Welcome to the Fully Gospel Podcast, where we provide sound doctrine for everyday people. I'm your host, Costi Hinn. And on today's episode, I'm sitting down with a dear friend and a brother and a ministry teammate here at our church. His name is Drew Bauer. And Drew is 24 years old, but has lived experiences beyond his years, and he speaks with wisdom beyond his years. I wanted to have him on because I think that his story will be a great encouragement to so many of you. Him and his wife Savannah lost their baby girl Joy this year. And while that is probably the pinnacle, we can call it the peak of their trial. There's nothing worse and harder than burying your baby girl. The pressure they were under leading up to Savannah's delivery was immense. Doctors saying, abort the baby, just abort the baby. It's cruel. This is not necessary. This is a danger. Don't have the baby. Just abort the baby. And they held fast to their faith and their belief in the sanctity of life. And that's not the only takeaway from this. I think this interview is going to bless you in a tremendous way. And so Drew and I are sitting down. We're digging in deep. Don't avoid the topic. I know some parents think, I don't want to listen to this. I just could never think about that. It's just too much. No, you need to listen and you need to hear the testimony and you need to prepare for suffering ahead of time. Not that this will happen to you, but whether it's you or someone you know, every Christian should be equipped to stand firm, both when it comes to the sanctity of life, and then also the sovereignty of God and trusting him in the midst of immense suffering. Here's Drew and I talking about their situation and testimony. In 1873, Horatio Spafford gets this note. He's a Christian attorney, gets a note from his wife. She's on a ship traveling with their four daughters, gets a note and it says, Saved to telegram alone. And she's referring to being alive. She was saved and just her. They lose their four daughters. Their ship sank as it's crossing the Atlantic. And Horatio Spafford, just absolutely devastated, uh, brutal situation. He goes and has to sail to go to where they are. And he crosses the spot where they had drowned and where the ship had sunk. And it's where the Lord gave him the hymn, It is Well. He begins to pen those words, you know, where when sorrow's like sea billows roll, whatever my lot that has caused me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul. We think about that in particular. And it always makes me think like, how does a Christian endure the unthinkable? I love that hymn. We sing it at our church, and it's just a reminder that it is well with my soul, no matter what I face. But that's difficult. You know, unthinkable circumstances, losing uh daughters, losing a daughter like you did. Um, Drew, you you know and I know theologically, God does not waste our suffering. We know all the Christian platitudes, but it doesn't make it any easier to go through loss. I think the tears, the pain, uh, that that knot in the pit of your stomach that doesn't really go away is something that not everybody experiences in general in their life, but very few experience it at your age. You're 24 years old, and you and your wonderful wife, Savannah, went through this. And you know, we've known you now for years, and you're our student minister here at the church. You guys are so faithful. But beyond that, just on the personal side, you have been now enduring something this year that is it is echoes of that unthinkable kind of idea. Like, talk to me about your story a little bit, kind of share with people what you guys have been facing this year.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, oh, absolutely. I think and amen to all of what you said, because there's a a level of just unthinkableness to it. And we had experienced a miscarriage, and that was our first pregnancy, and they ended up being twins. And so, you know, one of the blessings of going to a church that's faithful like ours, and one of the joys of seeing all the families and all the things that are going on is you see a lot of babies, and we do the family life updates, and it's like boom, five babies, boom, six babies, boom, seven babies, or whatever. And um, and so me and my wife we got married three years ago, and we've been thinking about that ever since our first couple months of marriage. We always knew we wanted to have a family, and so we had been talking about it, praying about it, uh, trying for that and hoping to have it. And so when we first got our first positive pregnancy test, super excited, obviously. And we ended up miscarrying at eight weeks, and so that was our first taste of loss, um, and just something that we had never thought about, maybe in a level of just difficulty that wasn't on our radar, and we knew that this was something that people experienced. We had heard stories of it, but couldn't quite grasp the depth of the sorrow that we'd feel from it. And so I think even the Lord preparing our hearts for what went on with Joy later on the same year, six months later, we went into uh the OB to confirm what we thought was a positive pregnancy test. And upon the confirmation appointment, we were super excited. And then, so at five weeks we're in there and super thankful, but also still holding our breath, remembering the pain that we had just experienced. And then eight weeks you go in and you see the heartbeat, and you get to see on the monitor the little hands moving around. It's really exciting. And that was the first time we had gotten to see that, and so we were amazed and blessed and thankful, but also we had this just level of relief, I think that as we saw it on the monitor for the first time, I was like, wow, this is real, and it's realer than maybe even last time was. As much as we knew that