Trusting Your Connections and Your Value with Deb Stanley

In this episode of Uncomplicating Business, Deb Stanley and I chat about (you guessed it!) the power of trust—including trusting yourself, your business, and the connections you build along the way. Deb shares her growth from hesitant entrepreneur to confident business owner, and we talk about what it *really* takes to recognize your own value, price your services with confidence, and keep showing up. We're also talking about the magic of networking, the importance of taking action instead of over-planning, and how trust can help you build resilience in business. Let's GO! 

Sara Torpey:  

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Deb Stanley:

I offer an initial free session for coaching.

https://www.facebook.com/deb.stanley.33
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/deb-stanley-21548840/
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https://www.transitionbridges.com/

Transcript

Hi everybody. Welcome to uncomplicating business. I am Sara, you know me, probably I teach a course called selling for weirdos. I am a business coach. I do a lot of things, and I talk a lot about trust, because it matters. 

Today we are going to talk to, get another of my favorite people. I think every time I do one of these interview, I'm gonna say that, but like, I've invited all of my favorite people, so I'm not not, you know, I also have other favorite people. But listen one thing at a time. 

Today, we are going to talk to one of the bestest in the bunch, Deb Stanley. Deb is a million things and a million things well, which is constantly amazing, including Mrs. Claus PS, just so you know that's true. She is a retired Special Ed teacher, and after retirement, she started her first business because she has multiple that she wouldn't admit out loud, transition bridges, where she works with students and their families after graduation from high school. You know students that have special needs unsure what to do and have to figure out how to go into life. She is also an author of many books. We're going to talk about that, and then works through the process of helping other people write and publish their books through her book coaching, she does all kinds of things. So I am thrilled Vince, to have Deb here with us today. 

So hi, Deb, how are you? Hi, I'm so excited to be here. And you're one of my favorite people, too, and you know it, and you're in my head all the time. Sarah, so mad before we hopped on i Everybody has to hear this. We were talking about, I had said to Deb, here's how we're going to start, here's the first question I'm going to ask. And she was like, Oh no. And I was like, Wait, but we just make things up as we go. And what we started talking about is this thought I have about my business all the time that like businesses, like literally, the business I have the businesses Deb, has we had a thought one day, we had nothing, and then we had a thought one day, and now we have a business like that. We make money from a thought we happen to have out of the air like it came from it was a nothing, and now is a something, and that's crazy, like we're magicians. 

So if you're not sure you're a magician today, you're a magician, right? Deb looked at me like, I was like, she was like, what, right? What did you you were we were talking about it, and it's so true. It's so true. And I said, you know, I I know that, like, there's been a lot of research that says our thoughts create what we have right now, but I never really connected it with my business, like my marriage, my family, teaching, but I never really connected that with my business. But, yeah, it was a thought, and here it is. Well, any real, a real thing, right? One of the most concrete examples, right? Like you, you didn't have to meet someone else, like, and have that all work out. You didn't have to have science do any part of it. Like, there was no biology, there was no other people in the mix. You literally, like, had a thought and started a thing, and here it is. It's crazy, like it is the most magical thing to me. So I think about that all the time. So we are going to start today.

 We're going to talk about trust. Because you all know this is the theme. It is, what it is you're stuck with me, um, with by talking about how you define trust today, like, what does it mean to you? What does trust mean to you? What does it mean to trust yourself in your business? What talk to me about? Where you start with the idea is trust.

And when I'm had a when I think about trust, I think about faith in something that it will work out. And I also have faith I'm a Christian, so I have faith in that sense too, but faith that it'll work out, or I'll figure it out and I'll figure it out, came from you, Sara, and it helps us make that leap. I think that you know what I'm not going to know all the answers. Like when I first started, I wanted a blueprint. I wanted some answers. I wanted a blueprint. I like you told me what to do, and I'll do it. But that's not how this works. And it was through your coaching that you you know one of your famous things is all figured out, and that confidence that, oh, okay, sitting here and thinking about it and trying to plan all the things is not going to make it happen. I need to take action, and then it'll work out as I think it works. And, yeah,
well, it is, and it is, you know, that idea that a there's two parts in there, I think that matter, that all matters, but there's two particular things, I think. 

