Welcome to the For the Gospel Podcast, where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hinn, and I want to kick off a new series on parenting that's going to help our generation think biblically about raising kids. Now, whether you're in the trenches of parenting or not, the majority of people are either going to be a parent one day, or you've raised kids already, and now you're encouraging others and pouring into the next generation, or you're in the trenches, and this is perfect timing. But no matter what, shaping the next generation of children is never far from our hearts in the church. So in this series, I promise to cover a biblical framework, the importance of strong fathers, the impact of godly mothers, why gentle parenting is a total failure, how to discipline your children biblically in love, and a lot more. I do not promise that your kids or mine will be perfect if we do all these things. No kids are perfect, but I do promise you're going to feel more equipped, more encouraged, more sharpened, more supported, and more biblically minded in the high calling of raising the next generation. My wife and I, my wife Christine, who I love dearly, she's my best friend. We have six children, and they are all two years apart. And we're heading into the teenage years here, and it goes all the way down to our little one, our little daughter, uh, the caboose, we call her. Six kids. We are in this with you. And I'll tell you right off the bat, I, as a father, doesn't matter if I'm a pastor or not, I as a father, I am a Christian. And I need God's word and I need God's grace. So does she, so do you. So I hope this series will be a blessing to you and I. Now, there's no shortage of parenting opinions out there. You travel the world, you survey the internet, and you're gonna find a lot of radically different approaches. What one culture celebrates, I've seen this as I travel different places, another would avoid it entirely. I remember uh one story where in Scandinavian countries they put their babies and strollers outside in the snow to take naps. They're of course covered. Um, other countries, they leave their babies and strollers on the street. People don't do what they do in America. Here, people would think that's crazy. Uh, within every uh realm of society, there's these rules that people have. This is how we do it, this is how we not do it. The South, the North, the East, the West. Culturally, there's a lot of different ways people do things, even in America. Every podcast influencer has opinions. Every expert has a method that promises results. And people are like, oh, this is what will do it. In fact, sometimes Christian authors get themselves in some hot water over the generations gone by where they write books and they're like, this will make your kids what they should be, and this will make you have the perfect home. And then parents end up apologizing years later for being legalistic and a little too heavy-handed. And then others, they, you know, didn't want to be abusive or didn't want to do what their parents did to them. And so there's no discipline and it's bubble wrapped and it's this gentle parenting thing. And like, that's the way to do it. Because we need to love our children. Kids grow up, no restraint. We know that story, or it turns out okay, and everyone says, well, this is what worked for me. I turned out fine. There's just a lot of noise, a lot of opinions on all sides. And with so much noise on parenting, and you got mommy bloggers fill in your Instagram feed. Some are helpful, some aren't. You got a lot of stuff on manhood and fatherhood. We need to make sure we're not drifting from one fad to the next. God has not called you and I to drift and to float from fad to fad. He has spoken and we can know his will. Now, parenting at its core is a stewardship given by God. It is defined by God, and therefore, as parents, we are accountable to God. If we're gonna build our homes well, and by well I mean faithfully, you gotta begin where scripture begins. And like everything we do on this podcast and within the ministry of for the gospel, and everything that I want to lead out in at our church, at Shepherd's House, we go with God's design. That's all I want. I don't need some guy's blueprint. Give me what God says. And the Bible gives us that foundation in passages like Deuteronomy chapter six and Ephesians chapter six, where parenting is not something personal. You know, this is the way we do it, and and how we do it is not how you do it. No, no. The Bible teaches parenting and it makes it clear that it's a central part of covenant faithfulness. And what emerges from scripture is a philosophy of parenting. It's a way of seeing children, it's a way of using your parental authority and leveraging the mission that God has given you to impact your children. So, number one, we got to see children the way God does. See children the way God does. Psalm 127, verse 3 says, Behold, children are a gift. Maybe your Bible says, heritage of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. They're a gift. Children are often loath. They're in interruption, they're this, they're that. They destroyed my body. You know, moms are out there talking about how this and that is oh, kids ruin everything. Kids are not interruptions to your life. They're not body destroyers, they're not house wreckers, they're not money drainers, or anything else people in today's culture call them. They are entrusted to you and I. They're a gift. And if they're a gift from God, guess what? They're not ultimately yours or mine. They belong to God. I'm just the manager. You're just the manager. And we're managing what God has given. Jesus in Mark chapter 10 reinforces his love for children, God's high view of children. When he he welcomes the children and he gets really indignant when