Episode 2: Chiquitita

In this episode, I sit down with Chiquitita a drag ICON to discuss her life and her journey in drag.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 56:32 Affirmation
• 4:03:09 Rose & Thorn
• 15:02:16 Chiquitita
• 45:22:33 Reflection
• 47:43:00 Mo-Mintt to Obsess

Transcript

Unknown: 0:01

Hello, and welcome back to the moment of truth Podcast. I am so excited to welcome you back for Episode Two. This is the show where I invite you to take a moment to reflect and be proud of how far we've come as individuals, but also how far we have to go as a community. And I'm very honored to say that on this episode, you get to hear the conversation between me and the amazing, illustrious Lee talented chiquitita. And sitting down and getting to have this conversation was something that was really amazing for me, because I've seen her work for so long. I've seen her work since I was in college. And she has been doing and creating so much art and community that I really found it a beautiful discussion when we got to sit down and talk. So I'm very excited for you ought to hear the conversation that we had. But before we get into the interview, and I tell you what my Rosen Thorn is this week, I think it is very important that we all begin with an opening affirmation to just reaffirm the positive and loving energy that is going to be filling this podcast for the next one. Let's be real, our It was good to see but it's announced like let's just be real, let's round it up an hour. So we are failing this podcast over the next hour with positivity and love while you listen and you you take in some wisdom. So let's Breathe in through our nose and outdoor battles. Repeat after me, I'm deserving of every single beautiful thing in my life. And I am proud of how far I have come in my life's journey, and excited about the journey that is to come. Because everything I touch is blessed, and I am blessed by everything that touches me. I deserve happiness. I deserve love. And the world and my community is deserving of my love and wisdom. Now, I know personally, I feel so much better after doing that. If there's one thing that I've learned in this life, it's even if you don't feel good if you repeat, but you do enough times, even incrementally, even in the smallest amounts, you will feel a tiny bit better. Because it all begins internally all the things that we begin to feel and manifest. And so once we begin to put that energy out into the universe and out into the world, and begin to actually vocalize all of the things that we want for ourselves, that's when we begin to truly begin to make a change because we have to make the change in ourselves internally, then that will outwardly begin to manifest itself in our behaviors. Or at least that's what I believe it has worked for me in terms of overcoming shame, and I've overcome it enough shit and that's the world to know. Now, the final housekeeping thing that I need to do before I get into the roses and thorns is to let you know that as this podcast begins to come together more and more, I'm going to be trying out new music elements you know trying out new segments and just let us know what you like what you don't like what you want to hear more about. And as well in this coming week I'm going to be posting on my Instagram story just basically an open ended What would you like to see any segments you'd like to hear any topics you want me to cover in my story so that way I can get all of your feedback because I want to make sure that I create a podcast that not only reflects what I want to give but also what you all want to see so just let aho know now on to my rows and my forward now I actually kind of have multiple this week one is like a tangible thing. And then like the other one is like an existential thing and it's all just mainly be big it's all mainly because we have just been really processing and opening myself up to more and more pieces of myself and processing them and so the first is that I just got my ears pierced which was fucking amazing and I'm so happy I did it because just seeing these two little dot diamonds in my ears I'm like bitch even though of course we know these are not real because a bitch has what student loan debt Okay, so they are just cute little diamond studs with gold around them for now for like the next three weeks and then I can switch them out and I'm just so fucking excited because it's just one of those again, those euphoric moments of gender where I'm like, Yes. pitch, I look sickening pitch I love these. And as well on top of it, the moment I left out immediately, of course, that's when somebody immediately genders me properly. And I'm like, look at God, look at the universe. Look at everything shining down on me right after this moment, the trans gods are smiling. But as well, the second rose that I have is the fact that I've been creating art and just finding new things to create for actual fun and just enjoyment. And it's like one of those things where me coming out of my depressive hole and actually like, beginning to deal with life again. And being able to deal with life again, I'm actually at a point now where I begin to rediscover parts of myself that I hadn't realized I'd begun to let go of because of depression. And so I'm just like, finally getting back into that space where I'm discovering and enjoying myself again, and loving being with myself again. And not just being so self deprecating when I am by myself. And so it has been so nice to be able to look in the mirror and be like, just bitch, you look sickening, even though my body has not changed for the past six months after I put on my quarantine weight, which I'm like, I'm looking healthy, I'm looking thick with two seeds. And I like it that way. And so it has been such a beautiful moment of getting to really come out of my depressive hole. And I'm so happy. I'm just so honestly, that I just added another rose. Now, I'm so fucking happy at the fact that I gave myself the time to process my depression and deal with my depression in my own time. And in time, in terms of working and creating things, I'm so thankful for my community for being there and supporting my Patreon and being there to support my family with the GoFundMe, and with everything I've needed, because it has allowed me time to actually do something that I usually never have the time to do, which is just literally