The first is. Is that it is about kind of knowing that something's going to happen, right, like you know enough about it you can do the next thing. You just have to try something, right? You don't necessarily know. You don't have evidence yet, but once you try something, you will, and it's the leap between planning, gosh, you're a teacher. I'm a teacher. I like a plan. I like a plan so much, but the plan doesn't tell me anything. 

There's no evidence that comes out of me having a plan besides like I had an idea. It doesn't, it doesn't then tell me what to do with my trust, right? It just sits, yeah, it's true. Yeah, I think of it because I'm, you know, I was a teacher too, and that plan got, you know, tweaked, and as we went, because if kids didn't understand something we had, I had to keep thinking about how to, you know, tweak that lesson. And with special education, like 5000 factors going on. So thinking about, okay, how do I navigate this new, new territory? And that constant, even with the plan, it was constantly changing and figuring it out, right? Yeah,
well, and no teacher ever walked into a day and thought like this plan is going to go step by step, exactly the way I have it, like it was an outline at best, right? Like at best. 

And what's interesting is we're really good in a classroom at that. And then we take that same plan somewhere else, and we're like, no step 4b says that this is how it's supposed to work here, and we forget to bring our flexibility. And I think trust gives us flexibility, right? You trusted yourself as a teacher to figure it out. What we build is trusting ourselves as business owners to figure it out. Yeah, yeah. And you said that on a podcast recently, and it stuck with me that if you went back into the classroom, you knew you could figure it out and how to take that feeling into your business. And I love that, because that is true. I mean, a special education classroom today would look a little different, but I can figure some stuff out. Yeah. And so taking that feeling of confidence and trust into my business and going, You know what, I still have the same capability of figuring stuff out as I did in the classroom, yeah, so well. And you can just pick that feeling up and move it, and it's like, oh no, no, I know how to feel this. I I know how to do this. T

his is crazy. So I think you and I have known each other a long time now, which is wild to me, like pre COVID, even because you were Santa and Mrs. Claus for my kids in COVID. Oh, I love that. That was last, that was yes, Deb is so the journey to trust has been ongoing, right? Talk to me about what it has looked like, I think, and I want to make a distinction, because I think there's a difference between trusting yourself as a business person and trusting your business as an entity. So can you talk to me first about what it's looked like to learn to trust yourself as a business person.

Um, yeah, like I kind of alluded that when just from sitting here thinking about it, you know, and trying to figure it all out, and finally, just having to take that first step out and going, I'll figure it out as I go. I can't sit here and think or buy the next course, or I had a coach who was not fabulous, so But taking that action and then figuring out a little bit at a time, and the business keeps evolving, and knowing that's okay, too, what I started out doing, I still do, but now it's expanded into other areas Yeah, I don't really know how to separate the business from myself trusting. But anyway, so Well, what I would say, part of the reason I asked it that way of you is because I think there was a journey. There was a hate the word journey, super much, but there is, there's sort of this pathway you walked about, which is just a cinnamon for synonym for journey. But whatever this path you walked towards, like trust in the idea that you have is valuable and that people want and need it, which is a trust in you, right? As a business owner like that. 

You can do the things that running a business takes, that you have something people want and need, like it is that deep rooted grounding. But I think also on the other side, you've you've worked to learn to trust that the people who need you will are out there, that they will. See the value of what you do that saying to them, this is how much it costs. Will murder neither of you, like neither of you will die from it. And that's really hard sometimes, and that, like growing the business doesn't hurt anybody, it helps them, right? And I think that those are sort of separate pathways, almost, because sometimes people get the like, I can grow the business, but they're not grounded in themselves. And sometimes people are grounded in themselves, but they're like, but nobody's going to buy this. And those are competing, and that's really hard, I think, and you have both that move really well, yeah, yeah, it Yeah.

 Definitely didn't start out that way. And you have known me from the beginning so and just you know knowing how to charge I, I started my business out. I literally stood in front of a group of school personnel and said, so I started this business, but I'm not going to charge anyone. And people kind of looked at me like, well, good luck with that. Because it was people in our realm of special education. I said, I don't want money to be a barrier for people. I want them to be able to get the help that they need. But I had a friend say, how are you going to start a business and not charge anyone? Good luck with that. So that whole piece has been a growth, you know, it has been growth for me, and knowing I can help people and I can charge and feel good about it. Am I going to charge them to make a connection?

