Real Support

 In this episode, we explore what real support from a dad truly looks like. It's more than paying bills or offering advice. It's about listening without judgment, standing firm during difficult seasons, encouraging dreams when others see limitations, and becoming the safe place a daughter can always return to. 

 Join us as we uncover how a father's love can shape a daughter's identity, influence her future relationships, and leave a legacy that echoes for generations. This isn't just another parenting discussion—it's a heartfelt reminder that one father's unwavering support has the power to change the course of a daughter's life forever. 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Yeah. All right. Today we have Mr. Mohammed, who is going to share with us some nuggets in regards to parenting. Mr. Mohammed, what did you say before? You said something about faith, or I know we talked about this the other day. But share that with me one more time. Being strong through your faith, or I don't look at you, you like me, man. I forgot. I know we both uh one thing to just put some clarity for our listeners is the fact that and I'm not that guy that's going to be so religious in my own religious faith that I won't pull in others to share in their spiritual beliefs on how they're parenting. So that's what we're going to be looking at today. Uh, Mr. Muhammad is a uh very dedicated, and correct me if I'm wrong in anything, Mr. Muhammad, very dedicated and uh focused Muslim. And I I really like how he is raising his daughter. Um, so I really thought it was very would be very interesting to see the similarities here for faith believers on regardless to what you believe in. This faith component is so crucial towards the challenges that we're facing. So, Mr. Mohammed, just tell us a little bit about yourself. Um, you don't have to go into me and you, but just you. We want to hear what you um, yourself, man. Tell the listeners, you got listeners all around the world anxious to hear you.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Um, Saul Lacum, peace be upon everyone that's uh listening. Glad to be here. Um it's uh consider it to be a great honor, you know, somebody like myself, uh that someone would want to hear my story and my truth in real time. So I'm honored to be here. Um so basically, you know, I'm just the average uh male man, Muslim man, father, uh who's you know, finding ways to evolve constantly and to uh constantly be an inspiration for other people, um and at the same time uh uh uh you know just trending myself, better in myself. And faith was one of the things when I was coming up, uh, that we was taught to rely on, you know, belief in God, but not just belief in God, but also developing a good character, uh developing a good mind state, being a humanitarian, you know, and uh relying on, you know, the creator to help and aid and assist us, you know, in our time of need. And uh there's one verse in the Quran that says, you know, God does not change the condition of a people until they change that within themselves first. And so that was big for me coming up, and that's one of the things that I apply in my life today. Um, that in order for us to really get to the objective of where we need to be on a righteous spiritual level, on a humanitarian level, is first uh look within ourselves and see the imperfections in ourselves and also to want to get better, you know. We can't help other people if we ourselves uh are in need of help, you know. And this is one of the concepts, you know, when they tell you, you know, for anybody ever flown on an airplane in a case of emergency, the oxygen mask will deploy from the ceiling. And they say you put the oxygen mask on you, but and they also tell you uh before you uh help somebody else, make sure that you secure the mask on yourself first. And this will enable you to help somebody else. So that's just basically my life, you know, uh being groundrooted in my faith, which has changed me tremendously from who I was, you know, 30 years ago and to where I'm at now.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

You know. Well, those are some key uh takeaways from nuggets I'm gonna just reflect on real quick. You had mentioned about finding ways to evolve. That's powerful. Um, to rely on your faith. Uh, that's probably what we would name it, relying on your faith. Um, the objective of being a humanity, good humanitarian, to look within yourselves. I love that look within yourselves because I think that a lot of people get into all kinds of arguments, debates, and fights. And uh I think this is what made me and you kind of like connect because uh just looking within myself and just being okay with who I was helped me to be able to accept you as for who you are. I mean, we're growing, we're developing. And I always say that the spirit of truth will lead and guide you into all understanding. So who am I to try and do God's job? But the main part back to what we were saying about looking within, because I think as you you are on the, as we're on this dad support uh podcast, I think that's what one of the biggest challenges is for dads is to look within themselves, find that resolve for themselves, and do like you said, you help yourself when you do this, and then you become grounded in your faith. Love it. Um, and then you mentioned the fact of growing up and changing because of your faith. So I think, like I say, is the theme is really centered tonight on pretty much relying on this faith. And we'll pull some more uh things from that, because one of the things that, like I guess, all dads, is the challenge to be okay, and this is where uh because you have grown children too, right? Yes. Okay, so being okay with the decisions that they're making, and then you're so blessed and fortunate to have a young lady that's about sixth grade, so you on both spectrums here. So I and you from what you stated, your faith is helping you through it. But and then I'm not no butts to it, I I just really like it. The question is, how is it that is teaching you and what tips that you might, that's the better word for it. What tips can you give the listeners? So as we are uh producing this, what tips can you give the listeners to like you already said, I love that one when you say go with them. So once they go with them, what is it something that they can discover within themselves that can help them be a better dad? Since we're dealing with dads tonight.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

