In this heartfelt installment, I'm thrilled to have my son Cameron back by popular demand, as we candidly discuss the delicate balance between being a parent and a friend. We laugh, we muse, and we get real about why that "mom voice" or "dad voice" inevitably has to take precedence over buddy-buddy banter. Listen in as Cameron and I explore the affection and respect that form the foundation of our mother-son relationship, all the while understanding that parenting comes with boundaries and sometimes tough love.
The conversation takes a tender turn as we confront the all-too-familiar pangs of mom-guilt. We share our personal stories and healing processes, and acknowledge that forgiveness and understanding can bridge gaps left by past regrets. Tune in for an emotional journey where laughter and wisdom go hand in hand, and where the love between a mother and her child shines through, even in the most challenging moments.
In this heartfelt installment, I'm thrilled to have my son Cameron back by popular demand, as we candidly discuss the delicate balance between being a parent and a friend. We laugh, we muse, and we get real about why that "mom voice" or "dad voice" inevitably has to take precedence over buddy-buddy banter. Listen in as Cameron and I explore the affection and respect that form the foundation of our mother-son relationship, all the while understanding that parenting comes with boundaries and sometimes tough love.
The conversation takes a tender turn as we confront the all-too-familiar pangs of mom-guilt. We share our personal stories and healing processes, and acknowledge that forgiveness and understanding can bridge gaps left by past regrets. Tune in for an emotional journey where laughter and wisdom go hand in hand, and where the love between a mother and her child shines through, even in the most challenging moments.
0:00:03 - Jess
If you're new here, welcome! And if you came back, oh, God bless ya! Thank you for coming back. This is the Jesus Fix It Podcast with Jess. We talk about everything: life, its craziness, it's ups and downs. ‘Cause you know what, Jesus can fix it and He can handle it all. Guess who's back?
0:00:25 - Cameron
The favorite, the favorite what?
0:00:28 - Jess
Calm down, okay. Oh, first of all, my son, Cameron, is back by special request. You were, you were ahead. Amazing Thank you for joining me. In my last podcast, I have to say, because I'm your mom and I love you. I did have another guest who rescheduled, and so that's why thank you for stepping in.
0:00:54 - Cameron
It's okay, my schedule cleared up as well.
0:00:56 - Jess
Okay, but I am so glad that people liked you, and this is one thing somebody said you and your son, Cameron. It seemed like the best of friends. Am I your friend?
0:01:09 - Cameron
No.
0:01:11 - Jess
What.
0:01:11 - Cameron
Not at all. You're what us kids are calling “opps”.
0:01:16 - Jess
Is that some kind of slang?
0:01:18 - Cameron
You would tell on me if you needed to.
0:01:21 - Jess
You know what, You're not wrong. I feel like you know what You're not wrong and I'm not mad at you for not calling me your friend, because I honestly feel like parents can't be friends with their children.
0:01:33 - Cameron
I agree, and don't get me wrong You're the best mom ever. I love you so much.
0:01:37 - Jess
You and your brother used to call me your best friend, though, when y'all were little boys.
0:01:41 - Cameron
Y'all used to say you're my best friend. I was using that term loosely. Ooh.
0:01:46 - Jess
When you wanted something, you called me your best friend. Then you would run around the corner and call your dad your best friend.
0:01:52 - Cameron
Then go find Nan and call her my best friend. I see how you do. Gotta play the game.
0:01:56 - Jess
But I honestly feel like no, seriously, I feel like parents and children can't be friends because there's parenting.
0:02:04 - Cameron
Yeah, it doesn't work out. And you know you're a great mom, I love you. We can have our talks about stuff, but when it comes down to it, it's just you're gonna be mom before you're my friend. You're always gonna look like I don't know, like I'll be talking about stuff, doing stuff with friends, and then here comes your mom voice. It's just, I don't think. It's just, you gotta be a parent versus trying to make your kid happy, trying to be friends. I just don't think. I think that's a line that just can't be crossed, cause if you do, you're not really a parent anymore. You know you're trying to be liked and all that, and you definitely don't care whether I like you or not. You're gonna tell me what to do.
0:02:44 - Jess
This is true. Your best interest and your safety comes before me liking you. And I feel like any parent listening to this podcast right now is going to understand that. I hope so anyway. And you know, I know you feel sometimes like even when you were little, not even little, even probably as recent as when you were in high school, which doesn't seem that long ago, when I had to say no to things, you couldn't understand that it was the end of the world. You did, you did?
0:03:25 - Cameron
You had it out against me.
0:03:27 - Jess
Right. But you know and I get that because I know you've heard this before I was your age once and my mom and dad used to say no to me. But you know what I think about now, now that I'm older and seasoned, you know how we print Seasoned what? That's a nice way of saying it.
0:03:47 - Cameron
That is a good way of saying it.
