Season 3 Episode 8: Eight Ways to Keep Your Calm as We Transition Back to the Office

In Season 3  Episode 8, we talk about transitioning back to the office. Emotions are running high Some are still working from home. Some are back in the office. Some are resisting coming back to the office. Culture is difficult to maintain with a hybrid schedule.

When so much change is in the air,  it's easy to lose your cool.  In this episode, we walk you through eight tips to keep a calm as we transition back.

1. Build that awareness muscle
2. Set boundaries
3. Keep things simple. 
4. Delegation
5. The "football post-mortem"
6. Manage expectations
7. Offer feedback
8. Manage yourself. 

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Transcript

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Joya 0:01

Kathie. It is hot in New York. My goodness. How are you doing?

Kathie 0:07

I'm doing good. I'm up here in Vermont. And it is as warm in Vermont as it is down there. And we don't traditionally have air conditioning. So it's , um, it's, it's interesting to , to have to go through a period of time when you're not used to it. Air conditioning,

Joya 0:24

Welcome everyone to Drink Like a Lady Season Three, Episode Eight. These podcasts are designed for you as a female leader. Not only to get a seat at the bar, but to get a seat in the boardroom. And today, Kathie, we're talking about calm, our eight tips to being calm as a leader, as we transitioned back into the office. And I think you have a story as you were preparing the notes for this.

Kathie 0:47

Yeah. I I'm really into this idea of how we can control everyone has all of the same attributes, but whether or not there are individuals who can control leadership skills. So , um, I was at the doctor's office with my husband and this woman says, Oh yeah, I'm the woman who has 10 children. And we both were like, okay, ten children. So immediately I said to her, I said, how do you do it? And , and she said, I remained calm. So once again, based on our theme, I said, you know, that's interesting. And she says, yeah, as a nurse and a doctor, you have to remain calm in order to make the best decisions. And we know that based on even last week's podcast , we talked about the precortical , uh , part of our brain that needs to be in a calm , uh , flat in , uh , cortex,

Joya 1:41

Which is where we make all of our decisions really needs to be in that upswing. After you've experienced a period of stress, that's when your best decision making is going to happen is when that calm, washes over you.

Kathie 1:50

Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Joya 1:53

So today we are offering eight tips on ways that you too can remain calm when your team, when your environment, when the transition is challenging, you there's an article that you were citing from McKinsey before we kick off our list.

Kathie 2:07

Yeah. And the McKinsey article was really, really spot on. And the fact that we're coming out of COVID that we've been all uprooted , you know, global economy, you know, multimedia components, how do we remain calm with all of this negativity coming into us? And , um, what we've done is we've gone through some of the key points off of that article at McKinsey. And we're going to talk about that today.

Joya 2:31

Number one is to build that awareness muscle. We are coming off of what 18 months of over a year of being in a very different environment. And what I'm hearing anecdotally is that people don't necessarily want to come back. They kind of liked the routines that they've established at home, and they find themselves to be very pretty productive.

Kathie 2:49

Yeah. And what happens is you've got to find out what is really going on in your industry and how do you, it goes back to the psychological safety, the fact that everybody's looking for the norm, we had restructured the norm during this pandemic. And now what we have to do is be very aware of even when people are coming back, there's still exhaustion, there's burnout. Um, and there's actually, you know, reduced effectiveness when people are in those conditions.

Joya 3:17

Yeah, absolutely. So, number two, I want to make sure I put the banners up here because we want to be able to keep track of this all is so number one was to build awareness. Number two is to set boundaries. I mean, clear ones. I actually added this to the list yesterday because you know, I'm in front of my membership all week long with different women leaders. And I'm hearing them tell me where they're struggling and setting boundaries is a big one, especially from my generation.

Kathie 3:44

Well, that's interesting because what I have also found in the decision making process is it's almost like people can't make a decision all of a sudden and you the skills. So the point is to actually empower them, to make decisions , um , based on telling them where you're going and what that looks like. And only when they need to come back to you in order to , uh, you know, to get your feedback.

