Unleashing the Agile Within: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Personal Growth with Clarissa Burt

Have you ever questioned the crucial role your inner child plays in team dynamics or how understanding your personality type can enhance your relationships? Our esteemed guest, Clarissa Burt, a luminary in personal growth and development, sheds light on these intriguing aspects and guides us on a journey of self-discovery and growth. Together, we unpick the importance of fostering healthy self-esteem, accepting mistakes as invaluable learning experiences, and the power of continuous personal development.

Ever grappled with the concept of setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional relationships? Clarissa impressively blends courage, self-esteem, and emotional management into a remarkable formula for developing meaningful connections. She shares enlightening insights on protecting oneself from toxic relationships, understanding generational trauma, and the necessity of emotional intelligence. With her guidance, we also explore the distortive impact of social media on our perception of reality and mental health, and how embracing failure can be a stepping stone towards success.

Lastly, we explore the power of values and self-reflection in personal growth. Clarissa shares the importance of a strong value system as a life blueprint and the transformative potential of mirror therapy. We delve into how courage, self-esteem, and the acceptance of mistakes are key ingredients in setting healthy boundaries and fostering personal growth. This episode is not just a listening experience, it's a call to embrace the Agile Within. So, prepare to be challenged, inspired, and motivated to embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:21

Welcome to the podcast that challenges you from the inside. Welcome, be More and Discover the Agile Within. And now here's your host, greg Miller.

Speaker 2: 0:36

Welcome back everybody to another episode of the Agile Within. I hope you've missed us. We've been gone for a little bit. We haven't had an episode out in a couple of weeks. As you know, Mark and I have been busy with the Scrum Day thing in Wisconsin. We were working on the, if you've seen on social media. We've been working with Vasco Duarte of the Scrum Master Toolbox on his Agile Online Summit. We've been taking care of some episodes that will be out in October. We're recording this at the beginning of October, so look for a lot of those great episodes coming out on YouTube and you get to see our faces this time, Mark and my face.

Speaker 3: 1:16

Is that a good thing or a bad thing, Greg?

Speaker 2: 1:17

I don't know, mark. Yeah, I was just when I said that. I was wondering if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's a good thing for you that they're seeing your face. I don't know about me, but yeah. So anyway, we have our first guest back since our break and she is an internationally acclaimed, award-winning media personality producer, director, writer, author, does it all public speaker. She is also the founder and CEO of In the Limelight Media, which is a multimedia platform consisting of TV video, a podcast and a digital magazine. In addition to all of that, in her free time she's managed to write a book and it is an award-winning bestseller entitled the Self-Esteem Regime. It's published by Roman and Littlefield. It came out in 2021. It is available in Barnes Noble. Welcome our guest today Clarissa Burt.

Speaker 4: 2:07

In her free time she does her whole life In her free time.

Speaker 2: 2:10

Exactly, she's got no life.

Speaker 4: 2:13

She's got no life. It's so good to be here, guys. Thanks for having me and welcome back.

Speaker 2: 2:18

Yes, thank you. Thank you, I know we've been trying to hook up, for I was looking before we recorded. We were saying when did we do the pre-meet? It's been back in July, yeah, so we had to get caught up. So today is October 6th. For those listening, it's been three months since Clarissa and I first talked. We had we finally got synced up, so we're excited to do that. So today, her book, the Self-Esteem Regime we want to talk. We want to go into some topics in that we're talking about accepting mistakes as learning experiences, how to have healthy self-esteem. So, clarissa, as we mentioned, the folks who are listening here are in Agile or want to be in Agile, either Scrum Masters, which is what we are part of, a dev team and around teaming. So how can you help folks that maybe are, maybe they're struggling with teaming, maybe they're making mistakes we know in Agile it's okay to make mistakes and how can we deal with some of those things?

Speaker 4: 3:18

Yeah, I really like the name of Agile within, because what comes to mind for me is the fragile within, because we really there is so much that is fragile about some of our self-esteem as we go through life, and I think it's really important to take a look and stop and take a look, especially when teaming, that a lot of people that are walking around bring their inner child to the game. They bring their inner child to the boardroom, to the meeting room, because a lot of people haven't dealt with what they need to be dealing with, the things that were from their past, the things that were stuffed down, the things that still are causing them pain. And so I think that there's an awful lot of misunderstanding about someone's personality and personality type because they have not done the work on themselves. And what I offer and I invite frequently when I have these conversations, is we all need to understand that we have a sacred duty, not only to ourselves but to everyone that we will encounter in our lifetime, to do the work, the personal development work, the self-improvement work. And, guys, make no mistake about it, it's not fun, it cannot be fun. It can be obviously very difficult, it can be painful, it can be something you will procrastinate around, something you will put off because you think that another day would be a better day to start. And I'm here to say there's no time like the present to get working on yourself, and you're going to need some courage. You brought up the perfect word of the notes that we took three months ago. That was courage. Make no mistake about the fact that this is, in some cases, depending on how you say everyone's different. It's going to take some courage. It's going to take some stick toitiveness. You are going to have to do the work and people say, oh my God, it's work. All right, you don't want to do the work, at least put in some effort. It's semantic, right, you just get started, do it. And today, in today's day and age, there's no reason, there are no more excuses as to why you can't.