0:03:48 - Jess
You know how, when you're praying and praying for something, and God clearly has said no or not, yet he's like the parent who has to say no and not yet sometimes. Exactly. Because sometimes he may be protecting you.
0:04:05 - Cameron
It's just not time yet.
0:04:06 - Jess
It's not time or sometimes your disappointments, your biggest disappointments, can turn into blessings.
0:04:14 - Cameron
Biggest achievements.
0:04:15 - Jess
Yes, and so, as a parent myself, I understand when you have to say no, and so I totally get that, and that's why I feel like, as a parent, I'm not able to be your friend, because I'm always gonna be in parent mode, even when we're having fun, even when we're having fun.
0:04:38 - Cameron
Yeah, always when we're having fun.
0:04:41 - Jess
I don't like your tone. See, I'm right now at the point I'm 46 years old and I'm right now. You seem surprised.
0:04:49 - Cameron
I didn't know your age. Now I know it.
0:04:51 - Jess
Seriously.
0:04:53 - Cameron
You're not allowed to ask a lady her age.
0:04:55 - Jess
But you seriously didn't know how okay.
0:04:57 - Cameron
I know your birthday, but I don't have to do is do the math.
0:05:01 - Jess
Did you know what year?
0:05:02 - Cameron
No, you didn't tell me.
0:05:03 - Jess
Oh, okay. Well, anyway, we can talk about this later. I'm just now at the point where I can kind of hang with your Nana, but even your Nana will still be in mom move she's top dog.
0:05:17 - Cameron
She's top mom right there.
0:05:19 - Jess
She is the mom of all moms, and it's just different. It's just different and I guess it's cool when I see other parents being Friends with their kids. I just don't understand it because I'm not able to shift into friend mode. But you're saying you don't want that.
0:05:37 - Cameron
No, ever like ever ever and it's funny that you say that just about how you see other parents, you know, try to be friends with their kids. Um, some of my friends they're, um, you could even say they're like friends with their parents and I don't know. Sometimes there's just things that, uh, they'll let them do and in the back of my mind I just hear your voice and it would just be like I don't know.
0:05:58 - Jess
Are you like my mom would yes exactly like my.
0:06:01 - Cameron
This would never fly at my mom's house. Oh my goodness, and it's, I don't know. Sometimes it's like a world shift, but I definitely think it's more chaotic on their side versus when you're actually being a parent. It's like when I go over to their house. It feels just chaotic. But it never felt like that at ours because there was some structure to it. You know there was.
0:06:23 - Jess
I say I can't speak on how other people parents.
0:06:25 - Cameron
Well, yeah, that's true, but I think it's, they were too worried about Her liking them you know the daughter liking her and so it was just more of it felt like she was in charge.
0:06:37 - Jess
But see, when I look at you and your dad's relationship, I feel like y'all are more friends.
0:06:43 - Cameron
Well, if you want to go down that path.
0:06:45 - Jess
I definitely feel like I'm the parents, parents and your dad is exactly what I was going to say. I feel like he's the fun one.
0:06:53 - Cameron
But if it makes you feel better. I hope he's not listening when I say this, but if things get a little scary, I know to text mom first. I know that at the end of the day, mom is gonna get what I need handled. She's and I'll definitely text dad first, but it's I don't know. I just I feel like you have made it to where you've set that boundary, that I know that I'm not looking for a friend, I'm looking for mom. I know that you're gonna get it handled versus like if I was to call up one of my buddies and we can brainstorm. It's just I don't know. I feel like you've made it clear that, not trying to always get me liked, you're going to make decisions that are going to Help me in the long run, versus making a decision that you think I'm gonna like. Okay, and so I know that when I text you and I can come to you, regardless of how I'm gonna react, you're gonna say it how it needs to be said and you're just gonna help me get it done period.
Yeah, exactly period. Okay, versus, you know, being friendly and trying to get feelings out.
0:07:54 - Jess
So, since we're talking about your dad, um, I want to. We're gonna switch subjects. So one thing about I know you don't listen to me on the radio or my podcast, shocker, um.
0:08:07 - Cameron
Anyway um.
0:08:08 - Jess
So one thing I do is go all over the place, and I'm always off subject, so, but since we're talking about your dad and I'll a little family, I wonder if we can encourage other families like ours who are um dysfunctional. That's not what I was gonna say. I mean, if the shoe fits, okay, every family has a little dysfunction. What I was gonna say?
0:08:41 - Cameron
I mean, let me get a hold of myself. There's love there, but there's a little bit of dysfunction.
0:08:45 - Jess
Look, we look, we are hot mess sometimes.
0:08:48 - Cameron
But we make it work.
0:08:50 - Jess
You're just putting all our stuff out there. Okay, what I was going to say is not dysfunctional, but divorced a divorced family separated.
