Drink Like A Lady Podcast with Kathie De-Chirico Stuart & Joya Dass Season #2 Ep 7
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the drink, like a lady podcast where every week on Wednesdays at 3:00 PM, Eastern time, myself and my partner in crime, Kathy DeCicco Stewart, who is a business strategist host of this podcast for emerging female leaders. The drink like a lady podcast is very cheekily named what it is because it's designed to not only get you a seat at the bar, but it's also designed to get you a seat in the boardroom season one, we focused on a lot of different aspects of leadership, but in season two, very specifically, and at Kathy's request, we are talking about mindset, a growth mindset, a fixed mindset, and all the failures that lead to your success today in particular, we're actually going to be talking about money. It's no secret that, uh, a lot of money is usually acquainted for success. And that can be said for a man.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
And that can be said for a woman, but in specifically, we are really interested today about the limiting beliefs that women have around money and where do they come from? And what are the five tips that we can offer for you to change them? It's not a lost cause you can actually change them. So I'm just waiting here for Kathy to join me. I see her right here on the cast and I am going to add her Kathy. I was just telling everyone today that we are talking about women and money, and that is such an important piece of success, ostensibly, for us as a culture. How are you Kathy? I'm great. Julia, how are you? I'm so good. I'm so glad that we figured out the technology on this, right. We're getting there. Yeah, we are getting better at this. So I just teed up what we're going to be talking about today in episode seven and drink like a lady that we were focused on women and money, where do our limiting beliefs come from?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
And the five tips that we have to offer today for folks to be able to change them. And what's interesting is, is so much of our limiting beliefs are actually anchored in a very primal instinct. Doesn't it? Well, that was so interesting. And I knew that there were other, a generational beliefs that we had, but when I did a little bit more research on this and I found out that it was primal, I was like, it was like one of those wow moments. Um, so when we know that it's primitive and it's an unconscious belief that maybe coming through, we're really up against, uh, being very conscious of how we, uh, we turn ourselves around on this. So, uh, I think there was a professor that you cited that we have a tendency as women to conform. And we also have a proclivity towards letting the man deal with safeguarding, the nest.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
And, um, that just really is part of our chip brain. Explain what that means. Well, it was professor Steve Roberts and he went back and he talked about the female tendency to conform and that goes back to where the men would go out and they would get the food and the women would cook it. They would do, you know, more of the plant-based. And what happened was in this primal, uh, belief system that if a woman went out and actually went to get the meat, she was in harm's way and could be killed. Right. So
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Sort of still sits with us. And you know, when I read that, I was like, I get it. I'm, I'm understanding this whole risk that, um, ELs take when, when they're actually, you know, being in front of things.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
Right, right. And the other thing that I'm going to add to that, I see mailman is just joining us. You joined us last week as well. She is a New Jersey out by you, cafe brain. You know, we're talking today about women and money and what are our limiting beliefs? Where did they come from and how do we change them and money. Of course, when you're a business owner like Neil ma of course, that's always going to be a hot button topic, but we started out by saying that so much of our attitudes around money are primal, right? It's comes from the days of fight or flight. If you weren't being protected. If you stepped out of your comfort zone, chances are that you would actually get eaten by a wild animal. There's another scientific piece as well. Like our neural pathways are actually designed to imprint the negative less than the positive. And the reason again goes back to the fight or flight is that if you don't imprint the negative and you don't react with fight or flight, then you're, you could be eaten or you could die, you know, but these are going all the way back to like the beginning of man, right? And this is some of the like evolutionary stuff that we're really fighting as women.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
And, and w you know, what it really does is, uh, points out why we're having such a, um, the trajectory isn't sort of straight up. We're very smart. We get it. And then we're like, why do we keep, you know, defaulting back? And this is one of the reasons, and I believe once you are aware of it, things can change
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Nila. If you're on the line. And I see precious health and wellness just joined us, please ask us a question. As we go through our little chat here today, we're going to be talking for about 20 minutes. So next, Kathy, I want to move to how do we change these limiting beliefs around money? And I think step one is to start building some awareness. How do we do that?