 No, but I can. I've written a resource book. Now I can sell my resource book. I can. I've done some advocating, so kind of figuring that piece out. And then what in writing books? People started coming to me as a book coach, and then I felt like, Okay, I feel like I can do all the things I do with disability, and now I'm starting to speak, so that's fun. So we don't know you are. We don't know until we get out there and try different things. But we can't run a business and not charge people. It doesn't work so but I also, I was talking with a friend yesterday, and she was oh, because she's kind of struggling with the same thing. And I said, wouldn't go to get our hair cut and not pay that person. 

We want to pay that person for a service. And I've learned when people invest in something I know for myself, financially, I'm going to be more invested than I am. If something's free, that's just how we are as people. So there's going to be that accountability piece. There's I've invested in this now I'm going to get everything I can out of it. And if it's free, we may not, we may not feel that way. So there's full shift, yeah, and it it is. And that works both ways, right? Like, if you invested, you are invested, but that comes to us from the other side. Like, I can remember conversations with you where you said, I'm helping these people, but like, they're not with me right early on, and it was like, well, because they're not as invested as you, because you've hadn't been requiring that investment of them. And sometimes the way we ask people to invest is through money first, and then their energy comes with it, right?

 Because they're making an intentional choice at that point. And that's really hard for the teacher heart to do, I think, until we realize that it's not an or it's not, like, it's not service or income, it's service and income, right? Like it's, it's not, they're not mutually exclusive, but it's like, Oh, rats, okay, right? Yeah. So do you think that, as a business owner, talk to me about the role of trust in day to day business. For you,
I think one of the most tricky things has been thinking that there won't be another client. I had a client we finished. What we're doing is, if it's the book, or they've moved in along on their on their journey, the word that you love, their disability journey, and and I think, oh, and then there's this, like, little, there could be a little gap or a little and I That's okay. I'm just gonna still, I'm still gonna show up. And as I'm showing up, things will happen. I will find, you know, I'm making those connections. I'm showing up. I just trusting that there's always someone there who needs what we have to offer always there's always someone there. It's a matter of just continue to make those connections. And so one example is I was at my favorite coffee shop the other day. 

We have a coffee shop in our community that employs people with disabilities, and I met with someone through a mutual connection. She said, you too need to meet because this, oh, I can say her name. Thea had just moved into the area from Washington, and she wants to be part of a community and start a community. Community for people who struggle with autism, and she's an adult daughter with autism, and she's a whole service that she offers. And as we're meeting, we're chatting, and I'm giving her all kinds of connections, and I can because I know people in our community giving her some suggestions for starting that in her own community around here now, and someone in the coffee shop. Came over and said, Hey, Doug, what are you writing? What? You know, I have your book, la, la, and this person what we write books, because I have one almost finished.

 Can you coach me? I went, Yes. So, you know, we just have to keep showing up and making those connections. And as we give, we also receive what we need. And that's been huge, Sara, huge for me. Did y'all hear her? Did you hear what she just said? As we give, we also receive what we need, right? That the, it's funny, the thing I always when I get in my head about, like, where's the next person coming from? Where's the next person coming from? Like, is there going to be another person I tend I have taught myself, because I didn't have this always, to stop and be like, Okay, do I really think that I have met the last person that is I am going to help? And that's ridiculous, and the ridiculousness of that always strikes me, and it's like, okay, my job is just like you said, to show up and make connections. So if I'm not sure where the next person is coming from or who I'm going to help Next, it's time to start talking to people. And like, you are a super connector. 

You're a super people person. You're a super connected, happy to be like, Oh, let me talk to you know, you're actually one of the first people I think of often when people are, when I come across teachers in the world who are going into the business world, and they're like, I don't even know what to how to start. I'm like, Oh, the first person you should talk to is Deb, because she knows a a million people, but it's really, has seen where you are and how you've been, and just loves the people part. And it's like an easy intro to, like, how do you even have a connection call with somebody, right? Like, I'll have a connection call with them. But then, you know, it's new for people, right? And that takes time. And so it's, you know, that want to be like, Okay, I don't actually know. I trust it's going to work itself out, but I have to do my part, and that's the action you were talking about earlier. Like trust is not let me sit back and wait for it to come to me. Trust is knowing if I do my work, everything's going to work out. This is what I'm teaching my 10 year old right now.

