Frame of Reference - Coming Together
"Frame of Reference - Profiles in Leadership" and "Frame of Reference - Coming together" are conversational style shows with local, national, and global experts about issues that affect all of us in some way. I’m, at heart, a “theatre person”. I was drawn to theatre in Junior High School and studied it long enough to get a Master of Fine Arts in Stage Direction. It’s the one thing that I’m REALLY passionate about it because as Shakespeare noted, “all the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players”. Think about the universality of that line for just a moment. Think about the types of “theatre” that play out around us every day in today’s world. The dramatic, the comedic, the absurd, the existential, the gorilla theatre (it’s a thing, look it up) that is pumped into our Smart Phones, TV’s, Radios, and PC’s every minute of every day.
Think about the tremendous forces that “play” upon us - trying to first discover, then channel, feed, nurture, and finally harvest our will power and biases in order to move forward the agendas of leaders we will likely never meet. Think of all these forces (behind the scenes of course) and how they use the basic tools of theatre to work their “magic” on the course of humanity. Emotionally charged content matched to carefully measured and controlled presentations.
With that in mind (and to hopefully counter the more insidious agendas), I bring you the Frame of Reference "Family" of podcasts, where the voices of our local and global leadership can share their passion for why and how they are leaders in their community and in many cases, the world. Real players with real roles in a world of real problems. No special effects, no hidden agenda, just the facts and anecdotes that make a leader.
And at the risk of sounding trite, I sincerely thank my wife Ann and my two children Elisabeth and Josiah for continually teaching me what leadership SHOULD look like.
Frame of Reference - Coming Together
Overcoming Life's Curveballs: Turning Trials into Triumphs with Mike Coy
Have you ever been thrown a curveball in life and wondered how to knock it out of the park? Join me, Rauel Labrèche, as I engage in a heartwarming and enlightening conversation with Mike Coy, a man whose life epitomizes turning trials into triumphs. From swinging bats to shaping futures, Mike's journey from an aspiring baseball player to a financial planner with a zealous commitment to mentorship unfolds. You'll be let in on our personal banter during a rousing round of 'my favorite things,' bringing a touch of humor and relatability that invites you to see the person behind the achievements.
The winds of change often carry a mix of adversity and revelation, and I get candid about my personal battles during the COVID-19 pandemic and a grueling cancer diagnosis. This part of our dialogue is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, as I share what it means to embrace gratitude and purpose in trying times. We traverse the emotional landscapes of nostalgia, health scares, and the rebirth of one's zest for life, providing a sanctuary of solace and inspiration for anyone facing their own struggles.
As the final inning of our discussion arrives, we hone in on the profound effects of mentorship and leadership, drawing wisdom from none other than Abraham Lincoln. Through stories of coaching on the baseball field and mentoring in the prison ministry, we reflect on the pivotal role of choice and informed decision-making. Whether you're battling your own inner demons, inspiring others to reach their potential, or simply seeking a dose of encouragement, this episode is your playbook for navigating life's pitches with a winning mindset.
Thanks for listening. Please check out our website at www.forsauk.com to hear great conversations on topics that need to be talked about. In these times of intense polarization we all need to find time to expand our Frame of Reference.
Welcome to Frame of Reference informed, intelligent conversations about the issues and challenges facing everyone in today's world. In-depth interviews to help you expand and inform your frame of reference. Now here's your host, raoul Labrèche.
Speaker 2:Well, welcome everybody to another podcast edition episode, however you want to think of it, of the wonderful show, the worldwide known, renowned show, frame of Reference Profiles in Leadership. So that's right. I know I'm kind of overdoing it, I'm going over the top. Some people might say beyond the pale, but the reality is I'm excited about today and those of you that listen regularly know that when I get excited, I don't keep it in my feet, it goes throughout my whole body and I'm excited today because the person I'm talking with today is someone that excites me.
Speaker 2:His life journey is one that I find admirable, inspirational. I think that he has an awful lot to offer all of us today, and I'm hoping that my conversation helps to illuminate some of that for you all and that we all come away from this going boy. That was a good talk, so, including my guest, whose name is Mike Coy. Mike, I'm not going to introduce you because I want you to introduce yourself, because I'll probably miss something important and I'd like you to think about it in terms of I try to think of my introduction as being not only my elevator speech, but I want to make it something that my wife wouldn't go liar. Who is Mike?