that wasn't true, that was just kind of the honest, raw thought. And going home, you know, from that appointment, we had talked about that. And then at 10 weeks, we went back in and we got to see her on the monitor again. And so it was like, wow, now we've gotten back-to-back, you know, views of this sweet little one, and this is amazing. And then at 12 weeks, um, we go back in and all seems right. And they saw some things that maybe were concerning, but nothing that would have led us to believe that this was gonna end in loss or end in uh passing away or anything that would have been serious and heavy. But at 13 weeks, Savannah went in for just a normal routine checkup. She had had some um pain, I think, in her stomach, and she just went in to check with her OB. Her OB ends up referring her to a high-risk doctor and says with the caveat on her way out, she says, I would be surprised if this is anything. And so Savannah goes into this appointment thinking, okay, there's probably nothing. You know, I she had some clotting and the placenta, but not that big of a deal. They should be able to just put me on some medication, we'll be all done with it. This is purely out of an abundance of caution. And the doctors made sure to reassure her of that two or three times in that appointment. And so, up until this point, I hadn't missed any appointments with Savannah, but I ended up being scheduled to preach at a chapel on the day that Savannah ends up in the high-risk appointment. And so our sweet friend goes with her. She's like, Hey, I'm off for this day. I'd be happy to uh take her. And that was just an a moment of God's providence because she happened to have the day off of work and was able to go with Savannah while I was at this chapel in a different spot in the valley. And um, so she goes and I preach this chapel. I get back into uh my car and I'm driving home. I text her, you know, hey, how did it go? What's been going on? Blah, blah, blah. She doesn't text me back. I'm like, oh wow, that's a long appointment. Savannah calls me about 30 minutes later, and I can hear her is just sobbing, devastated. And my wife, uh, as all wives are, certainly have some tears, but I've never heard her cry like this in all of our years of marriage. And so hearing that in her voice, I think was a new just level of emotion for me because I had never heard her feel like that. And so, you know, talked with her. I said, Hey, come by the office, have, you know, have Emma drop you off, and we'll be here and we'll talk through it. Savannah and I walk outside of our church office, and I, you know, I receive her into my arms, I give her a big hug. Her and Emma are both crying all the way over here. I say thanks so much to Emma for drive, driving her, dropping her off. And Savannah gets out of the car, we walk around uh the neighborhood back here, and she shares with me what they had found. And they had found that the baby had a small chin, uh, heart deformity, and I think it was a hole in the heart, and uh something called an umfalacyal, which is the some of the organs are growing outside the body. What the doctor described was that any of these things separately wouldn't be that big of a deal. They can perform surgery, they can kind of make adjustments over time, and baby can make a recovery from those surgeries, and it won't be that big of a deal. But they said all three of those together is leading us to believe that it's something called triploidy. And what triploidy is, is it's a chromosomal abnormality, and it leads to triples of every chromosome rather than double. So all of us have 46 chromosomes. Um, somebody with special needs may have 47 or 45 or something in that orbit, but our daughter had 69. Wow. And so there was a whole extra set, which is usually caused by either absorbed twin or just a freak accident that affects less than 1% of pregnancies every year. And so there was tens of thousands of cases that they had done studies on. And of those tens of thousands, less than 10,000 had made it out of the first trimester. And so to know the exact number of babies that have this is really not possible. Just because most of them end in a first trimester. Yep. Timeline doesn't even go past that. Right. And so there's there's usually miscarriage very early on. And so even for our daughter to have made it to this 15-week appointment was amazing. But we're talking through it, and I guess at that appointment, they had led Savannah to believe that this is something that usually does not end in life, but may. And so what I'm receiving through the telephone at this point, you know, from the doctor to Savannah to me is okay, there's a chromosomal abnormality, and there's a possibility that our daughter lives. And so we go into the next week, kind of having prayed through that and recognizing that obviously our daughter's at great risk for whatever the case that this presumed triploid is. We go into our next doctor's appointment and find out that this is exactly what our daughter has. And so I remember sitting in that room with Savannah and just almost having this little bit of hope, just squished for the final time, and thinking, wow, is there a possibility that this baby lives even? Is there any way in which and we had asked all of those questions, is there any way in which this results in a life, even if we'd get to meet her for a couple days or a couple hours or what? And they said the longest known survival case of a baby with triploidy is about 10 days. Wow. And so even on the longest term, we would only get to meet her for 10 days, and then she would go to be with the Lord. And so for Savannah and I, obviously hearing that is just like a gut punch. But at the same time, I think there's concerns, you know, about Savannah's health. There's concerns about our baby's health, there's concerns about just our own