think about my mental health. And so it has allowed me to actually truly ride through this depressive episode. And I am so thankful for the way that I've handled it and for the care and consideration that I've treated myself to because so oftentimes, I don't treat myself to it. And so, yes, this is one of those moments where I'm patting myself on the back. And I have been just repeatedly saying out loud, just consistently like, and this is how I'm going to treat it when depression comes back again. And this is how I'm going to treat it if it comes back again, because I'm just reminding myself that this is the most healthy riding the wave of depression I've ever done. And yeah, I'm just proud of my growth. I'm proud of me taking care of myself. I'm proud of me taking care of myself for myself for the first time and not doing it because of a loved one who cares for me or doing it for my community. I was taking care of myself for me for the first time because I was like Jr, I like you enough that you motherfucking deserve this. And so I'm just yeah, I'm so thankful. So fucking thankful. And also so proud of myself for Yeah, for getting to this point, and for being brave enough to get to this point because it hasn't been easy. So yeah, that's a beautiful, beautiful bundle of roses. And yeah. Oh, maybe I'll buy myself some flowers later. I deserve flowers, saying roses and thorns got me thinking I deserve flowers. Yes, the fuck I do. But onto my thorn. It is. Honestly, there's a lot of things you can always pick out about life. That's like, not the way you want it to be not the way it should be not the way you would have it be. But if I had to pick out a sword it is I would have to say there's two. One is something that happened literally 10 minutes before I sat down to record this, which is there was a huge motherfucking daddy long leg that Okay, so we were friends being this daddy long leg became friends because it like to just park it in a corner. Luckily, my ceilings are high enough where they're not close to me. And I googled it and Daddy Long Legs. Their mouths aren't even big enough to bite me. I'm like okay, so if you can't even bite me or do nothing then like, okay, you're part of this ecosystem. I don't need to kill you. I'm trying not to kill nothing, you know, I just want to let life be and so it was in the corner of my room and then I was like, okay, you could stay there. Then it moved into my closet and I was like up you getting a little bit too close for comfort, but it picked a high enough corner out the way so I was like, okay, you just catching whatever is up in here in this corner. Okay, I guess. Then the bitch today decides to land and come like less than six feet away from my computer and destination and I was like this bitch doesn't even follow Corona. Social distancing in my own space. And so that was the moment where I was like, okay, bitch, you're not even like sitting still your legs and move in. I'm scared. I literally had to boss up and I had to really put on my Beyonce girl panties. Because I was like, This bitch is big. I know it can't bite me, I know what's going run, I know, I weigh over 160 pounds. So I'm like, this bitch is scared of me more than I'm scared of it. But right now anxiety is telling me differently. So I had to beat it to death with a wrapping paper, like empty roll because I just finished wrapping some gifts. And I am traumatized to it. That's part of where the affirmations from earlier on came from. Because I was like, I just need to remind myself that I'm not horrible for having to do this. It was literally way to me that type of thing where like, you just don't want any animal that's not yo Pat that close to you, period. It's just like, what are you doing in my bubble? So that is the first door and simply because I don't like killing anything that's living. Unless the road I wrote to them, like, hold up. Wait a minute, this is no. But when it comes to spiders, I'm like, oh my god. You're just trying to fend for yourself. You just out here living your best life. I'm sorry. So that's number one. And let's pour some out for our homie the spider. I named the spider Roger, mainly because I wanted it to go home but to its own home and not my home. But yeah, that was the first one for some alpha Roger, my second Thorn is going to be one that I think a lot of people will probably have down as a thorn for themselves as well. And that is the fact that the vaccine is going to actually cost motherfucking money. And a global pandemic, you still will need to have to find a way to pay for a vaccine in a global pandemic. I was literally motherfucking watching the news. And the news person is going to say that, oh the government got and haggle the price down to like, whatever the cost is, it's like 30 something dollars. And I was like, so you think that you have to suspend evictions literally try to pawn off $600 which does fucking nothing when you've already given us 12 $100 and we deserve $5,000 a month, let's be real. People say 2000. We deserve $5,000 just for the oppression. And black trans people need to be getting at least six figures a month for the oppression in the history of oppression that we have gone through. But that's a different soapbox in a different day. back to my original soapbox. So the fact that this vaccine costs money, when they have had to suspend evictions, they have had to do so many different efforts to just keep our heads above water, but not actually give us anything that we can actually use to thrive or to actually build our lives back. Because at the end of the day, no matter how many eviction moratoriums, they do until they actually wipe out the debt that everyone has accrued. Because no government that we pay taxes to has actually helped us out. The only hope that any black trans person I know has actually ever motherfucking had help from was black trans people. And I need everyone to truly look back at the history of this country. Just look back at the 2008 debt crisis where the only bailouts went to businesses. No person who actually lost their home due to the faulty lending practices actually got any form of help or money from it. They just paid off the bank so that way the stock market would be fine. But where people actually find where the black people who lost their homes actually find no they were not. Did they get any assistance from their government? No, they did