Life, Cancer, Etc.
Life, Cancer, Etc.
Why I've Been Missing in Action
Life changes are hard and the last few months have been, too. Here's what I've been doing and why I've needed to take a step back.
NOTE: I am not a medical professional. Everyone on the "Life, Cancer, Etc." podcast is sharing their own experiences, not giving medical advice.
Photo © 2021 Heidi Bragg
Content © 2022 Heidi Bragg
Keywords: self-care, saying no is okay, reasonable expectations, setting good boundaries
You can also find some episodes on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/LifeCancerEtc
I'm Heidi Bragg and this is Life, Cancer, etc. My goal with this podcast is to connect you with stories and resources that help you feel happier, more resilient, and less stressed, especially when you're going through hard times. Good morning. I wanted to let you guys know why I've kind of been missing a in action or haven't uploaded any podcasts for the last couple of months. And the truth is I've just been exhausted. I've been physically and emotionally kind of just spent. We did a cross-country move. Our daughter got married out of state, which was amazing and awesome. And then we did an open house here. And I was already feeling kind of tired when I recorded the last couple of podcasts. And then I was prepping for my visit, my first visit back to Florida to go get all my scans and consults and procedures done. And I had to get stuff ready at work so I could be gone. I was anxious about what they'd find because there's no, for me, there's no normal. There's kind of a range of what feels okay, but there's weird stuff that pops up all the time. And when you've got an upcoming appointment and you know you're going to get a PET scan and things don't feel quote unquote normal, at least for me, I don't know about everybody, but at least for me, that's pretty nerve wracking. I also, after I got back, and I got great scans, and that was fabulous, and I felt so relieved. And it was amazing to sit in that room. I think it was actually, it was a different room this time, but be at the same facility where I'd gotten such life-altering, devastating news three and a half years ago and have them say, your scans look great. And this is pretty amazing because sarcoma normally comes back in six to eight months and you're three and a half years out. So that was awesome. And I'm incredibly grateful for that. I had a longer post-op recovery this time than I normally do. I'm not quite sure why that is, but it's just taken a lot longer for my body to recover than it normally does. And then once I got back and I got all my test results, we have to figure out what to do about some of the underlying issues that exist, like osteopenia, which is the step before osteoporosis. But I've definitely had bone loss because, number one, chemo does that to you, and number two, if you've had a hysterectomy and don't have estrogen that you're naturally making, it's really hard to maintain bone mass. So that was one of the things, or one of the major things I was working on. And then the week before I left, my youngest sister was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma, grade two. And actually, if you've listened to the podcast before, it's exactly the same type and the same grade that Ash Sivanantham had, because she doesn't have it now, but what she had was when she was diagnosed and Ash has been great about offering to help, so has Dr. Kavita Jackson. And so I'm sitting here being excited that my scans are clear and thinking about my sister and thinking about her husband who lost his first wife to cancer and that was diagnosed when she was pregnant with their second child. I'm thinking about the six kids they have together and that they have to go through this, the road they have ahead. And guilty is not the right word, but sad and my heart just aching for them because we're on the other side of this and they're at the beginning. And trying to support them and She allowed us to set up a GoFundMe for them. Just trying to be there, trying to offer insight or at least share my experiences where she wants that and make sure I'm not pushing to where she and her husband feel like I'm trying to interject myself. into something that is very personal and very much theirs, but still trying to let them know we're here, we're here to support. With COVID, it's not like I can go there because they have younger children who haven't been vaccinated yet. And so it's, and they live, you know, half a continent away. So there's been a lot practically, and there's been a lot emotionally trying to negotiate that. I've also been working on my health. So moving here, as opposed to someplace that's incredibly flat and we were maybe 20 feet above sea level, I've been trying to get better conditioned for the altitude, which isn't a lot, but it does affect my heart. And the fact that there's incline, I've been taking hikes up and down hills, trying to increase my stamina, get my cardiovascular fitness better than it has been. I've been working with a physical therapist who's also a trainer and a massage therapist to address various issues from all the surgeries I've had over the last eight years, resulting problems after chemo, just basically improve my health the concerns about osteopenia. So we're trying