well-being. Are we going to be able to work? Is Savannah gonna be able to work? Is she gonna be okay? Usually what comes with it is preeclampsia, and so now she's at risk of that. Yeah. This OB that we're in their office is sharing all of these things with us, and we're kind of receiving them, you know, okay, not a big deal, whatever. And the final statement she makes is yeah, it's really not worth you guys carrying this pregnancy because it's gonna end in loss. And I remember having this almost maybe sanctified rage, maybe just selfish rage, but you know, that's my daughter. You're not gonna talk about her like that. You're not gonna, you're not gonna say that about her. You know, this is a life. And I can't imagine after the fact, obviously, I need to give grace to this OB because there's a level of she has to deliver this news all the time. Sure. And so I need to be not a believer. Sure. And I need to be compassionate, but at the same time, I'm also like, oh, no way. Uh, we're absolutely not doing that. And so we kind of let it in, you know, thanks, but no thanks. We kind of just let her stay there. I'm trying to obviously use self-control, Savannah, probably the same. And a few minutes later, she then suggested again. You know, terminating the pregnancy would really be your best course of action. Okay, hey, thank you so much. That's not an option for us. So can we just continue on with the information? Is what what I had shared at that point. And she goes into a big long spiel about how it's really unloving for uh us to think about that when Savannah's health is at stake and when Savannah could be at risk of a heart attack, she could be at risk of a stroke, she could be at risk of dying, she could be at risk of needing blood transfusions, all of this for a life that's not going to end in life, to is what she had said. And I I remember sitting there and thinking, you know, okay, so what would you what would you suggest that wasn't that? Well, you know, you don't have many other options. And so we we packed up our things, we left, and you know, we made our next appointment or whatever. On the way out, Savannah said at the desk, Hey, can we make sure we never see that Obi again? And we ended up finding another lady in the same practice who um has been wonderful and just a gift ever since that point. So two weeks later, we end up in the emergency room, and that had been the first time, though. So obviously, abortion was suggested to us. Two weeks later, we end up in the emergency room. End up Savannah had some differing levels on some things, and not that big of a deal. This is where they found out that she did indeed uh develop pre-eclampsia. And so we're like, okay, so what does that mean? And what does that look like? Well, the next morning we stay overnight and they had to monitor for 24 hours. The next morning, whoever the high-risk doctor in the hospital at that point was comes in. We'd never met her before. She wasn't the one that Savannah had seen. She wasn't anybody that was really involved with our obstetrician or anybody that was in our orbit. And she comes in, and I had been uh at the Starbucks down the hall or whatever, grabbing Savannah's some breakfast. And I come in and this lady's standing there. And she's standing there with her arms crossed and almost and a hip popped and one leg straight out, you know, wearing the full get up. And uh I walk in, and she's a a quieter lady, but has a disposition that's very confident. And so you can tell that this isn't just a nurse. This isn't just somebody who's helping out. This is this is one of the bosses. Shock collar. Totally. And so I walk in and I sit down, and this lady says, I was just explaining to your wife how dangerous this is and how her real health is at risk, how she's at risk of a heart attack and a stroke, and more than any person that's her age should ever be. And she goes on to explain that the best course of action is termination of the pregnancy. And she says it in very doctoral terms and make sure to dress it up. But I know exactly what she's saying. She says DNC or she says pill. And she says that both of them are safe procedures and we can do them today if you'd like, and if that's what you so choose. And I've got my Bible right there because we're there for the overnight. And so I just open up and I'm like, hey, thank you so much. I actually would love to read you this excerpt out of Psalm 139. And this is this is why we're not going to be doing that because God has already numbered her days. And at this point, we had found out it was a girl and we named her Joy. And I said, God has already numbered Joy's days. This is not for us to decide. It's not, it's not even a matter of belief. This is just a matter of the truth and whether or not you would like to be a part of that with us. That's really our decision to make because this is our daughter in my wife's body. And she says, Well, I just want to make sure you guys know all the options. And Savannah goes, There is no other option. This is it.
SPEAKER_01Come on.
SPEAKER_00And so we go on, and I I think I had finished reading the verse at that point, and she just looked disgusted. She looked like we had no idea what we were talking about. She gave us an eyebrow raise and almost scoffed at us and frustrated. And you know, there's a moment in there where you've got this person who's undergone 10 years of schooling, and you're sitting there as a 24-year-old kid, you know, trying to lead your family, and you've got your heirloom, you know, crossway Bible. But um, there was no other option for us. And so, and that really was what we were convicted on was that hey, the Lord has already numbered their days, and for our daughter, he's already molded her together in her mother's womb this thus far. There's not going to be an ending to that unless he decides it.