Speaker 4: 5:33

We were talking about before guy bashing and women not understanding men, all that stuff that's going on. Everybody's off dating and everyone's off the dating site. All that stuff that's going on when really our hearts are screaming for a relationship. Our hearts are screaming for love. Everyone wants to have love in their life, but everybody's finding the reasons to not have love in our lives and I will tell you that love really does complete us. I feel that that is true. I'm sorry it just does.

Speaker 4: 6:04

It may take some work and it's not always perfect, but we all want love in our lives. So what better way and what better time to get started on coming to a relationship whole. Come to the relationship I'm going to air quote. Like Mark said before, come to the relationship complete, or at least as complete as you possibly. Don't come with your old crap, don't come with your excuses, don't come with experiences from last relationship. Just come whole and complete. And when you do that again, whether it's in love or it's within your agile team, you know, because we want to be bringing our whole selves whole.

Speaker 2: 6:52

You're right. I want to ask you a question right there. That's a great point. You've probably heard, we've probably all heard. You know I've heard debates about should you bring your whole self to work Right? What do you think about that?

Speaker 4: 7:06

Well, I mean, I think you know your whole self. What do you mean by that? Am I bringing you know what? What am I my whole self.

Speaker 2: 7:14

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4: 7:18

The first thing that came to my mind when you said that is you know, ken, can you find love in the workplace? I guess you can. I don't know if that's really what we're talking about here. Do I bring the whole self? Do I bring my feelings? Do I bring a holiday.

Speaker 4: 7:30

Do I bring all of that? I think we need to bring our professional selves to the workplace and with with the caveat and the reminder to note to self that, no matter what, we are still always dealing with many people in front of us that are dealing, still dealing with their inner child. And we may be still dealing with our inner child. That's okay, nothing wrong with that. And here's a really great example the water cooler situation. And somebody walks up and says and this goes to to, to, to when I, when I talk about loyalty, is when I have your back, behind your back, and that's a huge one, right? So you know what a cooler situation you know people are. You know, standing around the water cooler, three people, four people, and they're all dishing on Susie Q, oh my God, susie Q, how horrible she is and how yucky she is, how she's dressed and whatever, whatever the deal is, you know. And so if you were to walk up and say you know, guys, I know Susie Q and I don't know, I think she's great, I mean, I know her differently than what you're describing, and maybe she's just having a bad day, maybe she needs a hug, and you turn and walk away, there are about five different dynamics that just happened in that in those 30 seconds.

Speaker 4: 8:41

Right, and so you know, did you? Were you? First of all, you came out smelling like a rose. Everybody else is going to think you stink Right, and they, whether you believe or not, you've planted the seed. You have planted a seed in. You know what you know.

Speaker 4: 8:56

Should I be doing this? Should I be gossiping? Should I be trashing somebody? Was that the right thing to do? Was I living in honor? Probably not the best me that I want to bring to the workplace. So, you know, bring your whole self again, with the caveat that it is a professional.

Speaker 4: 9:10

You know environment, but again, susie Q obviously was bringing her and her child to the workplace and may in that day or may in, whatever you may have, you just have to learn how to accept that she's not as far along with the personal growth path that you are or that you may be. And therein lies you're, the work that you've done on yourself, the tools that you have in the shed on any given day, and your, your big boy, bridges the maturity level, the emotional quotient that you will bring on any given day to any given case scenario. And again, I'm going to say yes to work, but also, you could be the relationship with your mother that we're talking about could be anything, but yes, you know, it's your emotional quotient, that is the most important, important thing. And it's again, it's your maturity level, quite frankly.

Speaker 3: 10:10

So question for you, clarissa, on that, maybe not as much as the question, I don't know, I'm just going to talk and see where it lands. How about that? Yeah, so I'm the type person that I don't compartmentalize my life. That's just not who I don't have a work life and a home life, right, and you know a husband life, right, a parent life. I'm just who I am so in. And so I was wondering if you could expand more on your professional self, because some would say there are times that I'm not necessarily professional, because I can be a jokester, I don't take myself too seriously, right?