Speaker 3:Coy. Well, I'm a former baseball player. I had a shot years ago, a contract offer from the Mets, but at $4.25 a month and $6 a day meal money when I had a pregnant wife at home just wasn't quite going to cut it. So I went into the insurance, the financial planning business, mainly so I could work my own hours, I could coach, I could mentor and not have a ceiling on my income. And uh, so for the last 46 years I have been doing the insurance. I've been with AFLAC ever since November of 1977. And I just enjoy helping people. I'm an author, I am a keynote speaker and an old beat-up high school coach that just loves whatever it might be, just loves helping people.
Speaker 2:Well, you could have stopped at the professional baseball player right there and said, well, that's a pretty big accomplishment, Because when I think of the number of people that are excellent baseball players and they get to high school and they just shine and then they try to go to college and they shine, but then that next step is a tough step for people to make, it seems. So congratulations on that. I'm sorry it didn't work out. It sounds like you have a passion for it, regardless of whether or not you got to do it as your vocation. So you're still coaching, I take it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, when I came I moved from Austin to Colorado Springs and I do work with a couple of select teams as a roving hitting instructor and that's what I did for the Padres for two years in the late 80s and ran the San Diego School of Baseball. That was quite an experience because you would get some of the pro players would show up and they'd say, look, I need you to work on my swing and I'm sitting there going. I make one hundred twenty five dollars a week and here you make, you know, a million dollars and you're asking me to help you with your swing. So something's wrong with this picture, you know, but you talk about get the inflated ego. That happens quickly.
Speaker 2:But I'm sure you were able to help them too. So it's one of those things like I don't understand what's wrong with the universe. So, and that, to me, has always been a phenomenal thing too. I'm not a sports guy, so, please, I'm a theater guy, so you know, you know where my brain set is most of the time, but I have admired the fact that with baseball. My dad was a huge baseball fan. He used to say he loved it because of all the sports. It was essentially one guy against one guy. That you know. You were constantly in kind of almost a gladiatorial kind of battle, because a pitcher is throwing their best things at a batter and a batter is taking his best swings at what's coming through the plate, and I'm always amazed by the speed at which those balls come in, that you can hit anything. So that's got to be just a phenomenal development of eye and muscle memory and all of those things.
Speaker 3:So well, yeah, it is. But I tell you it's so frustrating because I've hit 90 plus mile per hour fastballs. But if you put a golf ball on a tee that's not moving, there's a good chance I'm going to miss it or I'm going to slice it. I'm going to do something. Kelly Gruber, the Toronto Blue, the Toronto baseball star, the all-star with the Blue Jays, he and I would play golf together.
Speaker 2:He said you know, it's amazing how I can hit a hundred mile per hour fastball but I can't hit this thing just sitting right here in front of me and boy, it's really true. Well, you know, sometimes God has to humble us in amazing ways, right? So, and that's, he'll do whatever he needs to. That I think sometimes. Well, mike, I tried to warn you a little bit before we went on starting recording things, but I do like to do a nice little ditty called my favorite things.
Speaker 2:If I had the money, I would get Julie Andrews to come sing it for us personally, but I don't, so she won't. But the whole idea of it is, I throw something out to you and this is an opportunity for you and I to get to know each other and for people listening to get to know that Mike Coy actually likes the same thing I like, and maybe I never heard of that before. But here we go. It's very Rorschachian. Whatever thought come out without you. First thing, try not to think about it too much, but hopefully it goes somewhere. Fun too. So let's start off with something fairly easy, usually for people.
Speaker 3:Okay, what's your favorite food? Oh, it's gotta be anything fried. My mother said that if my grandmother would fly iced it would fry iced tea I'd eat. It said that if my grandmother would fry iced tea I'd eat it. So yeah, and I've had to really watch that because after my cancer, you know, I really try to watch my weight. I try to watch kind of cut out as much of the fried foods. But no, I mean my last meal in prison would be chicken fried steak and some mashed potatoes and some green beans.
Speaker 2:What not fried mashed potatoes too? Potatoes and some green beans, what Not fried mashed potatoes too? Oh yeah, Sure. Here in Wisconsin, at County Fairs and the like, we have fried Twinkies, which is interesting. And then there's a thing called a cow pie too, which is basically a fried pastry with some powdered sugar on it thrown for good measure, but it literally looks like a cow pie the way they pour them into the batter or into the frying, it's true. So how about a favorite kind of music or favorite artist, music artist Besides your band?
Speaker 2:I know you've got one, so you can't.