SPEAKER_01Was that the nonstop kind of cadence of a lot of the doctors like abort, abort, abort, abort, and that kind of pressure for the entirety of the pregnancy?
SPEAKER_00So, really, for the four first four weeks, that from the time that we had found out, because I think the high-risk doctor that Savannah had suggested it, but didn't push it. We go back to our OB, and the OB that we had been seeing throughout this pregnancy pushed it three, four times in that meeting, even in spite of what we had shared with her and that we were convicted. She continues to go. And so at a certain point, we just got up and left and we're just like, hey, thanks, but goodbye. And made sure to let the desk ladies know, obviously, that we won't be back with this lady at least at the practice. And then going into this hospital again, this lady has no understanding of our case. She's probably looked at a file outside for sure. Just came in very unannounced and very uninvited. That just wasn't anybody that we asked for. It wasn't anybody that we needed. Um, we had finally found and we had been looking, obviously, we'd been looking for people that had the same view on life as us. We had been looking for people that cared and wanted to protect not only this baby, but also Savannah's health. Because then as a man, I'm weighing through, man, I need to lead my family. And what does that look like? And how do I make sure that I protect Savannah? But at the same time, we try and extend these days as many as we can, knowing that the likelihood is this baby's going to be gone. However, we still have her now. And so we're still getting to hear her heartbeat on the Doppler. We're still getting to see her on the screen. And so there's moments where not interactions like physical face-to-face, but very real that we can see what the Lord is doing and how he's grown up. You know, Savannah's got the app. It's a great fruit, it's a great, it's line, you know. So now, you know, now Joy's the size of a melon or something like that, or whatever she is. And we go, Savannah had gone to the back to the OB about a week after that emergency room visit. And it's been four weeks now of just constantly doctors suggesting that we end the pregnancy and that we terminate it. And again, they dress it up, and as a matter of fact, they make it sound very appealing and almost scare you into that this is the only option. But us obviously having the conviction that we're not gonna do that and our trust is in the Lord, and not that I want my wife to die, but we know this is a risk that that we're gonna be willing to take because this is what the Lord has commanded of us, and that's what we're gonna do, even in the case that something seriously wrong goes on. Yeah. Which is just a horrifying decision as a man to make. But we wanted doctors that were gonna be in our corner that whole time, and we're just hoping and praying for them. Then we finally met our OB that we now will be loyal to for years to come, hopefully. But she closes the door when Savannah gets there. And I wasn't able to be at this appointment, but this is how Savannah described it. She closed the door, misty-eyed, glasses on, takes her glasses off, and she says, Sweetheart, we don't know each other, but I am so glad that you have chosen to keep this pregnancy. And again, upstairs from the other one. And so it was the first time that we were like, Wow, the Lord has sent someone to be in our corner in the medical field, because again, you're feeling like you're a fool as a young man and a young woman in there, knowing that this is what God has ordained. And so never distrusting the Bible or never distrusting what God has commanded, but almost unsure about yourself. Like, is this the right way? Are we sure? All of these doctors seem to know more and they've certainly been to more schooling and they know medically. Are we making a make uh are we making a mistake? But uh, this lady comes in and she says, We're gonna do whatever we can to make sure that you deliver this baby, that you hopefully get to meet what the Lord has already crafted. And we're going to do whatever we can to protect you in the midst of this. She signs us up with or she refers us to a different high-risk doctor who's also a Christian, but he goes to another church in the valley. He immediately receives us. You're not making the wrong decision, you're making the right decision. We meet with him uh every week at this point until the end of the pregnancy. And so I think we we were 15 weeks when we found out this is 19 weeks when we found these two doctors that we're both gonna advocate for the life of joy. And so we got to spend obviously countless appointments with them. Every week, I think we met with both of them until we delivered. And at delivery, they were both there and they both were with us all the way. And the OB that we had had, she was off that day and came into the hospital to deliver right alongside Savannah. And There was just an abundance of people that the Lord continued to bring about that had insight and had wisdom and were able to help. One of the things that happened in those two months after we had found that team was Savannah developed a pretty severe pre-eclampsia. And so she wasn't allowed outside of my site. I'm sure you guys remember, you know, she's sitting at the office every day.
