4 Things to Remember About NO

I'll be totally honest, this episode started as what I needed to hear...and turned into something YOU need to hear.

It's about the word NO.

Here's what I know: no one - including me - WANTS to hear 'no' in their business... and when we DO hear no, sometimes it causes us to freak out a little. 

But what if no isn't as bad as we think it is? 

What if NO isn't actually a problem? 

What if it's a GOOD sign, instead of a sign of the apocalypse? 

This week I'm sharing the 4 things I needed to remind MYSELF about no this week, and maybe they'll be useful for you too! 

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Welcome, welcome. Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I am Sara Torpey. I am your host here and all the places I am also your host in my Facebook group, which is called Teachers in Business. And today I want to talk about no. So part of why I want to talk about this this week is because I was reminded of all the things I'm about to tell you. This week when I heard No, I think that one of the things that happens to us and I see this in my coaching clients, I saw it in myself this week. Is that when we hear no when someone says like, Thank you, I really want to work with you. But also No, not right now or No, it's not gonna work or No, it's not a good fit.

I mean, immediately, our brains or at least mine, I would seriously doubt I'm alone in this, but maybe I am like maybe, maybe I'm alone in this. My brain, I'll just speak for myself, immediately right reverts into like, Oh God, I must have done it wrong. Right? Because no one my brain assumes that everyone should say yes. And no one should say no. And everything works out perfectly right that everything should everyone should watch what I what I have. And if they say no, I Sarah made some kind of egregious error. Like I did something wrong, the price was wrong. The offer was wrong. The sales call was bad. I didn't inspire them. I all the things like I have all the thoughts. Maybe you have similar thoughts. But, you know, in three and a half years of selling coaching, and many years of work in the sales world before that. And in many years of teaching, I have learned some things about no. And sorry, I have if you're watching this on video, I have hair going in every direction. I'm trying to fix it. But if the here are the things that I think are important to remember about the word no, this is the stuff that yesterday I had to sit down and be like, okay, Sara, here's what we have to remember. Because you know some things about the word no.

First, no is a good sign. That is not what you want to hear from me. It is not what I want to hear from me. It is not what I want to hear right now. But it is the truth. No is a good sign. It is a good sign that you are both a visible people see you and be making invitations. Because people can't say no to something a they don't know exists and be you haven't offered. So the only way you can hear no as a business owner is if you know you are making offers and invitations and you're actually talking to people like you here if you physically have someone say no to you. They considered Yes. Right. Like it is it means yes was on the table A and that they know you exist and that you have something to offer. So those are both really good signs, especially if you're early in your business. And visibility isn't like your favorite thing yet. It might never be your favorite thing. But if you are in visibility and marketing and talking to people and making connections and inviting if that has been the hardest part of this for you. When you hear no, it's like oh my god. Maybe it's not right. Like maybe I'm doing it wrong, but actually no is a sign that the things you're doing are working. Might you need to refine some things? Sure, totally. But they can't say no to what doesn't exist. They can't say no to what they haven't seen. They can't say no, if they haven't had if you haven't invited them to Yes. So no is actually a sign that you are both visible and inviting. And so that's a sign that you're doing things right. So that's number one. 

Number two, and this is the one that I like least actually, if we're talking about No, because my brain thinks the opposite of this and doesn't like to hear this particular reminder that I gave myself

