Life, Cancer, Etc.
Life, Cancer, Etc.
Nonsmokers Get Lung Cancer, Too, with Bethann and Shawn Rapp
Bethann Rapp is a nonsmoker, so getting diagnosed with lung cancer at age 50 was a shock. In this episode, she and her husband (and my friend), Shawn, talk about their experiences and how the last year has gone. They also have a son with special needs, so that's required some careful maneuvering throughout Bethann's treatment.
NOTE: I am not a medical professional. Everyone on the "Life, Cancer, Etc." podcast is sharing their own experiences, not giving medical advice.
PC: Shawn & Bethann Rapp
Keywords: lung cancer, spouse with lung cancer, chemo for lung cancer, radiation for lung cancer, parenting a special-needs child during cancer treatment
You can also find some episodes on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/LifeCancerEtc
I'm Heidi Bragg, and this is Life, Cancer, etc. My goal with this podcast is to connect you with stories and resources that help you feel happier, more resilient, and less stressed, especially when you're going through hard times. Today, my guests are Sean and Bethann Rapp. Sean and I have worked together for a Oh gosh, I don't know, Sean, how long now?
SPEAKER_00:Seven years? It's got to be at least seven or eight years, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And Sean's wife, Bethann, recently went through a bout of lung cancer. And so I wanted to get them on to talk about their experiences, both because we haven't had somebody on who's had lung cancer and how that might be different from some of the other experiences you may have heard, and also just I just like hearing other people's perspectives on how they got through things, how their support person did things, tips and tricks, et cetera. So thanks so much you guys for doing this. Welcome. Yeah, you bet. Okay. So why don't you start with a little bit about how you guys met and got together and then let's talk about, um, after Bethann got diagnosed and how, how that all came about.
SPEAKER_00:Sure. You bet. Um, actually it was kind of interesting because, um, I had been divorced for a little while, and I decided to try online dating, and so I signed up for Christian Mingle, and probably been on there for a few months, and saw Beth Ann's profile, and I thought, oh, she's really cute, and so sent her a little ding to say, hey, I like your profile, and we decided after conversing for a little while that we would get together and meet, and I think the first date was right around Valentine's Day, I think. Wow, way to
SPEAKER_02:set the bar high, Sean.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Dude. We met at a neat little coffee place and just had a lot of fun. And over the next year, we continued to date. And I drove up from Sutherland to Springfield to see her, and I spent time with her. And then a year, almost a year later to the day, I proposed to her at the same place we had our first date.
SPEAKER_02:Wait, did you propose on Valentine's Day too?
SPEAKER_00:No, actually it was a day before. I think we were celebrating Valentine's Day and I proposed the day before. Nice. But yeah, it was just kind of neat. And then we got married in August, about six, seven months later, something like that. We've been together for five years now.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_00:Married
SPEAKER_02:for
SPEAKER_00:five. Married for five. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:No, that's awesome. Yeah. Always trust the wife on the dates. I'm just going to say that's 99% of the time. You guys, Bethann's son Daxton lives with you guys, correct? Yes, he does. Yeah. And he's the official back rubber as far as we're concerned, because he'll come in during zoom calls and he's always like rubbing Sean's shoulders and his back and stuff. And it's really sweet. Yeah. He did it today too.
SPEAKER_01:I think before
SPEAKER_02:this, That's cute.
SPEAKER_01:In hindsight, I thought that maybe it had been COVID because that was right when COVID was coming to light. And I thought maybe that the cough was just lingering from that.
SPEAKER_02:Which we all do. These days, you don't know what's what. If you've got a runny nose, if you've got a cough, if you've got a headache.