not. And my favorite quote in the world, my favorite favorite quote is from a George seawolf play the colored Museum, where the quote goes, the only reason the Great Depression was as bad as it was is because white people have finally started living the way that black people have always been living. Literally, this is nothing new. The fact that there's a vaccine this quickly created and able to be safely used is a testament to the fact that when a society or a government cares enough about a situation, they will find a solution to it in a speedy enough time. And if they had cared enough about queer people in the 80s and 90s. To put this much attention to medicine, so many illnesses that affects so many disenfranchised communities could probably already have vaccines and cures having already been created if they had cared enough to put the money in the attention to actually helping the black trans community and every other marginalized community that suffers under American oppression. So that is my other thorn. So long story short, if you believe that health care is a human right, the vaccine should be free, not affordable. And now that I have a officially stepped off of that soapbox, I can now begin to introduce the amazing guest for this episode of moment of truth, the illustrious and beautifully tagged voluntad the icon chiquitita I am so beyond honored and excited to have you be a guest on this podcast. Because it is an icon knows how to do more than one thing at a time. And in a fully balanced breakfast right now and you'll try back at home. How are you doing? How's your day been? How's your week been? The week has been good. It's finally a week since I've moved out of Brooklyn. How does it feel? It feels really good. It's just like starting to settle like, okay, cool, like new life. Like, but the thing that does suck the weather has been awful the entire week. I think Brooklyn is crying that like you have left? I think so too. But you're just gonna have to get over it. Like, I'm just I'm just a train stop away. You know, like, it's not gonna hop over the river. Just a little scoot. Yeah, just like take the J pass. Hugh's Pass. Pass all the stops Marcy, and then you're in the same neighborhood as Beyonce. Do you know that Beyonce live in Tribeca? Yes, Beyonce is homeless. Like when she was in New York. It's in Tribeca. Wait, I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna show you. Mariah Carey's apartment. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Wait. Oh my god. Oh, I don't know. I don't know if you'll be able to see it. Hold on. Where it's okay. Wait. Wait, where is it? It's behind this gray building. Oh, it's back there. Yeah, up that way. I need a tissue in the Justin. I'm like, dying about Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey is my queen. Oh, like, all the way back there. It's like, it's like right behind that gray building. We stand her in every capacity. And oh my god. That's the that's the Pune right there. And she's like, yeah, she's like, all the way up there. Ah, when I tell you, just like Mariah means, like, everything to me. Rise the person. I didn't even know that about you until like two nights ago and you're like tweeting obsessively about Morag Harry. You're asking the public What is your favorite Mariah Carey song and everyone has an answer, obviously. So literally the highest charting like woman artist of all time to look at her discography it's even Wilder because like, it literally is like, lyrics music, completely lyrics. It's just Mariah Carey, like Mariah Carey writes all every, every single one except for one of her number one hit singles, which is 20 of them have been written by her which ones. The only one is a cover that she did for MTV Unplugged of I'll be there from like the Jackson Five. And literally, right. Only only that much of a boss bitch can have an MTV Unplugged single go to number one. Right? iconic, iconic. It's amazing. I was like, I've been like researching Well, you know, just because I've been very interested in like vocal training, just like in general. And so that somehow led me into the realm of like, octave and like opera singers, and like Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, like, and it's so interesting hearing Maria's voice kind of change through the years, but also I, I, I was watching this video and they mentioned that when she was pregnant, she like, sang better again. Which I was like, I didn't even think about the impact that pregnancy can have on your voice, which is I'm like, I need to get pregnant. Like, honestly, not inside, like not in me like, wow, I am ready for a uterus. I cannot wait until medicine is at that point. I'm ready for a uterus. I know. I know. I know. I'll be the first I'll be The Danish Girl. But I'll be the Brooklyn girl. Oh, but see, I will by the merge for that film. I'll be buying the poster. That Brooklyn girl. Yeah. And like right now. This is this is the opening scene right now. This is the opening scene to the Brooklyn girl. It's the Brooklyn girl just moved to Tribeca. Right. Have you seen Emily in Paris? I haven't seen Emily in Paris. But everybody has been talking about it. Also, I look so pale right now I just like realized that I look just like this. Which is crazy. Literally is that blue light? Is that right? Like what is going on? Now put blue light on brown girls. Beyonce said it Beyonce said it. Maybe if I step back that's why you'll literally notice all the lights in my in my room were like orange or like warm tone because I was like, I gotta work on my toes. Even whenever we are a webcam. I still like feel touched by golden light and I'm like, Okay. I'll take it I'll take it if God has given it now, do you have a favorite Mariah Carey song? Yes, honestly, I saw West comment last night All I want for Christmas but I like actually like for real like All I want for Christmas because it comes every year you know it's coming every year and this year also I read something about like all the pop girls are like trying to get out their Christmas albums slash tracks out now because they know that they won't. They won't charge you know, and it's true. And did you see the photo Mariah released of the of like, she's doing some like Christmas single. And it was a photo from her set. And there were three chairs lined up. Oh my god. Yeah. And j h i was like, the amount of belting that is going