Drink Like a Lady Podcast

How to be Fearless in Business with Bisi MacGregor

June 27, 2022 Joya Dass/Bisi MacGregor
Drink Like a Lady Podcast
How to be Fearless in Business with Bisi MacGregor
Show Notes Transcript

Many of us are accomplished but despite all of our successes we are still held back by the fear of truly going after what we want. Fear is often something that keeps us in our comfort zones and struggling
with achieving our goals. But imagine a life where fear does not dictate your lives and steal your power.

In this workshop you will learn:
- How to identify, expose, and shatter your fear
- How to build confidence in the face of fear
- 3 steps to break out of the fear cycle
- How to accelerate your journey from fear to success

Bio:
Bisi is an expert in mastering and transcending internal fears, an Award-Winning International Speaker, TEDx Speaker and results focused facilitator with a Corporate Finance career of over two decades. Bisi overcame the challenges, demands, and politics of Corporate and answered the calling of her soul.
She is the Founder of Fear2Freedom whose focus audience is executives, high level professionals, business owners and companies. She delivers coaching, training and speaking services using her proprietary Live More Fear Less™ methodology to disrupt the status quo of their mindset so they can discover their own unique fearless formula for success. She is based in Georgia, US and works with clients internationally.

Bisi works with individuals to disrupt the status quo of their mindset so they discover and reconnect to the powerful parts of themselves that have been buried or lost.

Joya:

All right. It is 12 o'clock. And I am joined with esteemed company today. My friend and colleague Bisi McGregor, who is a fearless business coach, a fearless business coach. I'm gonna let that land for a little bit. What does that mean, Bisi? Because you had a storied career in finance. Why the pivot.

Bisi:

Ooh, I love that. Hey Joya. For starters, thank you for having me on here. I love that, why the pivot? And a lot of times I ask people when people ask me, how did you get into this? I say, how did it get into me really? And I believe coaching has been a part of my life for a long time, but I never had a name for it. So even in my over two decades career in corporate finance, I coached a lot. I coached a lot of my teams. I coached up coached sideways, all of that. And then life happened to me or for me. In retrospect, I think about it as for me. And it just came to a head where I came to the decision of where do I wanna, where do I wanna go next? What do I wanna do? Do I wanna continue in this career? I had served it, it had served me for over 20 years and then I wanted to do something more. Which was really working more with more humans, more women to stretch themselves in ways where they could touch possibilities. And one of the things I found that they needed to cross or I needed to cross was fear. I often say the gateway to our freedom is fear. Fear is that gateway we must pass through.

Joya:

So paint the picture for me. You're in finance. You wanna paint this picture of possibility for the women you're coaching, but how does fear very specifically keep someone from point A to getting to point B?

Bisi:

I love it. I love that. So let's, let me take you back to New York city on the 30th floor and Hudson arts. I'm in there in a conference room with powerful leaders in organization. We are rehashing unfortunately the same issue. It's probably like the third hour. Over and over, this was supposed to be a 60 minute maiden, and those of you incorporate aria know about this. Where it was 60 minutes supposed to be over and two and a half hours later, you are still there. And it was the same thing. And I remember having this presence on the inside of me that thought I'm done with this. I no longer want this. I could feel this thing on the inside of me that says there's something more, there's something different. And then this other part of me saying. But wait, you can't leave. If you leave and go and start something else, you'd be starting from the bottom. Nobody would know you, you have already established something here. People know you here, you know your work there. You can't start over. So fear can look that way you can't start over. Do you even have the tools? You're trying to go into something that you've never done before. Are you sure you can succeed? What if you succeed? What if many more people want more of you, then what? What happens when you fall on your face and you have to get up and face the crowd? What are you gonna do? And that played for me for a number of years before I put a stake in the ground and said, you know what? I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do this.

Joya:

But bridge the gap for me. So what I'm hearing you say is that all the stories you were telling yourself translate into the fear right? All that, all those scripts that are bubbling up. What if I fail? What if no one knows me. I'm starting from the bottom. Those are stories you're telling yourself clearly you've crossed with the bridge, but how did you connect to the possibility and overcome your fear?