UNKNOWN:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And so I just kind of, you know, I went in for a checkup in June of 2020 and the cough was still kind of there. And I remember mentioning it to my doctor. I'm like, yeah, I have this little cough. I think it's just leftover from that bad cold I had in January. And I figured, you know, she did a checkup. She listened to my lungs. She didn't say anything. She seemed kind of fine. frazzled at the time. And I thought she's probably really exhausted from all the COVID patients. And I honestly just wanted to get out of there because I'm like, you know, COVID was running rampant at that point. So I wanted to get out of the clinic. And so I'm like, okay, good, we're gone. You know, I'm out of here. And, and then I, you know, it was still kind of the cough was hanging on for a little while. And I was going back to work in September, but I work as an educational assistant with life skills kids. And so I was a little bit worried because I thought, you know, this cough can really start interfering with my work. And so I went online to schedule an appointment to have it checked out because I thought, yeah, I just need to be able to sleep. I need to figure out why I'm coughing. Yeah. And I couldn't get an appointment until like December. And I thought, well, this is kind of ridiculous. But I thought, well, I'll just keep the appointment because you just, you never know. So I just kept the appointment. And then when it got closer in December, I thought my cough was getting better. And I think my appointment was actually December 23rd. I thought, you know, I'm busy. Christmas is in a couple of days. I don't have time to deal with this. And I canceled the appointment. And then a few weeks later, I was talking to my best friend on the phone, and she had commented several times on my cough. I said, yeah, I think it's just allergies or something. I don't really know why I keep coughing. And she said, okay, I know you keep telling me that, but I want you to see your doctor so that you can tell me that your doctor said it was nothing. And I said, okay. That's a good best friend. I know. Great best friend. I've known her since I was 12. And so I said, okay, so... I called, or no, I think I emailed again, and I emailed my doctor, and I said, I've had a cough for a while now. I would like you to order a chest x-ray, and I want to schedule an appointment with you. So she said, sure, no problem. The chest x-ray was just a drop-in basis type of thing, and so I had an appointment scheduled with her. I went a couple days later to have the chest x-ray done after work, and And actually, I'd been joking with my coworkers about it. I'm like, okay, guys, I know I'm coughing like crazy. I said, it's not COVID, I promise you. But I'm going to get a chest x-ray today just to make sure everything's fine. And so I went after work, got my chest x-ray. And I think it was, well, I guess when I had the x-ray, I kind of had this weird feeling because I had worked in radiology in the clerical part for a long time. And so I kind of know, excuse me, how things work. And when the technician took the x-ray, she was professional. And I think probably nobody else maybe would have detected it, but I just felt like I got a vibe from her. She's like, okay, well, they'll probably be calling you tomorrow or the day after. And I thought, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If it was not They always say, if it's
SPEAKER_02:something, you know, if there's anything you need to have followed up on, they'll give you a call in a few days. Yeah. She was pretty specific.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So the way she said that, I was like, oh, this is not good. So I just kind of had this feeling, but still was not prepared for the phone call I got the next morning. I think it was like 745 or eight o'clock. And it was my primary care doctor who said that they had found a nine centimeter mass on my right lung.
SPEAKER_02:And
SPEAKER_01:for
SPEAKER_02:those of you who don't know, that's a really good-sized mass.
SPEAKER_01:That's huge. Yeah. A centimeter is just shy of an inch, I think.
SPEAKER_02:Two and a half centimeters to an inch, so it's big. My thing in my heart was seven centimeters, and it was good-sized. Yeah. So yours was bigger than that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So it was big. Anyway, and so they referred me to a specialist at that point, a pulmonologist, who then got me scheduled for a CAT scan, and we did a– I'm going blank. We biopsied it bronchoscopy just to scope it out and see what it was. So yeah, I had the nine centimeter mass and then two of my lymph nodes were also involved and they were, I saw on the x-ray, they were both huge. So that was a little unsettling.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. The bronchoscopy was weird. Cause I wasn't sure. Cause I had to have one. So I had a seven centimeter tumor removed from my left atrium. So I had open heart surgery and, The week I turned 50, which really ticked me off, but kind of emergency open heart surgery. They thought it was benign. It wasn't. And then I had somewhere in there, I had a bronchoscopy. I think it was right before I started radiation because they showed something else that was active, but they weren't sure exactly what it was. And they want to make sure if it was cancerous, that they mapped it when they mapped the radiation plan. But I just remember going there. I was thinking, oh, I guess I just didn't realize, did they do constant sedation or constant? Did they do conscious sedation for you for that? Like Versed or something?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. They said it was identical to like a colonoscopy. So I already had a colonoscopy a few months ago. So I'm like, okay, I was good with that. The worst part was the spray they put in your mouth to numb your throat.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That was just, it's gross. But anyway. Okay. So they did the bronchoscopy and, and when they got the sample back, what did the pathology say?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, pathology said it was definitely cancer. The cancer was in two lymph nodes and in my lung. It was adenocarcinoma.
SPEAKER_02:Do you know, let me ask you this, because some of my cancers are related to having Lynch syndrome, which is a genetic abnormality. Did they do any genetic testing for you or you weren't to that point?
SPEAKER_01:They didn't relate it to that. I've had genetic testing done before, though, because my son was born with a chromosome disorder. Okay. So I do have... some genetic anomalies, but I don't know that it's related to this.
SPEAKER_02:Interesting. Okay. And then, so what did they, I mean, and you've, from what I understand, you were never a smoker or anything either, right?
SPEAKER_01:No, not me, not my friends or family for the most part. So I was only, what, 51 when I was diagnosed. I think that's why a lot of it was so shocking to me because you know, I was like, I've lived a relatively healthy life. And so cancer was the farthest thing from my mind.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can identify with that. So Sean, so for you, you've, you've known Bethann's had this cough, whatever she comes home. Did she tell you that she thought the tech was a little, what the tech had said was interesting or should she kind of keep that to herself until you guys got the call the next day?