SPEAKER_01It was awesome. Oh, she's and such a new team member.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, such a light and so joyful, but at the same time really struggling and obviously entering in the later stages of pregnancy. So she has all the normal pregnancy things going on. But we also have the reality of, yeah, we're we're not gonna get to meet this girl. Like she is, she was such a trooper and a testament to God's grace in her life because she was so quick to be joyful and so quick to think to give thanks to the Lord, so quick to not complain as much as I knew she was uncomfortable. I knew she was in pain. The high blood pressure that comes with pre-eclampsia, obviously, means lots of swelling and lots of intense feelings in your limbs and in your hands and in your feet. And so at 26 weeks, she looked like she was 36 weeks and just had extra fluid and extra belly and extra all of it. Um and we go into the hospital at 26 weeks, thankful for all that the Lord has done. But Savannah was feeling some cramps once again in her stomach. So we go into the hospital, had no idea we were in labor, had no idea that the baby was coming at this point, had no idea that the baby was gonna come so early. Obviously, this is three months early, and that's a risk with pre-eclampsia. And I think that was a risk with Savannah's specific situation. But baby comes, we get admitted to the hospital, they say, Hey, you're in labor. And we spent the next 24 hours really trying to pallet that, okay, Lord, if you're gonna work a miracle, it's gonna be right now. Wow. And I remember sitting down, you know, I I grew up anti-vax. I grew up like going to the doctor's office. If I had to absolutely, you know, if I got tetanus, maybe I was going to the doctor's. And my parents are the best. But we also grew up an hour away from the nearest hospital. So no chance we're spending an hour worth. You're like, we we're gonna figure it out on the farm. Totally, yeah. I stepped on a nail when I was six, and that was like the only time I can really remember going to the hospital. Um, but so now I've been in the hospital more times this year than I have in my whole life. Wow. And we've got this flood of nurses coming in. And when you're in a situation like ours, um, they put this wreath over the door that says something to the effect of extra love needed in this room or something, you know, very much yeah, much more eloquent than that. But it almost looks like a dream catcher.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so we had gone in, and the first nurse that walks through the door was the same nurse who had received us when we went to the ER months ago. And so she saw our face, and we had obviously been in there overnight. Um, and that was the same time that we had read that high-risk doctor, Psalm 139. And this nurse comes in and she says, I saw your name pop up on the sheet, and I haven't stopped thinking about you guys since you were in here months ago. And her name uh is Alyssa and so sweet. And Alyssa's a believer, and she goes to church in the valley, and she's wonderful. But she comes in, she's like, I'm so sorry you guys are back. But I'm I'm right here with you. Wow. And continue to come in and check on us, and obviously just doing all the normal things that a nurse would do. But with this added bond, we knew that she was a believer too. And so the Lord, even just from the moment that we stepped foot in this hospital to give us the gift of a fellow believer that was always going to be in our presence and whose sole job was to just care for us, could care for us physically very much so, but could also care for us spiritually in a time of need. And just she came by and constantly, she never provided Bible verses or anything like that, but she was always so joyful, so kind, so patient, so loving, so quick to ask how we were doing, to ask what we had been praying about, to ask if she could pray with us. And so we had the first eight hours, you know, nurses go in every in eight-hour shifts. So for the first eight hours, we had her, and then we had another young lady uh who was again just one of the sweetest people that we could ever imagine. I can't remember exactly what her name was, but she was wonderful. She stayed with us through that night and her and Savannah became fast friends. You know, Savannah's a hard person to not be friends with. But in the sweetest. Truly. And but in a situation like this, I think it was amazing because the joy was still there for Savannah. And to see this level of Holy Spirit intercession and uplifting while on the hospital bed, about to give birth to the baby that you know you're likely not gonna get to hold as a living human being. It was amazing. Savannah was smiling. She was asking them how they were doing. She was asking them how she could pray for them, sitting right there next to her. And we just got, I mean, the TV is, you know, tiny and there's no sound on it. We weren't gonna do anything else except for read scripture and pray and get to talk with these nurses who came in and out. And so that's really what the next 24 hours looked like. And, you know, obviously they're doing all the normal pregnancy things and coming in to check on her and coming in to see if she needs an epidural and coming in to see if she's, you know, uh needing to get up or whatever, just caring for us, just like any other delivery. But we all had this in the back of our minds at the same time together that yeah, this baby was gonna be gone, you know, either upon delivery or before delivery or whatever that looked like. And so the next day after the sweet nurses that we had, the next day Savannah gives birth and um joy comes out of the womb, and we get to see her little body, 26 weeks, very long legs, just like me. Um toes that were that had a middle one that were longer than the big toe, and that's my feet. And you got to see her hands, and there were some deformities because of the because of the obvious genetic just differences, but she had the sweetest little lips, these feminine little lips that were just thin and looked like almost like uh Meryl Streep, you know, just amazing to see what the Lord does. And as joy came out, it was like we knew all of the weeks of waiting and all of the