Me and your dad have tried to cause. We've been divorced for a long time, so me and your dad have tried to make it work. Where we have been a united front and a family for you and your brother, you've always been able to come to us and talk to us. Whenever you were in trouble in school, mm-hmm. Whenever you've needed something, you've always been able to come to me and your dad. You've never seen us argue in front of you. You've never. We've always been a family. So, how has that affected your life?
0:09:40 - Cameron
I think, in one of the best ways possible, just cause you know, I have friends who have divorced parents and I truly do think your guys' relationship is like the first and only so far a divorced relationship that I've seen. Where it's been just there's no fighting, it's just you guys have always put me and Christian first. I mean the communication is crazy it's. You guys have like never thought about yourselves when coming together. It's always been what, what we're here for these two, you know. So you guys have just made it such a comforting and safe space to come to you both. You know it's just whenever an issue like if I come to dad and there's an issue, he's like all right, well, he goes immediately to text you and to figure out to solve it. Or I go to you, you text or call him and it's just always communication. You know it's just. There's no, there's no wondering.
You guys have just made it very calm. You know there's no fighting. You guys. You know we had a great system, you know, before I moved out and you know we were with dad a certain number of days. We were with you a certain days. There was, it was just so easy. You know there was never any stress, you guys never made it feel like one parent was getting more attention than the other, I mean, when I was being bad and I tried to play you both, you guys never felt like I did.
I did you guys never, never saw that, you know you just you just made it very easy. You know If there was any issues, it was never because of you guys. You know there was no strife for anything there.
0:11:12 - Jess
Yeah, we felt really and you're old enough for us to talk about this now but we felt really divorcing with something that we had to do in order to live a productive life, but we did feel guilty about what it would do to you and your brother. So it was very important for us to still be a family, but we just lived apart. But we always wondered, okay, how do they really feel about it?
And now that you're 23, I feel like I could finally ask maybe that question and maybe you know, hearing how you feel will encourage another family who is just going through this phase or who is right in the thick of it and maybe they're arguing and bickering. Maybe hearing this podcast would make them say, okay, you know what, wait a minute. Maybe this is the time that we figure this thing out.
0:12:12 - Cameron
Yeah, I mean I can definitely say that I never felt like we weren't a family. I feel like it's always felt like family. I mean, whenever we have Christmas, who's ever hosting? You know dad will come over or you know, if he was hosting we would all go over there. It's just. I mean, it was literally just we lived in separate places. You know, it was just so easy.
I just I think the biggest thing was just communication. I mean literally every aspect. It sometime got annoying, like you don't have to tell mom I did that, but he definitely told her. I think it's just there was never any question of what was going on and I think that was the most important thing is that everyone was always on the same page. Whether I liked it or not, everyone always knew what was going on. I think that was the biggest thing is, you know, since you are divorced, you're not always together, but making sure that everyone's talking feelings are getting expressed. You know, just being a family and trying to get stuff done together. It just made it so easy. It was never didn't feel like a family.
0:13:12 - Jess
And to Christmases. Since you are a child from a divorced family, does that make you not want to get married or do you think you still believe in marriage? Oh, I definitely you still believe in marriage and family.
0:13:27 - Cameron
Oh yeah, I definitely believe in marriage and family and all of that. If anything, I feel like watching your guys' relationship just showed how to be mature in a relationship. You know you guys worked through your issues and I mean I see you guys as friends. I mean you guys are cordial with each other. You know that never, never wavered my feeling on that. You know. If anything, it shows that you guys had enough love for each other to not ruin anything. You know you guys tried to do what was best for everyone and I think that's that was awesome.
0:14:03 - Jess
Yeah, aw, I love you. Oh, I love you too. Okay, well, since you were my guest last show and you said you wanted Jesus to fix your cat, wait a minute.
0:14:15 - Cameron
He didn't, by the way.
0:14:17 - Jess
Maybe he just said not yet.
0:14:19 - Cameron
Not yet, yes, not yet.
0:14:21 - Jess
Okay, I'll answer the question what would Jesus, what would I have Jesus fix? There are so many things I would have Jesus fix. Just in case this is your first time ever listening to the Jesus Fix it podcast, every episode I ask the question what would I have Jesus fix? Or I ask my guest what would you want Jesus to fix? And so I'll answer the question. This week, mom guilt Mom guilt is real and for me I have it all the time. Even though y'all are grown and out of the house, I still think about things I've said or done or didn't do, and if Jesus could fix anything for me, I would just have him take the guilt away.
0:15:11 - Cameron
What makes you feel better. The guilt goes both ways. I still feel bad about things too. That's okay. We're here now, Woo-hoo. Yay.
0:15:23 - Announcer
Friends to laugh with and be real with the Peas and Carrots Podcast with Brian and Kayla Sanders. Check out peasandcarrotspodcast.com or search Peas and Carrots wherever you listen.