to occur on this song. Like Jennifer Hudson, Ariana Grande am Mariah Carey. I'm ready. She owns Christmas. Jennifer Hewitt, Jennifer Love Hewitt, in which case we might not Oh my god. We're not we're doing I will say Jennifer Love you. It was that woman who was always on CBS. But that goes show and I always wanted her boobs. Oh my god, it was so literally it was the most heteronormative go show ever because it's basically her running around in take tops with her big boobs. Like scared of ghosts. That's literally it. I'm in my car and I feel some spirits. Oh my god, squeeze the tendon. It's like it's sickening. it's sickening because I wanted to be her. I was like, she just gets to really just like talk to hot as ghosts and have big boobs. That seems like a fun life. What are like? Honestly, could you imagine being the person who met Casper the Friendly Ghost like the first time? Like, I wonder what that was, like, very spiritual. Literally, this is amazing. When I first thought about sitting down and talking with you something that immediately just like I was like, What would I want to ask her about? And I realized I was like, well, I honestly don't even know her story. Like, you know, like, you're a person who deserves a whole Wikipedia page about you, because you've done so much. You've accomplished so much. And you've impacted the community in enormous ways. And I don't even think you're 24 like, I'm planning to see like, like, like, literally, like, That's amazing. And like you just you deserve a fucking Wikipedia page where people get to actually know about like, what came into becoming chiquitita right with this with this baby. chiquitita look like in terms of like, like baby drag, but also like you growing up. So let's, let's dig in. And let's begin with where the chiquitita begin and you can take that from drag from your life wherever you want to take it. Okay, let me see. Where should we start? Because I feel like I've talked Okay, so I have my own podcast shows. Okay, if anybody wants to check it out. Oh my God, that's the plugs gonna plug lag. Also, we haven't been posting that much. It's me and baby love. We haven't been posting that much. But we really want to get back into it. But anyways, you have a following me? Oh, my God. But like, all we do is like talk about like life and like, the experiences that like drag performers in Brooklyn, and we bring them in and have them tell their stories. So I started doing drag. I dropped out of high school when I was I think 16 to start doing drive school in high school in New York. Yeah, I was born and raised in New York, in Queens. So I went from high school to high school, I realized that like, I literally went to four high schools girl like it was a mess. But yeah, I remember I got kicked out of the Harvey Milk High School on Astor Place. Because they were like, they were I was there for two weeks. And they were like, Oh, I'm sorry. But like, the kids are saying that you're really mean and you know, want to get along with them. And I was like, I'm, like, go to school. Like, I'm not here to make friends. You know? Maybe I'm like, baby, I got friends. I got friends. I'm good. You're my coworkers, you know, but um, yeah, I was like, You know what, like, whatever that was kind of when I was like, Okay, I'll I don't know what to do anymore. Because I'm like, trying to, you know, as a 16 year old you think you've got it all in the back. But I'm like, I'm trying to like figure my shit out. And like, I don't know what to do. Shortly after I discovered drag online and I started practicing looks at home and the first time that I went out was Halloween of 20 Oh, god, what year was that? 20. I want to say 14 Wow. Oh my god. Yeah, it's been it's been six years. I know. It's crazy, but you better work. I know. It's been. It was this like sneaking out of the house? After like you put on the looks of yeah. Oh yeah, cuz I was gonna say that I I remember the first times that I like starting to get into like anything queer was out like the moment I went to college because it was the first time where like, I knew I could be away from my family and like, like, I could fully express myself, like big the queers. I felt like I could go was like, by doing theater and being like, Oh, yeah, I'm doing theater. So like, if this was, but it's like, it's also like, well, it's a school, you know, like thing. So it's not gay. You know? It's like, fine. It's a part of the school program, you know, so you get anyway, it's really way for a lot of kids, I think for sure. But yeah, I kind of was sort of, I guess it was like that. I mean, I the first time that I got in drag, it actually wasn't Halloween, it was the month before in September. So September is like my drag birthday. And I was getting ready. And I was getting ready in my friends at my friend's apartment, and her mom was totally clueless me doing dry because like, I get it like she's a faggot. Like, let her do her thing. Whatever, right? She was very sweet. And so we went out, whatever I was like, in full like, like, very crossdresser I was wearing like, this black short for and just like, like pink top bra or something like that. Oh, my hair was like maybe up to here like the I'm here. And I had like this like black rim like which hat Florida Blue. And like a pink tutu and like these like black like a fishnet. Like it's because this is one American Horror Story. Kevin was on TV. So I was like, I want to be a witch all the time. Oh, cultural reset cultural reset. I know. Like, actually. And so that was the first time the second time was on Halloween. And then I didn't get back into drive until about like, April of 2015, which is where I met Asha at this bar. I know I met him and this is before drag race. Yeah, amazing. I literally never stepped foot into a bar until I was 21. I was like, that kid who was just I was just too scared to do anything. I was scared to like, make people mad. I was scared to like, break the rules. I was scared. I was just like, even though like even if you got a fake or something that went to a bar, they just take it. I'm like, I don't know what happened. I like I could show up into the next thing. You know, they're like, Oh, no, you go to jail. I was just anxiety out the wazoo. Where did that courage come from? That's terrain. Because at how old were you when this happened when you first stepped out? When I first stepped