Speaker 3:My band when I came up it was all the rock and roll, elvis, beatles, this kind of thing. Then, in January of 1981, I heard a song called Amarillo by Morning by what we call in Texas King George George. Strait took a 1973 ballad from Jimmy Stafford and Strait's lead guitar player was the studio musician for Stafford at that time and brought this song to Straits from that San Antonio, san Marcos area in Texas. So he's a Texan. Well, stafford was from Amarillo and he was struggling trying to come up with some songs from Amarillo. And he was struggling trying to come up with some songs and he heard that there was going to be some really bad storms coming through Amarillo in the morning and it just kind of hit him that he sat down and he thought about this rodeo buddy of his that was struggling, had broke his leg in Santa Fe, had lost a girlfriend, a wife and a girlfriend along the way, and he wrote this beautiful ballad that really didn't do anything on the charts.
Speaker 3:And then Straight a lot of people think that was George Straight's number first, number one it wasn't, it went to number four, but it put him on the charts and ever since then I have really gotten into the country music and especially what we call the red dirt Texas music the Willie Nelson, I mean all the outlaws, chris Christopherson and Johnny Cash and so many of these guys that kind of paved the way for some of these up and coming and younger Texas songwriters. Being from Beaumont, texas, the home of George Jones, mark Chestnut, tracy Bird and Clay Walker. These are all really great country musicians that I've known their whole lives and so I really like the country side of things and still love the oldies. I just don't think there's anything that compares with the 60s and the 70s music.
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah, it's interesting. I have a friend who's a huge country fan and he used to joke all the time say you know, I like all kinds of music, I like country and I like Western.
Speaker 2:So we'd have a big chuckle over that one. But no, I agree. I mean, I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so there's a, there's a lot of stuff. I've got a playlist on my spotify that I listen to, called uh, 70s road trip, and every time I listen to things on there I'm like boy, we good music growing up, so and you know.
Speaker 2:I don't want to degrade the music kids are listening to today, because probably everyone thinks that. I'm sure my mom and dad thought that you know Bing Crosby and you know the folks playing with Glenn Miller and Artie Shaw. That was the best music ever you know. So it follows along with us. But I'm still going to fight for sixties and seventies. I'm with you. So how about? Do you have a favorite quote?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I do. Uh, especially when it comes to business. Mark Twain said it's not the people that don't know what they're doing that hurts you, it's the ones that think they know, know and they don't. That hurt you.
Speaker 2:Interesting. How have you applied that?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, I run into HR directors with my business. I run into business owners that think that they are the benefit specialists, that they know more than I do about certain benefits and health insurance and packages and things, and they don't. They're the ones that write the check and so sometimes you just got to say that's not going to work, that's not how it works, and you shake hands and you part friends.
Speaker 2:Well, isn't that interesting too. At the root of that, it seems to me, it's usually about arrogance and pride of some sort, because you can't. I mean, I'm regularly admitting, and maybe you know that's just the nature of my business, but I seem like I don't go through a day without going. You know, I'm not really sure I think I'll find someone that really does know the answer to that, rather than you know, making it up or pretending to be an expert and then giving someone wrong information. To me that's terrifying. I hate that, and we have a lot of experts these days. Right, look at social media. I don't know what these guys think, but my friend Carl here thinks that it's like what? Give me a break. So do you have a favorite dessert?
Speaker 3:Oh, it's got to be any kind of peach cobbler, cherry cobbler, anything like that, and I do everything that I can to avoid it. But if I go to Rudy's barbecue, a Texas chain that they just opened one, uh, here in Colorado Springs, but if I go to Rudy's I'm always going to get that peach cobbler, I don't care what it is and I'm going to eat the whole thing.
Speaker 2:Just bring a tray out, Just just leave it.
Speaker 3:I'll tell my wife you better hurry up and get a bike, because it's gone.
Speaker 2:Well, at least you're giving her fair warning. I mean, you know that's oh yeah, so she can't blame you for, you know, not letting her know there's no lack of communication at least. How about do you have a favorite thing you like to do, to just sort of chill out?
Speaker 3:Actually it's to work out Right For me. As I wrote in my book I chose live about me battling my battle with cancer and how I'm winning the war. I try every day to hit that elliptical, to hit the treadmill to. I lift on Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I row and swim. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, I play two different leagues and men senior baseball. I just like to be outdoors, I like to be active, and it just kind of takes me away from being told no, or getting thrown out of a business. No, I don't want to talk to you. You just get to a point sometimes where that hour or hour and a half for me is the best therapy that I can give myself.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, that was interesting, wasn't it too? With COVID. Right as COVID was hitting, my wife and daughter and I got a couple of rescue dogs and so, while everyone else was stuck inside, I had to go walking every night with those dogs and I couldn't walk them together because that'd make a preacher swear. With those two, I swear. But walking them separately was actually better, because then I got double the walk right, and I found that that I think you know in retrospect, had I not had that time to just get out in the open and, you know, walk along we live in a beautiful part of Wisconsin I don't think I would have survived as well and I would not have done as well. And you know, shame on me.
