Your Might Be a Bosshole® IF: You Use Sarcasm and Shaming as Management Techniques

Ever witnessed a manager publicly humiliate a colleague and felt that collective cringe spread through the room? The latest Bosshole® Chronicles episode tackles the destructive impact of sarcasm and public embarrassment in the workplace—common leadership behaviors that instantly qualify someone as a "Bosshole."

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Boss Hole Chronicles
• 1:03 Shaming Direct Reports: A Boss Hole Move
• 3:32 Understanding Sarcasm's Greek Roots
• 5:15 Words That Build Up, Not Tear Down
• 7:17 Seeking Feedback: The Leadership Solution
• 9:50 Episode Closing and Contact Information

Transcript

John Broer: 0:03

Welcome back to The Bossh ole Chronicles. Everybody out there in The Bossh ole Transformation Nation, you are here for another episode of you Might Be a Boss Hole If and I am joined by my dear friend and great business partner, Sara Best we're going to be talking about sarcasm and embarrassing your direct reports. These are not sound management techniques. Let's listen in. The Bossh ole Chronicles are brought to you by Real Good Ventures, the talent optimization firm helping organizations diagnose their most critical people and execution issues with world-class analytics. Make sure to check out all the resources in the show notes and be sure to follow us and share your feedback. Enjoy today's episode.

Sara Best: 0:52

Hey everybody, Welcome back to another episode of You Might Be a Bossh ole If and today, John, we have an interesting topic. Please share with us. What are we talking about today?

John Broer: 1:03

Yeah, I can't even believe this is something that happens, but it does. It's happened to me, it's happened to you. You might be a bosshole if you shame or embarrass your direct reports in front of other people.

Sara Best: 1:15

Yeah.

John Broer: 1:17

And I'm even going to throw in there managers or bossholes that think sarcasm is a proper communication medium.

Sara Best: 1:27

Yeah.

John Broer: 1:27

Quick example I witnessed this and I actually shared a short video of it last year or it might've been the year before that. It was in a meeting and we were in a weekly meeting and one of our team members messed something up. Something went wrong. Of our team members messed something up, something went wrong and the president of the company just absolutely berated him, shamed him in front of everybody else. It just broke his spirit. I mean, you could see it in his face. Everybody was very uncomfortable and it was a horrible situation.

John Broer: 1:58

And later that day, this same executive I happened to be in his office he said, yeah, I probably shouldn't have done that, should I? And I said, yeah, you're right, you shouldn't have. That was an inappropriate, bad timing, inappropriate time to. If you need to have a conversation like that, you do it in private. Yeah, interestingly enough, same guy, same guy.

John Broer: 2:20

We're at some dinner big, it was kind of like a recognition dinner. We, we all went off site, I mean, to a different city, to a resort which was really kind of cool. And we're at dinner and we're just sitting there and I I don't know made a comment and he made, directed at me, just a real sarcastic remark. Now I I've got pretty broad shoulders, I can take it, I it. It did. It just didn't really sting me at all. He thought it was hysterical, everybody else was feeling awkward and he later apologized to me. And I'm thinking to myself if you have to apologize for this kind of behavior, how are you not recognizing that you shouldn't be doing this? And I mean, it's total boss hole behavior and I don't know if they're thinking that it's funny but it doesn't work and it doesn't land the way you think it lands. And this is this is absolutely an indicator that you may be a boss hole and right in the boss hole zone.

Sara Best: 3:20

I would agree. I would speak from my own experience to, too, some dynamics that seem to play out in relationships I've had with colleagues and others. It's like a big brother, little sister thing. It's almost like a replication of crap you had to deal with when you were a kid.

John Broer: 3:41

Okay.

Sara Best: 3:42

It's demoralizing.

John Broer: 3:43

Yeah.

Sara Best: 3:45

Yeah, leaders and supervisors need to own the fact that it's never about what you intend. Oh, I didn't intend to make you feel uncomfortable, I didn't intend to hurt your feelings. It's how it's received and guess what? That's unarguable for them and you don't get to debate it or dismiss it. And I would also say, in all of our sessions we do with leadership teams, john, you and I both put forth some rules for the road, or we kind of create a full value contract with our teams as we work with them. One of the things we always include in there is no sarcasm.

Sara Best: 4:28

And of course, when we read that one together, everyone's like ha ha ha. And then they're like, oh God, you really mean that. So yeah, listen to the root word meaning of sarcasm. In Greek it's a verb Initially meant to tear flesh like a dog. It's developed into to bite one's lips in rage, to sneer. Other things are like a biting, taunt, a sneer, a jest, a mockery.