out, I think I was I think this was before my 17th birthday. Because it was an April. I think it was because 2015 I was born in 98. So I think it was before I turned 17 I feel like that makes sense. Yeah. And I think honestly, like, it just came. I've never had that confidence. Like as a child, I'm sure like you are familiar with not having confidence as a child because we're like, we feel like everything that we do is wrong. Because we're told that we're like, too gay. We walk too funny, we talk to you funny. We look too funny, all those things. And so you're just you're forced to be like, Okay, cool. So I'm going to try and be as conservative as I can call them, like, call them attention to myself. So I yeah, I've always had that. But when I was in high school, I started dipping my toes into a lot of different drugs and experimenting with a lot of different drugs. Specifically psychedelics, I was doing a lot of right before I started doing Dr. Which really helped boost my confidence, and my creativity and my mind, I just felt a lot more open after that. So that kind of confidence. I carried with me for a while and I still do but for that age to be like, I'm gonna do this and and it's actually really interesting because I was talking to someone I wasn't gonna hard flex but I was talking to Laverne Cox. Oh, that's the hardest, like hardest like, but I was talking to her and I was like, Yeah, like, you know, because I was very feminine. A child in high school like I was wearing leggings, tight. clothes, like long hair like that handbag as my fucking schoolbag like hoops, the whole regalia every day, and I never thought about transphobia because I didn't know that that's what it was at the time. I just thought I was very Gay. I never thought about being hate crime because I'm like, Well, I'm a child, like, Who's gonna actually attack me like, That's ridiculous. Right. And then now fast forward to all of the years of hearing about the trauma that our family goes through. It really puts you on guard sets like fear in your heart to walk out of the door, sometimes you know what I'm saying. And I never had that. I never had to worry about those things. I never had to worry about walking around at night looking the way that I did. And now fast forward to me being six years older. And it's something that I think about all the time. And it's, it's crazy, that means six years ago was not even thinking about that shit. And now it's like, you know, so in a way, like me as a 16 year old was a lot more confident than me, in where I'm at right now. Like icon boots, like that girl knew what she was doing. I love everything that you just said, because it one is something that I really personally relate to. Because I, I grew up in a household where like, my parents met through a drug deal, like my dad was selling, and my mom was buying. And like, my mom was trying to get around her local drug dealer to get to the bigger drug dealer to buy larger amount. So it was like, growing up, there was weed smoking, they like I never saw them do anything else. But like, there was other things happening. And for me, I literally was like, so terrified of like, upsetting anybody, or as well, like doing anything like that. So I didn't get into anything until college. And it was one of those things where like, I kind of went wild in college because of it. And no matter what, like, I feel like a queer person's journey is or a trans person's journey is it usually involves in some capacity, drugs, and just kudos to both of us for, for making it through that period in our lives, which was like, really beautiful, but also, in my personal life dangerous. And I'm just, I find myself being more and more thankful for the like, level out, like struck more mundane struggles that I have now, because I'm not doing like drugs consistently, where I'm like, Oh, I am like, this is this is the new version of Junior, and this is Junior evolved into who she is going to keep growing into who she's going to keep aspiring to be. And that brings me to do, what was your experience of like, as a person in the drag scene at like, the ages of 1617 and 18. As a trans woman who like whether or not she identifies as that yet, or whether it's like spilled water, I just like how was it as like a 16 1718 year old in bars and clubs, as a trans woman, whether you had the language for how you identified or not just like, exhibit, taking up space in these locations. And as well honestly, like, shining, like, of course, like shining way brighter than any of the CES people, or anyone else. Honestly, like, you, by taking up your space has opened the doors up for me to be able to take up space. Like, right and so what was that like for you at that time, because I was I was in a college in like a very privileged space. So I like I like I said, I like met Asha. And she was somebody that like graciously put me under her wing, either as a project or as an act of love, or both, or neither, I don't know. She was very sweet to me. And she helped me a lot with just feeling like I had a place sort of because, again, as I'm sure you're familiar with, we don't feel that a lot. And so being in those spaces, like TNT, or like I honestly like Don Pedro's or any of those spaces that like no longer are here or that are so here, but we don't longer really visit because we can't COVID being in those spaces at that age, it wasn't necessarily like a culture shock for me. Because I remember like my brother being like, Listen, like you need to be very careful. like these. These places are like really dangerous and whatever. Like drugs, whatever. I was like, baby, I like you don't need to worry about me like I'm fine. Got the T shirt. I'm like, I'm Okay, like I did the drugs, I just being in those spaces, I was like, Oh, I already did that, like now I'm here to, like, grow as a person as a drag performer and learn and take in knowledge that, you know, I'm picking up. So that was that was basically I kind of like, already at that age because of like sex work because of the drugs because of my experiences. I already fast forward in my consciousness and my growth as a person. And that's what I was gonna say it's very oftentimes as like trans women, especially as trans women of color. Like, I know that I've had to grow up tenfold in the span of like, years. Yeah, simply just because of the fact that like, I have so many different things