Oh, well, that's a whole other. Yeah. I mean connectedness is my my number one Strengths Finder strength, if you're familiar strengths, but I love connection, and I That's one reason, when you talk about connection, it resonates with me, because I love that like that fills my cup. I can do that and and connecting people with each other is oh my gosh, that just really that makes my day. And I know, I know you're the same. I have a friend who literally will come to me and say, I want to connect with this person. And they know you so you connect us, because that common connector is huge, too. So when you do that, you know, anytime you need to meet this person, immediately, I have trust, right? I know, yeah, so I will, I always make sure to connect with that person. Yes, I trust you, and I know you, and if you're a mutual connector, then it's good. It's going to be good. 

So Well, those people are so it's so fun to look at somebody and be like, Who do I know that you need? Like, there's definitely people like, that's the most fun. And I think that connection is such a strength, and it makes such a difference in I think the more people you connect to, the more you see, the more you get to see the larger picture of it, all right, of the interconnectedness of people, and of how, like this connection from this thing, and all of a sudden that person said, oh, I need help with x. And either you had it, or you knew somebody who did, and you start to see how the you sort of get the bird's eye view of the process of connection and giving and how that then turns into business, right?

 And I think one of the things I think you should, I would love to have you talk about, I'm like, I'm gonna make you talk about, let me, let me, let me, is, I think you have always been really good at connection, but I think one of the things you really worked at and learned hard was moving from connecting to advocating for your business, right? Because that's really what you do now. Yes. It's been, yes, it's been one of the hardest challenges for me. The connection is easy, but then how to turn that conversation into I can help you, and this is how, and this is the cost, and this is what I offer. And also trusting that our value is far surpasses whatever we're going to charge it does so, and having trust in that is for a while it's like, well, I don't know, and, and what's your coach in that? 

Like, whoa, wait. What do you mean? You don't know. We don't see our own value. It takes somebody else to see that sometimes and to and then we have to trust that person. If they say they see our value, that, okay, it's there, and now I need to convey that to people I'm connecting with, and transfer that into a business transaction. And but the way you do it is so simple, and it feels good and it you know, that's the selling for weirdos. Like, it's not the typical sales where you just feel yucky and like, oh. And I started out feeling that way, and I think part of that was I was always looking to see what I could get from that person. 

Like, I need to pay my bills. I need money I need. And that was what probably came across, instead of showing up and being present and just listening, and then as conversation evolves to go, oh, you know what? I know someone who can help you, or I can help you. And this is what that looks like, and it's a very natural part of conversation. It's like my time at the at the coffee shop the other day, what a natural way to I didn't go in even thinking that, but this person said, I have a book. Can you help me? Yes, absolutely. This is what it looks like. Let me know if you're interested. We can talk more. So, yeah, it, but it's been a process, you know? It, it's been a process. It's not natural necessarily.

It's both natural, and we don't trust it to be natural, right? Like it we I think the two things that are really interesting in there is that it's both. There is a point in every one of those interactions where a lot of people in business deflect, and somebody will say, Well, that sounds great. Like, how could you help me with that? And they're like, Oh no, no, you know, I'm not sure you'd want me, or I'm happy to do it for free. Or like, let me write, we start to deflect the idea that they could want us, like you just said, a minute ago. They'll say, hey, how does it work? And I have to be willing, excuse me, to receive that, or receive the money, or receive them working with me. And there is a point where people sort of start to deflect, like, Oh no, no, no, not me. I'm not enough for you kind of thing in whatever way. And it is sort of stopping that natural inclination, because you're grounded and selling for weird as we talk about grounding and connecting and inviting. 

So you're grounded enough in yourself to know you can help them, and then you're connecting just like a regular person. And when and if they say, Hey, that sounds great. Can you help me? You get to like, not be like, no, no, not me, not me. I'm not enough, right? And so it's an interesting process, right? Because it is natural if we allow it to be natural, and we don't stop it halfway through because of our own kind of anxieties and worries about whether or not that person actually wants us and we can actually help them. And all the things like, tell me your thoughts there well, and I remember it when you were when you were just talking, I remember you saying early on, it's it's unethical, or maybe that's how I interpreted it, but to not offer something, if somebody's coming to you and they're saying, I'm struggling in this area, and we know we have something to offer, and we don't offer it. It's an unethical not to offer. Why wouldn't we help that person? Right? And also, then, I think a lot of times, and I still struggle with this a little bit, but just projecting our own, like, well, I know that's not going to be in your budget, to do that in our head, not that the person says it, or maybe they do, and then the same thing, figuring it out, okay, but not assuming that or not. We don't know. We don't know what other people value investing in. 