I think uh being accountable, okay, accountability and humbleness, um, which leads to uh being in a state of gratitude as well. Um and you and you find a lot of times that when people have challenges in life um and it involves other people or maybe a job or something of that nature, um, you know, one of the things that some people do is they point out the deficiencies or they point out the issues with uh their surroundings or people in their life. But, you know, we never look to ourselves to see what is it that we are doing or what are we not doing that's causing our environment, that's causing our relationships uh with loved ones or family or friends or just the average person who you meet on the street, what you know, what is causing those issues? What are we doing, you know? And a lot of times people don't look within themselves. Um and it's just like, you know, um there's some characters about yourself that you don't see, but other people see it. You know what I'm saying? And I think that just, you know, looking at the quality of yourself and your decision making, um, you know, and and and expounding on, you know, how can you change a situation or circumstance or how can you uh elevate to the next level and transition from your challenges or your imperfections or your complexities into something that's consistent um and righteous, you know what I'm saying? And that's especially dealing with you know our children, you know. Um you know what I'm saying, dealing with our children. Um because we at the end of the day, um being a parent, there's no booklet for it. You know what I'm saying? You know, you you you you can't you can Google all day, but there's nothing that that you can go to to teach you how to be with be a parent or how to deal with raising children and and you know, and all those things that come with it. So, you know, it's a growing process, but first we have to recognize what is right, what is wrong, what am I doing that's working, what am I not doing that's that's not working, and how can I be more consistent and doing the right thing, making better decisions, especially when it comes to our young people. And and we must, and I and I and I stress this so much, we must be the best example for our children. And I say that um because the the result of the children or the outcome of the children, those who are dealing with certain uh behavior issues, um, or those who are dealing with some sort of challenges mentally or even spiritually, you know, we have to look at how we're presenting ourselves to our children. So we're having our children in an environment that's not conducive to their development or or their growth, then we can expect them to have challenges when they reach into society. You know, if we put our children in hostile environments, if we ourselves are hostile, then we expect our children to be hostile. Our children need to see the best, purest form from us, you know what I'm saying, in order for them to be successful. So if we want our daughters to be wives, men, dads, fathers, then you have to marry a woman. You should be married to their mom. So not so once again, remember it goes back to what we do is a teacher for ourselves and for others. See what I'm saying? So now, as a married man, now you're showing your son this is the proper way to be with a woman. It's it's godly, it's the right thing to do. You know what I'm saying? If you want to be with a woman sexually, then the men, you have to be married to the women. Women, you have to be married to the men. If you want to have children, it's best to have children in wedlock and not and not out of wedlock because there's so many things that come with having children and you're not married. You know what I'm saying? How to respect your uh how uh to respect a woman, men, you know what I'm saying? How to respect a woman. So your daughter, she knows what to look for in a man. And they normally say that you always should choose um who choose a man or choose a woman according to the caliber of parrot that you had, you know what I'm saying? So it's a whole lot of things that is not being done today that should be done, um, that is affecting us as uh individuals and as a collective as well.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