that I am cognitively aware of. It's so many different traumas that I'm like, I completely I completely understand exactly where you're coming from. Exactly. And I I've found like in recent year, yeah, I don't know. It's, it's just crazy. I've had to fast forward. myself and I, I guess it was also like a form of like masking the fact that I was 16. So I would paint really hard. I would do like really big eyeliner, a huge lashes like big everything, like contract crazy up the wazoo, because I didn't want anyone to clock that I was such a child. Like everyone knew that I was young. But I never specifically told a lot of people that I was 1617 because I didn't want to not be in these spaces. I wanted to work, you know, I wanted to like be a part of something. And then it got to that. Yeah, exactly. And then somewhere between like 1819, people started to realize that I wasn't letting go. Like, I'm saying here, they're all like I'm this is I'm here, honey, like, deal with that. And I think somewhere between like, joining the cost of oops, and winning the semi final and Miss BK people started to recognize that I maybe am someone to keep an eye out for you know, and and ever since then I think I've, I've tried my best to let people know where my heart is that and what kind of person I am. Because that for me is first and foremost. In any occasion. You don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of you. Or you just don't want to you'd never know who you're talking to. You don't want to be a bitch to anyone. You shouldn't unless they try it. You know, but that's very rare. Truly, if they come in, they will find you can't poke the bear. They'd be surprised to the bears, man. You said that you have a brother? How many siblings do you have? I have one brother that actually just had a baby. So Oh my god, you're Tia. I'm a ti baby. I'm a TI. Oh, yeah, that child to have you in their life. So glad, so glad. But she lives in Virginia. So it's gonna be very rare business. family, my family's in DC. So I'm like, I feel you. Yeah. But I have one brother from both my mother and father from my mother's side. I have an older brother and an older sister who I also have a niece from and my niece is 16 now so what 17 I think she's 17 she's got to come see you. I now she's actually moving because they live in Florida. She's actually gonna be moving to New York when she graduates high school. She'll be there immediately. I know. That's beautiful. Yeah. And then I have like some younger siblings for my dad, but my dad, you know, you'd be fighting around. Like, move, move. Yeah. But I do have a younger sister, Amelia, who lives in Jersey and I've been getting closer with. So I'm the youngest of three. And I have two older brothers. And I always feel like I would have definitely had figured out the language from my transitus way earlier if I had been given a sister Bailey because it was like, I just had no youthful feminine energy around me. And I wonder what would roll that you being like, Well, I'm not sure when the birth order you are in terms of like number but whatever your position was, how did that influence you growing up and you become who you are. Um, so growing up, I I was like the baby in the house up until about, like nine or 10 because my parents started splitting up when I was around seven. And then my dad had another child around when I was 10. So yeah, growing up I was like my I feel like my siblings for a very long time resented me because I got everything. I got all the attention because I was the baby, I got all the love, I got all the gifts, I got all the praise everything. But I was like, I'm Oh yeah. But that was I remember, I remember a bit of that. And then, like, I feel like the memories that you hold the most are like the traumatic ones and the ones that like, really shape you to be who you are. So all of those things, I don't remember a lot of those things. And but what I do you remember the most about my childhood is like my parents divorce, and how that impacted me because it kind of like, led me to this really astray, like not wanting to go to school not wanting to eat not wanting to do anything. And that was for like three years. So it's a very long time for a child, you know, to like, go to court and like, yeah, figure out what parent you want to live with, and all those things. So that's the stuff that sticks with me the most. And it's so fucked up. Because for all the years leading up to that I had all this I had a great childhood. And then the things that stay with me the most are the negative thing. Which I think is is true for a lot of us. I think that's why a lot of people probably think that, like, they have like an insane growing up, but it's a lot of it, I think has to do with that memory. When you're when your brain finally starts to expand and, you know, and and create a personality, those that age is usually like very dramatic. Like 789 10 1112 like, it's just very, like, there's a lot going on for you. But yeah, so my upbringing was, was both gray and and then the thing that has stuck with me, I've been very like kind of which has shaped me, you know, so Oh, I like everything that you said. It's so wild. Whenever people tell me their story. It is it I relate to it so much. Because literally I'm like, my dad left when? When I was 10. And man, like, just like you said, like my childhood before that was like, Yes, we didn't have that much money. But literally, it was yours. Never know, like, literally, yeah, that's it for me, in my opinion. When it comes to kids, kids, literally, they just need love and support. And like the rest of the trains in transition, and just help them learn the language of how they're feeling. So that way they can express it. And it was one of those things where like, after, after my dad left it was so it was such a like, immediate shift because our house started to go into foreclosure. And so immediately we were then like, where are we going to live. And then on top of it, we lost a different like a whole stream of income, my mom had to start working all of the things. And it was through all of that, that like I can't I have such a hard time remembering my memories from before I was 10. Because it's literally like, Oh, my mind was taken up. Like so much of my mental space was taken up with the events occurring with this one thing and everything that preceded it succeeded it. And it