Bisi:

So here's again, back to another story. So it came to a point where I was in my life where I'm trying to figure out what do I wanna do with my career? And in my personal life, my marriage was dwindling. Marriage was dwindling. So both personal and professional life are at a head. And I remember, I thought to myself, "I need some time to go hear my own thoughts." Cuz I felt like I couldn't hear me. I cannot hear me. Where do I need to go? What is going on in my back is against the wall. And I took a trip, a road trip to Massachusetts to yoga meditation center, just to go have some time to hear myself. And I remember I never forget on the way, third hour until my drive I'm on there. And something says, "you know, you can turn back." Because there's nobody there. You don't know anyone there. This is way too risky. It is way too risky, you know? And it's still the same thing. It's this fear it's too risky for you to go out there. You're not protected. You're not safe, but I pushed through. And when I got there, I decided to sign up for a program for that weekend and the week and the program. Live your life, your soul was intended. And I could have sworn it said busy live your life that your soul was intended. It was definitely for me. And I walked into that and I listened to this lady just mentor to the women that were in the group and my soul recognized her. And it just said to me, that is it. She is the founder of the fearless living institute. And that's where I enrolled and got certified. Essentially went back to school for a year to get tr trained as a certified fearless living coach and trainer.

Joya:

All right. So we're gonna share that methodology now, right? The three steps essentially to break out of fear. But before we go there, when you're coaching a lot of women today, you're on the front lines, what would you say is the top most fear women professionals have today?

Bisi:

Yeah. So there are a couple and one, one big one is they do not feel safe to be seen. And seen could be also their voice. I don't know if my voice is right. If it would be acceptable, should I, should I not? So they straddle this fence of, I have a strong voice. I know it, but is it good enough? How about I reel it back. Let me refine it first. Before I put it out there.

Joya:

So they're seeking permission?

Bisi:

Seeking permission, huge.

Joya:

Folks. If you are listening, I encourage you to write your questions in the comment section. Bisi and I are gonna run through the framework and then she's gonna take your questions. This interview is really for you. So please start to populate the comment section and we're gonna get to your questions. So women are seeking permission, Bisi to be able to be seen and be heard.

Bisi:

Yes.

Joya:

And is the framework we're gonna share right now going to help bridge some of that gap?

Bisi:

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I would love to share this with you, Joya. I was born in the United States. And to an immigrant family, Nigerian. And I went back to Nigeria between the ages of four and 16. I lived in Nigeria to the ages of four and 16. So I have a very strong cultural background. And for those that share that kind of, that, that kind of background, you know, it's very permission based. There is this, "this is the witness. This is what you do at 18. This is what you do at 22. This is what you're supposed to do at 40." If you're not in alignment with that, something feels off. Even if you're not Chas died, something feels off because that is how you are brought up. So for the longest time within me, I think my journey was seeking this permission. Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Should I? And when?

Joya:

Mm. So our conditioning plays a piece in why fear trumps a lot of action. And I know that I come from an Asian culture where we are raised to be very deferential. And if we're not, if we have our own mind, especially as a girl and our own voice, it's seen as rebellious. And our likability is always until we enter the workforce been our superpower. And now all of a sudden we've gotta be liked in a different way. So let's get to the first one. Awareness. What does this mean when you're trying to break out of the fear cycle?

Bisi:

Hmm. This is the biggest piece for me. And it's the one thing that really it's a turnkey of everything because without awareness, you have no idea. I truly believe there are more people walking asleep than are awake. What do I mean by that? One of the statistics that I came upon in my journey was a research study that speaks to 75% of our decisions are rooted in fear. Most of the time we're saying yes to a thing we wanna say no to and no to a thing we wanna say yes to. And then the next day we say, "you know what, I'm not gonna do this." We go to bed, we've done it again. Because our brain is wired that way to just pick up what we have done when it looks similar. This is the answer. So what we are called to do is to dial up our level of awareness. How do we make decisions? Pausing in between our decisions, giving ourselves time to say, "is this what I want? Is this fear or freedom? Am I making a decision or is it my fear?" And then you have even in awareness as well, you have this space where some people are not wanting to make the decision, because what if it doesn't work?