to address that with strength training and doing things that will help encourage bone, the development of better bone mass. And then our strength training program has to work around, like I said, all the different issues. And then we're dealing with developing better joint mobility. So that's been something that takes quite a bit of time because I'm trying to do my physical therapy exercises three to five times a week. I'm trying to do the strength training workout two to three times a week. I go in for a massage pretty much weekly and they work on all the issues that are exacerbated by sitting at a desk most of the week or even standing at a desk and typing at a keyboard. So that takes time. We're also... I've had to establish care with local doctors. I'm still keeping all my Moffitt people and will still be going back there every three to four months. But you also need local providers who, if something emergent comes up, can help you immediately. And so I've been establishing with specialists and a primary care physician here. And then I got asked to serve in a... And I accepted the... We call it a calling to serve in a volunteer position at our church that involves a lot of training and figuring out how to make contact with local nonprofits and interfaith organizations and other religious leaders in the community and things like that. So that has taken a lot of time and a lot of mental space because I want to do this right and and make sure we are serving our community well. As a Christian, as someone who's trying to be like Jesus, or at least as close as I can get, it's really important to me that we are being his hands on the earth, that we are doing the things he would want us to do for each other, the things he would do if he were standing beside me every day. And so I've been working on that. And in general, it's just been a very... It's been an interesting season of life. It's a good one and we're doing good things, but it takes a lot of energy and I have to remember that while I'm in remarkable shape for all I've been through, my limitations are different than they were before all these cancers and my body is different than it was and I need to put I think more reasonable expectations on myself and Kev always tells me to be kinder to myself than I think I need to be and I'm working on doing that and not feeling bad if there are things that fall through the cracks and sometimes the podcast is going to be the thing that falls through the cracks because I just don't have either the physical energy or the mental space or the emotional um presence, I would say, because I really try to be super present for these conversations. If I don't have that, I don't feel like I can do a good job on an episode. And so sometimes I'm just not going to do one. So I would ask for your patience with me as I figure out how to navigate this new stage of life and settling into a new place to live and I've committed to over the next six months really working diligently on getting in the best I don't know if I can say the best physical shape I can be in but the best physical shape I can reasonably maintain over the long haul I think that's a better way to put it and so that is going to be a primary focus for me because I feel like it's really important. I'll be 54 in April and I'd like to have a really good routine set up by my birthday. So if any of you have questions, you can submit them on our Facebook page, on Instagram. I think we set a contact form up on the website too. And we did. I just double checked. We did. So if you've got questions, if you've got a story you'd like to tell, if you've got suggestions for people you think would be great to talk with that would give other people that strength and resilience that they might need to get through something difficult, please let me know. The website is lifecanceretcetera, all one word, And there's the contact form you can see from the banner on the front page. So thanks for your patience. If you've gotten to the end of this, thanks for listening. And if you wouldn't mind, share with me some of the things that have made you take a step back or situations that have made you reassess and reevaluate. I think... I'd love to share those with people because I think it's helpful for all of us to understand that it's okay to take a break sometimes. It's okay to say, you know what? I can't do that right now. I'd love to help you, but I just can't do that right now. Kev always tells me, babe, no is a one word sentence. You don't have to explain to everybody who asks you for something. why you can't do something if it's something that you really can't do. It's okay to just say no. Sorry, I can't do that at this time. So if you've got situations you've been through like this or suggestions, please message me or use the contact form. I'd love to share those with other listeners. I think it's really great to normalize the fact that we all need time. We all need space sometimes. We all have limits. And respecting those limits, I think, is one way of really being kind to ourselves. And respecting those limits in others is a way we help those around us. So I hope you have a really great week. And as you go around the world, please do something nice for somebody else. Count your blessings. And thanks again for listening.