his disciples try to blockade them. He says, Let the children come to me. Children matter to God, they are to be treasured, protected, and brought to Christ. Now, you think about that, just illustratively, we are to bring our children to Christ, to bring them up in his instruction, to point them to him. And at the same time, scripture is clear that our children by nature are sinful. Now, I know that our babies are cute. My littlest ones just melt my heart. I am a total sucker. My daughters, they got me all wrapped up in all the right ways. I adore them. I love them. My wife and I both. We behold our children and we see the blessing of God. And yet, like you, I would hope, we are under no illusion that our children are sinless and they're just so good. No, they're not morally neutral. They're cute and cuddly and sweet. And then the minute they can say a word, what do they say? No, mine. No, mine. You you see depravity in all of its quote-unquote glory in a child. Romans 3.23 says, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Vodibakum, whether you like this line or not, I think it's helpful. And he can say it with a little humor. He used to say that babies are vipers and diapers. And what he meant by that was that if they could mobilize and attack you, they would. I had a friend, it was an older mentor, used to give us parenting advice, and he said, Listen, I know they're cute, but you got to remember they're also sinners who need to be pointed to their savior. And if you wanted to take over the world and you could mobilize toddlers to do that and give them all guns, they would take over the world. It's Lord of the Flies. They're little anarchists. They're the cutest little anarchists that ever were, but they're sinners. And we don't have to overdo it and just talk about the depravity of our children. Yeah, little sinners, you know, they're on the way to hell, you know, let's see if we can get them to heaven. We don't need to be irreverent and cheeky about it. But we need to realize our children, they are a gift from the Lord, and they don't come out of the womb auto-saved. They don't come out of the womb needing like just a little slight adjustment here and there. They come out of the womb needing a transformation from God. They need the gospel. They need to be introduced to their creator, to Christ. And parenting is about shepherding that little heart that is already bent towards sin and self and shepherding it, training it towards their creator. So that's the way we see our children. They are sweet and they are gifts. They are also sinners who we need to point to Christ. Number two, we need to understand the authority structure God has established. If we're going to lay a good framework, we've got to understand this. In Ephesians chapter six, we see that children, six, verse one, children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. My little ones have memorized that one. My older ones have as well. And as they hit a certain age and they're struggling with obedience in a moment of training, we'll often say, Children, obey your parents in the Lord. And, you know, our little ones don't say, for this is right. And we guide them and walk with them. And they know we're we've disobeyed our parents. And we don't say, you will obey me. No, God says that you need to obey your parents because your parents want what's best for you and we love you and we want to point you towards our God. And this is a God-centered home, and we're under his authority, and he is mommy and daddy's boss. So we don't just get to exercise our authority and do whatever we want. No, we're we're under authority. And God says, children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. That means that parents have authority over their children, and parents are under God's authority as stewards of their children. You got to understand that. So it's not really about you, like I've had enough, and then parents discipline their kids. It doesn't matter if you've had enough or not. We calmly, lovingly, graciously, albeit it's sometimes hard to be patient, guide our children to understand what the Creator, our God, has said. It's not because you've had enough and these are your rules. No, it's what God has called you to. It's obedience and honor. It's authority, but under what God has designed. And we can't just look at all this stuff as, you know, cultural or, well, you know, this is negotiable, or that's just kind of the way the Bible says it. No, children are called to respond to their parents with obedience and honor. We want to model that and have obedience and honor for God. And that is how parents can even model being under authority as they or we exercise our authority. When parents understand this, they stop taking their cues from trends and the culture and we start submitting to the truth. Now, I've got my Bible open to Deuteronomy chapter six and verses five to seven, because you actually see a structure for discipleship and for parental authority. That's not this heavy-handed, uh, abusive kind of dominating authority. It's a discipling authority. And in Deuteronomy chapter six, verse five, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might. These words which I'm commanding you today shall be on your heart. I want to highlight this first. You want to talk about authority and exercising your authority as a parent and a good framework for a home? It starts with you first loving God and these things hitting your heart first. Then, after these words are on your heart, well, you're gonna teach them diligently, verse seven, to your sons, and you'll talk about them as you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down when you rise up. Meaning, discipleship is this lifestyle. You're modeling a life under the authority of God's word, and then you're exercising your authority