SPEAKER_00:No, I think we had that discussion. I think she mentioned that she was a little concerned because the tech had been so specific about calling the next day. And it was just kind of one of those, well, what does that mean kind of moments.
SPEAKER_02:You're like, hey, hey, I know you're trying to be all HIPAA compliant and all that, but come on. Right,
SPEAKER_00:exactly. And so it was a little off-putting, and I wasn't really sure what to make of that at the time.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And then when the doctor called the next day, it's just, it kind of set you back on your heels for a second. Um, but you know, I'm, I'm, when I hear that, I'm trying to be the guy that's like, okay, don't panic because a lot of people have gone through this before. A lot of people have, you know, made really great, a lot of great progress on, on cancers. You know, this isn't necessarily something that is, fatal. It's something that can be lived with, but we've got to get to that point and try to figure out what's going on. And I think that was the hard part that was the hardest was the waiting between when we found out, yes, she has cancer and what kind of cancer it is and how treatable it is. And I think there were several weeks in the middle there. And it's just like, you're sitting on pins and needles trying because you're waiting for, for an answer and nobody's giving you the answer. And I think that was the hardest part in the beginning.
SPEAKER_02:That would have been. We didn't have to experience that waiting for an answer. Because we had one pretty quickly. There were a couple of weeks while I was recovering, I was in the hospital and covering from the open heart surgery before we went to my regular oncologist because I had had cancer before. And, and when she said, this is virtually 100% fatal. I was just like, I knew it was bad. But yeah, there was this, it's miraculous is anyway. So I went to her
SPEAKER_03:here.
SPEAKER_02:Right. Right. And we had, our kids were, um, at that point, the first cancer, they were nine, 11, 15 and 19. The second cancer they were, what would it have been? Cause it's been three years, like 12 or 13 years. something like that, you know, 14 or 15. We still had kids at home. We still had kids who were relatively young. I like this husband. I'd like to spend more time with him, you know? And it was just, it's a, I always tell people, it's like a visceral punch in the gut when people tell you that no matter how well you think you're balanced, when someone tells you you've got cancer, it's like they hit you in the solar plexus or kick you. It's, it knocks the, at least everybody I know, it's knocked the wind out of them.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so then you went to an oncologist, and what did they tell you guys?
SPEAKER_01:Well, it was kind of funny. At the point where I finally got to see the oncologist, I think maybe it had been a week or two, because again, it was like a little bit of a waiting game for us. And by the time I got there, I had completely lost my voice, which was interesting. I didn't really... think about it till later. Well, interesting too. I just, I have a degree in communication disorders and science. And so we did a lot about that, learned a lot about that in college, as far as like how you phonate, how you're making sounds when, and so it was interesting because I realized after the fact, well, that's, I couldn't talk because my lungs weren't producing enough oxygen to make a sound. So yeah, I couldn't, I didn't, could barely get down the hall from the living room to the bedroom without being short of breath. So by the time we got to the oncologist's office, I remember Sean parked the car and we were walking in and I was just walking like I normally would walk. And by the time I got to the waiting room, I could barely breathe and was kind of a little... upsetting, I guess to say. Um, and so we got to the oncologist's office and they, they noticed immediately, they knew immediately what was going on and they got me some supplemental oxygen and, um, it was like, oh my gosh, this is so much better. And so they got me on oxygen at that point, um, where they had it sent to my home. And, um, anyway, the, uh, yeah, the, I had two oncologists. I had my radiation oncologist, Dr. Lee and my chemo-oncologist, Dr. Jasenchak, and they were both just phenomenal. The whole center was wonderful as far as care goes. And I always felt important and I felt very focused on when I was there. And just, I really felt I was in the best hands possible. I just had, I put 100% trust in them.
SPEAKER_02:That's awesome. Yeah. I always tell people, you need a team you feel comfortable with. And the experts I talked to, the ones who treated me, and this is at a top 10 cancer center, top 10 nationally in Florida. And they say, we want you to go get a second opinion. We want you to feel comfortable with the course of treatment that we have advised you for and advised you to have. And they talk about being consultants, not saying, this is what you must do. It's like, given the situation, this is what we think is best. Now we say, if it happened to your mom or your sister and it was someone you liked, like, and you got along with them, what would you do?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. It really helps you. My brother has a really good friend who's a doctor in Portland. And so my brother, John had consulted with his doctor friend and said, Hey, this is what's going on. Do you have any recommendations? And he was thinking, he's like, Oh yeah, actually, There is an oncologist in Eugene that I did- Like residency with or something? Residency. Thank you. I still have some chemo brain going on. I forget where- We all do. Yeah. He's like, I did residency with, and he's like, he's absolutely brilliant. And so he recommended Dr. Jasenchek to me. And we did, Sean and I did a little research on him just through the the Willamette Valley Cancer Institute website had their background on the oncologist. And Dr. Jasenchak had been voted one of the top 10 oncologists, I think, in the United States by the US World News
SPEAKER_00:Report.