Speaker 3: 10:55

In a situation like no, but go ahead.

Speaker 4: 10:58

I get you, first of all, describe professional, and I think that that means something different in every work case scenario. I mean we can talk about corporate, we can talk about medium size businesses, small size businesses and entrepreneurs and solopreneurs, and it would all mean it means something completely different, right? So I feel so I'm a professional, but I also am a jokester and I have all of it is out there, my heart is completely on my sleeve. So I know that. You know, I, I have to emotionally be a little bit more intelligent, if you will and many consider it's just per se, and it happens to me is I get hurt. I get hurt, I feel it. You know the closing up my stomach, I get a little offended and I go down that ego, that really immature ego path that I have to be very, very mindful of. So bring it back, you know, to center and make sure that you know, no matter what it is that's going on. I mean, if you're the kind of guys is hey, listen, can we? And there's nothing wrong with this either I really feel you know the best thing to do at all case scenarios is just get things cleared up. Get them cleared up right away, don't let them fester, don't let them become a thing that it's not.

Speaker 4: 12:02

Here's another case scenario when I talk about toxic relationships and that is, you know, to get to the again, cut to the chase immediately and that means, hey, can I talk to you for a second, would you mind? Yeah, okay, so what you just did, what you just said, whatever you know kind of it kind of set me off, not set me off to say whatever you want. It helped set me, it hurt me, it offended me, it came out wrong, matt, you know, and tell somebody, you know I, you know, just I kind of like really hurt a little bit, you know, and most people are going, oh my God, I have not done this to people because I'm just out there and I have fun and I joke around and I made teas and I don't know, and I'm going to trigger somebody. I mean, what do I know? I don't know. So if somebody would come to me and say, hey, that really kind of whatever me, my first instinct is going to be, oh my God, I am so, so sorry, like that was the farthest thing from my mind, point taken. Thanks for letting me know. We're good, now let's hug it out, cool, right.

Speaker 4: 13:09

If somebody says to you on you know, on the other hand, says to you oh God, come on, get over yourself. What the hell? I was just kidding, for God's sake, man, what you might have a toxic relationship on your hand. You might have to be a little bit more, a little differently. And when I say differently, you will then put a. You will put then. I'm not saying a wedge necessarily, but I'm saying you're going to put a little bit more space in between and you're going to treat that. That relationship would then be treated differently. Right, it's not going to be the same as you would with somebody you hugged it out with. It's just normal. It's just kind of normal stuff. So I'm with you, mark, on that. I get that whole hug it out thing and, like my, my heart is always on my sleeve sometimes to my, sometimes to my detriment, but I always want to.

Speaker 4: 13:56

I always want to make sure that it gets cleared up in the best and happiest way for you know, for me and for them.

Speaker 2: 14:03

Right, so I sorry, I have a I'm thinking through here. So one of the scrum has values. One of them is courage and I'm here encouraging.

Speaker 2: 14:13

So there's yes and I've experienced it, I'm sure Mark has too on teams where, like you said, the example you were giving of, yeah, I didn't really like what you said there and took courage to do that. There's a lot of stuff that goes on in teams, in scrum teams, that I've experienced, that folks come to me as the scrum master and say you know I have a problem with this person and did you talk to them? No, they're afraid. How do you get over that?

Speaker 4: 14:43

Yeah well, no, that's part of being professional. That's part of being a professional. I'm working in a professional environment, right, and so, again, getting over that is. You know, who do I want to be today? Do I know more important, my big or boy bit richest? Or I want to be a leader in my, in my field, a lot of people don't feel as though, you know, with with the imposter syndrome, they have a lot of issues saying you know, who am I to be a leader? I could never lead the pack. I could know.

Speaker 4: 15:08

Well, maybe you're just a leader in the moment. You know, if you're not leading the group, you're not leading the team. It's not your, it's not your allocation within the actual group. Maybe it, as you're a leader in the moment, you're leading you in the moment where you need to stand in for yourself and step in for yourself, you know to stand up for yourself, and that, I think, is really probably the most important thing when it comes to self-esteem.

Speaker 4: 15:34

Against self-esteem, not to script does not discriminate, and it goes really broad and really deep. So this is a self-esteem moment, this is a boundary moment, right, this is where you set your boundary. People say a lot of times think that a boundary has to be set with anger, ah, I'm going and screaming. No boundaries are set with ease, with joy, and I like to say, and with glory you know, we just get along. You know, in order to, in order to be able to step into, you know, the case scenario that you've just, you've just eliminated you also have to be, you've got to be, the leader of yourself, and that that with you, with it, you know, with the relationship with yourself. You know, when we say we're in a relationship with somebody, well, first of all, there are three in that relationship, and that means you are in a relationship with yourself, they are in a relationship with themselves, and then the two of you are in a relationship.