Speaker 2:I'm still walking, but your lifestyle sounds a whole lot more healthy than mine is right now Getting on the weights, getting on the elliptical, that stuff that I was doing earlier in life, and I let it fall by the wayside, and so kudos to you for that. Those are good words. I know you talk too about that in your lifestyle tips. You talk about that too with preventing cancer, that just having the, you know, taking care of yourself, doing things that are good for your health in general.
Speaker 2:How about last good thing, last favorite thing and I'll frame this in a way that I hope makes sense, but it has to do with your favorite thing that, you know, we're not even necessarily thinking of as our favorite thing per se, even necessarily thinking of as our favorite thing per se, but it's those things that come up in our lives where, when you hear a song or when you hear you know sometimes it's people saying a bird that sings or, you know, see a certain kind of plant that it brings them back to a time, a real fond memory, a real fond time in their life. And it's just, you know, no matter what's going on, it can be one of those grounding moments for you where you do you just have a sense of boy, thank you for that, thanks for bringing that, thank you for me being sensitive enough to see it and hear it. And, boy, that memory is just as wonderful today as it was when it first happened.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean after you go through cancer. My kids will tell you that my life is clearly defined of AC and BC. Ok, before cancer and after cancer and after cancer, I I think that I go back to really a much fun time in my life, which for me, was college. I mean being able to go to school to have just some of the most beautiful women known to mankind around you, to be able to go and play baseball and do the things that I was doing and just trying to again finding myself back then in such a much simpler time that I think I appreciate more now than I ever did back then.
Speaker 2:That's really interesting, this transition. I think, and one of the things I read of your background material, is that you said there are people that come through experiences like that for the better and there are those that do not. Do you think there was something about your journey or something previous to you having the cancer that made you predisposed to choosing the way that you went, which was to see every day forward as a gift and kind of that attitude of I'm going to appreciate things more because I almost lost it all, whereas other people are just like this is terrible that this happened to me and yeah, this is awful and gosh, I don't know what I did to deserve this or you know, whatever the kinds of things you read about.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, that's a great point, I think. I think that you have to. You have to have a purpose. Growing up, my dad was a coach football, baseball coach. He was my mentor. It was about. It was about discipline. It was about trying to be better today than I was yesterday. And then, as you move further into life, I really believe it's like when I was going through my cancer. I had people ask me did you ever think about giving up? Did you ever think about quitting? And I said never. And the reason? There was two reasons. Number one I had a six month old grandson that did not know who I was and I had not walked my daughter down the aisle yet. And so I know. Now I have three grandsons that probably wish they didn't know me, and I did walk my daughter down the aisle. She's blessed me with this beautiful five-year-old granddaughter.
Speaker 3:And I think a lot of times and I talk about this all the time in my talks and in really both my books about life is about choices. And you think about that great scene in Shawshank Redemption when Tim Robbins was talking about how Shawshank Prison was hell on earth and he'd only been there six or eight weeks and he was talking to Morgan Freeman, a character read that had been there for 40 years. He goes how could you stand this for 40 years? And Morgan Freeman said life is about choices. You either get busy living or you get busy dying. And when I talk to people, I ask them, I say I hope and I pray that you choose the same choice that I made, that you follow the same path that I followed. And that is that I chose live.
Speaker 2:And that's why I titled my book that it's interesting you mentioned Mark Twain earlier because it speaks right to what you're talking about. I think that Mark Twain has a book Gosh I don't know if I can remember the name of it. The framework of the story is this mysterious man shows up in a town, a really wonderful town. All the people love each other. It's a very peaceful, wonderful place to live, the kind of place everybody wishes they lived in. But he comes in with basically a treasure map and supposedly he has left different parts of that treasure map in different places throughout the town. And this all gets discovered through the course of the story and the. You know the course. People are looking for the treasure and the pieces because people only have a piece of things and they don't want to share their piece with somebody else because they might get an advantage on them. It just tears the, the whole community, apart. So what they thought was wonderful, it just becomes this, you know, war zone essentially.
Speaker 2:And at the end the guy comes back and he quotes Twain writes that. He says you know, they're wondering why did you let this happen to us? And he says well, you know, the weakest of all weak things is a virtue not tested by fire and I thought, boy, there is just a testimony to the reality that some of us ask and these horrible things happen. We say why, why? Why me?