Joya:

So to reflect back, though, what you're really advocating there is not only checking what's going on the subconscious. And we know that 95% of what we're doing is on autopilot, cuz our subconscious is driving that and that was imprinted when we were seven, 10 years old and we haven't stopped to check. But we also have to build in time in our schedules. Maybe not go to that extra baseball game. Maybe not go out for that extra drink with your friends and build in time to reflect cuz otherwise the awareness bubble just isn't gonna be able to come up to the surface.

Bisi:

Absolutely. Absolutely. That time is so crucial that pause. And even in that pause, our fear said, you should be answering the question right now. You should go right now. And it's such a gift to give ourselves just insert pauses, insert pauses. It is such a powerful practice, and there's clarity in the pause. There's permission in the pause for what it is that you want. Because otherwise what happens is when you give that over to fear, fear would have you either constricted you get smaller. It would have you condemning other people you're blaming everybody else for what's going on, or it will have you conforming because it says it's too risky for you to stand out. So awareness is how do I make decisions? Do I even make decision decisions? Not giving myself an out. Am I clear about what I want? because I truly believe also in the decision making, when you make a decision is when you have created the thing.

Joya:

And you articulated out loud.

Bisi:

You articulated out loud. Exactly. Which is yet another step, right? That fear says, wait, okay I know this is where you wanna create inside of you, but don't say it out loud to people.

Joya:

One of the ways that I reflect every Sunday, which is when I do my strategic thinking, I look at the week that's passed. I look at the week that's coming up and I ask myself three important questions to your point about awareness. Where am I? Where do I wanna be and what needs to change? So I did this exercise two weekends ago, and one of the things that came up is that I really need more pockets of time to do deep work. Because I am fearful that I have this vision for my business and I don't have the bandwidth to achieve it. And the only way it's gonna happen is that I gotta start saying no to stuff. I've gotta turn off the notifications. I've gotta put on my autoresponder and say, "I will get back to you tomorrow because I'm working on an important project." But if I hadn't taken time to take stock and ask that all important question, what needs to change? I don't know if I would've arrived at that conclusion.

Bisi:

Yeah. So right. And most people don't. One of the big things that has changed for me with navigating, moving from corporate to entrepreneurship has been me just having this vast amount of time space that I gift to myself. Before I got on the call, I've gone out for a walk in the park. A lot of times I'd go sit by the lake or walk by the lake just to be in the presence of nature and to hear myself. And what happens in those pockets of spaces is trumps sometimes what I could do in five hours, just titering away at my computer. Because the one insight that you are looking for all of a sudden drops in the silence. Yeah, so beautiful.

Joya:

This morning, I was on a call with one of my members and right before we moved to the next piece. She's like, "I procrastinate by gardening." And we were like, well, why poo poo that because you are giving your brain a break and sometimes your best ideas are bubbling up while that part of your brain that's doing the deep thinking gets a little bit of rest.

Bisi:

Mm-hmm absolutely. Absolutely. I do a lot of play with my niece and nephew.

Joya:

Yes. I see that on facebook.

Bisi:

Yes I do. It's it's necessary for me. It's one of the things that fuels me. Not only me, my heart, but it fuels my business.

Joya:

And we forget to play. So folks who are just joining us, Bisi McGregor is a fearless coach. We are talking about this in the context of business, and we're talking about her framework for breaking outta the fear cycle. And step one is to build awareness. If you aren't aware of what you're recovering from, you can't recover. And the next step is awaken Bisi. What does that mean? Awaken?