over your children according to God's word, and your children are seeing that. So authority in the home suddenly becomes about responsibility. And brother or sister, you and I, we are responsible and accountable to God for how we lead, how we teach, and how we guide our children to represent Him. So Deuteronomy 6, verses 5 to 7, very clear about the authority of God's word and his commands upon our heart, then that's passed on, which leads us to number three. You got to embrace the mission of disciple making in the home. Embrace the mission of disciple making in the home. I said it already, I'll read it again. You shall teach them diligently. And what is when you sit down, walk by the way, lie down, rise up. It's lifestyle. It's comprehensive. It means that parenting is this constant in your life. It's it's it's it's intentional, it's spiritual. And the home is where disciples are formed. We say this at our church all the time. I want to tell you all the time here for the gospel when we're doing parenting content. Parents are the primary disciple makers. It's your job. I can be a pastor to people, a pastor to children. I can guide people in the Word of God, but the parents are the primary disciple makers. Proverbs 22, 6 says, train a child up in the way that he should go. And when he's old, he will not depart from it. You got to know your children. What is the way that they should go? That training is about guiding the heart, planting seeds of the gospel in the heart, deposits of the truth in the heart. And scripture consistently points to the heart as the control center of all of life. And so what a child loves and fears and desires will drive what they do. And so parents got to aim deeper. You're not going for behavior modification, you're aiming for heart transformation. Now, obedience does matter. You want your child to be orderly, but it's got to be connected to something greater. If not, you you just get children. Ted Tripp says this in his book, Shepherding Your Child's Heart. It's like stapling fruit on trees or hanging fruit on trees. You're just putting fake fruit on the tree. Do this. Say sorry to your sister. Sorry. You know, okay, good, good. They obey. No, no, no. The heart, the heart is not obeying. The heart doesn't know why we're apologizing. The heart doesn't want to apologize. I just said, sorry. I just hung a piece of fake fruit on the tree. But a parent that's discipling on the why do we say we're sorry? Why did we do that? What's going on inside of our heart that led us to hit our brother or hit our sister or steal that toy? What are you scared of? How do you feel right now? Now, what are some of the things that God calls us to do, maybe even if we're frustrated with someone? And you begin to teach your children, now, why am I giving you this consequence? Why are you not gonna get to and then fill in the blank? And in the old days, it was like, I don't tell my kids why. I don't say sorry to my kids, I don't explain things. I'm the father of this house. You will do what I say. And it's very heavy-handed. And so we grow up in that environment and then go, oh, I don't want to do that at all. Or you kind of get messed up by it. In the end, we are supposed to explain to our children. I don't tell my children why. Yes, you do. You should teach them diligently. Why do we obey God? Why do we follow Christ? Why do we love one another? Why don't we do this and why do we do that? Why are there consequences for this and why aren't there for that? We're modeling what it means to live under his authority. Discipleship in the home. It is caught mostly before it's ever taught. They see the way you and I operate. We see, they see how we respond to pressure. They see how we handle our sin. Do we actually say sorry for our sin? Does mommy or daddy ever apologize and ask for forgiveness? Do they even look like they need the gospel? Do they even look like they need the grace of God? Or is it just the heavy-handed perfect parent who never says sorry to the kids and never shows weakness and never tells you why? Your life and mine is forming their theology long before our words ever do. That's key to the foundation here. Number four, use God's means and reject pithy shortcuts. I wrote down this point because it drives me crazy when people think they can take shortcuts with their parenting. God has given the mission. He has also given the means by which we carry it out, first and foremost, his word. Scripture is sufficient. It reveals God's character, his righteousness. It equips us as parents for every aspect of life and godliness. So you can't consistently pour into your children what you're not consistently receiving from the Lord. And so you got to fill up on the word of God so you can pour it out to them. That's why you spend time in Scripture, so that you can fill up for your own soul and as a parent, pour out. Otherwise, you're gonna be pouring out a lot of emotions, a lot of anger, a lot of rolling of the dice. Maybe you're in the mood, maybe you're not. Maybe daddy's happy today, maybe he's not, maybe mommy is nice today, maybe she's not. Maybe your wisdom is your opinion, maybe it's not. The word of God. Second, his church. God has given his church to assemble together, to encourage one another, all the more as we see the day approaching, Hebrews 10 reminds us. Church is not this like legalistic thing. Your kid has to be there because we go to church. No, it's because we're we're in this local body and it's giving us teaching and accountability and support and encouragement and mutual love and this exchange of worship unto God and peace given to us. And the Lord is pouring out his spirit upon the people who have gathered. It's a spirit-filled worship gathering in which the word of God is saturating our hearts. What does that do for parents? Oh, it strengthens