Speaker 2:And the trick, it seems, is to be able to say, well, is it why, or is it? How am I going to get through this? What decisions am I going to make as I go through this and beyond this, because that's really the definition of our character. Is those decisions right? So you've talked about this, cause that's really the definition of our character. Is those decisions Right? So so you, you, you've talked about this. So you, you ended up having cancer, life threatening cancer, and you, you talk a little bit in some of the materials I read about your, your experience with that, that you were going for regular chemotherapy. It sounds like. So what? How was that? What was that like when you found out you had cancer, and then the ensuing treatment, what were the things that you did to keep your mind on track?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, I've never been sick a day in my life. Now I've had four knee surgeries and I blew Achilles. But that's all sports related. But I had made a life-changing decision related, but I had made a life-changing decision. Aflac gave me an opportunity to just pack up and move. I'd gone through a very, very serious divorce and AFLAC gave me an opportunity to move to Georgia and be the director of training and recruiting for the state of Georgia a tremendous opportunity. And I moved to Georgia, just packed up and moved to Georgia, didn't know anybody except the director of sales, and we just jumped into this thing and poured ourselves into the job for about six or eight months but I was having this continuous sore throat and, like most men and what I write about in the book I chose live is that stress is the silent killer and men don't get checked. Our death rate is 58% higher than women because, well, we know women are smarter but they go for, usually annual physicals and they get checked. We don't.
Speaker 3:I think about the great Toby Keith. I mean, I've been singing Don't Let the Old man In for about the last year and a half on all my sets, because I think that my theme song is that people ask me how do you do the things that you do? And I just tell them I don't let the old man in. And I think that that all relates to me going to the finally going to the doctor and she checks me and she says oh, it's just a sinus drain, don't worry about it, I give you some antibiotics and you'll be fine in a few weeks. So about five or six weeks later, I still have this continuous sore throat and I go back and she checks and she says look, I'll up the antibiotics for you. Well, all the antibiotics did was destroy my immune system. Now you have to understand. While I had a tumor the size of your fist at the base of my tongue, that was growing and if I would have waited another something like 45 to 60 days, it would have closed my windpipe and I would have been gone.
Speaker 3:On July 4th weekend 2013, I went into the bathroom and a lymph node had popped out the size of a golf ball on the side of my neck and I said, well, that's not good. So I took a picture of it. I sent it to my ear, nose and throat doctor in Austin, who's one of my best friends. I coached his son and he said you got to quit screwing around with the primary and go see a specialist immediately. So I forced my way in, got an appointment, saw the specialist. They uh I I'm sitting there and they did five needle biopsies on my neck. Now if you've never had a needle biopsy, you need to try that sometime It'll. It'll get your attention.
Speaker 2:On a Saturday night when you're looking for something to do. Right, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just have a needle biopsy in your neck. And anyway he said look, it's nothing, I'm not worried about you, you're in tremendous shape. Just we'll check back with you in a couple of weeks. Okay, well, I left Atlanta and I'd gone back. I'd actually got a condo in Chattanooga, tennessee. I had taken over a district in Dalton, georgia, but I decided to go across the border because Tennessee didn't have a state income tax. So I moved to this condo and I'd just gotten back home it's a two and a half hour drive and the nurse calls and said the doctor wants to see you tomorrow at 2 pm, all right. So I drive back to Atlanta the next day, two and a half hours, and he walks in and he says the three words no one wants to hear you have cancer and we're going to start chemo immediately and radiation immediately and we've got to stop this because it's growing exponentially. And you know, and obviously you should have come seen me six months ago and it wouldn't have been that big of a deal Well, I was told it was a sinus infection and so anyway, this was on a Tuesday, on Sunday seven days, seven nights in the hospital, chemo.
Speaker 3:I was off for two weeks back in the hospital. Seven days, seven nights they put in the port. I had 12 outpatient and I had 35 radiation treatments. And for anybody that has gone through any kind of chemo or radiation or cancer treatments, you know that you have some pretty good days and then you have some days that aren't quite so good. And I remember one beautiful summer afternoon I was out on my balcony in Tennessee, in Chattanooga, and the breeze was blowing. I was looking at the Chattanooga River and I felt this clump on my arm and I looked down and I had this big clump of hair laying on my arm and hair flying everywhere. And I took my fingers and I started going through my head and every hair on my head flew out.