Joya 4:06

Okay . Yeah. I remember taking this productivity course with Ari Mizel and he was like, if you lay out very at the outset, here's the task, here's the deliverable. Here's when to bother me. Here's when you are on autopilot and can make your own decisions. So if you lay those bumper guards are around, you know, the task that gives the person, not only , um, stewardship, but it gives it, empowers them to be able to take risks and maybe even be a little bit creative, but you've got to be able to set those boundaries of when you're supposed to be knocking on my door or you're supposed to be emailing .

Kathie 4:39

Exactly, exactly. That's , that's so true from all points of view,

Joya 4:43

Your parents says , don't knock on my door unless the house is on fire or your brothers .

Kathie 4:48

Yeah . And I've had that happen too.

Joya 4:51

So number three is to keep things simple. And I find that as a journalist, I have to do this every single day with, with women. When they're asking questions, I'm hearing you say 15 sentences, but it really sounds like it's one. So how can you keep things simple?

Kathie 5:08

That is, you know, that is really important. What we have now is a communication overload. And I find that in emails and I finally had to ask someone out of my audit group. I said to them, you know, don't send me a novel, send me the points of which you want me to act on it because not only is he sending it in a way that he's trying to get it off his chest, once again, you know, that's where it is, but I'm less effective in getting him what he wants. So it's really important, you know, write your email and then relook at it, write your communication tools. And then, you know, sometimes a yes or no is just as good as a whole novel on what the conversation's about.

Joya 5:49

I always say to my public speaking students to think about the takeaway and then reverse engineer from there, whatever exercise you're about to engage, you're about to meet your boss. You're about to meet a client. What is the primary takeaway that you need them to walk away with? And then, and then you start to build the story from there as opposed to sort of arriving and hoping that things kind of work out themselves.

Kathie 6:09

And you're very good at this. Um, even when we're planning all of this, you're very good at sort of synthesizing and that's important.

Joya 6:17

Absolutely, absolutely delegation. Um, I can't tell you how many times I have this conversation because everybody is a control freak, especially if you're a Type A woman, nobody wants to let go of control, but that's really not a way to get things done. You really gotta be right . The delegate

Kathie 6:34

Well, and what aren't you do big things. You need big group of resources. And one of those, there are other people to powertrain it through. Um, and here's the other thing we've talked about. This put the right team in place. You know, if you put the right team in place, what will happen is all of a sudden they'll understand your dynamics. And I always say that, you know , it's very important to communicate the why of what you're doing, because all of a sudden they'll say, Oh, that's , that's why she did it. Or that's how she approached it. And maybe , um, they can instantly, you know, be able to be comfortable about that delegation tool you've given them. And

Joya 7:05

I'll also layer on top of that, sometimes it's important to explain, like I just did a meeting with my VAs this morning. One is transitioning out, one's transitioning in. And I was like, the number one thing that we need to worry about is the making sure that the mechanism that processes membership is top of mind and smooth before one of you leaves because that is 63% of my revenue pie. And so I gave her the why as to why that was my top most concern. What's keeping me up at night as the, as there's the changing of the guard.

Kathie 7:31

I also want to add too to the whole delegation component is, and when there is a success metric, what you share to the people you've delegated it to. So they understand how they were part of that success model.

Joya 7:46

I love that. And maybe that goes back to that memo that you sent; you're like, here are the bumper guards and here's when you were successful. This is how you'll know exactly. Okay. Number five is what I like to call the football post-mortem and then you want to delay or in the meditation. I mean, when I say football post-mortem after any pro game, the team sits down and they look at what went, right. They looked at what went wrong and what are they going to do the next time, that situation rears its ugly head or not ugly head on the football field. And I don't know that we ever stopped to actually do these kinds of postmortems.

Kathie 8:18

And that's, you know, actually they have playbooks and , um, pretty much in every world that I've been, I brought this idea of a playbook to the, to , um , the organization or company. Um, what that does also is it allows us to actually calm our brain down, you know, and our mind. And it allows us, especially through meditation, it actually accelerates where we could have done better. It actually allows us to remain actually very needle- point focused on what possible solutions are. And there's not always one solution, but there may be additional solutions on that. Post-mortem.

Joya 8:54

And any leader , Steve jobs is the first one that comes to mind meditates. And I don't know that I really knew why until I became, you know, the leader of my own company, it's this, you're making so many decisions throughout the day. You really need that bandwidth to be able to do it. And meditation affords you that.