weeks of caring and all of the pain Savannah had experienced, as disorienting as it all is, yeah, she soaked up every minute of that birth. And we had worship music playing in the background. I'll never forget. It was He maketh no mistake. Wow. And Completely Known, Completely Loved by Matt Boswell was playing in the background. And that was the words that were echoing through our ears as we held our daughter. She came out, she breathed once, and it was almost like she breathed to let us know she was there and then passed and went right into the presence of the Lord at that moment. And so the doctors um obviously finished up and cleaned everything up and cleaned up joy and wrapped her up in a sweet swaddle, and then we were able to keep her body with us for a couple days afterwards. And you know, I think you came by and our other pastors came by and got to see her and got to see what the Lord had done, but also get to see this confirmation that her soul is indeed with the Lord. And so it was horrible as an experience, but at the same time, it was just different, and I'd never been a part of anything like it because obviously you're not expecting as a 25-year-old who had heard all of these stories of people who miscarried and got a healthy pregnancy right after, or you've got these people that are like, I just know this one's gonna be a positive test, or I know this one's gonna be healthy, or I just know that you guys are gonna make such great parents. You're sifting through all these stories from church members, you're also sifting through all of these church members who are having healthy babies. And then you're also seeing even these people who are living in a bli blatant sin having healthy babies. Yeah. And so you're kind of thinking, well, Lord, you know, I've already dealt with the pain of this earlier this year. Uh, shouldn't I get some sort of reward on the other side? But instead, we just sat in that hospital and she was with him. And that was plenty of joy for us, honestly, as much as we would have loved to have a healthy baby. It was kind of in that moment that all of those stories and all of those thoughts were laid to rest, and you were just like, wow, she's with him and I miss her.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00But I can't wait to see her again. And I know that when we see her again, it won't be as much about her as it will be about her king, but we'll get to be with her again.
SPEAKER_01Amen.
SPEAKER_00So that that was our life for the last year.
SPEAKER_01I'm so proud of you. I think watching you up close is uh super inspiring because I've seen the way that you've carried it. I I think that your age, while we don't really think about that a ton, um, and Paul says to Timothy, let no one look down on your youth, just prove to be an example in speech, love, conduct, and purity. I I never think of you as like, oh, what a you know, this kid. I I view you as as a man and in the ministry, but it is remarkable to think about that for whatever purposes God has in his providence, you have been allowed with Savannah to go through this at this age on this side of 25. I mean pre-25. Um, I think it was John Flavel said, uh, you know, providence is like Hebrew, it's best read backwards. You know, you read you read Hebrew right to left. As you look backwards, do you see the providence of God? Do you not? Like it, you know, what what do you see God having done where his fingerprints just are?
SPEAKER_00Totally. I think that's such a good question. And I think for us, certainly, God was really gracious to show his fingerprints in the moment, and we didn't have to wait for the glass to get foggy so that we could see it in some ways. We got to see it very tangibly right there. And he gave us grace and just us to recognize it at that moment, because I think obviously, with that being said, sometimes it takes four months, six months, eight months to see any of it. But for us, it was very much so these little reminders all throughout, even I think with the high-risk doctors that we got that were Christian, that were able to speak truth into our situation from a medical expertise perspective, but also with the same values that we held. Um, I think of the nurses that were in the hospital who I wrote down, I think a number of times while we were there for those couple days, just reflections that the Lord had been teaching us because I didn't want to lose them. And so I've got a whole notes page of just things that we were praising God for and things that we were looking at and seeing pictures of Him for. But one of the things was that it felt like we could see such tangible love of the Lord in every one of our nurses.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00We didn't have a single nurse that was unkind or rude or weird, and they're all with you for eight hours. And so you're expecting to kind of get one, you know, maybe get seven good ones, but one's kind of just strange. Yeah. We had eight of what I think are the best nurses in the world. Wow. And so sweet, so gracious, wanted to stay after with us and talk with us. Some of them got off shift and then came into our room and would would just talk with us well into the into the hours of the night because we weren't gonna sleep, but they for sure had places to be. Wow. And so I think there was a level of just seeing God's love, even through some of them weren't believers, and they still got to show this almost sort of common grace to us. And whether it was sympathy, whether it was pity, regardless of that, we felt super cared for by it and we were super loved. And I think that's a testament to the sovereignty of God in that even evil and even evildoers still partake in what God has decreed as good. And they know that it's a good thing to care for these people. We know that it's a good thing to have fellowship. And so even seeing that from the Lord and getting the opportunity at that moment to share the gospel with those people was a fingerprint of God and for him to give us the words to say in a moment that we had no words to say, because we could just fix our eyes on what Jesus has done and now get to share this really true lifeblood of Savannah and I with these people that have no idea or no context for it. Yeah. I