Life, Cancer, Etc.
Life, Cancer, Etc.
I Need to Take My Own Advice!
Most Sundays, I take a drive along a canal near our house and count the alligators. This week, I recorded the podcast in the car on that drive. I've had a breast biopsy and surgical urothelial check in the past 10 days, so I've been a little wiped out. But these experiences were -- again! -- a great illustration that I need to take my own advice and give my body time to rest & heal.
NOTE: I am not a medical professional. Everyone on the "Life, Cancer, Etc." podcast is sharing their own experiences, not giving medical advice.
Photo ©2021 Heidi Bragg
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I'm Heidi Bragg and this is Life, Cancer, Etc. My goal with this podcast is to connect you with stories and resources that help you feel happier, more resilient, and less stressed, especially when you're going through hard times. Today I want to talk about how I'm guilty of not taking my own advice. I had surgery last week to check for recurrence and regrowth of the urothelial cancer I have. And it took a lot more out of me than I expected it to. It hasn't taken this much out of me in the past, but I've just been kind of exhausted all week. And I had a lot to do at work. And we had a late day at work on Friday because we're interviewing to add a member to our writing team. And I just didn't give myself enough time and space and mental space, frankly, to kind of recover from the surgery. And as a result yesterday, when I normally post podcasts, I was just exhausted and I didn't want to do it. And I fought with myself for a long time because I felt bad about not doing things on schedule. And Kev was like, babe, you're tired. Just go to bed. And I finally did and decided I would just post a podcast this morning. But here's the deal. I get really frustrated with myself when I can't operate at the level I feel I should be able to operate at. And especially after cancer, that level is different and it's different often from day to day. And there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of rhyme or reason. And I'm always really good about telling other people to give yourself time and space to recover, listen to your body, et cetera. And I'm not really good about taking that advice myself sometimes. So this is a mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa, because this is totally on me and it's something I really need to do. I mean, this is what, seven years after getting diagnosed with my first cancer and And I'm still at times not taking my own advice and trying to push myself in a way that's not healthy. So my first tidbit of the day would be actually take the time to let your body recover to realize that recovery is not always going to be the same length for any particular procedure because it depends on a whole lot of different factors that are going on in your body. and to really listen to what your body's saying and take the time you need to heal. So on the good news front, I had surgery Monday of last week. They found no visible evidence of cancer, which is wonderful. There was no visible regrowth. And they sent, when they do a surgery like that, they also kind of wash it out with fluid water and then they send the fluid that they collect afterward for analysis and so they'll send it to cytology and the pathologist will go through and double check that there aren't any random cancer cells like at the at the cellular level not just something they can visibly see but like actual little cells growing in that area so we haven't gotten that report back but I was grateful to hear that there was no visible regrowth. And that's been, I think, since they took it out a year, a little over a year ago, the first time they checked it, there was dysplasia, which means abnormal cell growth, not cancer, but weird cells, which can often turn to cancer. And then the next time they looked at it, there was No issue. The tissue looked beautiful and clean, and it's been that way ever since. So I'm very grateful for that. But, you know, it's always stressful. It's part of the monitoring. Once you've had cancer, like Kavita, Dr. Kavita Jackson was saying in last week's episode, once you've had cancer, you're always a cancer patient, quote unquote. And you have to do monitoring and you have to keep up with a lot of checks and just to make sure that things are going all right. But that's the best way to, I would say, promote, not necessarily ensure, but to promote long-term survival is to make sure you're doing those checks so that if something happens, they can catch it and they can catch it early when it's more easily treatable. So there's all this stress around these quarterly surgeries I have to check for the urothelial cancer. And in addition, the week prior to They did a mammogram and ultrasound because I had a weird spot on one breast, inside one breast. And I ended up having to come back for a needle biopsy. And I mean, I'm getting better at handling these things where you're sitting there nervous because they're going to do testing and afraid of the what if, what if, what if. But I'm getting better slowly at looking at these as kind of like car maintenance. Like every so many miles you go in, you get things checked. Yeah, sometimes there's something wrong that you have to deal with. Sometimes it's just basic tune-ups. But you have to do those checks to keep your car running and in proper condition. And it's the same for your body. And it's... I don't know... I'm getting better at not looking at those as frustrations and big scary things, but as just part of normal maintenance. And I have to do cardiac MRIs every quarter and PET scans every quarter. But because we do those checks, we catch things early. Here's