SPEAKER_01:That's awesome. It was interesting. So when I had my appointment with him, he had told us that he had been practicing in Portland, but kind of wanted... to get out of the political part of it and just wanted to help people. And so they moved to Eugene where it was like a little bit smaller, slower way of life than Portland. And I guess I got lucky because he was just, you know, we felt, Sean and I both felt really comfortable with him right off the bat. So, and to know that, you know, my brother's friend was saying how he's like, he's just like, he's brilliant. He said he was absolutely brilliant. He did his residency at the Mayo Clinic. You know, just so
SPEAKER_02:that is now I'm thinking I need a point of contact here. So I'll be getting his contact information. Seriously, because I need I need somebody here so that if anything happens again, they can coordinate. I will still probably go to Moffitt for a lot of that because my stuff is so specialized. But I need somebody here who can handle walking me through it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I have to tell you, it was one of those things that I was real nervous going in and talking with them, too, because I went to these first appointments with her. And once I met him, Dr. Lee was fantastic too, but once I met Dr. Usanchek, he was answering all the questions in a very forthright manner and just like he knew exactly what he was talking about. Like, oh yeah, I've dealt with that before. Or yeah, we don't really want to go down that path and here's why and that kind of thing. And I felt really good after talking with him after that first interview or first appointment. And kind of put my mind at ease a little more, I think, going into this whole thing. Like, yeah, this is something that can be fought. This is something that is winnable. And I feel a little more comfortable about that.
SPEAKER_02:And that's a hard, I think those first appointments particularly, you're so just kind of deer in the headlights about everything that it always helps to have another person go with you if you're the patient. Yeah. it always helps if a friend, now this is before most things were digital, but back with my first cancer, she's like, keep a binder and put everything in that binder, put the CDs of your scans, put everything. And if you carry that binder everywhere you go, then they have the information they need in the moment. They need it to advise you without waiting and putting you off on whatever else, because it wasn't available now. I mean, my, my portal for Moffitt, the cancer center in Florida, it just has everything. It's wonderful. And it's, I don't know. I think more and more, even in small towns, we're seeing cancer centers advance technologically to the point where there's a lot better sharing of information. There are more timely appointments, etc. And that's very reassuring.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that was a hard thing, too, for me, because it was COVID. They only let Sean come with me on the initial appointment with the oncologist. And after that, I was on my own. So I've kind of talked about that with other cancer patients who said, you know, that's kind of hard when you're in there. You just, you do feel so alone because you can't have your loved ones with you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like I was talking to someone the other day who was my friend Tiff who had breast cancer and her chemo room, you know, normally you're there with a friend, right? And we were always the loud people in my chemo room because my chemo room was really quiet. We were talking and laughing and, you know, joking about losing hair and whatever. But Tiff went to all her appointments alone like you did. And it's, you know, and Lauren, her best friend, was waiting downstairs when she got out. But you're going through that process in a very solitary way. And I think that would be a lot harder. I
SPEAKER_00:think one of the things, too, and Bethann and I have had this conversation before is it helps to have somebody there with you so that they get to hear it too, in case you're not focusing.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:You've been given this life-changing, you know, information and your brain may not necessarily be all there when you're in these consultations. And so it helps to have somebody, a close friend, relative, you know, spouse there with you so they can hear the information too. So you can say, did I hear correctly?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Is this what he said? I
SPEAKER_02:think I was still on pain pills because it was only a few weeks after open heart surgery and that was miserable for a while. So Kev would be like, I'm like, did he say this? He's like, yeah. Was this the next thing? No, the next thing was this. And this is what we're, and it just, I don't know. It just helped. So you're done with radiation and chemo. Which order did you do those in?
SPEAKER_01:I, for six weeks, I would go to radiation five times a week. So Monday through Friday. And then on Thursdays, I would do my chemo after radiation. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:And how far out are you from the end of treatment?
SPEAKER_01:I finished my last radiation treatment. I think it was the end of April. Awesome. So now I'm doing monthly immunotherapy. Okay. And are you doing
SPEAKER_02:Keytruda or what are you doing?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I don't know. I have it. I have it in my notebook. I think it starts with a D. I can't remember what it's called. I could find
SPEAKER_02:it. No, that's okay. I'm just interested because Keytruda is the one in the back pocket if the sarcoma goes back for me. And I'm always interested to hear people's experiences with that. Okay, but you look great. Thank you. How are you feeling?