Sara Best: 4:57

So we can say there is nothing above the line about sarcasm, but that it is always inherently inclusive of a barb of some kind, some resentment or frustration internal to the person using that sarcasm. So it's a big thing that we need to take responsibility for as individuals. It's not just what we're saying, it's really the impact it has on the person and the persons. So another point, john, I wish to make is in our psychological safety scan which we use, it's called a fearless organization. Members who participate in that are asked about whether or not they feel included. It is exactly these kind of comments that make everyone feel not included or unsafe, like if you're going to say that to that person.

Sara Best: 5:49

What the heck are you going to say to me?

John Broer: 5:50

Right, follow me.

Sara Best: 5:52

Yeah.

John Broer: 5:52

Absolutely, and it comes down to something as simple as reminding. And since we're talking specifically to managers and supervisors, your words either build up or they tear down. Yeah, stop and think about what is about to come out of your mouth, and is it building up this individual or will it serve to diminish them, especially in front of other people? Right, and I don't want to mistake I don't want managers to mistake the fact that sometimes you have to have difficult conversations with individuals because they're doing something wrong, or perhaps they did something wrong. Wrong, but when it is phrased in the context of action versus an expectation, and you take the biting or the barbs out of it and not make it a personal attack, that's, I think, a reasonable kind of conversation, corrective action, constructive input to have with somebody. But everybody knows that individual.

John Broer: 6:50

Okay, you and I were just in a meeting where we went through the full value contract and you got to the no sarcasm and do you remember? They all looked at one person and he started laughing like that and it's like no, this is, this is real. And your words will either build up or tear down. And so I would encourage our managers ask yourself, you know, search your heart and think about how am I using my words and my communication with the people around me? And if in any way, you're tearing them down or diminishing them or reducing them in front of others, don't say it. There is no point.

Sara Best: 7:30

No, and I think in the world of leadership, we try to help leaders become more conscious of where they are above or below the line.

Sara Best: 7:40

That's all below the line that's preceded by fear, resentment, frustration, anger. Those are common and natural and normal emotions. We're going to be human, but leaders have a responsibility to manage that and articulate their thoughts and feelings in a way that raises others up. I think it was Shola Richards, John, who said when you walk in the room, does the energy build up and follow or does it get sucked out, Like, are people happy when you walk in the room or are they happy when you leave the room?

John Broer: 8:14

And it's a simple gauge, that is true, yeah.

Sara Best: 8:18

Yeah, Like oh God, here they come again. Watch out. I think that this is debatable and we often get a lot of pushback from our clients on that idea, but we'll stick to our guns on this on that idea, but we'll stick to our guns on this.

John Broer: 8:35

I'm going to reference things that you have often said, sarah, for managers or boss souls that are in this situation or that use this either intentionally or unintentionally, and it says more about them than anything else, but it really reflects that they are big on the outside but very, very small on the inside.

Sara Best: 8:50

Yeah, good point Big on the outside, but very, very small on the inside, yeah, good point. That's sad. It is sad, it's unnecessary.

John Broer: 8:55

Let me ask you a real quick question how can managers test this? I mean, it's one thing to try to self-evaluate, to check yourself, check your words, check your language. If you're worried about this, it wouldn't hurt a manager to seek feedback from others.

Sara Best: 9:10

Amen, yeah, every manager that listens to our podcast. If you haven't gotten this message already, you get it today that you should, on a regular basis, go to your people and say how am I doing for you, what do you need more of or less of from me? It's so simple and you can really help coach and train people how to give you that honest feedback. But then you got to believe them, you got to listen to them.

John Broer: 9:37

And what do we say when that feedback comes through, whether we like it or not? Thank you, that's right, and shut the hell up.

Sara Best: 9:46

Right, all right. Well, that was a fun one, john Thanks for that today.

John Broer: 9:49

Thanks, sarah, it was a good one.

Sara Best: 9:51

Yep, we'll see you next time.

John Broer: 9:57

Thanks very much for checking out this episode of the Boss Hole Chronicles. It was so good to have you here, and if you have your own boss hole story that you want to share with the Boss Hole Transformation Nation, just reach out. You can email us at mystoryatthebossholechroniclescom. Again, mystoryatthebossholechroniclescom, we'll see you next time.