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Exactly. I mean, you have to be conscious. One of the things, um, you know, that is really important is when we talked about this last week, I said, watch what you're thinking. You know, when it, when it comes to, when we're talking specifically about money this week, what are you thinking about? What are you what's not working? What are you uncomfortable with? And yet you still default to that. So that's awareness, and that's really, really key in terms of becoming very conscious of your choices. Doesn't mean you have to make choices right away. Also by becoming aware, you can create what I call a pause and pause into it and say, Hmm, how can I change the belief? And then the action behind it.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
You know, I grew up with parents that always talked about money being for others and never for us. And so it's like the eight track that's been playing in my head up until I hit my forties. And it wasn't until I built some of this awareness realized that that was the script that was playing in my head. But the important part was that I had the ability through affirmations and anchoring and different belief system to change that script and start to see it actually manifest in my life. So I want to talk also about like some of the unhelpful beliefs that we of have anchored into our system. Right. And number one is that money is not my responsibility.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Well, that's a big one. I mean, it goes back to that primal belief, right. As well. But, you know, what's interesting for me is that it is everybody's responsibility to take care of themselves, but as a, um, going back to the primal, and then also going back to the generational, when I was first married and my parents, it was the husband, the father who went out and made the money normally. Yeah. So it was, in my case when I was first married, it was, I called it a mutual responsibility, but still there are so many individuals who say, it's, it's, you know, it's not my responsibility and I don't need to take care of it.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
The other thing is that we know as women, that it's important to save for the future, but sometimes the idea of saving is less sexy than that bag that we have our eye on.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
You know, my daughter taught me something. Um, I would always go shop at Bloomingdale's and high-end stores and all of that. And she said, you know, mom, I, I don't know why you're not shopping at TJ Maxx and Marshall's and some of these off price. And she really got me to take a look at where in some cases is quite silly to spend all that extra money just because I was going to Bloomingdale's to get the stuff. Yeah. The thing though on that is when we're going to get to this, eh, you know, whether it's the end of this, uh, session or the next episode, it's also by, uh, for quality versus for quantity. And they taking a look at what that looks like for us.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I was at a business retreat two weekends ago, as you know, in Atlanta. And I met two women that are observing van life. And I was like, van life. This is a thing now, van life is where you've given up all of your worldly possessions. You really went out to all of them down to like your bare minimum that you need. And you live out of a tricked out van. Um, and it's because they're trading all the earthly possessions for the experience, right. It's experience of being able to travel all over the country and be able to work from anywhere. But it was truly to me like, wow, that's an interesting way to save for the future because you don't have expensive rents. You don't have expensive clothes. There's so many sort of butts I'm not getting in a van, don't get don't worry, but I just thought it was a fascinating way to live.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
So, um, for those of you that are just joining us, see blossom has just joined us. Sandy ELPs has just joined us. We're talking about money and women and our limiting beliefs around money and how do we change them? And the first step is to build some awareness around that. We've been talking about that with Kathy DeCicco Stewart, number two, I said, debunk some of those unhelpful beliefs. Number one is that money is not my responsibility. Number two, we need to save for the future, but it's not very sexy. Number three, financial planning takes a lot of time. We know that's a myth because there's so many apps out there now, including stuff, uh, it stash wealth, stash, wealth that allows you and really makes it easy for you to invest for your future. You know, one
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Of the things that I have found out recently, I used to do a lot of research ahead of time and then make stock purchases. And, and also what I believed. Um, so, uh, you know, for instance, Disney, when my kids were small were a big thing that was very much growing, but now when you go into a lot of these investment opportunities, you can actually plug in information and it spits out to you what your return is, what it looks like. Um, and it, it actually comes into your email. So where years ago we'd have to spend a lot more time than we do now. And I mean, in terms of the research right now, uh, individuals, young women, we all have the opportunity to, um, understand that it does. It's not gonna take as much time as you think.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I think there's a lady drinks member is in New Jersey. I believe she's in Homedale and she's just joining us today as well. So I think, feel free to ask us a question today on the drink, like a lady podcast, we're talking about women and their beliefs around money, where did our limiting beliefs start from? It actually started at a very primal level when we were sort of in the caveman world and the men went out and did the hunting and gathering, and women stayed home and, and, and did not. Um, and number two is to debunk some of those unhelpful beliefs that we have in our systems, which is, money's not my responsibility. We need to save for the future, but it sure isn't sexy or financial planning takes a lot of time, or it's out of my reach. You're more interested in making the poor spending decisions,