Speaker 2: 16:29

Right.

Speaker 4: 16:29

So it's really always kind of like this this trio isn't it. It's kind of that kind of thing that you have to learn how to manage your emotions and manage what you will and will not accept. You always have to know how to teach people how to treat you, and so, if you are not willing to step into that place or into that space or into the power, you need to continue to do work on yourself, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with creating boundaries. In fact, we all need to be creating more boundaries in our lives because it usually means we're cutting out the toxic. I talk, guys, a lot about the toxic stops here, right here, and it's the generational trauma that we've been subjected to, and obviously it was not meant with malice, it just is what it is.

Speaker 4: 17:31

So, what we were taught by the familiar tribe, what we learned with the peer groups, what we were taught with our educational institutions, what we were taught with our faith. There's all kinds of formation that happens around us before we leave the whole house, usually at 18 years old, and we venture out on our own, in our own path and on our own journey, right.

Speaker 2: 17:52

Right. People bring that to work. Right. People bring that to work right Absolutely, and they bring it to work.

Speaker 4: 17:58

Again, going back to what I said, it is our sacred duty from the minute we and this is something we need to be spreading far and wide and screaming from the rooftops with love, but the minute you put your foot out that door, the mom and dad Thanks mom, thanks dad, it's been great See you. I'll be back for Christmas dinner. Right? So everything you will do, every step you will take, every step you make from there on out, it's your sacred duty, sacred duty to be doing the work on yourself. And I said there's no excuse because of computers and because of the internet and all that. We've got groups and courses and classes and books and all the meetup groups, all kinds of stuff. When I was a kid, there was no internet, no computers, there was no smart phone. You went and you put a dime in the phone in the corner. That was my generation. I'm a boomer, I mean.

Speaker 4: 18:53

I told you didn't have it. You are.

Speaker 2: 18:55

Yes.

Speaker 4: 18:56

Really.

Speaker 2: 18:56

No, not a boomer, sorry, no, not a boomer, I'm sorry, no. Gen X, gen X. Okay, now a boomer.

Speaker 4: 19:04

Boomers from 46 to 64 and, funnily enough, I am now 64. But, with that having been said, my only place for solace, support, understanding, learning, reading out the reason why, purpose all of that was in a little teeny shelf of books in the back of the three bookstores that existed at the time, which were Walden Books, border Books and Barnes Noble, and it was called Self Help and it, honest to God, guys, there couldn't have been any more than 50 books on these shelves. I mean, it was like, it was just like a burgeoning thing. Now, when you go into the only bookstore that's left in the United States and it's, you know, the big bookstore, I mean, and it's Barnes Noble. If you go into the personal development section, it is through the Pon Rose, pon Rose, pon Rose, pon Rose, a billion-dollar industry which only goes to the point of the conversation we've been having for the last, I don't know 20, 25 minutes, and that is. People are always looking, they're always searching, they need help, they need assistance, they need guidance, they need support, and never more has that been so, at least in my lifetime, than right now.

Speaker 4: 20:17

And when I say that I mean in these last three years of loss loss of jobs, loss of money, loss of hope, loss of family, loss of friends, loss of identity just go down the list. These have been the last three years, some of the most destabilizing times ever, and the division that has happened is the I'm going to use the word a stronger word than I probably should, but the hate that is in people's hearts right now, with the division that is going on, is something that we really need to be taking what would I say? To heart, for lack of a better term. We need to be going back to kindness.

Speaker 4: 20:58

I don't care how you voted right now. I don't care If you need help down the stairs with the baby carriage, if you're running for an elevator and I can hold that door, if I can tell you I love your top isn't that pretty and never see you again in my lifetime. I don't care If I can get up and I don't use public transportation, but should I? Should I? If I can get up for the elderly or a pregnant woman, I'm going to do it because it's the right thing to do. It's the honorable thing to do and it's a kind thing to do, and when you do something kind, you know self esteem what I want if you do something good for somebody else makes me feel damn good about myself, and you may feel good too.

Speaker 2: 21:41

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 21:41

So, clarissa, I was just reading an article this morning from somebody that I looked up to a lot when I was younger, and so I'm delving Greg and our big sports guys. And this was a professional basketball player that I really admired and followed really closely at the time. His name was Vernon Maxwell and he was a guard that played for the Houston Rockets.