We don't know, and we don't necessarily know if they can afford something or they can't, so taking that off the table too, and just offering and letting them make the decision and going from there so well. And I think that first thought that it's unethical. I think that all the time, and I say that to people all the time, it's like, you're carrying around the secret solution in your pocket, and you're like, but I'm going to keep it a secret from you, like you don't. To run around with your little secret in your pocket that helps people and not help the people when they're standing in front of you. And yes, it does cost money, but you know, I think about this all the time. I do not love when other people decide things for me. I don't love it, as my husband will tell you, I am basically, like, ungovernable about at this point, like I am enough of a business owner. 

I was running an event a couple weeks ago, and one of the people, sort of, who were curious about it, kept asking me all these questions. And I was like, Go away. Leave me alone. You left me in charge. Like, stop talking to me about this. Like, I know you're not my boss. I don't have a boss go away. And I was, like, so belligerent, my husband's like, you are, oh, my like, I can't be managed. But it's interesting how willing we are to say no for other people, through our assumptions.

 Like, I don't like when people say no. For me, if I ask you how much it is. It's because I want to know if, and from there, I get to decide whether or not I have that money. And like I have been over the years, am constantly in awe of, like, the assumptions I made and how wrong they were. Number one, because there were people that'll be like, I have said pricing to people that I thought were going to be like, Oh no, not that. And they went, that's all. And you're like, Oh, crap. And then at the same time, I've had people, you know, who I could not figure out how they were affording things be like, Oh, but this is from the money I inherited, or this thing over here, that thing over there, and you're like, Oh, well, why am I spending this much mental energy when this was none of my business to begin with, right? And so it really makes a difference to, like, just let that decision be their decision, right? Like, we don't get to choose how people spend their money. All we get to do is offer Right, right? Yeah, I really. I love that. I don't like being told what to do either. So I get it and and we don't know. 

We don't know each of us values different things and invest in different things. So it's not fair to make that assumption and then offer something and maybe that person would have really benefited. I won't even say maybe they will benefit. We know they will benefit from what we offer, and that we're going to give them way more value than they even paid for. So yeah, and trusting that process.

Yeah, well, and have you ever had a case? I have this periodically where you know somebody's paying and you just can't, you feel a little like they're not getting quite enough, but you have to trust that they are. Like, every now and then I have somebody that I'm like, gosh, I don't know what kind of good I'm doing here. And then inevitably, they'll like, renew or come back to me for something, or send me a referral, and it's like, Oh, I really felt like I wasn't doing enough, but clearly they were okay, and I was making assumption, do you have that happen sometimes? Oh yeah, absolutely. It's hard to some people are easier to read than others, so we know that they're getting what you know, they're getting value, and then other people are just hard to read and like, are you okay? Are we good do? Is there something else I can do? Am I serving you well?

 Let me know that conversation. Anything that's that conversation is fine too, especially in book coaching, when people still aren't writing their books. What is it? Is it on you? Is it on me? Like, what can I What are the blocks here? I'm happy to we can try a different way. But you have to talk like, why aren't you writing your book? They have to let me know, and I will do everything I can to help you. But also it's on the other person to actually write the book, and I had to take that off of me too. Well, they don't write it. You know, it's a hard process, and it's not that I didn't offer enough, maybe, but that conversation, how else can I serve you? I'm not sure. Are you getting value from what I'm offering? If not, what do we need to do differently? And if you are awesome so well, and it's like, what are you getting? What do you need? And what is the distance that needs to be bridged? Because you can be getting really important things. Sometimes I forget. I don't forget. Sometimes I overlook the non tangible things people get right from coaching or from connection, or those things where sometimes the ability to be seen and heard and say the things they need to say, change the process for them. I just might not get to see it all right?

 It's like I taught eighth graders, and they would leave me and go to ninth grade, and I would never know, right? You got used to that idea as a teacher, but in coaching, in working with. People in service. I think it is the same. Sometimes we just have to know we did our part and walk away. And I don't like I didn't like that as a teacher, and I don't like it now it is. It is part of it, like you don't know. Maybe they're done with coaching, and maybe they came back to their book, because now their life and brain have ordered themselves in a way, but they don't need to tell you that, because they don't report to you, right?