think another one is just how the Lord provided with the church and the amount of people we had people in our congregation that we've never met, that we'd never heard of, that were getting our address and writing cards. And I think that's a testament to the leadership of our church and the care that they've shown. And you guys and the elders and the deacons and all of them. But the way that that transpired in our home, we had baskets, we had meals, we had gift cards, we had people that would just drop by and leave little notes on our doorstep. We had people paying for our medical bills that we didn't know. We had people who were sharing stories of their friend in Africa who was a missionary who was praying for us with his church. Like there was an abundance, I think after the fact, there was just an abundance of such obvious and tangible evidences that the Lord is using this for his glory. And he didn't have to do that. He could have done that years down the line when he's made me a softer man. He could have done that years down the line when I have more gratitude for Lord willing the kit children that we do get to have. He could have done that years down the line with anything. Yeah. But instead, he chose to show us that in the moment. And it was amazing. And so, yeah, I think to echo that providence is like a Hebrew, it's best read backwards. It truly looking back on it, I think it's baffling the amount of things that he did in each and every day. And I wish that I would have gone back and wrote them all down, like I did in those couple of days in the hospital, because even reflecting on those, it he is so good. And even in the midst of such great tragedy, there is so much about his character that shines through just as he says to Joseph in Genesis 50, 20, what man meant for evil, God intended for good. This isn't something that was a bad situation that got turned into good. It just was always going to be for good. And I don't want to sound insensitive and say, yeah, this trial was good, but what he did in it was certainly that.
SPEAKER_01There's been uh a lot of people who have struggled to trust God in the midst of deep loss. I mean, you lose your daughter, you're told to abort her all along the way. Uh, you, I would say, have been a pretty obedient person, generally. You love the Lord. I know no one's good. I know that you sinned, I know that you're normal in that regard. But uh there can be this Job-like response from someone who's generally been faithful and walks with the Lord and goes, I I I'm not perfect, but I've I've done kind of the right things and I've followed a pretty good track here. Um, and yet this is what God has allowed to happen to me. And I I heard someone say once, uh, you can't trace God's hand in the moment. You don't really know where he's going with it all, but you just you just have to trust God's hand in the moment. Did you ever struggle with trusting him? And then, and be honest, and if not, I I don't think that's spiritually prideful to say, what in the world prepared you? Were there deposits made in your life in the past? You look back on your parents, is it doctrine? How did you prepare for suffering? No one really prepares to have to watch their daughter breathe her last breath. Sure. But are there things that helped you trust God as you look back?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um I think there is a level of not being able to prepare for it at all. I think that there's on our sanctification bingo card, we're often thinking, how do I defeat lust? And how do I fight pride? And how do I not gossip? But there's something that happens in the midst of tragedy where I'm not thinking prior to battle, I need to prepare for battle all the time because we have it so good in America. And I know that there's other countries that do think that all the time. And I am really grateful for them. And I certainly will be forever changed on how I prepare for battle because of the situation. But thinking back to just God's hand in it all, there were certainly deposits made from my youth, even growing up in a, you know, in a Reformed Baptist church that has a really strong theology and emphasizes the sovereignty of God a lot. I knew, you know, what double predestination was when I was eight. But just not normal. Yes, totally. The average eight-year-old same with RC Sproul. Right. The Westminster Catechism, you know, what is the chief end of man, you know, to glorify God and enjoy him forever. And then you've got the Piper add-on, you know, a couple years later, and it's like, well, now it's enjoyable, and you know, glorify God by enjoying him forever. Yes. There was so many of those things that were just lock and key even prior to my salvation, because of what my parents had done and because of what the school that I had been at had done. And just as an encouragement to all of those families, and I know even for myself, I know for yourself that sometimes we sub at these schools and you're just like, dude, these kids don't care. Are they thinking about us? Are they thinking about this? Are they, you know, are they Is any of this sinking in? Totally. Okay. Totally. There was so much of that, even prior to my salvation, which I believe I got saved at 14. Um, knew the gospel, knew the simple gospel, made a profession of faith at seven, and then again at nine, and then again at 12, and then again at 14. I think 14 was the real one. Um, but then there was a click that happened at 14, where all of these things that I had never really understood before, or I maybe used to beat people over the head at school with, or made sure that I could pull it out when my dad's, you know, friends from church needed a little boost or whatever. There was a there was something that happened in all of those things. And it's just the Lord, yes, using all of those deposits to build up a theology, I think, for when suffering comes. But even in the midst of the pain and in the midst of the sorrow, you're not thinking necessarily about what Vodhi Bakum had to say on this for me. Um, some people are, some people are not. And I know people in my life that can remember specific sermons or specific lines or specific things that have really helped give them perspective on things. For me, it wasn't