Speaker 3: 22:04

And his nickname was Mad Max, and the reason he was called Mad Max is because he was always just on the fringe for going off on somebody. This is an individual that athletically off the charts.

Speaker 4: 22:18

In my day was John McElroy. In my day was John McElroy. You guys remember the tennis player.

Speaker 3: 22:22

Oh yeah, so really similar. So this is an individual that because somebody insulted him during the game, he actually charged up into the up into the stands. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 22:32

Choked somebody. Yeah, that's the type person, and so I'm following him on LinkedIn and he actually is just starting. This is what he's called his second career, because he said you know, he grew up without a father and didn't have a male father figure in his life, and he didn't know how to channel these emotions when he was growing up. And this is his second career to let people know that now we have so much more available to us and we don't have we shouldn't, we should not have that stigmatism, because back in the, in eighties and nineties, it was looked at as a weakness, especially from a man, to talk about your feelings.

Speaker 4: 23:13

Absolutely, and it's you know. There again, there is no shame, no blame and no guilt, right In wanting to be a better person, more than they're than you were today, and we talk a lot in self esteem. To talk about the comparison, right, you know, like comparing yourself to other people. Well, let me ask you this. First of all, I know you've heard that the expression of the grass is always greener on the other side, meaning you're comparing yourself to the other side right.

Speaker 4: 23:38

So here's the feel about the grass being greener on the other side, and I have two things to say about that. One is the grass is always greener where you water it. True, yeah, and the second thing is are we really sure that it's grass, or is it astroturf?

Speaker 2: 23:59

That's good.

Speaker 4: 24:01

Right. So water the grass, worry about yourself, worry about your grass. Give it the fertilizer, give it the water, give it the sunshine, give it a good cut every couple of weeks and you're going to have beautiful damn grass.

Speaker 3: 24:18

Bloom where you are.

Speaker 4: 24:19

There you are.

Speaker 4: 24:20

And then it's astroturf, and I call into question here now social media. If it's astroturf and IE, it's fake, it's perceived, right? We've all seen the guy with the huge mansion and the two Lamborghinis parked outside. Well, okay, great. Now is it true? In other words, were they all just rented for the day and for that photo shoot, or should we all be rejoicing for him and his success?

Speaker 4: 24:54

Either way, it's something we want to be mindful about, because if it's not fake, well then you know I'm not doing business with him. I mean, if it is fake, I'm not doing business with him, but if it's genuine, I really want to be in his corner. You know, like I really want to be learning from him, right? So, just being really careful about social media, here we go about social media. We had in April, our attorney general his name is Vivek Murthy came out and said we have a youth mental health crisis going on right now like we have never seen. The CDC if you still want to believe in them or not, but the CDC has come out with some really alarming numbers, saying that 48 to 50% of our kids and when I say kids, I mean middle school, high school and college age are either depressed, anxious thinking of committing suicide or have committed suicide, and I say suicide instead of unaliving. Whatever it's, it's, it's.

Speaker 2: 25:47

I know I've heard that too.

Speaker 4: 25:50

It's just semantics. At this point, the word, the actual word is pretty damn scary. You know, we as adults need to be keeping our ear to the ground for our kids. Is it our own children? Is it? Is it our nieces and nephews? Is it kid next door? Is it? We're running around, you know, doing keynote speeches at schools and universities. What are we doing to these kids, and so so. So that was the CDC, that was, you know, youth mental health crisis. And then Dove. We all know Dove, right, some of us have in our showers right now. Dove has been doing something for years called the Dove self-esteem project, and they talk usually to young girls in that tween teen years, right, and they came out in April and said that they were going. They came out with this new hashtag hashtag, no filters hashtag turn your back, turn your back to the filters, because these kids are using especially the bold glamour filter at eight, nine, 10, 11 years old embellishes the way that that look. It would make you guys look hella handsome right now too, if you were right, In other words these

Speaker 4: 27:03

are filters that make us look so much better than we probably do on a normal day, when we're just getting out of bed or, you know, before us women have prettied up a little bit with a little bit of makeup. It's making us look like, you know, hollywood superstars. And so the messaging there to these girls or to the kids is you're not good enough just the way you are. You need these filters. And so what's happening now is that there's starting to be lobbies around the, the Instagrams, the TikToks, the you know all of these places that the kids get snap chats where they can find these filters that do these things right. We have to get, with our kids, a better grip on reality. The other thing for them, for their mental health, by the way. The other thing is can we just get back to the kitchen table, kids, the next hour is family hour. Put your devices down. Everyone in the kitchen. You chop the celery, you empty the dishwasher. You know you set the table. Tell me about your day. Let mom tell you about her day. Dad will be home soon. He's gonna join us at the table.