SPEAKER_01:I feel pretty good. It's funny, you know, you said look great, because you know, the With the chemo, I was really fortunate that the doctor said that I would probably, my hair would thin. He never said it would fall all the way out. So I was kind of like, okay, well, and it definitely did. It definitely did thin, probably about a third of what it used to be. And then with the new drug I'm on now, it said it may cause hair loss or hair growth. I'm like, well, way to keep your options open. So I'm not, I'm not really sure what my hair is doing right now. I think it's growing back a little bit. I'm not sure. But yeah, fatigue is another side effect of that. And I definitely still feel that a lot. I like my daily naps, which are going to have to go away when I go back to work next week. Very sad. Do you find,
SPEAKER_02:because my radiation was to my heart, so my lungs were in the field. Yeah. Do you find that you have to exercise to keep that tissue moving? Because it tends to kind of tighten up that radiation scarring.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, my pulmonologist said that exercise is the most important thing for me to be doing right now. I asked him, I said, you know, can I qualify for handicap parking permit? Because I get short of breath really easy. And he's like, absolutely not. He's like, that's what you need to be doing is walking. So... Yeah, I haven't probably been walking as much as I should. The smoke right now, we have lots of smoke from the forest fire, so that is not helping. It
SPEAKER_02:makes it hard. Yeah, before we started recording, I was just coughing up a lung, almost literally, so I get it. But I have found that when I lay off, like our daughter got married out of state last week, and I only walked a few of the days because they had a lot of smoke from the wildfires as well, and I laid off a few days and man, when I start again, you can feel that tissues just tightened up and you got to break it up and loosen it again. But it's when I'm doing it regularly, I feel pretty good, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's a really good visual for me to think about just, yeah, breaking the tissue up and having it, helping it expand. I've kind of, Sean and I have talked about, I'd really like to get some sort of cardio equipment for the house, like an elliptical or a bicycle or something so that I could be doing that. Unfortunately, our house is kind of small, so I'm not sure where we're going to put it yet. But yeah, just so we can be inside. It's also kind of challenging for me to get out because we do have our son who with his special needs, you know, doesn't, he has high anxiety. So he doesn't like me to be away from him and walking with me. He wouldn't walk very far or probably fast enough for me to get the cardio going. So yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I thought about that too because I thought if it ever came to it where I needed to use my oxygen again because now I'm not using the supplemental oxygen. Which is awesome. But I thought, I'm like, that would be awesome. I could just set the thing right there and just be on the bike with the oxygen flowing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That might be, I don't know, that might help. Okay. So what are some things you wish you'd known ahead of time?
SPEAKER_01:Wished I'd known ahead of time.
SPEAKER_00:Either of you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to think.
SPEAKER_00:For me, it's one of those things that I don't know that there is anything that I wish I would have known ahead of time because it sort of hits you like a ton of bricks when you get that news. And so I kept thinking about this question. It's like, well, how could I have prepared for this? What could I have known beforehand? And I think just because it's such a foreign concept when you don't think that you're going to be a target, you don't really think about doing research on it or anything else because, you know, why? It doesn't affect me. And I think that was probably the biggest thing for me. I wish I would have had more information about this kind of thing going into it and done a little more research. But part of that, too, is the fact that if you don't know exactly what you're dealing with, it's hard to do research on something like that. And it's kind of like... throwing a dart at a map and trying to figure out, you know.
SPEAKER_02:How to get somewhere. Okay, so let's say, what about while you were helping her through treatment, is there anything you wish you'd known ahead of time to prepare for that part of it?
SPEAKER_00:I'd heard stories from other people about how tired that they get and so on. And I kind of wish that I would have been able to make a more comfortable space for her to be in. going into that. And it would have been nice to be able to kind of be able to give her the quiet and the space she needed to rest. It doesn't always happen just because we're in close quarters. And, you know, when you're, when you're dealing with a child with special needs who requires constant attention, that's, that's tough too.