makes me it makes me remember that one, there is more to me than I even remember. And that it's my goal to keep digging at that and to keep discovering all the pieces of myself that I've forgotten. But then on top of it, it reminds me that nothing happens for like a reason like trauma and shit doesn't happen for a reason. It's an I don't think it's like it happened to somebody for a reason. But I do believe that it can become in a positive way something that can build you to be something you are. And I like to think that it like my dad leaving truly truly, truly taught me that I am all that I needed to survive, like everything that I need, because the most traumatic thing that I could have ever imagined happening, which was like one of my parents choosing to leave me not like dying or anything like chose to walk out and go live their life somewhere else. And realizing that like oh, I made it through the most traumatic experience I could have ever imagined at 10. And so there really isn't a single goddamn other thing that I will allow to stop me from succeeding. And that thought has been the thing that has got me out of my house and clothes that made me feel comfortable. That got me wearing skirts that got me wearing heels that got me wearing things outside of drag. And it this is exactly what the podcast is about. It's about the fact that like, who we are something that is some. It's it's so diverse. It's so dynamic. And oftentimes we don't get that chance to actually share it or express it with people in like in truth. comfortability and support and acceptance. And I think the bravest thing any motherfucker can do is be true to who they are because we our lives, our couture, our lives, our custom, our lives, whatever happened again to anybody else. And it's something to treasure. And yeah, you're just, I'm so thankful that I'm talking to you. And that was my interview with Chiquita, I am so thankful that you all got to hear the amount of wisdom that that woman has the amount of lived experience the amount of lessons that she carries around with her every single day, and she is in your community. And she is well in our global community because she is not only just a star, but as well an innovator in her craft. And I'm so so beyond thankful that I got to sit down and get to know her a bit better, because seeing how our lives overlap and intertwine in so many different capacities is it just, it makes me so happy. And the most beautiful of ways, because as well, something that truly resonated. And I've been thinking about ever since we spoke was her saying how the memories that we usually hold the titles of the most traumatic ones. And it caused me to do a bunch of soul searching because I started thinking about a lot of the memories that I held when I was a little kid. And when I think back and I realized I had held most tightly to the most traumatic ones. And it was then that that helped me honestly Get out of my depressive hole mainly because I begin to process the memories and begin to see how me holding on to those memories has affected my behavior as an adult, and how it's affected the way that I move and things that trigger me as an adult. And I didn't it was I loved learning that about myself because I love uncovering the pieces of myself that were just there and dormant. And I just had no idea. And I guess not really dormant, just active the whole time just, I didn't see or smell the smoke. And I'm so thankful for that conversation with chiquitita. Not only that, you all got to hear it, but as well, because I got a piece of her wisdom and that wisdom positively affected my life the same way. I hope that there's some piece of wisdom that she took from our conversation that is really helping her out now on her journey and her life. And so yeah, I'm, I'm so thankful for that conversation. As I reflect on, I'm happy, I'm happy that I got to have that conversation with her especially because I also kind of feel like she's on the precipice of even more greatness in her own life. And I'm so excited to hear about all of her successes. And so yeah, many blessings on chiquitita many, many blessings. And now to finish off this episode of moment of truth, I would like to just finish with a new segment that I've just created that I'm hoping I'm hoping you will like and vibe with. And I'm hoping that I continue, which is called a moment to obsess. I'm going to be going through five things that over this past week I've been obsessed with and tell you a little bit about them, why I'm obsessed with them and why you need to be obsessed with them. Okay, I'm always finding a brand new thing, a new article, a new device, a new something, a new series. And I'm always just obsessed with something and then I move on to be obsessed with something else. And then I'll circle back around and when the same artists released another album all obsessed again. And honestly, I think that's kind of a deep rooted thing. And queerness is like the pop culture obsession. queer people love to obsess the same way we love to obsess over Lady Gaga or any like queer icon, we just love to obsess over something. And so let me obsess over these things, and you can obsess over them too. The first thing is definitely gonna have to be Star Trek discovery. I'm not sure if any of you are into sci fi. But if you are, this is like probably one of my favorite TV shows have ever watched. It is especially this season that it's really taken off into a new height. It is, of course Star Trek. So they're going throughout space, having missions exploring, asking deep humanity questions. But the thing about Star Trek discovery that's amazing is that it's like very 2020 in terms of the fact that it's not as slow paced as the 80s in the 90s. One, this one is actually like, oh, they're action sequences. And then we're asking deep rooted questions about what does it mean to be family? Do we have obligations to one another as family? What does family mean? What does chosen family mean? And it asked these beautiful deep question that just makes my heart so happy because it reminds me that these are the questions I was growing up learning and ingrained into me as I was growing up because I love Star Trek. And then on top of it, I'm thinking there's so many generations of people watching the Star Trek now who are learning to ask deeper questions other than the one society teaches us to ask which