Speaker 4: 28:15

You know, like the way it used to be, guys, or at least the way I remember it when I was a young kid, right so? And we, like we would, you know, put into our calendars, you know, the hairdresser appointment, a nail appointment, you know time with beer with the guys, like, whatever our appointments are, we need to put that into our daily schedule. If it cannot be daily, can we make it three, four times a week. If we can't get it into the week, can we at least say okay, every weekend, five o'clock, you know whatever. In other words, start setting up new boundaries and parameters to really put down the damn devices.

Speaker 4: 28:55

You know, okay, let's say all right, everybody's sitting around watching a Netflix movie and we're all snuggled up and we've got our blankies and we're, you know, we got our popcorn. Great, everybody's in the family room. How about a discussion about the movie for 10 minutes afterwards? You know, just like you know communication time. It doesn't even matter what the hell the movie was about. It could have been Toy Story, for all I care. Right, but let's get back to listening to our kids and giving them a platform to communicate with us.

Speaker 3: 29:28

So I'm with you 100% there. I'm at a stage of life where my kids are out of the house now, so that's all.

Speaker 4: 29:37

It doesn't mean they need you any less.

Speaker 3: 29:39

Very true, very true. I wanted to turn this just one. I wanted to turn the conversation just a little bit because this is something that Greg and I can relate to in our work lives that we have to face all the time.

Speaker 3: 29:53

So our role as scrum masters generally, what we have to do is we're leading more by example, more so than authority, because we don't necessarily have people reporting to us, but we're nonetheless. We are leaders for teams, so often one of the things that we'll do is we share what we've learned through our failure.

Speaker 4: 30:19

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 30:19

And the reason that that is powerful is because it opens up those channels of people to say, oh okay, well, if Greg can share openly about how he failed and what that really what he learned from that, then it's safe for me and I don't always have to bring my here we go air quotes again Instagram filtered self to meetings or to talking with the team. I don't always have to show my best side. I can share my struggles as well, because that's really where you're gonna grow. You're gonna grow from your struggles more so than from your accomplishments.

Speaker 4: 30:57

Right. So the thing about failure is, first of all, it's a celebratory moment and I know that's gonna sound real like a little counter of what you would normally think. Cause people go. Oh my God, failure is a thing. Oh my God, I'm such a.

Speaker 4: 31:10

First of all, failure is your first attempt in learning Right, right, so I can guarantee you that the first car that came off the assembly line and the first light bulb that Einstein or whoever the hell invented it came off with, they were perfect for a million iterations since then, and each one of them got better. Hopefully, right, there is a God. Everything got better. But you're not gonna be able to make anything better unless you fail first, right. And so the idea of failure is something we gotta go. Okay, good, check done, did that next? What's next? So don't be afraid, fear, you know here we can go into a million different iterations as well, but you know it's your first. Sorry, it's face everything and rise, for example. Or face everything and reinvent is something that I like to say as well. Reinvent, by the way, is my fourth chapter in the book, and so you know. So don't be afraid to fail and know that failure is not a bad thing it's. You want you one step closer to success. So go ahead and share it, go ahead and invite people.

Speaker 4: 32:18

I look, I'm not gonna say live in failure for your life. You know that's not what I'm saying here. What I'm trying to impart is don't let it hit yourself esteem hard, don't let it bring you down, don't let it negatively impact all the great work you've been doing on yourself. Because you had a glitch in the road, that bump in the road. You know you need to be putting that in, as you know, on your to-do list. Make sure that bump is always on the to-do list. I am going to hit that bump like, plan on it right, because it's gonna happen. I'm not gonna say call it in, but inevitably life is life and that's the way it is. Other thing I like to offer you guys is, you know, is a value system, and when I talk to people about value systems I say give me your top five values, and a lot of times you get deer in the headlights, uh, or a uh what the hell's a value?

Speaker 4: 33:14

Let me think I'm not quite sure. If you can't drop me five right now and tell me what your top four five values are, you need to get back to the drawing board like right now, because your value system is your life's blueprint. Let me may I share my, my, uh, my value system, please. Mm-hmm, I take ready for the air quotes. I take the high road.

Speaker 3: 33:43

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4: 33:47

Honesty, gratitude, honesty, integrity, gratitude and honor. That right there, gentlemen, is the hill that I am willing to die on. That right there is the person that comes to any encounter, any meeting, any. You know, whatever, wherever I am, you know that you are going to get radical honesty You're going to get my moral principles are going to be like oozing out of my pores. Gratitude I can give you 10 things right now I'm thankful for on any given day. And honor. Honor is something that we usually associate with military.