Bisi:

Mm, I love this bit because something, I believe something begins to happen when you become aware that, okay. I could make that decision. Out of freedom. Something begins to get clear on the inside of you. Something begins to bubble up in the surface that I am capable. I can do this. You know, and here's my belief. Everything you need to get you to your next level to achieve that audacious goal, to stand up for yourself, to hear the strength of your voice has already been inside of you. It simply needs to be aware of, and awakened that's all it is. And there is a fantastic tool that I learned at the fearless living Institute that I used to awaken and stretch myself. It's called a stretch risk or die tool. And if you think about three concentric circles, like big, bigger, biggest, yeah. And that middle part be your comfort zone. That's life as it is right now. It's what you do. So think about as you are listening to me right now, just think about the goal that you are wanting to achieve. And what I want you to do is paint the picture of what you do today. Who are you today in service to that goal? That's your comfort zone. That is it. That's your comfort zone. If it's a health goal, you're trying to lose 10 pounds. What do you do today? I eat whatever it is, put that in your comfort zone. Now the next ring is called a stretch zone. Now this ring is so important because this is where most people beat themselves up. And it's also where we build our confidence because it contains the things that we know we can do. We just don't do them. What you wanna do is take that goal and think about what are three things that I know I can do in order to lose the weight. I know I can do it. I just don't. Could I go for a 30 minute walk? Could I drink more water? Could I know I can do this. I don't just come up with three things and put that in that second circle. That's the stretch. Now the next ring is the risk zone. Now this takes a little bit more courage. Because you're not sure if you could do it, however, it might be a step necessary to reach that goal. What are two things? What are two things that you're not sure? I don't know how to do it. It might be hard. Just two things. That's it. And then you have all of that space outside of the third ring. All that space is the die zone and it feels just like that.

Joya:

Yeah.

Bisi:

It feels like that thing when someone says, "Joya, how about we go jump out of a plane?" That's a die zone and you just come up with one. Just one thing, that's it. Because what happens is Joya, most of us, we take a goal and we lump it up into this one big thing and we go try to attack it.

Joya:

Yeah.

Bisi:

And then it's too big.

Joya:

Yeah.

Bisi:

We see this at the onset of new months, new years, new quarters. This is my year. This is my quarter and 12 days later, we've lost steam.

Joya:

One of the things that I think about that I've actively done is I was at this juncture, right? I wanna build a business at this revenue goal. I'm currently at this revenue goal. And I remember reading an article that you are the sum of the five people that you surround yourself with. And if you're thinking about changing something, take stock of those five people, because chances are you're not having the conversations about how to get to that goal. You're not surrounded by the attitude that it takes to that goal. You're not even dreaming that big in that goal. If you said it, the people were like, who do you think you are?

Bisi:

Yes.

Joya:

And so I remember making that very active change, because it was okay to have that big hairy, audacious goal. Yes. In this new circle. Cuz those people already facile in that language.

Bisi:

Yes. So, so important community being around. Oh my. So crucial. So what you wanna do, and I love that you brought that up. What you wanna do is forget about the risk in the die zone for now. Because the risk in the die zone is what causes us to procrastinate.

Joya:

Yeah.

Bisi:

It what causes us to overwhelm, the shut down all of that. Forget about those things. They're way too scary. Just take on your stretch. Is there one person you can connect? That dreams a little bigger than you, or has the thing that you want to achieve? Can you join a new networking group? One thing, those things you know you can do that. You're not doing that's what you want to just double down on that's it. And what begins to happen is so powerful. Your stretch zone becomes your comfort zone,. Your comfort zone, essentially just enlarges. Right. Your risk becomes a stretch that die zone that would've taken you out is no longer so scary.

Joya:

You bring up the skydiving analogy and with my women's leadership platform, one of my things that I do, or these big over the top events in other countries, in other cities, you came to my Boston event and that was a stretch, right? You came all the way from Atlanta for one night. But for me, I think that's a metaphor. That is a metaphor because if I take you and I put you on a boat in the middle of the a Adrianic for seven days, something you've never done before. All of a sudden I put you in that stretch zone. What else becomes possible for you? What else becomes possible for you in business? What else becomes possible for you in life? You've already stretched this much. Now let's start to entertain those other conversations. And that is why people are like, "oh, you've come up with these crazy ideas. You're taking people to Morocco." It's a metaphor for what I'm trying to do in the other places. There's some comments starting to come in Bisi. I love it. So let's get through this three steps to break out of your fear cycle. Number one was awareness. Number two was awaken. And number three is activate. What does this mean? Activate.