Speaker 3:And it's about that time that the reality sets in, that you got a choice here, brother. You either get busy living or you get busy dying. And that, at that particular point, is when I said I'm going to force myself. I never took the elevator. I was on the seventh floor of this condo complex. I took the stairs and I'm going to tell you something there were times that I could make it up about three flights and I had to sit down, but I never took the elevator, I would walk to Whole Foods, I would walk to this little diner and these sweet ladies at this diner, I would just barely be able to eat. And the doctor said whenever you think you're finished, one more bite, take one more bite. And I would just barely be able to eat. And the doctor said whenever you think you're finished, one more bite, take one more bite. And I would finish, I'd get a waffle and I'd eat some of that waffle and I'd put it to the side and those ladies would say oh no, no, one more bite, one more bite. And you know again. You realize that again you have a choice. And you know again. You realize that again you have a choice. And the choice is, you know, I think about the great American philosopher Rocky Balboa, where Rocky says it's not how many times you get hit, it's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get back up.
Speaker 3:And I think, if you can have that kind of mindset, and I will tell you, when I first met my oncologist he said by the way, this is going to be a breeze for you because you're an athlete, you're used to discipline, you're used to setbacks and especially baseball. I mean baseball is a game of failure. You know, you're three for ten, you're in the Hall of Fame. If you're a quarterback, you go three for 10, you're benched. If you're playing basketball, you go three for 10, you're on the bench. And he said you're going to fly through this and my wife is a scheduler for chemo and radiation and everything for Texas Oncology, radiation and everything for Texas Oncology. And that's how we met. But she told me, she said you have no idea how serious that cancer really was because you just basically blew it off and just went through your life.
Speaker 3:And that's something that I really try to talk about and portray to other people. That again, it's not having any time and I relate it to baseball, like I wrote in the book, that life's going to throw you a curveball. Now you can sit there and take it, strike out, go back and sit down, or you can throw your hands, hit the ball the opposite direction and get on base. And my whole whole time I was growing up especially playing baseball, my dad could care less about batting average, it was about on base percentage, because if you're not on base you don't have a chance to score. And I always related my life to those singles and doubles and those base hits and how many times I could get on base. And that's how I try to live my life.
Speaker 2:You know, ed, I keep thinking as you're talking. I completely agree that. You know, our lives are about choices, and you know, choosing to live. You know, I think there are some people that are born and they choose to die, just about. I mean, you look at, from early on they're making choices that are just deathly choices. In theater we talk about Thanatos and Eros. The Greeks, even in their plays, had the deities of the god of death and the god of life, and there were characters that were motivated by Thanatos.
Speaker 2:But anyways, all that aside, it strikes me that there are people, though, that don't get that they are making a choice and when you confront them about, well, you're making this choice, they absolve themselves of responsibility for the choice. That is a negative one, because it's always somebody else's issue, it's something that happened to them, it's somebody that isn't giving them the breaks, and you know, sometimes it's you know God hates me that to that level, and sometimes it's just. You know I've been thrown so many bad throws over my life. You don't know how hard it is. You know there's so many ways to convince yourself that you have no choice, that you're a victim. I find it, as I'm getting older, it's harder and harder for me to respond to that mindset with compassion, because I get so frustrated that I get that life is hard. I get it. My life is hard too, but I'm choosing to make it better. I'm choosing to look at it better. If nothing else, how do you do that? How do you get yourself that you just go okay. Well, you're an idiot. Goodbye.
Speaker 3:Well, I think it's what you tolerate. I remember my mother was one of the greatest teachers that you could ever be around. My mother and father started the first private school in Beaumont, texas, in 1952, because my mother did not like the direction of pre-K, first grade, second grade in public schools, and she was a brilliant, brilliant teacher. But I got news for you she was the most negative individual you could. I mean you could say, wow, what a beautiful day today. And she'd go, oh, it's probably going to rain, you know. I mean I mean she was amazing and I found out later on in life that I wasn't going to tolerate that. And I promise you, I mean I go to. I might go to a chamber of commerce, a meet and greet, I might go to an event, a networking event, and if somebody starts, you know, bitching and complaining and whining, I think people think I've got a bladder problem because I just go. I got to go to the bathroom, you know, I just turn around and walk away. I just I'm not to put myself in that position because, like you said, I mean I'm 70 years old, I'm not. I just don't have the same sympathy for that line of thinking and I'm not going to allow myself to go down that path. And so you know, when I I tell this story with my bio, that I was the voice of the Westlake, austin Westlake Chaparrals, the home of Drew Brees, nick Foles, two Super Bowl champion quarterbacks, sam Ellinger, who's now with the Indianapolis Colts. My son was the 2000 Central Texas Athlete of the Year football baseball at Austin Westlake and I was the voice of the Chaparrals For 12 years. I did the Tom Warner cable football and then I did radio on baseball and my dad had come to live with us in Austin and I had moved him into an assisted living facility and it was the Shapp Classic.