the reminders this. Not everyone says yes 100% of the time not everyone in your world that wants what you have should even say yes. Not everyone that comes to you as a potential customer or potential client is somebody you even want batting 1000 Having a perfect clothes score, like getting 100% of the people that come to you is not winning. Like it's not winning. It's not normal. It's not anything. It's not but it's not how it works. It's not real. There is no like, every person who comes at me and talks about coaching is going to say yes. Like, that's, something's wrong. They're probably like, that's, that's not good, that's malignant, it's problematic. It's a lot of things. But we we internally assume, or sort of work from this expectation that everyone should say yes. Right, that even people like we're not sure we want should say, yes, that clients when you're like, maybe we'd be a good fit. You know, I I'm at the point in my business where I have a stronger sense of how to weed out that kind of thing, like I am much more visible, and I think clearer to people. And over time, that has meant that people that are much more suited to the work I do, and the way we do it, have started to come. So there are fewer people to weed out, right, that aren't good fit, where I am not a good fit for them. And they're not a good fit mirror for me. But even then, if I have 10 consults, if I have 10 meetings with new people, I'm not going to have all 10 of them become clients, I probably don't want that. I'm more than probably don't want that. I definitely don't want that. And neither do you. And so the thing with that is like when you when we freak out when I freak out, because I heard no, it's working from this erroneous assumption that everyone should say yes. And that's not right. 

The third one? No. Is it about you? I know, I know, I know, I know, when somebody says no to you. It's not about you. I mean, it might be that there are things you could have done differently in the sales process. I know for me, that is particularly in the first like 18 months, two years of my business. There are times when I would get off initial sales calls with people or console calls or initial connections and think like, oh, like I, I didn't help my cause there. Or I was unsure. And so they felt unsure, right? I was I confuse the issue. I like there are sales kinds of things, and skills that you do need to build. Right. So if everybody's saying no, sometimes there's a skill issue there. There's a sales process issue. There are things to work on, however, ultimately, in the end, the know is not about you. It's about them. Because people say make a decision based on what they need. Like they don't say yes, because they want to help you out. They say yes, because they want what you have. They don't say no, because they think you're a bad person. They say no, because it's not a good fit. They say no, because they aren't confident you can help them. They say no, that they're not sure they're that they're worthy of the help you give. They say no for so many reasons. And when you hear no, it's not about you, like we take it so very personally. It doesn't mean like I said before, there's not work to be done. So when someone says no, or even Yes, like I sit down and I evaluate all of those calls, like I help clients all the time evaluate all those calls, it's like, okay, what worked? What didn't work? What would you do different? Right? It doesn't need to be a complex evaluation. If you sit down and you think like, okay, everything in this works, like if I had it to do over 10 times, again, I would do it exactly the same way. It's not a sales process thing. Right. At this point. For me, my sales process is really clear. It's really comfortable. It's really easy. It's easy. For me, it's easy for the client, it's easy for the person on the other end. Like I'm not afraid of new people. I'm confident in my skills, like there is no like confusion about what I offer. None of that's a problem for me. So when someone comes to the call it could it be there's a sales issue that goes on maybe Sure. But, you know, ultimately, there no, is there's people get to make their own decisions. And sometimes, despite all my best efforts, despite, you know, helping them to see that the kind of help I offer would be really useful to them in whatever way maybe it's just not time for them yet. Maybe they're still afraid. Maybe there are other things at play that I don't know about. Maybe they liked somebody better. That's all fine. But ultimately they're no is about them, and what they're trying to create and grow and not about me. So when I make it all about me it's a problem. Okay, like that's creating issues internally for me that aren't about things that like, are it's like generating drama. Like, do we don't we? Do we not have enough of that already friends like we have enough. So that's number three. 