SPEAKER_02:That adds a whole other,
SPEAKER_00:you know, angle to this whole thing. Yeah, it really does. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What about you, Bethann? Let me give you, for example, I had a friend who said, she's like family, but anyway, Tay said, have a couple of sets of sheets, have a bunch of garbage bags and plastic gloves so that if you're throwing up during chemo, the person who's your care person can quickly and easily take care of that, clean up, not be exposed to anything toxic. We got a... plastic type mat, not mat, but a mattress cover under our allergy cover or on top of, excuse me, so that there was quick cleanup, nothing got through. It was little things like that that I would not necessarily have thought of.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Actually, my sister-in-law went through that with her mom. Her mom actually has passed away now, but she was dealing with breast cancer. And Jane had told me how she had those little blue emesis bags she always carried around for her mom. And so actually, ironically, we had those already because my son suffers from anxiety. And so vomiting is one of his things that he does when he gets too nervous. So I made sure that I always had a blue emesis bag, actually a couple, because you don't want to feel like you don't have enough. Yeah, so... I have a big purse now and more like a tote bag, I guess. And I would just always make sure that I had a couple of those bags with me so that I would feel like I had something if I needed it. Some
SPEAKER_02:of that's just a security thing, right? For me, it was, I just need to feel prepared. I wouldn't necessarily need it, but I didn't want to feel stuck without. Exactly, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:And for me too, I think one of the biggest things I wish I would have known is just, you know, listen to your body. I never should have poopooed that cough. You know, I keep, I keep looking back and thinking if I would have just been advocated more for myself and not worried about, Oh, the doctor looks so tired, you know, just said, Hey, I've had this cough for five months now. Let's do a chest x-ray to be sure. Right. You know, we could have caught it a lot sooner.
SPEAKER_00:You know, the ironic part about that whole thing though, was that just prior to that, there had been something going around that, people would get sick with a kind of a flu-like symptoms. And then they had a persistent cough that would last for months. And so we just kept thinking, well, that's all it was because she had been sick prior to that. And how
SPEAKER_01:do you
SPEAKER_00:know? Yeah. How do you know?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you don't. But that's where I think you have to advocate for yourself and just say, hey, it's probably nothing, but let's check it out.
SPEAKER_02:Right. No, I agree. So what are... some of your big takeaways, each of you from this experience, what you've learned about yourself, each other, your relationship, your body, whatever. Um,
SPEAKER_01:do you want to go first or.
SPEAKER_00:Well, um, probably the biggest takeaway from me would be, uh, just really focusing on taking care of, of, you know, your loved one and, uh, it's kind of hard to articulate because I kind of went into a different mode when she was really, you know, feeling that fatigue and going through chemo and radiation. And I kind of went into this different mode of where I get off work and even when you're, cause I work from home. And so just trying to take care of her and make sure she's comfortable and making sure she's, you know, getting her meals and, and making sure she's got supplies and all that stuff. And, and I think, If I were to do this again, I would make sure that I stock up on things a lot more than I had and make sure that I allocate time to make sure she's taken care of, but also allocate time so that I get myself taken care of. Yeah. Because there were times when I felt like I was just needing a little bit more time to kind of catch my breath and relax and come down from all of that. And there's a lot of stress that goes into all that as well. So, I mean, you kind of need time to de-stress and come back fresh so that you're able to take care of your loved one in a better way.
SPEAKER_02:Kev's talked about that before. We did a podcast, he and I, and I asked him this question. He said, I made sure I exercised because that kept me healthy and kept me sane. And that was his thing. Like he made sure that he was doing that, but he also said he was in bare minimum man mode. Like people got fed, people got clothed, people got to where they needed to be. We had family prayer at night, you know, the things that we do in our day, but everything else was just like, nope, nope. What about you Bethann?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, for sure. What you just said. Um, I just felt like I was in survival mode at that point when you're going through treatment. Um, Definitely for me, it was different because I have my son, you know, and he needed me. So I was trying to just get through my day to make sure I could do the basic things for him. Sean helped a lot with that. But, you know, and then just trying to do the basic stuff for me. So I've kind of, you know, I've kind of went through some hard things in life. You know, when you have a child born to you that has special needs, you know, and then my first husband and I divorced and so I kind of went through a lot of things already and I knew that I was really strong and so I knew going into this that I was going to handle it because I just feel like a lot of it's about attitude and I just never let myself think any other way it's just that I'm going to get through this because my son needs me and I'm going to do what I need to do to try to do that so Um, yeah, it was just, that was, I think the hard part because for him, when he got up in the morning at seven o'clock, he wanted mama up and it's like, it doesn't matter that I was up all night coughing. He wanted me up. And I usually got up, I think with him for the most part, there were several times that, that he would be up with Sean, but, uh, yeah. Trying to think of what else I learned, but yeah, definitely, um, I definitely had to rely on my faith and just know that everything happens for a reason and that that's why I was going through this and that I just had to stay strong there. And I know I had a lot of people that were praying for me, and I definitely felt that. Sometimes I feel like I felt a supernatural power. positivity vibe or something, because I just felt like why, you know, everyone's like, wow, you're so calm. And how do you talk about this without crying? And I'm like, well, it's just it is what it is. And right. You know, you just stay strong and get through it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's that you hit on something else there, too. And I think that making sure you've got a strong support system.