Speaker 3:And my son was a sophomore and got moved up to varsity and this was going to be his first varsity baseball game. So I went to the assisted living complex to get my dad and the nurses said he won't get dressed and I went in and I said, daddy, what are you doing? I said you know, it's baseball, christopher's first varsity game. And he worshipped my kids. My daughter was very big and still is in theater and entertaining and and singing and any time there was a play or something he he would come from Beaumont to Austin and see her perform. There was a play or something. He would come from Beaumont to Austin and see her perform. Same thing with my son. And he said I just don't feel like it, I'll make the next one. And I said, daddy, I got to go, you know, I got to go set up for the broadcast. And I said I'll tell you what I'll do as soon as the game's over, I'll bring Christopher back and we'll just visit a little bit about his game, her back and we'll just visit a little bit about his game. And as I was walking out, my dad said son, make a difference. Okay, well, in my mind I thought it was because of me coaching kids and trying to help kids do better. A couple hours later, my daughter drove up to the game. Her mother pointed to the press box. She came upstairs and she said the nursing home called and Gramps is gone. And so the last words he ever said to me was son, make a difference.
Speaker 3:As I've gotten older, I think there's a much deeper meaning to that and that's the reason why I'm doing what I do today, because my whole focus is to try to help somebody and you know as well as I do with your podcast and everything. If we can just reach one person, we've done our job as a musician. If you can have one person that paid money to come see you play and they walk out of there and say you know what, that's pretty good. Well, you've done your job. And so I try to focus on the positive. I try to focus on making a difference and, more importantly, pay it forward.
Speaker 3:When I wrote my book A Random Act of Kindness that came from a short story from Chicken Soup for the Soul, that came from a short story from Chicken Soup for the Soul, and I took that short story, a true story that called a simple gesture from John Slater, and I just took that book and I embellished it and made it my own.
Speaker 3:And you tell the story of how a simple gesture, a random act of kindness, not just helped change a life, it helped save a life. And I think again that when I think we as a society, if we could come up with a couple of attaboys for somebody, if we could pat somebody on the back, if we could say that's not bad, here's how I can help you make it better, I just think that you know, my dad was a coach, but he was also a layman, a disciple of Christ's minister, and one of his favorite sayings was we've got to learn to love one another. And if we can't do that, how about at least we like one another? And if that's asking too much, let's just respect one another. And if we can do that, I think all of us would be in a better place, especially ourselves.
Speaker 2:Boy. Wouldn't that be a good lesson for our culture to learn right now. You know, as we become increasingly more hostile towards folks that don't believe or vote whatever the way we vote that we would just learn to be. You know what? What's Lincoln's quote about? You know, I don't like that person very much. I must get to know him better, so why not?
Speaker 3:But think about Lincoln. Think about Lincoln surrounding himself in his cabinet with his enemies. Yeah, I mean, he wanted that different point of view. He wanted to get all sides.
Speaker 2:To me that was more—he and Teddy Roosevelt same way had that vision that leaders today wouldn't even think about having yeah, we've gotten so accustomed to having, yes, men around us that, just you know, feed our egos and make us, oh, that's the most brilliant thing. Of course that's going to work, but you know, again, it's a virtue not tested by fire. So, yeah, I love the movie Lincoln because it explains some of that. The book that that's based on is about that that his whole methodology and surrounding himself with those people that were contrary to his thoughts, but it made him think more and helped him to crystallize his own beliefs better.
Speaker 2:Mike, we're running out of time, but I have to ask you one question because we've kind of been beating around. But I know mentorship is a big part of your life, a big part of your professional career. Obviously it's part of your book in a very deep way. What's your approach to mentorship? Do you have a sort of a guide plan or a playbook for mentorship that you think is just a sound way of going about it? Because, as wonderful, as somebody comes to you and wants to be mentored by you, that's a huge step forward, right? Because they're allowing themselves to be vulnerable enough to you to say I want you to mentor me, but then you know what you do with that, how you steward that as a mentor. There's got to be some nuances or things that you found general principles that you try to make sure you keep at the forefront.
Speaker 3:Well, I think it's just very, very interesting, because my kids, they're grown, they got their families, they're just doing great. And they will ask me a question and I will say, okay, do you want me just to listen? You know we need to talk to you. Okay, do you want me just to listen or do you want my opinion? I mean, do you want me just to listen or do you want my opinion? I mean, do you want me to solve the problem?
