain things in certain seasons or uh making hard decisions, we're gonna do it. Proverbs 17 1 says, better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. Look, I don't care if you or I have it all. If we lack character and a healthy family life, sorry, you got nothing, I got nothing. What good is money with a terrible marriage? What good is a big house that is miserable to live in? What good is a thriving business when the business of the home is crumbling? And so protect your habits and your relationships and your rhythms that contribute to what matters most. If something or someone is getting in the way of your marriage, look, it could be even your own family, could be in-laws, could be some of the things we've discussed in previous episodes. It could be you. But deal with it. Marriage is your first ministry. Number 19, what's the best way to catch up on the sanctification slash spiritual maturity process when your spouse was born and raised Christian and you became a Christian much later in life? I feel for this one. I really do. I think this is incredibly common, and there's so many people who are insecure or worried, and they're wondering, how do I catch up? I don't know half of the stuff, and I'm not in the Christianese kind of lingo. Look, I'll tell you this: rest in God's grace because sanctification is not a race. That rhymes, so you can memorize it. Rest in God's grace because sanctification is not a race. Okay? Philippians 1 6. He who began a good work in you. Not he who began a good work in your spouse will also catch you up, or he who began a good work in her or him will, you know, you better no he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ. God is doing what he's doing in you at your pace, your life, his way. So keep pursuing the word, keep praying, get in avenues of church community with consistency. John Piper actually says this you don't catch up by comparison, but by communion with Christ. All that's good. You don't catch up by comparison, but by communion with Christ. Probably one of the best things I have read while studying and digging in for this series. You don't catch up by comparison. You're never going to get where you want to be by looking at everybody else. You look to Jesus, and he'll turn you into the kind of person that he's called you to be. He'll sanctify you. Now you can ask your spouse for guidance and you can celebrate their growth and look at them and say, Hey, what have you done to do that? Or how did you know that? Instead of being insecure and worried and comparing, use them and get motivated and have them help you. God will use and grow the humble, and that humility will breed fast growth, faster than you could ever imagine. If you're a sponge, he'll fill you up. Number 20. Birth control from a biblical perspective. Okay. Scripture does not directly forbid birth control, similar to prenups, but it would affirm some truths that would make types of birth control absolutely sinful. So let me be clear. Children are a gift from the Lord. Psalm 127, 3. So we're not like, I don't want to have kids for 10 years, keep them away from me. Kids are going to ruin my body, kids are going to ruin my life. If that's your motive behind birth control, that's sin. We go by what the Bible says. So your motive becomes key. That's right off the bat. Are you avoiding children out of fear? Is it selfishness? Or is it wise stewardship? You just got married and you're using non-abortive means of birth control, whether that's family planning tools or some other kind of resource that's not, again, not an abortive measure, not talking about the pill, then you need to talk about that with your spouse and think through it. And I would say you need to be open to life happening and be as non-manufactured, non-chemical driven, certainly non-abortive, not abortive at all in your planning. And it's never biblically permissible to use any kind of mechanism or any kind of medication that causes abortion and affects that fertilization process. Absolutely unbiblical. And so if you're a person who says, hey, I'm a Christian, like I'm all in, I want you to do something. I want you to go check out some resources from friends like Randy Alcorn on birth control. And I want you to be challenged in it. And I want you to think through these things. At the very least, you will find out if your position is argued against with scripture or argued for with scripture, and you're going to actually be challenged in an area where very few people are challenged or willing to research in. And so I want you to do that. If you're a member at our church, and this is the it probably won't be the first time you've heard me talk about this, but if you're newer to our church and this is the first time it's come up because you didn't see old videos or old sermons or you weren't there at the church, well, this is a great invitation for you to come talk to one of us as pastors or to do the research. Read articles, go to epm.org. That's eternal perspective ministries. Type in Randy Alcorn is birth control biblical or Randy Alcorn uh the pill, you know, biblical. Put those terms into Google. You're gonna get a bunch of articles from Randy Alcorn that are gonna really challenge what the world operates like. And that's a really good place to start. So to say it this way: any kind of birth control mechanism that enables any kind of abortive process in any way, shape, or form, it's sin. It's not biblical. Question number 21 handling chronic illness in marriage. How to do it. Chronic illness in marriage is a shared burden. Since you're one, you're gonna share it together. And love will be sacrificial, much like the story of Johnny Erickson, Tata, and her husband Ken. Beautiful story, where their love is attached to a lifelong challenge of her being a quadriplegic. It's gonna take patience and daily grace. And I love what Chuck Swindah said, who just recently was talking about his wife and her having dementia and him with his glaucoma, and he says, you know, these things don't get better. It almost brought me to tears. I was listening to it with Christine, and he said, You know, these things don't get better, so I know where this goes, you know, something to the effect of that. And it was Swindah who said suffering doesn't ruin marriage, it reveals what it's built on. And that's really what I want to end the series on. Let illness drive you to deeper levels of intimacy and dependence on Christ. Let the challenges in your marriage that you're gonna work through in these trials bring you into closer union with Christ and one another, clinging to the truth that God is in control and he's gonna use all these circumstances to reveal what your marriage is built on. And so build it, friends, on Christ. Okay, that's it. Uh what a series, what a savior, what a topic. I think what a study for me. It was so edifying to dig in on these things, and then certainly always a privilege to get to deliver them to you. These are things I preach to myself, my wife as well, in our own home. And I am so thankful that we get to do this because of your support and your constant engagement, sharing the resources, and letting us know what resources would be most helpful to strengthen you in the Christian life. God is good to take you from where you are to where he has for you to be, and he'll do that through his word. So keep on digging in with your marriage issues, with your challenges, your victories, the highs and lows, all of it. The word of God is what you need to be building upon. Thanks for listening, for watching, thank you for sharing, thank you for supporting. If the podcast has been a blessing to you, be sure to leave a review on Apple and let other people know how these resources can strengthen them too. You can subscribe on YouTube. And if you're interested in becoming a gospel patron and partnering with us monthly, we would love to partner with you in that way. You can go to forthegospel.org and click on our give page. All the information is there. I'll be back next Monday with another episode Keep on Living for the Gospel.