Yeah, yeah. And then of course, I'm I'm gonna play the devil's advocate and I'm not gonna play alone because I agree 100% with what you're saying, but I'm just gonna come from the perspective and just for a small brief of time, you know, to kind of like make sure always say that when we're hitting hard truths here, that somebody don't cut it off because there's various things that have caused people to have children. The uh fleeing moment, you know, you get caught up in the moment, you know, you got a lot of, you know, uh women looking a certain way, not that you should touch a woman regardless of what she looks like, but a lot of games are played. But I really like how you were defining it as you should be concentrating on you. That's number one. And I think that that hits a home right there. Because what you stated in regards to sexual relations, in regards to marrying someone, I'm in agreement with all of that. However, we live in a world, it's a world uh with all kinds of challenges and then results that come from those challenges, like you said, uh, that make the world what it is. And I just think that for dads that's probably even caught up in something of that caliber, just picking up where Mr. Mohammed is saying right now, picking up from, okay, you learn from your mistakes. Now you should be there for your daughter to even talk her through it. You know, you should be able to say, hey, I made these mistakes, like you were saying, accountable. You know, you're not arguing with the child, you're not, well, you know, because the child will throw it in your face, well, look at you. Yeah, look at me. Look at me, look at where I'm at, and look at what I got. And it's and I think, man, you you you hit it so on the head with being honest. If you screwed up, you meshed your pants, you just did it. Now just straighten yourself up, you know, get yourself up and do what you need to do. And I think that even hearing information like this on a supporting uh level, an empowerment level, is empowered is impactful too, because sometimes we are living in a preferred reality instead of actual reality, which is denial. So you're you're right on the head. Um people just don't like, I'm just saying they just don't like hearing it from guards from a Muslim, from a Christian, from a Buddhist, from whatever you believe in, to hold down any type of, you know, okay, like you're saying, that's accountability right there. Your faith is your accountability. Yeah. And your faith helps you to dominate these things that, like you stated, all of that is designed, you know, we have in a good book, Bible, and uh Genesis 1 and 28, where it talks about how the creator made us to, you know, have dominion. So you should be able to exercise your faith to a point where you're exercising the discipline. Your child is seeing that, your child is hearing that. And you're absolutely correct when you're saying uh about Google. Now it's I uh what is IA or AI? AI Chat GPT. You know, you can't go on there, hey Google, hey Alexis, how do I raise my child? You know, it's different. And one of the things I'm seeing as a 20-year educator is that every year is it's different. Every year you get a different June bug. You know, you get a different Ray Ray. So how do we make those adjustments? And that's another thing, parents, if you're listening, you really actually listening to a dad, like you said, you have a seventh grader, and then you have a couple older children, right? Yeah. So you have a couple older children, and they're all in different spectrums, I'm sure, right? Yes. So one of the things Mr. Muhammad is saying is accountable. We should be accountable, we should be humble in a state of gratitude. I think that gratitude is just finding, being grateful that the creator found you worthy to be able to raise a little person or raise an adult, or help an adult uh become a better adult, especially at this time. I have grown children myself. Um helping that child to look at and think about what you have instilled within them. This is a now for an adult dad, um, it's not too late to just say, hey, I might have not been there when you was little, be patient, because they might tell you where to go with yourself. Um, but you you gotta be patient. And then as Mr. Muhammad stated, and that's that's a forte of mine, concentrating, commit, and being consistent, he hit it right on the head. You being consistent with the fact that the creator has blessed you, blessed you to be able to shape another generation. Yes. And I think that if we focus on that, that can keep us kind of grounded. Um then I I want to help people understand about right and wrong. Because that's a debate. We all know it's a debate, a big one, but it's it's just a math equation. If you look at right and wrong from a math equation, I think it'll help out with our growth and development. Um anything that's negative, subtract. And we can fill in the blank of subtraction there. Anything that adds, we should be looked at as positive. So if it's adding, that's positive. If it's subtracting, it's negative. And to help, let's add some adjectives to positive. If it's adding to our joy, if it's adding to our peace, if it's adding to our sanity, we should be chasing that. Because sometimes people will make it complicated. Let's just simplify it. If it's adding to our peace, if it's adding to our joy, if it's adding to our sanity, then we should be chasing that. Hey, man, I'm saying, okay. If it's adding to it, you got solutions out there that's focused or centered around that, I think that's awesome. And then if it's negative and it's subtracting from that, got you drinking where you ain't thinking, man, leave it alone. If it got you where you gotta constantly try and defend yourself and you know that you're not the uh, you being, you know, we had a Bible class on self-sabotage. People self-sap, you know, you're self-sabotaging yourself. You got uh one day I'm gonna go over some notes. But all of this drama. If it's adding the drama, so somebody said, well, add and subtract. Well, if it's adding drama in your life, now you need to subtract it out of your life. Because Mr. Muhammad could tell you, and you know he's dealing with some hard uh situations when we continue to pray for him. But if it's adding to your life and it's all that drama, Mr. Muhammad, you can tell the listeners is that gonna add to your health condition or subtract from your life?