Bisi:

Ooh, I love this part too, because once you have awakened a thing, think about, I don't know what your favorite car is, but think about having that Maserati is just sitting in your driveway. It's turned on the ignition, you've turned it on. You can hear the exhaust and then what? You gotta put your foot to the pedal so that you can hear it so you can move. And this is where you get to activate the beliefs, the mindset, the behaviors. I love that you said you're literally taking your leadership team clients out and taking that's an activation of sort one of the things that I have found. With us women, especially, we're constantly waiting for the finish line before we assess if we passed or failed. Or if we did it right or not, because our fear has convinced us, you should have done it faster, better before now. Perfect. And it goes on and on and on and on. And here's what I have learned and discovered about fear. It might motivate you. Fear might be motivated, but it would never let you be satisfied. So in the step of activation, this is where I teach my clients the right to almost kinda empower them to take on the right to pat themselves on the back. And appreciate and love themselves as is. So with each movement outside of your comfort zone, you gotta acknowledge that. Celebrate that. I don't care how tiny it is.

Joya:

I love that you say that because I start all of my calls. You sat on one of the peer mentoring calls I do. And I'm, I often marvel at how hard it is for someone to say I won at something last week. Like they really have to search in the deep recesses of their brain to say this was a win for me last week. Cuz we are always on to the next, onto the next. And we don't stop to say, but look at how far I've come.

Bisi:

Yeah. Yes. I had a call with one of my clients this week and I asked the same question, you know? So where have you stretched yourself? Where have you acknowledged yourself? And at first she was stumped. And then we dug through and she realized she was simply discounting all of the things, her weight. Her weight loss journey, her business journey, how she had been showing up, even her showing up on the call, despite everything that was on her plate. And we do this because we have been conditioned to it's bigger. It's better. It has to be bigger in order to acknowledge it. And what you want to start doing is really acknowledging even the tiniest steps. The tiniest of steps, because think about how long your fear has kept you in your comfort zone. Think about how long you have played a tune of I'm a procrastinator. I just wish I could.

Joya:

Yeah, but also we think we don't have time to acknowledge those wins. But truly sitting in gratitude for that win is what galvanizes all the good Juju for that next thing that you want to have happen, happen.

Bisi:

Yes.

Joya:

I wanna remind everyone here to please put your questions in the chat. Bisi and I are together for maybe another 10, 15 minutes, and we are running through her framework on how to break the fear cycle in business. Awareness, awaken, activate is what we've covered off so far. Bisi, you wanna talk about building confidence cuz that's an incredible ingredient too.

Bisi:

Yes. I love this. So many people say I just need to have the confidence and then I can go out there and speak in engagements that you're doing. Just need to build confidence first. And it's such a myth and a misdirection because confidence, isn't a thing that we get. It's not a thing that I can just, oh, let me drink a cup of confidence and that's it. No.

Joya:

Go and buy it off the shelf at Walmart.

Bisi:

Exactly. No, it doesn't work that way. Confidence is a result. it is a consequence of your action. So it's what we build. When we step out of our comfort zone. That's the result of stepping outta your comfort zone when you step out and it's and you see, whoa. Okay. It looks like I can dream bigger. Well, let me try bigger. And then it gets that's how you build confidence. So we take action and confidence build let's think about our little ones, the babies. They never wait till age six before they decide to take a step. Right? They get up, they take a step, they fall. Okay. Get up. And we the adults around us say, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Don't run too fast. You don't run too fast. You're gonna fall. Right? They get up step outta what has been their comfort zone of crawling. Take a step fall. So wait, I think I can take two more steps, get up, fall. And so that is how you build confidence. So literally what I just shared with you, that tool stretch risk or die using that you can use it for any area of your life. Yes. This is how you build a confidence.

Joya:

I'm getting a question here and I'm asking a clarifying question. Vera Muji is joining us and she said, this is a great conversation. Vera, I know you and I have talked about overcoming fear in the past. Share a question for me in Bisi, as we're having this conversation. I have a question here from a woman who says, "my culture has drummed a lot of fear into me. The expectations that my parents have for me have drummed a lot of fear. And it keeps me from my goals and the things that I want." What would be your answer to that Bisi?