Kathie 9:14

Yeah. And it's a clearing, it's actually a clearing and it doesn't always take a lot of time. Everyone thinks, Oh my gosh, I have to fix me. I have power. No , you see , you can even start to practice it 10 minutes a day, twice, two , three times a day. And sometimes, you know , daydreaming is also considered a form of meditation.

Joya 9:31

Really, it makes you less reactive. I think, as you know, like you'll pause before you respond and really think about what your response is going to be, because it's hard to take that back once it's out there. But also for me just builds that self-awareness muscle like, Oh, Joya, you're going down that rabbit hole again, you know, rather than just functioning on autopilot.

Kathie 9:51

And it allows the stress level, which is what we're talking about throughout this series is that it allows it to, you know , um, deceptive state . And that's really what you want to do. You want to get back down, you want to recover and you want to be ready for the next challenge. I always call it a challenge.

Joya 10:08

Yeah. All right. Managing expectations is tip number six. I mean, I'll be the first to say that I often have way too many expectations. Both of myself and others around me and my grandmother once said to me, Joya do not have expectations of people who barely have expectations of themselves. They are always going to let you down, save yourself a world of disappointment and stop holding other people those bars.

Kathie 10:34

That is a very wise, wise , um, statement she has said to you, I wish she would pass that on earlier in our relationship, but what's really important is to understand what your operating model is. And then those individuals around you, who you can depend on. So you have to manage the expectations based on the people. And that is why as you increase your effectiveness, you want to make sure that the individuals working with you do the same as well. Yeah.

Joya 11:00

And so what is your personal operating model when it comes to crisis? You know, as opposed to just kind of launching into it and reacting, reacting, reacting, you know, what is it that you can do to hit the head ? I think you had said this, you know, someone had pointed out that you'd hit a wall and it really forced you to, they hit the reset button.

Kathie 11:17

And that was just a few weeks ago. You know, we talk about this, you know, we practice this and yet even ourselves with everything going on, you know, there are those times of when someone sets , they gave me words, you hit a wall. I was like, ah, someone has noticed that in may . Um, and basically I can use that now. And that's why I'm in Vermont. I'll hopefully de-stressing a little bit.

Joya 11:41

I'm so jealous. Being purpose-driven u m, I just had a speaker Tara Mohr who wrote the book, Playing Big, and she said, you know, we are as human beings, primed for fight or flight. But if we get any kind of feedback that is maybe offensive, maybe not, you know what we wanted to hear, how can we, instead of being defeated or instead of being defensive, get curious and really try to understand the purpose at the end of the day, as opposed to getting derailed by a comment.

Kathie 12:09

And that is really important because when we default to our triggers, that's when we're stressed out. So she he's very wise in saying to you, no , you got to pull that stress down. You got to make sure you're in a place where you have actually fed yourselves some good information and understand where you're going. Um, I'm also, you know, listen to Oprah over the weekend. And she said, once I made a decision to be on intention, which is purpose driven, what's my intention in any relationship I no longer gave up and became a victim of other people's wants, same thing. And , um , you know, sometimes those powerful comments just change you forever, all in a good way. Once again.

Joya 12:51

Yeah. I think the additional line that Tara had said is that, you know, feedback is really giving you information about the priorities and preferences of the other person. It isn't actually maybe even about you. So if this person is your target audience, then you have to integrate it. But if it's not part of your target audience, then it just got to leave it by the curbside and really stay focused on what it is that your purpose is and how that's kind of driving the end result of what you want.

Kathie 13:16

And I think what also is important, not everybody can see, you know, we all have blind spots, so not everybody can see an entire picture until they've had conversations once again, bringing that to the idea of learning , um, and, and being a continuous learner , uh, and then making hopefully what we, what we hope is an objective decision. Yeah. Yeah.

Joya 13:37

And I, I think when we're younger, we often don't have all that. Self-awareness like, everything is like taken personally, but over time, you know, when it's not your first rodeo anymore, you're able to kind of stay focused on why you're doing what you're doing.

Kathie 13:48

Exactly. Exactly. All right. Number

Joya 13:52

Eight is to really manage yourself. Um, how can you continue to flex that muscle and be outside of your comfort zone? So when something blindsides you, it doesn't derail you completely.