Speaker 2: 34:25

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 34:26

No, no. Honor is so much more than that. You know, it's really. You know who are you when no one else is in the room, when you don't have an accountability partner? Who are you when you're untiegling the Christmas lights? You?

Speaker 4: 34:38

know like a true character, right, and and and we often hear about honor your parents, right, you got to honor your parents, well, clare, so what the hell are you talking about? Like, why don't I? You know my father was this and my mother did that, and you know alcohol is violent. Like I came from such a horrible background. Well, honor is going to be that weapon that keeps you from their dysfunction. It's going to keep you from that dysfunction overtaking you. It's going to keep your heart from being damaged, and it's all about remember that your parents dysfunction was all about what they believed about themselves and projected on to you. It was never about you. So honor them.

Speaker 4: 35:28

Honor your parents, honor your parents, because it's going to keep you out of pain. And then again it's it's. You want to always stand on principle, right. And the principle means to remain adamant in in, or to be true to yourself and to your beliefs, right. So create that value system for yourself, make it your life's blueprint and take it with you everywhere you go.

Speaker 2: 36:00

I'm glad you said that. I'm glad you said that everyone should have a value system because, as I mentioned before, scrum has five values.

Speaker 4: 36:09

That's hero, can I hero?

Speaker 2: 36:11

Yeah, mark, correct me if I'm wrong. It's courage, focus, openness, Mark. What are the other two? Respect, respect, yes, and what's the other one? There's one more.

Speaker 3: 36:28

Courage. I said that Courage. It's another C.

Speaker 2: 36:32

Yeah, is there another C? Let me look it up real quick. I should know this. Commit I brought it up. It's my fault. No, I brought it up. I didn't mean to scream Commit values, but I love the top four.

Speaker 4: 36:46

Courage is something I've talked about up until now and again, man you talk about again. Courage is something that's going to keep you on your high road. It's definitely going to keep you there and it's going to feel weird sometimes. In the book I talk about why you're looking that up. Let me just fill this in a minute and I talk about mirror therapy. Mirror therapy is something that I got from Louise Hayes' work and then Jack Canfield used mirror therapy a lot in his work, jack Canfield being the other half of the chicken soup for the soul series.

Speaker 2: 37:14

Oh yeah, I like that.

Speaker 4: 37:16

Yeah, jack Canfield, he used it in his work as well, and so the idea is, you know, there are two ways of approaching a mirror. One is to look at the mirror and the other way is to look into the mirror. When you're looking at the mirror, you're shaving. When you're looking into the mirror, you're screening yourself. I call it preening or screening Like you're preening when you're shaving or you're screening when you're actually looking into the mirror, when you're looking into your own eyes and you're taking that deep, deep dive into your own soul.

Speaker 4: 37:48

And here's what you do with mirror therapy, guys. And it's going to look weird, it's going to feel weird, it's going to sound weird.

Speaker 2: 37:53

Mirror therapy. Is that what you call it, mirror therapy?

Speaker 4: 37:56

Mirror therapy, and you're going to want to do this when nobody else is home, probably because, it's going to be weird.

Speaker 4: 38:00

And a lot of people show up to the mirror. You know, when you start doing this, I'm not going to say A tear may not be shed or some of that old stuff we talked about isn't going to be. You know, it's kind of vomited up, if you will. But when you look into that mirror and you say to yourself you know what Mark, you know what Greg, you know what Clarissa, I really like the person that you are. I really really love you. I think you are extraordinary and you're really intelligent too.

Speaker 4: 38:31

I just want to let you know that I do forgive you for the time that you fill in the blank and I, right here, right now, give you permission to fill in the blank. Let me tell you something, guys. This is probably what, and I mean it. I mean it. If you start doing it, let me know in 21 days where your head is at, when you start being your own cheerleader, the rah-rah session that you are waiting for everybody else to give you. It's not going to happen. Nobody else is going to come home and tell you this. Nobody else is going to say this.

Speaker 4: 39:12

You might get a couple of compliments here from your work staff or from your mom or your girlfriend or what you know. But the real deep stuff that you only you know, that you're hiding and harboring, is the stuff that kind of nobody else knows. You know, there are a lot of things about us that we think on a daily. You know those daily demons I talk about in the book, the daily demons. Damn, if they don't come back almost on a daily basis for many people, cause they just want to bring you down and they are the negative naysayers and it's your job to go. Uh-uh, not today, satan, not today you know like it ain't that.

Speaker 4: 39:44

Now it's not going to happen on your watch anymore because you're doing the work and that mirror therapy stuff. Let me know if you do it. It's pretty intense.