Bisi:

I see you. First of all, when you said that my whole body just responded because I see you. I feel you. I'm in the same. I'm in the same boat. And it's interesting how these days I'm called higher and higher to this conversation. That we can build what we want and desire despite our culture. So the, what I can tell you is to hang on number one, continue dreaming, and know that it's possible. And dial into really use this tool. What is the one baby step that you can take? I promise you, you are gonna be okay. I face the same thing when it was time to get a divorce. What's going on? You can't do this. What are we going to tell the other people? And I had the option of stay in a marriage and just suffocate so I can please

Joya:

let your spirit die on the vine.

Bisi:

Let my spirit die. Whilst I please the family or the culture. Or take control of my life.

Joya:

But what's that next step Bisi? You know, that's an overwhelming decision to make. Leave my marriage, define my family. What would be that one next step to take?

Bisi:

So it would really be making a decision of what you want. It goes back to that awareness. I love that. There's the awareness of my culture has played this part. Got it. We know that, we know that. What do you want? Like really knowing what that distinction is, what do you want? Get clear about it and then make a decision around it and knowing that in that decision. All this other stuff is still going to happen. Like your culture does not need to not exist anymore in order for you to live. That's one of the

Joya:

not mutually exclusive.

Bisi:

Right. You know, so it's really making a decision. That's the first that make a decision. What do you want? Yes. Culture. We know what culture wants of you. What do you want? And I think that's huge. Sorry to cut you off. I think that's huge with us with a strong culture because for so long culture dictated where we ought to be. Right? And so a lot of people they're clouded. They're not even sure what they want.

Joya:

Yeah. And to echo what you said earlier, we're on autopilot. Yes. We're on autopilot based on somebody else's expectations. And I have a woman in my mastermind who remembers there was a moment where all her life she'd been told what to do. And she, all of a sudden had marriage, the kids, the house, and was like, but did I even ask for any of this or was this what somebody else wanted for me? We have another question coming in, which is that I work in a male dominated. Environment. And so, as you can imagine, fear is a big part of why I don't speak up why I might be ridiculed. Why I don't say, even though I know I have the solution to the problem. So what would you say to that Bisi?

Bisi:

Mm-hmm yeah. So again, I've been, I've definitely been in this situation many times, either the only woman in the room or the only black person in the room, all of that. And here's one thing though. I do wanna bring your attention to that fear. The feelings of fear. Sure. It's real in our body, but it's not necessarily real. Will you be ridiculed? Probably not. And let's just say you, you are let's even just go to the extreme that you would be. You will be okay. You will be. Okay. I think that that's something that I've also learned in this journey, like really holding myself through my fears through this journey and really caring so much for me. And what I would say is, again, this what's the tiniest step you could take. If it's one, one thing you're gonna say in that. That's it. And one of the things I discuss with my clients is walking into meetings with an intention. What is your intention? And what I mean by what your intention is, how do you want to show up? Who are you going to be? Not what are you gonna do? Yes. Who are you going to be? What is your intention? Because when you walk into a room with an intention, you are in service to that intention. What is expected of you is just by the way, that's external to you. That's why it's called expectation is external to you. So if for me, I remember there came a point where in corporate is my intention here is to be a great listener. I walk into that room, full body listening. So the noise about, oh my God, what am I going to contribute here? It's not there. And the moment I speak up it's with full intention, it's not coming from a place of fear.

Joya:

The next question is, how do I build awareness? This person is stumped on. I get that building awareness is important, but what's a tactical way that I can build awareness? For me, it's journaling. I find that when I do that thought dump on paper, that's where I start to connect dots that I haven't connected before. That's my way of building my awareness muscle. But what would you recommend?