That's very true and and a lot of times people just write their book, and then maybe, or they start to and they're like, you know, I'm not ready to do this. I'm not ready for this to be out into the world. It's a healing process. So even with that, where they may not have started the writing process, but they did because we they were being coached. And out of that, they found, oh, you know what? I needed to write, just for my own healing and my own understanding of what happened, or whatever it is, so and, yeah, just that like, Well, I'm not a writer. If so many people I'm not a writer, I'm not a writer. Well, if you're writing, you're a writer. So it's like when people tell you they're not a math person, but you know, you're
all math people, folks. Yeah, so just write and we'll figure all of it out later. Don't it's the process sometimes that we need, and we don't. We don't know that right away to I don't know, but if you have something on your heart that you feel like other people will benefit from, then you need to write it, and maybe you're the one who needs to benefit from it, and that's okay, too. And trusting that process, yeah, I was
gonna say that's a whole separate version which comes right there, right? Yes, is this is what I feel like needs to happen and I want to do. And trusting that that is the pathway, whether you know where it ends up or not, right, right? And it wasn't even if you don't finish your book, but you feel like you were healed through that journey. That's amazing, right? Taking that off too, that's a win. And when you're talking about wins all the time, and that's a win. 

If you wrote something and you wrote it for you, that's a win, yeah? So it's not always the end result. Like, when we put ourselves out there and we tell people, we offer, that's the win, I love that from you, because I think about that a lot, like, that's the win. And if we actually, yeah, that's the win right there, that we took that stop and we put ourselves out there and we showed up and we connected, and then the other is icing on the cake, you know? But yes, yeah, well, they don't have control over that. That's exactly right. And I think part of the function of trust is knowing with a capital K, right? 

My friend Stacy always talks about knowing, and I always think about it with capital K. Knowing is the knowing that I can start the path, but my plan, my internal planner, my teacher planner, wants to know which kind of tree I'll see on day 64 right? Like, what color, how tall, what kind of bird will be in it, right? And that, like I might not even be in a place that has trees by then, right? That the how we get to the place, and what it looks like when we get there, isn't what we can conceive right here, right? We can't even see step step 64 we can see step one and maybe some of step two and three, if we're lucky, but we can't see that far, even though we really want you, I would really like to, but that how doesn't necessarily look like we think it does, and we have to trust that. 

And that sucks we do. I think the other thing is we need to look at where we've been so often we're looking to the next step and like we don't look at the whole staircase and look down and think, Whoa, I started down at the landing, and now, you know, look where I am now and and celebrating that well, because, you know, did you if we took 2019 Deb, would she have any idea where you are? Now? No, Was this her plan? 2019 I think I can't remember now, but there was a year where I was like, I'm done. You know, I've been in this business 10 years, so I don't remember when you're selling for weirdos. Course, came out, but that was the year that I was thinking, I, I, I'm done. I I haven't made a profit. I don't I'm doing things in the community, but it's and I will continue to do that, because I love to do that. But as far as the business and charging and finding people, it's just not happening, and then you're selling for weirdos. Course, turn that upside down, and through all the reflection and all of the like, Oka

y, I began to understand my value. I understood and I like, I love to connect. Why wouldn't I keep connecting? And why wouldn't I I can do that. I can show up. I can connect. I. Can formulate a plan of some kind as much as we can. But yeah, that that, course, totally flipped everything around. And I think about that a lot, because I think, what if I hadn't done that, all the people who wouldn't have books out, who wouldn't have been maybe helped as much as they have been. I don't know, I continue to do the disability piece, but still, I was really discouraged. I may have given up on a lot of it, and just thought, forget it. I'm just going to be retired. And, yeah, you know, and forget the business piece.

 I obviously am not good at it, so, yeah, I thanked you before. And truly that, course, I always promote it to people. If you connect me, I promote it because it flipped everything around. Even if you don't connect me, I promote it. It flipped everything for me, and I think about the ripple effect that wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have stayed in business. So 2019 Deb could never have envisioned 2025 Deb, it's wild, isn't it? It is like had no version of this picture, right? Like people will say to me, oh, did you always plan to go to business? Go into business, and I just laugh. I laugh and laugh because no, she planned to be in a classroom, right? She planned. She didn't plan to live in Pennsylvania.