SPEAKER_00 19:32

It's it's it's it's yeah, it's funny that you said that because it depends on what it is, and I'm and I and and let me let me break it down because um people have to understand and they have to know what's right and what's wrong. And I think that in certain cases, people can't differentiate what's right and what's wrong, because something wrong may appear to be right to them, and something right may appear to be wrong. And this is the type of society that we're living in. Um, if you look at some of the bases of a uh uh, let's just say a household um where there's there's no God consciousness, there's no prayer, um, there's a lot of drinking, drugs, a lot of verbal physical abuse, um you know, where there's just dysfunction in the home, you know what I'm saying? To some people that's normal. To some people that's normal, and they don't have an understanding of what abnormal is what is abnormal and what is what is normal. So, you know, when you what and I always go back to the exposure that you give to your family, and we're gonna look at the accountability of the men first and foremost, because God has put us here to be protectors, providers, and leaders. You know what I'm saying? Um and so our men have to understand that you you have to be uh a person that's standing on something, you know what I'm saying? You have to play a role. Um we as you know, we have to find ways to protect our homes, we have to find ways to teach. And but that goes through example. Anyone can talk about what somebody should do, who they should worship, what religion to follow, or what should they not do. But if you're not giving a prime example, if you're not living the life, you know what I'm saying, then words, your words mean nothing. You know what I mean? So uh a man should know what his responsibility is as a man, as a father, as a husband, you know, as a brother, as an uncle, as a son, you know what I mean? And and and we are like the really the foundation of the family. Um Um, and you know, it took, you know, the white supremacy of this country to know that if we remove the man from his position as um as a leader, you know, I'm saying as a protector, as a provider, then we could control his women and his children. You see what I'm saying? So, first men, I, you know, I I make this statement that men have to step up and be men, be and not just be men, but be righteous men. You know, learn how to treat your your women, learn how to treat, you know, your your uh your children right. You know what I'm saying? Learn how to be productive men in society, because we don't, you know, we don't have communities, unfortunately, as black people. We have black neighborhoods, but we don't have communities. So what does communities consist of? It consist of families, right? Families make community. Now, what is community? Community is where the people who are in that uh in that region, they control their their education, they control their finances, they control their health care, they you know what I'm saying, they control um the very aspect of their everyday life, you know what I'm saying? And we just and I'ma just be honest, you know, we have to get away from the the partying, we have to get away from the the genocide because when you look on social media, right, all you see on social media and on all platforms is black people fighting each other or killing each other, you and you see black women uh exposing themselves, twerking, loud, cussing, fighting. This is what they're projecting of us. And when you expose someone to something for so long, they adapt to it and it becomes a part of their nature. You know what I'm saying? And it's unfortunate that this is what we see, you know, on on social media, or this is what's projected of us as being people uh who are self-destructive, who are subhuman, you know, who uh uh uh who doesn't take control of their lives, who constantly getting arrested, uh black men is is deadbeat fathers. Um we are uh uh criminals. Uh we are we are uh uh um we don't respect our women. You know, it's so many things that's over our heads and that that depicts us as a pe as a as a as a man who is not a man and who's incapable of his own self-control and and uh incapable of being there for his family. We have to change that narrative as black men, you know what I'm saying? And I truly believe that, you know. So this is where I'm I'm I'm coming from. And I and I just like to be direct because nobody likes to talk about it. You know what I mean? It it makes me sick to my stomach that every time, you know, I see something about us as men, it's always negative, it's always bad. And we are giving them the fuel to do that.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