Bisi:

Yeah, I love that journal. Generally. I do that every day. It's one of my practices. For me, it's been a lot of pauses and really asking myself, "what do I want? What do I want?" Like really interrupted? What do I want? And I'm talking about even going to the basics. What's your favorite color? Do you like this color? Do you like this? What do I want? You go to a restaurant with a friend with a partner and you ask, what should we want? You make a decision. What do I want? Like really just being very, very conscious. This is going to snap us out of the autopilot. And that's awareness, right? It's that autopilot it's us really walking, awakened and interrupting and asking ourselves those questions. So, yes, I love the journal journaling. I love to taking out time for yourself. Pausing asking yourself questions. Yeah.

Joya:

This next question is about imposter syndrome. Because you can have fear, but then there's something that's even trumping that, which is imposter syndrome. And so if, do you have any suggestions on how to overcome that?

Bisi:

Mm-hmm so this tool that I have shared with you today, and if you're just joining us, make sure you watch this from the beginning, cuz this is super practical and powerful. And this could be used even for that an imposive syndrome in my life I've had the moments where I'm in a room and I think to myself, "oh my God, I don't belong here. How did I get here? I don't belong here." But the truth is I am here. Like I am here and here's what I know. If you are an imposter, you don't have the syndrome. You will not have the syndrome, you know? And the question for me also is what are you expecting? What are you expecting to feel to be, to do? How, what are you expecting to feel in this space and going back to your intention? How do I wanna show up? Who do I wanna be? Really from a place of freedom, not a place of cause imposter for me is it says, there's this bombardment of you are supposed to be at this place, this position in order to belong in its room, or you're supposed to have a chief X, Y, Z, in order to speak on that topic, says who?

Joya:

You reference something that I think feeds into the science of fear. And I don't know if that we covered off on that. Our brains are designed to keep us safe. Our brains are designed to keep us in our comfort zone. Why? Because thousands of years ago, our ancestors were out hunting and gathering and they were pattern matching for threats. Yes. And if the fear mechanism which sits in your amygdala didn't kick in. It's the difference between you living and dying. It's the difference between you being eaten by a lion and not. And so we haven't evolved that far, that fear mechanism still kicks in when a threat is imminent. I might be ridiculed in this meeting. I may not be speaking up the way I need to that fear mechanism is still kicking up. Those chemicals are still cosing through your brain. but how do you push past that?

Bisi:

Yeah. And again, going back to this tool, that's it's the awareness really, really being aware that 75 and now that we've had this conversation, I think you're gonna pause more because I shared earlier on 75% of your decisions are rooted in fear decisions. Think about how many times we're making a decision in a day. Should I make the coffee now? Should I have coffee or tea? Should I wear white or black? Those are all micro decisions, but decisions, nevertheless. And to your point, our brain doesn't know the difference. If we're watching TV, if the monster is in a TV or if it's in our front door. So really their awareness really just again, is this me or is this my fear? Who's in a driver's seat, right? Who made this decision for me? Me or my fear? Me or my fear. And then when you make your decision, it's, what's my next step? I wanna do this. Okay. What's the smallest step I can take towards where I wanna go? Take that step, but know that every time you step out of your comfort zone, your fear is going to kick in. No, because its job again is to keep you in your comfort zone. So anytime you venture out of your comfort zone, even if it's a new thought. Your fear is going to kick in and say, where are you going? You need to be within the walls of your comfort zone. Right? And that right there is the junction where you make yet another decision. I see you. Yeah, I know you're trying to keep me safe, but I'm willing to do this. And one

Joya:

of the things that it's maybe worth even investigating is, what is the worst case scenario if I do this? And can I handle it? What is the worst case scenario if I decide that I'm gonna speak up in this meeting? Will I be fired?

Bisi:

Yeah. Yeah. That is so powerful. The worst case scenario. And a lot of times with my clients, I thought all of these things. Nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing happened or it wasn't even what I expected at all. Oh, that this happens all the time. And I might add, this is how we build our capacity for more. The more we can hold the disappointments, the more we can hold our hearts breaking because that's what we don't wanna feel. We don't wanna feel the heartbreaking. We don't wanna feel disappointed. We don't want to feel the overwhelm. But the more we can feel everything, the more we can do or have anything we want.