Speaker 2 (10:17):
You know, and after a while, I mean, it, you know, what it was always fun for me is when I started putting money away, you know, from very young age and, and 401ks, et cetera, it was great every month to see how it was going up and how it was being invested. And I actually was able to be a mentor for many other women and they'd call me. And I think what makes them think that I've got more going on? I guess I was much more comfortable and, and making it more of a game. It was positive game.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Mary Lou, Andre joins us from Boston. Welcome Mary Lou Rihanna just joined us. I believe she's out in Queens. You know, we're talking today about women and money, and we've just talked about the five ways that we sort of anchor in our system, the unhelpful beliefs around money. But now we're going to talk about some of those helpful beliefs that we do need to stress anchor into our system. And number one, I'm a huge fan of this is to have a logical attitude towards debt. What does that mean cafe
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Really? What you're going to look at it and say, it doesn't make sense to go into debt for, you know, like a thousand dollar coat that you may want or a thousand dollar handbag. Um, if you have the money or you've just, and it's one thing we talked about at one point when I got promoted and I would get great bonuses rather than I would put most of it away. But I would also, that would be the point in time where I would call myself, treated myself. It was a, a supporting way of saying, well, you've earned it. You can get it. It's now yours, but really looking at it from a point of reference of doesn't make sense. Do you want it, is it for you or is it, are you just trying to show off to someone else?
Speaker 1 (11:50):
And it's never fun. We've got several business owners that are on this here today. I see them joining us. Um, it's never a fun thing to be highly leveraged. So number one, the helpful belief system has to have a logical attitude towards debt. Number two, it seems like an obvious one, but live beneath and live beneath your means. I'm sure you're somebody who has done that. It's something that I've observed in the last 10, 15 years.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You know, one of the things I still use coupons, I mean, it's the craziest thing. I'll get a coupon and I'll be like, okay, you know, sometimes I get things for free and it's the, the most fun, knowing that out of everybody, probably I could go spend the money, but why do that? If it's something like that, I think it's like throwing the money away. But living within your means also allows you to be aspirational in terms of how you want to spend the money, not what someone else wants you to do with your money.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
So today we're talking about women and money, where do all of our limiting beliefs come from? What are the unhelpful beliefs that we're hanging on to? And what are some helpful beliefs that we can start to anchor into our system. But now we're actually going to move into some of the ways to change your mindset around money and talking about money is a big piece of it too. You know, we, as women have traditionally had bad associations around talking about money. It's a little, in-app, it's an, it's a little inappropriate. It makes us seem greedy. We don't want to be successful in business, but what, how does that damage us?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Well, what it does is you don't talk about it. You really don't understand other people's perspectives and what they may be doing it and gaining wealth and money in order to build up their own own bank accounts, not just their family's bank accounts. Um, and it also becomes a taboo by not talking about it, you know, and by talking about it and doing it in a very respectful, and I'm going to say very safe way with others, um, allows you to really explore new opportunities.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Also women tend to want to talk about money, but in written form and not necessarily in vocal form. Why is that?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Well, I think because, you know, sometimes it's just like a text or an email, you know, when you, you don't want to quite, uh, connect with somebody, but you'll do it via text. It's a way of staying separated from that individual in that conversation.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
So today we're talking about women and money, and if you do have a limiting mindset that, Oh my gosh, I'm never going to be able to make X amount of dollars. How can you start to change that? And the number one way is to build awareness around it. Number two is to actually talk about it, right? And number three, and I have this on my list here today is to, um, journal, how can you start to build some positive affirmations around money? But I know you have an interesting story from when you were a chief operating officer. And I wondered if you'd share that.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Um, you know, I was always the person where people, I would be the voice for individuals within a company. So one of the companies I was with, um, a woman came to me and she said, um, would you go to bat for me for a raise? And I had just done a raised review and a salary review for everybody within the company. And we had sort of settled up where we needed to. And I said to her, well, I'm not sure why you're coming to me, knowing that you've got a great relationship with your, uh, key managing partner. Um, tell me what's going on. And she said, the last time I went and asked for a raise, um, they said to me, well, if you get married, you won't need the rings. Now I'm talking, this is only about eight years ago. And I thought, no, that did not happen. And she says, I am telling you so, and, and I, of course I asked her for all of the, um, the metrics in terms of what she was doing and the profitability. Cause I look at that anyway. Um, but I was still like amazed that anyone would even say that to anyone, a woman or anyone at, at, at best.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