SPEAKER_01:Oh,
SPEAKER_00:absolutely. That's one of the things I was really glad about because, you know, I had, you and I talked about this a number of times, you know, and you were my support system through a lot of this. And, you know, the other, my other coworkers, Michelle and Angela and so on, they were big supporters and everybody in the department just stood behind me and offered their support. And I had a lot of friends, close friends here that offered their support, family, of course. And you need that. I mean, I think without that, I would have probably been more of a mess than I, because I didn't end up having to, it sort of is a nervous breakdown kind of thing or have that whole stressful breakdown because things, you know, seem to be getting tough. I had people who were constantly helping, you know, what can I do? How can I help? that kind of thing. And I think that was a big thing for me as well. Another big takeaway was make sure that you've got those folks and those friends that the family that can stand with you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Even in the hard stuff. And that's, I mean, that whole support system thing, that's a huge part of why we do these, excuse me, why we do these podcasts is so that people realize it's not necessarily, uh, the diagnosis isn't necessarily fatal, uh, And even some of the ones we've done where eventually it was, it's like, how do you want to live your best life to that point?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
UNKNOWN:Right.
SPEAKER_02:And it's like, everybody says, it's not a club you want to be a member of, but the members are pretty awesome people.
SPEAKER_01:For sure. Yeah. Sean mentioned it too. I think my, my parents were, Absolutely outstanding through all of this. And I think it would have been a completely different ballgame had we not had their love and support. My dad picked me up every day and took me to my radiation and to chemo. And he drove me home, you know, back and forth. And they live about 20, 25 minutes away. So he would drive all the way over, get me, take me back about halfway, and then bring me back. And they were just amazing. Right there. And my mom, because Daxton goes to speech and physical therapy and occupational therapy every week. My mom was picking him up and taking him to all his appointments so that he still got his care that he needed. And his
SPEAKER_02:routine stayed
SPEAKER_01:the same. And his routine stayed the same because for him, it's all about that routine and that structure. And so it was awesome because Sean really didn't have to take off any work. You know, I don't know. If I would have been able to drive, I know they don't let you drive on chemo days, but Sean would have had to miss a lot of work if we didn't have that. And that would have been a lot more stressful too for my son. Cause you know, at that point we were doing online schooling and so he was home with Sean. Again, that
SPEAKER_02:consistency for Daxton the whole
SPEAKER_01:time. Yeah. Yeah, and so I was thinking, gosh, if we didn't have my parents, we would have had to pull him out of school because he would have had to go with us, you know, transporting me. And without them, yeah, it would have been a completely different story.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, good people make all the difference. For
SPEAKER_01:sure. Don't be afraid. People should never be afraid to ask people for help because I really do think that most people will help if they're able to. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And most people just, frankly, most people don't know what they can do. And I always advise people, if you've got somebody who's had a diagnosis, give them a choice of two or three things that you're willing to do. Because their head's spinning anyway, but say, you know what, would you like me to make dinner, get you a gift card, or take the kids to swimming lessons? You know, whatever. And then the person, because I was just like decision fatigue mess, I can choose between three things though. Yeah.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And you're helping in a way that's comfortable for you. And if you get enough people doing those things, it really does lift you and take a lot of the burden off your shoulders. For sure. Okay. So any other tips and tricks you'd share with people that
SPEAKER_01:you haven't already? One thing, especially during COVID, I actually never did this because I felt pretty clear, but someone suggested that when you are going to those appointments and you have to be alone, everyone usually keeps their phone with them, but record the conversation with your doctor if they're okay with that. You know, that way you can refer to it later if you need to. That's a great idea. Yeah. So I think that would be really a good thing. And you know, another thing, just don't worry about the small stuff. I know I, I used to be really, my mom used to say my house was immaculate and it's certainly not that anymore, but you know, just don't worry about those things. It's, you know, the dirt will be there when you're done with treatment.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And people understand too. I mean, if they know what you're going through, they'll understand.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Well, and if they came to look at the dirt in your house, they're not really friends anyway, and you can boot them out.
SPEAKER_00:That's right. They're not there for the right reasons.
SPEAKER_02:No. Okay. So what have you guys got as bucket list items now? Because I'll tell you, the third cancer or second or third, one of them for us was a big time of reevaluation. for Kev and I about what do we want? What do we want to be doing? How do we want our life to be? Because if we had limited time, what would we want to do with it? So what about you guys?
SPEAKER_01:For me, it's kind of hard because I feel like, you know, first and foremost, I'm always a special needs mom. And that means there's restrictions on things that I can and cannot do. So my biggest goal, I said, you know, I need to get my son through school. And Yeah, that's a very good point. For me, that's the biggest thing. If I didn't have that to factor in, I would love to travel. I would love to go do different things. I have the entire summer off between school years, but traveling with him can be hard sometimes.