Joya:

See it as a growth opportunity as it is nothing else. If you can. The last question here is sometimes fear is masked as anger. Fear could show up as anger. Whether you're on the receiving end or you're the person who's actually the perpetrator. What is your answer to that?

Bisi:

Mm, I love that. And that to me tells me you who, whoever asked that question also has a deeper level of awareness as well. And my, what I would even invite you to do is to stay with that, to explore just this week earlier this week, I had a conversation with a client who went from anger to now I'm just releasing. It's just tears, and they notice that shift. And sometimes it is a process. A lot of times we don't allow ourselves to process our emotions. And it comes out in anger. It comes out lashing out at other people, or even inwards lashing out at ourselves. And like I said, just a few moments ago. If we can allow ourselves to feel the gamut of our emotions, we can have anything. Allow yourself to be mad, to be sad, to be angry. It will pass, but what many people do is we bottle it up for fear of my reputation is at stake. I'm not gonna be loved. I might lose this. I might lose that. You know, so we bottle it up and we don't process it. And that's what burst out into anger. But it will pass. So really starting to cultivate this habit of I'm sad, honor. It. Honor it honor your just be aware. Journal if you need to journal, go run, work out. Do whatever it is you need to do. Allow your feelings to process and then revisit your commitment.

Joya:

What I'm also hearing you say though, is when you label it, this is fear. This is anger. It's a negotiation technique I learned from Chris FOS who used to be a former FBI negotiator. No other interaction is gonna be more tense or fear-filled than a hostage negotiation. But one of the things that he does as a technique and he teaches today is to label what it is that people are talking about or are expressing at that moment. And so I'm hearing you say the same thing. If you label it, it gives you a little distance from it. And it gives you more of a capacity to deal with it.

Bisi:

Absolutely. I love that because usually I would say, once you can name the thing, it no longer has power over you. Right? One once you can give it a name, it's like, oh, okay. I see you. It's anger. Yes. And I know when I experience this, this is me. This is anger.

Joya:

Yes.

Bisi:

There's a separation.

Joya:

And going back to the science cause I love the science of this kind of thing. Is that when you label it, it also is giving your brain, it downshifts from all those chemicals that are now coursing because of fear. Because you've just, now you've put it in a compartment.

Bisi:

Yes exactly.

Joya:

Carol Lopez Smith asks, "do you have a podcast Bisi?"

Bisi:

Hey, Carol, I do not have a podcast.

Joya:

Maybe you should start.

Bisi:

Maybe I should start. Bisi let's bring

Joya:

it home here. It's 1240. If anyone wants to work with you or find you on social media, as Carol wants to, what's the best way?

Bisi:

So I play a lot on Facebook, on LinkedIn, on Instagram, and it's Bisi MacGregor that's it.

Joya:

And what is your website? Bisimacgregor.com. Awesome. Any last words before we part today?

Bisi:

So I'd love to leave you with this. And I know we talk about fear is this thing that's scary that keeps us from all the things we want. And I would love to offer you this perspective. That fear is one of my mentors says Rhonda and fear is an affirmation of your growth. Because if you think about it, the only time it rears it's head, is that when you are venturing out of your comfort zone. So get excited when your fear peaks, it's I'm playing at the edge of my comfort zone. What am I gonna create?

Joya:

And have fun with it. It sounds like have fun with it. If you wanna get a hold of me on social media, it's @Joyadass. You know, Bisi you and I talked about this at the dinner table in Boston. I have a mastermind. And what I'm really looking for is women who have dealt with the fear. Have some certainty around a goal that they wanna achieve, but they don't have the group, the right group or the right accountability around them in order to achieve it. And so that is what I am in service of. That is what I can create for you. So if there's anyone listening out there. Carol, Vera, if you would like to be in a mastermind because you have a goal that you wanna achieve and realize I would love to help you get there. Vera says, thank you. Carol says, thank you. Bisi, thank you!

Bisi:

My pleasure. Thank you for having me. Thank you for this platform, Joya.

Joya:

You're welcome. So many truth bombs in this. Thank you again.

Bisi:

Thank you.