us. Some of the most encouraging moments in my life as a father happen on a Sunday morning. Some of the most encouraging times for my wife, they happen in the fellowship with other women and talking with parents and just being together. It's stirring one another up towards love and good works. Third, God's people, which it's not only the gathering of the saints for worship, but it's togetherness. It's getting wisdom. Proverbs actually speaks of the wisdom found in those who have walked before us. My wife and I have had multiple parenting mentors, older gray-haired people out front of us. And it's wonderful. In our church, we have these multi-generational kind of families that are in the community, and there's so much wisdom to be gained. And by the way, there are mistakes to be avoided and there's encouragement to be received. And you can get a lot from people who have navigated the seasons that you're entering. That is part of God's design for a healthy home. So if you don't have the word of God, if you're not saturated in the life of the church, if you don't have a community around you running the same race, and by the way, chasing the same pace. Like they don't want to be lazy with their parenting. They're not, you know, bubble wrapping their kids. They're not doing the gentle parenting stuff. They're not like, well, whatever. I don't want to be that guy. I don't, no, no. People that are like, I want to be a disciple maker of my children. I'm not wasting this one opportunity I have. You run around with those kind of people, I'll tell you your home's gonna be different. You hang out with people on cruise control, well, you show me your friends, I'll show you your future. Fifth, depend on God's grace. Depend on God's grace. Why do I want to end right there? Because even with clarity, conviction, effort, a community, every parent, myself, my wife, we together, we feel the weight of inadequacy. Who is adequate for these things? These precious little souls. God, I need your grace. I need your grace to cover my gaps. Everywhere I'm deficient, everywhere I make mistakes, everywhere I'm weak. Parenting exposes us, doesn't it? And it exposes our limitations pretty quick. We aren't even in control of outcomes. I can't regenerate my kid's heart. I can't guarantee the results. Salvation belongs to the Lord. And that should keep you up a little bit at night as a parent, but not to worry and fret, but to pray. Because what we can do is pray. What we can do is be faithful. What we can do is scatter the seed of the gospel into and upon those precious little hearts. And we can love God with all our heart, all our soul, all mind and strength, and we can do all these things that He's called us to do, and we can teach His Word diligently and pour that out of our children's lives. We can lead with consistency. We can do our best to repent, be humble when we fail, to model that mom and dad need the gospel too, and that we follow Christ, albeit imperfectly. And through all of it, in our own lives and with yours, little ones, we need his grace to be at work. It's his grace that covers our weakness, it's his grace that covers our sin. It's his power at work within any of our efforts. I had a friend one time say if anything has turned out good with my kids, God gets the credit. If there's anything off, it's my fault. One time also is a good parent. He was a good father. He said, It's only God's mercy that they don't end up in therapy or in prison after being under my leadership for 18 years. You know, he he was a great father and a faithful one at that. But he used to say that. Just he was so humble about it. And all his children, you know, grew up in godliness and love the Lord. And but he still was under no illusion. Like, yeah, me and my wife did this. Just follow these five steps, and you know, your kids will be just like mine. He was under no illusion that it was all grace upon grace upon grace. And so look to Christ today. If you feel inadequate as a mother, if you feel like you've been failing as a father, today is a great day to walk forward in the confidence of God's grace. His power works through your faithfulness. So go and be faithful even in repentance. Go and be faithful even in dependency. His purposes for our children will not be hindered by our imperfections. He can do it, he will do it. You be faithful. And so the goal is not raising children that just, you know, comply and they obey you or they look good on the outside and behave at church. The goal is to raise men and women who know God, honor God, and walk in his ways. That foundation is laid down, and our children are built up through daily example and through your teaching and your dependence on the Lord. That's where we begin. There's no better place to start. How can we begin anywhere else but the Word of God? So, with our foundation set, next episode, I want to talk about the pivotal role that fathers play in the life of children. Don't miss it. I can't wait to dig in with you. As always, thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. Thank you so much to you, our gospel patrons, as well, for giving to for the gospel. We are 100% donor-supported, reaching millions of people every single month, that's month, around the world in multiple languages, all because of faithful friends like you. And so thank you. And above all else, thank you so much for praying. We know that prayer is the power source behind all gospel ministry. So pray that we remain faithful. Pray that our teaching impacts hearts, pray that God will be glorified and the gospel would go forth. To learn more about For the Gospel and to partner with us, you can go to forthegospel.org, click give or about, check out the resources, all of it available there, as well as online on social media platforms. I'll be back next Monday with another episode.