an example. So the urethelial cancer is located in the ureter. which is the tube that runs from your kidney to your bladder. And mine's right at the base of my right kidney. And when I had done a PET scan in December of 2019, it's hard to see urothelial cancers on a PET because they give you this radioactive glucose solution. They inject it intravenously. It runs throughout your body and you excrete it or get rid of it through peeing it out. So all of that radioactive marker is going to be going through your kidneys anyway. So it's not like it's going to show one specific or discrete area of trouble very easily because all of this radioactive dye is washing out. It just looks like a bright colored, just bright colored stuff moving through your kidney, your ureter and your bladder and your urethra, all of that. So, um, they saw, but they did see something that looked a little off because I had done this PET scan. Everything with my heart was fine, which is the cancer we were doing it for initially, but they saw a weird spot. So they had me do another test that's specific to that area and they were able to see, yep, there's a mass there. And then due to the size and the shape and the placement of this particular mass, the genitourinary oncologist said it is unlikely that we're going to be able to get this with a laser. And what they do is they go up through your bladder, your ureter, with a scope to check things, with a laser to burn it off if they need to, But that's how this procedure is done. So they don't have to cut you open. Like I didn't have to do another full abdominal surgery. But at the time, we thought that was probably what was going to happen because of the size again, the size, the shape and where this tumor was placed. So I went in for one of these procedures, like the one I had last week, and we thought it would just be for them to kind of see where it was and figure out what they would need to do in surgery. But the doctor, Dr. Spies, he's great, cracks me up, really nice guy, said, I'm going to have the laser guy there just in case. I just want him, I'd like to have him standing by if there's any chance we can get this without, you know, having to open you up. And I woke up from the anesthesia and Kev was there and he goes, babe, they got it. They got it. And they were able to get it with the laser without having to do another huge surgery. And I was so, so grateful. Sorry. Because I had, when I had colon cancer, I had three major abdominal surgeries in a 53 week period. And, you know, it saved my life, but it also caused pain. there have been a lot of health challenges around that because your body just doesn't work the same way anymore. So I was incredibly grateful to not have to get another abdominal surgery. That was a huge blessing, huge blessing. And a large part of that, I believe, is because we were doing this screening we needed to do when we needed to do it so that this was small enough that he could get it out with the laser. If it had been larger, I don't think there's any chance we could have done it without opening me up all over again. So, you know, I hope that's a cautionary tale for please keep up with your screening, do the testing you're supposed to do. If you haven't had cancer, great, but follow the guidelines for getting a colonoscopy or getting a mammogram every year or doing testicular cancer checks, do whatever it is that is, um, is recommended for you at your age, given your gender, etc., to do your very best to catch things early if they're going to come up so that they are more easily treatable. And I hope that these podcasts help you realize that getting told you have cancer is not an automatic immediate death sentence. And I think that's kind of how it felt to me when I first got diagnosed years ago. That fear of death was very, very prevalent because the three people I was closest to who had cancer had not survived their cancers. But I hope... I'm here all, you know, all the other people we've interviewed that have gone through this process. We're here to tell you that you can do it. You can have good quality of life. It might be different than before, but you can have a good quality of life. And whether or not you're a lifelong quote unquote cancer patient, like Kavita said, there are still ways to contribute to the world, to find joy, um, to make meaningful contributions and create meaningful relationships with other people, even in the middle of dealing with cancer, or even when you're done and you're just doing the monitoring and you have to deal with that stress of getting things checked all the time. It's just another thing to do. It's just another thing on the list. Everybody's got their stuff. This is what my family and I have had to deal with, but there are other things we've had to deal with. And we have other friends that have issues they're dealing with that seem so overwhelming to us. So I hope this gives you, I don't know, a little bit of hope, maybe a little bit of perspective. It's helping me doing these. It's helping me with perspective for sure. And I would encourage you again, please take care of yourself. Get the checks done that you need to get done. Give your body space and time to heal if you're in the middle of this. Cut yourself some slack, be kind, et cetera. And even if you're a caregiver, there's a lot on you as a caregiver too. Please take the time you need to rest and recharge so that you can be healthy yourself and be there for the person that you're supporting through this process. As you go through your week, please find someone you can do something nice for. Make their world a little bit better. And then as you do that, count your blessings and make it a really great week. Thanks a lot.