And and and you know what, and we appreciate that. We appreciate a voice like yours. That's why you were invited on to kind of change that narrative. And you said something so positive, you know, so powerful and impactful, and we just pray that people will be able to unpack it and take it with them because you said a lot about the negative and trying to understand the, and see, this is another challenge, and I can tell you from an educator perspective that when you're in educational settings, like you're saying, not only are you you're hearing and you're expressing from what you're witnessing, and we all have witnessed, we always witnessed it, but what's reinforced. See, there's reinforced behavior that occurs, unfortunately, in the schools. They basically everything you're saying, and when you don't understand, and that's one reason why I would say that men challenge yourself to be able to unpack stuff like this. Be able to hear and not just, oh yeah, they just saying something or whatever. No. What truth is in this? And see, this is where you're able, and that's one reason why I, and all of that you're stating, and I hear you, some people in maladaptive homes, they they think that partying and uh spending my rent money and constantly begging to sleep on somebody's couch and having a beautiful car and no place to stay, all this foolish behavior, instead of when will I mature? When will I grow up? Like I challenge my sixth graders, I challenge my sixth graders to say to them, you know, when are you going to grow up? When are you going to hold yourself responsible for the things that's responsible for taking you down? So in your transparency and in your directness, I hope that a person can walk away from this and say, hey, you know what? I'm gonna start looking at what adding back to the uh peace, the joy, the happiness. Because you can be happy drinking. You can. What is it peaceful in the sense that what comes afterwards? See, that's where I hope I can challenge people to think, what comes after that? Are you broke? Are you hurt? Are you in the hospital? Are you in some treatment facility where they're making boo-hoo amount of money to kind of detox you? So how is that peaceful? You know, you drink, you take a drink. You know what I'm saying? You take a sniff or you get the latest person that had some type body fitting, and now all of a sudden you you broke, you got a disease. How is that adding anything? And these are things that you gotta challenge yourself because yes, you're absolutely right. You got wrong saying it's right, and right to saying it's wrong. Just look at this president. Oh, I wasn't supposed to say that on the air. But you gotta look at this stuff and ask yourself, is this really, and that's where I appreciate someone like yourself, Mr. Mohammed. I'm I'm spiritual mature enough to say, hey, let's put thinking heads together. You don't have to be a part of my affiliation because that's gangbanging right there. You a Muslim, I'm a Christian. We might as well start throwing up pitchforks and fives and all of that other stuff. You know, throw the cross up, throw it down. Man, we gotta get that out of our mind. Yeah. God bless you, may the heaven smile on you, may God show you an all-saw the right way. But at this time, we got a dilemma, we got a pandemic that's at a ridiculous level, and you said it so perfectly. And I'm gonna challenge people, in the words of Mr. Muhammad here, that let's look at what is it adding or subtracting from our community? And one of the things that he said is that we have control. We have control of our everyday life. Of course, we know what that life looks like. Do you have control of that? If you don't have control of that, then now is time to look at this addition and subtraction, it's righteous and unrighteous, and fall in line with where we both, me and him is coming from and challenge your faith. Challenge what you are putting confidence in, because that is faith. And you and here, even the good book says that faith without, you know, you can't hear, you know, uh unless you have somebody to trigger that hearing. Now it's time to question do you want to remain the same or do you want to change? And Mr. Muhammad said it perfectly when he mentioned the fact of modeling. Our children are seeing us. How are they seeing us? How are they viewing us? Is it some ridiculous cycle or is it some productive cycle? Can we do we have enough? Now you're talking about controlling our environment, controlling our community. Do we have enough to add to the community or subtract from the community? That's another thing. It's just simple addition and subtraction. We know it's very directive. We know it came straightforward. That's good. We need to hear that. So sometimes somebody like myself says, hey, man, just think of it simple. Somebody might be like, wait a minute, man. You know, I need to hear, I need to hear a little bit more meat to the matter. So there you go. You got the meat to the matter, but I'm gonna say it again in a simplified version, because trust me, you guys are about to experience a generation of children that refuse to read. They refuse to read, they refuse to comprehend. So what we're saying from a from a