 She didn't plan any of this nonsense. Like none of this was on the bingo card. Like it didn't, wasn't even my bingo card, right? Like it, I couldn't conceive of this bingo card. So I, I think that there's an act of trust that is sort of that metal level of pathway trust, but it's the day to day. Like, I'm going to take the next small step, right? I'm going to take the next small step that gets you on the other
card is different. Hold please. This one has all kinds of strange things on it, like, what's a funnel, but it is that that day to day trust that builds that larger scale trust, right? Like, tell me what is like, what is sort of, I think of it all the time as, like, the blessing and the curse of trust, right? Like, what is, what works for you right now as you practice trust, because it's a practice like, what are the things that you do to practice and what are the things that you're like that one's always a proud
problem. Well, the blessing of it is the trusting to like I said, just keep showing up. I think we have a tendency, I do to sit and think about things. Or, like, I thought, Oh, I like to do more speaking and like, Okay, well, why am I not doing that and that? 

Then I had to do the next jump of like, okay, I have something to offer. I need to just offer and just do it. But that, you know, it's another area now that's like, can I really do this. And yes, I can, and that's kind of that piece. I don't know is that trusting again, but in connecting with my bank person, of all people, because I was having a banking problem one day, and I went in and an hour on the phone trying to figure it out, we got to talking about transition bridges, what it is, and she is an adult brother with disabilities. So do you know about this resource? Do you know about that? Nope, nope, nope. Slavery, copy of my book and and then she talked with another person who runs the ability piece of our bank, and should we come talk to our like ability? People said, Sure, so like it's but again, it's those connections and trusting that, but then it's trusting that we're going to have what we need for the next thing, whatever that is, yep, it was a stay with book coaching. 

Can I really help people? I know I can write my books, but can I really help people write their books and just putting myself out there? And then, yeah, actually, now there's some people with books out, and they're making an amazing one of the people I helped just raised $15,000 he's a junior in high school for Alzheimer's research. Holy cow, yeah, so and I would have been done. I wouldn't have helped him, because I would have been done by then. By the time he asked, I would have been like, nope, but I gave him my business card store, local bookstore, and they found me that way. But yeah, he wrote this book letters to grandpa after his grandma passed away from Alzheimer's. Because he his grandpa was, it was hard, if you can imagine. And so these letters that are amazing coming from at then he was, like, 12 I think, oh my god, the little chills. 

Oh yeah, this book, he went door to door selling this past summer and raised $15,000 for Alzheimer's research. And that's where all the money from his books go. And that wouldn't have happened. And I'm like, That is huge. And. I didn't do that, you know, you did, but, but you they needed, yeah, they needed, they needed, sort of the facilitation, and they needed the the centering and the confidence and the you can do this, and the here's how it works, here's what you do next, right? 

It's, I think there's a difference between a blueprint and a roadmap, right? A Blueprint is like, step four a, step 4b Step 4c road map is like, well, here are the roots, right? Here are all the ways we can get to that place. Like, do you want to see trees? Do you want to see water? Do you want the trip to be short? Do you want it to be long? What kind of trip Do you want to take? Right? The Blueprint is like your GPS navigation map directions, which I tend to ignore, and my kids get really upset by because I have a sense of the roads in my head, right? And I know what the options are like. It's kind of you get your job is, you know, sort of travel planning, right? It's like, where are we going, how are we getting there? What are the options? What do you like, what do you don't? How does it work for you? Like, it's magic. When all that comes together, that's magic. You have to tell you. The coaching from Sara today is like, go into your Facebook and tell his story on the video. Be like, Hey, here's one of the things that we've done, and here's his book, and he's amazing. You should buy it. But also like, this is what I do.
Yeah, that's good idea. I like that. I have promoted him before because he's just amazing. Junior in high school.

 He just developed a course for other high schoolers. And I know he's amazing,
where you're like, okay, kid, okay, slow down, hold on. He just wants to,
he wants to help people. And so there again. You know, it's that big heart, and usually people in business want to help somebody. So it's, how do we do that? And like I said, it's trusting in our value and trusting that we have something somebody needs and wants, and not doubting that. Because if we start doubting that and almost quit, like I did, we don't know, we'll never know, like, what could have been and and the people that we help are doing amazing things. I'm sure you're finding that too amazing things. 