And number four, is that no isn't actually a problem. I know that that's kind of the underlying theme here and one, two, and three. But no is not actually a problem. I'm gonna keep saying it, no is not actually a problem, period. It's a starting point. It's a beginning. Right? So like, and this is not me saying like, it's a starting point for negotiation, like, there are definitely like I was in a group program for a long time, that kind of sells like that. That's how they think about sales. The first No, is just an initial objection to overcome. And there are some times where I talk to people who are thinking about coaching, where they kind of say no, but you can tell there's more going on. So like, those are cases where there's an objection to overcome. But that's, that's not what I'm talking about here. No, is a starting point for you internally, when you hear no, it's like, okay, now I have something to work with, to work on to evaluate, to think about, to consider what I might change, to grow from, to grow with to add to my experience bank, right? The one of the ladies, some of the programs I'm in she used to say there are a finite number of ways to fail and an infinite number of ways to succeed. And that has always stuck with me because like the idea that there's a finite number of ways to hear no, or reasons to hear no are ways to fail, where it's like, oh, oh, I'm gonna check that one off now and not do it again, I can be done with it. Like that's kind of that's kind of magical, right? So no, is is not a problem. It's just like in math class, when a kid does something wrong when they get an answer wrong. For me, that's not a problem. It's proof they're trying a and it gives us something to work from, we can look back at their work and find where things went sideways. And in process correct, we can course correct. But if there's no work to go on, it's really hard to do that. So know is a starting point. It's a building block. And it's also a necessary building block. Like we don't go into business. And just immediately everybody says, Yes, I know, the internet tells us stories like that. But those stories are complete and utter crap. Like, that's not how this works. Those people are just skipping telling you part of the story. And that's just the truth of it. No, is necessary. Having things not work right is necessary. It's like learning to ride a bike, if you just hop on and it immediately works like you're that's not I mean, you fall off a couple of times, you even when you know how to ride a bike, you fall off, like how many adults do you know that have like skin something or broken something or done something crazy falling off a bike? I have a friend that just did it recently. So like she has been riding a bike for 35 years, she still fell off and happens. So no, ultimately is a building block of Yes. Like if you think about the word yes. And block letters, I just made a chart like this the other day, and I shared it on my Facebook feed and on my LinkedIn. If you think about Yes, in created in block letters, if you like sectioned, all those block letters up. They're all made of little tiny knows they are because failure is the underpinning of success. Right? No isn't like us failing. Like, we're not failing, we're not giving up. But it is part of what we do to build success. We hear no. So if you heard no recently, time to reframe it. If you haven't heard knows lately, it's time to ask why. Like, if you're not hearing No, are you out there enough? If you're only hearing yes and sweet, let's talk about it. Because I want to know why you're only hearing Yes. But you know if this is how it's working for you, like think about where you are in this. If you're not hearing anything from anyone, is it about visibility? Is it about how you're making invitations? If you're getting a lot more yeses than you can handle? What do you want to change? If you're making no entirely about you? How can we think about it differently and reframe it so that it is not entirely your baggage? And then if you're making no a problem, how can you treat it as a starting point instead? Because that's really what it is ultimately. And listen, here's the thing. This is the kind of work we do in coaching. This is what I do with clients. It is definitely what I do with myself. These tools are here for a reason. There are sometimes sales process things that we have to work out I like helping people understand how to make an offer on the call, how to close calls. This is something we spent a couple of weeks on in my small group program. Last round, I build the program every time to meet the people who are in it, it is highly individualized to the people that are in the program. And last time, we needed to talk about sales calls and closing them. So we did some of that. Now, the next round of small group coaching is starting here in about six weeks, the groups are filling up now. There are kept it small groups of four so that we can look at people's goals and the things that are struggled. And I as a coach can sit back and plan and bring things to the group to consider and we can work on exactly the things that you as individuals, and the group needs to move businesses forward. Like that's what we're going to do. So if you are interested in small group coaching, if you're like, I don't know if I'm interested. It's time to talk about it. Because like, listen, I'm not a scary sales call person I and I, I am capable of hearing No, I mean, I don't like it, but I can hear it and I know what to do with it. So I won't die if you tell me no, I promise I'm still here. But if you're interested in small group coaching, if it might be the right fit for you, now's the time to talk about it. Because those spots, I probably have two or three left at this point. So if it's on the table for you, now's the time to talk about it. Otherwise, let's go hear some nose. Because really, they're not the bad sign you think they are. There's nothing wrong with you. If you hear and it's not a problem. It's a good sign. If you're not my Facebook group, come join this week to on the let's see eighth, Thursday the eighth. I'm doing a free live live in the group training thing workshop workshops the right word called uncomplicated pricing. So if you struggle with pricing, come on into the group and let's play. Otherwise, have a great week. I'll see you next week here on the podcast.