very high intellectual level need, unfortunately, and I hope I'm saying it correctly, need to be dummified down. Yeah. It does, because they're not reading, they're not comprehending, they have they're clueless until they get smacked upside their head, until they are somewhere hurt, hopping, barely moving. Now they realize this, and we're trying our best. And I'm saying this, Dads, please make sure you get to them before the police officer does. Please make sure you get to them before the pimp does. Please make sure you get to them for anybody else. And that's what my plea is. And Mr. Mahana, you check out uh some of the materials that's out there. I even mentioned often uh in another environment, another setting. I say, I'm gonna start having a help warning sign up. Daz, help us to get this together. Help us to make this world a better place where our children are safe. One time I have to step in front of a saw-off shotgun so they wouldn't get my child.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

My children saw that.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Not saw me running down the street like, hey man, y'all better learn how to run. No, men, it's time to run into the responsibility and not away from it. So we're gonna tell Mr. Muhammad thank you. Um, and we appreciate you. And hopefully you can listen in. And as you listen in, tell a friend, tell a neighbor, uh, tell a brother, tell a mentor that we're here, we're here to support, we're here to discuss those hard issues. Yeah, we're coming across some barriers. It doesn't matter, black, white, Chinese, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist. I just feel like it's time to make a difference in this community. Um, and we'll just move from there and say to Mr. Muhammad, thank you so much. And we're in this recording, and we're going to see everybody on next and the family. What did you say? Go ahead. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

Thank you for having me. No problem, man. No problem. I appreciate you know being able to dialogue. And we need more platforms like this. Um, because regardless of what um the media shows and what the society say or statistics, there is good fathers out here who sacrificing every day. They sacrifice their bodies, their minds, their monies, their resources, you know, just to make sure that their children, you know, have the best possible positive life that they can have. You know what I'm saying? It's a lot of good, great dads out here. And I just and I just want to commend all of those fathers who are in their children's life, um, who have to deal with the adversities of being a father. Um, where you know, some when you want to be a father, and and it's being difficult for you to be a father because of the circumstances, you know what I'm saying? And you're still fighting for your children, and you're still you're still relevant, you're still there, you you know, you're doing everything you can. I commend all of you, man, because it's we're needed. The dad, good, good dads are are very, very needed. Um, and so yeah, I just want to take my hats off to all the fathers out there who's really doing the best they can to be a part of their children's life in a positive, godly way.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Yeah, and we want to take our hat off to you, Mr. Mommy, because that's exactly what you're mirroring uh in your statements, because you mentioned it earlier in regards to the modeling piece, the the piece in which you reflect, and that's what you're doing out of your heart, you know, heart to heart. You you you're really doing it, man. You're doing it. And I appreciate being able to know someone like yourself, and it pretty much proved to the statistics that a lot of people don't know. This is gonna really blow your mind because we had someone on uh the podcast uh earlier uh last year or last year, um, a few episodes where we had an educator on there, and I was like, wow, I didn't even know this. That African American dads are more involved in their children's life than any other race. Now, I'm like, wow, and I heard it on more than one occasion. I'm gonna verify it, make sure that we be able to, and I want I'm challenging the listeners to look at that. Because, like Mr. Muhammad said, we're talked about, we're ostracized, we're all kind of stuff, man. We ain't this, we ain't that. But one of the things that statistics are saying, we're not those individuals that are not being an active part of our children's lives. So I want to commend all the ones that, like he stated, great job, keep up the good work, um, end on a short prayer, and then we're going to enjoy the rest of our night with our children. I'm about to go pray. So, yeah. So, Lord, we thank you. Thank you for Mr. Mohammed. Thank you for this opportunity, and we'll bless you and praise you for it. Jesus' name. Amen. All right, Mr. Muhammad. See you on the next go round. All right. All right, man.