Amazing thing, wow. I think part of what you actually practice in day to day is just remembering, right, why you're here, who it helps, what you do, what you're good at, that it makes a difference, right? Is really, like, very practical in the moment, like, oh, no, wait, I can do this, right? And taking, it's the taking the action. It is the remembering that, like you do have what you need, and it works itself out, and then sort of re remembering when your brain was like, Oh, I don't know what to do next. And it's like, no, no, I do. It's sort of teaching your brain, that pathway versus the like. I don't know what to do now. And I think in a practical like, sort of takeaway for people, it's like, this is that is practice like that didn't just show up one day and you were like, No, I have it all. I'm good. I got it No, did not happen that way. I don't know if you're listening in her ears. You can't see the face she just made at me.

Like, absolutely not. No, it did not happen that way. No, it's practice, right? It's work. It is and it, it's, it's so interesting to me that it is, like hard work, but nobody sees it, and so I think we discount it, but it's the work that makes the most difference, which is why, like trust is the theme this year, because it is the hard work that makes the most difference. Without this, we're sunk kind of thing, I think. But it is it, it makes even a little bit more trust makes an exponential impact, right? Mm, hmm, yeah, that's true. That's true. We see the roots before the fruits, right? There's roots under the ground that we have no idea. We don't see anything yet. And then all of a sudden, we start to see a little, little blossom, a little bit of fruit. And we go, Oh, there. Oh, but it's been working at that trust
that yes, yes, the trust in the roots before the fruits.

 Oh my gosh, right. So if there's one thing about trust that you want people to walk away with and think about, what do you think it is? Um, I think, if anything, it would be to to trust in what you're offering, to trust that you have something to offer that's a value to people, and I think, and to just show up and serve. I think, so often we get in our own heads. And I some days I just need to go to my coffee shop, because I know when I go. I'm going to make a connection of some kind, and even if it's with the B wrister, you know, but, but I'm going to make one. 

They call the B wristers, because it's Kenzie B, but, anyway, but I'm going to make a connection and serve somehow, even in some little way, and that is going to keep me on the right, I don't know, I don't want to see the right path, but just trusting in the process keep you in yourself, right? And I think that's when I'm really outside of  myself. I think, like, okay, how can I connect to somebody today? Mm, hmm, right. Who do I want to reach out? Can I serve? How can I connect? Yeah, how can I be of help today? Like the the question I ask at some point every day is like, what's the most useful thing I can share today? And it's like, constantly, sometimes I'm like, oh, sometimes I'm surprised. 

Like, like, straight up surprised, where I'm like, well, actually the most useful thing I could share is that workshop I'm doing, or this workshop my friend is doing, or, you know that every day doesn't feel like you're being useful. Sometimes I like, overly honest, is my jam, like, and so I think sometimes all of that matters for people, like it's useful for people to see they're not the only person trying to human their way through this and that, but that trust in like, if I'm not sure what to do, I can, I can show up and connect, is pretty important, friend.

So it's very important. It's something in our power to do so much we feel is out of our control, but that's in our control, to show up and serve and connect. So I love that. It feels empowering, like I can do that. Excuse me, the dog decided to participate today. Oh, she's been a whole vibe today, but So Deb Stanley, you are my most favorite.

 Thank you so much for doing this with me today. Friends. Deb is all the places she's on Facebook and LinkedIn. She has a link to her store on Amazon. I will make sure you get that. And her website link to transition bridges, bridges in all of the background stuff. I'm gonna hope the dog can stop talking to me, and we will make sure you can find her all the places, because she is like, if you're looking for like a really human person to connect with, and even if this is a skill set you're practicing and you're trying to be just like a human who understands how to do this. Deb is magic, quite honestly, magic in 1000 ways, and she is one of my favorite people to be like you need to meet. Is my friend. Deb, thank you friends, so much for doing this with me today. 

Thank you too. You know you're one of my favorite people too, and and you're in my head. So it is in a good way. She means that in a good way, friends,
I appreciate you too, and thank you for this opportunity. And oh my gosh, you're amazing too.

I love you back. If you are looking for me, you can find me on the Facebook and in my group, which is called uncomplicating business for teachers, helpers and givers, just like this podcast, you will find Deb there too. You can come look at selling for weirdos, because Deb is like my walking billboard in the most magical way. She really is. It makes a difference to be able to sell in a way that feels like you and come talk to me about all things, because I like to connect to people too. So friends, I will talk to you in two more weeks with Yeah, another the people that are lined up are so exciting to me. I love the people part of this and I will talk to you all soon. Bye