SPEAKER_02:We'll say Daxton and travel for you. There you go.
SPEAKER_00:I've always been a big traveler, so I love doing that. Having spent years overseas and seeing all kinds of things. I just love to travel. And I would love to take a train to New Orleans at some time, at some point.
SPEAKER_02:Maybe not this week.
SPEAKER_00:Not this week. You know, probably not the best of times to try that one. But, you know, it's just the whole idea of traveling on a train, especially with your spouse, is just this neat romantic idea, you know, because there you are clackety clack, you know, that, that sound in the background and just sitting and
SPEAKER_02:seeing the country,
SPEAKER_00:seeing the country go by, you know, but I, I would love, there's a lot of places I would love to visit, you know, never been to Europe. That would be fun. Sean spent years in the
SPEAKER_02:Philippines, like grew up a lot
SPEAKER_00:of time in Asia and saw a lot of different places in Asia, but never been to Europe, which is someplace I'd really love to go. And so I think that'd be probably on the top of my bucket list is going to that.
SPEAKER_02:Those are good ones. If
SPEAKER_00:we want to talk about fun stuff, though, I've been to Disneyland and I've been to Disney World, but I haven't been to Euro Disney or Shanghai Disney.
SPEAKER_02:Bethann's rolling her eyes. Yeah, that's not on my bucket list. That'll be a solo trip, Sean, and that's okay.
SPEAKER_00:Well, actually, I can drag my brother. I have a twin brother, and he's just about as much of a Disney fan as I am. So I'll just drag him along, and we'll go to Tokyo and Paris. There
SPEAKER_02:you go. Also, Sean's a big foodie. Are you too, Bethann? Yeah, not as much as he is. He's great for restaurant recommendations, though. He's like, oh, go to this Thai place. And I was like, dang, that is great Thai food. I
SPEAKER_01:introduced him to that Thai place, by the way. Yes, you did. That
SPEAKER_02:was on me. Excellent. Thank you, Bethann. You're welcome. We go there all the time.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I love to bake. So... I don't know if I would call myself a foodie, but I do like to go out and eat. But he's a lot more adventurous than I am. Yeah, he is. For sure.
SPEAKER_00:And he's always got good stories. I can probably count on one hand the number of things I will not eat.
SPEAKER_02:We'll have to have that conversation. Yeah, I want to have that conversation with you sometime. Because there are very few things on my list, too. But one of them is the gelatinous blob that I found out later was, I think, raw jellyfish. Like a big jellyfish. And they put it on just like a piece of lettuce. And you
SPEAKER_00:should try a pickle sometime.
SPEAKER_02:Pickled, I might eat it. But yeah, that just that texture I was not going to do. Okay, what are some of your favorite places to be?
SPEAKER_01:Hmm, good question. Lately, again, it's just been all about being a mom. You know what I really have enjoyed, though, it's kind of probably a weird thing to say, but Daxton loves baseball so much. And I've just really enjoyed when we've gone to some professional baseball games and we've just sat in the stands and everyone's having a great time and we're eating yummy food. You know, that's been kind of a favorite place to be. But, you know, I'm I'm always kind of a homebody, too. And I love to be just home. And if it's raining outside, snuggled in with a good book or something cooking on the stove or baking in the oven, you know. Cause it feels like home. Yeah. I like to be in the mountains too. I love it. If we can get away and just sit there and look at the pine trees from the window or whatever. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's almost the same for me because we've got a, a family tradition of going away for a weekend up into the mountains and high desert every year. And I look forward to that. That's just a lot of fun. It's a neat place to be and it just feels really comfortable when you get out and and can stretch your legs a little bit and breathe the fresh air and get away from the city for a while.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I really love that.
SPEAKER_02:That's awesome. Well,
SPEAKER_00:my favorite restaurants. So, you know,
SPEAKER_02:yeah, there's that. There's that. Well, just thank you both for taking the time and sharing your experiences and, and, Like I said, it's neat to hear from people that I wouldn't expect to have heard something or listened to something to go, yeah, I passed that on to a friend. They just got diagnosed with this. Or, yeah, I passed on to so-and-so. That thing on anxiety really helped. And I just appreciate people sharing their experiences so honestly.
SPEAKER_03:You're very
SPEAKER_02:welcome. Getting a very unexpected cancer diagnosis at a young age is never easy. But Bethann and Sean are examples of how You can work together as a couple to get through it and move forward with your life. I really appreciate them sharing their story with us. This week, as you go around the world, please do something nice for somebody else. Count your blessings and make it a really great week. Thanks for listening. And if you haven't subscribed yet, please do. We appreciate the support.