Speaker 2: 39:56

Yeah, I can imagine.

Speaker 4: 39:58

What's the other C word, Greg?

Speaker 2: 40:01

Uh, it's commitment.

Speaker 4: 40:02

I found it, I love it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 40:05

So to recap, just to let you know it's commitment, focus, openness, respect and courage.

Speaker 4: 40:11

Love that.

Speaker 2: 40:13

So I'm glad that you love that. That we, that you are wrapping it up with saying that everyone should have values that they live by. That's one thing that Mark and I and I would say any good Agilist in the in their job would is trying to promote the values and the principles. That's the foundation, yeah, In my opinion, of when you go into Agil because we call it a transformation, right, Cause people are coming out of what's called waterfall, If you're familiar with that, which is a different way of delivering software. But but, um, some of the I've been in that, in those environments and some of the ways they treat each other is the opposite of what we've been talking about here. It's it's not lack of respect, it's, um, treating each other poorly. The water cooler, like you said, talking badly about Sally Q, and that's the. That's what I've experienced. We're trying to change that. So this works.

Speaker 2: 41:07

This works great with what you're talking about.

Speaker 4: 41:09

So we'd really be honored if, in the next meeting or one of the next meetings, you were to say listen, we interviewed this girl and lady and, apart from the five, you know this whole um girl girl girl and, apart from our five values guys, she asked me if I would share her for.

Speaker 2: 41:37

Yeah, hi, I like it.

Speaker 4: 41:38

Honesty, integrity, gratitude and honor, because she, you know, believes in taking the high road and come back with from that, from that meeting.

Speaker 2: 41:47

Okay, yeah, challenge accepted. Yes, very cool. So, yes, in, we're running short on time. Unfortunately it went by quickly. Um so, in wrapping up, in wrapping up, clarissa, a couple of things. What? What should the listeners take away from this conversation?

Speaker 4: 42:07

We hear a lot about I am enough, you are enough, we are enough, everybody's enough, I am enough. So I looked up the definition of enough and it is only as much as is required. So just by sheer definition, the word enough isn't enough. So here's my new mantra. I'll leave this with you Everybody write it down on a sticky note, put it on your mirror, put it in your work plan, your computer, around your workplace, wherever it is. Here it goes.

Speaker 2: 42:38

Okay.

Speaker 4: 42:39

I am so much more than enough, so much more than enough.

Speaker 2: 42:49

Kind of.

Speaker 4: 42:51

I love that. I just think that that is. You know, it's, it's, it's a sub, it goes back to you know, be careful what you tell your subconscious, because if I tell my subconscious I'm enough, well, guess what you're going to get? Only as much as you need, only as much as is required. Is there a requirement panel that tells me what enough is and what enough isn't? No, no, I, I define that.

Speaker 2: 43:14

Right, right.

Speaker 4: 43:15

I define that. That's really important, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:18

Yeah Well, thank you so much for your time. So, once again, the book is self esteem regime. It's in, you said Barnes, Noble right.

Speaker 4: 43:28

Noble. You can find it anywhere on Amazon and any country. It's also in Kindle and Audible version. So no excuses everybody. Yeah, Get a, get a copy, Start doing the work. I think that you're going to really enjoy the. You're going to enjoy the process.

Speaker 2: 43:44

It sounds great. So where can folks get ahold of you if they want to contact you, yep.

Speaker 4: 43:50

It's basically everywhere. I'm not on Snapchat, but everywhere else. Okay.

Speaker 2: 43:53

It's Clarissa Burt. You can find me at Clarissa.

Speaker 4: 43:58

Burt pretty much anywhere YNG anywhere Got it. Okay, talk yeah.

Speaker 2: 44:02

Yeah, yeah, tiktok. You said TikTok, right, is that what you said?

Speaker 4: 44:05

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 44:05

Are you on TikTok? Are you on TikTok?

Speaker 4: 44:07

I am on TikTok, we're just. You know, we're just now starting to get our content out on TikToks, okay, but I'm everywhere else for sure Instagram, LinkedIn, facebook. We're there, I'm there.

Speaker 2: 44:18

Great Got it.

Speaker 4: 44:19

All right. Well, once again, thank you.

Speaker 2: 44:22

Thank you so much and, once again, this is Greg and Mark, the Agile Within. You can reach us Again. We are on LinkedIn. We have email. You can email me, greg Miller, at theagilewithincom. We also have a page on LinkedIn, the Agile Within. Follow us there for updates All the cool things we're up to, and thanks a lot, everyone for listening and we'll see you next time.