tend to be very superficial just simply because if you keep a superficial society going And usually we just feed into the idea that we need more consumer goods and into being a capitalist mess, aka America. But again, another soapbox back to Star Trek discovery, as well with this season, they have two trans characters, one non binary and one a trans man. And not a single piece of their role has anything to do with their identity. But you do get the beautiful delving into who they are as people just as characters on the ship, and it makes me so happy to see that the show that I grew up on that taught me so many of the like, loving, kind, understanding ideals that I truly hold closest to me and the ideals that I shared through my Instagram and through all my art. That's all stuff that I learned from Star Trek and to see them incorporating my community more and more into Star Trek makes me so happy because they're doing it in such a such a compassionate, kind, caring way. And it makes me so happy. It makes me so happy. And I've watched so many interviews with the two cast members, because their stories are big on the set, and getting to stand in rehearsals and getting to actually read the script and delve deep into it. And actually being able to find so much nuance in the script. I was like, it made me emotional because it felt like there's so many people who are in my community who don't have the experience of picking up a script, and having it be something that is actually accessible for us. Because so many times we have to shift our lens to try to see it through someone else's viewpoint and it makes me so happy to see this writing to see this casting because mind you Star Trek did tackle gender as a topic in their 80s next generation series, and that also was amazing for the time and still holds up today. It's I recommend that's why I love Star Trek Star Trek is always compassionate, kind and as well, always angling on the side of compassion, just always on the side of humanity and caring and it makes me so happy because so our society doesn't teach that our society teaches you callousness and rugged individualism, and all those other stupid white colonial concepts. You know, social Darwinism, and all of that bullshit. But long story short watch Star Trek discovery. It is literally on CBS. You can get the free CBS app and like literally get the free trial and everything and you'll be able to watch it. it's sickening. And also there's also a Star Trek lower decks, which is an animated series from the creators of Rick and Morty. It literally is one of the best animated shows I've ever watched. It sounds like I'm just saying all of the Star Trek is all the best I've ever watched. But there's a reason I'm a Trekkie, because it holds up and my kids will be watching Star Trek when they grow up know that. Now, my second thing that I want to tell you about is the fact that Rihanna is going to be releasing a cookbook, and I need us all to cohesively agree that while it is not an album, we do all want to taste whatever Rihanna is cooking. I think we can all agree that we want to hear and we want to see with the bag galaxy. Now I want it to come with the album. Tell me that wouldn't be the dopest thing in the world if we are to drop her cookbook and an album at the same time. I would be eating some lemon pepper chicken wings. While I am twerking to her beats. That's what I want. But I needed to also go by the cookbook. I know I know. It's not the album, but we all need to go support our bad gal. Okay, we need to go out and support Ron and I am so excited about it. I'm honestly like, that's the type of thing that makes you want to do like your own cooking series. It's like let's just go one Rianna recipe to the next. And so that is the second thing I'm obsessed with. And the third thing it's probably probably my favorite. No it's not my favorite episode of Star Trek as a favorite but it's a close second. So it's second on the list rionda cookbook will be third but this on the favorite list is to it is Chloe x Halle, everybody needs to keep streaming ungodly hour we need to pray for the Grammys because we know they're not good to our people. They're not good to us. And so I need us to pray for Chloe x Halle because that album in my opinion, is one of the best albums that has been released over the past decade. I will stand by that statement because Chloe x Halle with the vocals, the writing the seamless harmonies, the the multiple instrumentations like the are just their next level in my opinion, they are going to be the next biggest act in my opinion. Like I just I can't put into words how shut that out but makes me every song is fire. There are no skips and so long story short, Chloe x Halle I am obsessed. If they want to send me merge, I would take that shit in a minute, baby, huh? Watch. I was about to say maybe I should invite them on this podcast and I was about to say, Oh, well, no, that's way above my paygrade and I was like a junior. You will not limit yourself for this day. We are shooting for the stars. Okay, we are literally shooting for the two biggest stars. We're shooting for Chloe x. Halle watch. I am speaking it into existence. I guarantee you on this podcast, you will see Chloe x Halle as a guest in the future. I can't give you a date. But I can tell you it will be coming. So hold tight for that. But I would like to say thank you so much for listening to another episode of The moment of truth podcast. And as the show comes together, I'm so excited for you all to go on the exploration and the journey within our community. As we talked to more people, and I get this podcast tighter and tighter and tighter. You know, I was very hesitant about starting a podcast is because I'm not a sound editor. I'm not. I'm not used to the technological element of putting like podcasts together. And so right now I'm just very excited and very happy and thankful for every single one of you for listening, for sharing for subscribing, because I can say absolutely that I am getting so much joy from creating these sharing these and recording these. So just thank you again, and I'll be seeing you all in the next episode, where our guests will be the one and be only sweaty Eddie. So get so excited for that conversation. We went on so many different tangents they're gonna friggin love it. So thank you and I will see you in the next episode. Bye beautiful