Kathie 14:03

You know, one of the things I was , I was talking to my husband last night and I said the best thing that ever happened to me in my management career. And I've had a very long one , um, was that I could say I made a mistake. I mean, what happened was then I wasn't defensive if I actually made that mistake or if there was an error or if there was something I was missing rather than immediately going to , uh , to a defensive mode, because once you become in a defensive mode versus defending you, then actually give up your power. So managing yourself is to become extremely aware and then become very self-conscious of what your key trigger points are talking to yourself about.

Joya 14:45

Yeah. Mind over matter. And this is a tough one because, and I'm hearing this all week long is that people find being very emotional, like things are very emotional. And this goes back to what we were talking about with burnout, right? Like when you're on the edge of burnout, everything is, you know, a level four or level five disaster, excuse me. And you're reacting more emotionally, but how can you learn to really manage yourself whenever you're in a tough situation? And you actually have a story about this from , um , the time that you were a COO of a company in New York.

Kathie 15:14

Yeah. So I , I went in as a COO and I, I having had so much experience understood that there were certain things that had to happen operationally. Um, and when we took a look at our three story building , um, what happened was that there were exits outside that were not actually conducive to someone getting out and should we have a fire, a disaster, any of that? So I brought in the fire inspector , uh, and , uh, we did a walkthrough and we came up with an entire plan, my team and I , um, I also, the CEO was like, why did you do that? There was no reason to do that. You know, once again, very, you know, like you shouldn't have done that between two and three weeks later, we put a full plan in place. We let people know what they had to do. And we had a monitoring system, there was a fire, two buildings over, and they asked us to actually get a evacuate. What was really great was within 20 to a half hour, we knew where every project manager was within the city, whether they had come out, we could feel confident that there was no one inside and , and it was seamless. And it actually, it was like a team winning the Super Bowl because we knew safety was important. And we knew that there was a confidence , a calmness throughout the whole , um, incident , uh, with, and I have still a pictures of firetrucks outside. I love it.

Joya 16:31

So you built the plan, you road tested the plan, even in the face of your naysayers and you were able to be totally calm cause you knew there was a plan in place. And I think that that's probably a huge defining factor for why the pandemic just really gave a lot of people analysis paralysis, because they hadn't put in any kinds of plans. If all systems went down or everything changed.

Kathie 16:54

And there's not a lot of people I think who understand that when you practice going into these uncomfortable situations, whether it's practicing , uh , you know, beforehand, like I did in this case, and that came from years of experience and then practicing this with the team , um, you can actually, there could be a bigger disaster and I , you know, no one was hurt, but there could be something bigger that we feel confident now as a group working on this. So , um, that actually elevates the amount of calmness we can, we can, you know , exhibit amongst all of our , uh, employees and peers.

Joya 17:27

And you can feel really empowered by it too. I mean, I know that would give me some calmness next week. We're already up to episode nine. Good Lord. Where's the time going? What are we talking about next week,

Kathie 17:37

We're going to be talking about teams and creating the optimum team . So we've, we've sort of touched on that today in terms of delegation. If you can't delegate to someone and they're not the right team member, you got to talk about that and you got to make some hard decisions or put skills in place. The other thing is the optimum team are they teams are they're there for you as well. And also passing on what, you know, as an executive leader in order to make that work for them.

Joya 18:04

Kathie, if anyone wants to work with you, how do they get a hold of you?

Kathie 18:07

They can call me directly (609) 933-7600 or at my email, stuartkathie @gmail.com .

Joya 18:17

Awesome. And if you want to get a hold of me and work with me on your public speaking, I would love to hear from you and you can email me at joya@joyadass.com. This all nests under a larger leadership platform that I have for women. And I'm always happy to share that , that as well. All right, Kathie, I am jealous that you're in Vermont.

Kathie 18:38

Maybe we'll do a forum or something up here. One time we'll pull that . We'll put a lot of very , um, ambitious women and have them come on up.

Joya 18:45

I would love that. Like have a bonfire we'll sit around. Yeah . Yeah , that sounds wonderful.

Kathie 18:50

Sounds good. Have a great week.

Joya 18:52

Take care. Have a good weekend.

Kathie 18:53

You too. Bye now.