Speaker 3:It's the same thing with like, with this men's senior baseball. There might be one of my teammates that's struggling at the plate. Well, I've made my living for years on teaching hitting. I'm 70 years old, I'm playing in a 45-year-old and over league, but yet every year I'm either first or second in batting average and on base percentage. And so I will ask a player do you mind if I throw something out to you? And if they say, well, sure, I said now, look, I want to be sure, because I think you're dipping your hands. I think that you're dropping your hands and by the time you get up to the zone, you don't have a chance to catch up with the fastball. And that's just me observing. Now, if you want to, I'm going to be at DBAT Saturday at 12 noon. If you want to come, I'll be glad to get in the cage with you and work with you, no charge or anything, just if that's what you would like to do. And I got news for you. You'd be surprised the number of times they don't show up, and you know what. That's okay, because all I can do is lead you to the water. You know, dr Phil says you either get it or you don't. Now I think it's my job to help you get it All right. But my approach on any kind of mentorship is to say I have some ideas and or do you want to hear them? And if you don't, you're not hurting my feeling. I just don't want to just all of a sudden step in and start correcting your stance or correcting your hands or telling you that that's not the path that you should go on, unless that's the path you want to go on.
Speaker 3:I'm part of the church. One of my funnest things that I do is the prison ministry and I go into these prisons in Trinidad and Pueblo and Canyon City and I bring my guitar and I'll do a mini concert and just kind of get everybody in a good mood. You know, one of the funniest things though Johnny Cash Folsom City Blues. That that's the favorite song in the prison. Johnny Cash, folsom City Blues, that that's the favorite song in the prison. It really is. But anyway, you know, but I will. I will have these prisoners come up to me and I just listen to them.
Speaker 3:And then the last thing I say do you want my advice, or you just want me to listen? And you'd be surprised how many say I need some advice. And my advice is pretty simple. You made it here because you made some choices that weren't very good. Now you have a chance to correct that, make some choices that will help you with your family, to reconcile with your wife, to help you down the road, and that is up to you to make that choice. All I can do is throw out a few comments and a few ideas, but it's up to you, to you know. I mean I tell men all the time go get a colonoscopy, for God's sake. You're 55, 60 years old. You should have gotten it 10 years ago. Just go check, you know, and either they are or either they will or they won't.
Speaker 2:Well, now, that's fairly simple and yet profoundly difficult, isn't it? So if it were as simple as it should be, we'd all be getting along a lot better and think of what we could accomplish. That's the thing that gets me. If I get hopeless about anything, it's when I think about what's the old George Bernard Shaw quote. You know, some people see the world the way it is and ask why I dream of dreams that could be and ask why not? So it's Bobby Kennedy, kind of stole that, but it's really George Bernard Shaw. So us theater people will straighten that one out for folks. So, but, mike, I can't thank you enough. It's been wonderful talking with you. I'm sorry we didn't get going faster. Technology just wasn't our friend, I guess. But we made the choice to continue to try and I'm thankful for it. So appreciate your time. Mike Coy has been my guest. Mike is an author, he is a speaker, he is an Aflac dealer, member of that fraternity of insurance. Are you a broker? What would be the proper way to refer to that?
Speaker 3:I'm an associate, but with the financial planning I am a broker. I can write with many companies and do different things, Okay.
Speaker 2:I've been seeing the duck back there so I couldn't help but throw the Aflac voice in there. Sorry, the power of the duck baby. Well, I know people can get a copy of your book from, probably, amazon, kindle, wherever. Are there any other resources you'd like to direct people towards?
Speaker 3:Yeah, probably Amazon, Kindle, wherever. Are there any other resources you'd like to direct people towards? Yeah, if they would go to I chose livecom. I chose livecom. They'll find out more about me than what they want. But also they can go to Mike Coy speakscom slash gift. Mike CoySpeakscom slash gift. I've got Mike's 10 tips to prevent cancer. And then I also have chapter eight in I Chose Live, which I think is one of the most powerful chapters that I wrote in the book. So feel free to go to IChoseLivecom. You can reach me through that, livecom. You can reach me through that and you can also check out my two books.
Speaker 2:I chose live and a random act of kindness, and I have to wholeheartedly endorse chapter eight. It's just a couple of pages long but it is just densely packed with a lot of just good thinking, so I thoroughly encourage people to do that, mike. Thank you again so much. My guest is Mike Coy. You've been listening to Frame of Reference Profiles and Leadership. My name's Raoul LaBruche and I'm so glad you tuned in today. I hope you'll tune in again next week. Who knows what kind of inspirational things we'll be talking about then, but I hope it's as good as my talk today with Mike. Take care care all.