any one thing as much as it was just a system of understanding. Wow. And getting to walk with my wife through that, she has a very specific brain. So she remembers things very specifically. And so she has those one-liners, she has those sermons, she has those verses in specific that give her a reminder of the character of God. And for me, I can look back and see there was a a lot of those that happened. I can think of the pastors that I had growing up, I can think of the discipleship group leaders that I had. I can think of my dad, my brother-in-law, my sister, my mom, you know, my brother, all these people that are faithful believers walking with the Lord and just sharing tidbits of encouragement with me. There were things that were specific in the moment that were really, really helpful. One of them is a book called Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy. And it's this book that was given to us by a friend who, in his opening chapter, the book talks about sorrow and it talks about lament, it talks about grief. And it says, oftentimes, as Christians who believe in the sovereignty of God, we feel like we need to go to the Lord and not doubt anything that He's done. We feel like we need to walk into prayer, almost having a prepared heart that can then approach the king and say, Hey, God, I know that you're sovereign and I know that you're in control, and I know that your ways are higher than mine, and I know that your thoughts are higher than mine, and almost reciting these scriptures to get our heart to match what our head knows, rather than coming to him and saying, Lord, I am broken, I am lost, I don't know what's going on, and I know that you're sovereign and I know that your character is this, and I can see all of the things that you've given me in my life to know that to be true. And yet, right now, in my human emotion and in my human mind, I have no idea what's going on. So would you please help me understand? And he says, What more of a declaration of faith is it that you would go to your king who sent his son to die for you and ask him to be the one to change your heart rather than thinking that you would be able to somehow manufacture a faith and then bring it to the Lord, asking for a reward. That's so good. He says it's so foolish. And I think I just as I've reflected on that, it is such a moment of pride. And there were so many moments of pride for me until I read that chapter and of thinking, man, I have been going to the Lord so dishonestly. I have gone been going to the Lord almost as a Pharisee, projecting myself to be one way, but really feeling another way. And so I'd leave these prayers feeling like I trusted the Lord more because I spent an hour in prayer. But I wasn't actually trusting the Lord anymore because I wasn't being honest with the Lord and letting him handle my heart and letting him hear my heart and remembering that he's strong enough to handle those things and he will change them in you. Because what I really needed was a confession and what I really needed was repentance. And what I really needed was just open and honest. God, this isn't sin. This is just how I'm feeling. And then allowing him to take all of those pieces and then mold them together and say, son, I love you. We're going to get through this together. Because that's really what Psalm 23, 4 is. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. That is him not saying you're not going to be in the valley. Or when you're in the valley, make sure that you try and jump up outside of it so I don't see you in the valley. He's saying, I will be with you the whole time as you're walking through, because I'm leading you in it. And I remember thinking, wow, that just changed my life. And I can't wait to share that with anybody else because I know that that's a temptation for us. And especially for me.
SPEAKER_01I'm beyond grateful for your willingness to share all of that and be so honest. I think that that will help a ton of people. Even just the prayer element. We sometimes go to God looking to impress him with all our theology. Zophar did that. Remember Job's buddy who had all the right theology? It's like right truth, wrong time, wrong delivery. Uh we don't need to go to God and sound like really, really good, tight, catechized little Baptists who are very reformed in our understanding of his sovereignty, uh, using our these and thou's. We just need to go to God and be really honest. He is our ever-present help in time of need. And I I think that may be in the midst of all you shared wonderful truth, that may be some of the most helpful wisdom for people that are looking for permission to just get honest with God and express their deep, deep need for him. Drew, grateful for you, grateful for Savannah, grateful for Joy's life and how the Lord has also used her death. We love you, brother. So proud of you. Hey friends, I'm so grateful for Drew's honesty and him and Savannah just being willing to share their story and grateful for those of you who listen and watch. And no doubt somebody out there has either been through something similar or someone you know is going through or been through something similar. And I pray that Drew's testimony in Savannah's is an encouragement to you and just reminds you, you're not alone in the fight. And maybe there's a little more wind in your sails today as you face what could be the unthinkable and the unimaginable, but you hold fast to the truth and you rest upon the goodness of God, even in the midst of great and sorrowful trials. From all of us here at the ministry, thank you so much for your support. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for giving and sharing these resources. We love you and count it a privilege to get to serve you in this regard. If you want more information about partnering with the ministry, or if you want to go get some more free resources and look up different keywords and subjects and you want to dig in more, just go to forthegospel.org. We also have our YouTube channel and our social media outlets. Every day there's content both to learn and grow from and then also to share and be salt and light in today's world. I'll be back with a new series and another episode starting next Monday. Keep on living for the gospel.