I feel like we've come so far. And yet we haven't married. Lou Jay at the Rihanna. If you're still on the line, we'd love for you to ask us some questions. We're having this conversation today. Neil might as well. We're having this conversation today about women and money. Why is it, what is the Genesis of all the limiting beliefs that we have around money and how do we start to turn them around? And so we decided Cathy, you and I, that number one was to build some awareness around it. Number two was to talk about money. It's not, it doesn't have to be such a taboo topic. Number three is to build some positive affirmations around money. I can be the poster child for this one, because as I was saying earlier, for those of you that joined early Apollo, and I'm saying this again, but I grew up in a household where money was really for others and it was never for us.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
It was always the othering of money. And so I kind of grew up every time, I'd see somebody raise $4 million for their company or $2 million for their company or $18 million. The immediate script in my head would be like, Oh, I could never do that. But the actual way to attack that is, I don't know how to do that yet because I haven't dedicated my bandwidth to being able to figure out how to raise VC money. I truly haven't. So for me, it was being able to reframe and reposition. We've talked about this in season two of this podcast, but also for me to start saying some affirmations that are the polar opposite of that, which is that I absolutely deserve money or I absolutely work hard. And I deserve the money that I make. And I've already started to reap the benefits of that shift in my head, but it has to be a daily commitment you can't say at once and then just walk away and hope that it's going to show up. It's like going to the gym, you got to show up every day.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
That's for sure. And you know, you talked about the journaling. I think journaling is very good for whatever subject that we're talking about at all. And I journal almost every day and I read it like we talked about in like, but also putting down those goals, putting them down and then looking at the actions. And then like you said, it's every day taking an action towards that step. Even when it's uncomfortable, having a great mentor to say, here's how I would approach something.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Um, Magna who's a lady drinks member here in New York city has just joined us. She is partner at Ernst and young Magna. Feel free to ask us a question. This is the weekly drink, like a lady podcast where we're talking to emerging female leaders on how to get a seat at the bar, how to get a seat at the table. And money has always been the KPI of success, especially if you have a lot of it. Um, but as women we've often held ourselves back because we've got these limiting beliefs around money, we can't make it. It's sort of inappropriate to talk about it. It seems not very sexy to have to figure it out. It takes too much time. It takes too much energy, so on and so forth. So Kathy and I were sharing here today, how you can start to turn that around.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
I know it's like turning around the Titanic, but number one is to share is to build some awareness around what are the scripts that are playing out in your head? Um, number two is to, um, is to really talk about money, make it, make it more of a topic that you want to be able to share about. And number three is to journal and to build some positive affirmations around your money mindset. Um, Kathy, we're coming towards the end. We're here at three 17. We promise to only keep this at 20 minutes, but I know you had a question for the audience.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Well, I mean, I think that here, what are your stories? We want to know what your stories are about money, because next week we're going to be talking about, um, you know, how do we shift those belief systems? How do we help you? How do we actually give you for instances of individuals who have actually been in debt or taken on more than they needed to, or didn't say plenty, and what did they do? So we're going to share that with that, um, the audience, but more than that, what we want to do is we also want to share the fact that money doesn't mean wealth. You know, and that's a lot of things. People say, Oh, they've got a lot of money, but I know a lot of people who have no experiences, all the money's in the bank and they haven't lived a good life. So that is something we're going to be talking about in the future. And I hope that, uh, individual send us some questions ahead of time.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Amazing. Well, Kathy, it's always great to see you. If anybody wants to work with you, I know you're a business strategist. What's the best way to get in touch.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Sweaty, getting touches to email me at Stuart Cathy, S T U a R T, Kathy at Gmail, K a T H I E or direct at my phone office. Nine is six Oh nine nine three three seven 600.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
And I'm going to make a little plug for my public speaking masterclass. I have two spots open if kicks off next week, Thursday. And so we have two spots open. If you would like to learn to speak with confidence and command a room. I welcome you to email me@infoatladydriggs.com. Kathy, I'm going to see you at the same bat time, same bat place next week, 3:00 PM for the drink, like a lady podcast